A Quick Chat With Kelly Slater

22 04 2010

The nine-time ASP World Champion celebrates after winning the Rip Curl Pro. Photo: ASP/Cestari

There has been a lot of hype this year about the rookies and perhaps deservedly so. It’s a pretty strong class. But Taj and you are 1 and 2 in the ratings after two events. Does it motivate you to beat the younger guys?
It motivates me to surf well and keep progressing. It’s not personal. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings in the process. I used to like that secretly.

Conversely, I imagine some of the younger guys are really motivated to do well when they surf against you. During your first few seasons on tour who motivated you?
For sure. I nearly beat Pottz and BL (Barton Lynch) when I was just about to turn pro and that fired me up. Then I eventually got both of them and that was good confidence building.

With the revised judging guys are routinely getting 7’s, 8’s and 9’s for one maneuver. How much does that change your approach in heats?
Not sure yet. I think the judging is finding itself. Just as you can’t give a ten for the best ever carve, you can’t do it for airs guys pull every heat. It needs to focus on combos and variety, and the quality of each individual maneuver within that. That’s where I think we should steer it.

Do you think Christian Fletcher and John Holeman are screaming “fucking finally” somewhere while watching these events?
They should be but inversely (I had to use it cause you used conversely) Gerry Lopez and Rob Machado might feeling ill at some styles and claims they see going down. 

What event would you like to see come back, or is there a spot that hasn’t had a WT event that should be a part of the Dream Tour?
GLand and more rotating mobile event licenses.

I think Bob McKnight should just hand over the keys to Quiksilver if you win title number 10. Thoughts?
The actual office? No thanks.

Since your given name is Robert Kelly have you ever thought about going by just R. Kelly? Or would that be too weird?
Maybe in the summer when I get really dark. It would probably be fun for a few days, but then just way too creepy.

I saw a video on Surfline where you were experimenting with shaving the deck to make it a concave…like a skateboard. It surprises me that someone hasn’t done something like that before. Maybe someone has. How are those boards working out?
They’re good. Don’t tell anyone. Try tend to flex too much though.

I have seen you touch on this subject before but I think the ASP is doing a disservice to fans by continually allowing events sponsors to run the webcasts of events. To me it seems so transparent and amateurish. The PGA, for instance, doesn’t allow Titleist that kind of control. But it most likely comes down to money. There is no revenue stream. Events don’t charge admission. And there is no across the board TV deal like we see in most major sports. Is it even possible as it stands now for the ASP to run webcasting/broadcasting from a financial standpoint?
No. We cater to surf fans mostly and maybe that’s all our industry wants. There are a lot of things on the ground level that need changing for that option to happen. Someone would need to figure out that revenue stream for the governing body. 

I think people are really enjoying the Occy and Curren Clash of the Icons thing. Do you think 10 or so years from now we’ll see Kelly vs. Andy?
At Pipe? I hope so.

There doesn’t seem to be any true rivalries on tour anymore. Do you think that is a true statement?
Yes. Maybe Jordy and Dane. They’re very different and polarize each other, but surf towards the same place on a wave. Dane’s the anti Jordy and vice versa.

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426 responses

22 04 2010
josh

R. Kelly… hahaha!
Hope your foot gets better Kelly, it’d be nice to see you win 10.

Dane vs. Jordy relationship is too cordial. Surfing needs a Kenny Fucking Powers to set things straight. Seems to be too much friendliness on tour.

On Dane: He needs to quit his “I don’t care act.” It really turns me off of him and makes him look like a kook. Not to mention the entire act is starting to seem contrived. I’d ask him to please keep it real. Take a page outta freddy p’s book for keeping it real. Although saying testicles isn’t as real as saying balls. He almost sounded like a doctor.

22 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Nug,

Did you get to touch Him during the interview? If so, can you now heal cancer patients with your pee?

22 04 2010
The Nug

Oh I get it. That’s an R. Kelly joke, right?

22 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Also, the other question I would have asked him is: Can I smell your finger?

22 04 2010
fanatsy surfer

“Kelly: I love to witness the soap opera that is his life. Last I heard he was running daily on his broken foot to make sure it wasn’t properly healed for Brazil. What fun would winning be if there wasn’t extra challenges involved or a built-in excuse if a loss occurs. ”

shea’s fantasy surf picks for brasil

22 04 2010
cmr

win and 10

22 04 2010
SmyrnaJeff

Florida rules!

22 04 2010
Randomrandomness

Nugable.com has officially peaked

22 04 2010
m

I want a gudauskas bros interview

22 04 2010
Road Sodas

Slater is consistently calm and cordial. The man is a true ambassador for the sport. It’s easy to hate on Kelly, but he makes it even easier to root for him. I’d like to see 10.

22 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I heard Kelly Slater shaves his head with a bowie knife and cleans up with a belt sander and 24 grit sand paper.

22 04 2010
22 04 2010
obama

Should of asked him how he feels about my push for oil drilling on the East Coast.

I mean I am over the moon that there is an oil spill in the gulf and can only wish everything could be black like half of me.

22 04 2010
obama

More good news!!!

The usually flat Gulf has a system moving through this weekend. It will easily spread any oil that spills along the entire emerald coast a few weeks before tourist season begins.

Should be great for the economy!!! I think I will celebrate with a ciggy.

22 04 2010
ed

a good tool for this fucking sites that don’t show the local time

http://24timezones.com/map.htm

22 04 2010
Dirty South

Though Slater doesn’t claim Florida as home any more, he will always be from the Dirty South. The Goods need to step it up quick or there going to be doing the QS or whatever there calling it now.

@ Obama… man we better not start drilling on the East and West coast. We’re fucked if we do. We need to get off the crude, today. Hate to say it but I’d rather have one rig blow up today than have oil rigs everywhere tomorrow. Might be a blessing in disguise. Maybe someone blew it up?

23 04 2010
Peter Perfect

“Gerry Lopez and Rob Machado might feeling ill at some styles and claims they see going down.”
Targeted at a certain Brazilian, perhaps?

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Pietros,

“Targeted at a certain Brazilian, perhaps?”

No. You forgot to pluralize.

23 04 2010
Dub

Nug – Did you pull the 49th St. card to get that interview? Good stuff.

23 04 2010
Cry myself a river

Money is simply amazing. It amazes me how well BP is covering up their spill.

“….hundreds of thousands of barrels of crude could be potentially released, a worst case that no executive wished to speculate about publicly.” NY TIMES

23 04 2010
Sorrows of young Dante

Hi guys.
Hope you all missed me.
I slit my wrists a few days ago and i went a little deep. I ended up on hospital for a few days.
I was getting extra emo after charging up the batteries on dawsons creek and days of our lives soapies.
enya playing in the background while i was cutting myself really pushed myself over the edge.
daddy why don’t you love me?
well it’s hard to type now. i don’t have full mobility of my hands yet.
i won’t be around to often over the next few months.
feelin a little sad right now and i really appreciate the loving compassion from you guys here at the nug.
You guys are like family to me.

one love

dante

P/s a big hug for enoch. He’s just adorable.

23 04 2010
Global cooling

Let’s stop drilling for oil. Sounds good. No more driving or flying, or surfboards for that matter. We’ll show those evil oil companies.

23 04 2010
NOT EVEN

KElly can save this blog………

23 04 2010
Demon

Nice get Nug. Wondering if Sl8r vs. Brodie in a steel cage match would make a strong PPV event?

23 04 2010
Shea0

Slater definitely gets a kick out of hurting feelings in a heat. Only opportunity he has to be ruthless is in a heat…I imagine in bed with Barb Wire must’ve been a good outlet back in the day as well.
I liked K9’s take on the judging very much. Every move in surfing has the opportunity to score high if performed correctly, not just airs and tail blows. When speed, commitment, STYLE, and precision come together it shouldn’t matter what the moves were, as long as it wasn’t the same one over and over.

23 04 2010
Mike

Shea is onto the goods, in the day the whole ride mattered too much, now too little and one air that requires a frantic recovery deserves no giant scores.

Like a guitar solo that has no continuity to the song, just showing off.

Nug….. we used to shape foot wells into our decks (80’s). Then we would squeegee the hot coat over those areas creating a textured deck. Boards worked unreal with max flex, but you’d go through one in about a month. Once the elasticity (foam muscle memory) finally gave in, the board went dead and would snap on any landing. The first few surfs were magic though…probably good for one contest.

Funny how the retro stuff that worked gets overlooked and the stuff that didn’t becomes popular.

Solar is the answer GC…. but your Big Oil corpo’s won’t switch to the best ideas until their revenue stream exhausts itself. From an engineering standpoint, pretty mortifying that we’re still dependent on such neanderthal propulsion ( internal combustion engine) while the computer undergoes a quantum leap every 3 years.

By switching away from Oil dependency, we could do in one act what an entire “war on terrorism” will fail trying…. reduce the middle east to subsistance farming and little else. A sad vignette of humanity and the cruel tool of Money. Glad to see Global Cooling is still obtuse though.

Glad to have ya back Nug.

23 04 2010
Global cooling

Great Mike, So when should we expect to see your new “propulsion device” that will replace the internal combustion engine?

And Solar…your kidding right? The whole earth would have to be covered with solar panels and windmills to even slightly replace the energy output of current energy sources (petroleum, coal, hydro, nuclear).

Like most libs, you’re a hypocrite; you enjoy the benefits (surfboards, cars, central heat, A/C…pretty much everything) of non green energy sources and materials at the same time you deride what makes them possible.

I say this seriously: you need to ride an Alaia, live in a hut, grow your own food, and walk as your means of transportation. When that happens, you’ll be worth listening to. Word up

23 04 2010
trauzersnake

…..Global cooling does sort of make a valid point there.

23 04 2010
Mike

Global is invested in archaic technologies or else the solution knock him over with it’s simplicity.

The only thing all life universally shares is Light (sun). Every food is essentially converted sunlight. Petroleum only exists because big Money is addicted to selling us a dirty, inefficient resource.

As Global Cooling understands too well, the amount of parched earth is growing and collection of the energy that leaves those areas barren is a future resource field. Big Oil will be the first to make the conversion to “energy cultivation”, but won’t do so until the current reserves is exhumed and burned primitively.

As for myself, I love travel and am as guilty as anyone for taking frivolous flights to better surf. I also go through an amazing amount of surfboards and my business is nearly dependent on international shipping. That doesn’t mean ASPIRING to better lifestyles should be condescended upon…. Trauzer.

Anyone who has read me knows that there are no Alaia’s in my garage. Growing my own food seems stupid considering I am surrounded by organic Farms and I WALK to Rincon. Fuck off office boy (GC).

Word…. whatever that means.

23 04 2010
The Death of Critical Thinking

@Global Cooling…

“And Solar…your kidding right? The whole earth would have to be covered with solar panels and windmills to even slightly replace the energy output of current energy sources (petroleum, coal, hydro, nuclear)”

Nice tactic GC, just make shit up and cite it as fact. Where did you get that one? Trauzersnake might buy it, but he is just another dick (no offense Trauz, but if you have a brain you are obligated to use it).

Also, the “if you are an environmentalist, you have to give up on technology” argument is reductionist horseshit. Mike is arguing for improving existing clean tech and creating lower impact alternatives. That doesn’t mean he has to become a goddamned caveman.

People who want to clean up our output and protect resources are not automatcially “libs” (whatever the fuck that even means). They are everywhere, at all levels of society. What separates them from you is their unwillingness to have their thinking done for them by the likes of Rupert Murdoch.

23 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Enoch was once in a band called Reductionist Horseshit. They opened for the Goddamned Cavemen on the Central Valley Tour in 98.

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

It’s good to see Mike and Mark back in the swing of things; battling each other like two horn-less battering rams in a piss filled pool of political dead ends. Clifton Evers posted an interesting clip on ‘Harnessing the Severn’ at Kurjikikstanbaa.com (Nug has a link to however you spell that ridiculous shit on the right hand side of his page).

It’s an interesting circle we weave, to say the least.

And by ‘we’, I mean you all. I have nothing whatsoever to do with the political bullcockfoonery that exists in this wretched world. I prefer to remain a ghost that floats to its own gaseous emissions. Laird knows I don’t need the tycoons of petrol to feel my combustious asstious.

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Jamon Bagel toasts his buns over an oven fueled with the severed and broken bones of discarded Chinese mongolian female fetuses.

And that’s just the beginning…

23 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

That was definitely a gaseous emission, EW.

23 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

and also, EW, is it just me or are you getting much more disturbingly morbid these days?

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Jamon,

I credit that fact to the Snuff Channel.

Which is the only channel Time Warner will deliver to the mortuary where I live.

Like Mike, I too blame Rupert Murdoch.

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

And where is Perkus Tooth? Isn’t his union contract as a gay porn fluffer about up?

??

23 04 2010
Mike

Thank you death of critical thinking, well written and spot on.

Global Cooling may make his money off everyone’s best interest… kinda like the surf industry. Instead of making the right decision, he makes the right decision for his investors bottom line. Take away anonymous investing and their corporate “beard” and we’d lose a lot of compromised fucks “speculating” on someone else’s risk. Socialism for Money, capitalism for those mowed over by Money. You know, Greed Inc.

It’s not just you Jammy. Enoch has been “in character” for his new script about a young, socially awkward boy who mutilates himself after masterbating over an interns delivery of yet another latte.

“What separates them from you is their unwillingness to have someone think for them” Pulitzer material, bravo.

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

So… you’re NOT supposed to cry after every masterbatory session???

Damn.

To think that I’ve been doing it wrong all this time…

23 04 2010
ed

as Mike said, it’s all a matter of time

it will take care of all the issues

word

as for us, best thing I think is to live the present already in the future

23 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

@EW and Mike,

Masturbatory.

The word is mastUrbatory.

Never leave the U out of masturbation.

23 04 2010
Mike

Wow, breakfast lectures one writer and one wanna be on spelling…. and then definition. ouch.

Well Jamon, it’s called Ham fucker.

As for Enoch, I too cry because after two marriages the only sex I get is MASTURBAtion. Unless my wife gifts me the premise of love. It feels dirty, but not good dirty, just dirty. And they wonder why men cheat…..

Hey where’s global cooling? Oh right, he’s worshipping Glenn Beck or Cramer right about now. Turn your mind off Cooling, they have your talking points and it technically is the weekend.

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Glen Beck excretes marmot droppings from his nipples every time he says the word “socialist”.

He doesn’t know why. He’s just thankful they jump off the same cliff as the Republican Party every time.

23 04 2010
mark

poundin a beer and watchin ala mo and v-land live on 2 seperate monitors, both spots 4 foot plus and firing.

modern technology is awesome. and it’s makin me sadder than dante on homecoming night back in high school when even that one fat chick chose to stay home rather than be seen with emo boy.

23 04 2010
mark

@elwood and mike

that would be 4 foot hawaiian to you 2 fucking haoles.

23 04 2010
mark

@dante

if you want i will mapquest directions to the coronado bridge for you. it’s a beautiful evening for a swan dive head dip.

23 04 2010
Mike

Now that’s a gem Mark, a funny gem mounted on irony.

The torture of lost love…. you’ll be home soon Calibammy and technology is only fueling that decision. Must be tough though.

23 04 2010
smyrnajeff

mark is dante man.

i swear i can just fuckin FEEL IT!!!!

23 04 2010
Mike

Hey Marky…

Why do you mokes judge waves from the back? Because you’re always missing one?

All jokes aside, why?

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mark,

So, on the Hawaiian scale, your mother ONLY ways in just under 6 metric tons?

23 04 2010
Mike

And since you consider yourself an athletic intelligencia Mark, why would Denver trade UP for a project QB that they could have chosen two rounds lower? Hallelujah, Josh Mc Daniels, you’ll need it.

Ooopppsss, sorry Nug, yeah bro, that Kelly Slater interview ripped. The dude is so cool, you’d never know he was getting sadistic pleasure from fucking with people. Who else has Kelly given that insight too? Nug scoreboard.

23 04 2010
Mike

WAIT!!!! “You’d never know he was getting sadistic pleasure from fucking with people”.

Yeah, I know I wrote that, but it just occurred to me….

Enoch Rottmouth Ward is Kelly Slater.

