Rip Curl Pro Final Day Open Thread

8 04 2010


 

The remainder of Round 4:

Heat 5: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 6: Bobby Martinez (USA) vs. Jadson Andre (BRA)
Heat 7: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Luke Stedman (AUS)
Heat 8: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Michel Bourez (PYF)

Predicted quarterfinal match-ups

Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Taj Burrow (AUS)
Heat 2: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Mick Fanning (HAW)
Heat 3: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Bobby Martinez (USA)
Heat 4: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Kelly Slater (USA)

Predicted semifinal match-ups

Taj Burrow (AUS) vs. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 
Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs Bede Durbidge (AUS)

Final

Taj Over Bede

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339 responses

8 04 2010
Randomrandomness

Marks Mom

8 04 2010
Yair

I agree with the quarterfinals, however:
It will be Kelly over Bobby
Jordy will beat Taj and Joel will beat Kelly
Joel will take Taj at the finals.

8 04 2010
Matt

Jordy Vs Bobby final…Jordy wins his first dream tour event…

8 04 2010
Guthrie

Jordy 1st
Kelly 2nd

8 04 2010
Global cooling

Picking winners is a fools game…they all surf good and any of ’em can win. The winner will be the one who get’s the best waves.

Not being immune to foolishness, I’ll take Mick.

8 04 2010
Shamus McRearload

I am going to go out on a limb and predict the winner to be the one who gets the best waves and rips the hardest.

But that’s just me.

The judges usually feel otherwise.

8 04 2010
Global cooling

Is a sport that determines it’s winners by judges really a sport? Is figure skating a sport?

Or put differently, does a governing body (ASP) that has it’s best (arguable) athlete (Dane) losing in round 4 to an athlete of half his ability, have any hope of thriving?

8 04 2010
since you've nothing else to read

Ditto Nick Carrol above; this idiotic bashing of Mick is just that. Nobody surfed his equal the other day. For people who are sane, surfing without error is a good thing. And that done with speed, flow, style, rail, with the best air of the contest to boot.

So the question for me is, “was Dusty Payne robbed?” I don’t really like Payne’s surfing so much and so was pulling for Kelly, yet that heat raises some questions for me. Nobody I think argues Payne’s first wave score of 9.17 but contention could be found in the scoring of his second wave. He did the same clean reverse on the face of a smaller wave that he did on the 9.17. yet was only given a 4.98 for it. Was this an underscore? Kelly’s lower scored seven had nothing progressive in it, just standard clean, precise hits and floats. Typical Kelly surfing that few others can match. The judges thought that was worth more than Dusty’s second scoring wave. Were they right?

The only real difference between the two was the size of the wave. Was the low score due to the fact that it was the exact same maneuver as his first wave? Judges demand variety perhaps? If that’s the case is that spelled out in the ASP rule book?

Also, it appears from this heat and other video I’ve seen of Payne, that he has that trick in his ‘back pocket” and can pull it out whenever he wants. In theory, he could pull it out in every heat and get a score for it. Should he be able to? The trick is very progressive but is that what we want to be seeing from him in every heat? Who wins in a heat where Payne does that and Mick surfs fast powerful and covers alot of distance (as he always does). It’s all subjective as far as I can tell.

8 04 2010
Peter Perfect

You’re right in calling it a ‘trick’ and not a maneuver. It’s ugly. I’m all for progressive moves, but they look best when the surfer does them seamlessly. Dusty rarely does. Jordy makes it look seamless so often.
Dusty’s two waves? First overscored by 2, second underscored by 1.

8 04 2010
Randomrandomness

A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two
things: 1 – Women, 2 – Fractions.

8 04 2010
Mike

Classic Randomrandomness…. What the guys (Dave M) don’t understand is that Marriage is THE biggest business contract they will ever sign…. once?

Glad to see Global Cooling is so desperate to make his point, pulling a bagel and reposting.

Well, well, well, Mr Nugable finally gets it right…. I had Taj over Bede before the contest.

But as it was so eloquently stated above, who the fuck knows what the judges are doing anyway. Anything can and will happen.

As for Dane losing…. remember the Patriots (17-0) lost to the Giants who sneaked in as wildcards. That’s why they play the games….

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Mike, what are you, an elephant? I did that once, like, 50 months ago. Sheesh.

8 04 2010
Dante

As an unmarried man who has little knowledge of marriage can you explain to me how marriage is a business contract please mike ? Anyone else is welcome to throw in their 2 cents worth.

8 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Peter Perfect, 12:23. Right on.

During my Mick Fannticide rant yesterday (sorry to Jelly on Bagel for the “do you really surf?”comment; just didn’t get not liking Mick) I was initially planning on commenting, too, on the Dusty maneuver.

Salvaging a mistake shouldn’t score more than the same trick done precisely. Yesterday’s Surfline (Laird, forgive me) feature on the Winki action brought that again to my attention. Pat G’s similar turn, for example, was devoid of hype because he didn’t nearly lose his board. Like PP said, had someone like Jordy done it cleanly and fluidly, linking it into another turn, the Machine wouldn’t have hyperventilated so.

8 04 2010
Peter Perfect

Amen, brother.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Dante

Let’s say me and my only friend left in the world, PeterPerfect, decided that since we both were wholly into the same autoerotic asphyxiation fetish, we should go into business together selling various fetish accessories. We pool our money together, buy a storefront in West Hollywood, fill the shop with various and sundry deviant delectable’s and begin our business relationship.

After a few successful years, we take some of our profit and purchase a double-wide and an 84 Datsun for our mutual enjoyment. Things are splendid.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, PeterPerfect decides he is no longer into the same fetishes we once shared, and decides he wants to be freed from our business relationship so he can start his own snuff-porn website. I am saddened to learn of this development.

After numerous arguments and hostile visits to the courthouse, a random judge awards PeterPerfect half of our money, AND the double wide, AND the Datsun. Why? Because he’s the woman in this relationship, obviously.

Does that seem fair?

Hell no!!

I am now going to hang myself in my closet whilst tickling my nethers gently with a peacock feather.

8 04 2010
Peter Perfect

And people think these comments are gay. How dare they! Nick Carroll, I’m looking at you!
I’m boozed up and ready to go. Have another five bottles of three euro red wine on standby. Told the girlfriend what to expect. Her finding me snoring prone on the couch, my head propped up by an ailing forearm, with Mick tapping the lip of Winki repeatedly actually garnered some sympathy.
“That’s the world champion?”, she inquired innocently. What happened to the pock-marked bald guy who used to make love to Pamela Anderson?”.
“Oh my sweet”, I replied, “no one ‘makes love’ to Pamela Anderson’, they fuck her Hep C ass off! “Let me show you what I mean”.
Enoch and Nick, if you’re so terribly good-looking, then why do you sleep alone tonight?

8 04 2010
Global cooling

Glad you read the post twice Mikey; you’d do well to take in more such cogent thoughts and and less of your own THC induced musings. 🙂

Comparing a football game to a heat is apples and oranges. Dane wasn’t beaten by any superior opponent or even an uncharactaristic performance by Roy in the heat. No, one wave that was a bit bigger and longer than the others happened to be caught by Roy who promptly less than “slayed” it, and was awarded a 8 for the effort. Dane goes back to Ventura, Roy loses his next heat, and the ASP wonders why pro surfing doesn’t have more appeal.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Everyone knows that people who repost their own comments are assholes.

And also, Fanndroid truly is the Damien Hardman of his day. Fast, clean, precise and competent. The very nice air at Bells is the exception that proves the rule…you always know what you are going to get with Mick. You can close your eyes and imagine it as it’s happening…speed pump, big smooth bottom/top arc, throw in a cutty or a mild tail blow. But NEVER a mind blow. And very few real risks.

Is Fanndroid one of the best surfers in the world. Yes. Emphatically. Moreso in good surf. Would I rather watch him than a convulsing Brazilian who can spin his board around while flapping his head and arms? Yeah.

BUT…

I watch surfing to be inspired. I want creativity and risk taking. I could watch Marzo and Reynolds all day and never be completely sure what I am going to see next. If you can translate that to contests, so much the better. I would rather watch Jordy and his offset nipples fly over two sections and take donuts than see yet another precise, scripted Fanndroid speed run. To me, Reynolds v. Fanning at Trestles 08 was the proof. Man, that was an eye opener, particularly backside on the lefts. On that day, Fanning against Reynolds was like Jordan dropping 63 on Bird in the playoffs.

There is a reason we root for outlaws over sheriffs, and artists over technicians. No disrespect to a very, very good surfer, but I want my World Champion to inspire me. Mick, he just doesn’t do it.

Heh heh. Mike.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Jamon is talking into a canyon today.

8 04 2010
Peter Perfect

Not to mention his ass is a canyon.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Enoch, why don’t you leave Peter’s nether regions out of this.

Did I really say that?

I am ashamed.

8 04 2010
Peter Perfect

Why do you need a ‘World Champion’ to inspire you? Pretty odd really.
Why don’t you follow the Lantern in to the light. I’m sure it’s all good.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Beat you to that one, Peter dearest.

8 04 2010
Peter Perfect

Yeah, you’re sharp as a tack. Now fuck off, the adults want to talk about the shame that is the world tour.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Yeah, it is pretty odd to want to be inspired by the guy who is supposed to be the best of the best. I withdraw my comment. I want my World Champion to bore the fuck out of me.

8 04 2010
Dave Mailman

Bagel, you were obviously a Celtics fan back in the day!

8 04 2010
catalyst

IM surprised nobody is talking about how overscored Adriano has been on everyone of his waves. The kid has 3 maneuvers….. im calling him the judges next golden child, they will always make sure wins close heats he shouldnt…Why you ask? to grow the sport in a 3rd world nation. conspiracy theory yes… but it seems more true than not.

and now back to the BT mix

8 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

I can understand the bagel’s point; in a sport where style and tricks are the buzzwords of today, it does chafe a bit at seeing someone like Mick Fanning surfing without all the modern accoutrements and still winning. He’s not as fluid as Parkinson, not as trick-y as Dane&Jordy, nor as powerful as Kelly or Taylor Knox.

HOWEVER, as someone who grew up playing and admiring competitive sports, I enjoy seeing a man who knows how to win and does so in an efficient fashion. Lynn Swann may have been the most graceful wide receiver of all-time, but everyone knows Jerry Rice was the BEST. Allen Iverson had the smoothest crossover in the game, but as a pointguard Tony Parker was BETTER. I could go on, but I’ve covered this topic before…

Bottom line is, Mick may not be the most stylish, most radical, or most powerful. But if you’re not inspired by 2 World Titles, you may be following the wrong sport.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Fair point, Perkus. But, hey, Duke just won the NCAA Tournament. I respect that, but I dont have to like it. Same goes for the F-Droid and his championships.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Come now gents. Let us not bicker over one another’s short commings. Let us come together in a comely fashion.

See how I did that?

I crow-barred the word “come” four times in three sentences in a comlpetely non-gay way.

*canned applause*

8 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

You’ve also broken the sound-barrier on misspellings. Congrats.

8 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

*Also: I will put $100 on Tiger Woods to win the Masters, right now. Anyone?

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Perkus Tooth may be my new last friend on earth.

I agree come-pletely.

