International Surfing Day

21 06 2010

International Surfing Day came and went like a dream that is forgotten after a second cup of coffee. The day proceeding the first day of summer was not exactly memorable, although the water was warm. Warm like a lightly toasted hot dog bun on Independence Day. Or a sweaty pair of September thighs. The June gloom hung around like a hobo smoking a hand-rolled cigarette, waiting for a train going Anywhere But Here.

Ah, International Surfing Day. Don’t get me wrong. The DVS Internet Beach Challenge is a fantastic idea. Who doesn’t want to make a video of themselves riding “the most unique piece of trash or object on a wave?” Apparently participants must send in a video of themselves riding the most unique object on a wave for prizes. Splendid.

I was up unusually early. A small, west northwest wind swell struggled too make it across the sandbar. High tide. The kind of day made for surfboards with absurd names like the Fartknocker or the Dumpster Diver. I borrowed a longboard from a friend. I have always held the firm belief that any “shortboarder” that does not ride a longboard a few times a year is doing an injustice to himself. Today I did my part.

It was also Father’s Day. Perhaps it was no cosmic coincidence International Surfing Day fell on Father’s Day. My father introduced me to the ocean and surfing at a young age. Before I could even walk. I will always be grateful for it. Like the saying goes, “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime.”

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305 responses

21 06 2010
Mike

My Father is gone, so I guess missing Int Surfing Day was to be expected.

Independence day is coming and Nug is pimping longboarding. Can’t wait for summer to end.

Good luck with the 909 next weekend Nug and god forbid, don’t ride a bike anywhere NEAR downtown on the 4th.

21 06 2010
Enoch Ward

Nice post Nug.

I spent Father’s Day prowling the coast for a new condo. No surfing for me. Our little writing crew got someone to bite on a script so we’ll be sticking around the Burbank / Hollywood area for longer than planned. I think this one may be the big one boys. No more D-list horror movies at the top of my resume. No more articles in obscure Sci-Fi magazines.

Nay.

I am moving right up the ladder to C-List baybay!! You’ll see me cruising up to Malibu next Father’s Day in a blinged out Escalade filled with hunnert dollah bills, bitches, and Power Balance covered Merrick’s. Forget Father’s Day… come next year, we’ll be celebrating Mack Daddy’s Day.

*telephone rings in background*

Me: “Hello?”

“Oh, hello Mr. Studio dude… what’s that… D-List to C-List means HOW MUCH more money??? Seriously? Dayyum.”

*Wah, waah, waaaah intones in background*

Uhhhh, so where was I?

Oh… yeah, so someone named a board “The Fartknocker” eh? When did naming boards after Jed Smith become so popular?

22 06 2010
Random Scrotumness

I just put a Power Balance bracelet on my penis. It hangs WAY straighter now.

21 06 2010
Cyrus

In the not-such-a-shocker-because-these-people-who-come-up-with-this-shit-are-fucking-idiots department, they also have an International Skateboarding Day which – you guessed it – falls on the exact same day! So many of these industry types who come up with this random shit do it for marketing. Some ideas are OK, some are beyond idiotic. I’d say these holidays fall in the idiotic category.

Nug, good to see you writing posts again. You were missed.

22 06 2010
Santa claus

I know all anyone cares about is presents from me!!! They have totally forgot about baby JESUS…..

21 06 2010
trauzersnake

Jed Smith? I thought the Fartknocker was named after Stu. Missed surfing day for the U.S. Open. Including Johnny Miller’s great quote…”I don’t know who’s leaking more oil…the field or BP.” Surfing beach/webcast commentary needs a Johnny Miller. But we all know that.

22 06 2010
Santa claus

Mr. miller is not getting a gift next year….

21 06 2010
trauzersnake

I’ve made a gross error. That model is actually called “the cum-dumpster.” Sorry 🙂

21 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

When it’s this flat on the East Coast, I just ride myself.
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I have said too much….

22 06 2010
maradona

This vuvuzela thing is good, I like, very useful, South Africa is good, good, yeahh… good.

22 06 2010
Randomrandomness

Yesterday I downloaded a vuvuzela app on the Droid. This morning I cranked that bitch to 11 and put it on my wife’s pillow. Vrrrrrrrrbzzzzzzzvrrrrrrrrr! Awesomeawesomeness.

Nugable is back?

22 06 2010
Enoch Ward

I am still waiting for Mark’s Father’s Day present. He’s usually late, but eventually he comes through.

*no ties this year, please*

22 06 2010
Enoch Ward

I would like to pass my ball into Maya Gabeira’s vuvuzela.

22 06 2010
ed

Was it a single fin Nug?

22 06 2010
ed

@EW

Since you’re getting Maya’s vuvuzela, can I get Alana’s vuvuzela all to myself?

22 06 2010
trauzersnake

All this talk of vuvuzelas is making it difficult to concentrate on work here. Fifth floor bathroom baby!!!! Best handsoap in the building. But upon leaving I always get the look of “do you work here??”

22 06 2010
Enoch Ward

@Ed,

You can have Alana… for now. The last restraining order the judge issue me for quietly pleasuring myself while I was mysteriously stuck in her bathroom’s exhaust vent has set me on the straight and narrow.

22 06 2010
mark

@enoch ward

Had a paternity test done yesterday. Turns out you aren’t my old man after all.

However the doctor was a bit confused as to the identity of my real dad. He would only respond to my desperate inquiries with a strange and somewhat disturbing question.

“Mark”.he asked.”Did your mom ever take part in a menage a tois with ronald reagan and butch van artsdalen”?

22 06 2010
ed

@EW

Well, you better be more careful when pleasuring yourself on Maya’s bathroom’s exhaust vent, you’ll not get in trouble with judges but most likely with some macho jiu-jitsu cage fighters brazzos. Because a few of them have the rights over her vuvuzela!

I’ll fully enjoy alana’s vuvz… for now

and ts is probably back to fifth floor

22 06 2010
Real God

Thou shalt not speak in vain of thy mother Mark, you continue to disappoint me. Entertaining Mr Ward by invoking your mothers promiscuity is entering Enoch’s realm and running from mine. I shall save your final judgement to your abused matron, with my final veto extermely ready.

And please Mr Bagel, stop abusing yourself for cheap sexual thrills. The lack of surf in your chosen home in no way excuses yourself from decency. You’ve skipped the line by adding the dreaded pork to your dough and although I don’t endorse a strictly kosher diet, I do condemn factory farming of pigs. Your middle is now salty pork, but your next life will be the screeching of hooves…. I can’t make that any clearer.

As for Santa Claus, your distraction of My christians hasn’t gone unnoticed and has been duly noted. An aneurism is just what your fat fuck has earned and I’ll make sure that you survive it very poorly.

Bad moods, I’ll show you all bad moods. I hereby degree an ungodly pollution upon your Gulf Coast! What’s that Judas? Oh, I’ve apparently been beaten to that punch so I’ll just have to switch to continued volcano and earthquake disturbances.

Now Praise the Me.

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

I’m sorry Mi…er…God. I am “extermely” disappointed in myself. Please fogrive me.

22 06 2010
Smyrna Mark

Maybe your coworkers aren’t questioning if you work in the building Tsnake…. maybe they’re just confused because you had pee drip starts below your right knee after you exit the restroom yesterday monring.

Consider their bewilderment a compliment and you have the entire secretary pool day dreaming.

22 06 2010
ed

Hey! Who’s that guy?? I don’t think he works here! AND LOOK AT HIS PANTS!! The goddammed muthafucker is stilling something!

22 06 2010
ed

someone stole my dictionary..

22 06 2010
Läird Hämilton

Dear Real God,

Do not forget your place in MY realm! My SUP paddle will swat your lighting bolts like Enoch’s palm uponst the firm derriere of a certain Brazilian maiden. How do you know my omnipotence? I have ÜMLÄÜTS above my name for chrissakes AND I can do bold and italics in my text.

Damn straight I pulled that card!

Now, bow down and worship me Real God, lest I smite thee with my surfboard that hovers above the water thingy…

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Screw you, Blasnochphaird Rotwarderton! You WILL share you formatting secrets. Dick Cheney will see to that.

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

and by “you formatting secrets” I mean “your formatting secrets,” e.g., italics AND boldface. It just isn’t the *same* to use those stupid asterisks.

PS, perfect skimboarding weather today.

22 06 2010
Läird Hämilton

@Jamon,

My Bible contains the gospel of HTML codes in the book of Google, chapter http://www.web-source.net/html_codes_chart.htm and verse “scroll down the HTML Tags chart.

Mr. Nug has been good enough to allow HTML tagging on his site, therefore it is your duty, as my disciple, to go forth and learn of me and my powers.

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

A new day has dawned! This lowly sinner sandwich has seen the eternal italic light…

PRAISE BE TO THE LAIRD!!!

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Of course, this changes EVERYTHING!

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel
22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel
22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Dammit, nevermind.

22 06 2010
Mark's DAD

I just spent the past six days reading every comment on this blog. Somebody has some explaining to do.

Regards,
Mark’s DAD

22 06 2010
Darth Padaratz

Mark, I have seen your surfing style… pay no heed to these other imposters.

I AM YOUR FAATHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

22 06 2010
Real God

Thou shalt not take my name in vain….. even empty calorie breakfasts!!!

Who is this Laird you cast upon me? He had better not be an agent of Enoch or I will rise the entire condo market’s value past his c-movie accolades. (Seriously, I know that I know all things, but doesn’t hollywood success mean anything more than so cal condos?) Just sayin…. but Ward can write his fingers to the bone and I WILL not read his “script”! And if I degree that collection of pages worthless, shall so will my minions at Disney!

And don’t worship these cheap itlalix parlour trickeries…. it doesn’t excuse poor content Jamon, and you, flavorless dough have resorted to commentless posts. Shall you burn in the toaster of your own making.

That is all my sheeples.

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

C’mon God, I was trying to insert a picture of a (you guessed it) Jamon Bagel, and I failed miserably. You should have known that, being omniscient and all.

22 06 2010
Mike

I recently enjoyed a week in Chicago.

On one afternoon, I stumbled into a skate shop and what did I see?

A whole section of the store devoted to skimboards.

Doesn’t skim boarding require… A. surge and B. tide? I’m not sure how you’d skimboard a lake.

Please someone (YS) explain this anomoly before I pray to Real God for assistance.

22 06 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

I don’t need no fucking tides! I can skim ANYTHING!!! I will skim your goddamned bathtube and my spray will be so fucking huge you will have to get your house pumped out by the fire deparment!!!!

FUCKING YOOOOOKED!!!

22 06 2010
Fake Real God

And as I saith unto thee in Brohomians 4:20: taketh thy shred stick and skimmeth upon all the seas, be thee regular or goofy, and throweth massive spray until the heathen white trash chicks take notice, and see that thine is the power and the glory and the Keystone 12+6-pack And so it is written, and so it will be.

22 06 2010
Pastor Dick Warren, Bareback Church

My fellow brethren, allow me to sing an ode to may Laird and Savior:

I was in meditation and prayer last night
I was awakened by a shining bright light
Overhead a glorious spirit, he gave me a message and you all
need to hear it
“Send me your money,” that’s what he said
He said to “Send me your money”
Now if you can only send a dollar or two
There ain’t a hell of a lot I can do for you
But if you want to see heaven’s door
Make out a check for five hundred or more
“Send me your money,” do you hear what I said?
“Send me your money”

Send me your money
How much you give is your own choice
But to me it is the difference between a Porsche and a Rolls Royce
I want you to make it hurt when you dig into your pocket
Cause it makes me feel so good to watch my profits rocket
Send me your money
Now dig in deep, dig real deep into your pocket
I want you to make it hurt!
We’ll take cash, we’ll take checks
We’ll take credit cards, we’ll take jewelry
We’ll take your momma’s dentures if they got gold in them.

Amen.

22 06 2010
Real God

Omnipotent Bagel, Omnipotent

22 06 2010
Real God

For the love of Me, didn’t any of you dim fucks take English in school?

Mark… intinadate?

Bagel… omniscient?

Elwood…. LOLCPTRZZZ!!1!

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Main Entry: om·ni·scient
Pronunciation: \-shənt\
Function: adjective
Etymology: New Latin omniscient-, omnisciens, back-formation from Medieval Latin omniscientia
Date: circa 1604
1 : having infinite awareness, understanding, and insight
2 : possessed of universal or complete knowledge
— om·ni·scient·ly adverb

Jeez, God, you need to lay off the stinky.

22 06 2010
trauzersnake

@God-
Look, this fifth floor thing….can I really go to hell for that? After all, you did create this rather large appendage that I carry. If I give Dick warren some dough am I cool? I’m a good guy. I donated to the Haiti Earthquake. Come on, pug…..I’m cool, right?

22 06 2010
Real God

One never knows for sure, Trauzer. I am nothing except fickle. Arbitrary plagues one day, combo swell and high pressure the next.

As for your appendage, it’s only rumor and that eminates from just one source…….

Kinda like my bible. so I guess we are cool.

Rage on Tsnake.

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagels Facebook Page Editor

Hello all,

Our page has been dormant lately and we sincerely apologize. Jamon has been battling a case of trichinosis that led to a bout E coli that infected the bleached white flour of his Bagel.

His recovery is dependent on a strict diet of absolutely no sodium…. impossible by dietary standards for Breakfast.

We’ll keep you updated,

Jamon Bagel’s Facebook Page Editor

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

And please feel free to show your support by donating to the Bagel Executive Exchange Repository (BEER). We take cash, checks, microbrews and malt liquor. Bless you all.

22 06 2010
Ruggles Regulars

Jamon Bagel rides a funboard and doesn’t paddle out in serious Hurricane conditions. Plus he secretly owns stock in Exxon.

But he makes a hell of an omelette.

22 06 2010
Ruggles Regulars

And when he watches The Morning Joe he gets really YOKED!!!!!

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Hahahaah, a “serious” hurricane swell in Rhodey is about the funnest slightly overhead day you can imagine. Pretty much ride anything you feel like.

22 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Unless it’s a Cat 4 making landfall, in which case grab your funboard and a roll of singles and head for Montreal.

22 06 2010
Enoch Ward

Rhodey?

Jamon sounds like he surfs in MY realm of the world… take that Laird and Real God. Fire and brimstone is where its at.

Btw,

I’ve been looking, to no avail, for the inflation device on my personal Real God®. Unfortunately, its just as deflated as ever… with its lips looking like microwaved raisens. So much potential. Alas, I will be forced to speed fuck the exposed electrical conduits of the second floor rental flat I looked into in Dane’s backyard today. Not literally his backyard. But, you know…

@Dane,

**call me**

22 06 2010
Enoch Ward

^^Dammit, now even Apollyon himself can’t even get his HTML shit togethah!

