The Endless Bummer

10 05 2010

Millions of gallons of oil have leaked from British Petroleum’s Deepwater Horizon rig off the coast of Louisiana after the explosion three weeks ago. The United States Coast Guard estimates more than 210,000 gallons (although 5,000 barrels sounds much more manageable doesn’t it?) spew into the Gulf waters each day and there is no end in sight. Other unofficial estimates are at nearly one million gallons a day. This will undoubtedly become the biggest oil disaster in the history of the U.S. and possibly the world.

How does BP expect to stop the leak that is more than a mile beneath the surface of the ocean? Is the short answer to hope the leak stops or the well just runs out of oil? Sure technology might be theoretically better today to stop the flow, but similar disasters took almost a year to plug (see the Ixtoc spill from 1979-1980). As it stands now efforts to quail the leak have failed.

And it should surprise no one Halliburton played a role in this current disaster. Halliburton also did the concrete work for a rig that exploded last year in the Timor Sea between northwest Australia and Indonesia.

BP, Transocean and Halliburton. Fuck you. You fucking fucks.

Photo illistration: Matty

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338 responses

10 05 2010
amen

our father laird who is in heaven,,,,,

10 05 2010
Dirty South

Just watch s story on the Exxon disaster In Prince WIlliam Sound and they only cleaned up 3% of the spill, the oil is all still there, it’s just hidden a couple inches under the sand. Exxon lost the civil lawsuit for 4 Billion dollars and haven’t paid a dime 19 years later.

BP has been running those “Green Washing” commerical on T.V. claiming they’re leaders in clean energy… yeah right!

I say Boycott B.P.

10 05 2010
amen

how about the interviews with former” CLEAN UP CREWS”.

Most are now sick from the chemicals and methods used to cleanup that 3%…

10 05 2010
Voice of Reality

It should be noted that a solution was floated to use a chemical compound to “extinguish” the oil. The chemical ( forgive my memory ) is so toxic that it may neuter the gulf ecosystem for generations. Killing poison with poison with Money making money for developing the cure. At last reporting, this chemical was being dumped in terms of thousands of gallons.

It’s Money v Humanity. That simple, everything boils down to the same premise.

Nug is right, fuck Halliburton ( a Dubai Corporation ).

6 07 2015
10 05 2010
light shedder

BP has given more $ to Obama than any other politician…

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0510/36783.html
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE64420A20100505

Perhaps this explains the less than resolute clean up effort to date. Or maybe it’s just more of the same (executive incompetence).

10 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Fuckin’ A, Nug.

Photoshop fun and a finger dip into a calamity that affects everyone. Nice. I don’t have time this morning to unfurl a lengthy response – but I shall be back later.

Like Lazarus, Nug resurrected the carcass of his blog through the power of the Laird in an effort to keep the gospel alive. My soul thanks you.

10 05 2010
Suntory_Bikkle

Argghhh…this whole topic makes me sick. The facts remain that they (BP) were doing it on the cheap without the precautions that would be required if they were operating in the EU! I loved the article in the NY Times where the manufacturers of the dispersants refused to disclose their ingredients less they divulge corporate secrets!

10 05 2010
WHY

…why has surfer remained silent on the spill.

19 days and nothing on their site. