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Nugable 
Please remove this immediately. Pay fine of $1000. Do not go past go. Do not collect $200.
At last someone speaks against the machine…
Contests are pointless and lame…
I would like to leave a comment, but Freddy’s testicles are so deep inside my mouth right now, that I can’t speak.
Someone needs to sit Freddy P. down with the mailman so he can explain why blowing smoke up owen wright’s ass is the best and only way for competetive surfing.
***JOEL PATERSON wants everyone children to smoke ciggarettes and die from lung cancer like my grandma.
Oy Vey! It’s Patterson you schelp. And it’s cigarettes not ciggarettes. If you want to stand up against the man first contact the United Negro College Fund. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
I am thinking of naming my next band: ‘Freddy’s Frozen Peas.’
Or, ‘Freddy Pees on Nutless Commentators.’
You really have a thing for frozen peas, Mr Ward.
I don’t know whether I can stand to watch 1-2ft 13th beach if they run it, I’ve just run out of alcohol.
Fuck you small-town France, Jesus fucking Christ and Easter holidays.
Does anyone know who was commentating at the time this gem took place?
Could it be the old stag is threatened by the young buck. He was so angry he was stumbling over his own words. Over all i have to take my hat off to the man for sticking it to the machine. Anyone know how much he got fined for his outburst? He could become the John McEnroe of surfing if he keeps that up. lol.
Pottz and Dylan Slater were on the webcast but don’t know who was doing the beach commentating that Fred was not happy with.
Nice to have you join the club mate.
Surfing is in dire need of someone like you young lad.
Freddy talks about the heat and the interview.
http://insurfnews.com/?p=1636
Thanks Nug. Love the centred framing, the lovely hum through the audio (poor grounding or fluros?), the reality television confessional style, but not Freddy P’s flabby ass and legs in a wetsuit.
There was less fat on the duck confit I ate last night.
Paraphrasing Freddy P’s explanation of the interview at Bells:
“I just think the people broadcasting over the loudspeaker on the beach should be a little more educated about all three surfers in the water… and PeterPerfect is gayer than George Michael riding a pogostick through the mosh pit at a Jonas Brothers concert.”
Okay, so maybe he didn’t say the last part, but I am fairly sure he was thinking it. But Fred should realize he is probably dealing with Australians in the booth at Bells. In other words, the term ‘educated’ should be dropped from his hypothesis.
9am start at Lake 13th Street.
I can hardly contain my euphoria.
Or, is it euthanasia?
Freddy spoke his mind. Because the tour no longer controls itself, Money (surf corps) has gentrified a historically irreverent exercise that doesn’t reward candor…. regardless of what interest level that honesty entails.
But as in all aspects of modern society, if you allow Money to control the debate, you’ll only hear that which profits Money. A symptom of an international disease adversely effecting Humanity.
Patronize your local proprietors. The only weapon against wealth consolidation is the wealth it so desperately covets…. and it will never rest because greed is it’s only goal.
Look no further than our benevolent rulers at Goldman Sachs.
May Obama someday possess the courage of Fred Pattachia. Cheers FP!
@Enoch… hee hee hee hee…..
Wonder how Chas would describe PP’s ecstacy at the concert?
This shit is too funny.
Bede is going to destroy Stuart “Dead” Kennedy.
Bede is always my sentimental favorite. Forget Freddy P’s comments for a moment, Bede’s a complete fuck-you to the establishment that has shunned him.
Love Jordy trying to keep a straight face as the interviewer exclaims “Marco Polo’s gonna be a tough competitor today, eh?”
PeterPerfect is gayer than George Michael riding a pogostick through the mosh pit at a Jonas Brothers concert.”
Classic. Do you mind if i borrow this to rip into one of my buddies next time they are being a douche bag Mr Ward?
Second that, Dante…. Enoch has a way with the imagery.
Figures.
Right at the beginning of Dane’s heat, Rip Hurl loses its signal.
They made us watch Neco’s heat though!!
I cant get the high quality video feed only the medium high says its offline anyone else having this problem WTF
And now we have a blank screen and no audio bravo shitbirds.
If Dane loses this heat I may give up on competive surfing
never mind.
five in a row
vote Meatwad 1
fuck you all
I miss Mark.
Bells is gayer than the special olympics.
I sat down too fast today and collapsed my left testicle… Prayers please. Thx.
Come to think of it, Bells is knda like the special olympics: even if you win, you’re competing in a retarded contest.
Yeah but there are no losers at the special Olympics can you say the same thing about bells.
Or this fucking web cast my my feed has dropped 6 times Neco’s heat was perfect though
@Meatwad
I guess not, cuz at Bells, everyone’s a loser.
FreddyP earned a whole new level of respect in my book. Plus, for the first time ever, his website came to good use. Wrote a complete recap here, including a transcription of his comments plus the twatter drama: http://www.cyrusisboard.com/2010/04/freddie-patacchia-fined-1000-for.html
Here you go, if you loved Freds comments and want to pay some of his fine go here:
http://stabmag.com/jed/freddys-outburst-vindicated/
Oh Jed, you are so vein.
During a thrilling heat, Ross v Melling with a 2. something leading, the picture goes off and I’m told to check MY internet connection of the heavily pixalated mess.
The coverage for this contest’s webcast is so scant that Paris Hilton is commissioning it for her next wardrobe.
*bah-dum-bum… crash!*
**crickets**
Sorry.
It’s not worth any effort, good bye Rip Curl
Unbelievable.
Poor Trauzersnake is trapped in an internal conversation in the ancient thread below, with nary a whispered farts worth of knowlege that Nugs made a new post this afternoon.
Someone better wake the poor chap before he nad YOKED SKIMBOARDER declare an orgy and allow things to get ugly. And hairy.
Dont worry bro, I shave ship to stern every day. Dont wanna disguise the YOKED!
Simpo mad style on that alley oop oh yeah
Back to Freddy’s comments.
An important thing that is missing from all this whoop-ti-do over Fred’s comments: The actual commentary from the booth that was being broadcast. So far, we only have Fred’s side of the story. Since most of us have attended a few contests over the years, we take it at face value that he was righteously offended. As Cyrus astutely pointed out in his article, this complaint has existed for many a year, by more than a few.
I raise my hand in unabashed pride that I fully believed the righteousness of Fred’s words from the moment they tickled my eardrums.
At the same time, if someone could procure those offensive words, it would tell the whole tale and allow us all the perspective required to accurately take the establishment to task… or, perhaps (gasp) slap Freddy upside the head and tell him to “act like a man.”
Right?
Maybe I should have posted this comment under the alias: Devil’s Advocate?
Plus, PeterPerfect is so gay, he’s probably sleeping right now.
Bwahahahahahahaha!
*yawn… smack, smack, smack… yawn*
Is this round almost over?
Jadson Andre is underwhelming, at best. Brasil’s hope lays in Medina’s nubile hands…
And yet Jadson still cooked Luke Munro’s mediocratic goose.
Much like watching a live goose being slow-cooked in a Croc Pot set to medium heat and filled with inbred sloth’s paws.
I haven’t even read the 47 comments that came before this one, but that was quite simply the raddest post-heat interview ever! EVER!!! Freddy P is ALL-TIME!!!
My guess is one of the offending beach commentators was Col Berlusconi from Tracks. Nice guy, but very good at putting his foot in his mouth…
Gabriel Medina needs to step up his english speaking if he’s gonna be the face of Brazilian surfing for the next decade. i don’t think i could stand ten more years of his broken english talking about how he’s “rilly hap” and he “got good one”
Yeah!! everyone should make english their national language. I dont need no brazillian makin my language sound bad. I think he should be fined.
And f@@@ the kilometer/metric system. Its time the world wakes up before we bomb their asses.
listen douche: the majority of international sports media coverage (including surfing, or maybe especially surfing), happens in english. NBA stars from other countries need to learn english, as do baseball players, hockey players, tennis players, golfers, and so on, with the only notable exception being soccer. doesn’t seem to bother anybody in those cases. it’s just a fact of life. you wanna be an international sports star and participate in the media market of the world’s largest economy? learn english. just trying to say what the kid’s managers should be telling him everyday. no need to be a dirty cunt muscle about it.
Interestingly enough, ‘Dirty Cunt Muscle’ opened for ‘Freddy’s Frozen Peas’ a few years back at the Lollapaloozer Festival.