23 06 2010
Real God

Oh Jamon, you amuse me with the trivial definitions that I created for you. Who do you think created Latin anyway? Your insolence is that of a spoiled schoolchild. Ancient literary terms….. fools play in this modern world and I rarely engage flavorless dough.

Enoch, when I do inflate in your audience, you will shit your pants. Worse than if you bought that condo and paddled out at the Dredge on a good day. And praying to Dane will get you nothing but scraps, HE doesn’t hold any juice when the criminals are all in the lineup. Once again courting false Gods….. your dossier is volumnous already.

Mark please stop attending the worship sessions of ME. Your obvious alias’ bore me as do your “jokes”. In a league of big boys, you’ve assumed the bottom willingly (again) and we tire of your piss weak attempts at humor.

One last item concerning breakfast. Circumventing my donation process is equal to crucifying my son…. Laird. Your BEER fund shall be noted as that of the Devil and we all know Satan loves Jamesons anyway.

Now please boys, end this fascination with italix trickeries and false bravado. It’s time to start converting new Nugables for which I may pass the collection plates upon.

23 06 2010
Mike

This “real god” dude needs to move on to wherever the Lantern found a home.

A matter of serious business guys….

This Saturday, in a small country church in SW France, our dear friend Dave Mailman is getting married. The golf tournament is tomorrow and I’m pretty sure Friday will be an all day drunkfest, so today is probably your last day to pay your last respects to Dave’s life.

Dave, though I cannot perform the functions you requested as your Best Man, I can offer you my genuine congratulations and best wishes for you and your Argentinian Puma. My glass is raised and I salute both the new Dave Mailman and the old Dave Mailman! Salud!

23 06 2010
The Nug

23 06 2010
USA FUck Yeah

Yeah thats a way to get pumped to beat a team whose population is only 34 million.

34 million losers today !!!!

at the 1:55 mark a GOAT and Iraqi child were killed. (its ok it was before they were are ally so they deserve it , fuck yeah)

23 06 2010
Enoch Ward

Not to get too serious or anything, but I think this needs to be said in light of Mike’s sobering reminder:

This is indeed a sad day for all of us. We have lost such a great person. I think sharing our grief would help us ease our burdens.

Dave Mailman may have meant something to each and every one of you, personally, he was my confidant and pillar of ASP wisdom. I remember the first time he read my name out over the air at an ASP event… a name that has since been squelched by fate. I remember the first time I told him to put his finger in his fiance’s butthole. He is also the only person I could confide my hatred for Gummy Bears in. I could talk to him about anything because he never judged or scolded me. He always has some great advice ready for me. He had this trait where he could miraculously blue-flame bake a smore without singeing a single taint hair.

Dave was such a character. He knew how to be serious at times and he also knew when to joke around. As a friend he was also very dear. He always found time to be with his friends whether they were at PostSurf or here… and even in the real world… wherever that is. He was a very loyal and kind friend. He was also very polite; he was the kind of man who always copped to farts in the elevator and always asked before going knuckle deep on his lady friends. He could be very immature at times but that’s just because he was still a toddler inside a taut young man’s body.

I know Dave left lots of things undone and others that he never had a chance to start. But I promise I will continue what he has started and hopefully fulfill his dream of cutting and pasting every single ASP update into every surfing blog on the internet. This is just my small way of saying thank you for everything he did for me.

I remember our last talk together, we talked about Mark’s mother and how she could eat a fully grown llama from the standing position in under thirteen minutes. Dave didn’t like to see people cry, but that time Mike made everyone cry with laughter when he played Real God, made him realize that crying can be good too. We only talked about this as a joke and now I realize why he mentioned it, but he once told me he wanted to have sex with a small animal… just to see what it felt like before he got married. I jokingly answered him that I could easily arrange for it but I’d have to face Mark’s mom’s wrath. He just answered “that’ll no longer be my problem”. That talk happened just this last February. I sincerely hope Dave was granted that last wish.

Let’s just be thankful for all the special moments that Dave has left us. And with that, I hope that Dave Mailman will continue to live on within our hearts and minds.

(I apologize for rambling a bit… but I’m a little emotional right now)

23 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

That was beautiful, Enoch. I am weeping. God I miss him so much!!!

23 06 2010
Enoch Ward

@Nug,

How sweet was that goal by Landon!!!!!!!11!!1!

23 06 2010
Libby Rahl

Fuck yeah Nug! Thank you SO MUCH for posting this awesome clip showing what a piece of shit country we live in.

I mean can you BELIEVE the crap America has stood for all these years? Freedom of speech, freedom to choose whatever religion you want, freedom to protest etc.?

Fortunately we now have the Obama administration in place and everything is getting SO MUCH better! The economy is booming! And the federal government LEAPED into action when the oil spill happened and used EVERY SINGLE RESOURCE available to keep the oil from destroying the coastlines of Louisiana and Florida. Plus Obama didn’t even CONSIDER politicisng the situation and using it to advance his cap and trade agenda which would make Al Gore the wealthiest man in the world based on information that has since been proven questionable at best.

And it is fantastic that we have the president of MEXICO, one of the most CORRUPT countries in the world, welcomed into our hallowed halls of congress and PRAISED for his condemnation of Arizona’s self preserving immigration law when in fact his OWN immigration laws are FAR TOUGHER!!!

I give thanks and praise that we now have a President who is honest, transparent and LOVES HIS COUNTRY.

P.S. Mark sucks

23 06 2010
Randomrandomness

After a lot of thought I finally figured out what my newest tattoo will be.

I’m getting a Herve Villechaize tat on my right forearm. That’s right gentlemen, a tattoo of Tattoo. Best idea ever.

23 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

I used to hate you RR, but you have won my porkish heart.

23 06 2010
Enoch Ward

@Libby,

I think you missed the point entirely. But Lol’s nonetheless, heh heh.

23 06 2010
USA FUck Yeah

Just when you think this shithole country can get no worse, a group of AMERICANS decided to work the entire time they were on the JOB. Impressive.

Think about what makes a great futbol nation. Poverty, poor governmental infrastructure, etc….(based soley on the #1 ranked fifa team, BRASIL)

This could be the start of the YANKS rise in FUTBO, if only our country can maintain the course of self destruction.

23 06 2010
Mark

Randomrandomness is Nug. 100% guaranteed no doubt in my mind fer shizzle guarens ball bearins brah.

23 06 2010
Mark

I don’t know about the rest of you but if I hear one more boast from Enoch Rottmouth about buying condo’s and pimpin succesful Hollywood scripts I am going to quit commenting on blogs for real, sell my last longboard and return home to Alabama.

Seriously bro. You probably live in a trailer in the desert and work at a liquor store with David Eggers.

23 06 2010
USA FUck Yeah

you got nowhere to go!!! USA !! USA !! world cup glory!!!!!!!

23 06 2010
Randomrandomness

100% guaranteed that RRness can’t sniff the jock of Mr. Nug in terms of creative writing. No way, no here, not now….

23 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Hey now, keep it Random, or I am withdrawing my love.

23 06 2010
USA FUck Yeah

CAP ON THE WELL IS OFF AND OIL IS NOW FLOWING UNABATED!!!!!

FUCK THIS COUNTRY IS GOING TO WIN THE WORLD CUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

23 06 2010
USA FUck Yeah

Watch what oil rain looks like!!!!! now how do you spot the dispersants ???

World CUP IS OURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

23 06 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mark,

Who is this “David Eggers” you speak of?

23 06 2010
Kolohe Andino

David Eggers? Never heard of him.

23 06 2010
Mike

tear, tear, sob sob… That was beautiful Enoch, will you write my obituary too?

I have to admit more than a little pride in America FUck Yeah’s take on our current state of the union.

Who knew this site was so uplifting…. it’s as if I’m filled with joy and reverence for who Dave was all at the same time.

Adding in the patriotic message of gross consumption in products of death and even I, yes Mike can be a soccer fan for a day. I will tie both hands behind my back and will now place this small ball inside my mouth and run around my house celebrating dramatically naked.

What a glorious day.

And please Enoch Ward, sign a huge contract, scan it onto this blog and wash Mark back to Allabammy where he belongs.

As for Randomranomness, your new tattoo would be so profound if you made it an entire sleeve. You could have Herve pointing to the skies uttering “the Plane” as a US fighter jet releases “defense” missiles aimed at Treasure Island…. a supository of mass amounts of Uranium.

In all seriousness, becasue I know this blog is nothing if not serious, what could be more scary than being a small brown country who discovers precious minerals under your hut? America FUck Yeah, come to steal all your resources!!!!!

23 06 2010
USA FUck Yeah

AHHH dont worry it dont rain in CALI……FUck yeah

23 06 2010
Mark's Mom

Hello Nugablonians,

First off I’d like to thank you guys for making me somewhat of an internet legend.

Second, the USA soccer game was incredible. It was 90 minutes of foreplay and then in the 91st minute-an explosion. I knew there was a reason I love soccer.

23 06 2010
Enoch Ward

Actually, I was never really talking about Mrk’s mom you dorks. I was talking about Mark Mothersbaugh.

Are we not men?

We are Deep Throat (ers).

23 06 2010
Fake Perkus Tooth

Actually Enoch, it’s M(a)rk’s mom.

Now, if you will all excuse me, I am going back to jerking off to 9/11 footage.

23 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Man, the U.S. had to win like three times just to get one victory. Phantom call (plus offsides noncall) against the Sloves, then phantom offsides call in the first half against the Gerians. Gotta love the refusal to quit!!!

If they start ref’ing it straight, we could do things in this tourney.

23 06 2010
Mike

Oh fuck, soccer geeks.

What has the ASP done to otherwise intelligent surfers? Exposed them to soccer?

Turn up Devo, watch 9/11 footage while stroking your trauszersnake and fall about when a goal finally happens….

23 06 2010
Enoch Ward

I left you a present in your Inbox Nug.

No. Not THAT in box you perv. Pull up your pants dude!

Your email Inbox.

23 06 2010
merc

really, really good read. no, really.

23 06 2010
trauzersnake

I woke up encrusted in my own glue only to learn a goal had been scored. Aww fuck. We won the war in Iraq? Really? America…Fuck Yeah!!

23 06 2010
Mike

FYeah TSnake! We always WIN!!!!!

24 06 2010
trauzersnake

Even if victory entails a controlled withdrawl to save face by handing it over to a half-cocked police force while the place is still in shambles for the next 50 years? Where’s the golf resort? Did we get the oil? WTF?? FUCK YEAH!!!

24 06 2010
trauzersnake

Oh, I forgot….Halliburton is surely still there…FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

24 06 2010
smelly santa cruz hippy chick that has the black forrest growing in her arm pits

@trauzersnake

My comrades and I will burn your golf course down. Then we will ass rape dick cheney using our infamous “banana slug” dildo after which we will park our converted school bus across the street from sarah palins house and refuse to take a shower until she donates the evil profits from her book to the local chapter of “save the commies”.

Fuck yeah!

24 06 2010
Incumbant Politician (R or D)

Blah Blah Blah

I can’t hear you puny little citizens. Me and my friends rule the roost. Your pitiful little cries? They mean noooooothing.

Blah Blah Blah

24 06 2010
Mike

Love this incumbant Politician…. fucking breakfast has a great sense of humor.

@ Tsnake…. wouldn’t it be cool to pull out of war zones without mentioning anything to the Halliburton employees on the ground?! How about not funding Blackwater “contractors” and leaving them all there to the best intent of the Iraqi’s and Afghanies…. Don’t have to pay dead mercs.

But none of this will happen. Change became the same and the mineral rich Afghan countryside ensures a US presence until the resources are exhausted. Then we’ll claim victory and ride home victoriously under Hilary Clinton, President.

You heard it here first.

24 06 2010
trauzersnake

@Mike

Hahaha! that would be awesome…sorry guys, we didn’t tell you we were leaving? I’ve always thought the point of these two conflicts has nothing to do with 9/11 or terrorists, or WMDs, but simply to have staging ground to have Iran surrounded-both sides and its no coincidence that there’s probably the strongest naval fleet hanging around in the persian gulf all these years. Oil and precious metals are a bonus.

24 06 2010
Incumbant Politician (R or D)

I would love for Hillary to win the Presidency. Keep the incumbent legacy going. As if 12 years of Bush and 8 years of Clinton weren’t enough!! Hell, between these two families, who needs a royal family? We can come full circle back to the England we left many hundreds of years ago. All those useless savages we killed will mean even less!!

And you angry little villagers are powerless against us.

Powerless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(!)

24 06 2010
Incumbant Politician (R or D)

And like all good incumbent politicians raised in private schools while you angry villagers were toted off to the public school mockery, I can’t even spell my name right!!!!!!111!!1!1!!!

(!)

24 06 2010
angry villager with longboard

@incumbent politician (r @ d)

Your a barn. Get in in your fucking subaru and go back to vermont.

Fag!

24 06 2010
Amish Ripper

Incumbent Politician is certainly a barn. But it takes a village to build a barn.

24 06 2010
angry villager with longboard

Lmfao.

Could canklesaurus relly pull it?

Mike knows bestest.

24 06 2010
Enoch Ward

Hey guys. So… what’d I miss?

24 06 2010
trauzersnake

Angry villager w/ longboard is Mark.

True story.

25 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

You only know that because no other living surfer uses the term “barn.”

24 06 2010
Yeah, Beeeotches!!

100!!

May you all be damned to commenting on other surf blogs that do not tollerate anything bu ball licking.

24 06 2010
Mike

@Tsnake… 9/11 was a false pretense for both resource grabs (Iraq & Afghan) and yes, surrounding Iran was a strategic icing on the cake.

Have you heard the drumbeating for was with Iran? Sure you have. Consider Iran’s position…. virtually surrounded by aggressive nuclear powers. India, Paki, Afghan (US), Iraq (US), Turkey, Israel, Saudi, China and Russia a stones throw away. Ask yourself Trauser, why wouldn’t Iran want a nuclear capability and why would they be considered unworthy of such power? Their gulf has been defacto’d blockaded for how many years?

Read the Project for a New American Century and tell me why they didn’t investigate 9/11 properly and WHO made money that day?

As for the villager, the days of pitchforks and small fires are done. The real Frankenstein monster (Money) is immune to “little people”.

@Incumbant…. so sad to have colluding “royal families” trading off keys to the kingdom. But I like YOUR style and the new character suits you well…. allows you infinitely more material and exposes your intelligence. Now all you have to do is finish the tale of “Spoil”…. I love that story.