(As the entire website gasps into a lowered head kneel, Enoch takes his throne with a wry smile and a small, lithe Japanese girl dressed only in a linen scarf)

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I am too hammered to spell correctly.

I concede the night.

Fucking whiskey.

23 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Fuck you Mike.

The 10th is within my… I mean His grasp.

Do NOT fuck this up.

23 04 2010
Dave Mailman's Facebook page editor

Hi Nugables,

Dave is doing fine and recovering from his first round loss last month. The wedding is going well and He’s never been happier. Stay tuned for more Dave News and we’ll be refreshing his Facebook page soon with all the details of wedding plans. It’s a good year to be Dave.

In Dave, I trust….

Dave Mailmans Facebook Page Editor

23 04 2010
Chas Smiths Conscience

” I wonder if this Dave Mailmans Facebook Page Editor has room for any more clients or if he dresses well. Loyalty and perpetual promotion always look good in a tweed cardigan and a filterless cigarette. Almost bare back. Anyway, maybe this editor can revive LikeBitchin so that Jed can go fuck himself and I can spend more time not surfing.”

23 04 2010
Pot Roast

All this talk about breakfast when everyone would rather be surfing than eating while the wind is calm.

I’d say, Breakfast is the meal we all hope to miss.

Beef, it’s whats for dinner. We’ll pull another chair up, you all.

The Coalition to end Breakfast.com

23 04 2010
Inquiring minds

@Enoch…. if everyone thinks that Global Cooling is Mark, who is that more insulting to?

Hey Global…. does your paddle get in the way of getting tubed? Oh, right, you’re not into hollow waves, ok. Pretty nice not to have to duck dive, eh?

I’m not sure about Pot Roast. Yeah warm and savory, but hidden in gravy. Kinda like Republicanism. A cake that is all icing.

24 04 2010
Bone an Raized

The hypocritical green surfer. Thats me. Full on organic garden, brings my own bags to the store, recycle, solar powers my house. Is it hypocritical to speak up, when an effort is made to reduce ones footprint?
Got to work on the alternatives.
Three of the four boards I’m takin to Indo are made from Biofoam w/ Super Sap(an epoxy made w/ 40% sustainable materials). Wanted to do natural fibers, they’re just not good enough, YET! I’m not patting myself on the back, just trying to keep working towards greener boards.
Does this offset the fuel burnt flying, driving/boating around?
FUCK NO!!!!!!!!
Surfed Rockies this morning, Bowls for sundown.
“Got fuel to burn-Got roads to drive”
Alternatives are out there. We are just so spoiled. Big, evil oil makes it so easy!
The environmental/human rights issues are to great to ignore.
To be pro-oil is to plant(or keep) ones head firmly up ones ass.

24 04 2010
Alan. from The Hang Over

Occy and Curren Clash is a piece of shit. Occy sucks.

24 04 2010
smyrnajeff

that occy curren shit is gettin staler than that bagel that was left in my glove box for 4 hours in the ponce parking lot a couple of days ago.

i wanna see john holeman v paul reineke!

24 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

Breaking News:

Greg Tomlinson (aka GT) to replace Simon le Bon as lead singer of Duran Duran.

London: Simon Le Bon, lead singer of legendary New Romanic band Duran Duran has stepped down as lead singer of the band that had so many young girls and boys shed their knickers in the 1980s during concerts of unbridled asexuality. One of the only bands of that heady era to still be recording, they expect to go back into the studio as soon as Tomlinson is finished with his ‘broadcasting’ commitments in Brazil.

The new front man of Duran Duran, Greg Tomlinson, known to pro surfing fans as ‘GT’ and to so many others as simply the distilled essence of a surfing industry ‘hipster-douchebag’, announced today that he had agreed to accept the role. “I could not think of a better synergy than melding my signature look of fingerless gloves and cheap leather jack with epaulettes with one of the most pretentious bands – and brands – ever. It’s a perfect fit”. Look out for Von Zipper “Girls on Film” sunglasses this summer!

Over the past few years Tomlinson has been making competitors of the Association of Surfing Professional’s (ASPs) ‘Dream Tour’ uncomfortable with his style of interviewing, pretending that he’s friends with the surfers and standing awkwardly close to them. Several surfers have made informal complaints about Tomlinson and World Champion Mick ‘white supremacist’ Fanning (Eds: Don’t you mean ‘white lightening’?, please clarify, thx) has been heard describing Tomlinson as ‘one of the gays’ and ‘that poo plumber’.

Former lead singer Simon Le Bon, fresh from attending the first day of the Billabong Pro Santa Catarina, a crucial stage of the ASPs ‘Dream Tour’, said that he’d been looking for a replacement singer for quite some time. “GT perfectly fits the ethos we have always strived to project – always leave then guessing if you’re straight or gay and emphasise style over substance”. The members of the other band’s members were said to be thrilled at the choice, according to a spokespuppet.

In a related story, all-round ‘Renaissance man of the hipster-douchebag look’, Alex Knost, was found hanged in California today, a half-finished Cosmopolitan cocktail in one hand and a tiny penis in the other (EDS: was it his own penis or someone else’s penis? Get back to me and correct this before you send out the press release, thx). Police say that there are no suspicious circumstances and the Coroners Office stated that the victim died of “natural selection”.

24 04 2010
Mike

Well, fake Charlie Smith… where do I start?

Brilliant.

24 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Fake Chas Smith

You had me at “… the victim died of ‘natural selection’ and “…unbridled asexuality.” And not necessarily in that order.

Bravo!

(my head hurts and the waves are small and soft… like A. Knost’s weiner. Can we just call him Anus for short?)

24 04 2010
Elwood

@Fake Chas…… could have consolidated it a bit but otherwise brilliant.

GT symbolizes everything that is completely amateurish, ghey, and retarded about the ASP….. bring back Todd Kline.

I have no fucking idea who is gonna win this contest… if I had to guess I’d say another Adriano v. Chris Davidson final…. think I’m gonna sit this contest out… specially since I’m in the mountains right now.

24 04 2010
Chuck Buckets

Fuck Todd Kline! Bring back Ryan Hackman!

27 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

F ’em both, we need PT in the commentators chair …

24 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

Adriano v. Chris Davidson? Nice weed u gots there in da mountains…

25 04 2010
mark

A.I. eliminated by Ben Dunn.

What does the future hold for the 3 time champ if he doesn’t make the mid season cut?

25 04 2010
Meatwad

think anyone from these last three round two heats makes the mid season cut?

Aside from Jadson I hope not.

25 04 2010
Meatwad

Oh shit i missed chunk in the last heat i hope chunk makes it as well the tour needs chunk!

25 04 2010
trauzersnake

I hate to say this: but A.I.=Drew Bledsoe.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I could only stomach half of Taj’s heat before giving up to do something more productive for the day. And I am pretty sure that still set the record for longest consecutive minutes logged on to this so-called webcast.

Trying to watch this contest was like watching a blind DJ attempting to tune in conversations on Tralfamadore using a 1920’s era shortwave radio while commentating in a language similar to Hasidic Gerbil Squeeks. I think I discerned a few “fierce competitor” droppings from Snip’s lethargic tongue.

Looking at the heat draw, the only thing of interest appears to be Slater vs. Gudauski.

Poor fuckin’ A.I. He’s like Patrick Ewing languishing on the Seattle Supersonics bench. A caricature of what was once a “fierce competitor.” Verily, I do believe I’m morphing into Mike Parson’s as I type.

25 04 2010
The Grundel

And by morphing into Snips, you mean your head is becoming very, very narrow, so that when you face people directly, they think you have disappeared.

(sorry Snips, you are actually a great dude and have bigger balls than all of us put together)

25 04 2010
trauzersnake

So the next contest is teaupoo…..in september or something???

25 04 2010
trauzersnake

@Mike-

I was just playing ‘devil’s advocate’ about Global Cooling’s comment. I’m all for a more environmentally friendly system, although I’m guilty of certain hypocracies. I was just looking for some knee-jerk reaction. Thanks, brutha!

25 04 2010
trauzersnake

I’m sorry, but A.I. actually looks more like Jeff George.

25 04 2010
Mike

You weren’t trying shit, Trauzer….. but you’re welcomed anyway. Glad you’re feeling better dude.

Too busy to watch the contest, miss anything?? I guess it’ll be a long wait before JBay, plenty of time to watch “replays” or not.

What the fuck happened to Dave? He should be apologizing for something right about now, shouldn’t he? I raise my glass to the Mailman…. wherever you’re hiding. Maybe the impending “bliss” has shaken the poor lad.

@ Enoch…. AI is done, but if you think that you’ve become Mike Parsons, you are just asleep at your desk. His small wave surfing is a narcolyptic aid…. like Mick Fanning only slower without all the rad hits…. taps I think they are called.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@The Grundel,

Snips head is so narrow he cuts women in half when he goes down on them.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips head is so narrow his eyes are actually on the BACK of his head.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips head is so narrow that Amish people can’t even see eye-to-eye with him.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips head is so narrow he wears a triangle for a bicycle helmet.

25 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Trauzer,

Yeeeeahhh, thats it…I was, uh, playing devils advocate…yeah, thats it! Devils advocate, see?

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips head is so narrow his forehead is sharper than a surgeon’s knife.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips head is so narrow that the wind whistles when he head bangs.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Jamon Bagel’s head is so narrow that he fucked up my zen.

Cheers pal!

25 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Man, I hate to pile on a guy who could well be the first to surf a 100-foot wave, but…

Snips head is so narrow you can use it to whittle.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips surfing in small waves is akin to Michael Jackson’s sleeping cocktail.

And cock tail.

So either way, we all lose.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips head is so narrow that Domino’s uses it for a pizza cutter.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips head is so narrow he was optioned for a cameo in the next Coneheads movie.

25 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

On second thought, maybe Snips head is simply so aerodynamic that it allows him to more effectively handle the tremendous upward wind shear generated by megasurf at offshore breaks.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips head is so narrow that when he duckdives, he actually gains speed as he’s about to breach.

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Snips is so aerodynamic that Ernie skull fucks him every evening while softly moaning, “Bert… give it to me… oh Bert… yeah baby… just like Chas Smith… yeah baby…”

25 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Okay the last one was a little over the edge. Even those liberal, super gnarly, ultra-hip anarchists at Stab would have deleted it.

Wait.

25 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

(edges toward door, does not break eye contact, quietly slips out, runs to cab)

26 04 2010
Posted at Stab at 12:15pm PSD

“Man, what a great article. Way to hit it out of the park. Don’t even have to use that darn censor button. Very good. Excellence. Will you delete this tomorrow or the day after? It was super good. Much wonderful content. Glad you keep it edgy. Really really loved it. No one else does articles like this. Amazing. Jed’s ball is amazing with small portions of salt. Perhaps the best article ever written. Among surfers, this reigns supreme. Wonderful.

I am subscribing to many of your magazines, and love these articles whole heartedly many times over magnanamously forever and ever amen.

Your mother’s illigitimate stool sample.”

Heh heh.

Sorry. I was bored.

For some reason, I was moved by the spirits. Such an easy target these days. Feels like tickling a child molester who’s just trying to lay low until the whole ‘Megan’s Law’ thing blows over.

Sincerely,

The look on Parko’s face when he pulled that front side gaff.

26 04 2010
BP

Free Oil !!!!

Location Gulf of Mexico!!

Supplies may last up to a month.

26 04 2010
Coque

How can you be so ignorant???

Concave decks have been around for decades… George Greenough and Simons shaped concave decks on their boards and numerous shapers are still producing boards with concave decks, from fishes to HP modern surfboards…

What’s even more funny is that Kelly didn’t mention that.

Coque.

26 04 2010
Mike

Well, you finally got through the Stab censors Enoch, good job lobbing in the stool sample AND the always funny Meagan’s Law humor, but PLEASE Mr Ward, too soon for the Michael Jackson cynicism.

Let the poor fairy rest.

Can you imagine that “Predator catch” show filming Michael Jackson walking up to the door….
MJ….” Oh, sorry little girl, I assumed you were a boy, have a nice day”.
TV Host popping out from behind the curtain…. ” What’s in the bag, Michael?”
MJ…. ” Oh nothing, just some pharmaceuticals, the odd pair of handcuffs and a copy of Peter Pan”
TV Host…. ” And who is that?” Pointing to the tall, frail man standing just outside the door
MJ…. “Oh, it’s just my buddy Fake Chas hanging out, you know, taking notes”

26 04 2010
Global Coolant

What’s wrong with BP dumping some crude in the gulf? Who cares about Mexico anyway and those stupid fish everyone thinks are healthy eating? I like my fish from Mc Donalds and I’m confidant that BP knows what it’s doing. You surfers need to trust corporations, the stewards of our future. As long as investors make money, no harm is ever done. Free Market will save the world from humanity and soon, that petty inconvenience called democracy will be just a retro catch phrase now that the supreme court has realized Money’s altruistic inclinations. So all you angry liberals, go to the mall and by all means, use those credit cards our benevolent banks have graciously approved for you!

Gotta go surfers, time to spin the science into profitable BELIEF.

26 04 2010
BP

You got 600miles of oil profits to swim in now. Enjoy!

26 04 2010
Voice of Reality

So morbid curiousity got the best of me and I pulled up the contest website….

Seriously, that’s the best wave in Brazil? No one should ever joke about HB again.

Looks like the dream tour is entering a hibernation……

26 04 2010
Tallahasse is for LOVERS

Under the proposal unveiled by OBAMA and Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, oil and gas exploration would be allowed in the eastern Gulf of Mexico 125 miles from Florida’s west coast.

Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/04/01/1557864/obama-drilling-plan-spares-south.html#ixzz0mDUsFwry

Luckily it appears fla lawmakers(idiots) have tabled the Oil Bill for another year. (thanks BP)

26 04 2010
Slave negro boy

He is 1/2 white….

26 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Ahhh, the hate never dies…it just slithers around the internet, feeding on its own tail.

As for what should be deleted, Nug….cutting off a festering sore isn’t censorship, it’s just good health.

26 04 2010
mark

really really nice waves today at select san diego spots with zero crowds and long, long combo lines.

i love surfing

26 04 2010
Old Kook

On a COMPLETELY different topic.

Steph Gilmore wins 3rd of 4 comps. Is she the new female Slater? Or are the other ladies on tour just not that good?

Talk amongst yourselves, while I get a nosh.

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

@ Old Kook-

First of all, nice to hear from ya dude! But yeah, i think that’s pretty impressive given the young (and pretty hot) talent on the women’s tour…like coco and Sally F., etc.

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

BTW, what the fuck is a nosh….if its not what i suspect it is??

26 04 2010
Old Kook

Sorry trauz…. I’m a litle concerned of what you might think a nosh is….. just a snack..

Steph is good, but I’m kind of wondering what’s up with the ultimate domination. I was hoping this year would find a little more balance….

26 04 2010
Old Kook

Sorry trauz…. I’m a little concerned of what you might think a nosh is….. just a snack..

Steph is good, but I’m kind of wondering what’s up with the ultimate domination. I was hoping this year would find a little more balance….

… and thanks for the welcome back. I didn’t think I would be remembered. I took a hiatus from the immature, dimwitted musings that we type for a while. Then realized that I need to vent and show my ignorance to the masses.

26 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Old Kook

Steph Gilmour is pretty good. But I still miss Syd Barrett. Shine on you crazy diamond, indeed.

Not sure what this has to do with Slater. Except that he played guitar in a terrible band that released that abomination known as ‘Songs from Mark’s Mother’s Tailpipe.’ Or was it ‘Songs from the Crack Pipe?’

26 04 2010
Enoch Ward

“immature, dimwitted musings…”

I have no idea what you are referring to, good sir.

None at all.

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

@EW-

That about nails it with Syd Barrett. Played awful guitar in a terrible band. How did they get so much better with dave gilmour once barrett was in the padded room? It can’t be ALL production….can it?

@ Old Kook…you might be confusing a nosh with a mash…….

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

ahhhh…this is getting good again.

26 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Pink Floyd is one of those great bands that I would never miss if they stopped playing them on the radio alltogether. Self-indulgent, over-produced glitz that was hyped to oblivion. Give me Neil Young, Creedence, or even some Zappa and I’ll do just fine without hearing ‘Money’ or ‘Another Brick in the Wall’ again.