I was there man.
I think.
I don’t remember a thing.
I think you mean Throbbing Gristle, which is still one of my favourite names for a band.
skud hates women and vaginas. He’s gayer than Enoch Ward dabbing his perspiring, foundation-caked forehead with a lacy handkerchief after a vigorous dance at a Sunday afternoon tea party. While wearing a tutu.
I dont understand why you all think anything is wrong with the ASP. When Neco beats Damien Hobgood, and you also get to see a thrilling elite heat like Mike Campbell v. Drew Courtney in mind-blowing conditions, all is well mateys. Right??? RIGHT????
In a related story, today I invested in a skimboard and a Bowflex unit.
Go back to your swampy domain, Steggy. I will crush your sorry-ass plates with mymassive tail ball, then use your pathetic tail spikes as toothpicks to get the bits of Stego meat out of my powerful crushing mandible.
Man, it is hard to type with a giant, hooflike claw.
how do you get balls up your mouth? sounds painfull…
yeah yeah yeah..
Skudly American,
Don’t worry! The kid is only 16 years old. By the time he’s 18 he’ll speak English better than you do.
Freddy P’s Beach Announcer Buddy,
It’s OK, mate! I’ve had Cheyne Horan, Mick Fanning and Matt Griggs, and Joan Duru and his dad Joan storm the booth and/or chew me out after a heat in the past. Can’t make everyone happy all the time. I’m still “friends” with all of the above. However, you can learn from your mistakes! Got some homework to do before round 3 starts!
Hey Mailman, guess you’re missing that Rip Curl guy standing next to you pointing at the heat board like last year, fun times. Even funnier broadcasting.
Ahh, Cheyne Horan. Kinda like George Greenough minus half the brain when it came to surfboards.
Mick Fanning chewed you out? Do tell. Did he call you:
a. Gay
b. Nigger
c. Jew boy
d. anonymous announcer guy No.2
Right on Freddy P!! That was classic. Please get an interview if you can Nug!
@ mailman
Joan Rivers and her father “The Cryptkeeper” would of been a lot scarier story.
Thought for the day….
Who’s banged more women in one week???
Sl8r or Jordy.
I’m thinking Jordy may have quantity but Sl8r prolly has him beat on quality.
Ya think
Sl8r banged Pam Anderson when she was hot.
Jordy bangs Pam Anderson types as Pam Anderson looks now.
Game over.
In all fairness to Fanning, it was more Griggsy who spat the dummy than Mick. First round of man on man heats at second to last year of RC Pro Super Series in Hossegor, so it didn’t mean much to MF. Heat against JFlo. All the Euroforce were up in arms about Rockin’ Fig blowin’ up the anglos in HB two weeks before were calling me out for not hyping the French/Euro crew earlier in the comp and were “insisting” that I let loose a little in the Fanning/Flores heat. I gave in to the pressure. I was blowing up Jeremy (who was surfing pretty well), but definitely influenced the judges on a few waves where it was hard to see some of the last turns. Jeremy actually fell on a last re-entry that I and the judging panel thought he pulled and it ended up turning the heat. Anyway, Griggsy charged up into the booth at the end of it, basically asking “what the fuck, Mailman?!?” I spoke to Mick a few minutes later. His first reaction was basically similar to Griggsy’s. When I explained the story, he calmed down a bit, especially since it was a ‘QS result that didn’t count for squat to him other than that it was his sponsor’s comp. The RC Euro guys couldn’t give a shit. They actually thought Mick/Griggsy overreacted a bit and were glad JFlo won, since it brought more crowds back to the beach the next day! And the next evening, Eugene and I had few manly make up hugs and a few dozen beers at the Café de Paris and lived happily ever after!
You’re such a fucking diplomat sometimes. Guess you need to be to keep working in such an industry. Now back to more interesting subjects. You still sleeping on the couch flicking channels and having a couple of fingers of whiskey instead a couple of fingers up…oh hang on, I’m not Enoch Ward….
http://www.surfinglife.com.au/news/asl-news/3937-bells-2010-
You all will enjoy the first third of the article hidden behind this link. A few of the more nostalgic, older readers of this site will be interested by the middle of it, and you’ll all be puking up your lunch by the end…
Am I right?
“what one can only hope will be the worst conditions they’ll face in 2010”
Yeah.. we do have to be optimistic because next event is Brazil (off-season!!)
NB: The following is a paragraph about Dane taken from the ASL article about day 7. It’s always good to hear what Jesus has to say, and what scribes have to say about Jesus:
“Apparently the comp was meant to move to Phillip Island,” says Dane Reynolds, prior to his heat. “I heard the WPS union told Rip Curl that they have to pay for all the surfer’s accommodation over there, so the organizers just decided to run it here. I would have preferred to drive to Phillip Island everyday, but whatever, I’m just psyched to get started”.
He then proceeds to beat Blake Thornton with wave after wave of his trademark powerful hacks and tail wafts. People’s eyes are glued to the water. It doesn’t matter where Dane surfs.
WHat heat was that???? Rip Curl passing on good surf to save money???
Dave Mailman spreadin asp hate???
This is some heavy news brahs…….
I think at this point the big 3 should join forces to build ENRON dos……
Phillip Island has pretty consistent surf and offers the ability to switch to another break with the wind conditions. As long as there is swell you’re good to go. It can handle a bike GP crowd without any problems, so a surf contest is not big deal! It would be better for Rip Curl to pay for accommodation than be faced with what they are now. Which is shit surf.
Torquay is the problem. Corporate BS and the Bells ‘festival’ sideline they’ve built up. Easter holidays are a big deal in Oz & it’s good business for the town in the surf shops, bars and restaurants.
Don’t think it’s going to happen…
If you weren’t entertained by Round 1 action on the webcast, give my favorite surf scribe a try. Long live Sean Doherty! No, seriously. He’s the most entertaining Aussie out there.
http://surfermag.com/features/protour/2010_rip_curl_pro_bells_beach_round_1_sean_doherty_040410/
Just read it, good stuff. A couple of clunkers (see “too many Wrights can make a wrong”, for instance) but a decent, honest appraisal.
Pierre Parfait,
I almost went to work for the United Nations, but the surf around Brussels and New York is average at best.
On almost another subject entirely, are you somewhere in France now?
PeePee,
Back in the bed, but with our cranky, teething 14 month old daughter acting as a buffer between me and any kind of action. I can’t wait for nap time this weekend!
Lionel Messi plays soccer better than Dane Reynolds surfs. Champions League return match against Arsenal in Barcelona and Messi lays down a hat trick in the first 41 minutes of the first half… That’s like putting two 10s on the scoreboard in the first 15 minutes of a 30 minute heat. Unbelievable!
Pierre Parfait cannot reveal his exact location due to some ‘trouble’ with the law. But let’s just say I’m somewhere that thinks it’s OK to let children have wine mixed with water for lunch. And has finally banned smoking in restaurants.
“So what happens when the dream is shattered, as it was recently by the alleged racism of a popular world champion, or, to take two other examples from recent years, a former world champion dropping off the tour allegedly to go into drug rehab, or an influential photo-journalist being kicked off the tour for life for repeated sexual misconduct?”
From an article in the australian. Link provided.
Who was the photo journalist???
Dear Corpo,
Thanks for your entry into the Nugable comprehension test. Unfortunately you scored zero. Why? From the same article:
“Similarly, when veteran Australian photo-journalist Paul Sargeant was banned from the pro tour for life in 2005 over allegations of sexual misconduct, not one magazine mentioned it, despite Sargeant having at one stage been the most prolific and influential surf journalist in the world.”
But don’t ask Enoch Ward about these years, his memory becomes hazy, he cries and sucks on the corner of his Roger Ramjet pillowcase when ‘Sarge’ is ever mentioned.
the one and only F1 race pic takin Sarge….
Just why are you here again? Enlighten me.
Without me how would you be perfect??
Let’s get this ‘straight.’ Sarge and I never cuddled. Someone ‘told’ me about the birthmark on the underside of his right glutteal cheek. And he only liked to come over to ‘hang out’ when I was napping.
So no… nothing strange at all.
…that Peter Perfect and Sarge have never been photographed together…
Trouble with the law, eh?