25 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

It’s not me…the true identity of Incumbent Politician remains cloaked in mystery. And maybe smells like Jamisons.

25 06 2010
China

WE GOT THE RIGHTS TO AFGHAN!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!

You dumb americans(seppo cunts) WE OWN THE WORLD NOW and dont have to use an army to prove it!!! USA FUCK YEAH>>>

25 06 2010
Usa Fuck yeah

http://www.surfsmooth.com/video100623/100623.html

I love how gov christ surveys the damage IN A GAS POWERED ATV,,,

HAPPY ISD USA FUCK YEAH!!!!

25 06 2010
STAB Editorial Staff

Hello Nugabullshitters!

How does our ass taste now?

We just sent some of our dudeular staff down to Crica to surf with Metallica!!! Fuck yeah, mate!! Beat that…? Totes didn’t think so. And to pile more shit on your face, we’re going to send Chas Smith to Keramas next week so he can surf with the surviving members of REO Speedwagon. You heard that right. REO Speedwagon homie. Those crafty mu’fuckers figured out a way to weld a wheel chair to a long board and everything.

Speak to our hand, cuz the ears ain’t listenin’!

And if you think we’re done there, you got another thing coming buster! Next month we’ll feature Derek Reilly trading waves with Peter Frampton at Sebastian Inlet. This will be followed by a topical feature with me, Jed Smith, ripping apart Wild Rivers with Peter Cetera. The kids just love our style. Probs I may even surf with a nigg… I mean black… I mean African American rock star like Randy Jackson in the coming years if I can totes find a way to hide my wallet beforehand.

How’s our ass taste now Nugablowhards!

25 06 2010
Impressed

What an ambitious schedule Jed, you’re truly leading your field.

Let us know how Keramas goes and whether Chas actually surfed.

25 06 2010
Randomrandomness

Please do your part to protect our great country:

Go to: http://blueservo.com/

Sign in and protect our border. This is not a political comment.

25 06 2010
Usa Fuck yeah

Thanks I have always wanted to see who brings in the POWDER for my nose… FUCK YEAH there he is !!!! HURRY THE FUCK UP MIGUEL!! ITs FRIDAY NIGHT>>>

USA fuck yeah!!!

25 06 2010
Mailman's Fiance

Tomorrow, Dave’s balls will be mine, forever. Or at least until I catch him blowing Peter Mel in the commentary booth of the Quickie Pro, France.

Muahahahahahaha!

25 06 2010
Sarge

How do i get in on that PARTY????

25 06 2010
Dave Mailman's Facebook page editor

Dear Nugables,

Could you all please agree to a moratorium of clowning on Dave Mailman. The effervescent Mailman is in his last throes of freedom and we’d like to keep his mind from wandering. His lovely fiance has issued us this command, and it is our privilige to relay it to you all today.

Thank you esteemed commentors, the Argentinian Puma will greatly appreciate your decorum at this mind numbing juncture between logic and pain.

Sincerely,

Dave Mailmans Facebook Page Editor

25 06 2010
Morris Ladipus Editorial Meeting

Derek: “Hello Chas.”

Chas: “Hello Derek.”

Derek: “So, now that we are getting close to unveiling this blog to the general public, what topics should we address?”

Chas: “Well Derek, I was thinking, we should start with why male surfers should wear lingerie.”

Derek: “I like where you’re going with this. I was also thinking…”

Chas: (interrupting) “Fuck it Derek, let’s just have sex and figure this shit out later. I coated my pee pee in peanut butter, just the way you like it mister.”

Derek: “Boy, I like your style…”

*dim lights*

… aaaaand scene.

25 06 2010
Kurungabaa Editorial Staff

Clifton: “WE suck too, Derek and Chas”.

Peter: “Any guy but those nugables”

Clifton: “Yeah, we hate those nugables.”

Peter: “Penny for your thoughts Clifton”

*dim lights*

…and action!

25 06 2010
Voice of Reality

What if Humans displayed Empathy?

25 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

That’s all well and good, but, um, kinda lacks detail as to the “how” part. Reminds me of the Underwear Gnome episode of South Park. Their master plan:

Step 1: Steal underwear.
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Profits!

It’s that Step 2 that really gets ya…

25 06 2010
Transworld Editorial Staff

@Voice of Reality,

That’s a little too deep for us. But we do like pictures.

And Brawndo.

And Money.

25 06 2010
Pandora's Box

Oh no. Now Mike has figured out HTML.

Laird help us all…

25 06 2010
Voice of Reality

No worries Enoch, I have no idea how I did that?!

Warm, sunny and flat…. but alas, my girlfriend Stella brought her 5 friends with her and I have my hands full, until my wife gets home. Then I’m not allowed to touch anything. Oh the humanity…..

And Mailman is walking down the aisle as I type……….

25 06 2010
Voice of Reality

Uh oh……

http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2010/06/25/96549/a-gulf-gale-might-halt-bp-oil.html

Really, leave the spill for 14 days?(!) Oh shit.

25 06 2010
Mark

Gotta say that, from what I can gather, Dave Mailman is a 6 star prime fuckin A Plus guy.

One thing I like about Dave is he has strong personality traits in areas that I, to put it bluntly, suck at. Dave can keep his cool no matter what and he doesn’t get all butt hurt like me when someone writes him off.

And Dave don’t listen to Mike. Just because he doesn’t have enough game to keep his wife interested in more than a monthly ritual done, most likely, in that begrudging ” if I fuckin HAVE too” manner, does not mean that you and your Puma ( Mike’s word ) can’t keep that train a rollin on into Premiere Obama’s second term.

Congratulations Dave. I will toast you tonight and pray that you grow old, fat and happy with your bride and that she won’t piss and whine too hard when Hossegor is vomiting spit clouds all morning and you miss breakfast, sleep through lunch, have another 3 hour sesh in the mid arvo and then crash and burn at Rock Food with your posse of pro ‘s and assorted hanger on’s until 5 in the morning.

Now Dave, in the words of the Messiah, ” JUST PLUG THE DAMN HOLE!”

25 06 2010
trauzersnake

@Mike-

Just noticed the run time was ten minutes plus….didn’t watch it. Had some snaps to tend to, If only bud didn’t reduce your attention span.

25 06 2010
Voice of Reality

Really Mark.

Glass house throwing stones might not be a biblical reference… Is your house made of glass or is your wife’s?

At least you’ve acquiesced into another term of black bush.

Ping pong.

25 06 2010
Enoch Ward

“…old, fat and happy…”

Hmmmmm. Where have I heard those words before…?

25 06 2010
Enoch Ward

…minue the “happy” part, of course…

Could I use any more “dot dot dots”?

25 06 2010
Enoch Ward

“Minus”

… I could use anutha glass o’ single malt, bahtendah…

26 06 2010
K-Ba Weekly Staff Meeting

Dr. Clifton: “Well mates, I’m plumb out of ideas for the next issue of our non-denominational publication.”

Peter Blow’s: “Uhh Doc, that would be non-profit.”

Doc: (choking on his mochachino) “Ah shove it cunt, I’m just checkin’ your wit you ol’ geezer. It’d be nice if the next piece you submitted wasn’t written with a feather on papyrus. We Aussie’s are knuckle deep in this new technology called a ‘typewriter’… so get with the times mate.”

Rebecca: “If I hear the word ‘cunt’ or ‘papyrus’ one more time I am quitting for being offended and downright scared of those words. Peace and love is what the world is all about right? I mean, in the bubble I inhabit, everyone loves me and agrees with every piece of shit I write. And that’s the way the world SHOULD work. It reminds me of that time I was walking my groceries home in their recyclable bag from the Whole Foods® market and group of African American men were strolling towards me on the same sliver of sidewalk. I secretly prayed to Ganish that a policeman would show up and show up and kill those gorillas and…”

Satch: (graciously interrupting) “Okay Reba. Take another sip of your tea and think of our precious Queen Mother… sooooo, anyone else have an idea that isn’t an exercise in retreaded collegiate pomposity and thesaurus exploitation?”

Lucky Al: (compact fluorescent bulb glows overhead) “I have an idea chaps! Let’s invite a few people we do not like, whose ideas are nothing like ours, and whose comments shake the very foundations of our paper houses, to submit works for us to ‘review’ before we ‘publish’ them in ‘our’ little magazine. Makes total sense, eh?!”

Everyone at the table: “That may be the best idea in Australian history”!!!!!!

(!)

26 06 2010
Voice of Reality

Yeah Enoch, like sitting down at a poker table where the other 5 “players” are colluding against you….

Funny thing is, we’d blow em away. Remember, the insults were always ended with an invitation, their turn so to speak. Rather pathetic in a literary sort of way.

@Tsnake…. it’s just a cartoonist doing his thing with a profound premise. If your “produce” gives you ADD, enjoy Fuel TV until your fourth beer calms you back down. How do I know? Well, one would think a real god might. In the end, it’s only some amusement that you missed.

Saturday morning boys, go get some waves.

PS. I’m mourning Dave M today…. by my watch, he’s 1/2 hour away from prison PST.

26 06 2010
fake angry villager with longboard

Is the k-ba staff accepting of septic mal specialists who can actually do backside floaters over the inside section at angourie?

If so then maybe mark should apply for a position.

26 06 2010
Voice of Reality

Underwear Gnome…..

Douchebag v Turd

Satan, Chris and Saddam

Teaching Kyle about Banking

The internet

Pretty much genius every episode

26 06 2010
entire staff at fox news

We blame the u.s.a.’S world cup loss entirely upon president obama.

26 06 2010
things that make you go hmmmmm.......

wonder if Ghana has any resources…. hmmmm…. maybe we should have a look see. soccer losses are forgotten easily, thanks for reminding US to keep our eye on your stuff G.

27 06 2010
Dave Mailman's Testicles

Anyone seen us lately? We are harder to find than Bin Laden.

27 06 2010
things that make you go hmmmmm.......

How fucking good was today anyway?

Fuck.

America Yeah.

28 06 2010
Grote Turkeylips, The Elder

I stuck my wee wee in a toaster once.

28 06 2010
Mark

If Brazil wins the World Cup Adrianno wins J-Bay.

Signed, sealed and delivered.

28 06 2010
Mark

And how about Julian Wilson defeating Nat Young in gorgeous point surf in Sri Lanka?

Come on Nug. You are letting some of the feel good stories of the year slip on by.

And gotta say if Nat had made that floater he would have got a 9.5. The kid is gonna go twice as far as Gally or Repogle and has major class as well as the articulation of a 4.0 gpa college junior compared to the typical California teenage robot contest clone.

Go Nat!

30 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

I just wanna say that whoever automatically rates Mark’s comments with a thumbs down is just plain mean.

28 06 2010
Mike

@ Mark…. I saw some of the Sri footage, looked really wobbly. But you thought shoulder high, inconsistent lowers was the greatest show on earth, so….

Have to visit the OC Wednesday…. had a look see on surflie.com….. fuck, another contest at the pier. Senor Nug, how many contests do they hold at the pier? Is it EVERY weekend? And Lowers, how about that?

Maybe the contest thing has gotten out of hand. Volcom this, 56th Rodeo that.

Nat is a 4.0 junior in college? Does he pronounce contests…. connest? All the junior hype, the kids are being pimped for free merch. Let’s just hope that the SCMethademic doesn’t infect the kid.

28 06 2010
Mark

@Mike

Your comment exposes extreme lack of KNOWLEDGE. And HOPE for the future.

Can’t focus right now. Watching Strasberg work magic against the Braves.

And btw Mike 80% of the worlds best surfers were heaping praise on the wave quality at Lowers. How do you measure up against the worlds best?

28 06 2010
Mike

@Mark

I’m taller and fatter than ANY pro, that’s how I measure up to jockey’s too.

One arguement that has held surfing “journalism” back is unwritten reverence one must have of those pimping the most corporations. Listen to the broadcasts, non stop love fest, everyone’s a bro who wants to meet Mark.

How would a top surfer or an ASP employee fare under a scrutiny not shaded by commerce’s best interest? The “media” is essentially commercial advertising, perpetual.

So informing me of a percentage of puppets who believe what you “believe” is make believe Mark. Just like church. The bully on the pulpit tells you what you should think and walla…. “belief”.

Where I am going with this, I don’t know and I haven’t even sucked my first Stella for the night…..

Oh yeah, that fucking wasn’t good Lowers for the most part. Guys were blowing up junk with little concern for length of ride because there wasn’t any.

And I am not a Fanning apologist either. He would have beaten Dave Kling!

Sorry Enoch, you’ve probably enjoyed not thinking about white lightning for what, two months?

28 06 2010
Poop Platter

Mike reminds me of my grandpa, god rest his soul. It was always better back in the day. The surf was better. The people were better. And shoots, they may have only lived for 50-60 years max, but at least they didn’t breathe pollution and wear clothes with logos on them and drive SUVS. Wonder what he would be doing today if there weren’t technological advances (with profit as incentive) to create things like SUV’s, modern surfboards, cheap clothes, and wetsuits. Oh yeah, without that technology, he’d be dead like everyone else who tried like pigs to live past 60 before the Industrial Revolution. Too bad his old foe’s global cooling, Reagan and chicken little aren’t around to join in his chorus of ‘money’ as evil. Last I checked, he wasn’t selling all he had to follow his personal jesus’… Karl Marx, Lenin, or Kim Jong Ill. Same gods, different misplaced faith.

My point?

I don’t have one. I’m just fucking bored since that cunt Nug can’t post anything new.

P.s.

That Trestles contest Mike and Mark refer to was the best professional surfing contest of this year… and nothing else should be mentioned in the same breath. Definitely not the best waves of all time, but the surfers were tearing shit up. If I anted to watch the best waves, I would sit and watch empty Pipe or Chopes over and over with no one on it to fuck up the zen. Instead, I choose to watch humans surf the best waves nature has to offer at any given time, to the best of their abilities. Trestles delivered both – big time delivery on the abilities portion.

P.p.s.

No one has missed Mick Fanning for the last two months. Slater, Jordy, Dane, Parko, and Neco Padaratz? Hell yes.

29 06 2010
Enoch Ward

Right or Left.

When neither the left knoweth what the right doeth.

Politiks.

Choose a side. Choose a power.

I believe in simplicity. I believe in George Washington, Cthulhu, Laid Hamilton, and Alana Blanchard’s butthole. In order to keep some semblance of sanity in a world that is disintegrating from crust to core, one must maintain a perspective on the simpler things.