Gilmour could play though. And I’ve fallen into many a narcotic stupor with their tunes caressing my surfer’s ear besmitten drums.

26 04 2010
Old Kook

A nosh is a snack, at least it was to all my family on my father’s side….. I am in the same tribe as the dearly departed Mr. Samuels. (Well not by blood if you follow the true judaic code, but I digress). So, yes, a nosh is a snack or bite to eat.

@EW: and this is exactly why I missed all this tomfoolery.

Carry on.

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

@EW-
What about Pigs, Dogs, Pigs on the wing…etc. Even with the production, the flashbacks I’m getting all of a sudden tell me that was good stuff and they don’t make ’em like that anymore. Definitely with you on the Neill Young.

Wille Nelson, Merele Haggard, Johnny, even lynrd skynrd…even better. “why does mr. young sing about her??”

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

@ Old Kook-

Now, Tom foolery could be a synonym for mash-

“hey trauzer, i tried to call you like three times….sorry man, i was fully engaged in some tom foolery.” and this would be totally cool….as long as you’re not caught in the act……

26 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Trauzer,

The Floyd’s were definitely a great band. Just a bit over-hyped in an era that should have shone a greater light on The Stooges, MC5 and Burt Bacharach.

They don’t hold a Yak’s fart into a sand storm’s chance of standing in the same room as Johnny Cash or Neil Young in terms of shear earth-moving genious.

Now, didn’t this whole conversation start when Old Kook asked about a lady surfer?

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

@Enoch-
LMFAO!!! all true. The lady surfer thing’s got Alana on my mind….gotta go engage in some tom foolery. brb.

26 04 2010
Voice of Reality

Enoch and Trauzer…..

Gilmour is good, but Syd was trippy… Sports Arena, 1976…. green pyramid & shine on crazy diamond. In those days, when you were “arrested”, you stood in line waiting for processing. I saw this girl I liked and wandered out of line back into the show with her. Never occurred to me that my friends waited to get arrested for weed. Why we needed weed in that state is another question.

My family had a trade agreement with Jack Kent Cooke…. free product for him, 4 seats to every event for us. That summer, Led Zeppelin came to the Forum and I had 7 nights of 4 senate seats.

And Enoch, I got to sit in Zappa’s home studio when he was soloing for a brief moment…. never got the credit, but killed it and his musicians were an all star team.

So much for a surfing blog…..

Malia Jones, Lick lick the ice cream cone, boy she bottom turns well.

26 04 2010
Old Kook

Voice of Reality you have just dated yourself, but now so do I. Zep at the Forum for me in ’77. That and L.A. Kings games with names like Vachon, Dionne, Goring…. but, again I digress…..

Alana…good pick…. but, we’re talking surfing, so I’ll have to go with the Vietnamese Hermaphrodite that frequents the local break here on the East Coast. S/He rips and makes a fine brisket.

26 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

I dated myself last night. I have to say it went exceedingly well.

26 04 2010
Voice of Reality

Did you hand enjoy it, Bagel? No need to be selfish.

Fuck, how good were those shows old kook?

I think Breakfast boy remembers the Masque, craziest entrance in punk.

LA was fun, now it’s a cluster fuck and Malibu is dead. Penelope Sphears called it Decline of the Western Civilization and she documented LA. What would she call the current mess labeled Orange County? The Decline of Western Civility?

26 04 2010
Old Kook

@Voice: I wouldn’t know what to call any of it anymore. Born and raised….bailed in 91.

Spent my whole youth in what was a musical nirvana, but watched the city start to slowly turn to shit. I miss certain things, but not enough to ever repatriate myself. However, you can say the same about anywhere, can’t you? Nowhere remains the same, not from your youth anyway.

Holy Occy’s mum hairy lips…..must stop reminiscing and pull the ass out of past glory…..move on to important things like, has anyone figured out Freddy P’s actual sexual orientation? The vietnamese hermaphrodite surf god/goddess here has it’s own thoughts. Not that there’s anything wrong with that……….but that whole sly smile when he video blogs…..well let’s just say I’m guessing a drive up from Trestles to Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood isn’t necessarily out of the question.

Oh and shit yes on the Malia ice cream cone analogy….

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

@Mike-

Still torn between trying that M4 and a certain fish design from local shapers that another beloved commenter recommended. But if you saw pink floyd in 1976 and the M4 works for you, I think I may be willing to gamble $680 US.

26 04 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike and Old Kook,

Stunning stories. Black Sabbath: California Jam. 1974. I creamed my trousers at least seven times.

I also have dated myself with my reference a few threads back to the time I briefly worked with The Man in Black. But, since we are dating ourselves, I think it’s high time Mark showed up and told us about the golden days o’ yore, when his mother sat in the luxury box for the Ludwig van Beethoven in Vienna as the dawn of the 19th century loomed menacingly before her behemothianesque frame.

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

Damn! I feel like a kid again!….gonna go engage in some more tom foolery, whilst i still can!!

26 04 2010
mark

led zeppelin and rick derringer day on the green oakland coliseaum summer 1977. 14 years old and screamin all day!

neil young and crazy horse cow palace san francisco 78 or 79 when rust never sleeps was filmed. that was cool.

gonna be some major energy in south africa this year! world cup soccer plus j-bay in the midst of, hopefully, the best title race ever.

riddle me this. dane fucking reynolds wins brazil with slater and parko making at least quarters and taj-mick-bobby in the mix.

then jordy beats parko in thr final at epic j-bay and bobby wins tahiti.

can you imagine the level of excitement at Lowers if there is a reeling oil glass south along with a 5 day 90 degree santa ana heat wave? and slater, taj, joel, bobby, mick, dane and jordy are all neck and neck? pretty much the 7 best guys on tour or in the world period right there.

and the usa wins the world cup and the padres win the national league west!

26 04 2010
trauzersnake

@Mark-
I hate to piss on your parade…..but it dosen’t really matter if the pads win the NL west (which is a real stretch to begin with). They’ll just have an early exit at the hands of the cardinals, phillies……or somebody in the playoffs. Bud Black Must Go!!!!!!

26 04 2010
sorrows of old mark

think my days both here on nug and in so cal are over.

need to get off the treadmill and into the woods. enjoyed all of your company.

i’m gonna be a highwayman again.

26 04 2010
Voice of Reality

I’m an escapee myself old kook and you can’t go back cause it no longer exists.

A lesson in space and time, live.

Baseball is for old fucks, not kooks Tsnake…. with the draft over, there literally is nothing until Jbay… someday in the future. Will it even matter at that point? Brody rolled the schedule dice with more abandon than Josh Mc Daniels rollled his “career” dice. Talk about risk.

I guess the term “destined to fail” resonates with management. Welcome to Corporatocracy. Too bad Global Cooling had a bad day with the Oil spill…. all that Money escaping the thieves to only ruin nature. Or as they say on Wall Street, collateral damage.

I once saw Malia bottom turn into a kickout…. glad she can’t engage her outside rail cause that view is priceless. Lick lick.

Too bad I’m married, I’m not even allowed to date myself.

26 04 2010
Mike

@Tsnake…. Elwood is pushing some fucking SD bullshit retro thing that never worked…. if you include random tattoos and shitty boards, you’ll uncover a SD “local”. Nothing like a drunk ink decision followed by an even poorer surfboard purchase, but it happens every day in SD.

The M4 is a tool. Designed, tested and applied. I’m sure Rusty has a mirror image, that’s what he does. Width is the key, with a reduced tail and heaps of tail rocker. Throw in some full concave and you arrive at lift.

Or have a pretty airbrush when you walk down the bike path stroking your “Donovan” mustache. You’ll even surf like him because his equipment choices have destroyed his surfing. Take that to Global Coolings bank.

26 04 2010
Dave Mailmans Facebook Page Editor

Greetings from the land of Dave the Mailman!

Just getting back into rythym after the comps, Davo keeping it real. Loads of merch as a booty and we’re sportin some really cool tags up and down Hossegor. Man, the logos work wonder with the chicks, but we have Dave on lockdown and he’s all hands to himself until the nuptuals. Check Twitter for the latest Dave masturabtion updates!

Wow, the ASP decision to hold Brazil as the third contest venue is amazing and that epiphany is not lost on Dave. How good is Catarina anyway?! Rippable peaks running across the indiscernable bank, yeah, dream tour for sure.

Dave supports all the decisions by the ASP and feels that the judging is impeccable as a result. He encourages you to spend your money on corporate swag and REPRESENT!!!!!! How can we achieve the end game of maximum demographics if we all don’t pitch in!

I knew you’d feel the same way Dave and I do.

Cheers all,

Dave Mailmen’s Facepook Page Editor

26 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Bartender!

I would like whatever Mike’s been imbibing this evening. On his tab, of course. Mailman’s Facebook, Malia’s bottom turns, and a C.I. sponsored dig at Rusty = Elixir for the soul. On point, mi amigo.

Except for the Merrick part.

Al Merrick is to surfing, what U2 is to Rock n’ Roll.

27 04 2010
Bone an Raized

The Weather Girls, “It’s Raining Men”, Blaisdale 1980!
I think one of ’em was Marks mom.
Jungle and I snorted so much Draino, our wee little brains ran out our noses.
I’ve fully recovered. As for Jungle…well…

27 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

This second half of the thread is sponsored by ‘Old Kook®’ after-shave. Reminisce about the good times, good friends and good music, knowing that you don’t stink like a 60 year old wearing DEPEND® incontinence products by covering it up with ‘Old Kook®’ aftershave.

‘Old Kook®’ also available as soap on a rope – the perfect grandfather’s day present.

27 04 2010
Old Kook

Thanks for the free advert Fake Charlie. Although I’m far from 60 years of age, I do think our products work well for anyone of any age.

Keep an eye out for the debut of our new combo board wax/anti perspirant and our new customized walkers with plenty of concave and triple stringers.

27 04 2010
apologies/cmr

I thought lantern made the N word acceptable.

Im not here to heal the world but at what point did the surfworld give up on the enviroment??

Surfer/surfing, Sufline, and ESM have remained silent on the oil spill. TWS mentiioned it but that was as far as it went.

27 04 2010
Lobbyist for Depends

Now, now fake Chas…. protective undergarments have aesthetic appeal as well, they will cover up unwanted g-string lines so that your skinny jeans won’t reveal any crack. Brought to you by your friends at Depends, try a pair on today.

27 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

That’s fascinating, where can I find out more about this wonderful product? I think it will change my life.

27 04 2010
Surf Industries Conscience

Oil Spill? What oil spill? We were down at river jetties this morning and didn’t see any damn oil…. what is all the fuss about? In these tough times, fake news stories don’t interest us much. In fact, we are too busy culling our “teams” of anyone HR has to write a check to.

Now, if you’re satisfied with some “free” merch, we’ve got stickers for YOU!

27 04 2010
Enquiring Minds

We were enjoying this delightful blog when we came across the Oil spill announcement and will return once we get that full story.

Until then, we’re off to TWS for the up to the minute details of the disaster in the gulf! I’m telling you, Cote has a journalistic future in him. Don’t judge him by the random tattoo’s or the quirky delivery, the kids got moxie and a nose for the truth. TWS is surfing’s conduit to the world! (assuming you are under 12 years of age)

27 04 2010
Mike

Wow, Halliburton and BP fighting it out over the blame…. but with corpo protection no one will be held responsible and the wind is pushing toward Texas.

How’s the trading going today global cooling? Gotta keep triangulating Money’s position, do ya?

Corporations…. the steward of our collective future. In Money, we do trust.

27 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Old Kook, I know all about noshing. Some would say I am the ideal noshing companion.

@Everyone…highly entertaining silliness all around. Nice to see such a strong return to taking nothing seriously, right on the heels of dumbshittery and hatred. Anyone know any truly smart/worthwhile people who lack a sense of humor? Me neither.

Now, if we could somehow partner with the good people at Depends to produce one GIANT FUCKING OIL-ABSORBING DIAPER

27 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

…that would good.

27 04 2010
Bone an Raized

How about oil booms made from bagels strung together?
When fully saturated, dump ’em on Wall Street.

Foreign media giving this story far more attention than domestic outlets.
Makes ya go hmmmm
Gotta go CRANKIN SOUTH!!!!!!

27 04 2010
Mike

Maybe Nug remembers the Newport Beach oil spill…. late 80’s I believe. Dudes in Hasmet suits rolled enormous tampons to clean the “spill”. One day, the tubes were so fucking good and the definition of “Oil glass”. Never seen black waves before or since.

Poor Oceanside. Literally, the entire Newport/HB population was invading the O harbor for months on end.

Where will South Padre go? Bob Hall rats? Well, at least the state responsible for more “conservative” idiocy will pay the price for their devotion to Money. Seriously, can we expel Texas from the union? If that had been done 30 years ago, America would still have a heartbeat.

27 04 2010
Voice of Reality

9/11, Iraq and Afghanny Wars, Torture, Graft, Oil Spills…. not sexy enough for a culture hypnotized by the fantasy of celebrity. Wealth consolidation and Reagan’s anti trust elimination destiny’s add up to about 4 CEO’s who own information dissemination today in the USA Inc. and those four men are beholden to 2 FOREIGN banks. You will never hear the stories that plague our society because those truths are not revenue streams for the two banks.

Foreign news still considers journalism valid. Shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows the fix is in that the US lags behind….again.

Scary thing is, the whole deal is accelerating and most Americans are completely ignorant to the results of their collective apathy from intellectual curiousity. The death of an empire in just 30 years. Today, 41 Republicans voted not to regulate the banks(?) and their constituents will be pacified over another illegal immigration “debate” in Arizona. Sheep led to slaughter, but instead of a carrot the stick has a high interest credit card taped to it.

Have fun surfing boys and don’t procreate…. you’re leaving a mess for the future generations who have capability issues as it is. They sure know how to boost airs though… too bad they can’t link a turn to save their life, but man the trampoline act has never been higher.

“Tonight on American Idol, find out which effeminate prodigy will move on to the next round!”

Wonder what Kelly (Enoch) thinks about all this?

27 04 2010
cmr

If Texas left the United States it would become a colony of Saudi Arabia.

Led by a Bush.

27 04 2010
Voice of Reality

Technically cmr, it would be the Carlyle Group ( Bush, Binladens and Saudi Royal Family ). Talk about organized crime on a global scale.

And to correct Mike, Texas is not in the cross hairs of the spill, but Florida’s panhandle seems to be the final resting place for the deluge. Maybe the Republican dickhead governor will see off shore drilling in a different light.

Hey Sheapea…. we know you’ve bailed the gulf, but where will all your buddies surf? Better get ready for some house guests.

27 04 2010
cmr

Are people that ignorant or afraid to speak out on the oil spill? The biggest sellout (in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ) of the panhandle MR. SURF of Panama City has not mentioned the Spill once????

Scared to run off touros or is there more???

Am I going to go missing in the days ahead.
Luckily I dont live in the city of my IP address but I feel watched.

***Be warned if you click on above link you could possibly puke up lunch.

27 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I want you all to close your eyes. Now, sitting there, somehow still reading this comment, imagine Charlie Crist mounted on the back of BP’s current chairman: heaving his leathery corporeality back and forth, his eyes screwed into crusty slits of lust, his jaw slack and open with squalid breath, wheezing past tiny veneered teeth – and I want you to zero in on one thing: the silver hair, matted with sweat, yet still keeping time with his frenzied humpings, which emit very quiet slapping sounds, like someone gently flogging a dead toad with a severed earlobe.

Now open your eyes and imagine Florida’s governor doing anything of consequence after this oil spill.

Yeah. That’s what I thought.

27 04 2010
cmr

Would of been perfect if you could of included his year round TAN somehow….

27 04 2010
Enoch Ward

I defy any of you to read my last comment parsed with CMR’s link without losing your tasty breakfast snack.

27 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

I did it. I clicked. Then I upchucked myself….not an easy thing to do btw.

27 04 2010
two sides

Mike has some great points here and they are appreciated.