Might I Suggest… that my trouble with the law be more to do with a ‘financial misunderstanding’ than one involving copious amounts of beer and dispute over ownership of an anus. If I may be so blunt.
PeterPerfect had trouble with the law… again??
Poor feller never took my advise when I told him that wormdancing nude through the mess hall at the all-boys Catholic school down the street from his house was going to carry some dire consequences.
Don’t worry Pedro, if you get caught, you will enjoy jail just fine.
*wink*
Where I am, I’m protected by the Catholic Church. After all, that stellar news organization, The Onion just said: “Pope Vows To Get Church Pedophilia Down To Acceptable Levels”
If this is not the gayest site on the Internet, I’ll give a pair of GT’s sunglasses to someone who can top it. If you know what I mean.
GT will deliver them personally.
…that the two issues may not be mutually exclusive? Just ask Enoch…
Jesus Crist!!! I just read the story on STAB.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
@Peter
I think Ill go now. I cant handle men raping men in the name of surf journalism.
Good luck to all and remember KEEP YOUR BUTHOLE TIGHT.
C’mon, it’s all good fun! Sarge loves you guys! Really. Deeply.
It’s a scandal that should have gone mainstream…
There goes Randomrandomness living up to his name again!
Now, back to Bell’s where one of my inside sources informs me Round 3 should be on today. Where exactly it will be held is still a mystery.
More on the Freddy P outburst from Round 1, apparently the offending beach announcers were none other than Reggae Ellis and Jodie Cooper. I’m actually quite surprised. I thoroughly enjoy working with both of them, and am a bit shocked (I really am!) that either one of them would show such bias towards Mr. Wright. The kid does rip, but they know the rules about giving props to one and all, and usually play by them. Something smells fishy about the whole thing from where I’m sitting, and that’s a LONG WAY away from Torquay…
**cue for BREW to throw down a dozen or so jokes about things that smell like fish***
Re: things that smell like fish
I have sworn not to mention anything about Mark’s mother for at least a week, out of respect for Trauzersnake.
So all 3,745 fish smelling jokes will have to wait until then.
As will a certain someone’s mother. But as they say in Torquay, “Absence makes the farts blow harder.”
Or something.
I don’t even know who Brett Simpson is, but I’m hoping he gives Adriano the send-off he deserves from prop surfing. Adriano would claim dropping a shit as a 10.
Before I head off to bed (that’s right, in the bed!) just a word of advice. Don’t bother reading the Day 1 recap on Surfing Mag dot com. You won’t agree with the first of the two comments: “best article ever”. Quite the opposite actually…
Contest is on at 8:30… looks like Wankypoop.
One-Hund… oops, forgot to log in under my alias.
I think Brett Simpson is OJ’s younger brother. Like his older brother, Brett has some fine hacks, cutty’s, and slashing manouvers.
BREW,
There are many places much worse than Winkipop that they could run. Plus, those wedging, on-shore, little pushers will be perfect for the Mod Col show. Dane, Jordy et al will be blowing up. Won’t be perfect surf, but it’ll be fun and it could be near perfect surfing! Have fun watching the show!
PS: How was that for a positive outlook on life? Wish me sweet dreams!
Sweet dreams Mailman. Got your note in my email today. Gracias, amigo.
And don’t forget to put your fing…
… hell, I know you will.
Cheers!
Adriano’s 8.0 vs. Simpo’s 6.33?
Psssshhhht.
Looks like all that complaining about biased judging is beginning to pay off for the hobbit.
They gave him 8 because he didn’t claim. His hand nearly went up like a certain character in a Stanley Kubrick film. But he resisted. Therefore 8.0
A reference to Dr. Strangelove?
Will you… um… marry me Peter? I know you’re gay and all… but that was too much for even a pasionately straight man like myself to resist.
I’m not *that* drunk, yet. Or gay. Sorry. But Peter Sellers…
C’mon Freddy. Reaggae is given you vocal make-up sex in the booth right now. Better take advantage of the good vides.
Otherwise, you’re about to be overwhelmed by the Big Gudauski.
“Reaggae?” “Good vides?”
Bartender?
Bring me another and make it a double, stat!
How was that for a make up BJ by the judges for Freddy P?
The mother of all make up calls. Poor Freddy looked completely overmatched in that heat, and nary a peep from the commentary booth.
The charade continues.
yes, Pat G was robbed…make up call du jour.
I like Adriano. He has a wide, sturdy stance. Perfect for swinging a clublike tail.
Seeing the scores being thrown down for AI’s debacle and Taj’s first wave, The Big Gudauski got royally jobbed.
The judges ate the brown acid… and now we see the consequences.
(I am not saying AI shouldn’t have won that heat, btw… Ottz was an embarrasment to the sport of surfing out there and should be taken out back and put down for his own sake, and for our eyeball’s sakes).
Obviously Matt Wilkinson is waiting for my next post to catch his first wave.
Taj might as well paddle in after that last one.
Sincerely,
Josh Kerr
I thought Matt Wilkinson was paralyzed from the waist down and was just chillin’ in the lineup in one of those wheelchair surfboards.
So much blue. Henceforth, Roy Powers’ Delta Tau Chi name is Smurfette.
they no showing hawaiian flag no more?
Why don’t they just have the contest here? I think Pottz is a killer commentator. Pancho’s not bad either. BTW, does Pancho smoke cigs? or alot of weed? He has that classic rock DJ kind of voice.
I love Pancho but he sounds like Peter Brady gargling gravel.
Down goes the Dane.
Wah, Wah, Wah.
But at least the judging is consistent, eh?
Who would have thought that 2009 would be considered an epic year when compared to the skunk grundle that’s happening so far in 2010.
well.. smurfette has just kicked dane´s butt
His 8 was a good one.
we shall wait for off-season brasil! killer for sure
Roy the Boy’s 8 was nice. I would’ve estimated it an 8 something.
count the number of companies logo’s in the background of freeedddy Pee’$ “outbust”.I gave up after 15+.
these cunts are making money on top of money,even bad press=more fukn stupid money.
how da fuck do they run a world class comp in no waves?.
because RIP cUrl are spending soo soo much coin at building stupid grandstands on cliff’s that are falling apart because they care about bell’s(but hey we are” planting tree$, 2 COVER UP our carbon credit$ bullshit “crap,etc)
then for the first week of the comp they have the bell’s blinker$ on like the dream tour
IS back in 1988,
(round one :Damien HardMAn beats OCCy @Curren in the battle of the iCON$ and he didn’t even surf,how good is thi$ cumback ?of the rip curl spono’d ICEMAN)
Easter crowd$ =bum’s on seat$ ,we will run the whole stupid fuking circus in 1/2 ft swell & eastlery winds(hell’s (reality)bell’s).
then after a week of raping the world’s best surfers mine$
it’s easter Tuesday(the coke has warned off)
they then can suddently can move this whole circus to Winki,jo(h)anna,and now 13th??????????(that joint can barrel more in a day,than bell’s does in a year,but arn’t no FAIR location for wct event)
We Can’t move the circus to P.C or A.B cos the locals already are too smart and fucken hate u$
so the only other chance is Mr Ringrose’s hometown(former wct surfer but now a full-time Easter jet ski driver)
the only real reason they can’t go there and score,
is because the rip curl pro has grown way waaay to big for its own shoe’s,
and what used to be a small op’ration and could go on the “search”at the drop of hat is now such a fukn big fukn gravy train expre$$, that they can’t afford
to move to a place with pumpin surf(cos there’s not enough cheap accomo for the internet crew,surfers,judge’s,offical’s,event crew,jet ski driver’s,media,family,friends,government crew, sponor’s crew etc)
what used to be event with 80 people is now a circus show with over 1,000 monkey’s.
just go surfing people
just do it (as lengendary surf company NIKE say’s)
oi,oi,oi
fucken save me,from me,
or any more of the corprate bullshit that’ll make me cry
then drown in a ocean of my own tears)
Hopefully the in the final of this bullshit comp is between Bede and Freddy Pee,my new two favorite surfers.or maybee Drew V$ Neco,
but we all know its gonna bee a Dane Vs Jordy final with the Iceman making the real choice’$
So actually the real final might bee: between Owen Vs 2xWorld chump Michael Fanning (ya know just like the charging of the guard when Kelly smoked KONG back in 1994,or did he???????????)