8 04 2010
Dave Mailman

Sorry I’m late for the party. I was busy having the last word on the ‘All Hail Freddy P’ post. While I was there, I was wondering if NC was taking a stab at Chas Smith, or if he was referencing all the Fanndroid haters on this site? Any opinions? Is NC a closet Nugable reader? Also, Mike, I wasn’t giving props to Sheapez’ Surfer post, I was just throwing it out there since he’s now a semi-regular here and thought his input might be interesting since we haven’t heard from him for awhile. Having said that, I think he might be right (I hope so anyway) that AI is just getting a feel for things again and that his best performances this year are still yet to come. Having said THAT, I don’t think he’ll ever excite us the way he once did. It’s truly about the Jordy and Dane show now.

8 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

Wait, is Andy out already?

Goddamit.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Nick Carrol a reader of this website?

Dear Laird, I hope not.

8 04 2010
Dave Mailman

Is the comp on today? Good. I have a puma that needs taming locked up in the bedroom. Nighty nighty gents!

8 04 2010
The Nug

They will make the call at about 4 p.m. PST. Looks like Johanna.

And of course Nick Carroll is a Nugable reader.

8 04 2010
Dave Mailman

Before I get out the whip, leash and collar, I leave you with links to the last two missives from the latest and greatest Aussie surf scribe, Sean Doherty… Guess the Bible of the Sport can’t find any Americans whose writing is worth reading. The Nug is obviously not for hire!

http://surfermag.com/features/protour/2010_rip_curl_pro_bells_beach_round_2/

http://surfermag.com/features/onlineexclusives/winning_run/

8 04 2010
Global cooling

@JBagel (a.k.a crumbs) – your takes are long winded with a hint of irritation and fraught with error. Cease and desist commenting for the sake of the blog.

As for Mr. Fanning, the only problem I can see people having with him is that for as fast as he goes, he rarely uses that speed to go above the lip. The other day, he did launch a frontside no grab air and it was beautiful thing. He should probably do it more often though, so morons like crumbs won’t go to sleep.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

As long as Global Cooling is annoyed enough to ask me to leave, I am assured and reinvigorated.

Long winded…hmmm.

Pot, this is kettle. You are black.

8 04 2010
SMYRNAJEFF

@dante

to get married you first have to leave your mom’s basement once in a while and actually get out there and speak with a live female.

my advice to you is to take a 5 day break from spanking your tallywacker as to let the blisters heal. then go to a local bar and get some tramp hammered and talk her into cruising back to your place.

if she says she is on her menstrual cycle then say no problem you are on your moped. she can follow you over there.

8 04 2010
Elwood

I think the real point with Fanndroid that is being missed is the judging and format of the contests. If they are going to score him with 8’s and 9’s for bread and butter surfing… then why would he be stupid enough to try risky moves…. his livelihood is dependent on advancing outa heats. See last contest Round 3 against Simpo…. he waits for a great wave, does some nice big gouges and gets a 9. If that’s all he needs for a 9 than why risk fucking up a good wave. However, It did seem that the judges maybe tightened up on him somewhat in his next heat. Fanning is capable of busting some progressive moves…. he just isn’t gonna push it until he is forced to.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

“if she says she is on her menstrual cycle then say no problem you are on your moped. she can follow you over there.”

Lmfao.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

When Fanning gets commentators wetting their panties over a decent frontside waft, you know he has a long ways to go.

That’s all I have to say about this matter.

8 04 2010
SMYRNAJEFF

elwood is gayer than ryan seacrest and perez hilton cruising to an indigo girls concert together in a 95 honda del sol convertible.

8 04 2010
Elwood

Ryan Seacrest scores way more quality puss than your mullet styling … truck driving.. Todd Holland wannabe ass

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Dusty’s air was controlled anarchy. At first it looks reckless and uncontrolled. Because it is. Similar Bad Brains intro into ‘I Against I.’ But rather than cartwheeling into a cacophonous splash of fail, ala Yngwie Malmsteen – the air is recovered as the rider’s feet become reacquainted with his board and is allowed to progress onto the next section.

I still remember Curren’s sequence in that ancient Search video where he blows the tail out and loses his back foot before regaining control and momentum. Dusty was unable to do this.

Hence, I find Bad Brains to be ear-delicious in small portions.

Jordy’s wave, in which he pulled a standard pop, then a lip bash, then a superman, then another bash was much easier on the senses. Like listening to Sandinista. The net result?

Jordy got a high 9 and Dusty got a low 9. Personally, I think there was more than a mere point of difference between the two waves.

As I think there is more than just a slight difference between Bad Brains and The Clash.

And I am not about to spell check this mu’fucker… so suck it, Perkus.

8 04 2010
The Grim Reefer

Just got back from tombstone shopping and picking out a couple plots for Freddy and A.I.

8 04 2010
Global cooling

@Elwood (16:16:01) – Exactly. I was going to make the same point but felt a creeping tiring of the topic and just hit submit.

8 04 2010
Randomrandomness

Today marks the 4th day in a row I get to enjoy happy hour. The best part of my wife being a teacher is being able to partake in spring break again. Last night I was seen on the streets of Long Beach yelling “Spring Fuckin’ Break ’92, show your beave or leave!” (this didn’t go over too well with the lady)

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

RR, as much as I hate to admit it, you are starting to grow on me. Like a lichen, sure, but kind of an entertaining lichen.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

M’kay. It’s like 5:05, and like, the contest thingy isn’t on yet. I’m like O.M.G., right. Like, how can they, like, expect us to just, like sit around here, and like masturbate at ludicrous speed while we, like ummm wait for for their asses to get into gear.

Choke me with a spewn, already.

8 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

ATTN Rip Curl: If you could have convinced Brooke Evans and Stephanie Gilmore to conduct their interview topless, I might have considered your webcast a success. As it stands, I am doubly frustrated.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

It’s finally on.

And by ‘on,’ I mean the slaughter of Ace “the proverbial sacrificial lamb” Buchan.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I spoketh to sooneth.

We are sorry…
For service reasons the system is temporarily not attainable.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Although, on Perkus Tooth’s screen it actuall reads:

We are sorry…
For service reasons the glory hole is temporarily not attainable.

8 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

Yeah, I’m actuall not getting the feed either.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

LMFAO!!!!111!! Perkus mispelled actua…

Wait.

Fuck you dude!

8 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

Pretty sure I didn’t misspell anything…

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

The circle of live goes on.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

You know I could do this all knight, right?

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I ironic since of humour is going over about as well as Mick Fanning’s.

8 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

I’m only strict because I care.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Where is everyone? They couldn’t possibly be eating, sleeping, or *gasp* working??

Why would anyone want to miss this… this… this thing at Johanna?

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

There is no reasonable explanation for a Rip Curl contest not to have Alana Blanchard in every single commercial they run.

None.

And to maintain viewership, she should wear less and less clothing as the day progresses. She could start the day in a Burka, before slowly devolving toward the ultimate goal; three small pieces of clear tape… since this is a family broadcast and all.

8 04 2010
Dante

Kellys 9 point ride was sensational.
I know it’s been said to death but it’s really incredible how well he surfs considering he’s pushing 40!!!!

8 04 2010
Dante

@ smyrnajeff and enoch ward.
thanks for the advice. I don’t actually live in a basement or with my mother smyrnajeff but i do however live an overly reclusive lifestyle. I am very very ugly and i think i would have to get a bar tramp very very drunk before she would consider me. I sometimes indulge in the odd prostitute and i have been knowen to forge online friendships with strange girls using photos of more handsome men but i never bothered to meet any of them as i’m worried they would be very angry to see they had been shammed. Really i dont have any friends in real life.If it wasnt’for the internet and my reserve of money to pay for hookers i think i would have necked myself by now.

@ mike i’m still waiting for your advice on why marriage is like a bussiness.

8 04 2010
Common Sense

Slater needs to learn the benefits of indica

8 04 2010
Could it be

Taj’s chop hop was slightly lame.

8 04 2010
Dante

@ common sense do you mean arnica? He was using that the other day. lol

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I am playing a drinking game whereby I pull some off the top of my Jameson every time the Rip Curl feed says “Buffering.”

Needless to say, I may be losing this game.

8 04 2010
Meatwad

evening Y’all just got here web cast been spotty all night?

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Spotty like the panties of a menstruating Adriano De Souza.

8 04 2010
Dante

@ enoch ward.
so it’s not just my semi lame internet? any other nerds internet saying buffering oh so frequently?

why doesn’t anyone love me?

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

We are sorry…

For service reasons the sucky waves of Johanna are temporarily not attainable.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

We are sorry…

For suck-ass reasons the ASP system is temporarily not attainable.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

We are sorry…

For selfish reasons the feed is only available to the eight people on the beach.

And Chas Smith.

Who paid extra to get the feed in the bathhouse just outside Melbourne.

8 04 2010
Dante

i really hope jordy smith wins this heat but i have a feeling fanning will come out on top 😦

8 04 2010
Meatwad

a 7 really a fucking 7 how the fuck can you say he is not over scored Jesus Christ on a bicycle

8 04 2010
Meatwad

I bet Mick could take off on his next wave turn around call Jordy a fucking Jew and they would give him the 2.17 he needs!

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Guys, what did you expect?

Mick Fanning did 224 fading bottom turns to off-the-top combos in a row.

Yet, the commentators always bring up the argument, “yeah but if Dusty does a blow-tail reverse on every wave… isn’t that repetitive? Doesn’t it become easy at some point.”

The argument regarding Fanning was over long ago. He is good. He has NEVER been great. Not once.

Yes. I am drunk.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Mick is a polished contest surfer who excels within the straight-jacket of the ASP rule book. He deserved his championships, and he deserves it until the ASP changes. He never falls… for a reason. And those that love his surfing are also the biggest proponents of the status quo and the mucky-muck system that’s been spoon feeding the same mediocrity for years.

…but he’s such a good bloke.










If you’re Anglo.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Enoch, I have never said this before, but I love you. Can I be your breakfast?

8 04 2010
Dante

meatwad is not a very nice name. Can’t you come up with something better?

8 04 2010
Meatwad

It said buffering Enoch drink.

8 04 2010
Dante

@ enoch ward
I like stories. Can you tell me the story of how you met your wife?

8 04 2010
Dante

Jordy just got a good wave. fingers crossed.He’s just so much more entertaining than mick

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Dante

I am not that drunk yet.

But Jordy just dropped a double grab, to lip bash, to cutty.

So… he’ll pro’lly get a 6.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

8.5 for Jordy. I think the judges got that one right.

Micks waves are a full point too high on both. And there is no debate about that.

8 04 2010
Dante

Jordies in the lead! If he wins this heat i’m going to leave the computer and jump up and down for joy. Yes i have a sad existance.

8 04 2010
Dante

that last wave of micks was terrible. If he get’s his 6 something he needs for that i’ll slit my wrists

8 04 2010
Dante

oh your fucking kidding me

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

If Jordy wins this heat, I will throttle-rape my desk lamp.

And don’t think I am joking.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Lol.

Mick just got a 6.7 after needing a 6.68. Seriously, watch the highlights of that wave. It’s embarrasing.

I am giggling like a school girl. I can’t wait to hear the ASP fans come out and defend this.

I am done.

8 04 2010
m

i knew that shit was going to happen

8 04 2010
Dante

i just went to the bathroom and used a razor blade to inflict some moderate non life threatening cuts on my wrists to relieve the pain upon seeing jordy get robbed in that heat.

8 04 2010
Meatwad

Enoch I miss you already, now that Dante slit his wrists I don’t have to defend my name

8 04 2010
Dante

Don’t give up yet mr ward!
You can easily have a few more drinks to ease the pain.
Then you can write me the story your not drunk enough to write yet.
I”m waiting!