First, George Washington turned down the offer to be anointed King of the New World. Amidst a groundswell of propaganda, promotion, and pious calls for promotion, this mu’fucka said: “speak to my pimp hand bitches ‘cuz mah ear ain’t listenin’.” He then commenced to eatin’ out Martha whilst leaving nary a splinter in her forested cunny. Simply well played general… well played.

Second, Cthulhu is the most malignant, rotten, and abominable creature to ever rise from the sea since the last time Mark’s mother emerged from a quick dip in Miami last week. Simply horrific in each and every blackened sense of Lovecraft’s words. And therefore, I am in love with this behemothian pox on mankind.

Third, Laird Hamilton once buttfucked the Queen of England just to lighten the Pope’s spirit’s when his oxycontin supply ran dangerously low. It may be a simplistic view of The Harlot’s current social standing, but apropos, nonetheless. Plus, shit’s all good now that said buttfucking made Wayne Rooney choke on his own testicles against ze fourth reich of Nazi cocksuckers.

And lastly, Alana. I would kidnap her favorite puppy, give it a long and happy life… then exactly one year after it died of natural causes I would drop its desiccated carcass down her chimney and chase it with a Red Bull fueled diarrhea burst while listening to recorded Dave Stansfield ASP booth commentary via vintage Sony AM/FM Walkman.

Because I’m classy like that.

Pretty simple really.

Simple strokes for simple folks.

29 06 2010
Enoch Ward

I meant “Laird.”

I will now commit seppuku in obeisance to His commands.

29 06 2010
Mike

Surflie posted the finals video…. looks like decent Cabo. Julian had a hard time squaring up with the lip and Nat fell on a big floater. So impressed Mark, why don’t you book a trip?

Pooper Platter… there was debate here about the Lowers event. Best surf EVER. I apologize for having enough experience to discern quality.

But Pooper Platter does make a point. My gen was lucky to avoid the longboard era and enjoyed empty surf with relatively new equipment… minus the SUV’s PP’s so infatuated with.

What makes us sound like grandpa’s is we MADE our own boards and went through dozens a year searching for the right combo. An era of discovery that is impossible to explain to someone like you who buys off the rack a machine ladled DHD or AM. There’s nothing wrong with well researched boards, but YOU’RE not doing the research.

Take that one step further…. Recent generations have become fashionably obsessed with our era. The 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s are trotted out as fresh and edgy because the current generation has no vision other than our past. Don’t believe me? Look at Hollywood recycling shitty TV into Movies. How about retro boards? (we ditched them as soon as we learned… never to return).

Maybe guys like me aren’t so retrospective. Maybe guys like me want this generation to contribute something that will effect us all positively. Just like we did without even knowing it. We just wanted to surf better and thought for ourselves.

Ok Pooper…. try to contribute something without the consideration of a $.

Grandpa Mike

29 06 2010
A curious observer

Just curious.

What does Mike contribute to surfing besides lecturing eveyone on the internet as to how they don’t know shit about shit yet he is an expert on everything?

And by the way Mike. Do you get paid money to do your job? Do you pay money to buy surfboards? How about boardshorts? I doubt that you sew your own. Which brand do you wear? Hurley? Billabong?

And how many $6,000 Mentawai boat trips have you taken Mike? I guess you had to earn that dirty money somehow huh. Probably a trust fund ex Newport cunt that now claims Nor Cal status all the way from the frigid hinterlands of… Santa Barbera?

We need to contact Don Corleon or Eddie Rothman. Mike needs his fingertips removed so he can longer spew his elitist vomit all over Nug’s precious website.

29 06 2010
marlon

To the commenters hear,

Just read thru all these comments from the past 2 posts. Wut is ur obsession with all these other surf blogs? Stab & K-Baa rule. So do Chas & Derek and they will sho u all wassup when Mozladipus opens cans o wup ass on u haters. Wut, just because they R better than u means u have to be haters? Just b/c they r more popular than u then u have 2 hate so much?

U all shuld take a chill pillz brah. Making fun of other surf blogs is dumb. What did they do 2 U? I luv 2 read those other blogs. So wut?

Fuck off haters!

29 06 2010
Mike

Curious needs some blood pressure meds.

Except you’re right about everything except that I do have my trunks sewn… from a late 80’s billabong template. You won’t find a label in my clothing.

As for being a newport cunt, I did acclimate well to that environment, Mark, thanks for noticing.

And please Curious, read Marlon’s comment and tell me what the future looks like if even spelling is a forgotten art. Dude is seriously inept and not alone.

29 06 2010
trauzersnake

@Marlon

After going through the lengthy and excruciating process of deciphering your ebonic code….I have to concur with Mike that you are seriously inept.

kthxbye!

29 06 2010
Enoch Ward

@marlon,

Shouldn’t you just go by your real name: Jamie O’Brien?

29 06 2010
trauzersnake

I miss Seaman Staines.

29 06 2010
SmyrnaJeff

I miss Dante,

29 06 2010
SMyrna Jeff's Diaphram

Fuck Dante, he turned me into a crispy creme donut last time he went campin with Jeff.

29 06 2010
SMyrna Jeff's Diaphram

Glazed that is….

I’m so fucking scared, I forgot the punch line.

29 06 2010
Poop Platter

But Mike you missed my point. Your (my) generation plundered the planet’s resources in those golden years of empty waves while thinking a) the planet was headed into an ice age. b) there would be no consequence for free love (think: AIDS). c) socialism was the new “In” thing and “Democracy” was a fading ideal.

Hmmmmm.

Fast forward to today. While Marlon certainly represents a massive amount of this current generation’s ineptitude, did we really do much better? I mean, what did we contribute? Some great music for sure. But at what point do we concede that socialism is doomed as long as mortal men are in charge, people are not inherently good (think: the most primitive cultures we know of today either pray to rocks, still value human slavery, or eat themselves… the ever so noble savage), and that predicting the weather over the next few centuries when we have no fucking clue what the weather will be like next week may not be a good way to dictate domestic and foreign policies that effect the common man far more greatly than they do the elite bureaucrats.

I think we can see eye to eye on some things, as I can surmise that you are a smart guy from the comments I have read so far. I just think our generation committed sins we aren’t willing to cop to that a just as egregious as the shit being committed by a further dumbed down public. And why shouldn’t they be? They were raised by our generation.

But the fucking music did rule though, eh!?

29 06 2010
Poop Platter

“…willing to cop to that WERE just as egregious…”

Fucknut.

29 06 2010
Poop Platter

Marlon,

I have read those blogs before. And while they may be more professional and polished, offer nothing like what I’ve seen here. I was a fan of PostSurf for many months, got transferred for work, lost touch, and figured that climate was dead. Nug seems to carry on in a similar manner. Posting some good thoughts from time to time, and letting his readers banter on intelligently, out of left field (think: BR and now Enoch), politically (think: Mike and Mark), and the rest who ebb and flow through here… all without being chained to the radiator of fear that has engulfed the world of surf blogging.

You may not like the “hating,” but you have to admit, this ain’t your grandma’s blog anymore. Put on some pull-ups and join the fun, rather than shit your diaper and run back to the safety of sponsor-fed rubbish or gestapo-like moderation and mediocrity.

Your choice.

29 06 2010
SmyrnaJeff

Mark told me that he thinks Poop Platter is really Nug just trying to channel a claim back at himself.

I told Mark that I didn’t have time for his conspiracy theories. Too busy trying to get Marco Rubio’s campaign back on track to defeat Charlie Crist. And watching as the oil slowly moves eastward.

29 06 2010
Poop Platter

SmyrnaJeff,

If you want me to continue the charade of you being Mark’s friend, then fine. Nug will tell you that I am not he. The only conspiracy I see right now, is the apparent gun being held to Nug’s head that keeps him from posting more thoughts, pictures, videos, etc. I mean, it’s not like he has much to compete with for content out there.

30 06 2010
stego

when´s Jbay??

30 06 2010
Mike

I love how Smyrna Jeff is using “protection” from pregnancy…..

Don’t remember Poop from the halcyon days of Post Surf, but the Nug does have a free forum happening which has it’s good days and it’s bad. What’s interesting about the corpo sites is that they try so hard to be edgy, then pull back the reigns once they inspire the comments.

As much as I may read like a back in the day nostalgic fuck Platter, I’m not. I had a blast, that is true. I still listen to Led Zeppelin and Band of Gypsy’s in my car, true. And anyone who survived that day knows there was little “free” love… interactions with most women is hardly free, especially sex. They are hardwired differently, as you know.

I’m struggling to find the optimism in a future that only considers Money.

Why is society still so dependent on the internal combustion engine (oil)? Isn’t it mortifying from an engineering perspective to be so locked into such a fucked up paradigm? If the computer industry was that lazy, none of us would be writing on these desk top libraries, not to mention hand held devices of ridiculous potentials.

I ride oil. I drive with oil. I fly to surf. My world is plastics. That oil spil is my fault. I accept that and the only way to combat that is to fight with the only thing that oil respects, Money.

Clown me Poop, but it really is as simple as Money v Humanity. And Money is winning… the financial reform bill is the latest victory against you and I. Iran is being targeted, humanity loses again. Afghan announces minerals…. oooopppssss, now the bully will never leave.

But don’t worry Smyrna, you won’t get pregnant.

Now if you don’t mind, the tide is pushing and it’s been a damn good week, gotta go have another baptism and wash away all my sins…..

30 06 2010
Enoch Ward

I remember someone going by the name Poop Platter or Poop something or other at PostSurf… but like the golden days he and Mike are talking about, it’s all just a blur to me.

As much as the right wing likes to go on with watered down interpretations of Darwin as a way to naturalize and hypostatize (and thus remove from critique) their artificial program of violence and war, the fact of human existence is actually quite opposite – people co-operate much more than they compete. The proof is society. If it were the opposite, society would never have been able to exist – people would have hunted each other down, preventing socialization. There has to be a preference for co-operation in order to accumulate enough trust in order to survive.

When there is a “weed” of militarism, it may rule for some time, even at a large scale, but it eventually collapses due to its own violence and internal contradictions that lead to a catabolic failure of its means to secure resources. History is often a record of just such failures. The invasions of Iraq are a classic example of this kind of imperialism. What sets it apart as a war of hyper-imperialism is that it was clearly done for the sake of oil companies that don’t necessarily have a defensible geography or an actual human polity – the cooperation only exists to profit. If they can sell oil to someone for more than what the USA can pay, they will, leaving the USA with thousands of dead soldiers and trillions of dollars of debt.

Hence, the politicians form teams. The teams use their misguided and misdirected sensibilities of honor and kinship (which is abstracted into nationalism) in order to make their lives easier with more resources.

Grunt marines get their asses blown off for the sake of the Imperialists who are simply the political tools of the corporate state. The corporations, since they are not really people but merely collections thereof, naturally display the lowest and simplest denominators of human behavior, and therefore act as psychotic, paranoid, sociopathic murderous lunatics.

The corporation, as a creature of co-operation and hegemony, take advantage of co-operation, and naturally trend towards monopoly, which is the ultimate in co-operation.

See? All tied up with a pretty red, white and blue bow. Politicians, be they left or right, are merely cocksuckers with access to weapons. I think P.J. O’Rourke said that. But both sides are ultimately dupes of the corporate state.

Now, someone bring me a goat… I’m horny.

30 06 2010
Voice of Reality

Who knew Enoch was so profound? Politics and sport in the same week EW? Wow, diverse in his genius, hiding until now.

The theory of co-operation…. hmmmm……

As for the goat, do any of you know why Arabs wear robes?

Sheep can hear a zipper from 150 yards.

I assume you meant sheep Enoch, much fluffier and female.

30 06 2010
mark

@enoch ward

That was a real page turner bro.

30 06 2010
trauzersnake

Silent robes…….crowded elevators……..hmmmmmm.

Pretty sure he meant goat.

30 06 2010
Enoch Ward

My wife asked me a few minutes ago what movie she and girlfriends should watch tonight: Night and Day or Twilight.

My response?

Why don’t you just wash your eyes out with lye and not worry about seeing light ever again.

She didn’t find that as humorous as I did.

…back to my Jamison.

**glub, glub, glub**

30 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Ghana is our daddy. I have had to accept that. Now life can go on, not the same as before, but ah, Go Argentina!

30 06 2010
Perkus Tooth

Jameson, not Jamison.

30 06 2010
John John Florence

Unless of course he was referring to the young man he “mentors” every other Saturday.

30 06 2010
Enoch Ward

So Jamon Bagel was Perkus Tooth and Laser all along?

Or should that have read Fake Perkus Tooth.

Either way, get back to tuggin’ schween to 9/11 footage you ol’ coot.

30 06 2010
mark

@fake vermont soccer fan who pretends to be an environmentalist

Come on out west for this next south swell.I will kick a fucking goal
right through your windshield in the lot at windansea.

30 06 2010
Dr Pheel

Mark,

I sense some pent up anger in your last post.

I realize christian groups like the Bird Rock Boys are a very attractive social scene. Their message of exclusivity, piety and penance are of universal appeal, uniquely christian.

Please don’t turn into a hooligan over a game without hands.

Now son, talk to me…..

Dr Pheel

30 06 2010
Perkus Tooth

I admit to being Lazer, but I’ll be damned if I’m mistaken for some third-rate eggs Benedict.

When did ol’ Nug decide return to his blogging?

30 06 2010
Who the fuck is...

Livingston Crivelli?

30 06 2010
Cali Girls Wet Pussy

drip, drip

30 06 2010
trauzersnake

A game without hands is no game to me.
Oil is the crack that makes the world go round. It wa s cool when WE were the only consumers. From leaf blowers to delivery trucks, to the wetsuits we wear, to global hedge funds. Now throw in a couple of billion chinks and indians getting in the act- and it’s the ultimate vicious circle.

Watching this gulf tragedy, the technology to drill more than THREE MILES under sea and land is amazing. Saudi Arabia? Who taught these camel jocks to drill? In their own best interest. Like teaching indians to drink whiskey?? Sure, Iran was cool when the Shah was in power, drill baby drill. Until this islamic revolution and Saddam Huessein got in the way. Inconvienence. Those hostages started great propaganda….and those vast fields are still there, in fact they stretch ALL THE WAY TO AFGANASTAN.

9/11 was no inside job, it was a by-product. A horrible accident….just like the deepwater horizon.

What the fuck was i talking about??

30 06 2010
Poop Platter

Doctor Livingston is someone you may consider listening to. Unless you wish to fuck goats for the rest of your life.

Or, are a bored mutherfucker.