Kill’em Bede
You’d be dangerous if you could write a coherent sentence. Love the passion though. Cheers.
Peter Brady gargling gravel…..hehehehe
http://www.ecorazzi.com/2010/03/30/giant-sea-bug-found-attached-to-submersible-robot/
G.G.D.K=the lantern?
hey look an extinct do do bird,nope just owen wright nevermind
the comments section is gay now… get the lantern back in here.
Pottz is fuckin’ crackining me up!
vote hog flu #1!
The commentators on live now stink. I don’t know their names but bobby martinez tried an air reverse and he called it an alley oop. The ‘girl’ is about 50 years old and keeps digging up useless information in a manner that makes it obvious she just read it and memorized it this morning. I’m really not impressed. Get Tom Curren and Occy in the box! What about Lewis Samuels. Chuck that prick in the mix. Lol. How about Chas Smith. He’d be pretty funny. The local gay scene from melbourne would probably mob him fi he showed his face near that city. Don’t forget Enoch Ward. That guys tweaked.
Can’t help but feel that matty wilko keeps having bad luck.He’s been ripping but not making his heats.
Tough days for Travis Logie.That was a broken man in his post heat interview.Have to admit his surfing is a bit boring but how tough would it be to go from the dream tour to scrubbing dishes or working in a surf school like Sean Cansdell.
Ah Jeremy Flores. It is truly impressive how completely your rails avoid any contact with the ocean. I mean, you have to try HARD to pull that off.
Kudos, Jeremy. As a consolation prize I am shipping you a pair of fine Italian figure skates…seriously, I think you have a future there.
fuck.. went to kitchen for some popcorn, came back and Taylor is in combo land
OMG!
Taylor Knox is TOTALLY COMBOED!
Oh well I am having fun here in Torquay. Met a nice guy from Melbourne who wants to take me up there for the weekend but also met another, younger guy from Wollongong that seems to be PACKING if you get my drift.
Decisions!
Bye!
Wait, wait. I am confused. Are you CaliGirl or Peter Perfect?
When Jason Andre bottom turns he looks like an epileptic snowboarder on a patch of blue ice.
Wow Jadson on the beach signing autographs with time on the clock I think I like him now, gonna have to watch his future heats with my eyes shut though.
Slater broke his foot at Bells. Won’t be surfing today
I’m sure Cali Girl is an obese middle aged man typing his comments from his basement which is nowhere near Victoria, Australia.
Yeap.. how unprofessional is this kid? His “I really want to win” pre-final interview at the juniors pro, and then waiting on the beach hugged to his board. That was fucking unbelievable!
Cali Girl is gayer than George Micheals riding a pogo stick at a Jonas brothers concert.
“huge little air”
pancho is a funny fella
should have made a roadie today Nug…..
The king of the sport is being “treated” over two milk crates in a parking lot….. wonder why surfing can’t lure outside sponsorship?
Amatuer hour.
well said
Panco and Potter are really having a big wank over “doctor damage’/’dangerous dave’. It was the same story at the tassie comp but i don’t see it myself. I see a guy that does the same old turns and can’t punt. At least they got rid of the old trout and the guy that couldn’t tell the difference between a reverse and an alley oop.
Bells is gayer than Winki. which means Winki is not quite as gay as Bells. i’ll call this one a win for Rip Curl, but only out of desperation. Or depression. whichever’s funnier.
You’re right Dante…. Davidson has no 5th gear and has no air game…. Pottz is blowing him, must be a mate cause it’s ridiculous. Luke is no flame, really both guys should lose this round. But Davo avoids his outside rail at all costs.
Mr Malia Jones surfs lanky ugly. Bad heat and either Potter has money on this or he lives in Davo’s pad. Let’s see if Sted goes Freddy P after the heat.
No, Sted is still surprised that he’s still on. Interview chick is better than GT though.
Dusty payne just blew up> What a spectacular ranga. WTF are these commentators. The pricks commentating for this round sound like they escaped from the geriatrics centre. Get the recently retired pros commentating.Not the grey beards that where on tour in 1970…….eeeeesh get a grip ASP
wow.. how gay was that beach interview!
Slater was overscored on that 7.93.
Dusty’s turn on the 9.17 was insane.
Game on!!
game is over!
well.. since I´m new here and I´ve felt how experienced some of you are, I need some advice. Which is best? Top or bottom??
never underestimate the sheer brilliance that is the self-lubricated hole…
Kelly has a new handicap… remember Michael Jordan with the flu in the finals?
Dusty blew up, but was overscored on that 9+. Lost a tough heat.
Sometimes the guys with no priority need to get busy and take risks. Dusty’s entire heat was one spectacular turn, all he needed to do was to keep surfing and he would have won.
i bet stephanie gilmore’s vagina is best described as “adorable”
Taj v Andy….
How rad would this shit be in fucking sick waves.
Wake up Brody, the only thing holding back your “product” is the ASP (you).
That’s the defintion of irony. Look it up bro.
Winki looking fun, hardly dreamy.
Round 4. I’m back.
It’s interesting how well the Hawaiians are doing in Chiba, Jap…I mean Winki
Roy, AI, Dusty (Can’t believe he lost…that turn was nice) and Freddy Iverson.
we need some commentary for this heat. the midget Brazilian vs the lewd Hawaiian, who’s taking this one?
go smoke a joint and get back in 20 minutes
If the beach commentators want to suck on Adriano’s testicles they will have to dig a hole in the sand.
nice
dammit I promised myself no more than half a bottle!
Taj is nervous… Toby Martin is a tool, but Taj is nervous.
Damn, maybe I was wrong… Andy is in control before they hit the water.
Taj is nervous.
@Mike
I love Andy but if he wins I’ll let you post anything you want tomorrow.
Freddy is digging rails left and right. Speaking of rails…who is in the next heat?
Sup boys… I’m back!!
Taj just got an 8 plus on the nug scale
Taj has as much of a chance at losing this heat as PeterPerfect does of not scoring in a gay bar.
AI is resembling a great Brasilian surfer at this point in his career.
Speaking of gay bars is Taj the only guy on tour who rides a Firewire?
michel too dea bruddah
What’s the money line on Taj being this year’s Parko?
Seriously.
He’s going to win this one, just like Parko last year. A seemingly insurmountable lead going into the rest of the year.
But has he added an extra gas tank?
I have nothing against Firewire’s. In fact, I have a plethora of good ‘friends’ who ride Firewire’s.
Heh heh.
Nug’s a’blazin’ tonight!
I can smell the hash all the way up heyah in NorOC!
No need for the apostrophes after ‘Firewire’.
Taj is fucking up my pick.
@Nug,
You had better be carefull you throw out the “I’ll let Mike post if so-and-so loses.”
I recently converted all his VHS transexual snuff porn films into MP4 format so he could upload them to his favorite forum at YouPorn.
Wait.
I now have a boner.
Perkus Tooth is searching for apostrophes that taste better than a shit sandwich.
Scintillating: adj. The most oft repeated and regurgitated “yeah, I know one other adjective besides ‘big’ with which to describe a turn/heat” descriptor. Most commonly used by Pottz and Toby Martin.
@Bobby Bane,
Lol. I think the best quote from the commentary booth that someone posted earlier was something to the effect of, “that was a huge little air.”
This would have been Jordy vs. Dane.
But the judges really loved Roy Powers’ top turn. And let’s face it… who doesn’t love a good Roy Powers’ top turn?
Michel Bourez rides Firewires too.
Jordy just threw down the gauntlet.
A double grab air, to top-turn combo followed by a Superman for a 9.8.
And to think… if the waves would have cooperated, this could have been Dane Vs. Jordy.
Andy couldn’t have done enough blow to stop Taj, he’s surfing better than I can mindsurf. This looks too easy for Jordy.
Thanks Roy for trying your 75th grab-rail-reverse and finally pulling one for a 7.7… that’s going to hurt Jordy like Perkus Tooth’s lil’ smokie inside a Mammoth’s vagina.
but Roy has answered back with his powerful top turn…
game on
game over….Jordy is a freak
wait… wait…
still a few minutes to go, Roy could do like a BIG POWERFUL snap throwing LOTS of spray and it could be a 9.6, couldn´t it?
i think i need to take my eyes out of computer´s screen for while… can´t think no more, brain is burnt
I luftwaffen the way Mick blitzkriegs these waves.