8 04 2010
E

Nothing like catchin your rail on your first hit and doing 3 half-ass turns to the beach and getting the score you need just because you have a Rip Curl decal on the nose of your board.. Gotta love the ASP “dream tour”

8 04 2010
Hello my name is _____

Bobby had a nice punt on that left…

8 04 2010
Dante

that was the best air i’ve ever seen from bobby. huge and clean.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@E

And therein lies the rub, aye mate?

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I still can’t believe that 6.7 for Mick.

The Laird shines His all-knowing light on the heir to nostalgia’s past.

I am headed home. Studio’s closing shop for the evening. I’ll be back later, hopefully for the final.

Don’t worry, I have a driver.

8 04 2010
Dante

ARe you some sort of high roller Mr ward? A hollywood big shot?What do you create in your studio?

8 04 2010
Kampion, Hynd, Warshaw and Hawk

dante is mike

8 04 2010
Mike

Wow, Mick is trashed and marginalized by people I like as if he was his era’s Damien Hardman.

Never seen someone so elite so universally trashed. What is Joel, half a second slower and he’s annointed? Is sluggish Andy so much better? Does Mick “tap” hits?

Damien Hardman was a technician with a low performance ceiling. Won two titles without anyone noticing his surfing. It should be Occ’s biggest shame that he allowed Damien, Barton, Derek or POTTER to win a title. Really, how did that play out? Mortifying Occhilupo.

Fanning is no Damien Hardman. I’ll watch the replays and Jordy may have been robbed, but Fanning is no Hardman.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Mike mike mike mike,

In terms of performance relative to his era and his peers, Fanndroid is EXACTLY Damien Hardman. He IS a technician with a low performance ceiling. And it should be Parkos biggest shame that he allowed those titles to happen.

Something tells me we will never agree on this, but Fanning is one hell of a competitor and a very good surfer. Never a great surfer. The end.

8 04 2010
Mike

Doesn’t matter, live stream is off air….

Wonder why ESPN isn’t interested.

Amatuer hour.

8 04 2010
Dante

Ahh mike

Can you explain to me why a marriage is like a business arrangement? My only personal experiences with women have been online or paid for in a brothel.

Before you laugh you should know i am extremly ugly and women are just not interested in me.

8 04 2010
Mike

Yeah Bobby. Johanna has you nerds sweating your teams eh?

Maybe Rip Curl should concentrate on a good IT team and less on the beer garden. Mobility will be the “excuse”, but this production is poor.

Mark, the definition of “quitting” would require your tired aliases to retire as well, barn. That’s not what I want, it’s what you claimed….. again.

Ok, they interrupt a Kelly ride mid wave and interview Bobby…. no director Rip Curl?

8 04 2010
Dante

@ mike
dante is no mark alias! just ask mark. dante is dante.
I’m a young troubled man with bad depression reaching out for help.
I’m still waiting to hear why marriage is like a business arrangement.
the fate of my wrists is in your hands

8 04 2010
Dante

Mannnnnnnn live stream went offline and kelly got a 9

farrrrrk

8 04 2010
Mike

There’s someone for everyone Dante, but the words “I do” equate legally to “accept your worth”. What other business decision to you give 50% of your assets for a promise. Given California statistics, there may be a few women hunting an easy lifestyle. Family courts is a certified nightmare, everyone loses…. and lawyers get paid to settle when the ex couple is vacuumed of resources. It’s called professional collusion or in some books, the legal profession. Parasitic tendencies enflamed by vultures gorging.

Make sure she is the “right” girl. Listening Dave M???????????

I had time to write this because my stream is again off.

9 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

50+ years, never got married, never had children ( enjoy living vicariously through family and close friends little ones and get to walk away when brat factor gets too high ), still best decision – business or personal – i’ve ever made …

8 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Commentator 1:
After a close semi final heat #2 between Oscillating Volume and Pixelated Picture Quality, it’ll be interesting to see if Buffering… will have an answer for Oscillating Volume’s scintillating form and momentum in the final of the Rip Curl Bells Beach, 2010.

Commentator 2:
Yeah, mate, but Buffering… has been the in-form annoyance of the contest thus far. He’s been huge!

8 04 2010
Dante

@mike
What do you think of pre nuptial agreements? are they fool proof in california?
You don’t make marriage sound very attractive.
Do you regret getting married? Would you do it again if you could rewind the clock?

8 04 2010
Dante

the quality of this webcast is shocking.

You would think rip curl would be able to afford a decent internet team.

ASP should take over the running of the web casts and make them all of equal A grade quality.

with so many viewers it would be money well spent

8 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Dr. Drew says, “Please take this to the Loveline chat room. Thanks.”

8 04 2010
Mike

Bobby Bane wins comment of the day.

Be careful Dante… friendships change and it’s called life.

8 04 2010
Dante

@ bobby bane

I resent that comment.Making fun of a socially inept young man in his hour of need is downright cruel.

The gentlemen in this forum seem well versed in many areas of life and there is a lot more to life than just surfing.

If you read all my comments you will notice more than half of them are regarding surfing but there are other topics worthy of discussion.

8 04 2010
Dante

Please dear laird

Let mick fanning loose this heat

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Gentlemen? Dante, are you ok? Do you need smelling salts?

8 04 2010
Meatwad

did you mean Mick fanning let loose this heat?

8 04 2010
Dante

If the smelling salts are cut with colombias finest i’ll take you up on that offer Sir bagel!

8 04 2010
Dante

So Mike…….others..

If friendships change and people should be careful

pre nups are a great idea?

how do you go about getting somebody to sign one of these miracle papers?

8 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Good God!

Dante, if you need to ask strangers about whether to get married, then you shouldn’t. That being said, I enjoy my marriage. Consider that next time.

Now for the love of Laird, drop it. Twiddle your thumbs during Buffering…’s scoring rides instead of re-writing Goethe’s “Sorrows of Young Dante.”

8 04 2010
Might I Suggest...

…that if you take the D out of Dante and replace it with an L, then add an RN at the end….

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

8 04 2010
caligirl

occy v curren and a quart of tigers urine!

BRING IT BOYS!!!

8 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Might I Suggest pulled a Weekend Edition Sunday Will Shortz puzzle master challenge.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Mick looked much better in that heat against Taj. Still stale as all get out, but he deserved that heat. I am shocked that Taj couldn’t find the form.

I STILL can’t believe that 6.7.

Never should have happened. A 6 at best.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

…Slater v. Martinez. Could this be the most prestigious Bald on Bald heat in the history of surfing?

8 04 2010
Dante

Hmmmm

I have no offers on the table. After this comp finishes i will leave my dungeon and go to the brothel! A big set of fake tits will cure what ails me.

Maybe i should try trawling through some 3rd world countries and see if i can find some girl so poor and desperate to improve her situation that she might go on a date with me to get herself a free dinner. I have never been on a date before. Unless you count arranging to talk to a girl on msn at 7pm the following day after using photos of julian wilsons head to lure her in. Oh sorry my web cams not working but i’d be so happy to watch you.

Oh how lonley i am.

If mick wins this i might just end it all

8 04 2010
Mike

What are you still doing awake Jammy?….

Kelly v Bobby, with Fanning awaiting the winner….

Go Kelly…. although I’ll join the anti fanning chorus for either.

Oh shit, I’m wrong. Fuck you Enoch.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

Taj is following your script perfectly in that interview. You fuckin’ nailed that dialogue perfectly brother.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I heard bald on bald heat and got aroused.

I apologize.

8 04 2010
Dante

Do you want to accompany me to the brothel after the contest enoch?

It sounds like you have some pent up energy!

I’m thinking about getting 1 blonde and 1 brunette for some real fun.

If fanning wins i will head to the bathroom and take a bath with the hair dryer instead.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Mike,

At this point, we just begin to call you folks Mick Apologists. Standing up for the antiquated status quo. To call it boring is redundant. To call it robotic is cliche. To call it workmanlike would be accurate. To call it interesting would break all seven deadly sins.

And you know that.

But you are, after all, the ultimate devil’s advocate.

Dante should take notes.

8 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Mike….

Not enough Fanning surfing to put me to sleep yet. Why are you so mad at Enoch? He is having fun and making new friends. As in creating them. As in, “My friends are toys. I make them. It’s a hobby.”

Right Dante?

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Dante,

As Mark astutely pointed out earlier, we know who you are. And you are making strides in the right direction. Keep working it out, dog. You’re getting there. But for me for you, you still need to work on your song choice… I mean comments a bit. Keep it topical with the occasional jab. And another thing… wait.

Jeez, I feel like I’m nursing a toddler here.

8 04 2010
Dante

Sorry i’m not quite following you there Mr Bagel?
Anyone want to go to the brothel? I know some good ones and i’m a regular customer so i can get yall a discount.

jiggety giggety

8 04 2010
Mike

I’m never mad at Enoch except when he’s right… and I’m wrong.

There, I said it…. if MICK FANNING WINS, I’ll be pissed off.

Fuck.

Don’t you have to “push” something tomorrow Bagel? By push, I mean work.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Jammy,

I can assure you that I have nothing at all, whatsoever, to do with that thing you speak of.

And Mike isn’t mad at me. He and I don’t agree on the Mick topic. Sort of like politics… where Mike disagrees with Mark’s conservative politics.

I’ll let you decide who’s the conservative in the surfing arena.

Heh heh.

8 04 2010
Rob Brain

A.de Souza got robbed by the tide

Jordy got robbed by .03 ???
He has the wrong spono or O’neill need to Start up their own WCT comps-three of them,in fact. Then JS&Bobby&ROY will FINALly start winning WCT’s.Watching a wave from
a 2xWCT champ who whole act is based about being techno perfect- bog a rail first turn then milk it to get a score was bullshit (6.7)
Just enough to win by .03 ?? Weird or straight out bullshit??
Jordy landed air’s,Mick did not even try any.

Then Bobby got robbed (&he won),
His 1st wave was an 4.00, which included an “alllley oop”.It was way better than
Mick’s last wave from a last heat which gotta a 6.7
Bobby will smah these cunts in the lefts.

Joahanna’s a forehand friendly type of beach
Can’t wait the for rain, Johanna’s a beauitful beach when its sunny but when it rain’s, it really fucken rain’s
time to head for the hills
before the backwash becomes bigger than the waves

and time for me to bring my washing

8 04 2010
Mike

You’ve got to be kiddin BR….. that’s fucked up. Double fuck you.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Damn, Mike admitted defeat right after I lay down the conservative vs. liberal argument.

Now I am worried.

Perhaps we agree with everything? May a marriage proposal be in order.

Maybe I should ‘sleep’ on it.

8 04 2010
mark

title race anyone?

8 04 2010
Mike

I don’t want to raise your kids Enoch. Nice try. I’m free and you are a retained slave. That’s the only reason it wouldn’t work out….

8 04 2010
Dante

@ enoch ward.

i don’t recall mark pointing out ‘who i am’ and i’m not a toddler. i’m an emotionally crippled adult named dante

I don’t have any friends. If anyone wants to go to a house of ill repute i’ll pay just so i can look like a big shot in front of the working girls and they will think i have buddies. If i was a lady i would have collected 15 cats by now.

😦

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Slater vs. Mick

Allow me to set the stage.

Mick will do 451 fading bottom turns to lip snaps / slides. They will be ‘lightening quick’ as they say in the cells with padded walls.