However have any of you actually looked into the details of this finance bill? Seems to me that the current powers that be are taking advantage of all the rage at Goldman Sachs and using that to pass a bill that has many, many other details in it that give MASSIVE control to the government.

That oil spill sucks and I have to admit that the conservative talking heads are conveniently not talking about it.

Tough world we are living in. Not a lot of easy solutions regardless of which side you butter your political toast.

27 04 2010
two sides

@Enoch Ward

You obviously do not keep up on current politics. Crist is toast and will be crushed my Marco Rubio in the current Senatorial race.

The question is what will Rubio, the ultra conservative, do regarding rigs off of Florida after this last spill?

Enoch needs to stick with childish jokes about taints etc. and stay away from serious political discourse. This is big boy stuff.

27 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Yes, politics are meant for big boys in small bathroom stalls.

I’ll keep my feet to myself.

27 04 2010
Enoch Ward

… in case you missed the point of my story…

27 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

Actually, it’s little boy stuff. Little boys playing schoolyard games with everyone else’s lives. And dumbshits following along. Quite simple, really.

Thanks for keeping up on current politics for us, Mark, er, Two Sides. Feel free to share the details about the MASSIVE government control in this new bill, which is actually a candy-coated blowjob for the finance industry and STILL wont get passed.

27 04 2010
cmr

3 days and our greed for oil will actually catchup (with at least pensacola)

I see why you guys dont get started on politics, slow down the snowball this issue is going to be around for years unfortunately.

Brasil on the other hand…. and speaking of hands has anyone noticed the lack of talent at this years event. nao bom dia!

I need to see some thongs before this comp ends and Buildabong has at least stepped up the heat on demand aspect….

27 04 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

Did somebody say oiled-up shorebreak???

FUCK YEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! I am gonna get so much fuckin speed and hit it so fucking hard my spray will put out that oil rig fire 1,000 miles away!!!

YOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

27 04 2010
Trowzersnayk

Did somebody say candy-coated blowjob???

27 04 2010
trauzersnake

LMFAO @Enoch 11:04:49

27 04 2010
trauzersnake

Man, the market’s waay down.

Greece=cumdumpster

27 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

But just like Brazil, the boys (oops) girls in Greece like it in the poop-shute. Just ask Jennifer Anistonopolous.

27 04 2010
trowzersnayk

Greece = Hundreds of American municipalities subjected to the same scam. Give it a year or two to come due. We are in it deep. Greece is just the beginning.

27 04 2010
two sides

jamon bagel = double cum slurper and resident snowboard homo.

27 04 2010
Jamon Bagel

You owe me a beer for that totally uncalled-for insult, Mark. I am thinking a Long Trail, on ice.

27 04 2010
Schlurg

Santa Barbara Spill ’69 caught the attention of a nation primed by Nixon, war, the killing of war protesters, on and on. Film crews sent out footage of oil billowing from that rig. The world watched as the channel was filled with this elixir of wealth. It was the peoples disgust that got the nation to “control” the oil corps. Brothers in arms(and drugs, and rock n roll) we were. Little boys and big boys alike.
The evil snowball of dollars toppled that revolution. Now we’re back in a similar morass.
The memories of sea birds covered in black goo, oil booms across harbor mouths, not being able to go near the high tide line that was littered with dead birds, fish, blackened kelp and huge blobs of tar, are coming back to me like a bad recurrent dream.
Consider this a call to action. We must find that common bond we once had. For anyone that cares, environmentalism is not optional!

27 04 2010
Enoch Ward

It’s okay Jamon.

Mark’s still traumatized from when he was a child and he stumbled upon his mother’s vibrator: a ’53 Dodge pickup’s crankshaft… still inside the engine.

27 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

Yes, but it’s how he stumbled upon it that’s made the biggest impact on Mark. He will never own a house with a twin garage.

27 04 2010
fox on the run

ever see that movie “into the wild”?

that is mark in about 10 days. except he is bringing eddie with him.

and he won’t be burning 100 dollar bills.

27 04 2010
Kaiser Slowze

Nug spornte mich an, über das Surfen zu taintgarggle schreiben. Er ist der ein zutreffende Gott und meatwhistle seine Göttlichkeit sollte während aller Ewigkeit mit behemoth cock Opfern der kleinen Ziegen nach Altaren von Wilderbeast ballsacks gefeiert werden. Nug ordnet an und aller Sie geifern!

Wort zu Ihren Mammen.

27 04 2010
Bert's Skull

First!!!!

27 04 2010
trauzersnake

@Kaiser Slowze-

Not sure exactly what you said….but i’d bet a 100 euros that it was funny as fuck.

@trow-whatever…..that’s quite intriguing. I think i like you (now can you come up with your own name, please) thanx bud.

27 04 2010
Voice of Reality

@Trowzersnake…. Greece is just the first tipping point.

The commercial resets and the next foreclosure wave is imminent.

Haven’t read the bill Jamon, but not surprised that it may not be the tough love the banks earned. Really, it’s so fucked up.

In the end, this will re-calibrate our economy to what it should have been all along. That’s why the banks are hording cash and not loaning…. they know what’s on the horizon and the Average Joe is fucked.

Just keep surfing boys, financial ambition may have a while until it’s worth the full on effort.

Fuck oil. How embarrassing is it that we’re still wading through an obsolete technology. Shame on humanity.

Kelly Slater will win in Brazzo, Taj second. ( I tried to get this back onto surfing Nug)

27 04 2010
Old Kook

Yes, back on track…. Brazil World Tour…next year can we just hold a tandem comp. there???

28 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

so Transworld Surf is putting out a themed edition using the title The Big Photo Book in May? It sounds so vaguely familiar …

28 04 2010
cmr

Big PHOTO Book= illiterate editors

28 04 2010
Sisco

Show me your thong, thong, thong, thong ,,,,

sun is out bring it brasil…..

28 04 2010
cmr

Pat gudang just posted a 5.2 heat score… really??

28 04 2010
Mike

Maybe you guys have been right, Dane just stalled on an already slow wave to set up an air. The wave was a piece of shit, he was uninspired and he landed the rotation non chalantly.

I’ve seen him kill good waves, but this one was ridiculous. Witchcraft.

28 04 2010
cmr

Marzo are nightline 2nite? shoud be a interesting inner view.

Chau Taj…

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Just logged in. Heading South for a week later this afternoon.

I see Taj is out. Door’s open for Kelly.

My dream last night that the contest was relocated to Fiji was not answered. Our Laird is a vengeful god.

28 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

I’ve just shaved myself ‘down south’. My pee pee looks bigger.

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Bede’s bowing out to Owen. I had Bede making the semi’s.

Guess it’s time for me to ingest Owen’s testicles.

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

You really are the fake Charlie Smith, because the real Chas shaved “I Heart Death Cab For Cutie” into his nether-hair a long time ago.

Do not ask me how I know.

Otherwise I will have to kill you, your family, and their family’s family.

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Good on ya Freddy for finally realizing a 1.0 wasn’t going to win this heat.

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Although a 1.0 could probably combo Luke Stedman.

28 04 2010
ed

my left speaker has english audio, right one portuguese

go dream tour!

ps. decreasing swell… looks like we’ll have 1-2 foot for the finals

28 04 2010
Old Kook

I love this webcast… It makes work seem way better than listening to it.

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Slater vs. Gudauski

The only heat I cared about seeing today. Slater best beware of The Gudauski, lest he pee all over his proverbial rug.

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

What language was Kierren speaking when he was describing the tour cut and the math?

My guess?

Douche.

28 04 2010
cmr

6.5 safely very safely

28 04 2010
ed

now the right channel has eletronic music!

how fucked up is that?

28 04 2010
Old Kook

I see we get another damn year of that cumdumpster GT doing interviews. Good lord.

And go figure, as I sit down to watch the Slates/Gudow heat, I get called away from the damned computer.
But, back in time for cumdumpster….er I mean GT’s interview. Dammit.

I need to go on the dole, so work doesn’t interfere with my sedentary web watching lifestyle.

28 04 2010
Yeah, Biiiatch!!

200!!!

You filthy mongrel humping, goose necked turd burglars!!!

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Jordy’s 8.17 was an overscored BJ from the judges. Wonder what they’re going to give him for the second wave, now that they gave him an 8.17 for four off-the-lips.

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Really, Jordy’s second wave wasn’t worth even a full point more than the 8.17?

Way to back yourselves into a corner, ASP-U judging panel.

28 04 2010
ed

laughable

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Jordy Smith looks like Jar-Jar Binks.

28 04 2010
cmr

theres is a new midget in town…… Jadson is on fire…

28 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

Jadson Andre! Must be on cocaine.

28 04 2010
ed

no, that’s just a normal state of mind of a mediocre brazilian that does not have to worry about how much food cost

28 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

weird

28 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

YES SNIPS, WE UNDERSTAND THAT JADSON IS STRONG AND FIT!!!!

28 04 2010
ed

and parko is in trouble. big time

28 04 2010
Enoch Ward

Can someone please tell me if Brasilian’s are passionate people??????

28 04 2010
Perkus Tooth

“Brasilians”. No apostrophe.

28 04 2010
Mike

Funny how Enoch gets “edited”… hee hee.

Don’t know how you guys can sit through that podcast…..

What if they move Trestles to Old Man’s…. ooopppps Perkus, did I apostrophe incorrectly? Grammar is important.

28 04 2010
ed

hey.. I’m just checking the new `waves on demand` feature at the bilafuckyou website.. looks good

nice to see people trying to inovate

28 04 2010
Elwood

What up with Jadsen…. aka “The Brazilian Bede”.

Had no clue who the fuck this kid was till the start of the year… and I claimed early on how he looked to be clearly the leader of the rookie class.

Kinda funny how all the big corps passed on him and no hype machine surrounding him.

First rookie to R4 last contest and first rookie to quarters…. droppin 8’s like there nothing…. WTF.

28 04 2010
mark

i was talkin about jadson andre well over a year ago.

fuckin elwood is clueless.

28 04 2010
Meatwad

Gotta back Mark Up here I think he called that shit on postsurf.

28 04 2010
mark

p.s.

great waves here in san diego lately. never ending luv.

28 04 2010
Mike

Mark knows ASP.

Elwood…. the kid rides off his back foot, pushes water. His nose flails away as he “steers” his board into positions… not hits. Jandre is toast anywhere but Bolsa Chica, Brazil. Surprised the “New Collection” generation embraces such a pusher. Unless Elwood really is “Old Kook”.

It’s the other kid you should be gushing over Elwood… Medina. Notice how that kid DRIVES off his front foot to launch…yeah, that’s surfing dude.

Hope this contest footage keeps you all believing… it’s gonna be like an “off season” for the ASP very soon. It will be 6 full months into the year before the “dream tour” has a shot at dreams( jbay) and most of us will be asleep. JBay better go off or Chopes/Trestles will represent Brody Croyle’s, Josh Mc Daniel moment.

Hey Mark, how’s your fantasy team doin? All that claiming you made last season made the brazilians blush. You promised a POST Surf Mentawaii’s trip and all we got was a Nug.

Typical Republican.

28 04 2010
Bobby Bane

God, surfers are a dumb lot…
for the most part.

Surfline’s newest contest wrap-up has pushed me too far. One cannot read any U.S. coverage without “flare” being used as a descriptive verb. They aren’t cobras, blow fish, or Dilophosaurus- Jurasic Park edition.

Someone somewhere used it the first time, and it was a good metaphor. Now poor Sea Biscuit is taking the beating of a lifetime.

29 04 2010
cmr

“But time may be running out. Not only was a third leak discovered — which government officials said is spewing five times as much oil into the water than originally estimated — but it might be closer to shore than previously known, and could have oil washing up on shore by Friday”

Yeah we can be the Exxon disaster way faster with this good news. Also BP now officially owns our Coast Gaurd.

Brasil is a vi.

29 04 2010
cmr

Slater won you guys need to wake up…

29 04 2010
cmr

Suns out, last chance for a free ride out of brasil for a year…

Can you say THONG ?

29 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

Jadson has all the style of a one-legged epileptic being chased by a swarm of bees.

29 04 2010
cmr

dane biggest air ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!in a comp Jesus christ!!!!!!

29 04 2010
Suntory_Bikkle

Oh shit…Dane’s looking good. I’m digging Brazil with the sun out!

29 04 2010
Global cooling

hey was Dane ripped? Who watched? I have a hard time believing he lost to Jadson (from Brazil)…but I could be wrong. Please comment if you have an opinion.

29 04 2010
Elwood

Jadson won…. his last waves was not a 9, but Dane’s last wave wasn’t a 7.9 either… Jadson won that heat… no controversy.

@ Mike… Jadson’s backside surfing at Snapper is what got my attention. You expect a Brazza kid to blow up in a shoulder high beach break… but is surfing at a funky right point break is why he may be around for a while.

29 04 2010
mark

what a contest! dane needs a 7.5 and gets an overscored 7.9 to overtake jadson with 30 seconds to go then the nuggety little tom carroll clone BLOWS UP for a 9 plus! and the fans go nuts!.

jadson-slater final with dane and jordy most likely in the top 5 in the world now.

i hate to admit it but i am kind of rooting for the kid. if he wins the locals will probably burn down the town!

29 04 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

He surfs real ugly.

29 04 2010
Elwood

HIs style is par for the course for any other rookies…. every bit as good (or bad) as Dusty, Owen, Wilko, etc.

Ok… Simpo has good style… but not sure what that’s gotten him thus far.

29 04 2010
Suntory_Bikkle

Should be a great final…Jadson was surfing like his board was glued to his feet.

29 04 2010
ed

this is endeed a great final, I thought they would give a 9 for that super smooth double air combo

Just a 6.5

It reminds me of the only barrel at pipe’s final

29 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Great final so far, these guys are flaring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

29 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Watch the replays of their backside bottom turns, Joel at Snapper was right; the bottom turn should be considered more as part of the scoring maneuver.

29 04 2010
Dave Mailman

Hi Mike,
I’m here, but since you’ve been doing such a good job editing my Facebook page, I haven’t felt the necessity to comment. One question though… Am I the only one who thinks K9 has been getting juiced a bit by the judging panel? Compare Kelly and Owen’s 6.33s from the semis and try to tell me they deserve the same score. Anyway, maybe it’s just me… Wonder if the judges will have to fix it for him to beat Jadson in the final. JBay and Teahupo’o will show us if Jadson’s the real deal or not.

29 04 2010
cmr

Quiksilver is a bigger brand therefore they deserve the win.

I’ve learnt that from you.

29 04 2010
ed

How many rookies have won an event?

I really wanna see him at Teahupoo, speacially over 6-8″

will he go for it as he goes for his airs??

29 04 2010
cmr

bobby m. and ??

29 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

roberto slater won his shortened rook year didn’t he?
or was it his first full year on tour?
sorry, too f-ing lazy to google it up …

29 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Yes, Postman, KS gets juiced for sure.

29 04 2010
Peter Perfect

The horror! The horror!

If this ugly pumping, flailing etc is what the future of surfing is, I’m taking up kiteboarding.

29 04 2010
Dave Mailman

Sounds like Luke Egan agrees with me. I will now go back to never never land and let Mike continue to update you on my status using the sole power of his very colorful imagination…

29 04 2010
Global cooling

…and Luke’s a Billabong guy who’s best bud is Parko…

29 04 2010
Global cooling

stinkbug air reverses score big! Learn it and you too can win contests!

Mailman aren’t you somehow on the Rip Curl payroll hence your Owen bias…?

29 04 2010
cmr

to late hes back in the castle. No wifi through stone walls…

29 04 2010
mark

Brazil Brazil Brazil Brazil Brazil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

29 04 2010
mark

keep in mind that it was the very well ripped little righthander that won jadson the heat just as much as the big reverse on the left. i thought that was an interesting fact.

give the guy his due. something tells me he will do better at the heavy spots than anticipated.

btw is every single commenter on here a fucking hater? why do all you complain about EVERTHING in regards to the contest, webcast, schedule etc. etc.

with Brazils passion for the sport and their representation in the top ranks you have to have a contest there. i also feel that it is good to have a beach break event because it ends up usually contributing to a well rounded world champ.