My brother is boring.
Uh, Evan, Kelly isn’t your brother…
not only boring, some bad comments as well. Talking about ALL the rookies been out.
as far as I know mister epileptic bottom turn is still alive
This webcast has been more boring than Perkus Tooth lecturing his students on the vast importance of antecedents in metaphorical allegories scrawled in the language of Lantern.
parting thought.
if I were being interviewed by that guy on the bluff and every time I tried to answer one of his questions he looked away “over the bluff”, I would be pissed.
So, it is now obvious that Mick Fanning REALLY has no answer to modern surfing.
Sad.
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Just sad.
o.k, what we really need people,
is to cut down all the tree’s at winki,
cos at high tide winkipop,
only Taj’s trainer can watch this bullshit comp on the left side of the rock’s
then we shell build a FIXED grandstand on cliff’s that are already falling down(cos we care about the local environment(just check out the website http://www.ripcurlpro.com),
bell’s wa$ all about floaters,winki pop is all about hi_tech performance surfing,
thats why every RIDE is finished with reverse(kelly slade b&w style:circa 1991),
kelly’s soo old that he has to sit’s down for his post heat interviews(but he can still smash these cunts with 1 leg,cos he’s the professor of the reverse after almost 20 years,of doing it)
no real air’s are getting landed in bell’s 2010 cos its flat,
but fuk, taj is finally surfin’ safe, and now his winning everything
2010 world champ-TB
P.S.=bigggest party W.A’s ever seen since Mick fanning tow’d in to hEAvy 3ft waves down south,
harden da fuk up cunts
Pro surfing’s turning into peter garrett no.2
Freddy Pee 4 P.M.(prime minister)of OZ
cos everyone else sucks ball$(oops,I really ‘ment testiclesx)
before censorshit
it is working quite good actually
i will need no drug to sleep
i just need to be careful not to break my computer´s keyboard or hurt my head, since I feel like I will drop dead at any seconç;ppppppppppç;;;;;;
the above post was suppose to be a reply to Enoch Ward 00:27
sgd
Phoenix
he’s better than GT!
there’s becoming a pretty big gap from the big boys and the rest of the stragglers. It should be like major league baseball, where if you have a heat like Ben Dunn in rd 2, or prove you will never get over a 6 like Neco, the head judge can send you back to the minors and call up the qs #1, right then and there. they could do a live broadcast of the call to the qs’er, like the nfl draft. I’d watch it, then I’d paddle out across the street and, er well, you know…
Bedtime mates.
Taj vs. Bede
That’s your final.
Slater is hurt. Fanning looks archaic. Jordy will bumble his fuck up somewhere, and Bobby will meet an admirable end for a backsider.
Taj will win, of course… and the surf media will lap at his balls like rabid badgers sookling a sock filled with dripping bacon grease.
Nothing will be said of Gudauski’s heat against Freddy P.
Because that would be too much. Fuck the kids. Let’s protect our ‘elderly woman’s pubic hair-thin margin of credibility.’
Everyones against me
I’m at a casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
@ random randomness
that’s the funniest thing i’ve ever heard. Fuck the roulette table! Next time i go to the casino i’m going to try that idea out. I’ll put money in the machines and loudly announce. “it’s time to play whack a mole”
Boo ya
NEW THREAD HERE
Yeah, it’s like Christmas round here, the waves went off all day yesterday and a replay today is in the works, I wake up hung over and TAJ fucking beat the beaten man!!!! and NUgs printing anything I want!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk about a fucking upgrade to this lagging site! If it wasn’t for some mush contest, we’d still be ignoring the humor of JOB’s publicist with our incessant infighting!
As for Mr Enoch Ward….. dude, you’re a sick puppy and don’t be projecting that ugliness on me. Whatever porn sites segue your comments here, the genre you pimp is highly illegal, even more questionably moral and as a born again Christian, literally against the book I hold dear to my soul.
What I’m really worried about is Brother Marks absorption into his Cali girl alias and that now entails imaginary erections of size. Connect the dots, Mark is a size queen. Though that is an observation I will no longer offer as a fresh recruit to the Pope. Makes him uncomfortable as Cali girls decision.
In faith I walk in the light of right, Mike
I say we hold a prayer meeting at Enoch’s house in the gay ghetto of Ocean Beach tonight. While Enoch reads from the Old Testament, the finals can be streaming. Enoch will need the support if his favorite Fanning “blazes” through to the finals with his signature “white lightning” surfing.
Laugh as you may, remember whose contest we are watching…… stranger things have happened, Luke Jones did win a heat yesterday…. much to Potters chagrin.
Get in the car nuggy, you’re blowing it.
bark bark, I can’t tell which lump is bigger, Uncle Mark’s pop tent jeans or Cali girls adams apple, bark bark.
bark bark, and why does Uncle Mark always meet her in the mens bathroom? bark bark
According to contest director Mick Fann… errr… Damien Hardman, today will probably be a lay day for lack of swell. Looks like tomorrow may be the final run.
And I will be here.
Oh yes.
And you all had best be here too. And perhaps we should place a moratorium on gay jokes, as they are getting to be ridiculous up in this piece.
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Bwahahahahaha! Just kidding!!
PeterPerfect’s butthole smells like Chastity Bono’s tongue.
Wait.
She’s a woman. No. She’s a man. No. She’s an airplane.
I’m so confused.
@Mike
Word has it that Mark is slayin em at his new sales job. Apparently he is the “form” salesman of April so far and is rocking that steely intensity of Andy Irons 02′-04′.
The incredible roll he is on, however, is not the reason for his absence from Nugable. Mark feels that he no longer belongs here and that maybe it is time to truly move on.
Keep in mind I am simply relaying info from him. Maybe one day soon Mark himself will let you all know what his plans are.
Oh yeah he also said that a certain jetty-sandbar-point type thing located below Blacks and above I.B. was blazing yesterday.
And that Enoch Ward needs to go on a Lanternesque sabatical with zero internet access for a couple of weeks. That loser is ruining what used to be a cool website.
After scanning the above comments, I see that I’m not the only one to cry foul about RPowers beating the Dane. Roy’s 8 something was what gave him the win. That score was given for perfunctory, workman like surfing…top turns. It should have been given no more than a six. Judges far to often judge the wave instead of the surfing.
Mick surfed best yesterday.
Mark reminds me of an uglier version of my wife.
I mean, I love my wife, but like most females, I never seem to know what mood she’ll be in when I stumble home from the pub. One minute she loves me, the next minute she tells me to go away. I can never figure her out.
And like Mark, she rarely lets me stick my finger in her heiny.
Gotta spread some love and props.
Sick surfing all the way around. Taj and Jordy are on fire. Sucks they are on the same side of the draw. Rookies are showing some serious skills… The Gad’s and Dusty in particular. All the reason why these contest should be point driven not elimination driven…. These guys are all surfing good enough to walk away with 5th/9th place points… tall order to come in and surf against Bede or Kelly in Round 3.
Overall the announcing is way better than the last contest. The gals are tolerable… Potts and Pancho are good at times and at least don’t ramble too much. Quality of the webcast is so so but at least no waves missed and the replays are nice.
Overall the judging as been pretty good thus far… no major fuck ups or over-scoring Fanning, etc. etc.
Maybe Rip Curl has some Nug readers… hah!…. maybe I’ll start buying Rip Curl again… hehe.
Love and props? I heard that that’s not all your spreading…
Sorry, but I don’t get the ‘Gad’s’, just watched ‘tanner’ against Bede on his backhand, he looks like he’s trying to shit a beer bottle over an open toilet in Turkey. Fucking ugly style.
Now let’s look at ‘dusty’ – where *do* these guys get their names? – and his 9.17. Did a retarded first maneuver (freeze-frame him with both hands in the water to stabilize himself) which was awkward, then flapped his arms like a seagull having an epileptic fit, did a lame hack that Jordy would have thrown more spray with if it was done in his bathtub as a five year old*, followed by a ‘floater’, went half-arsed over the whitewater, then a retarded foam climb and fell off. 9.17? He got 9.17 for flexibility in not falling off on a stupid and ugly first move. Overscored by 2 points.