Kelly will do a carving 360, and simple air-reverse, followed by a few patented roundhouses with his arms flailing in all directions.

Kelly will win by 2 points.

Mick will be elated that the ‘progressive criteria’ wasn’t implemented in his heat with Jordy.

Chas Smith will copy everything I just wrote.

Done.

And done.

8 04 2010
Dante

Rip curl search puerto rico

great location

i’ve seen some nice images from that tropical atoll in surfers path magazine.

Let’s hope they get some swell!

9 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

and they will get amazingly huge crowds with a lot of energy. and those puetro rican girls are just dyin’ to meet-chu. trust me on that one …

11 04 2010
billy fever

Oh Puerto aye… old mate TB should be able to make a few sex crimes down there. Lots of impressionable underage groupies to take advantage of.

8 04 2010
Mike

Amazing it took pro surfing this long to realize that “exhibition” surfing is more interesting than pro surfing. The Curren/Occy sideshow is another embarrassment, though with such a shoddy podcast who would know?.

8 04 2010
Dante

Occy will win so that they can keep things even for a rematch at jBay later in the year. LOL

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

I call it intermission. Just went to the bar for some rocks. Buzz is heavy.

Bobby had a stellar start to the season… considering the backside effect.

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Occy looks to be weighing in close to a quarter ton. Mark, can you offer us an analysis to a certain someone who shalt remain nameless?

8 04 2010
G.G.D.K

Finally sober after a 6 month bender,
only to see Occy get smashed
then kelly will also get beaten
but the little rip curl pro winners box will be of full of rip curl surfers
first steph,now curren,
and next will be Mick…game set match rip curl

8 04 2010
Dante

marks mother is waiting for quarter tonne occ on the beach with a bottle of lube and a muzzle

8 04 2010
m

I think that is the most excitable and talkative Tom Curren that I have ever witnessed.

8 04 2010
Dante

tommy loves the herb. mr herbfinger

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Is anyone watching the same contest I am?

A 7.17?

Even the ridiculous booth commentary by Rip Curl’s own staff is questioning this.

8 04 2010
Dante

I’m here watching. outlandish how badly these 2 are surfing now.

8 04 2010
m

I hope kelly gets a decent wave if nothing else to see how they score it

8 04 2010
Dante

Hip hip hooray for that nice alley oop with an AMAZING recovery by mr slater

8 04 2010
Enoch Ward

God Bless Bad Brains.

8 04 2010
Meatwad

OMG WTF OMG YAY

8 04 2010
Dante

Boo Ya! Nice reverse by slater. fuck you fanning!

8 04 2010
Elwood

Kelly is a fucking alien… WTF

8 04 2010
Dante

So Stoked Right Now!!!!

8 04 2010
G.G.D.K

Thank Fuck for King Kelly
there is a god
his name is K.S
not J.C.
or M.F.

8 04 2010
Dante

I had half a horn thinking about the upcoming trip to the brothel but then some half naked men covered in some sort of white mud came on stage and it wilted.

8 04 2010
Elwood

never watched the awards ceremony before… that was fucking wacked.

If someone can make a legitimate argument as the why Kelly isn’t the greatest athlete ever… period —– I will blow peter perfects curved penis till he nuts in my mouth.

9 04 2010
Occy's Mum

What up fellas.

First off, big props to Kelly. Damn. Impressed. What WAS that by the way? One foot circa-Curren ’98 Surfer-Extra whatever? And then the class to give to the local tribe. Only to be topped by a text to Freddy C. Legend. As if a bloke needs to write that. Big props, stay happy, go for 10. Pleeeeease.

Couple comments. First off, lose the fucking jetskis in four foot surf. God fucking dammit that’s lame. Second, get the goddam webcast right. I own Apple’s latest and AT&T’s finest (that’s the best in the U.S. you sons of bitches), and it still doesn’t work right. Good enough though I suppose. Props for that, but not great. And lastly, Mick, you fucking dimwit Aussie, don’t you ever discrace the Jewish race again. Hope you learned your lesson. Ha, relax brother, I know you were drunk.

That’s it, peace. LEWIS, COME BACK DUDE! You’re the best in the world you fuckwit. Please come back.

P.S. Snickers, thank you. But go to hell.

9 04 2010
Occy's Mum

P.P.S. Elwood, you’re gay, my friend. But I love you.

9 04 2010
Occy's Mum

P.P.S. Elwood, you’re gay, my friend. But I love you.

P.P.S. Nug, if I get one more rebuttle like the one I just got (“You just posted ‘That'”) I will never post here again. And your life will suffer. 😉

9 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Occy’s Mum is gayer than the cast of Desperate Housewives going shopping in Derek Reilly’s underwear drawer for Ben-Wa Balls.

9 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Elwood,

First, PP’s shaft is not curved. It is more or less a veiny tic tac. Only smaller.

The flavor resembles Mark McGrath’s throat. Which is odd… yet familiar, I know.

Second, Pele was the greatest athlete ever, and the mere mention of someone greater will put sentence your nuts to the vice-grip of reality faster than you can say Michael Jordan. That vice-grip being my feverish fist.

Third, you are drunk… as am I, so we shall let that abominable comment pass.

Finally, Mick beating Jordy was an embarrassment that should not be left by the wayside. A farce in every way. Mick did not out surf the iguana-nippled one. He merely thanked the judges under the Rip Curl banner for his Rip Curl victory at the Rip Curl Bells Beach Pro.

Jordy merely wandered around on the beach, hoping one of his eyes would focus long enough to lead him to the nearest bar.

I bid you all an adieu.

G’night.

9 04 2010
G.G.D.K

U gotta love the Victorian T.V. news-
sports report.
It starts with 10mins of Australian Football Leauge(AFL) bullshit then the sports reporter gives his tips for this weekend’s big games.
Then Finally the Rip curl pro today:
“9 time world champ had big win at Bell’s today”(fuck I don’t he surfed Bell’s all comp,apart from rincon 4 years ago)
As big as surfing is these days and thinks its much bigger,
the rest of world don’t give shit

9 04 2010
Dirty SOuth

I completely fine with Surfing not being Whored out on ESPN.

Who Won BRASIL last Year?????

Oh and BEDE is the man, right??????

9 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

And that is actually a lot better than we sepps have it. Try finding a recap of ANY surf contest on ANY tv news station in the entire continental U.S. Good luck and make sure you have at least an 18-pack at your disposal.

9 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

And by better I meant worse. Heh heh.

Mike.

9 04 2010
Mike

I know you get up early to bake, but when do you sleep Bagel?

9 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

What can I say, Mike. I am a retained slave.

9 04 2010
Global cooling

Much talk of Mick’s generous scores against Jordy (all true), but what about the scoring his heat against Taj? He was pushed in that one as well. Taj received a 6.15 for a wave that included a big turn and a decent air that landed in the flats. Whereas Mick’s first wave was an average turn with a nice ending hit. 7.83. Complete joke. At least the right guy won.

9 04 2010
Randomrandomness

Theres always time to masturbate. My grandpa taught me that.

9 04 2010
Dante

i watched the heats on demand. I was looking forwards to watching bobbys heat against joel and to my dismay they did not include his alley oop or his monster straight punt. WTF

Off to the bathroom to cut myself again

9 04 2010
Global cooling

noticed that…nor did they include Bede’s last air that he almost landed.

9 04 2010
Enoch Ward

The Heats On Demand should show all rides in a given heat… even the ones where the rider falls. Otherwise there is no way to get an accurate feel for a heat.

But alas, that makes way too much sense to be actually implemented.

I remember a contest a year or two ago, that actually had the entire heat on demand. You could go back a few days later and watch all 30 minutes of the heat. I wish I remember which contest it was. That’s getting it right.

Of course, they discontinued that practice… it made too much sense.

9 04 2010
Global cooling

They (whoever’s putting on the contest) normally shows every ride (right?), but Rip Curl figured, “hey since this whole contest has been a cluster, why not continue in that spirit for heats on demand. And even more, we’ll make the final day’s webcast glitchiness second only to Globe’s ’08 Fiji debacle (where instead of high bandwidth satellite transmitters being used, it was decided that to save money, an elaborate system of tin cans and string would suffice).

9 04 2010
trauzersnake

@Randomrandomness @11:03-

your granpops sounds like a great man. He and I should get together and go bowling.

9 04 2010
Randomrandomness

@trauzersnake

I would let him know about your offer to go bowling but he has been dead for over a decade.

…and you’re right he was a great man and obviously gave me great advice

9 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Global Cooling,

They rarely show ALL the rides in a heat. They usually show the scoring rides and maybe a couple others, so they can shoe-horn everything into a tidy little two minute highlight with background music by garbage rock bands.

It appeals to the MTV generation that prefers everything in small doses so they don’t have to use their mind any more than necessary than an average four year old would.

I want my Heat On Demand to be that. The entire heat, on demand. Otherwise, just call it a highlight clip. Unless its Neco or Jeremy Flores’ heat, in which case it would just be called the gaylight clip.

9 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I used “than” a few too many times in my second paragraph.

That should give Perkus Tooth the first erection he’s had since World War II.

9 04 2010
Global cooling

“It appeals to the MTV generation that prefers everything in small doses so they don’t have to use their mind any more than necessary than an average four year old would.”

The above is spot on as well as the garbage background music reference; Such crappy music.

For the offense of showing the womens award ceremony while AI and Dane were surfing round one and the horrid last day coverage and the diminished heats on demand on offer, I resolve to never buy a Rip Curl product again (unless there’s like a really good sale going on at the Trestles outlet store).

Who will join me!

9 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

I prefer to call it ‘E-Day’.

9 04 2010
Dante

I felt really lonley tonight so i ate to much food.After dinner i ate a family sized block of chocolate, a blender full of fruit smoothie (possibly 4 glasses worth) 3 chuya chups, a large packet of dorritos and half a pecan pie.
Then i felt ill and worried i would get fatter so i went to the bathroom and stuck my hand down my throat tell i threw up.
After this ordeal i felt guilty so i cut the inside of my thigh for relief. I would have cut my wrists but after cutting them at the end of fannings victory heats yesterday there was not much room left for a good slash.
I give myself a monthly budget of 1000 dollars a fortnight to spend on prostitutes and i’ve already used it up so for the next 4 days im going to be lonley.

Does anyone want to keep me company?

10 04 2010
Chuck Buckets

Dante just killed nugable.

10 04 2010
Dave Mailman

Just watched the HoD package. Slater slayed it and definitely deserved the win. Pretty classy gesture too, giving the trophy to the local aboriginal tribe and letting them all ring the bell. Should have been a Taj vs. Kelly final though. Kelly still would have won. Kelly vs. Taj for the Title now if they keep on form like that.

10 04 2010
Peter Perfect

Are you saying Taj was underscored against Fanndroid? It is funny that Kelly ‘drama queen’ Slater is more relevant than Mick with the new criteria, when they bother to apply it…
For someone in the twilight of their career, has their ever been a better twilight athlete than Kelly Slater? Maybe only Lance if he wins the Tour…
or perhaps Tiger when he’s back from his third trip to the rehab facility in 2019.

10 04 2010
billy fever

What about that presentation with the local native savages doing their thing. Fanning’s speech reeked how he said thanks to them for letting them use their land. The ASP and RipCurl probably told him to do that to keep the PC brigade happy after his jew bashing efforts.