30 06 2010
Dave Kling

as Dave is handed the trophy…

“Wow, I’m so stoked, for sure. Wow, Lowers so good, yeah stoked”

Dave Kling just won the “BEST CONTEST EVER!!!”

Hope he makes the cut, don’t you?!

The tour needs Dave.

30 06 2010
Bored Motherfucker

Just drank my fourth Coors …. fuck that whiskey bullshit. I got my “Republican moonshine”.. all the calories and none of the buzz.

30 06 2010
trauzersnake

And its no coincidence that blackwater provides security for HALLIBUTON to conduct geotechnical drilling and other technical support.

30 06 2010
voice of Reality

@ Tsnake….

Don’t you love the “threat” Iran possess’? Really?

Hear the drumbeats… and why? Not enough issues in our other 2 theaters?!

Because Dave fucking Kling won the best contest ever held. EPIC lowers.

I knew Florida would be to blame.

Feel better now, pray Sterling pray.

30 06 2010
voice of Reality

Halliburton has had the poor distinction of uncanny coincidence, negative of course. You know why I know that?

Because dear trausersnake, their stock performs amazingly.

Invest in evil, and riches shall be yours. Wasn’t that Lucifer’s offer?

Mark?

Silent christians…. no surprise.

30 06 2010
Poop Platter

Yes. Fuck Blackwater and Halliburton. Because that is what movie stars, rock stars and hot chicks on CNN tell you to say. Deep lot of folks, eh? I think BP should hire Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, Surfrider and other intelligent think tanks to fix the problem. Because they are all about fixing things… no wait… inventing things… no wait… complaining about things… ah yes.

30 06 2010
Poop Platter

Mike,

How many people were left without jobs when Enron went down? How many people will be left without BP to employ them? Wal-Mart?

Liberals love to heap coals on companies that hire poor people, then turn around and say “but those poor people were just too ignorant to know better.”

Keep telling schools to teach Evolution… it ain’t working.

30 06 2010
Poop Platter

By the way, the only reason we are arguing liberal policies is because Conservatives fucked up things so royally that even Rush Limbaugh would have been considered a fat fucking blow hard liberal in the 50’s.

30 06 2010
Poop Platter

And though we can argue for a millinea with no resolution, there is one question that no Liberal has answered straight forward in the hostory of mankind… and I hate to spring it on you now… but the question is this:

If money (read:trade commodity) is so evil, then what amount is too much for a person to accumulate for it to be called greed? How do YOU tell other people how much prfit they can make from THEIR business? Are you willing to live with someone as dense as Mark telling YOU how much YOU should have?

And more importantly, why the fuck did we kill all those savages for when we landed in Amerika, if all our aim now is to go back to that dying rock in Europe?

30 06 2010
Perkus Tooth

Poop Platter- The answer to your query is derived thusly: each person is to be paid in accordance with their value as a human being. In other, more simple terms, everyone gets equal salaries. It’s about as unpopular an answer as you can get America-wise, but the foundations for it are written in the Constitution.

We’ve delved into this topic before on PS I believe, and Bellamy laid it out best. “In the nineteenth century, when a horse pulled a heavier load than a goat, I suppose you rewarded him. Now, we would have whipped him soundly if he had not done so…” or something along those lines; those interested can read Looking Backward for a version of the utopian socialist society proposed therein.

Enough politiking: how many here read Lewis Samuels’ piece on Bruce Irons in Surfer? Is it safe to assume Lewis was paid off, or did he finally realize what I’ve been trying to convince people for years about Irons-the-younger?

Also, I noticed he (Lew-Dog) used an awful lot of hyphens in his expose, an obvious homage to yours truly. Lewis, if you’re reading this, you’re welcome: I’ll accept reimbursement in the form of either unmarked singles or Alana Blanchard’s toenail clippings.

1 07 2010
Poop Platter

Perkus Tooth,

I love you like a brother, but I thought the constitution says that I’m entitled to 2/3rds of your pay? Or… in YOUR case… 2 turds of your pay… heh heh.

Shit.

I guess that portion of ye olde commandments was directed at African American Slaves. Guess we’ll have to turn this forum over to Jed Smith for the answer to that question…

1 07 2010
Worm

Perkus,
Lewis paid off? He took the job.
The piece left me feeling sorry for the clueless fuck.
Bruthe not Lewis.

1 07 2010
SmyrnaJeff

I don’t think Mark is dense. He has actually come up with some pretty good stuff.

And btw he uses his real name when he comments. Unlike mr. Platter.

1 07 2010
COMPLETe TOOLSHED

Everyone lets get over to SURFERMAG.com and VOTE for our favorite BLOG!!!! OMG!! LOL!! Nugable can do it!! This is our time to win INNERSECTION, i mean blog wars.
Why your there fill out the nielson popup, and check our new big issue where you can find an article on the affects of offshore drilling now that the GULF has happened.

**BUT WE FORGET TO INCLUDE A STORY ON SURFERS/WILDLIFE NOW AFFECTED. sorry whoever is from AL.

1 07 2010
Voice of Reality

Poopie Platter….

Your effort to plant the “victim” flag on Halliburton, BP, Walmart, Enron and Blackwater is ridiculous. Why not throw in Silverado ( another Bush disaster ), Worldcom, and Broadcom?

Let’s take just one of your coveted corps. No bid contracts, no performance receipt, gross misappropriations at a premium cost. At the least, simply bad business, you wouldn’t run your “racket” like that would you PP? Haliburton does. And they moved to Dubai to avoid taxes… that pay for their graft?!

It’s not being anti business or money. It’s about lawless business and money. There’s the answer to your “liberal” connundrum, PP. Common sense would suggest allowing business to be “free” within the constraint of not impeding on society (regulation). Funny how “free” and “liberal” share so much in common. And how “conservative” now means reactionary with only one value, money.

Paddled around the cliffs this morning, super fun waves and asked the shortboarders if they knew NUG. No one knew what I was talking about. Didn’t bother with the big board crew, they were having enough trouble as it was. Maybe Surfermag will improve our boys visibility…..

Lewis’ piece on Bruce was great. He framed Bruce very well without going for the kill… cause that hog was fit to be tied. Restraint and introspection…. a delicate tight rope negotiated perfectly.

1 07 2010
Enoch Ward

I partook in some of those fine waves Mike spoke about as well. Trestles was “Perfect”.

*ducks*

Hey Mike, why are you trying to hit me? Heh heh.

And Poop Platter, I know who you are you ol’ bugger. I could sniff out your noxious fumes from a mile away… of course it took me a few days. Are you back in the States? I see your politics haven’t changed. You picked a big dog to quarrel with. Mike is no slouch when it comes to shooting the proverbial shit.

Long story short, PP and I used to write for a silly cable show years ago. He was the only one I knew in our writer’s circle who surfed once in a while, so I would drag him out every few weeks for a dip. He surfed like a sack of wombat scat being dropped from a high rise, but he was overall a good chap. He and I share an affinity for twisted and weird things.

Laird bless you PP… poor fool.

1 07 2010
mark

Hey mike do you know why it is that obama would not accept any help from other nations during the early days of the oil spill? It seems like we should be willing to do whatever it takes to clean up the mess.

And why wasn’t the jones act repealed like during katrina?

1 07 2010
Voice of Reality

Aren’t you supposed to dumb your old entourage once you sign the big studio deal Enoch?

Fuck HB was good at dawn. I know Trestles was good, but I had a meeting in Newps. Love the flyer being door to doored in the ghetto…. by the gestapo. Newport will resemble Gaza this weekend and the Israeli’s aren’t messin round.

Best warning was not to have “roof parties”. They post that they will have building contractors on hand to assess the threat of too much weight on the roofs, presumably all the rental props. It’s going to look like Mexico, starship troopers keeping the peace.

Man we had fun in the day, Newps was such a playground…. there I go again.

I had fun today. Didn’t even mind the drive from the great white north and back.

Welcome aboard Poop Platter, but remember you’re on Mark’s team…. and that isn’t the crowded side of this room. At least Global Cooling will have someone to gamble with.

1 07 2010
Mike

Thanks for asking Mark.

Obama failed in his response…. too reverent of BP. The dispersents are criminal. Using Louisiana State Police to obstruct journalists and maintain BP secrets is treason.

Just like Blackwater in NO. A hunting expedition on taxpayer dime.

Don’t know why or if the jones act was or was not repealed. I know the logic behind the hesitation…. allow BP to own the spill fully before accepting the mess. Morally wrong and politically expedient.

But once again, Money is amoral and it doesn’t care about anything but more. You’ll get it soon. Political decisions based on money suffer the same flaw.

1 07 2010
Poop Platter

Enoch,

Don’t try and play the genius card with me. I left you a comment on your blog page so you could see my IP address and email. Yes, back in the states and sniffing around for work. Gig in London was depressing but payed for my hookers and booze. Good thing I’m not locked into a family like you – you albino seahorse-looking piece of yak dung. I even surfed Scotland while I was there. Even you can’t say that! Hit me up via email (my real one) and we can catch up. After reading through the last few comments threads, I decided to make a brief foray into Stab and Kurungabaa. Got the predictable responses. Surfers are generally a weak minded bunch of ninnies, which always suprises me considering so much of the sport is machismo-based spectacle. Oh well, I roiled the feathers that needed it and that was mildly amusing, to say the least. Dense as doornails with no sense of humor.

Mike,

You are right about Obama. I am glad you aren’t completely swayed by everything offered by the left. I too, muct concede the right’s massive failures during the previous 8 years of psuedo-conservatism. The future looks pretty bleak to me. But you haven’t seen bleak until you’ve lived in London for a year. Hooooly shit. Makes Seattle seem like a happy-go-lucky place.

And Enoch… I know what project you are working on. Marcel told me about it. Good luck with that trainwreck you ugly asshole! Ha!

1 07 2010
Enoch Ward

@PP,

You cagey bastard! I’ll go check out your work at those other blogs after I scarf down my wife’s pan-seared swordfish. Mmmmmm. I’m sure the responses o’er yon’ will be stunning… if any meat has been left on those bones. Mayhaps an impromptu STAB and Kurungabaa Staff meeting will be in order later this evening? My fingers say “yea”… my head says “if I can see straight”.

I sent you an email telling you that you’re a worthless atavistic hack whose personality resembles a roiling bucket of mealworms and vomit. Then I remembered you weren’t Clifton Evers. But seriously, at least I have work.

I suggest you learn how to plumb toilets or frame closets… ‘cuz that shitty series you unleashed in Europe was despicable.

*ZZZiiiiiiinnnnnnggggg*

(Yes, I have YouTube you bald barn – thanks Mark for rehashing the term “barn”).

1 07 2010
trauzersnake

What a cute little reunion we have going here!!! A couple a cum-swollen balls in a hairy, wrinkled, bat-wing looking ball bag.

And what’s up with all these ultimate fighters?? Why are there people like this walking around out there? I’m sure the top guys are professionals and highly technical and know the difference between sport and real life…. it’s all the fuckin’ wannabees that are scary. It’s no wonder I stay home and masturbate so much. shit man.

1 07 2010
Mike

Funnier even, Tsnake, is that Enoch and his little mick buddy have been carrying around these dumb nicknames for some time…

Notice that Enoch doesn’t warn his “mate” that Kurungabaa security is inpenetrable… even for VOR. Clifton is nothing if not on guard. Note to Poopy Party…. back load the offensive comedy on your Stab comments. Or write a few dozen “cunts’ and Jed will stop editing your comment, allowing free expression from paragraph 2 on.

Reminder, Stab likes it’s fuckery short…. aussie attention spans. Oh and as importantly PP, add in definitions for any words that you use over 3 syllables. Neither Jed nor Derek can read condescension.

But Peter and Clifton read it even if it isn’t there.

And my dear friend Enoch, please refrain from copyright infringing (KESM). Oh fuck it, I know how desperate you are for a fresh script idea… You’re welcome.

1 07 2010
trauzersnake

Yeah, PP’s penetration into kurungabaa was pretty entertaining. His flogging was a little worse than mine. (they teamed up on him) Although they MOSTLY left my comment up there.

1 07 2010
Elgin Baylor

No F’in way! Le bron signs with the Clippers!

1 07 2010
mark

Sounds like a lesbian girl scout sleepover on this site tonight. U know nug must cringe when these blow hard wannabees have their little internet circle jerk.

Note to mike-enoch-pp

Get a room

1 07 2010
Outside looking in

The trouble with an abandoned blog is unsettled “locals”…..

Drunk and punchy, not sure why.

or Mark.

Yeah, Nug must cringe.

1 07 2010
Enoch Ward

Kurungabaa & STAB Crisis Summit 2010

By Enoch Ward

Setting: A single-shot scene in the basement of Le Petit Spine Java
House
, NSW, Australia.

Attendees: Jed Smith, Charlie Smith, Joseph Smith, Derek Reilly, Clifton Evers, Peter Bowes, Rebecca Olive, Kim Satchell, and Chris Cote.

Scene I of I:

Clif: (rapping a gavel on the surface of a forgiving pine tabletop) Come to order gentlemen, ladies, and lady-men (glancing at Chas and Derek). Since I am a doctor, I will assume supreme command for this summit. You will all call me Darth Clifton from this point forward.

Chas: Totes can we PLAY doctor later Clifford? Your hair has so much body and liveliness!

Derek: (shooting eyeball daggers at Chas) You quit your tongue Charles!

Peter Bowes: (interrupting the bitchslapping) What Doctor Clifton is
TRYING to say, is that we have had a most egregious breach in our
security. I even failed my own duties and briefly allowed a comment that was most offensive to all seven people who read our blog. (voice beginning to waver in unabridged rage) This poisonous act has rattled my dentures to the point of not accepting even the softest of foods.

Rebecca: And furthermore, I’m spending more time editing the comments of this blasphemy than I am on my own pieces, obviously.

Joseph Smith: (inexplicably appearing out of the mist) Rebecca, I have some magic underwear that I think you’ll enjoy on my planet after you die.

Clif: (ignoring Reba and the ghost of Mormonism) Look, the dilemma is this:

Some of us present cater to an audience that pines for every ambiguously-metro whim of a culture engulfed in the throes of a decadent decline. While others of us here (blushing) pride ourselves in on our own pride, unfurling words with several syllables, and furthering the proud tradition of academia by instilling the future leaders of the world with even less than we received from the broken generation of our fathers… thus feeding the cycle of redundancy. Clif, this does not apply to you since you have fathered eighteen futile generations.