If Parko wins J Bay and Jordy makes the semi’s then Bobby wins Tahiti with Slater making the semis can you imagine the insanity of a lowers with 6 or more legitimate title contenders? how about if there is a monster from new zealand caliber 5 day south with sheet glass conditions?

dream tour indeed.

29 04 2010
Global cooling

Since I’m probably the “hater” you’re addressing I’ll respond. Jadson surfs good, I don’t deny that and I too have a feeling that he’ll probably do well at Chopes (probably not JBay).

I throw D. Payne and Jadson in the same category in that they both have the above the lip reverse completely wired yet often the move comes off ugly. The judging needs to delineate between a reverse done smoothly and one’s that aren’t.

Slater will be very tough to catch from here on out. Although Chopes is a crapshoot of a contest with much luck factor, nobody matches Kelly there particularly if it’s heavy. The best hope of the rest of the pack for Kelly to go down there would for him to have a wave starved heat, as that’s really the only way he’s ever lost there.

29 04 2010
Peter Perfect

AI might give Kelly a run for his money if it’s heavy and he’ not.

29 04 2010
Elwood

The final 2 days of the Brazza contest was as good or better than the first 2 contests. Every contest can’t be held in a right point break.

29 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

KRS9 on toppa of the heap again !

29 04 2010
mark

toss out one throwaway and the top guys are:

slater with a 1 and a 2, taj with a 1 and a 3, jordy with a 2 and a 5 and dane and bobby both with a couple of 3rds. mix in mick and joel and adrianno all lurking with a semi finish or better putting them in the top 5 after j-bay and we have the first real multi-contender title race since, i believe, the terrorism shortened 2001 season.

hopefully there wont be a war with iran or some other inconvenience that will ruin it.

29 04 2010
Randomrandomness

I miss old school porno. There just isn’t any love in porn these days.

29 04 2010
Elwood

I”m with Mark on the whole thing… don’t need to repeat it and he can claim Jadson since I wasn’t around back in the post-surf days.

Well deserved win… gotta feel good for the kid… he did not back his way into the contest… Slater, Dane, etc. etc.

His style aint that bad… as good as any other rookies other than Simpo. And he does have game in rights too as Mark pointed out.

The only thing lacking for him is the hype machines that the big corps throw out to the hot young kids… So F.U to Quick, Rip, Bong, etc. cause this kids blows away any other 20 and under kid on your payroll… other than that other little 15 year old Brazza kid.

29 04 2010
Dave Mailman's Facebook page editor

Hello Nugables!

As promised, Dave made his triumphant return to Nugable with his signature wit and candid perspective of experience! To have him grace this blog is definitely a privilege to you all that Dave offers as his gift for your entertainment.

Contrary to popular opinion (Mike), Dave was not hiding…. just surveying the playing field from the distance of critical analysis. As you all know, that retrospection allowed him to accurately predict that Jadson Andre would win the Brazzo pro despite his back leg pushy “style”. Dave salutes Elwood for his continuing JAndre groupie status because Dave knows what it’s like to have a man crush on a pro surfer. Dave wants Elwood to know that when Trestles comes around, Dave will schedule a meet and greet with the Brazzo lightning for several guests of Elwood!!!

Check back with our Facebook page for all the details and stay updated to Dave with his fascinating Twitter account.

We’ve also logged the complete schedule for Dave’s wedding weekend and Dave has been so kind as to pair the best wines for each celebrations culinary choices…. and links to the fine wine merchants in your neighborhoods so that you too can salute Dave!

It’s all about Dave, all the time!

Cheers mates,

Dave Mailman’s Facebook Page Editor

29 04 2010
Mike

Nice to have Dave home again, despite his inferences that I give a shit about his Facebook page.

Oh Elwood, I’d love to clown you about your infatuation with horrible surfing, but you had to make a good point that can’t be ignored. The Brazilian kids get fucked and that’s another reason you can’t allow any sponsor to dictate the terms of competition. It’s a concession… we’ll allow a Brazzo to win Catarina, but they’ll be comboed before they paddle out at JBay.

It’s unfortunately always been that way. Brazilians travel very poorly and have no sense of courtesy or ettiquette. Rats in a cage mentality, so no one complains loudly about the injustice their competitors face.

Medina will transcend that and once he’s 18, Elwood can suck his dick with conviction. Until then, Murphy’s law prohibits Elwood from blowing full groupie status with someone deserving.

Before you all clown me, I didn’t watch the contest and only saw one heat of Elwoods idol. Ugly. Apparently he won, congrats. The only thing I do know now from watching the last two years and 3 heats of this shit is that I will cross off Brazil from my “bucket list”. No hesitation.

29 04 2010
Elwood

Brazilian chicks travel well… I had one for a nanny for about a year.

29 04 2010
Inquiring minds

Hey Global Coolling…. do you think BP should accept full responsibility ($) or should they throw the teflon Halliburton under the bus?

Do you GC think that Bush was the greatest president ever….or second greatest ever?

How about offshore drilling? Ramp up and create some visual interest across the oceans horizon or harvest a clean resource that doesn’t require wars to keep supplies consistent?

What’s the conservative perspective on war graft, corruption and gifts to corpos with inside ties to key previous administration executives?

I called my broker and asked him to assume the risk he gladly options me into and his response was emphatic…. Apparently he’s not as confident as you are about the Brazillian kid at Jbay.

29 04 2010
cmr

what about China buying the rights to drill off Cuba???

enlighten……

29 04 2010
GT's microphone

You wouldn’t believe where Greg packs me at night….

And I thought my colleague working for Paul Fischer had it bad…. at least he gets to wear an “in character” costume.

29 04 2010
Elwood

Somebody enlighten me… I know I can be slow sometimes but is GT for real or does the Bong put him up there for a goof?..

29 04 2010
Voice of Reality

And why wouldn’t Cuba sell China the rights to drilling and why shouldn’t we trust China to do it safely, cmr?

But that’s pussy shit compared to China and Mexico collaborating on a new port system with a superhighway headed to Texas through the jungles. Nothing like avoiding any port security….

And that’s pussy shit compared to China “securing” all the fine mineral ores in Africa which yield technology grade soders for electronic manufacturing. In the very near future, EVERY single computer built will be done so only with China’s involvement….

Remember how apalled everyone was with tainted pet food from China.

And all this went on while a “conservative” American administration waged illegal wars under the guise of “homeland security”, while capitalism cannibalizes our middle class who voted for foreign murder at church.

Then the banks are allowed to loot our future ($) as speculation replaces production. The Casino that Global Cooling trusts will double down on the demise and the fix is transparently in.

“come down the rabbit hole, cmr….. look it’s Global Cooling at work!”

30 04 2010
Wounded Albatross

“capitalism cannibalizes our middle class who voted for foreign murder at church.” Voice of Reality

Wow! Spot ON!

I heard a quote from a soldier when asked about America being at war!

“No! America is at the mall” unidentified ….

29 04 2010
Colonel Klink

“What?!?! China controls all computer manufacturing! Glad our military won’t be effected…. whats that you say Shultz?”…. as Shultz whispers into the commanders ear….

“Our military is dependent on their cooperation?!?!?….” Klink thinks aloud as his monicle falls off and Hogan (Chinese) enters the office.

29 04 2010
Spelling NAzi

affected

29 04 2010
Mike

Brazilian nanny…. wow, that takes blue balls Elwood.

I knew a couple who hired a french au paire. My buddy is now married to a french woman who hired an old mexican woman to look after the kids.

Sometimes old dogs do learn new tricks.

29 04 2010
Peter Perfect

Seriously, that was some of the ugliest surfing I’ve seen since BR did a 69er with Mark on a longboard.

29 04 2010
GT's microphone

that wasn’t a longboard PP, it was a SUP and that wasn’t BR’s dick sticking into Mark, that was the oar. But from a distance one can see how that may have appeared…. obviously passionate sex.

29 04 2010
mark

mike makes me ashamed to be an internet surf blog commenter.

he’s a fuckin wanna be know it all barn with 20% of my pro surf knowledge and, most likely, 50% of my surfing abillity in waves that matter.

and btw mike i don’t ride a longboard when it’s 8 foot which, if i was a gamblin man, is bigger surf than you have ridden for years.

fuckin kook.

29 04 2010
Mike

@Mark…I make you ashamed? That episode with BR on a longboard was ok, but GT’s microphone somehow stepped over some line?

And if you don’t ride a longboard, what do you ride Mark? A 9’0″?

“waves that matter?”…. do you mean Ponto? Oh, my bad, Old mans.

So do you mean 8 foot faces or “backs”? You could make it easy on yourself and judge the backs of waves I catch.

See you tuesday Calibammy, but now you’re buying. Better run that “business” expense by the wife…. or will you just file that reciept with your NHL playoff losses???? Big file bro, she’ll never go through all those receipts.

29 04 2010
mark

like i said.

mike is a fucking kook.

29 04 2010
mark

and i only bet on hoops, football and the 2010 world series champion san diego padres.

30 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

i’d put my money on the yankees/ tampa/ phillies / mets come october- november if i was a betting man making an early season claim like that. admire your team spirit though …

30 04 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

with all due respect, the pods are a solid franchise from team to management to ownership …

29 04 2010
NHL Fan

the nhl is in playoffs? i can’t findit on my tv.

29 04 2010
Mike

Mark….”only hoops, football and baseball”…. big stretch to hockey and losing bets….. or not.

Do you have a bet on tomorrow’s wind speed at 10 AM?

How’s the fantasy team doing?

Barn dog kook, you quit.

29 04 2010
Mark's evil twin Kram

My bookie tells me what position to cover opposite of Mark’s “investments” and I live in a home overlooking a wave Mark can’t surf just off the channel south from WindandSea. Opposite lives one might say.

That and I ride a shortboard.

30 04 2010
Oprah Wanabee

Now Now boys… knock it off.

I wish I could only run one show (post) every week or two.

30 04 2010
cmr

ALL YOU OGs FROM CALI BE SURE TO POOR OUT A LITTLE OF THAT 40 oz FOR THE GULF OF MEXICO THIS WEEKEND>>>>>

30 04 2010
Old Kook

…. is not Elwood.

I manged to miss everything past round 4 goddammit. I haven’t bothered to look at the heats yet, but reading all the posts gives me a good idea. What I did see of Jadson wasn’t too bad though and I agre he’s heavy off the back foot. But, in all seriousness I really can’t bash any of them. Why? Well look at my name!

Good to be back reading all this tomfoolery/fuckery/shenanigans.

30 04 2010
Old Kook

Oh and yes Mark did bring up Jadson in the PostSurf days. I can vouch for that.

30 04 2010
Ted Turner

The UN should go save the gulf; put my money to good use. The could put an OPEC senior delegate, Big Oil tycoon, or unabashed ocean hater on the clean up committee.

Isn’t that why their human rights commission is so respected outside of Europe?

Or even better, how Iran was just put on the Commission on the Status of Women?

BTW, we could also ,like Mark’s adversary who also begins his name with an “M”, envy European social policies, er.. welfare states, and health care only to stubbornly overlook their unemployment rate, social Plataea-mobility, and domino effect debt downgrading (first Greece, then Spain–champion of progressive health coverage). And Suckle the Axlerod tit of Obamacare spin which was independently evaluated to not cut costs, but increase them, -cutting costs being the second goal of the legislation. And yes, Mike, Bush sucked ass too, especially at growing gov.

But what do I care, I’m rich and my baseball team was good about twelve years ago.

30 04 2010
Bobby Bane

Mr. Hanoi Jane shows up In Defense of Mark?

And, you guys are sometimes entertaining, but we need a new post.

1 05 2010
mark

It was so inspiring to watch Slater in Brazil.

It was as if he was on the best board he had ever ridden and was in the best shape of his life and had the best attitude of everyone. He was FLOATING and FLYING across and above those little waves and the spray he threw was like that of a 24 year old in his prime.

As much as I am pumped for a close race I am equally excited for Slater to win his 10th. Can you imagine the Triple Crown season moving to the beat of a Kelly-Bobby showdown after last years Coolie Kids battle? Exciting stuff.

In response to complaints of too big a gap between events I have to say I agree but now the 6 star Primes are almost, in the grand scheme, as important as the ct’s. Take Lowers next week for example.

Pro Surfing rules!

1 05 2010
Mark's evil twin Kram

Sorry Ted, but the government grew under Bush and the Republican creed of less taxes was eclipsed in the form of historic debt…. pushing the payment several generations ahead.

It’s called leaving a ticking time bomb for your replacement. That one goal they accomplished in spades.

Nug, we need a new post. Without Enoch or Bagel, this ship is sinking… Mark’s already in the life boat and now there’s no room for anyone else. And why he gets to take his “magic 10’6” with him is anyones guess but does it have to be in the boat?! At least we can use his paddle for once.

1 05 2010
mark

And one final thing.

You gotta keep hope alive for Andy Irons in these next 2 events. If Supertubes and Tahiti both deliver real waves then maybe Irons can get the canvas he apparantly now must have to step up his game.

Go Andy!

1 05 2010
mark

Hey Mike how do you like that quick response time to the ecological disaster in the Gulf from the Obama administration?

Do you only criticize when it is the other guys screwing up? Or are you fair and equal in your scathing analysis of current events.

1 05 2010
ed

@Mark

I also enjoyed Slater’s performance

After Jadson’s 8 Slater just became VERY agressive, it was indeed inspiring

specially considering that I’m not old nor a kook, but I’m darmn close to being both! Watching Slater gave me hope. Maybe at my 50’s I’ll be abble to throw some airs…

1 05 2010
Mike

Yeah Mark, I am closely watching what O does about the spill, but it’s not similar in any way to an immediate, massive civilian crisis that Bush hesitated on. What I’d really like to see is a mass outcry from both your team and mine to reign in offshore drilling. Oil is obsolete… or should be and these situations are completely avoidable for the betterment of Humanity. But Money has plans strictly it’s own.

And I don’t see why truth has to be labeled scathing. It should be our collective best interest to have a free exchange of information that allows us to make the best decisions. Money doesn’t want us informed because our decisions may differ from Money’s… simple as that.

Time to leave this shitty state Marky, the wind hasn’t stopped blowing onshore in days and somewhere’s gotta have some better surf. My friends down under are claiming epic east coast, why don’t we go argue on the plane flight! Get it out of our systems, hit the tarmac and get fucking tubed. Let me know Mark, I’m going anyway.

1 05 2010
Bobby Bane

BR said to me once: “By the way, Objective’s comment of the week was beautiful…

…you filthy cocksucker!”

Those were the good ole days.

I just went onto PS to find a post and came across that one. Nug’s absence coupled with that random PS visit made me nostalgic.

2 05 2010
mark

Went to church for the first time in awhile today. I am unemployed again and, according to my wife, the first half of game 7 of Bucks-Hawks doesn’t trump church.

So anyway I am sitting there listening to a sermon about hypocrisy and I swear it felt like the preacher was staring directly at me as he spoke. ” Has this guy read some of my rantings on Nugable?”, I wondered to myself as waves of guilt and shame swept over me.

O.K. so I have written a couple of things that were not exactly becoming of someone who claims to be a Christian. I admit it. I am a hypocrite.

But the really interesting development of the morning was when I spotted Damien Hobgood sitting alone way up front directly facing the preacher.

I know that I will burn in hell for this but the first thought that came into my mind was ” yeah you better start praying pretty boy. Equal 23rd in the world doesn’t cut it for someone with your talent and if you don’t pull your head out soon then you are gonna be fishin with Smyrnajeff back in the oily flat waters of Florida by September.”

Am I a terrible person?

2 05 2010
Elwood

Love It Mr. Mark!

2 05 2010
Elwood

Perhaps the Best Golf (or surfing) Joke Ever…………

A Professor was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular Contractions” to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, “Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?”

She replied, “He’s probably golfing with his friends”

Perhaps we should substitute surfing for golf.

2 05 2010
Mike

Good stuff boys, funny. YOu’re ok Mark and Elwood should interview with Conan.

A man comes home and tells his wife that he’s going fishing with his buddies. “could you please pack the new pajama’s you bought me? I want to have them to remind me of you….” he says sympathetically.

“Sure honey, I’ll pack your bag, have a great weekend”.

Two days later, the husband returns and she greets him at the door.