What about how Freddy P couldnt say his bit without getting fined by the ASP.
ooooo cant say bad things about the ASP! They try so hard to maintain the cleanest image yet half those dudes are the biggest rompers out ther. They throw the biggest booze-filled after-comp parties full of drunk impressionable little girls they try to take advantage of.

The ASP commentators annoy me too aye. Every wave they talk the surfer up so heavily. Even if they kook the wave they talk them up saying they’re such incredible athletes and surf with amazing power and style and that it was an uncharacteristic mistake. Biggest wank.

10 04 2010
G.G.D.K

the best part of the in and out webcast,
was seeing Dr. Claw$ (rip curl owner)
reaction to Bobby surfing the left,
instead of the mick fanning fav’ing fat rights
he was like”whats that damm mexican thinks he’s doing,I’ll send the white lightint to fix that damn jew,this is a right handed comp in right handed town,I’ll kill that damn mexican/jew”
bobby almost =freddy p. interview with that move alone

10 04 2010
The Grim Reefer

Just bought a plot for Parko too.

To have any world title chance he needed to rung the table in the right points.

Doesn’t make it in the top 5 tis year.

Done & buried.

10 04 2010
trauzersnake

Anybody got any ideas for a good board design for a slightly over the hill greybeard? It’s tough to get under 180 lbs, and the standard high performance shortboard just dosen’t work that well for me anymore-especially for getting in on time. Tried a fish before, but-jury was kind of out on that. Wider nose? heavier glass job? thicker rails? Something maybe with the characteristics of a fish but more like a shortboard. Something that will still turn pretty good and be responsive….and still work in pretty decent waves. Somebody please help.

PS-I’ll pull a Dante before i ever go longboard or funshape……so scratch that shit!

10 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Traiz. if Nug has your email, have him hook us up. I can help. Seriously.

10 04 2010
G.G.D.K

Mailman, all your posts have been a industry suckhole(looking/sucking for the next H.Job)shit.
But your last 2 post’s have been truth&actual gold.I almost started to like you.But Now your gone back to bullshit, looking for your next (H) job.Have you been overdosing on team Billabong’s Bi-pola pill stash left over’s from occy,margo,&now andy etc.You make some cents, but only for the next dollar.Just Like everything el$e in this fuckd up world.

Now guess who builds the Bell’s Beach comp site-Aboriginals
They call them the “Bell’s Beach dog’s” and they get to put up their aboriginal flag first(before even rip curl’s) on the comp site.How cools that Mailman,but wait there’s more; rip curl even make there own ‘Bell’s Beach dog’s'(sweat shop) made T-shirts for them to wear for the whole comp(2 weeks straight).Then at the end of the comp they get a double pay day by dancing (without their T-shirts) and painting the new rip curl pro’s champ face.Great to see rip curl helping the community like that.
Mind you,how many aboriginals work at Rip Curl full-time(not many ,if any???)
But 1 months work at the rippy pro will cover that.

But mined you mailman,
Those aboriginals are native to Bells Beach not Johanna(2 hours drive away from Bells),
But their already on the pay roll so it doesn’t really matter,does it?
Just keep the show ROLLING ON

Kelly only gave the Bell to them cos he didn’t want them to steal his car.
and if by chance this was Kelly’s 1st Bell not his 4th-do you really think he would have given it away to the local people??not a fukn chance

Has anything in Australia really changed?
Has anything REALLY changed since 1778 when Captain Cook stole this great land from the Aboriginal people.
FUUUUK NO.IF It isn’t Captain Cook, it’s now Rip Curl.Doing the same shit as what$ has happen for well over 200 years.
The English settler bullshit on a country and local tribe of people not ready to deal with it.
Australia has been seek’d and destory’d more than anywhere.
Just with better P.R. bullshit in 2010,to cover up the TRACKS

How bout we give the “real”local people full time work at next years Rippy Pro as commentators. Instead of the shit house Rippy suckhole commentators, how bout we get the local aboriginal tribe in da booth.saying gold like this”this Kenn Dann making a comeback live on da mic with my real little bro..Dale Richards live on the mic,fucken h’ay bro,we could surf better than these whitey cocksuckin’ ho’s,h’ay bro,I can pop air’s beta than that jew sucking whitey fannyman,fuck yeah bro,where’s da the free piss,bro,”don’t know bro”well fuck Im not doing this comeback for nuthin,eh bro,fuck these white cunts we’re going walk about” ”

Not the 2010 Rippy pro bullshit of Pottz and Sean D.(rip curl family members)saying “micks last 6.7 was outstanding ” but “Neco’s bottom turns just arn’t as good”,when has bottom turns made anyone lose, What the fuck??
I personally reckon Neco’s surfing better than ever
Freddy Pee will love this local/indig(I)ness commentators move more than anyone

10 04 2010
Dante

Trauzersnake my greybearded amigo.
I don’t wish anyone to endure the daily sufferance which is my poor excuse for a life.
So I present you with not a fish but a SUPER fish
I was sold when i read ‘fast and smooth’

http://www.surfindustries.com/surfboards/7S_superFish.php

wank on you horny old goat!

10 04 2010
Elwood

Trauzer…

Got the perfect board for you… in San Diego too…. shoot me an email via Nug and I’ll hook ya up.

10 04 2010
Dante

@ G.G.D.K

That last comment is a bit racist don’t you think?

In regards to the free piss i do think those native savages would have been happier with the bottle of champagne kelly was presented with than the bell.

But hey. Never look a gift horse in the mouth!

10 04 2010
G.G.D.K

I’ve been wondering for awhile why Pottz jumped ship from Quiksilver,which has a great hisTORY of hiring all the ex-world champs-T.C,M.R,Kong(old people’s world title) etc.
Now in 2010, Mr No bullshit Potter is with Rip Curl.I think I may know the truth on this one,but I think Mailman will be able to give us the inside ahhh……mail on this one people

P.S. when’s quiksilver gonna start paying Barton Lynch some sorta DEALer ship right’s??he’s more aussie that hoyo

10 04 2010
Mike

@Trauzer, do yourself the best surfing favor you have ever done for yourself and order a CI M4. Fucking rip stick and I’ve never owned a corpo board before.

Template is wider overall, heaps of concave and the thing lifts and flies… amazing. I clock in at 190 after my trip, 11 lbs less in three weeks of surfing, but it rode unreal day one. I’m 6’2″…. so I went with a 6’3″, 2 1/4. A buddy got a 6’6″ and he found new life on the thing. If you’re not fit, order it 2 1/2. The rails, tail and nose are super foiled so it rides thin, but it floats and planes ridiculously.

If you go to the SB store, they have a “blem” section and the 2nds sell for under 400. If you find one, buy it cause they change over the blems pretty often… I got screwed when I stashed two behind some fishes and the next day, they were gone.

M4 dude, fuck fishes…

10 04 2010
Dante

@ billy fever
What sort of fever do you have sir? bulbonic plague?

12 04 2010
Jeffery Purnell

It started with the yellow fever… then I got a dose of the Latin Fire.

I’m really enjoying Pad Thai at the moment.

10 04 2010
Dante

I need to punish myself in a new and exciting manner.
Maybe i will look into asphyxiating myself whilst stroking my tally whacker micheal hutchins style.
Any thoughts on that particular brand of masturbation trauzer snake?

10 04 2010
trauzersnake

@ Elwood-thanks dude, I’ll get with ya shortly

@ Mike-thanks, I’ll look into that too.

@ Dante….never tried it….never tried base jumping either, but I hear its killer. Just be careful bro. Don’t be like dave carradine.

10 04 2010
Dante

@ trauzer snake
i’m suprised! You make yourself out to be a masturbation guru! base jumping! wow that could be fun. only i’m not very athletic and as a larger slower gentleman i fear i would plummet to my death which is all very well and good if fanning wins a world title again this year but really i’m just looking to get close to death and/or experience some pain to make me feel emotions, i don’t actually want to die….at least not until i have slayed 1000 prostitutes.

10 04 2010
Dante

@ trauzersnake

Did you have a look at this link?

I know you seem against fishes but this isn’t an ordinary fish. It advertises the qualities in a board you are seeking.

http://www.surfindustries.com/surfboards/7S_superFish.php

10 04 2010
mark

dream scenario dane wins brazil with andy and jordy and parko in semi’s.

can u imagine j-bay 8 foot night trains with the full title pressure cooker boiling over?

followed up by, FINALLY. a 3 full day 8 to 10 swell in Tahiti won by Bobby followed by the 8 foot 4 day oil glass lowers lovefest with jordy nipping parko with 3 seconds to go magical magic.

you gotta admit the possibilities are fascinating with pro surfings top ten rock stars establishing the cutting edge state of the art like never before.

10 04 2010
mark

of course that all pales compared to skeeter winning pipe and #10 all in the glow of a 12 foot afternoon west swell joey buran “dreams come true man dreams come true!” scenario.

I WANT MY ASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11 04 2010
skud

Rip Curl’s gonna get skunked in Puerto Rico. they’re gonna be surfing 2-foot trade-wind Jobos or Aviones the whole time. outside of a perfectly placed late season hurricane swell (which only lasts 2 1/2 days max anyway), their chances of getting proper swell are slim. the North Atlantic just isn’t all that active in November, certainly not like it is in January. in short, we won’t be seeing any surfing going down at Rincon’s famed big-wave reefs.

Barbados woulda been a much better choice. more open to all swell directions, more consistent, just a safer bet overall. plus even when Soup Bowl sucks, it’s still good. 30mph NE trades blowin’ right at that wave and it’s still very contestable.

11 04 2010
Dante

I concur skud.
mark you are a man who fantasizes about competitive surfing. How cute.

11 04 2010
Dante

NUG

I think I speak for everyone when i say we are ready for something new!

11 04 2010
trauzersnake

congratulations to phil mickelson on his third green jacket. That shot from the pinestraw in the trees on the par five was sick! Not even a thought of laying up.

11 04 2010
ssshhhhhh

Surf’s been on fire here!?
Kelly fell on his alley-oop!!
Brazil should be fun after what everyone was put through at Bells.
@Mike- Real surfing begins when the waves are over 6 feet.
AI could still be World Champ if every event was over 6 feet.

11 04 2010
Randomrandomness

I’m proud of Mexico for doing a great job with the whole earthquake thing.

11 04 2010
Lantern's Father

Probably the difference between man and the monkeys is that the monkeys are merely bored, while man has boredom plus imagination.

Vote 1 Lantern’s Father

11 04 2010
mark

dante you are not a man.

12 04 2010
Dante

Mark it would appear you have many alter egos. Lanterns father must just be another one of them.
Your comment kickstarted me into a spiral of depression for i am a man. A sad lonley man that spends to much time in his dungeon.
Later today when i have the energy to get up i will run my car on idle in the garage and inhale the smoke from the exhaust pipe.
I have ran out of places to cut myself.
I hope your proud of yourself mark.

12 04 2010
Randomrandomness

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

12 04 2010
Might I Suggest...

…that you take it elsewhere Dante? I am sure you can find other places with a more like-minded crowd. Your schtick is neither funny nor welcome here.

12 04 2010
Elwood

How about a Masters re-cap.

That was some good shit going down this weekend… so inspiring that I went out and whacked the ball around last night…. and made a legit Eagle on the second hole I played… a 550 yard par 5… no joke.

12 04 2010
smyrnajeff

is dante dead yet?

i hope so.

12 04 2010
Dante

@ might i suggest………how about you suggest some other more appropriate websites for me to visit and i will take them into consideration. At the moment i enjoy this website because i am a surfer and surfer’s being such kind compassionate people i figured yall would be willing to help me with my many problems.