Nonetheless, we have done a tremendous job of protecting the sanctity of a very important mission until now. As you know, there are OTHERS amongst us!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone: (gasp) (Derek clutches Chas’ thigh) (Rebecca passes out) (Kim Satchell furiously thumbs through a thesaurus in an effort to contribute)

Chris Cote: Hold on guys. You need not be afraid of this dark terror that once mortified my hairless brain. In fact, I would encase my pint-sized dong in crunchy peanut butter to better entice Derek’s sexually abused dog towards my lap region while I wrote a stern letter to the CEO of BP on an antique ivory Writing Desk stuffed with Twilight: Team Jacob stationary, if it meant the commentators at Nugable would defect to my miserable rag.

Satch: (stuttering) H-h-h-h-old on while I l-l-l-l-look up ‘Twilight.’

Derek: Whatevs. Cote, you’re a pudgy, tan-less man with ponderous spectacles, unfashionable kicks, and a look that would make Dave Mailman look like an Adonis. And by Adonis, I mean Chas. Get your stink off me… STAT!

Peter: (shoving his cane a quarter meter deep into Derek’s colon) If you don’t shut your twinky little mouth up, I’m going to call NAMBLA and have them kidnap you and take you off for a week of faggy boy-fun. Back in my day, queers like you were shot with muskets or run through with lances.

(silence)

Crikey. Did I just say that out loud?

Everyone: (gasps) (Rebecca passes out again) (Clif fights off a reddening face) (Jed Smith raises his eyebrows and realizes his queue)

Jed: If there is anything in this world I will not tolerate, it is people who make lewd comments about professional surfers or their wives! Additionally, STAB will not accept comments about surfing journalists or the livestock they root on a regular basis, or anything that’s deeper than a kiddie pool filled with nigg… uhhh-errr, colored… errrr, negro… ehhh… dark skinneded peoples. I mean, those diabolical trolls dare to talk about me squelching their freedom to make any verbal comment they want, when I’m struggling with my own freedoms to post pictures of underage girls splayed about in a provocative manner. I mean… hello??! Who’s the victim here??!

Everyone: (horrified gasps) (Rebecca passes out for a third time) (Clif whispers something in Peter’s ear)

Satch: (clearing throat) Please allow me to be short winded As the well-known aphorism states: “the so-called Blasphemy that has entered our sacred quarters and its expostulations are an icon for deterioration into Hegelianism, malaise, and amoral megalomania. This egoism, intellectual aberrancy and priggism must be abated by each and every altruistic sentient who postulates that such humor and wit is anathema to our snippy lotharioistic annunciations.

Rebecca: (Passes out while having her first real orgasm)

Peter: Someone get me a defibrillator, I think the big one’s coming on! “lizabeth, I’m comin’home!

Chas: Did someone totes say vibrator? ‘Cuz I have an Alex Knost shaped phallus in my shaved butthole mate!

Derek: (raising an eyebrow at Chas) Boyfriend, there is nothing getting past that butt plug you forged from Liberace’s sofa leg. Believe me. *wink*

Clif: (exasperated) You know what guys? I think we must gird the scarves more tightly against our bearded necks… We must come up with longer names for the Java drinks we copiously consume while congregating in our haven’s of fellowsheep… (sentimental music building to a crescendo in the background). We must expunge any iota of creativity and suppress any subliminally guilty urges on our part to read deeper into seemingly iniquitous comments… and finally, I think we need to retire to a heavy rafting session in the Esplanade shorey where we can all reflect on what it’s like to have come face to face such an abomination to surfing and the serious business of blogging. After all, we have children to feed.

Right?

Jed: I have no idea what you just said, but if it had something to do with reinstating the slavery of aborig… I mean, uhhhh… forget it. Ya know mates… Clif is right. We’re Australians after all, right? It’s only right that we treat our blogs like its America in 1997.

All: (applause that sounds like *a plane full of robot parts crashing down Mount Olympus)

End scene.

*warning to humorless academic douchebags: sometimes low-brow ribbing can be loaded with more ‘intellectual’ jizz than you can comprehend.

1 07 2010
Enoch Ward

Damn. Shoulda used spellcheck/Perkus Tooth, a proof read and several less glasses of whisky before posting that.

I am embarrassed.

And happy.

But mostly ready for that goat.

Mark? Whereforeartthou?

1 07 2010
Poop Platter

Damn Enoch. Did you just pen War and Peace? Could use some refining, but the bones are there.

1 07 2010
Poop Platter

Outside Looking In,

While I am no “local” I know enough based on a few comments threads at PostSurf and here that the word “unsetled” would apply universally.

2 07 2010
Mike

Wow Enoch, Wow. You REALLY need to hire me, bro.

On another note…. Surflie has posted a “story” about Tavarua, tainted as it may be. Several laughable claims caught my attention….. what catches yours?

http://www.surfline.com/surf-news/fiji-decree-frees-surf-spots-for-tourists–is-it-the-end-of-an-era-for-tavarua_45039/

I don’t know where to start, but I’ve spent a few weeks on that speck of sand, have a fun story about how UNcrowded it is and was surprised at Surflie’s fuzzy math.

The whole poorly written fluff piece framing Tav positively left me UNsettled….

2 07 2010
COMPLETe TOOLSHED

I love it. WAVES BELONG TO EVERYONE NOT JUST THE RICH WHITE MAN!!

ps. If you just came from tavi you must be a rich white man and if your rich white why have you suppressed Negros so long???

2 07 2010
Mike

Enoch… and why did you inject Cote? That’s a separate script, different movie. It’s growing on me, but this unsettled feeling in my belly….. could it have been the 11 Stellas last night? Uh oh, I think I have another poop platter to drop, flush…………

2 07 2010
Peter Bowels

Alright, which one of you assholes is Rich Woodcock?

2 07 2010
Mike

Last trip…. 4350. including air (1200.), not including a healthy bar tab. Prorated by 6 days of surfing…. approximate 691. a day. And I’m being generous… we didn’t surf the first afternoon (missed the boat checking in (?)) and your final day is an abbreviated dawn patrol… unbelievable.

Crowds…. the article laments the possibiltiy of more people (?). That limit has gone up over the years and now the Tav limit is 36 guys (!!!!!!) Ok, so only 12 go out in each boat, but now you have competition for the noon boat, basically you’re fucked and if Restaurants is breaking, you have a full on Lowers crowd. I’ve tried to paddle deeper, but it gets waaaaay shallow and you better not make any mistakes or it will run away from you or worse. Add in the boatmen to each Cloudbreak session and the owners who all surf very well and there’s isn’t even a whiff of an empty session unless the surf is shit. Basically, Dylan and Rick equal 4 guests in wave count, they’ve got it wired and depending on the boat men….. better be consistent.

Interlopers… how much would it cost to hire a boat from the resorts to poach a few waves from such a hungry, entrenched crowd? Including hotel, food and other stuff? How many guys are really going to make that effort more than once or twice in a week?

Tav is like America… entitled to easy times, easy money and the govt might not “believe” in the Clark altruism as fully as Druku does.

2 07 2010
Mike

Before Perkus Math checks me….. and the reason I hire a business manager….

Tav runs about 450. a day… for shared lodging, fixed menu’s and my last trip, a toilet that didn’t work.

Surflie claims 200. a day.

2 07 2010
Poop Platter

Dear Mike,

What I find funny is why anyone would think this wouldn’t happen to Tav? At this point, one would have to be a dilerious noodnick to think that suddenly the population of surfers would level off or vanish altogether. It is the way of life. The evolutionary cycle. Surfers started with a savage and a plank of wood. Surfers evolved. Evolution doesn’t just stop… it continues to progress, leaving the older, weaker members of the pack behind once they become useless (think: long boarders, body boarders, Clifton Evers and the like). There is no compassion in the animal kingdom for weakness… just as there are no gay animals. Life is brutal. Surfing is adance that mimicks life but is bound by the same rules of physics.

Tavarua is just another victim in the way of progress. Stomped out by the goose-step of evolution. Sure, it seems dour and depressing now… just as our Native ancestors frowned when Og sparked the world’s first forest fire next to the primordial soup when he accidentally struck two pieces of rock together while trying to wrangle up some Stegosaurus meat for dinner. His fellow Neanderthals were pissed at the time because they did not seeing the overall implications of what was then perceived as a threat to their existence as knuckle draggers.

Likewise, we may not see the useful fire that may come of surfings impending overpopulation. We may still be “in the dark”. Do we giddy up and figure a way to survive the surge of Time? Or, do we buckle and crumble into the dust from whence we came?

While I wouldn’t bet two buffalo nickle’s that we evolved from monkeys, I do invest much in evolution as applied to philisophical discussion.

The floor is yours.

2 07 2010
Poop Platter

P.s.

I refer to ‘evolution’ as it applies to progress.

While I believe in many of Darwin’s principals, I certainly do not subscribe to his perforated theory on the origin of species. To believe that requires you to believe the universe was created outside the present laws of physics. Faith just like the babies in church, my friend. Did Jesus say that? No. Did Moses say that? No. Did Joseph Smith say that? No. Steven Fucking Hawking said that. Google it. And that motherfucker knows his shit. If energy can be neither created nor destroyed (Conservation of Energy Law), where did the energy come from? If the earth is billions of years old, how large would the Sun have been back then if it’s supposedly been burning out? Certainly large enough to mathematically rid this planet of any water. Physics also dictates through the Law of Entropy that things actually devolve from order to chaos… in direct opposition of the crux of Darwin’s argument.

Logic.

Sorely missing from any dialogue these days.

I merely state these things as a mild rebuttal to those who piously espouse the nobleness of “going green” when the whole premise is built upon a house of “political-science” cards. Not real science. People feel as though they must buy into this ‘Faith’ because they are surfers, and that is what Surfrider, Surfing Magazine, or Kurungabaa tells them to do. Doing something because it makes one feel good is selfish at best, and counterproductive at worst, when based on un-established fact. The ‘facts’ stated by Global Cooling worshippers and now Global Warming disciples is steeped in science that is washed in the blood of political sacrifices if you follow Money (thanks Mike), and simply cannot accurately predict anything. It’s all smoke and mirrors. But Dave Rastavich sure believes it… so that means… well?

Their remedy? Call it Climate Change now… and we can subscribe to whatever pattern happens, whenever it happens, and use it to Lord over the peasants of society.

Do I have the answer to where we came from and why? Hell no. And that is why I don’t TELL other people how to live. I live as responsibly as I damn well deem necessary.

I think it may be time for my semi-monthly surf tomorrow. Hope the waves are good!

2 07 2010
Poop Platter

Hopefully this tickles Enoch’s feathers as I know he’s a devout member of the Church of Monkeys.

Ha!

2 07 2010
Mike

Ok EW…

Transworld blog has a comment that would make you AND Poop LOLCPTYZIGYD!!!!

On the subject of Tav…. May I introduce SouthbayMover….

Having relocated from Chicago to Hermosa 6 years ago to pursue real estate ventures and learn to surf, I am saddened to hear this news. As a perennial top-seller, I have for 3 years running enjoyed the company retreat to Tavi, not only as a relaxing place to plot sales strategies/get on the same page with team, but also a good place to work on going left and trying out my new boards (SUP, Alaia, KGs). It’s a bummer to think that, going forward, my sole reward for the hard work will be crowds of “rippers” who did nothing to earn their waves. What’s next: Augusta National opens to the public? The government hands out BMWs on the welfare line? Just seems wrong to rob a certain demo of their little jewel.

BTW, Hermosa looks fun today. Have a showing in Manhattan, then gonna hit it on the funboard.

2 07 2010
Poop Platter

Mike,

That was an awesome comment! Almost genius. If I read TransWorldSurf, I would have applauded over there.

Mark,

You should take a bow for your efforts as Joe Green. It did not fall on deaf ears or blind eyes.

Where is Enoch? I thought he normally commented in the wee hours of the evening. Still hung over from that disasterous STAB / K-Baa Summit I suppose.

I am looking to surf C Street tomorrow if anyone wants to meet up. You’ll recognize my license plate.

3 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

Poop Platter- You seem a nice fellow, so please forgive my little lesson here. Entropic theory does indeed predict the tendency of ordered states to become disordered; however, as shown eloquently by Brian Greene in The Fabric of the Cosmos, the layman’s understanding of the principle fails to take into account that past events concerning the nature of the Big Bang are generally mischaracterized. The singularity and, more importantly, the resulting quark soup were near-homogenous entities, exquisitely nonrandom and ordered. As gravity began attracting disparate quarks and forming what would become charged particles (protons, electrons, and eventually non-charged neutrons), the soup lost its uniformity and the wheels were set in motion for the chaos of the universe we now see.

For a well-organized opinion on the fundamental science behind the theory of creation, read Feynman’s Six Easy Pieces.

3 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

Also, where is C Street? Anywhere near Kaisers?

3 07 2010
The man with three thumbs

HAHAHAHA

3 07 2010
stan j

That’s interesting Perkus. Do those books explain where the order came from? Where did order come from?

3 07 2010
stan j

I meant what established order? Was there a beginning? And how could something come from nothing. I just think Poop has a point when religion and science can only eplain so much without sounding foolish.

3 07 2010
Mike

Wow, Perkus tooth….. didn’t know you had it in you, but praise the lord you’ve come to deliver us from ignorance. I can see it now on the Discovery Channel

“EXistentialism featuring Perkus Tooth and Poop Platter”

As for Tavarua, PP missed my point. I’m not in favor of the exclusive surf camps…. only one I’ve patronized (so far). The joke is they swelled the number of guests beyond “uncrowded” and the Surflie article tried to evoke some sympathy (?). The reality is, Tavarua pushed the common man (group) out for the corporate slobs, got greedy and found themselves under the scrutiny of a country not profiting from their resource.

Darwin would predict the same future for Kandui once those owners forget their premise and whose resource they are leasing. I’ll bet the Indo govt is aware of the revenue stream in Padang and how much of that income is diverted to Aus.

In the end, Tav has a good left, a sick left and a mythical right. Overpriced and undervalued, but if the swell is going off at Restaurants…. priceless. No one should lament the ownerships dilemna and it’s a damn long paddle from the main island…. so nothing should dramatically change.

3 07 2010
Mike

C street is right next to Ruggles Perkus.

3 07 2010
Dave

I have no idea what argument Perkus is trying to make. That book by Brian Greene is known sham. (Obviously, I don’t think Perkus has even read that comical work).

Anyone serious about Physics understands this thoroughly.

I think Stan’s point is more directed at the blurring of the lines between science, religion and politics. For instance, almost any serious scientific paper on the cosmos, including Brian Greene’s, quotes Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein throughout. Newton and Einstein… giants in the scientific community. And both are self professed born again Christians. And maybe certifiable lunatics as well… like Hawking.

End of story.