I’m all for the new moves, but they need to ‘fit’ into wave riding. Jordy appears to do this better than anyone else, and he can turn on the power. Taj is surfing as fast as Fanning but with an above the lip game as well. And I say bullshit to those who say he doesn’t throw spray. But the world title isn’t just about power hacks, otherwise Knox & Sunny would have 5 titles each.
*Mr Ward now has a hard-on.
Good on ya Mark, keep killing it bro.
I hate Jeff’s dog, by the way.
Elwood hit it on the head…. accumulative scoring. Dusty deserves to continue surfing.
Elwood, I posed this idea to Dave M and he forwarded it to brody. My premise simple.
Arrange the tour schedule as you would a surf trip ( in season). Score everyone over the period of the event accumulatively. As in all surf trips, as you board the flight home everyone knows who ripped. Also, that format rewards progression.
Example…. 4 men at Macaroni’s, 4 at Lances… one hour heats. Say Dane blows up and nails two high 8’s or better… now he has the rest of an hour to hunt 10’s. Meanwhile, at Lance’s Joel is sitting on one 10 and his entire heat at that point is to double it. Two days later, the numbers won’t lie.
Another thing Mr Mailman…. I heard the announcement yesterday regarding it taking 300 people to do Bells logistically. Too fucking involved… simplify.
Organizer, film crew, judges…. let the competitors underwrite whatever bullshit entourage. Edit the event into an hour of riding waves, no beach scenes and the interviews can be dubbed over the action…. all scoring waves shown. You’ll show momentum and build viewer interest.
And please, attend to injuries in a less publicly amatuer way. That shot of Kelly and the milk crates was pathetic. Mortifying.
Gotta agree Mike, cutting to (generally) lame interviews while the heat is close is lame. I’m sick of ‘while Bede told us about his muesli breakfast, Jordy scored a 12 point ride and we’ll get that for you soon’. Even GT handled it better. Of course, he handles a lot of things better, doesn’t he Enoch?
Mailman, please review Enoch @ 11:20.
You have no idea what 5 years from now will look like.
Not that you should pull the plug, there are redeeming aspects of slavery, but you should be aware.
Yeah… pro surfing is stuck with the mindset of all those heats with MP vs. MR mano on mano. and has never seen it any other way.
Can you imagine any other similar sport with man on man competition… like skating or snowboarding… the thought of it is ridiculous. Or every golf tourny was match play… how well would that work??
Use the Maloof cup for skateboarding as the template and good things will come of it…. 24 down to 12 down to 4.
Skating and snowboarding do not rely on the ocean.
Golf is objective, not subjective.
The skateboarding analogy is a great one, as long as THE SAME WAVE KEEPS COMING EVERY NINETY SECONDS.
Moran.
What about the Edie contest doosh… don’t they use this format.
Go check out the footage of the Maloof cup and tell me how much this smokes anything surfing is doing right now… and I aint even a fan of skateboarding.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just like America Elwood, the ASP needs drastic change, not incremental nuance change. Our bailout era is really on putting a bandaid on the symptom, while the disease continues to erode. The ASP quieted the elite by offering them a little money, but the product was ignored.
Maybe the rebel tour would have led to a new ASP…. you know, show them an example to duplicate. It’s funny that the Billabong Challenge was only ten years ago and yet it’s so forgotten. They really did the Mentawaii’s well and I think Occy emerged a genuine champ.
Like the Banks own our countries direction, so do the 3 merch dealers control the ASP. Same conceptual challenges unmet. Money wins because no one confronts it.
BTW Elwood…. there were quite a few Elwoods in the lineup on the east coast in NZ. Everytime I saw your logo or your t shirt, I’d have a private chuckle. You need to work on your rails though bro, a little foil between divergent thickness works wonders!
Use a pair of old scissor randomrandomness…..
smarter, not harder bro
another option is to use a swiss army knife, the good ones have a pretty powerful saw. In a few seconds you´ll have your beloved weed ready to roll, or be put into a bong, pipe, apple or whatever you use to smoke it.
@ Mike,
preaching to the choir…..
I don’t think the ASP needs to start from scratch, but some format changes would be a good start.
I even suggested keeping the mano v mano set combining it with cumulative points…. so say you get 3 extra points for winning a heat. Surfer A has a 17 point heat total and Surfer B has 16.. They end up with 20 and 16 points respectively to compare to the field. Next heat surfer C has 12 points and surfer D had 10 points. They end up with 15 and 10 points. Surfer B is leading Surfer C in cumulative points cause he obviously surfed better. Everyone would have to surf twice at alternating times to try to balance out conditions.. Right PP.
The fact that I have to read it like a contract for a shonky home loan won’t fly with the general public.
I get your meaning with the skate contest analogy, but once again, the fickle ocean will have her way. See round 4, heat 4.
Best comps I’ve ever been on, the O’Neill The Missions. Week long boat trips to Tahiti and Tuamotu islands, and mobile over whole coast of France. 8 surfers. All sessions filmed. Surfers chose the waves they wanted to keep for final video review, then voted themselves for the winners. No complaints from the competitors and the best man won every time. Hell of a lot of fun to watch too.
For ASP, I’d go for round robin format for first three rounds then man on man quarters through to the finals.
I agree as well that the Billabong Challenge was one of, if not the best contest format ever.
It’s a lay day down under.
Words that Mailman will hear sparsely after his day of nuptial bliss.
with all due respect guys….i like the elimination format-the pressure it brings…it’s the only thing that makes it exciting to me, like the playoffs or some shit. I mean i could go park my ass on the beach at lowers on any given day with a 12 pak and pick out who ripped….then forget about it on the way home.
Best competitions are when the waves are on. Period.
Case in point: 2009 Billabong Pipeline Masters. Great conditions for all but the last few heats. Also see 2010 Volcom Pipeline Pro. The argument for improving surf contests must take into account the unpredictability of the ocean.
Bottom line is that no amount of heat-wrangling and maneuvering will be able to make up for a bad swell. The answer is to arrange different but equally fair competitive sequences that help maximize what the ocean has to offer. It’s what the ASP is trying to implement, and for that I cannot blame them.
The beauty of surf is in its mercurial nature; a contest by definition is antithetical to the decided spontaneity of the ocean. Contest organizers must understand the inherent complications of running a competitive event dependent upon the ocean’s whims, and act accordingly. Thus far, they’ve shown plenty of room for improvement.
Enoch Ward is gayer than a rainbow trout.
I agree with perkus tooth 100%. All this schedule change was a step backward. events at locations IN SEASON with adequate waiting periods (maybe eliminate the one-two 1/2 month breaks in the action?) and ya got it. That’s what i think.
Trauzersnake’s dick is so big it has eyes. So big it has ears. His dick is so big it has a dick…and his dick’s dick is bigger than your dick.
I have a question regarding the mobile “surf trip” idea for the ASP… which is a good one.
Picture this:
Me and the only friend I have left on this planet, PeterPerfect, plan a surf trip of our own to Cloudbreak during the peak season for swell. We book our tickets, reserve a posh room on Tavy, along with twelve cases of sunscreen to protect my ivory sheen, and set out on our journey for perfect waves. We arrive, dig in, rub sunscreen on each others rippled and brawn physiques, and begin drinking heavily whilst awaiting a pumping 6’-8’ swell.
At the same time, the ASP is alerted of the swell, the alarm goes off, at 498 various pros, ho’s, photogs, entourages, judges, etc, descend on our meticulously planned surf trip like flies to horse shit. What are we then to do?
Look, I realize that was the gayest story ever told.
But that scenario really sucks dick, no?
Wait.
Let me rephrase that; how can you avoid this situational ass-fucking?
Damn.
I smell trout.
@ Perkus tooth-
Actually its got one eye….and well, yeah.
Not what your girlfriend told Mark, Chris….
And try drinking a twelver at Lowers, you’ll be arrested.
A reduced tour could fuck you at Tav Enoch…. but they’d have the island secured for a two week window and should pull off the gig in three good days. Because you’ve been there, you know that is pretty likely. And if announced, you’d avoid Tav during May. Not sure about you and PP sharing a bure, but he had better enjoy Jamesons or he’ll get no sleep.
The CT should be dominant waves in season. Winki need not apply, Bells rejected on face value alone. West Oz, Puerto E, Tavarua, Bali, G land… let the QS have the circus atmosphere, the CT should be stealth and efficient.