@ smynajeff i’m not dead yet but life is like a game of russian roulette for me. I do something suicidal or pain inflicting to myself on a near daily basis so it’s only a matter of time. fingers crossed hey buddy!

Mark is such a fine christian man full of kind loving caring christian principals.He reminds me of a teddy bear and i want to give him a big cyber hug.

12 04 2010
Jeffery Purnell

Haha Fuck off Dante ya prick.

Eat some of peter’s fish and get some omega 3 into ya. Brain food bro…brain food!

12 04 2010
Bone an Raized

@Trauzer
Lots of good semigeezer boards out there. Not wanting to go longboard is commendable. Retro fish suck. Lots of big guys over here, ripping on big guy shortboards. Find a good, local shaper, Go custom! Not corpo!
@Mike SHAME ON YOU FOR PLUGGING CI!!!
The M4 may be a ripstick supreme, but spending(more) money at CI is to feed the big machine that is ripping the heart out of surfing!
11lbs. in 3 weeks? Sounds like more waves than beer!

12 04 2010
Rusty Pruisdorferr

You do know Trauzer that I am a big guy, big shaper and my best work is big guy shortboards that I steal from Al Merricks team guys… come on in and talk to me and I’ll have you on a faux Merrick tomorrow.

I call my rip stick the M 4fattie. Then I got my Slay(t)er. My desert island all around and of course, my “Bobby Martinez doesn’t ride my boards anymore but I based my whole line of his model” model. Of course, there is always the ever popular “Occy hibernated on this couch and can still rip this shit” model that I made for the Occster after his binge eating and drinking sabatical. If the dude ever figured out cocaine, he’d had saved himself the extended comeback….. what’s that you say?????

That sucker Merrick pays a team when I just plagarize. And if you drive in today in a Prius, I’ll give you a free bar of wax!

12 04 2010
David Maleman's Mailman

Been trying to deliver the new ASP schedule to DM for a week, no one home. Went to the ASP Europe offices, closed. I could reroute everything to Brazil, but if it doesn’t make it in time….. Wow, they won’t get the delivery for almost 3 months. What kind of business closes for a quarter of the year?

12 04 2010
Lantern's Father

I like all my children, even the squat and ugly ones

Vote 1 Lantern’s Father

12 04 2010
trauzersnake

I vote 1 Cumdumpster….I mean, er Lantern’s Father. Lantern’s father’s cum must have actually mixed with some ungodly bacteria in the sewer system to make lantern, actually. Or some shit like that. Shit, I’m gonna start using towels to avoid that sort of situation.

12 04 2010
Dante

This lantern fellow is not very popular by the sounds of it.

@ Trauzersnake you really wank yourself off to often. Are you poor? Why don’t you go and enjoy some prostitutes? They give much more satisfaction than hand relief.

I ate so much comfort food tonight i feel like my stomach is going to explode. Oh the joys of a junk food junky. I want to go and throw up but i don’t think i’m up to the burning sensation of the bile in the back of my throat and i have a head ache from last nights exhaust fumes.

Later tonight i’m going to put a paper clip down the eyehole of my penis and get a prositute to suck me off until i cum and shoot the paper clip into her mouth with a wad of cum. Sure beats whacking yourself aye trauzersnake.

12 04 2010
Might I Suggest...

…that we all take the same approach we did with the Lantern? The one suggested by the Bagel, aka dont respond to the persona non grata?

12 04 2010
Gollum's Precious

@might i suggest,

We bides out time.

12 04 2010
Lantern's Father

One of the problems that the internet has introduced is that in this electronic village, all the village idiots have internet access……… DANTE

Vote 1 Lantern’s Father

12 04 2010
Jeffery Purnell

Haha, Lantern’s Father huh… you just proved your point.

Jeffery knows what’s up.

12 04 2010
mark

might i suggest is nug.

but you all knew tha t right?

12 04 2010
Scrotie mcboogerballs

dante might I suggest that you go get some xanax and some black tar,so that your too high to cut yourself? It kills you slowly too so that your coward ass can REALLY end it,let’s hear it for slates tho!

12 04 2010
Scrotie mcboogerballs

BTW I like hookers and drugs too so maybe we could go to the brothel together sometime?

13 04 2010
Dante

scrootie mcboogerballs. i don’t much like your name sir. But maybe i can take you to a brothel if you call yourself something more fitting for the night such as Pleb Lackey.
I’ve never had a friend to take whoring before.
I”ll pick you up in my company limo at 8. We can snort white powder and wash down little blue pills with dom perrigon.
We will arrive like kings among men and make many sex crime with the copious amounts of young sweet peaches on offer.
Then on the way home i will suffer a come down and have a mood swing.I will tell the driver to kick you out in the rain so you can walk home.
Then i will go to my medicine cabinet and take a large handful of pain killers and go to the bathroom and cut myself until it stops hurting. then i will pop some sleeping tablets and pass out for 12 hours only to wake up the next day more depressed than ever on blood stained sheets.

13 04 2010
dont get it

EW cant rant for hours but DANTE should be shun?

This blog has turned into nothing more than Dave Maleman’s and occasionally Shea Lopez’s FACEBOOK PAGE.

13 04 2010
Epiphany

Dante=Lantern

13 04 2010
Dante

What a preposterous slanderous allegation from epiphany and friends.

I”ve read what that lantern fellow wrote in past articles.

Lantern seems to be a larger than life outrageous and eccentric charactor with high self esteem given to long rambling anecdotes.

Dante is a sensative young man given to long solitary walks and spending to much time alone as he doesn’t have any friends. His self esteem if very low.

I fail to see how you came up with the conclusion dante = lantern

I think yall been smaokin too mach whacky tobabby yall

vote 1 dante 🙂

P/S i’m not that fond of lanterns comments so as yall think i have something in common with him i am most distressed. yall drove me to an afternoon plan of binging on triple choc cookies and pain killers.

13 04 2010
Dante

Where is enoch ward?

That guy makes me giggle like a young school girl.

13 04 2010
Scrotie mcboogerballs

I’ll take the walk in the rain over hearing you brag “did you see me dirty houdini that chick I’m sooo awsome” and then I’ll walk back to the brothel and hear them talk about how small your “wiener” is,sorry nug,I’m done

13 04 2010
Dante

why figgsy u ingrateful lout.The trips off. If that’s how you treat someone who offered to spend up big on you i’d hate to see your reaction for the indian man that accidentally short changed you at the supermarket.

your a bad man

13 04 2010
Epiphany

Regarding the regularity of its annoyances, it is equivalent to the lantern

13 04 2010
Dante

Well like ‘don’t get it’ said. How come it’s ok for Enoch, mark, bagel, mike etc to drop endless comments but it’s not ok for Dante to sing the sorrows of young dante? Dante is just trying to express his hurt feelings to the world the only way he knows via the net as he has no friends or family to talk to.

I heard depressed ppl watch soap oprahs. I’m going to try to download dawsons creek now and try it out.

14 04 2010
Scrotie mcboogerballs

I knew you were gay enough to watch oprah,you over compensating prick,I know where all the good costar rican “truck stop” whorehouses are so i don’t need you self cutting mood swinging ass to show me shit,I did the whole dante thing before you knew how depressed you were….beotch

13 04 2010
mark

dante’s favorite song?

“when i think about you i cut myself”.

13 04 2010
Dante

Trauzersnakes favorite song

When i think about you i touch myself

haha…..u gotta admit that was clever

i almost feel happy now……almost

13 04 2010
sean

oi……….fkn how’s that killy slater cant aye?//////111111farrrk…..that cunt was just rippein at beelllls beach mate.
fucking cunts so fucking old and he’s just doin fkn airs and shit like he’s a fkn teenager or some shit aye. farrrrrkkk.
oi fucking what’s with this dante prick. fucking cunt should go on dr phil website or something aye.
fuck you you fucking cunt.
Youse some suss cunts in here aye. read your comments sounds like a fucking big family having a big sook n shit aye. cunts

sick of ya already. just fucking wanted to say kelly did a good job at bells

fuck off

13 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Sean, you got promise… Why dont you stick around for breakfast?

13 04 2010
mark

I am not one for excluding certain people from expressing their views but Dante needs the axe Nug.

I want to see his severed head rolling down Coast Highway by sunrise tomorrow morning.

13 04 2010
Marks dog Eddie

bark bark, Dad, Nug has abondoned his blog just like that other dude who couldn’t keep up his own pace, bark bark.

bark bark, it’s probably better for you Dad if this site turns into the living morgue that Post Surf has become, bark bark.

bark bark, don’t worry Dad, Dave Mailman will never stop commenting and if Bagel hangs around, no one will realize that Nug has bailed for months…. until the tour finally gets going again mid July, bark bark.

bark bark, fair warning boys, there will be no preview to Jbay bark bark.

13 04 2010
Common Sensei

Dante is Lantern. And fucking pathetic as ever! How ling till brazil? Can’t wait for the perve shots of some brazzo booty!

13 04 2010
Lantern's Father

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail

14 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Dante is currently ensconced in all nine of the brown rings of Hell which we often refer to as:

1. Mind Bore
2. Lusty Bowel Quake
3. Gut Wrencher
4. Ass Muncher
5. Whore For Hairy Ass
6. Here be Scabies
7. Vaginas Are Silenced
8. Fucks the Rod
9. Betrothed… Are you Kidding?

It is now up to you, Dante/Lantern/GGDK/Etc… to grasp destiny by the horns and move your sputtering furnace towards more fertile pastures. Onwards, towards more fallow fields where the soils cling less stably to each other and remain much more agreeable to your lusty sphincter-weeds of Phillistinical parasites that harvest the brain matter of special-needs marmots.

For that, I must congratulate you with a hearty leaf blower set to ludicrous-speed, and aimed square at the feather-weight furrow of your helmet-framed brow.

Sayonara, ye olde ass-chapstick.

-E.W.

14 04 2010
Jeffery Purnell

oooo look at me I use big words.

14 04 2010
Sorrows of young Dante

@ Mark

Your apathy makes baby jesus cry. Shame shame. You had better open your arms to brother Dante or i fear there will be no pearly gates for you.
Do you realy want to be on the wrong side of the fence when they seperate the goats from the sheep? Oh my my.

I’m so worried for you immortal soul i started crying and crying and crying. Then out came the razor blades again to quash my pain.

Can you give me a big hug mark? To make me feel better? Brother mark?

You fine compassionate christian brother, you big teddy bear you.

14 04 2010
Bondi sucks

Mailman what happened in Scotland? You got knocked out in your first heat.

14 04 2010
Sorrows of young Dante

@ enoch ward

I especially like this line.
Onwards, towards more fallow fields where the soils cling less stably to each other and remain much more agreeable to your lusty sphincter-weeds of Phillistinical parasites that harvest the brain matter of special-needs marmots.
Your such a cruel and unusual young fella. or should i say old dungeon master.
To be honest i’m not even sure why you don’t enjoy Dante.The sensative young poet has never done anything to hurt you.Maybe you are threatened by the fact that dante is posting to many comments which is usually your forte though you have been rather quiet since the bells comp.Like i said to @might i suggest…..if you can suggest a better website and if i have a look at it and i prefer it i may choose to leave.Or maybe not, try your luck you homoerotic old goat!