Science has a long way to go before it is separated from religion and politics.

3 07 2010
John John Florence

“Newton and Einstein… giants in the scientific community. And both are self professed born again Christians.”

Fail.

3 07 2010
Dave

@John John,

Please Google “Newton and Christianity” and “Einstein and Christianity” and read through their quotes.

All of them.

4 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

The choicest cuts:

“The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this.”- Einsteezy

“I cannot conceive of a God who rewards and punishes his creatures, or has a will of the kind that we experience in ourselves. Neither can I nor would I want to conceive of an individual that survives his physical death; let feeble souls, from fear or absurd egoism, cherish such thoughts. I am satisfied with the mystery of the eternity of life and with the awareness and a glimpse of the marvelous structure of the existing world, together with the devoted striving to comprehend a portion, be it ever so tiny, of the Reason that manifests itself in nature.”- ibid

“I’d rather sit through two hours of Mitch Coleborn pleasuring Kai Neville with a rubber mallet in 3D than have to read anything by Dave or stan j again”- Overheard by Newton’s gay redheaded step-son, Blasphemy Rottmouth

4 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

If the vitals of the surf industry could ever be truly measured, eschewing formal economic indicators such as balance sheets and stock tickers would yield a readable pulse in this newest, yet most important extremity of modern culture: the blog. In this, regards must be given to both the gatekeepers as well as those seeking to enjoy the easy revelries contained therein, for only through a careful balance of the moderator’s watchfulness and incognito commenters’ joyfully unmitigated verbal promiscuity does such an enterprise maintain a cultural relevance which, in turn, legitimizes the venture and attracts the uninitiated into the fray.

What dangers lie ahead, however, are emblematic of the unbridled success of the Internet’s propensity in allowance of a catch-phrase now unrecognizable in its former sociopolitical meaning: free speech. The now-bastardized lexicon of (former) preeminent social philosophy, as it today is undertaken by the denizens hurriedly invoking its name to justify any and all types of pompously written (and often ill-informed) commentary, has become a parachute for numbingly self-indulgent displays of poorly conceived drivel, propounded by those bent solely upon injecting into the discussion points of contention which serve none but the aforementioned’s self-interest. In this are the seeds of discontent sown which, as we have witnessed previously, quickly mature as disinterest and are finally reaped as dissolution. Whether this particular conclusion was the perpetrator’s intent is immaterial; what ultimately endures is the foreseeable, cyclical nature of the devolution of a blog, and that its informed participants can take actions toward the prevention of such an occurrence.

4 07 2010
Mike

Here here PT, another gem….

4 07 2010
Dave

@Perkus Tooth,

Are you talking about the comments on a blog? It seems as though you are taking the comments ona blog far more seriously than you ought. Or, are you making that statement about the blog itself… Mr. Nug’s blog?

Get it rght before you copy another article and paste it here.

4 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

That’s strike two Dave, quit while you’re only a little behind.

4 07 2010
trauzersnake

I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to say here, but how many of you think that the folks over at Kurungabba wear their wetsuits IN THE CAR on the way to the surf? Know what I mean?

4 07 2010
Mike

Worse Trauzer…. they wear their trunks over their wetsuits driving to the beach.

4 07 2010
Dave

I would like Perkus to answer a question directly. He sounds like a professor who hems and haws through a bunch of big words without ever saying anything useful. Perhaps he is Clifton Evers? That would certainly explain a lot.

4 07 2010
Dave

But hopefully Perkus isn’t a professor at an American University. Although fastly joining the laughingstock of higher education, America can’t afford another blow hard teaching the next generation to be stupider than each subsequent generation.

4 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

I’m just trying to help out here, Dave. I’m sorry you don’t like big words, or Clifton Evers, or grammar. I’m sorry my previous post offended you; I was re-reading Finnegan’s Wake for some incomprehensible (sorry again) reason and wanted to give Nug a shoutout. Blame it on James Joyce. And Coors Light.

I love you Dave, whether you realize it or not. If you commit my suggestions to heart, I think you’ll find we’re both on the same side. Good journeys.

4 07 2010
stan j

Dear Lord, Perkus is a school marm. Lol!!!

4 07 2010
stan j

And I just re-read for a third time, the ponderous comment by Perkus at 3:41. Try hardest, anyone? I think it’s great that he takes such painstaking means to measure the comments of various blogs, but I think it’s time people figured out how to use the scroll button when reading the comments to certain blogs. Just roll right past stuff you don’t agree with or like. What is “pompous” or “self indulgent” to you may not always apply to everyone else. I know that being a school marm makes this hard for you (a failed professional) to believe. Your comment was cut and pasted right from the FCC’s playbook after the Janet Jackson Super Bowl fiasco and numerous Hoard Stern fines for indecency. All the old ladies and aged hippies threw up their arms and asked the great god of Government to protect their brittle minds from THE INFIDELS.

So yeah, we are all on the same journey that will lead to us to dying in a few short years. I choose to let people do what they please. Anarchy. But this is coming from an aging punker from Venice. My grammar does suck. But at least I’m not teaching other people what to do. Lol!!!!

5 07 2010
Frank Woodbury

Mark’s uncle Tim used to own a bar in Venice Beach back in the 70’s.

5 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

You missed my point, stan j. But I forgive you; apparently you’re a Fundamentalist Christian who compares himself to Janet Jackson. I’m sure it gets confusing.

You got me at ‘failed professional’, or I’d be in Seattle kickin’ it with Freddie Ljunberg. However, I’m only 24 and blacksmithing’s not a bad way to make a shilling. Sounds like you’ve got a little less time to waste, but hey, go crazy with that anarchy gig.

Anyone care to discuss JBay and the ramifications of a Dane/Jordy final?

5 07 2010
Mike

I forgot there was an ASP season Perk, so not much to say about either winning. The waves had better be good though.

Wouldn’t bother with Stan J either… too naive to be punk. Living in Venice only means you have to drive to good surf. Or remotely clean water. And Anarchy? Do you have any idea what that really means? The cops realized one may day in 1992 what chaos would look like and they chose to let it happen, rather than intervene. That riot is now the handbook for future insurrection.

Anarchy, a funny slogan for dumb kids who think skating against a posted sign is rebellion…. while “representing” their favorite corporate clothing. Fashion “rebels” desperate for attention.

One item that needs to be addressed Perkus…. STan clowns teaching. Quite possibly the most important job a man can acheive, but systematically public education has been marginalized and teachers subordinated. Our future relies on this civic generosity, teaching is a vital aspect of life and Stan doesn’t seem like one to pass any information along, so he may not understand.

Or is that Anarchy?

5 07 2010
Mike

BTW…. the waves are sooooooo fucking good today. So good, I missed breakfast…. literally and figuratively.

Or is that metaphorically?

Stan J… any help?

Man, I miss dough and jam.

5 07 2010
Neil

Each generation gets more stupid. Who is teaching them? The schools and parents. And neither will take responsibility. Teachers today don’t teach writing and math. They teach kids how to boost their self-esteem (as if they need it) and fill their empty heads with shit sandwiches. Then blame ADD or some other disease when it doesn’t work

5 07 2010
Mike

It’s because Money doesn’t want an intelligent populace Neil. What you’re seeing on a broad scale is Fox’s Mexico brought to America….. filthy rich elite and their serfs. Add the word “public” to the term education and Money freaks out on another bastardized definition for the word “socialism”.

Are credit default swaps “conservative” fiduciary instruments? Is elective war “conservative”. The right wing has stolen the definition of the word conservative to no longer include conservation! Money is deceptive and semantics are a useful weapon…. especially if the masses have not been educated.

Religion is a key to that subordination. It is better to have “faith” and “believe” than to actually know. Is that conservative? And isn’t the message of religion socialism based? Uh oh, better keep the monkeys hungry and dumb.

Or better yet, debt slaves.

5 07 2010
kriss felton

mike is right. Politicians send their kids to private schools and tell the rest of us to send our children off to die at the hands of Public Schools. The teachers I have met so far in the PS are scary in how naïve and inept they are. But you can’t expect much else when they are shackled to archaic unions that suck up all their money.

We are doomed.

Faaaaark!

5 07 2010
Neil

@Mike,

I agree completely. Money has wormed its way into every facet of the schools through Union powers that pander to political powers in an effort to feed their greedy coffers with cash. Teacher / professors are just a pawn in this war which is sad to see them used and abused to such extents.

It’s also nice to see your RSA cartoon idea / comment earlier in this thread has been plucked by another surf blog… you know, the blog that had to post rules for commenting because you and Enoch, and Trauzer and a few others wanted to comment there.

6 07 2010
Mike

Whoa Neil…. what RSA cartoon idea?

What blog?…. they’ve all blackballed me, except the political ones and those are absolutely humorless. Talk about angry and they can’t/won’t read sarcasm.

It’s funny because every year in Newport/HB I fought the blackball rule vehemently ( comedy in itself) and now I fucking get blackballed on blogs (?).

Have any of you questioned the “lifeguards” why they kick out surfers in big conditions that they don’t want swimmers out in? Throw in the OC eddy mornings and it just starts getting good as the tide pushes and the wind backs off in time to see some shit little punk raise the yellow flag. Fuck that.

Another ridiculous morning of perfection boys, hope you’re having a blast.

Please answer Neil….. I’ll go have a look.

6 07 2010
Mike

I got it…. you do know, Neil, that Clifton is my biggest fan. Of what you say, I don’t know, but he penned a letter to me that was a novel of anger.

Maybe it’s time for another edition of Kurungabaa Editorial Staff…. or maybe their FAcebook Page Editor could make an appearance.

Even VOR has no chance with those boys…. but they did offer to skewer me if I submitted a story. Seriously, they told me up front that I’d be torched.

Hmmmmmm…. what should I send over. Too bad Enoch’s on vacation.

Kris and Neil did sneak something by me…. must be the good surf clouding my reading. Unions are not the issue with education. Privatization is. Look how fucked our military is with literally all services other than front line fighting are privatized….. well, that is except the National Guard!

Have you heard those commercials? The National Guard will pay your college tuition??? Not if you come home in a body bag. Pay day loans and front line deployment with no training….. just listen to your radio closely.

6 07 2010
trauzersnake

you can’t be all you can be…..IF YOU’RE DEAD.

6 07 2010
blapsephmy rottmouth

Everythings ruined.

6 07 2010
Mark

Surfline’s 14 day “Lola” forecast for J-Bay is not looking so good.

It appears that the region will pump for most of the period between now and July 13th and then go flat from July 14th to at least July 19th or 20th.

The contest starts the 15th and runs until the 25th.

What a disaster for the ASP if, after a ridiculous 2 month midseason layoff, J-Bay is held in 2 foot fin snappers on the bricks followed by ANOTHER month off before Tahiti.

If Chopes pulls another vanishing act on top of that then the 2010 season, with careers on the chopping block via the mid season cutoff point, could turn into a BP-esque disaster.

6 07 2010
Neil

Mike,

You mentionend that unions had Nothing to to with the education mess but did nothing to explain that point. What entity has more control than the unions? They could care less about their students.

6 07 2010
Mike

Good points Mark, the schedule is working againt the ASP.

Did you guys read about Bali? Apparently a two month break and corporate money add up to fucked islands…. hawaii and bali. I knew when I saw the schedule to rethink my indo plans this year.

As for unions Neil, I don’t like that they use membership dues for their politics. But in this world, what other organization stands for Labor? Like most things, there are two sides to this equation and power abuses it’s power. If education was funded well, it wouldn’t matter what the unions did.

My brother in law is a union construction worker, lost his job 6 months ago and now faces losing his union bene’s. I’ll tell you Neil, he’s rethinking his union.

But what’s the alternative…. joining a bank fan club?

YOu’re right Tsnake…. and I believe the govt thinks the same way about the Mercs…. don’t have to pay the dead ones. War is graft.

And for you Obama hatred fans….. the chump declared War on Iran through ridiculous sanctions. Because….. (?). So they pump the oil on their land, and they can’t have it refined or delivered back to them. Gaza in the making and the Nobel Peace Prize President is hoping they get frustrated and throw a bottle rocket at the US blockade in the gulf. False flag anyone?

What do you think Tsnake? Remember, there are NO coincidences.

6 07 2010
Mike

Wow, just saw the Surfermag blog poll.

This is how Surfer describes Nugable….

“Shelter for lost sheep after Postsurf stopped posting”

And in some ridiculous “heat” styled comp, they put Nugable against Post Surf (?) How scared are the Surfer sheep setting up this draw?

6 07 2010
Rich Woodcock

@Mark-

The ASP season is pretty much a write-off…..and utterly unimportant. They’re gonna mix up these same 45 assholes in a hat and have a draw and go through an excruciating week-long (minus laydays) excercise in less than stellar conditions to determine “das weiner”

Mike,

yes, there are no coincidences. I don’t think so. Did the USSR collapse overnight because the rank and file demanded democracy?? Or was it more for the reasons you listed above concerning Iran. And what has become of these obscure siberian states??? Do you think anybody’s doing any geological surveys poking around for oil fields?? And yes, they probably are the new Gaza. And who is surrounded once this little peice of the global puzzle is contained? China? Here guys, hold onto this worthless paper (we can find, drill, refine, and ship you the crack….just hold this and don’t think about invading us). It’s almost sewn up. One thing I’ve gleaned from BP’s little accident is that all this exploration and retreival is basically like space exploration….and we got a handle on it (mostly…….).

Yeah…..the worldwide police actions will continue. Glad I’m too fuckin’ old to join the army.

6 07 2010
Rich Woodcock

Oh yeah… and once the evolution of green forms of energy take over and become economically feasible here in the US…..that crack will be worth more to the developing areas that we’ll continue to sell it to at more profit simply because it;s worth less here….all part of the plan.

6 07 2010
Rich Woodcock

How about the geological effects of all the drilling over time? Increased frequency and intensity of seismic activity? In my layman’s vision you are extracting this cartilage (petroleum deposits) from in between bone (rock plates constantly in motion). Tremors in unusual places. Think Haiti. Act of God? Don’t think so. Coincidence?……not even.

6 07 2010
Voice of Reality

China threatened our bond status, connect the dots, Europe’s toxic “assets” are collapsing……. the Dollar lives to see another reserve currency day…… China no mine mo dolla ……… US gets to continue printing.

Iran is surrounded by nuclear capability… hostile at that. A study in rhetoric hypocrisy by a Nobel Prize Winning Hawk. Peace prize, that is.

Follow the money, it’s that simple.

6 07 2010
Poop Platter

Mike made the only important point of the last few days. The rest of you need to be locked in an asylumn where you mumble about the Thirteen Monkeys for the rest of your agitated lives.