“How was your fishing trip?”

He replies, ” yeah it was ok, but we didn’t catch any fish, unlucky I guess…… Hey, why didn’t you pack those pajama’s I asked you for?” he complains.

” I did, they are packed in your tackle box”

3 05 2010
Dong The Magic Wong

¡Buenos tardes Señor Nugs! So happy for this fine blogs and all its many numeral posts in past days for many times. When is Brazil contest for championships men about to start soon, no? I look forward with much trepidation and remediation for your ideas and hypothesis on upcoming event in Santa Catarina – hometown for much immense great waves and some female poon-tang vagina hoo-ha, you know, right!

I have much troubles and tribulations keeping up with all information being given here so many times this weeks but I try hardest you know, haha! My goodness gracious good grief you rule so hard now! Keep surfing the internets and shaka to all of your whole entire completeness for all times and forevermost in the world!!!

3 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Jason Andre = Jim Carey with both legs amputated below the knees, plugged into a wall socket, riding a greased electric bull while dancing to East German Hard House Disco Symphonic Industrial Club Beats, under the influence of ecstasy, meth and MiniThins diet pills.

3 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Ooops, left out the D in Jadson. Incidentally, the D stands for Dysfunctionally Spastic Bottom Turn.

3 05 2010
Bobby Bane

Tried a little too hard there.

3 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

I would argue that you didnt try hard enough, BB.

3 05 2010
Yeah Bitch!!!

300!!

Anyone posting after this must willingly chug a pint of Chas Smith’s ball sweat and chased with a pie made of Derek Reilly’s taint hair.

Or, you have to read Stab Magazine for a year… same diff.

3 05 2010
ed

Damn! Looks like australia will get some nice waves this week, I feel bad for all of those going to trestles.. maybe they can like lose their round one heat and fly back home…

asp rules!

literally!

4 05 2010
Hahaha... The End Is Nigh

Like so many other blogs, this shithole has run its course.

Fuck you Anus Ward and your asshole stepbrother Blasfumes Rott Mouse. Mike reruns talking points from every liberal message board. Mark reruns everything on FockedupNews, and then filters it through all eighteen of his alter-egos. Elwood, Jamon, Old Kook, etc… your point were not lost amongst the fray.

Laser / Perkus Tooth was reduced to nothing more than a spell-check for those endowed with more talent and less inhibition… pity, that.

PeterPerfect bravely bared his gaynessly inclined haunches for numerous intrusions by those with a healthier endowment of the crotchenial region.

And Mr. Nugs himself…

A valiant effort, m’lad.

More than I can say for the rest of the serfing kingdom. If, Like PostSurf, the light is nigh, then I’ll see you in 968 comments… ol’ chap!

4 05 2010
Poor guy

Poor nug…

1st shea cums and goes,,,

then JOB cheats with a 26 slide feature for surfline with ben marcus (did you know jaime burns rule books and pushes redbull?),,,,

finally slater, for any PRO HO the ultimate prize, and a insightful line of questions that produced a wonderful QUIKy ad…..

Well done you slurped 3 pros in just the first quarter… yet your still alone in the basement?

4 05 2010
Mike

RIP Nugable. I reran that from a Stab comment.

4 05 2010
Dale Maidman

Wouah ! Un blog si intéressant. Maintenez le bons travail et mises à jour. It’ ; s tellement dur à écrire tellement et pour signaler journalier. Mais je continue à revenir chaque heure pour plus.

Le bon travail, Nug.

4 05 2010
frank woodbury

In case anyone cares Mark and I will be stating a blog when he returns from getting back to nature up in the NorthWest.

Our blog will be loosely based on the South Bay lifestyle with regular profiles of various P.V. locals. Now that Mark is single and moving to Playa Del Rey he will be on top of every booming south at 3rd point and, in the morning when it is offshore, Drainpipe.

L.A. beware!

4 05 2010
The Grim Reefer

Is it time to dig a hole and by a tombstone for Mr. Nug ??

4 05 2010
Louis Iffer Samuels

Lol!

My torch of failure continues to spread!! I killed my own success, blew up LikeBitchin’, and I did all of you a favor and squelched that doomed travesty ‘Morris Ladipus’ before it even started.

I roam about the internets, like a roaring lion, seeking any interesting surfing blogs and devouring them before they turn complete hose jobs like Stab, Surfer-ing, or TrannysWorld.

I hereby relegate you all to the eyeball and mental torcher that is… Jamie O’Brien’s twitter page.

Muahahahahaha!!!

4 05 2010
Clit Eatwood

Just found this blog today. Looks interesting. I am going to come back every fifteen minutes for all your helpful updates. Good job Mr. Stan Nag. I will recommend this to all my friends in the chatrooms at http://www.prolapsedantrectums.com

Caio!

4 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

Hahaha… The End is Nigh is most likely Lewis Samuels. Either that, or Enoch Ward’s homosexual step-son got hold of his computer.

Have some faith in Nug, ye of shitty faith.

4 05 2010
Mark's evil twin Kram

As with Post Surf, the final days were prolific… pretty soon we’ll read the teary goodbyes and then Dave Mailman will take over and ride the corpse to 1000.

Anyone who missed that halcyon period, don’t miss the copy and paste of the ASP Rulebook page by page. No one rides a dead horse quite like Dave.

4 05 2010
Blasph Rottmouths Travel Agent

Dear Nug Commentors,

Once the coroner had completed the Nugable autopsy, I alerted the enigmatic Blasph that a contagion had taken his muse (nugable) and we booked his immediate flight home so that he could pay his respects.

Expect his lackey Enoch to check in soon with updates or check David Mailman’s Facebook Page which is being edited as I write.

Blasph Rottmouth’s Travel Agent

4 05 2010
Ugly Teddy

if jadsen really won a contest against slates, does that mean that trees make no sound falling in a forest “alone”?

in america it does.

5 05 2010
Mark

Just watched Laura Bush on the Today Show. She said her favorite musicians are Bob Marley and Jerry Jeff Walker.

Further proof that Republicans are very, very cool.

Except that Eric Cantor guy creeps me out with his gay sounding accent. Plus Lindsey Graham sucks too.

Sunnys heat is comin up! Man I love being unemployed!

5 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

If Laura Bush’s favorite musician is Bob Marley, then Michelle Obama’s favorite band is Prussian Blue.

5 05 2010
trauzersnake

Two weeks almost and no new post. This sucks……guess it was fun for a while boys.

@Mark-sunny is all washed up. Too old to compete with the likes of the geislman’s, etc. and aeriel surfing. He has zero chance of ever making the tour again.

5 05 2010
Things that make you go Hmmmm

Biggest recipient of donations from Goldman Sachs and B.P.?

Barrack Obama.

And on top of that we have Chris fucking DODD writing the financial reform legislation? The same Chris Dodd who took the provision that would not allow big bonuses to be paid to employess of banks that recieved stimulus money OUT of the stimulas bill then lied about doing it then admitted it later and is now “retiring” in November to spend more time with his family instaed of getting fucking TROUNCED in the mid-terms?

Yeah THAT Chris Dodd. But before leaving he will author the “financial reform” legislation.

Change we can believe in. Courtesy of the Obama administration. Are all of you fucking idiotic sheep-like surfers who can’t think for themselves still sporting Obama-Biden stickers?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

5 05 2010
Poor guy

he body surfs bro, so he most be one of us.. You will see,,, i have the obama pad on my board…..dont forget the nobel peace prize for the being the first black to graduate an ivy league school….

sidenote *****heard condor give MAILMAN a shout out at lowers.. dave seems to have only low/medium stream capabilities in the castle…

5 05 2010
Mark

@Trauzersnake

Have to agree. I was on the beach at the 08 World Cup watching 15 foot bombs strike fear into all. Sunny needed to get through one more heat and he was all but assured of requalification.

His first wave was a 9 plus scorcher and everyone was amping in the bleachers. Then as the heat wound down Sunny only needed a 2 or a 3 to get through and he simply could not find a wave. Rarick had a sick look on his face because, even though he had endured numerous confrontations with Sunny, he knew how painful that must have been.

I guess Sunny will have to settle for one world title ( albeit w-out Salter around ) and the most Triple Crowns in history.

And the priceless gem of all? Slapping the piss out of Liam on t.v.

5 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I would like to thank you, Nug, for providing some semblance of continuity after the demise of PostSurf. You posted some pretty thorough, insightful, and humorous things over the past few decades and left your comments sections open to whatever whim that tickled our disturbing fancies. I will cherish these moments like those times when I didn’t have to wipe after a magnificent bowel movement.

I will never forget the time that PeterPerfect admitted to paddling his boyfriend’s ass every evening with mongoloid baby foreheads… which eventually landed him a brief stint in county where he was thoroughly plumbed through all six of his orifices. And I was in tears when Mike told us all he secretly spends his evenings popping corn kernels in his nostrils to impress the chicks at local Applebee’s Restaurants.

I have many fond memories of Mark, but one that stands out the most, was the time he revealed the fact that his mother’s corduroy neck flesh smelt like old men masturbating in a ditch. Random? Yes. Truthful. You betcha.

Thanks to this blog, I have a restraining order levied against me by Alana Blanchard for the time I tried to smell her bicycle seat. I can still smell the mace when I blow my nose in the morning.

Thanks to this blog, we have been treated to Dave Mailman’s relentless cut-and-paste sessions that sounded like someone rolling Jar-Jar Binks down a cliff in a dumpster full of cheap cookware.

I will miss Perkus Tooth following up on the comments I fail to run through spell check. Also that one time he said something funny.

I won’t miss Lantern.

Elwood was truthful enough to admit that he’s old enough to be Jerry Lopez’s great grandfather and he surfs like a small woodland creature being electrocuted on a Michael Vick rape-stand. I respect that. The rape stand part I mean. Not being old. I could never condone that.

And to Jamon, Trauzer, and everyone else: I really think we had something special together. Like the purely platonic bond between GT and his anal bead collection. It will be sad to see this tapioca fuckwittery come to such an abrupt end, but sometimes sudden breaks are best for us all.

The one of whom we dare not speak also sends his condolences from his crypt in Trasylvania. He feels Nugs pain, as his own blog was very short-lived and very ill-conceived. If you want, you can send him nude Malia Jones pictures and bags of frozen peas.

Until we meet again, ol’ chaps,

Cheers!

5 05 2010
Elwood

What about the time that Mark took us to his local redneck bar down in Alabama. We are all sitting around enjoying cold beer when some huge 6′-6″ ripped redneck walks into the bar with his pet alligator. Before we know it he’s cleared the bar and spread the alligator across the bar top. He pulls the alligators mouth open and sticks his huge cock in the alligators mouth and then slams the alligator on top it’s head as hard as he can. The alligator fearing it’s owner doesn’t bite down. The redneck claims “If anyone else can do this I will give them $100 and buy everyone drinks the rest of the night”….. Peter Perfect quickly jumps up and yells “I can do that… I can do that”…… “just please don’t hit the top of my head so hard”

5 05 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

IT AINT OVER TILL I SAY ITS OVER YOU FUCKING ARM-PADDLING GUMBIES. I AM TOO GODDAMNED FUCKING YOKED TO IGNORE!!!!

5 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Brilliant Elwood, brilliant. For a small wooded creature being electrocuted, you have amazing comedic timing and wit. I was also unaware that you had visited Alabama with Peter…. things that make you go hmmmm…..

Enoch returns from vacation to knock the first pitch out of the park…. I’d say brilliant, but at this point that would appear to be rhetorical. Best of show Ward.

Mark, your comments above are….. right. There is no good side, the fix is in and your current employment status should have you questioning your past voting record. Remember, Money considers you road kill… we all are. Just ask the Louisiana residents ponying up for a 5 grand payment to give away their right to sue BP. And as with Sunny, he was a great warrior of his time, but positional surfing is dead and now buried.

I can tell our Breakfast sandwich is all yoked up…errrrr choked up and the tears are making a soggy mess out of the flavorless flour and egg vessel that holds the precious salted pork. It could be a serious condition, but the poor lad always gets depressed and nostalgic before dinnertime. Lucky for him, morning is only 12 hours away… a redemptive cycle if you will.

May Sunny and Nug hang together in retirement and if so, be careful Steve cause Sunny bogarts the joints…

Off to Applebee’s boys, the fat office chicks get easily bored and I’m desperate for attention. And if any of you do come across naked pictures of Malia, I’ll tape one to my wife’s bicycle seat for posterity. The gift of Enoch, always giving.

5 05 2010
Mark

i swear i am not joking. i am going to split up with my wife and leave california within 5 days. i am done. aloha

5 05 2010
Mark

p.s

ponto looked like north narra tonight.

5 05 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

The end of this blog is… indeed… a sad thing. My good friend and confidant for the past few centuries, Enoch Ward, has filled me in on the supposed end of another era.

Alas, it conjures feelings akin to a quivering back-pressured grey sphincter of a gravely intoxicated 364 pound convulsing logger, shrimp-hunched in spasmodic agony, white knuckles feverishly clamped to an ancient commode as the baying man-beast, crying face screwed tightly shut beneath his Billabong hat’s frayed bill, let’s out another Wookie bawl as a freshly burnt sienna torrent of whiskey, gravy skins, half-bitten sausages, Red Bull carbonation and nicotine sputta-chutt out of his swollen colon like angry bees belching forth from a hot polyp hive, bellowing into the chocolate colored water like staccato bursts of 50 caliber fire that is utterly un-tuned with the victim’s syncopated percussion-like thrashings against the gloryholed walls of his fecal prison.

In other words, this too shalt blow.

Mayhaps it is for the best?

6 05 2010
Mike

Blasph is right, now we all can re-connect with the real life friends that bore the shit out of us….

” So then my wife storms the field to protest the call at 3rd base because little johnny touched the bag on his way home! That ref needs glasses and has it in for our family ever since little steve was called out last year stealing second in the last inning of the playoff game and Debbie stormed the field. We drove all the way back to Aliso Niguel Viejo Mission with the car packed with crying kids while my wife yelled at me to take the “umpire class”… well I didn’t and this years altercation created a foul mood at home all day Sunday and she started to count the beers I drank. Fuck, I woke up the next morning and drove to work, never even surfed the whole fucking weekend, basketball tryouts, ballet recital, soccer camp, shopping at Target and dinner with the fuckwits that live across the street. Man the kids had better do their homework before I get home or she’s gonna blow a gasket!”

Seriously Nug? Is that what you want us to return to?

Laird have mercy.

6 05 2010
trauzersnake

Damn, Nug is like that dad that goes out for a pack of smokes…….and never comes back.

6 05 2010
Wounded Albatross

That made me laugh out loud!

6 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Getting…

….stale….

…so…

…stale…

If this keeps up I am going to roll my sad self out of the toaster oven, off the counter, down the backstairs, past the decomposing piles of 80s surf magazines and cracked, gutted VHS versions of Blazing Boards and Beyond Blazing Boards (Glen Winton, you sir can ride the barrel backhand), down the driveway and into the street, perhaps being run down by Donovan in his Eurovan, perhaps being punted by Peter Perfect on his way to the bathhouse, perhaps simply rolling past the corner store that sells the cigarettes, into the stormdrain to drift amid the trash and be deposited back into our mother ocean, only to drift in among the cigarette butts to a sloppy shorebreak, whereupon I will promptly be run down by YOKED SKIMBOARDER.

Only you, dear Nug, only you can save us all….

6 05 2010
Mark

Aliso Niguel Viejo Mission?

Brilliant Mike and maybe your funniest line since Nug’s last post which is a LONG time.

Hey Nug gotta question. Do you have a drug problem? Cause after all the hard work you have put in on this site it is hard to imagine that you would quit just as a 6 star prime goes off 25 minutes from your house in killer overhead surf with mega stars blasting airs all over the Lowers line up.

Anyway I figure the only answer is you are locked in a dark room hittin home runs on the ole pipe. I have no problem with that and would like to invite you to my home since I am alone for a week or two and am looking to get after it as well.

Kthnxbye!!!!!