You seem to have a high opinion of your intelligence and a great love for all things sphincter and brown. You must be a huge hit on the gay scene. Gays love big cocks and they say clever men are equipped. I bet they are just lining up at the door for you. If you ever go to brazil you should go to praia galheta. There they have many muscly men all trying to out creep each other. If your brave enough to go for a surf sometimes you can spot big black rock lobsters sunning themselves on the rocks waiting for a man such as yourself to present themselves to them. A well equipped, experienced,witty and charming gringo is what you are. You my friend will be a super star! A real contender on the local gay scene i’m sure you are but why not globalize you horny old goat.

I’m a bit groused out now so i’m off to the bathroom to throw up. There goes a whole pecan pie, a 1 litre tub of sara lee ice cream and a giant sized pizza supreme.

14 04 2010
Lonnie Melbaneuts

Very excellence blog Nuggetable. It inspiring me with love for surfing internets. We must surf internets all day if premium condition abounds here, no? Thank you much times for updating all day every time. Only us surfers of internets know the feeling, lol. Right!

Keep bountiful updates coming all the time. I surf your internets page mostly often.

Bye for now!

14 04 2010
CaliGirl

Dante should get a dog.

Mark said that whenever he is sad he just hangs out with his dog Eddie and snuggles up and plays rough house and he isn’t sad anymore.

14 04 2010
Marks dog Eddie

bark bark, uhhhh cali girl you are so naive, Mark weighs 270 lbs and I’m just 8 pounds dripping wet….. rough housing to you is torture and abuse to me, bark bark.

bark bark, and when jolly green giant (Mark) loses a football bet, mommy locks us in a safe room and has 911 on speed dial, bark bark.

bark bark, it may not be as warm and fuzzy as Courtship of Eddie’s Father, but I’m know a boy dressed up as a girl and you, Cali girl will only fool Mark until he “rough houses” with you, bark bark.

14 04 2010
Dave Mailman's Facebook page editor

Due to the extended break of the ASP tour and David Mailman losing first round heats and getting married, David Mailman’s Facebook page will not be updated until someone criticizes the ASP again. We will however be posting Dave’s shocker of a first round loss video and his even more shocking “bucks night out”….. though we don’t expect Dave to comment personally.

Thank you so much for visiting Dave Mailman’s Facebook page and we look forward to some interesting content sometime mid July. For those of you confused, we will continue to update the top 10 WCT placings although there should not be any changes until mid summer as Brody has proclaimed that all the Brazil results will be dropped with the back half of the draw mid season.

bon jour and stay tuned for more incredible DAve Mailman news and reports.

14 04 2010
WHAT???

That was not an update. Where has Mailman been surfin? Is he on the couch or in the bed? How iss poor Mailman keeping up with everything considering he is selling his house and moving to a castle? What about his mother in law ? Will they ever get along??

These questions can’t wait.

I just got an email from Facebook. My other friend DAve (thought it was mailman) just took a shit.

Also rumor has it that Shea Lopez is eating Chicken and yellow rice tonight for dinner. Lobster gets boring dont you know.

14 04 2010
Goethe

Dante=plagiarist
Dante≠Werther

14 04 2010
pLEASE gOETHE

and start a blog under the premise of “soul” while actually being a free advertising avenue for every rip, bong, Mailman, Ergophobic and snickers corporation that comes along.

14 04 2010
Obama

People have no idea how hard it is being “The Man” and convincing others “your the people” at the same time.

I deserve a Nobel Prize.

14 04 2010
Obama

And support the united half breed college fund. Because a half black mind is a terrible thing to waste.

14 04 2010
trauzersnake

@Mike-

what about the CI ‘Big Willy’? M4 kind of sounds like a go…..I’m not THAT big….If you don’t count me package that is…..but, uh, yeah.

14 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Well, now that this blog has seized uponst itself, I have a confession to make:

I am Nug.

And Lewis Samuels.

And PeterPerfect (but only on weekends and alternating business casual Fridays).

I once was Perkus Tooth, but I got tired of trying tirelessly to teach nitwits the difference between they’re, their and there.

I am the finger that Dave Mailman furtively inserts into his fiancé’s derriere every evening that she allows me to climb into her bed.

I am Chas Smith’s dignity.

I once expelled my pee pee yogurt all over a Bagel before feeding it to a slithering trauzer snake… the most poisonous reptile known to man.

And last, but certainly not least, I actually stuck my wee wee in the brushed aluminum finish toaster that is perched adjacent to the cutlery on Chris Coté’s kitchen shelf.

14 04 2010
Enoch Ward

P.s.

I am the word “tired” and “tirelessly”… along with “tire.”

And the word “Periwinkle-Hambone.”

Thank you.

14 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Wow, I leave for a few days to learn I’ve made quite an impression.
My 22:02:00 comment about Dante doing something else “…instead of re-writing Goethe’s “Sorrows of Young Dante” has been the foundation for aliases and such.
Please send all royalties to “1980s Hot Tuna Surfer Foundation”, C/O please submit another post, Nug.

14 04 2010
The sorrows of young Dante

Bobby Bane you where an inspiration to me. This is still orginal Dante.

@ Enoch Ward. You sir must have a lot of time on your hands.

14 04 2010
Enoch Ward

The Nug is currently hibernating with Yogi Bear on a bed forged from hemp, recycled Dane Reynold’s easels, and two hundred pounds worth of Alana Blanchard’s soiled bikini wax strips.

14 04 2010
mark

I miss Nug.

14 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Or, perhaps The Nug was just kidnapped as he was strolling down Main Street in Huntington Beach by a burnt umber flecked, steroid fueled mush-brain sporting Nazi insignia’s in freshly laid ink up and down his forearms, a pit bull named Junior, an F-350 jacked up on 72” tires and Affliction stickers plastered to the windows, who’s flanked by a bleached-blonde, trucker hat wearing ex-stripper with fake cans, fake tan, gum-smacking, sailor-mouthed butterface… even with the 10 lbs of cheap foundation caked to her leathery mug.

But don’t worry folks, The Nug will barely feel the preening future Wal-Mart greeter’s 2-1/4” cock as it shamefully jackhammer’s our favorite blogger’s bound and broken butthole later that evening in the basement of some stodgy dive near Beach Boulevard and the 405.

Good luck, boss. Baby wipes, Vaseline, a pack of ice and a day in bed… and you’ll be back into game shape in no time.

Looking forward to the next post.

14 04 2010
Lantern's Father

Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair.

14 04 2010
Voice of reality

Wow, Enoch Ward comes home to cannon fire!

Where’s the deviant savant been?

“I am Chas Smiths dignity”.
“I once expelled my pee pee yogurt all over bagel”
“pee pee and Cote’s kitchen ecoutrement”
“I smell Dave Mailman’s fetish”

Then he goes all “Dante” on his next comment.

Lord of the Flies meeting critical mass, the end of a blog. Now it’s time for the vultures (Mailman, Bagle and “mark”) to ride out this torched wreckage while it’s “author” finds himself. It’s about zombie maintainence at this point and who better than no one.

14 04 2010
Lantern's Father

this blog is a train wreck, im gunna hit it like a red headed step child.

15 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

/Users/Desktop/YouTube – It Rubs The Lotion On It’s Skin.webarchive

15 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

i thought of this song after i read the previous 2 dozen or so comments and i just want it all to stop. now. too bad i suck at copy and pasting ( among other things ) ….

15 04 2010
Dingh L. Berry

Where is these Noog? Every time I come to visit noogably.com-the same post. The same son of a dick dante….be glad you are not back in india deep-ass in mosquito larve in rice paddy son of a dick motherfucker. you are lucky one to get the protitutes-the only ones i see are the ones outside my store…..they will give crab a nd the crap motherfucker. The only internet i have now is the bus bang. Please make new post mister noogably, please, thank you.

16 04 2010
Randomrandomness

Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

16 04 2010
Brut Manbirth

Dear Nug,

Like fine wine, the predicted order of finish at the Rip Curl Bells contest ages better with each read. It seems like only yesterday that I read those hallowed words, “Taj over Bede.”

In fact, I am going to scroll up to the top of the page just to dip into that well of genious one more time.

Your posts over the last week have been amazing, good sir. Excellent work.

Talk to you soon,

Brut Manbirth, XVI

16 04 2010
Voice of reality

@Randomrandomness….. I think the word you are searching for is “overwhelming”. Everything looks good and you still have to save enough for beer.

If you were me and had more smoke, the beer would probably qualify as dinner. Then you could spend an evening commenting on Post Surf…. errrrr Nugable.

All abandoned blogs look the same to me.

16 04 2010
mark

Bad news.

Nug’s cousin Clay “ebony nuggets” Nug perished in the West Virginia mining disaster last week.

Until the vigils are pau we are stuck with this post boys.

16 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Feeling….

…so….

…very….

stale.

16 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Question: How can Greg Long’s upside-down-stuck-in-the-lip-in-a-50-foot-barrel wipeout not even get nominated in the XXL contest?

As it is, I have to go with Ryan Hipwood. Total annihilation.

16 04 2010
Elwood

Nug,

If you need any help with another post I got some nice new nugs that are green with little purple specks in them.

16 04 2010
mark

@Bagel

How can Joao whats his names backside launch into infamy at Mavs in November not be a contender?

That was a pure moment of mansized unbridaled passionate CHARGING.

16 04 2010
CaliGirl

Mansized passion?

That’s right up my alley!

16 04 2010
Mike

Hey Elwood, do a brother a solid and trade some purple for some orange.

I’m tired of the same flavor for breakfast….. Ok, lunch too.

No, not you Bagel, you’ve been stale for a long time.

16 04 2010
Cali Girls Wet Pussy

“God I hope she forgets to wear panties when we meet Mark later”

16 04 2010
Chas Smiths Conscience

“Maybe I should own up and meet Mark? Didn’t he say he was a big guy?”

16 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Mike,

I hope you choke on a McMuffin.

Love,

Bagel

16 04 2010
DAve Mailman's Facebook page editor

Hey all!

Just wanted to update everyone on the news and snooze of Dave Mailman’s life! Davo is charging his wedding which is helping him forget his “result” last week and the sky is always sunny! With an Argentine Puma in his grasp, our protaganist chases his prey.

I know Dave would want you all to know that you should all trust the ASP braintrust and support our parent companies. Your patronage ensures the continuing process of the WCT dynamics to the tour you deserve…. a ” Dream Tour”. Stay tuned for updates for Jbay!

We’d love if you all would sign up as friends of Dave, so check your Facebook page today and NETWORK!!!! All the cool surf guys do, so become a bro ho today!!!!!!

Thank you and we promise more Dave Mailman news and snooze soon. Cheers.

16 04 2010
Aunt Jemima

Such hostility from a Bagel, leave Mike alone. Such a brutal piece of dough, no nutrional value but a ton of empty calories. Now my instant buckwheats suit a man of Mike’s sophisticated palette.

16 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Oh fine, pour it on, Jemima! My calories are pure power, unlike your sticky sweet seductive glorified tree sap.

But I really do like waffles. With rich melty butter, and….and….lots of…

Dammit!

16 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Okay.

Time to quit your foolish whining tongues and face reality. The Nug is merely on hiatus. And by ‘hiatus,’ I mean he’s currently holed up in a locally-operated motel room in Henderson, Nevada – nude; with a mouthful of an elderly prostitute’s pubic hair, fists full o’ hillbilly heroin, and a fanny-pack brimming with discarded Skoal sputum shrouding his partially erect Lit’l Smokie. However…

Do not worry. Do not despair. Times will change.