Without the premise of good waves, the CT holds less value. Bells would be better off in late May or June. In the ASP logic, they’d hold the Pipe Masters in September.
Who’d have thunk Bruce Irons would be the sole voice of reason regarding our current contest location?
I quote (roughly): “Bells is a fucking novelty wave.”
The man is ahead of his time. There comes a point where tradition and loyalty must face current trends and realities in surfing. I mean, they’ve revamped the judging system; time to let Bells die a noble death before it becomes the next Santa Catarina.
The thought of Enoch Ward and PeterPerfect holed up in a Cloudbreak hut brings a tear to my eye. Which one, I’m not quite sure yet.
Teahpoo, G-Land, Gnarloo, Lance’s right, J-Bay, Cloudbreak, Canary Islands, Steamer Lane, P-Pass, Pipeline (sunset even??)….am i way off base here?
Why not throw in Mavs and Waimea with the apporpriate waiting periods to crown a world champion of surfing.
I kinda like seeing them surf mediocre waves, helps me visualize surfing my local shit hole
The Tidal Bore in China and Calving Iceberge’s in Alaska could round out the year as well.
Almost forgot Super Tanker Wakes in Texas.
And storm swells in The Great Lakes.
I want my champion to be a true gladiator in every condition known to man.
why not throw in super tanker waves in texas……”World Champion”….haven’t we been through this rigamarole before??
ASP=Average Surf Propoganda
Stop copying my ideas Trauzer.
Heh heh.
with all the bitching going on, just remember we used to read about the contests 2-3 months after they were over. pro surfing was fairly irrelevant unless you happened to live near a contest. i for one love to sit back with a coldy after chucking some buckets out front and watching some (not all) the worlds best get their shred on. i can even stomach dave stansfields incessant stat divulgence (though GT should be shot).
@ Trauzer… How many elimination heats end with the dude with priority blocking the other dude outa catching a wave vs. two dudes going off at the end of a heat…. I’d say 10:1 at least.
Maybe the silver lining with the Bells contest is it seems that Rip Curl (outa default I’m sure) has structured the contest more around the 1 million online viewers in lieu of the few hundred people on the beach….. can’t say the same about Quick. Seemed like they were way more interested in catering to the brew-ha-ha on the beach than the million online viewers…. brilliant business model isn’t it Mike.
@Elwood-true bro….but how many NFL games end when all downs and time-outs-and opportuniies have expired and the beating has been given and all that remains is to take a couple of knees? should we say at that point…wait man, let’s do a little college football overtime deal and give em a chance? no, its over. that’s part of the beauty.
@ chuck buckets-pro surfing is still irrelevant-in the grand scheme…..
@EW @ 16:35…hehehe..not as hot and graphic as your dane shower story, but fucking hilarious nonetheless….I raise an ice cold bottle of sierra nevada to you good sir.
I agree Elwood, beach presence is like short term profit… it distracts from the bigger prize. Plus, if you had a viable telecast of each contest you could eclipse the Quik/Billy/Curl paradigm and profit potential increases exponentially.
Before Jammy chipes in, it is best the whole thing is a mess anyway. Nothing could be better for each of our day to day surfs in 5 years as the big 3 failing now.
Unless one of those parasites decides to invest in artificial surf spots….. grow the natural resources of the sport.
But considering none of them have any philanthropic inclination…… Just ask surfrider.
@ Enoch…. how did the meeting go with the studio head? Is he giving us the jet or what for Dave’s funeral?
Although I realize you still have to run the idea that you’re going to France with a bunch of cyber buddies to your wife…. who will stay home. Not that we could get into any trouble on the beach in Hossegor during summer.
Something about naked German and French chicks that get my wife all hung up over monogamy. Go figure.
How about a contest at Pavones?
@Fidel-
A contest at pavones would be sick….but the waiting period could be a potential issue.
Go get em Marky. Mc Clain’s going top 10….
Pavones…. no.
I commented often on PS under another name. I haven’t had time enough to Nug but once or twice.
I have mostly marched ether in ether with ya’ll for all that’s good, holy, vulgar, and ironic; however, I cannot agree with the Mick Fannticide.
Do any of you actually surf? Honestly? His surfing to so tight (not like that EW/BR), fast, powerful, stylish, and -dare I say it- progressive.
Watch his heats. Again. Without the mob MIck Fannticide mentality that a few charismatic commentators have created. Jefferies last year- the miracle Bourez heat? Parko’s comment about bottom turns? And the recent Boost Airshow final isn’t made doing round houses alone.
From the drop, there is minimal (probably the least on tour) wasted and unnecessary movement. Do you really prefer someone like Jadson, flopping and hopping his way between progressive ‘moments’, mere frame grabs, above the lip?
Had Dusty or Dane, who by the way is another favorite of mine, done that straight air, wouldn’t you all and the media machine have been stroking surfing’s progression like trauzersnake his bully stick to a plus sized Youporn latina loving her labia with a lightly lubricated KithenAid cordless mixer? Blah blah blah, Mark’s mom.
“…it is best the whole thing is a mess anyway. Nothing could be better for each of our day to day surfs in 5 years as the big 3 failing now.”
See, if you shut up long enough, someone eventually makes your point for you.
Now back to vodka.
Peru or Chile should be part of the tour, constant swell, fair winds.
Mexico absolutely. Part of the tour should be riding an 8’0″ leashless.
West Oz if you’re legit.
Tav, where are you? Too much terrorism for the ASP, but not too much for Billabong…. isn’t that the same thing?
Indo has to be represented.
If Brazil gets love, how come Japan is ignored? From a market standpoint, doesn’t Japan equal sheep? Brazil has sheep, but Japan has sheep with relative money.
This could be simple if the ASP owned itself.
yeah that arica wave is the shit! One of the best heat I´ve ever seen was either bruce or andy getting in the water against vitor ribas and getting two waves in less than 5 minutes, a 9.something and a9.something+
why doesn’t anybody want to be friends with me? Here i am spending another night all alone with only the internet for company. Enoch will you be my friend? Maybe you could turn my frown upside down with your odd brand of humour? I don’t want to be friends with Trauzersnake or peter perfect. They are gayer than george micheals riding a pogo stick through a jonas brothers concert. See Mr ward. you helped my cause.
Enoch Ward for Asp comment creep!
You got us, Bobby Bane. None of us actually surf.
Whew, that felt good. Very liberating to finally stop living the lie.
Now back to back to vodka.
You’re welcome bagel… we share some similarities… I keep Jeff from getting pregnant and you make Jeff look pregnant.
@ mike
Keep the tour on the crowded waves.
The rip curl search is shit.Before they went to mexico people where enjoying classic uncrowded points. Now the cats out of the bag to many idiots are doing surf trips there.Peru and chile are relativly uncrowded surf destinations and it would be better to keep it that way. Sure asp went to arica once but the wave is hardly very inviting to the average surfer. lol. However if asp showed some of the classic left points in chile i’m sure there would be a bunch of very unhappy locals copping an influx off surf tourist afterwards. Famous waves near big cities are the best thing for everybody regarding ASP venues.
Might i suggest Changu or keramis in bali. The lefts are boring to watch but what a punting dream factory the rights would be.
Shark Island for some carnage and huge slabs. If the islands not pumping there are plenty of back up waves nearby and sydney is a huge city.
Mexican pipe.That wave is already super crowded. The damage is done!
Canary islands.The waves there are overun by pesky esky lids so the asp in town would put them in their place.
Maui. Lot’s of fun waves and the locals there are dickheads to if it gets crowded there due to the exposure GOOD. lol.
@ Dante… I know about the impact of Rip Curl and agree. The village was fucked and I tapped that mine for years, now it’s a feral petri dish doubling. Maybe the answer is no competition because creating the Dream circuit would be fucking locals everywhere. My point, obvious, was schedule a tour in season at potentially world class breaks. Or lose it altogether, but Money won’t do that.
You do contradict yourself regarding Keramas…. that place is fucked now.
Maui?… how funny is it that the chicks surf Hbay, but the pros muscle around Haliewa and Sunset?
Jamon Bagel is right. That is not easy for me to type because he’s already full of himself except his perfect middle. 0. Contests need to end NOW and the companies that market sporting equipment should all exist entirely without marketing. Dude, you’re a genius.