6 05 2010
bp

nug died on the oil rig…..send your address for compensation…

6 05 2010
Randomrandomness

I heard a rumor that Nug may be bringing back his old blog:

http://thesometimesdailynug.blogspot.com/

TSDN was legendary. Some serious off the wall shit going on……

6 05 2010
Mike's paranoia

“wow, so Nug had a blog before… let me check this out…. oh fuck, I have to register?!?! What the fuck?! Money is always trying to profile me…. how often I buy beer at Von’s, if my medical marijuana card is updated ( don’t have one intentionally patronizing the black market ) voter registration and census…. So many ways to fence me in and Dane forbid entering the labyrinth of Facebook… Then the Mailman floats my email address to Spanish Facebook, fuck, they’re coming to get me..”

Mike rolls a daytime appropriate joint and puffs slowly on the sticky green…

“Calm down moron, nobodies out to get you, you insignificant pile of shit”…

Ten minutes later the sticky green creeps into Mike’s consciousness and he looks up to see Random’s last comment…

“Fuck, Nug had a blog before?… let me check this out…..”

Groundhog day, one joint at a time.

6 05 2010
Pete Smell

美しいnugable器具で、熱く締められて、彼の目が厚いarousalで浸る彼の心彼は彼の筋肉質の腕、彼の広い肩幅およthree inputsび光る表示に彼の皮を働かmeatfistせる彼の強力な箱上のオwet cockイルをマッサージした。

7 05 2010
Old Kook

Dammit Nug. Bring this back to life. I took too long of a hiatus from internet “fuckery”, so don’t you punish me on my return. Don’t force me to tell cute stories about my groms and how they’re doing in their own contests.

7 05 2010
Rodrigo Door Nails

Ο Mike σημείωσε τα γλυκά κύματα στη Νέα Ζηλανδία. Είδε τα pics και είναι ζηλότυπος. Διάολε είναι να συμβεί σε αυτό το blog; Το PeterPerfect είναι gayer από το συρτάρι καλτσών Greg Luganis.

7 05 2010
Mike

Ok, but he won’t post em anyway…

Agree with your second point though….

7 05 2010
Mike

Fuck dane got pushed…. the judging is fucked. Looks like god had a few too many Beers last night.

Owen is owning and if you can’t launch and land, you have NO Chance. Sorry Dingo.

7 05 2010
A.I.'s Dealer

Perkus Tooth just creamed his pants after that performance from his boy at Trestles.

7 05 2010
A.I.'s Dealer

That performace should be just enough to sucker Perkus into betting a bowl of dog feces that AI will win J-Bay.

7 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

Not sure about J-Bay, but I’ll wager he wins Teahupoo.

Incidentally, if Andy bows out in the lower half of the Top 44, I vow to change Drew Courtney’s Depends wearing a pink tutu and rollerskates while the Japanese Motors jangle loudly through my headphones.

7 05 2010
A.I.'s Dealer

Chopes and Pipe are his only chances to win… and that’s only if we get some quality waves. But if Trestles is any indication that he’s finally finding some consistency, then next year may get quite interesting.

As bad as AI has looked at times this year, it should not be legal on any planet for AI to be out of the Top 30 and Marco Polo and Nate Yeomans anywhere near qualification.

It should be medically and scientifically impossible.

7 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

Fortunately neither medicine nor science hold a candle to the wisdom of ages that is the ASP.

7 05 2010
A.I.'s Dealer

Right now I’m watching Duru, Aranburu, and Drew all in one heat. Talk about a doo-doo platter.

7 05 2010
A.I.'s Dealer

At what point does one get so inebriated that they name their son Wiggolly?

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I am naming my next band: Enoch Ward and the Wiggolly Dantas’s.

7 05 2010
Mike

Didn’t anyone learn their lessons in regards to “betting” surfing heats?

What?! Retrieving corn kernels from Rueben Stoddards anus with your mouth wasn’t enough of a deterrent?!?!?

Didn’t see it, but one good heat for Andy shouldn’t raise the pheonix from the ashes…. dude is pudgy, old and done. Jbay, no way. Monster Chopes might be the answer, but then he’d have to follow up with another Mushles result and head for shitty Europe ( seriously, can’t you just see him mouthing “I’m over it” watching Balko?)

3 time champ deserves better than a flame under his foot from the sponsor who poked him out of retirement.

7 05 2010
Mike

Wow, they tried to gift Taylor a hall pass into the next day and he STILL found a way to justify the nickname bonehead.

So much talent, so wasted.

7 05 2010
okole andino

Ace just raped me!!

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Ace Buchan should go to jail for sticking his cock in an underaged boys mouth in that last heat.

Well played, Ace.

Young Andino went to school.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Lol @ Okole.

Great minds and all that yadda yadda…

7 05 2010
An Informed Anonymous Commenter who surfed Ponto today

They wont be surfing Bakio this year dumb ass. Contest moved to Portugal.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Jadson should have had a healthy 9.5 for that air. That was a man-sized air.

7 05 2010
trauzersnake

Ace= Lawrence Taylor

7 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

Beach wildlife looks inviting. Waves average.

7 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

Andy looking STRONG.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

“Waves average.”

Perkus, you should stop watching highlights from Snapper, Bells and Brazil and tune into the Lowers Pro. The waves are much better than average and the level of surfing is a million times better.

Your boy is in the water now.

7 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

I know I know, I just like barrels better than airs. What can I say.

Andy a man among boys out there as of now.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

John John just laid down the gauntlet. Damn.

Sure this ain’t All-time Pipe of heaving Chopes, but for high performance surfing, this is aas good as it gets. Me likey.

John John.

Damn.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I can’t type I got so aroused watching that 9.87.

Grom’s got the entire package. Lookout WCT.

7 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

John John’s for real; still lacking a bit of fluidity between maneuvers, but he’s got the whole bag of tricks. Charges too.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I want AI to be on tour forever… if it means they show gratuitous Lyndie shots on the sidelines.

7 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

I’d rather watch Andy surf than the entire Modern Collective crew. No joke.

7 05 2010
John John Florence

Hey, ignorant commentator. Didn’t you get the memo? I’m not 8 years old anymore. It’s John Florence now. There’s only one John. That is why your commentator buddy keeps saying “JOHN FLORENCE,” really loud like, so you’ll get the drift.

7 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

Then why did your mother name you ‘John John’?

7 05 2010
John John Florence

See? Fuckers.

7 05 2010
Mark

Best 2 days of high performance surfing, in flawless buttery conveyor belt walls, ever seen in a contest.

My pick for 2 top perforners today would be Adrianno and Chris Davidson. They both had true down the line point flow and power going combined with VICIOUS, spray riddled, murderous HACKS over and over again repeatedly all the way to the rocks.

The question is:

How much crazier would the performance level have escalted to if Taj, Mick. Slater and especially Parko were thrown into the arena?

I would claim it as a historic contest at this point.

7 05 2010
Mike

Hyperbole please Mark….

Lowers has had better conditions for a contest over and over, stop slobbering. The last few years have been so fucked that today looked “dreamy”, but it wasn’t even A grade Lowers.

Not close.

Fun though.

As for your fantasy…. Slater would have killed it today. Taj would have blown up. Parko would have diced it. Mick would make Enoch proud.

Muscroft ruled, thought Florence is ready for the bigs and Adriano won a great heat, but Jordy stepped up to the elites which should make Mark happy. God looked hung over or stoned and is already back at the Dredge drinking.

And for South Orange County, the bikini talent wasn’t as prolific as it can be although one gaggle of pussies sure had as much camera time as any multiple heat winner.

Let’s keep the performance in perspective…. there was no risk, little lip and light heats. Good fun, historic not.

7 05 2010
Mike

My bad…. first I owe Mark a definition of the word Hyperbole. No worries, I’m used to it from commenting on Stab. Ah, he’ll figure it out.

Second… go back and read Mark’s imagery…. “Murderous hacks”, “Viscious spray” … pointless exageration of epic proportion (clue)….. and yes, 2+2=4, Mark is Dante.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

I have to respectively agree and disagree. First, I agree that we need to hold our trigger fingers on laying claim to “historical” for at least a few days. Secondly, the conditions certainly did not showcase Lowers at A++, as you alluded to… but for Laird’s sake man, they were at least an A when you consider the circumstances and the average waves for either the CT or QS.

That said:

Did you watch all the heats? Did you see the variety and relative ease with which progressive maneuvers were going down? Some heats there were too many to count… on one fucking wave. Sure Slates, Joel and Mick would have linked some rides together somewhat smoother… but tell me, other than Slater, which of those elite CT’ers that were absent from this event would have done anything more mind-boggling and PROGRESSIVE than what we saw today?? Puulease. What John John, Jordy, Dane, and even that rascal Jadson did today makes EVERYTHING we’ve seen so far on the CT boring.

Other than Jordy going crazy with the Superman + punt combo at Bells and Dane’s heat versus Joel, nothing even comes close to what went down today.

I would proffer this: Lowers in A conditions exposes the old school for what they are. Old. Irrelevant. Even AI’s inspired performance will be forgotten by the in years to come. What will not be forgotten is that the highlight real from today’s competition would stand toe-to-toe with anything in the Mod-Coll or Taylor Steele peddling… and this was done live.

Historical? Very likely.

Watch last year’s highlights. Watch Dane Vs. Joel again. The watch the highlights from today.

I would not bet Ruben Studdard’s fecal sandwich against people talking about this event several years from now as being the vanguard for the future of progressive professional surfing.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

P.s.

Owen Wright put on a Taj mask today and outdid anything that hunched-back could have pulled off today. No doubt.

No doubt in my mind.

Uncle Rico taught me that.

7 05 2010
Mike

Enoch, you’re suffering from Mark-itis.

Yeah, the airs landed were ridiculous and in the trough after full rotations, stoopid sick. With some, at will. Scary. Adriano’s brazzo heat was unbelievable, they all surfed insane. Even that jockey Jandre went nuts.

I don’t know who would beat Jordy today, that doesn’t make it the best contest in history. Soft, playful head high is not the dream. The kids can make shit go off with NO RISK, Soft landing pads and a wave that will wait for them to recover.

Visually pleasing, absolutely.

Go back and watch two ancient films…. Black and White and In the Wind. Kelly V Brownie for the NSSA crown. Well overhead, smoking wall all the way through and butter glass.

How about that year Kelly won maxed out Lowers? Today was better than 10 foot faces and real sections all the way to the beach? I’m not Mark so I don’t have the dates written on the back of my childrens birth certificates (Kenyan by the way), but I can recall more than a few A grade lowers.

It just happened that today was the trampoline these guys all rule. Open faces, not up to snuff. Should we all enjoy this cutting edge, fuck yeah. But lay off the exclamation points just because last year sucked so badly.

I agree though, Owen is the total deal.

7 05 2010
Mike

Oh, and Laird Dane sleepwalked 2/3rds of a heat and surfed desperate (overscored) the rest. Jordy will distinguish himself the better pro…. Dane’s already channeling Bruce and it doesn’t matter as long as the paychecks keep coming. Jordy wants it.

A lot of CT guys were buttered…. Saxon scratched his head after the scores were announced and made himself bald.

Jordy V Owen….. the future needs to wear shades.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Mike,

I never said “Best in History.” I said “Historical? Very likely.”

The heats you mentioned in those ancient films were epic in their time. I watched them a few minutes ago and they don’t compare, compadre. The conditions, yes, they were better for Slates and Chris Brownie. But we don’t judge a contect solely on waves… something no one but The Laird has control of.

The manouvers? If you put Slater and Brownie in the water today with those same moves, it would be embarrasing. And rightly so. Why should we be stuck in the early nineties? Thank the Laird that Slater has evolved since then.

The SURFING today was excellent and the waves were very good. Let’s not split hairs on the number pf pluses we add to the A that was Lowers today. Every single surfer interviewed mentioned how good the waves were. Even the fucking losers… baby (get lucky some time – like that no interference on John John earlier).

I agree, alot of the CT guys looked average and were pushed through like me trying to fit into a Magnum condom. That just serves notice that if the waves are good, this new generation is for real and those that surf like it’s 1995 are in for a Taylor Knox-like awakening.

An no Perkus, this was not run through spell check, and yes, I’ve had several glasses of whisky.

Fuck you all, and all that you love.

Peace.

7 05 2010
Mike

Enoch, I responded to Mark’s assertion that this was the best Lowers contest.

As in any effort, the period of any act has to be considered. Today’s surfing may have been cutting edge, but every era has similar iconic moments and todays waves (not surfing) were not iconic Lowers. Simple as that.

If these kids got ahold of full wall Lowers during a cranking swell, no one could argue the damage they can do.

I’m stoked that you’re so amped on this gig, we all need that and the bar is definitely higher. I enjoyed the show.

Greatest surfing ever done, ever. I’ll join the choir. Mark, pass me a Pabst. Damn, I suddenly want an autograph or two. Maybe a foam #1 finger. Lowers 5/7/10, greatest day ever in surfing. Perfect without Peter…. which makes it much less gay even with all the “pundit” claiming.

7 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

Absolutely. My dearest hope is that this rings the death knell for many of the entrenched WCT’ers. I have been patiently waiting, with baited breath, for a break-out day such as this that shines forth as a beacon on what we rightly herald as our “best” surfers.

Limits were pushed. Tempers were flared. Elation was stoked. And everyone who watched was entertained.

If every CT event was like this, THEN we would call it a Dream Tour. In fact, if today signaled the start of the CT season, then a good run at Snapper, solid J-Bay, heavy Chopes, muscular Fiji, and a final at Pipe would be something to behold.

Of course, we would need to get rid of all the judges that failed to give Jadson a 9+ for that helium-filled spike… but not everyone can be as pious a judge as I.

Today was a good day for professional surfing. They are more rare than a trace of follicle on Robert Kelly Slater’s pate. More rare than Mark’s mother ingesting a diet pill. More rare than sex between the missus and I.

Why sabotage a good thing, no matter how brief?

I am drunk.

I think I just made myself puke from all the good vibes. I’ll be back to my normal self tomorrow. I will also be at Lowers tomorrow. See you fuckers there. (I’ll be the one fully clothed.)

8 05 2010
Mark

Mike’s credibility is fading.

I didn;t say it was the best surf ever for a Lowers contest. I said the performances combined with the conditions made it the best 2 days ever in a surf contest as far as high performance goes. And I stand by my claim.

Besides Peter Mel pretty much said the same thing and last time I checked he has a little more cred than Mike.

8 05 2010
Mark

Did I just bond with Enoch Ward?

Daddy!

8 05 2010
Mike

Ok Fuckwits…. here is Marks quote, copy and pasted….

Best 2 days of high performance surfing, in flawless buttery conveyor belt walls, ever seen in a contest.

What conjecture is there about this claim? Best surfing ever seen in a contest?

My credibility goes through the roof when Mark assumes the bottom position for Enoch.

8 05 2010
Josh Kerr

If Dane had done that, it would be a 9.whatever..

ASP sucks big time!

8 05 2010
God

What’s the point on doing a switch stance maneuver if you don’t know how to surf switch stance?

an 1.5 in my opinion

8 05 2010
Peter Perfect

Andy Irons? What’s with the nines in his quarter? Is he supplying ‘Pepsi’ to the judging panel? A joke. Overscored by at least 1.5 points on both rides.

8 05 2010
God

overscored by 3 points, in my opinion!

8 05 2010
Dave Mailman

Doesn’t matter PP. AI still won the heat. Can’t wait to see what he’s got in store for us at J-Bay. Too bad he couldn’t wipe the Klingon. Would be a much more entertaining final with Davo vs. the Andy “Goliath” Irons!

8 05 2010
Peter Perfect

Sure, they couldn’t push him through that heat. Although they tried.
Nice to see Davo get his shit together.

8 05 2010
Mike

I think I’d take any of the announcers against either “finalist”.

Mob, yes.
Dino, yes.
Mel….. if he can shut up long enough.

Gabe kling, unbelievable. I guess it’s not incumbent on a Mod Coll bag of tricks afterall.

8 05 2010
Mike

Hey did you guys see Enoch on the beach? 8 foot tall and dressed like he’s bee keeping next to Mark dusting off a 24 pack.

8 05 2010
Mike

So much for the newest new school, Kling requalifies (??)

8 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

I like mangoes.