Once the women are done fucking the polar bear, he will return to us. That, I am sure of.

If he doesn’t, I will eat Perkus Tooth’s regurgitated AI shit sandwich.

16 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Sonuvabitch!

I just realized who ‘Mark’ really is.

Mike, I fear the time hath cometh to start your own blog. Really.

17 04 2010
Clay Marzo's Dealer

Free advertising is GOOD advertising!

“The final conspiracy to shroud Clay’s eccentricity was his penchant for a puff on a doobie. That too is debunked by Solotaroff, who, while citing it as a regular indulgence, says it more has the effect of “bracing his moods, which can reel on a dime, and allays the jitters that overtake him when he heads out into the world,” than exacerbating the condition. Though admittedly, he’s no doctor. In any case, as you’ll see, Clay’s odd behaviour began long before he met Mary Jane.”

20$ G

17 04 2010
Elwood

Hey remember back a while ago the lantern predicted that slater would win bells. Maybe that lantern is not as dumb as everyone makes out he is.

You’ve got my vote lantern.

17 04 2010
Elwood

I fell honored to be in the club where others feel the urge to use me as an alias…. guess I’m moving up into the big leagues now.

17 04 2010
Mike

Sometimes you wake up to what you wrote the previous drunken evening and you just start laughing all over again…. sober.

And I agree with Enoch, Mark should start his own blog.

Marzo sure built in an excuse to stay off the tour, didn’t he? Tortured and lonely, with only his green smoke as an equalizer, young Clay avoids risk, travel and ratings while cashing the Quik checks none the less.

Somewhere, Dane is kicking himself for not figuring out that profile first.

17 04 2010
Voice of reality

Lets get this straight….

Clay Marzo is a Quiksilver Young Gun, poster boy. Rolling Stone documents his open Marijuana usage and instantly, Quik gains not only street cred, but announces it’s “Pro Drugs” ideology. Pretty edgy for Bob “Waterman of the Year” Mc knight.

Meanwhile, across town in the Volcom offices, the “braintrust” meets to discuss this apparent shot to their bow. How can they let Quik assume the drug friendly merchandising campaign when Volcom has nutured the impression of being the rebel brand? A call comes in from corporate interrupting the meeting.

Richard Woolcott:” Oh, Yes sirs, we’re working on that as you speak”.

Troy Eckert:” Wooly, who was that?”

Woolcott: “Chase Manhattan and Citicorp CEO’s…. they want to know what we have planned to re establish our rebel brand status, their investors are quite urgent”

Doug Collier: ” Listen, we need an immediate response, my emails blowing up with angry shareholders over the fact that we alluded to drug usage all these years, but allowed Mc Knight to claim it”

Eckert: ” Don’t worry boys, we still have the shots of Bruce slobering over that pile of powder on the mirror with the loaded handgun on the table next to some soiled panties and a half gallon of bourbon, we’re good to go.”

Collier: “Why do I have to do all the thinking around here? Fuck Troy, do you know if either Citi Corp or Chase own Jack Daniels or Colt firearms??? It’s all about cross marketing dudes and our investors would be furious if you screw this up.”

Eckert: “It’s cool Dougie, calm down…. we’ll figure out which brand of hard alcohol and firearms they do own and photoshop the logos in… piece of cake”.

Follow the leader to the bottom of the lowest social common denomination where our surf corps find the last available revenue stream.

17 04 2010
Rebel Starter Kit

@Volcum,

Bring back the San Clemente Gangsta’s from the Gotcha MCD Days. Time time to recycle that era. That should get us back on top with street cred. from all the suburban punks.

17 04 2010
Rejoice!

Sir Dion is moving to NYC, perhaps Williamsburg. The hipsters won’t be pleased.

17 04 2010
Sorrows of young Dante

@mike
Dane is not the only one who likes to kick himself. Dante has tried it to and found it much to his likings.

wink wink

17 04 2010
Sorrows of young Dante

@Rejoice

If i lived in New York I would place myself on the train tracks upon hearing that human train wreck dion (hunchback) eccy-spine was moving to town.

17 04 2010
smyrnajeff

I hear Nug went on a mad bender in Amsterdam with some bro’s from Froggies and now they are stuck there because of the Iceland volcanic ash problem.

I say just fuckin party on Nug and keep chargin it while you can. Someday you will be like Mark all stressed out workin 60 hours a week just to keep food on your families table.

Live fast and run hard. There will be plenty of time for a new post when you get back.

17 04 2010
Reevis Taylor

Danteeee! wat up bitch! I like yo name boy. I had a cousin and a brother named dante. Except one got murdered in the streets….and the other one’s incarcerated, all due to the structural poverty and disadvantagment BUILT IN BY THE MAN!!!! MOTHAFUCKA!!!! At least your bitch-ass knows where the ho’s is-if you in new york, i got a cousin in harlem….i could hook your ass up, BIYATCH!!!!

17 04 2010
A note from our sponsor

Nug will be back soon, please enjoy the muzak and have a nice day…

18 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Voice of Reality delivers a stinging blow to the peddler’s of pre-fab radicalism with a bitch-slap to the hedonistic behemoth of the purveyors of materialistic pornography in one concise scene.

In one fell swope, Mike delivers the: Lights. Camera. Fuck You!!

Dayum, nizzle!

18 04 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is deader than Todd Chesser thrusting his stringer into the Death Valley betwixt Bea Arthur’s legs.

18 04 2010
Enoch Ward

And to think, it was just four score and fifteen days ago that Nug posted a scintillating article on JOB and his efforts to reinstate himself as the most retarded… I mean most hated man in surfing.

Good luck JOB.

Count you precious shekels wisely. Following Stab to an ignominious grave is not as glamorous as it may seem.

18 04 2010
Enoch Ward

And to think, it was just four score and fifteen days ago that Nug posted a scintillating article on JOB and his efforts to reinstate himself as the most retarded… I mean most hated man in surfing.

Good luck JOB.

Count your precious shekels wisely. Following Stab to an ignominious grave is not as glamorous as it may seem.

18 04 2010
Marks dog Eddie

bark bark, wish MY dad was as cool as MIke, bark bark…

18 04 2010
Enoch Ward

And by ‘count your precious shekels…’

I obviously meant, twice.

You know… for affect’s sake.

18 04 2010
Voiced of Reality

So Enoch, you’re with us again…. that trip over to Blasphemy’s has left you rather quiet lately. Yeah, we’re just banging around in Nugs basement waiting for his mom to let him play. Some weird new kid has been desperate for attention and the old breakfast routine is staler than even the bagel. Tsnake is buying Marks paddless SUP and Elwood is negotiating the deal behind the water heater but Mark won’t allow anyone else to talk. Mailman has gone missing since his bucks night out and his Facebook editor is searching the spanish social networks for him. Peter Perfect is busy with Chas in the “locked” closet and I’m running out of weed.

In other words…. critical mass.

18 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Voice(d) of Reality

I have been bogged down with monsters, ghouls, and things that make you go hmmmmaaahhhhhhhrrrgghh!! Such is life.

And death.

Indeed, we may be circling the drain of Nugable – but I’ve lived my entire life in this plumed trap and the endearing thing about this position is that it’s easier to slip back into the abysmal sludge of anonymity until the next opportunity presents itself.

Bidesing our timeses.

19 04 2010
Peter Perfect

So who is going to do a blog where the surfing misfits can shoot the shit now that Nugable is like bitchin’?

19 04 2010
stego

Is this like a “lepts get to 400 comments” type of thing? Like “breaking a record” or something… like fandroid busting airs or Kelly on milk crates? I mean… .. ahh.. FUCK! It sucks to have a small brain…

19 04 2010
Sorrows of young Dante

How would yall feel about a sorrows of young dante blog for emo surfers?

I’m not impressed with you nug.Where’s the new article at?

19 04 2010
Randomrandomness

Marks Mom (just wanted to be the first and last post in this here entry to nugable, word on the streets of SHB is that we should have some new material shortly)

3 07 2010
maynccabhib

Did I recognize my erection at those gorgeous disgrace lips? Did you? Does it matter? As I push gently up contents you
nothing matters, simply being there! I study your fetching turn of phrase as you unlatched your bragging in mute frenzy
hint all things I am doing to you. I read a hold of your hips and propel up..harder now. Your eyes rather commence to
cloud closed and the moans gain ground volume. I disregard your breasts as you age designing withershins providing me with
total access to your wholly construct nipples. It is like making amity to a furnace I am in manage as I be required to be
and between the kisses you so darmowe sex filmiki desperately try I whisper words of a style that offers no grammatical
flawlessness, no get even for or erroneous phraseography, solely an open-ended dialog of aroused communicative
bliss. With your knees as roomy as you can comfortably spread them, I am afforded such penetrable latitude
that already I pet the onrush of widespread seminal marshalling deep down between my own legs. Your fitness
has deteriorated. If this continues you may spectacularly be on dash shore up pre-orgasm! I wipe my own clothes and
none too confidently at that. It is unpretentiously the unfamiliarity not fix that impedes my actions.
Divested of your skirt you are equally bare and both physically and mentally prepped on account of what is to follow.
I am that time kneeling there between your legs when I realise you have gently enchanted a clutch of my erection and
set today are lovingly caressing it along its length. Distracted to the point of frantic need, I carry out to
stave slow my indiscriminately motivated procreational urges, preferring as opposed to to fire you suffer the indignity of having
to require the from the word go move.

4 07 2010
maynccabhib

Did I place my erection at those exquisite mark down lips? Did you? Does it matter? As I stimulate gently up inside of you
nothing matters, totally being there! I study your fetching expression as you communicate your way out in mute ecstasy
hint the aggregate I am doing to you. I read a assemble of your hips and propel up..harder now. Your eyes on to
cloud upwards and the moans garner volume. I brush your breasts as you age first backward providing me with
total access to your wholly set up nipples. It is like making passion to a furnace I am in manage as I be required to be
and between the kisses you so darmowe sex filmiki desperately seek I gossip words of a language that offers no grammatical
summit, no get even for or incorrect phraseography, only an open-ended dialog of aroused communicative
bliss. With your knees as wide as you can comfortably spread them, I am afforded such penetrable latitude
that already I pet the debut of prevalent original marshalling serious down between my own legs. Your fitness
has deteriorated. If this continues you may well be on life support pre-orgasm! I purge my own clothes and
no person too confidently at that. It is unpretentiously the unfamiliarity not clumsiness that impedes my actions.
Divested of your skirt you are equally naked and both physically and mentally prepped on account of what is to follow.
I am still kneeling there between your legs when I realise you beget gently infatuated a confine of my erection and
even today are lovingly caressing it along its length. Distracted to the nucleus of frantic distress, I carry out to
stave insane my indiscriminately motivated procreational urges, preferring instead to slack off on you suffer the scorn of having
to urge the anything else move.

30 07 2011
NebyNevy

диета с луковым супом по бройсупохудеть по методу от диетолога маргариты королевойсамые знаиенитые и недорогие диетыдиета после осложненного аппендицитапохудение без запретаправилы оказания услуг общественного питаниялишний веспричины рофилактикадиета волочковойкосметика лерак отзывы похудениемарьино медицинский центр похудениесушеная морская капуста при диетахэликсиркак похудеть на 30 килограммкак похудеть с массажерапослеоперационная диета после холецистэктомиикак похудеть при диабетекто похудел срочно совет и фотодиета для мопсаотвар из овса для похудениягречневая диета для мужчинвлияние кариеса на лишний вес

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