Jamon Bagel is right
@ mike
i don’t contradict myself.
Keramis is already crowded as a dogs back at a flea fair. If asp goes to a crowded well known break.No worries.
I hate it when they ‘unearth’ a spot and ruin a good uncrowded wave.
all this has been said before.
sorry nug. it’s over bro. hopefully you can find a paying gig once all of your advertisers bail and your costs exceed your income.
i am bored beyond description with the worthless drivel being spewed by these barns. just go surfing already and quit fuckin whining about everything.
@Dante
when is the last time you got laid you fuckin loser? Get off the internet and go watch the sunset or hit some golf balls or something.
barn.
“all this has been said before.”
Really Mark?
I thought my saga of PeterPerfect and Enoch struggling for the plight of all humanity in Tavarua was fairly original. But fair enough. Maybe we should be talking about something more important…
–
–
–
–
… like the size of Amy Donohoe’s cock.
@Mark… dude you should be ashamed of yourself (shit…. that sounds like a Mom talking). To get this whole gig and then not to get it…. Hmmmmm. WTF dude… I spend 5-10 minutes a day reading and commenting on here… and don’t even go there with what my day entails between 3 kids, 2 x wives, 2 jobs, and a surf session or two in between.
@ Mike… the worst part of the ASP not capitalizing on a built in audience of a million plus in turn for a beach party for the boyz…. is that it’s obviously not driven by profit for them (maybe for others) but by plain stupidity. The market value in the real world of what they got is huge…. frickin Leno and Letterman have an audience of less than 2 million and look what they’re worth. A porn star that can build a fan base of 5,000 people is fucking gold… and will get paid accordingly. I finally figured it out… the ASP needs to put a Jew from Hollywood as their director… guaranteed you’d see some shit change (for the better) real quick.
Dante,
Looks like someone else agrees with you about our reigning 2-time world champ, better known on Nugable by the moniker Fanndroid. By the way, Mike and I are closet Fanning fans too. Just don’t tell anyone. One nice thing about the re-written criteria and level of surfing put on by the rookies and wildcard Medina is that Mick is finally being forced to bust some air. I’ve seen shots and video of him doing them in the past, but never in a heat. And no those fins free tail throws from HB and Trestles last year don’t count as airs. Having said all that, compared to the airs that Dane and Jordy do (even AI’s in Mex or Kelly at Bell’s 2 years ago) Eugene’s alter-ego still has some work to do…
The following is an excerpt from the latest RC Pro update on ASL. To read the entire post you can click on the link provided here: http://www.surfinglife.com.au/news/asl-news/3949-bells-2010-
Fanning comes down the steps and stops to put on his singlet. The singlets here are blue or yellow; Mick’s is yellow. So is his wetsuit. He’s matching his wetty to his contest singlet. What WILL the surf fashion media make of this?? His first wave is almost unbearably sharp and precise. Is this why he keeps getting called a robot by the internet kook squad – ‘cause they hate people who don’t fuck up, just as a matter of principle? The next wave, Mick puts up an enormous frontside air, no grab, nothing. It’s the biggest move of the day, probably. Fucken robot!
I know Round 1 seems like a long time ago already, but if you haven’t read Sheapez’ recap yet, click on this link. It’s worth the read. Short and sweet, like those chocolate Easter bunnies hiding in your backyard shrubbery…
http://blogs.surfermag.com/asp-world-tour/shea-lopezs-round-1-recap/
maybe Bede´s name could be mentioned after Taj´s, Joel, Mick and Kelly. Or maybe there is an unspoken rule about not mentioning Bede´s name, ever! Unless companied by the word “underdog”
No dane/jordy wankabouts
good reading
but not close to the sweetness of those chocolate easter bunnies..
I’m not a fan of fanning. i don’t know where you got that idea mike.
@ mark. I might not have any friends and i’m probably a loser but at least i don’t have a size queen cyber alto ego. susssss
Ban Dante!
Bring back Lantern!
Vote Mark #1
@pierro perfetro
regarding Dusty´s heat (or Dusty´s one turn)
“a stupid and ugly first move”
WTF is your problem man???????????
and my vote goes to Trauzersnake’s dick’s dick!
scary!!!
Read the comments Dante, never implied you would be smart enough to appreciate Fanning.
As for Sheapea’s article Davo….. Andy got smoked and Freddie got smoked. This Andy idolatry will end once Shea comes down from his easter egg sugar rush. Reads like a homogenous Surfline article, no edge so as to keep his bro status. Dusty is gone too ( he fucked his heat up) and Pat G will be a big name on the QS midseason. The only thing of interest was SL’s take on early round losses and the implications to the cut.
Mark chastises us for commenting, unleashes his new insult (barn) and then comments in alias. Flip flop republican size queen.
Oh and ed’s right, Bede is a player.
Ditto Nick Carrol above; this idiotic bashing of Mick is just that. Nobody surfed his equal the other day. For people who are sane, surfing without error is a good thing. And that done with speed, flow, style, rail, with the best air of the contest to boot.
So the question for me is, “was Dusty Payne robbed?” I don’t really like Payne’s surfing so much and so was pulling for Kelly, yet that heat raises some questions for me. Nobody I think argues Payne’s first wave score of 9.17 but contention could be found in the scoring of his second wave. He did the same clean reverse on the face of a smaller wave that he did on the 9.17. yet was only given a 4.98 for it. Was this an underscore? Kelly’s lower scored seven had nothing progressive in it, just standard clean, precise hits and floats. Typical Kelly surfing that few others can match. The judges thought that was worth more than Dusty’s second scoring wave. Were they right?
The only real difference between the two was the size of the wave. Was the low score due to the fact that it was the exact same maneuver as his first wave? Judges demand variety perhaps? If that’s the case is that spelled out in the ASP rule book?
Also, it appears from this heat and other video I’ve seen of Payne, that he has that trick in his ‘back pocket” and can pull it out whenever he wants. In theory, he could pull it out in every heat and get a score for it. Should he be able to? The trick is very progressive but is that what we want to be seeing from him in every heat? Who wins in a heat where Payne does that and Mick surfs fast powerful and covers alot of distance (as he always does). It’s all subjective as far as I can tell.
Wow, I agree with GC…. that sets a new precedent.
As for Dusty, he should have stayed busy. The 9 was a gift and maybe the judges didn’t want to kill kelly over the same trick on a small wave.
Ahhh guys. Fanndroid truly is the Damien Hardman of his day. Fast, clean, precise and competent. The very nice air at Bells is the exception that proves the rule…you always know what you are going to get with Mick. You can close your eyes and imagine it as it’s happening…speed pump, big smooth bottom/top arc, throw in a cutty or a mild tail blow. But NEVER a mind blow. And very few real risks.
Is Fanndroid one of the best surfers in the world. Yes. Emphatically. Moreso in good surf. Would I rather watch him than a convulsing Brazilian who can spin his board around while flapping his head and arms? Yeah.
BUT…
I watch surfing to be inspired. I want creativity and risk taking. I could watch Marzo and Reynolds all day and never be completely sure what I am going to see next. If you can translate that to contests, so much the better. I would rather watch Jordy and his offset nipples fly over two sections and take donuts than see yet another precise, scripted Fanndroid speed run. To me, Reynolds v. Fanning at Trestles 08 was the proof. Man, that was an eye opener, particularly backside on the lefts. On that day, Fanning against Reynolds was like Jordan dropping 63 on Bird in the playoffs.
There is a reason we root for outlaws over sheriffs, and artists over technicians. No disrespect to a very, very good surfer, but I want my World Champion to inspire me. Mick, he just doesn’t do it.
Sorry Mike that was dave mailman that implied i enjoyed fanning.
I sort of have to agree with mr bagel as far as fanning is concerned.He’s a great surfer but if i had surfing dvd i’d skip his section the 2nd time i watched the movie.
@ mark your a bitter little man
Ditto what the Jewish breakfast treat wrote… with cream cheese and lax, please! Salt, pepper, a slice of fresh tomato and some onion too.
As for the latest from the author of Inferno, I haven’t reviewed the HoD to the extent that you apparently have, but I’m pretty sure someone ripped harder than Fanning. Maybe Taj for example. Having said that, as I implied earlier, he has definitely stepped it up a notch. Best air of the comp though? I don’t think so…
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