8 05 2010
Mark

A little short of historic after all. But good on Gabe Kling because scoreboard is what it is.

A big part of this story is the open ocean grunt of the surf on Thursday 5-8-10. We are talkin about an ideal combo power situation goin on.

How many spots in So Cal went off on 5-8 and 5-9? Seventy five spots? A hundred? And how fucking hard were the Pro’s ripping Lowers? I’m claimin best gougathon in memory. Fuck ALL who dispute that!!!!

8 05 2010
Mark

Sorry that would be thursday 5-6 and friday 5-7 that went off. I’m trippin.

9 05 2010
Mike

Mark, please return to Oahu. Your perspective is getting warped here and you are seeing mirages.

I saw medium sized Lowers that the pro’s were launching on, I’ll give you that, but the left was kinda fat and the right had no continuing wall to gouge well. Sure, some waves came through as always, but the air show was the most impressive aspect, not the on rail surfing.

Assuming I am right, and I am, what makes the contest so intriguing is that the one guy who had no air game and was shakey on his forehand won the whole damn thing. And consider this, he beat Jordy in the highest scoring heat of the contest! Heck, on his forehand he really couldn’t even get vertical on his “hits”, lateral surfing that took down Andy.

As for my Andy trashings, he proved me wrong. I’ll reserve comment again until after JBay on Mr. AI.

Every dog has his day and Gabe is everymans dog. Congratulations dude, you earned it.

As for Mark, how was it being Enoch’s bottom? Did you call him daddy before, during or after? You bear you, Marky, now go to work!

9 05 2010
Mike

Last Blast….

Andrew Doheny played a perfect heat biding his time and when he found the gems, he blew up. Fucking kid has game.

9 05 2010
Elwood

@ Markiketards…

Overall good debate and commentary on lowers… sorry I couldn’t join the mix.

Several of my observations about the enigma that is lower trestles.

1.) The obvious which we have gone over numerous times… a specialty event with fewer surfers over 2 days is the only way to totally max out the sites potential…. imagine a made for TV event at Lowers with 16-24 of worlds best timed with a pumping swell…. somebody call the Maloof brothers please.

As it was the best surfing was 2 days before the final day…. same story every year including the WCT event there.

When the last days have dying swell with low tide conditions it seems like power gouges prevail…. the last thing you would ever expect from a contest at lowers…. think Pancho’s only WCT final… Richie Lovett, Luke Egan, Freddy P., Ben B, and now Gable Kling have all won contests here….. Taj, Andy, Dane, Jordy, and the Goods have never won a contest here…. kinda weird when you think about it.

2.) This years, and every years, contest at Snapper and every year at J. Bay there seems to be a clear distinction between the Top 12 surfers and the world and everyone else…. that the bottom tier guys, wildcards, and WQS surfers aren’t even in the same league as the big boys. However, at Lowers it seems that they all mix it up about the same….. makes me wonder what is closer to reality…. how much difference is there really between Gabe Kling and Slater???

9 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I was there for the final day at Lowers. A big wah-wah-wah after the previous two days. Elwood nailed the Trestles dilemma nicely when you compare past winners. The final day has almost always been held in inferior surf. The Klingon may be a nice guy, and it’s touching to see a no-name person win a big contest, but I was almost tempted to drink a Red Bull to stay awake during his waves. (Don’t worry, I refrained from putting that poison in my system… sorry to kill you boner JO’B.)

After A.I.’s heat against Owen and subsequently against C.J. I asked a bronzed young lady and her significant douchebag if AI was being juiced by smitten judges. They each responded emphatically, “Ummm, like, didn’t Andy win a World Title?” I reaffirmed this and added that he had won three, in fact, and that CJ had also won one. The young lass then looked at me quizzically and asked “really, CJ won one in Surfing? That’s kinda cool.” Her significant douchebag, sporting Rip Curl hat, Billabong “Ed Hardy Wannabe” shirt, Quikie boarshorts, and what appeared to be Reef sandals quipped, “and there’s no way Owen should have beat Andy Irons. Although having tried to commit suicide a few months ago and maintaining an acting career while competing in surfing is pretty fuckin’ awesome, dude.” I started to stammer Owen Wils… ahhh, right… nevermind.

I came away heartened from this conversation knowing two things:

1. The judges are, indeed, in touch with the typical surfing fan – and recognizing this, employ their judgment of waves with the same level of IQ dexterity.
2. The corporations aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. As they have a built-in consumer base that’s more sheltered then ever from the recent economic fall-out… the amount of trust fund cock-swaddles and bleached out plastic bimbos roaming the beach will keep scarfing their latest logo’d shillings until China eventually sends their million-man army to end our misery.

I also came away with the realization that John John Florence can flesh-out some of the kinks in his young style, he will make the tour and relegate Mick, Parko, Bobo, and the Country of Brazil to relative obscurity. They don’t have a quarter of his progressive repertoire and the kid is already at home in heavy barrels. If he puts together the drive to be a champion (basically does everything the opposite of Dane and Brucie), then look out WCT.

I would say his testicles are in my mouth, but that would land me in jail and in some hot water with Freddy P.

P.s.

The judges did get one thing right, surprisingly. They nailed the 7.5 for Kerr’s pop-shove-it. Crazy move that was worth all those points… but one move on a mediocre wave should never garner more than that. So, props to the clowns in the booth for not honking their horns too loud on that one.

9 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I left out the big IF in this sentence: “I also came away with the realization that John John Florence can flesh-out some of the kinks in his young style, he will make the tour and relegate Mick, Parko, Bobo, and the Country of Brazil to relative obscurity.” And I also meant to say “your boner, JO’B.”

My deepest condolences to the fragments of Perkus Tooth’s brain that now decorate his basement.

9 05 2010
Enoch Ward

For the record, PeterPerfect was spot on with AI’s nines. The judges were obviously wearing their 2002-2004 goggles during that heat.

But I agree with Mike that AI deserved some props for a gutsy performance.

10 05 2010
Peter Perfect

Thanks Enoch,
BTW, it’s not AI’s fault he was juiced by the judges and he surfed about 80% of his former best. The last day was a total letdown. After all that high performance surfing, to have Gabe win is a total slap in the face for progressive surfing. He makes Fanning look like Slater.

9 05 2010
Yeah Bitch!!

400!!!!

Suck my giant, thick, hard cock you foul and miserable excuses for blog commentators. May you all be relegated to reading and commenting with the neaderthals at STAB.

Nug’s never coming back and PostSurf sucks balls.

The latest post over at PostSurf is pretty wicked tho…

9 05 2010
Mike

One justice served by gabe winning was the impression that the CT guys were getting pushed finally met it’s match… although several (taylor) were given every opportunity to come from way behind.

I like Enoch’s beach interview… so few of the crowd seemed engaged. The beach shots were hardly those of a tennis match or a football game. Guys like us were not there….. And the gaggle of girls “laying out” walked all that way to ignore the contest? I know why they were there, but why must my cynicism be so right?

In the end of Mark and Enochs greatest show on earth, the popcorn vendor won the contest in very mediocre surf. Those of us lucky enough to travel know that most Cali surf spots don’t hold an international grade and Lowers is no exception. A fine and consistent peak, yes, but hardly in the realms of Snapper, Jbay, Chopes and Pipe. Anyone can surf good Lowers if they can catch a wave. How many of you can surf Teahupoo? I tried, failed and paddled in in shame. That day haunts me, nothing about lowers haunts me except the crowd.

I would suggest that the proximity to the surf industry accounts for most of the venue appeal and the fact that the State controls the access rights. A photographic spot that invites progression because there is essentially no risk.

Here’s where I lose everyone…. Last thursdays stock crash was a manipulated test run. Floating an idea for a reaction with a quick prop back up for a gambling ring too exposed to leverage. Three card Monte where they ask you to place the blindfold first. As odd as it was to see good ol Gabe win a “historic progressive contest”, it will be collectively much more devastating to see your local bank close for “recaliberation”.

It’s going to happen, be prepared. Remember, you never thought your home value would drop or that is was odd that there was no income verification on your adjustable loan. Recovery is as unlikely as Gabe getting past AI and Jordy in successive heats and mother ocean wasn’t fixing the set waves. The banks have.

To conclude, let me quote Sir Lord Blankfeld… ” God bless you “.

9 05 2010
Lotis Sanders

Mike,

I know you have travelled all over. But when every single surfer interviewed after his heat last Thursday and Friday froths about how sick the waves were… guys that have been more places than even you… then I think you may fall on the wrong side of the “waves were just medioucre” argument.

It was the greatest progressive show on earth. Period. And there isn’t a contest that even comes close. Why shouldn’t that be PART of the criteria in determining a champion? You don’t see progression on THAT SCALE at chopes or Pipe. Every year those two spots show tweak here and there with barell riding. But in the end, it’s just a bunch of guys dropping in, getting barelled, and kicking out. Over and over. Should that be a part of the criteria in determining a champion? Absolutely. J-Bay is basically a series of big carves mixed with some barells. Over and over. And over. Should that be part of the criteria? Of course.

Variety is the spice of life.

I find it funny that you mention Snapper – which sucked balls this year… and where nothing remotely close went down at that venue that matches what we saw last Thursday and Friday. Both Dane AND Joel would have lost that “epic” heat at Snapper when you compare it to an in-form JJ Florence last Friday. Was it because Trestles is a more forgiving wave than Snapper? Who gives a shit and who gives a fuck.

I believe you are just a wolf in lamb’s skin when you claim you love the progressive side of surfing. I think you love Kling winning on a crappy finals day because he mimicks your hero, Mr. Fanning. I think Mick could have pulled about 5% of the manouvers going down on those two blessed days. Thankfully we didn’t have to watch him embarrass himself out there.

I’m so pround 2 of the last three World Titles have gone to a surfer who couldn’t keep up with junior high kids on a decent swell at Lowers.

9 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

I cannot speak for Mark, but Mark was not-so-simply saying this:

05/06/10 and 05/07/10 were the best days in progressive surfing history. Bar none. Period. End of story. Amen. Selah. The end. Enough said. Without questions. Salam Aleikum. Aleikum Salam. Finito!

Heaviest waves ever? No. Best barrels ever? No. Longest rides ever? No.

Most progressive? You already knew the answer to that.

The contest as a whole was not one of the best ever because it lacked some of those other elements and finished on a flat D note.

I believe ark was also trying to say that his mother once ate an entire living Narwhale. For a snack. An hors d’oeuvre, actually. She flossed with its horn and continued on to her main course… Andy Irons gunt and all eleven of Kekoa Bacalso’s chins. That took her several sittings, but she powered through it… Mr. Creosote style.

@Lotis,

Please don’t drag Mick’s corpse into this conversation.

9 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Mark’s mother is apparently so fat that she ate the “M” at the beginning of his name. To which Ark wildly exclaimed, “What’s next woman – are you going to eat Eddie too?”

Ark, never trust a woman who snorts kibbles and poops bits around your dog.

9 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I was also apparently so stupid that I failed to see the correlation between the word Ark and the shape of his beloved mother.

Gotdammit. Chalk another one up to missed joke opportunities.

9 05 2010
Mark

@Trauzersnake

Hope you had a good day buddy. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.

” I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one single yesterday.”

Kris Kristoferson

10 05 2010
Stephan

@Lotis,

Long time reader, first time commenter.

I would love to blow your “I’m so pround 2 of the last three World Titles have gone to a surfer who couldn’t keep up with junior high kids on a decent swell at Lowers” argument out of the water with the following statement: They (Jadson, Medina, Sea-Bass, Julien, Geiselman, Kolohe, etc… will shit the bed in heavy surf).

And then I remembered John John Florence.

Plus the fact that these other groms, though they can chuck shit that Mick, Parko and Martinez masturbate to in their dreams, have the time and physical ability to adopt the necessary cojones… then damn.

You may be on to something.

One thing we know for sure: Mike thought Trestles was average last Thursday and Friday. I, for one, would love to know what he thinks would happen if:

A) Trestles was at A+ conditions during those two days and what type of surfing would have been going down.

B) If you take your description and remove the words “and another round-house wrap around” and “almost like J-Bay”… would anything be left?

Lowers on a pretty damn good day, with no crowd (which is what the fucking tour is all about) offers something that none of the other venues can… apparently when you look at their highlights… progressive aerial surfing.

If you don’t like that, then just say it.

Aerial surfing will not always be the most progressive element in surfing. But for today? It is what it is. The future.

10 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Stephan,

You surely aren’t a Newb. Elwood? Voice of Reali… no. SmearnuttsJeff?

Damn you. I was about to nod off for the evening but you nailed the question of the weekend.

If Trestles was at Mike’s assessed A+ conditions last Thursday and Friday, and given the talent that was in the water during those days, what type of surfing would have been going down in your expert opinion? Mike?

Would it have been even better?

Would it have been worse?

Either answer poses VERY interesting questions. Ahhh, rhetoric’s. I will be sad when this blog finally succumbs to numbskulls typing retardation in heathen languages.

What?

Why are you all looking at me like that?

10 05 2010
bondi sucks

@stephan

FYI Seabass is a madman in heavy surf. It’s how he first got noticed, charging North Shore closeouts

10 05 2010
Mike

Look guys, it was a fun little contest. The rights didn’t line up with any heft, nor did the lefts really. I lived there in the early 80’s before it gained glamour status and it gets REALLY good. As in do anything you want, anywhere you want if you can… no more excuses, it’s all about you. Thin lips, soft landings and a shoulder that will wait for you to recover from your bad self.

I wish I could remember the year, maybe it was Lukes victory year, but THAT was all time Lowers…. which is inferior to both Rincon or Malibu at the same size.

Yeah the surfing was progressive. The 3 brazillians heat was rad. But you guys are gushing over head high, wrong tide, long lulls, poorly lined up Trestles….. which I call Mushels. Easy to watch, yes. Do I like airs, yes. Best contest ever?

The best part is you all enjoyed the show so much. As society dumbs itself down (enochs beach interview), spectacular will take a back seat to easy, convenient and free (of risk).

But because I enjoy all you guys better than my real friends ( until their kids grow up or they get divorced… which should be soon) I’ll join the party and toast the “Most Progressive Contest in History!!!” and its winner…..

GABE KLING

Although I am not a Mick Fanning Fan, He would’ve smoked Kling. As would Taj the hunchback, happy Joel or the King Kelly.

10 05 2010
voice of Reality

Although my associate Mike is caught up in your petty little game of what if’s Enoch, one thing I heard during the podcast is quite puzzling….

It was mentioned that this contests results would apply to the CT ratings… or that this one might not, but following QS results would. I hope that only refers to qualification, not championship. I could assume the intelligent position, qualification…. but this is the ASP and maybe it’s a way to hook the big boys into the small ponds as often as possible.

Why does the ASP have so many issues with independence? The CT can’t stand on it’s own without juniors, women and minor leaguers?????

10 05 2010
voice of Reality

And let’s get one thing straight tadpoles, Christian was landing functional airs at Lowers in 1988. Every wave. This wasn’t progressive surfings debutante ball last week, just the validation of everything Flame documented 22 years ago.

By the way Pottzaphiles, your idol only launched spectacularly and was “still camera” dependent. A video camera would not have served the more core division well as the poor chap had a bad habit of bailing after the shot. Landing was never a strength…more often not even an effort.

10 05 2010
Grant Shill

@V.O.R.

You are absolutely right about Christian stomping airs back then… even the rotational airs. I was messaging the commentators at the Trestles contest all day on Friday reminding them of this fact – but they only ignored me.

Christian definitely planted the seeds. Though he wasn’t doing it on every wave during a contest. I remember a couple airs he pulled during a contest.

That was what was cool about this year’s contest. Guys were busting out in heats that had major points and money implications – not a freesurf masturbation session in front of Kai Neville. It was also cool to see the guys blowing out huge airs as their opening salvo, rather than always waiting for the end section. Huge comittment and risk involved in going for the big aerial right after taking off on an glassy A-Frame with a long shoulder in front of you.

That’s the difference between this contest and every other CT contest, where the big shots start every wave with a big safe hack. The kids were saying “fuck you convention” and throwing it down.

So fun.

13 07 2010
Kelly

Mark, Please go fuck yourself. Thanks, KS

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