Mike makes the comment: “If education was funded well, it wouldn’t matter what the unions did.” So, greed by private corporations = bad. But greed by unions = a-okay? Since when did Mike not get the memo that unions DO NOT reresent labor? It’s only been about 30 years since labor unions ceased being relevant and started acting in their own best interest while pricing their own “representatives” out of jobs that “the noble savages” were willing to do for much cheaper over seas. Get you head out of the mud, old man, and realise your own hypocrisy. And if our schools were so underfunded… then how the hell do other devloping nations, with budgets half our size, rank ahead of nearly all our public schools? Besides the fact that they are non-union and they don’t get bogged down in trying to teach kids to feel as though every problem in their life is someone elses fault. If privatizations was so bad, then why do all the Republican AND Democrats (you will be startled by which party sends the largest ratio where) send their kids to private schools? Why do the rich (you may find it hard to believe, but many of the rich did not inherit their money) send their kids to private schools? And why do private schools spend less per student than public schools?

Hmmmmmm.

6 07 2010
Poop Platter

And yeah, all the earthquakes, volcanoes, and hurricanes we’ve had lately are certainly a sign of man’s doing. Pompeii, Vesuvius, Minoan Earthquake of 1700bc, whatever the hell killed the dinosaurs (Perkus will have the informed theory of the week from ‘scientists’) would be all be great examples of that horrible thing called the Industrial Age bringing wrckage to this world.

How fucking pompous and arrogant do YOU have to be to think WE are powerful enough to cause these attrocities?

Well, I guess it just takes STUPID to fill in the blank.

6 07 2010
Mark

@Poop Platter

Thank you. Finally someone scoreboards Mike aka the “all knowing one”.

Seems to me that in the beginning unions served a purpose but recently have become more powerful than almost anything.

Who has visited the white house more than anyone in the past 19 months? The head of the service employess international union.

Why hasn’t the Jones Act been repealed in the wake of the oil spill allowing international assistance in the clean up? Because the unions don’t want the competition.

Back in early Post Surf days I was the ONLY surfer speaking up about the coming dark days ( no pun intended ) of Obama. Now look what we have on our hands.

BTW what ever happened to Elwood? And lets hear some stories of Mike’s recent “nocturnal” activities.

6 07 2010
Poop Platter

Mark,

There is no scoreboard here. Mike’s views of the world are cut and paste versions of lunatic asylum conspiracy theorists, mixed with some hipp baggage, mixed with minor brain damage from drugs, mixed with his own need to make a living by earning a dollar or two “from the man.” It’s a hard road to tow.

But make no mostake, the road of a true constitutionalist / conservative is many times harder. We don’t have the Unions indoctrinating students in the Public Schools. We don’t have Hollywood behind us willing to display privatization in a good light (instead we get ‘Avatar’). Instead, we get psuedo-conservatives like Dick Cheney, George W., and even Bill Clinton. Obama is just a less watered down version of the same ol’ shit with less camoflague – hence the obvious gaffes (read: his minister in Chi-Town and the ACORN debacle, followed by his plummeting belovedness by hs adoring media when they finally realized his scripted speaches were full of pasta and no sauce).

Conservatives, as Mike rightly states, are no where near what they rightfully stood for in the past (Read: Not straying from the constitution, letting the market decide the fate of business, and leaving all else to the States… not the Central Government).

Once the Central Government has gained its foothold, then you and I, fellow citizen are on our own. Look at EVERY major power over the ions of history and the results. You think not owning the right to bear arms is important now? Just think how many guns the rednecks are stockpiling right now… do you want to be on the losing side.

Unfortunately, Hostory has shown that in each of these cases, the devolution of logic leads to violence being the only answer once one class (Bureauocrats) usurpts the rights of all others.

Lock ’em and load ’em.

Then surf?

7 07 2010
the lantern

You guys just get gayer and gayer

7 07 2010
the lantern

especially you eunach wart.worst guy ever.

7 07 2010
the sorrows of young dante

Revisiting this site made me emo.

7 07 2010
the sorrows of young dante

i’m off to cut myself now.

7 07 2010
COMPLETe TOOLSHED

Vote for ya 20 times nug. (it just sucks they dont have more pop ups, i completed the neilson survey but was left wanting more)

There is no hope with dopes.(BP and OBAMA)

7 07 2010
Voice of Reality

Where to start with you boys…..

First Mark, the Jones Act hasnt’ been repealed because it doesn’t apply. Google it chumpy monkey. Deepwater Horizon is NOT within the jurisdiction of that law. Is that simple enough for you, or does a preacher have to say it?

I believe both Mark and Mr PPooper are listening too much to an uneducated, deeply conflicted ($) mouth of the empire (MONEY). Rush can condemn Labor, but Labor was the middle class. This marginalized segment of society has no one interested in it and contains both Mark and PPooper. Remember, Pooper is Enoch’s writing buddy ( although no evidence exists on this blog to suggest the validity of that claim). Enoch is a union writer, has no choice.

What happened when the writers and directors decided to strike? Reality TV proved that a dumbed down America will watch programming with NO director, writer, actor or film crew. All you have to do is compile some infighting white trash and stick them in a mutual environment with video cameras and insurance against anyone “winning” the thinly conceived premise.

Which brings us to the next obvious, salient point. Why would anyone watch this garbage? ( or nearly any movie remake of bad TV) Because the population has been anesthetized by electonic technology and UNFUNDED public education.

Still with me Pooper? I know conceptual thinking requires an umbrella appreciation of a much bigger picture… which I gave you in my last comment that you couldn’t grasp. Mark won’t get it because he’s used to being told what he thinks. (Rush, GOP, FOX, Church…. all instruments of Money)

If Money’s ultimate goal is more, what represents a threat to unencumbered access to rising socioeconomic liquidity availability? An informed middle class. How can Money turn the US into Mexico? (elite and serfs) Well, underfunding public education is the first weapon and is working quite well as evidenced by the fascination with reality TV and false ideologies as esposed by Mark and PP. Remember boys, Money’s battles don’t necessarily take place in real time…. it exercises nothing if not generational patience.

As surfers, once independent thinkers, I’d expect you two to think for yourselves and turn off Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck. But ill informed anger is a potent recruiter.

Labor Unions may abuse their constituents dues, but to blame an immasculated organization as orchestraters of Money’s best interest (reducing public education) is more a farcical conspiracy theory than Rich Woodcock’s tectonic plate theory. Actually, in comparison, Rich is sane…. and that wasn’t my original opinion.

Because you couldn’t understand my China analogy PP, I’ll dumb it down to EASY terms.

Money reduces challenge by limiting information (TV, Radio, Print, Education). By owning information, any challenger can be destroyed (Citizens united). Wealth consolidation can accelerate unabated.

And a generation of kids graduates with student loan debt and no jobs. And those are the lucky ones, the drop outs find one salvation…. the military. Perpetual war equals unfathomable graft carried out over a society unable to discern the spider web of their own voting choices. And whose wars are we fighting…. Money’s.

And now there will be no voting choices, thank you Supreme Court. The age of corporatism is upon us lads, and Mark still defends their right to pillage. Even while his own industry tanks. I wish I could help you brother Mark, but you are your own worst enemy. Even Dante didn’t exercise so much self abuse.

BTW, Callibammy…. I only surfed for 3 hours, it was smaller but SOOOPER clean and winding all the way into the pier. And I made it home to watch the wife get ready for work… man is she pissed.

One thing Mark wrote is interesting….. where is Elwood? “I like the cut of his jib”. If I remember correctly…. his last comment was that he was going down to the beach to perv out over young girls……

Hmmmmmmm……….. maybe Encinitas prison doesn’t have Wifi? Surprising because you would think privatization of that industry would have it running on all cylinders!

7 07 2010
JimSurf

Jeezus guys. You all need to go to Area 51 and bitch slap each other until all your boogie men are scared silly. You all must be afraid to even walk outside.

Mike: Name one government agency that works efficiently. I really can’t, but maybe I’m missing something. I feel as though the government is the largest corporation in our country.

Conversely, for every BP and Enron, I could name a thousand well oiled (no pun intended) private companies that works very well. Perhaps your own business uses one of these larger private companies on a daily basis? I know I use FedEx, shop at Target and IKEA, drive a Ford pickup, and occasionally eat at McDonalds and drink a Coke after a surf. No one forces me to use these companies, I get to choose what’s best for me. Selfish? Yes. But deep down, I think we are all a little selfish and greedy when it comes to our own best interests. Some more than others.

The problem with the aging boomers is this: They rebelled against ‘the man’ in their youth – then they became ‘the man’ in their old age.

7 07 2010
Mark

@Mike

The coastal area’s of the Gulf where other countries could help clean the oil ARE within the jurisdiction Mike.

7 07 2010
Grote TurkeyLips, The Elder

Well, I stuck my wee wee in a toaster once.

7 07 2010
COMPLETe TOOLSHED

After increasing troops in afghanistan and eventually invading IRAN, will OBAMA receive another NOBEL PEACE PRIZE ?????

I mean at least he did something this time..

7 07 2010
Voice of Reality

I can’t name a governmental agency that is efficient… although several collection agencies are quite ambitious.

Corporations can still profit with regulations in place to keep them from stealing (polluting). If big Oil is implored to ditch oil, they would lead the alternative energy revolution tomorrow. It’s all about will, not tech.

Privatization puts the moral/social responsibility into the hands of anonymous investors (stocks) whose only goal is $. The corp’s product becomes secondary to it’s stock performance or loan/service contract.

Whoever Jimsurf, Neil and Rich w are, you all write the same.

Eat Mc Donalds, you are free to poison yourself silly. Support China under the banner of Target, you are free to do so.

Your future won’t be so free. The wealth consolidation will reduce your “choices” to multi national corporate offerings….. thinly disguised as separate brands. You’ll be pacified by the illusion of choice… if you are allowed money.

The double dip is coming soon to an economy near you! It’s a more palatable term than the word “depression” and Poop, Neil and Jimsurf will get the world they so richly deserve….

Keep defending the BP’s, Money v Humanity.

7 07 2010
Hoon

ISD this year was like a fart in the wind. Too bad it was blowing back in our faces.

7 07 2010
Rich Woodcock

@ Hoon-

If ISD was like a fart in the wind, Halliburton and the BP oil spill are like a thick, lingering, dank, offensive elevator fart. PAU GASOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 07 2010
Lebron James

I would like to announce that I am no longer commenting on this blog. I have decided to water down my comments to the point that even STAB and Kurungabaa will accept them. I apologize to my fans here at Nugable, but I have to do what makes me happy. And what makes me happy is taking a mental step backwards, stifling all imagination, and licking the balls of blog administrators who wax erect in the loins with each moment their lamp shines brightly down uponst Goebbells’ trail.

8 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

Don’t forget to mention how great you are repeatedly.

8 07 2010
Lebron James

@Perkus

Lmfao!

In fact, for wasting your time waiting for, and reading my comment, I am going to donate all of Nug’s salary to some dumb ass white kids… I mean “Youthfull Dreams Amazing Realized Big Brother Some Shit” charity of my choice. It will make Me… *ahem*… YOU feel better about me abandoning my true fans and going to play with more talent so I can win the Blog Championship next year at Surfer Magazine.

Ha!

How’s my ass taste NOW, beeeyotch!!!

8 07 2010
trauzersnake

If there were a such thing as a Lewis Samuels jersey….I’d probably burn it….at least maybe jizz all over it.

9 07 2010
Bubba jo/ fla

Does anybody else wanta shoot the HARPON CANNON on one of the chinese whaling ships or is it just me????

Thats got feel like hittin a 30 point or shootin a big rhino…..

And does anybody Know how that there cannon works. Air or gun powder???

9 07 2010
Hot Monkey Love

Well, now that Parko’s out at J-Bay, I guess this makes Nate Yeomans the clear favorite, no?

9 07 2010
mark

Dingo gets attacked while hittin the pubs in coolie then parko shreds his foot wide open surfing snapper?

Sounds like mick better check around the plane for middle easterners before his flight for south africa takes off.

I hate to racially profile mate. I’m just sayin.

9 07 2010
trauzersnake

The sun is filled with ice and gives no warmth at all…
the sky was never blue…
the stars are raindrops searching for a place to fall…
and I never cared for you.

W. Nelson

11 07 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

Sweet merciful Buddha shit! What has happened to surfing blogs and their retreating minions of commentators?

11 07 2010
Bone an Raized

TAVI BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE!!!!!

13 07 2010
silent stoner voyeur

nuggetry.com and nugable.com

14 07 2010
CORPO

Bail out!!! We can comment over at the contest site and they are not moderating!!!!!!!!! ITS FUCKIN GREAT!!!!

PS NUG, how can you turn your back on what you are???? (free news outlet for THE CORPORATE MACHINE known has ASP)

14 07 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

So… how about a J-Bay live commentary blog? What’s that? Oh… J-Bay’s nine and a half hours ahead of the saline-filled whore’s of California?

Nevermind.

*wah, wah, waaaaaahhhh*

16 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

Andy for the win. Note it.

17 07 2010
Owen´s left hanb

DID YOU GUYS SEE ME??? DID YOU GUYS SEE ME???

17 07 2010
Owen´s right hand

You´re such a show off!

17 07 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

@Perkus Tooth,

I have a favor to ask of you, little brother. Please predict that I will never nibble uponst Anastasia Ashley’s succulent shoulders; that irono-cheese horror movies will become the next blockbuster sensation; and a peaceful resolution will come about in the Middle East before my pubic hair turns grey?

Much appreciated.

*peers down towards unclad loins…*

…Awe, shit.

18 07 2010
Perkus Tooth

If only I knew the secrets of italics, I would. Alas, I don’t, so I won’t.

Karina Petroni no longer turning your gears, you old goat?

21 07 2010
the lantern

Given that joel parkos wife has pumped out two kids i’d say that his foot wound would have made a great secondary vagina in the mans life.

13 08 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

Nugles is back? S’bout time you fucking asshole. You can’t expect me to shoulder this blogging thing for much longer. Time to get back to work so I can get back to lurking, leering, and commenting on all things debaucherous.

Plus, Lewie opened up his comments forum again and I’m pissed that I am no longer the 1,000th comment to his ‘goodnight sweet prince piece.’

I am fucking drunker than a striped Tijuana donkey feeding on Mark’s mother’s succulent teats.

19 08 2010
Mawthra

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19 08 2010
Mawthra

tee hee. It appears to look like visually seeing with my eyeballs that I meant to say “much times”.

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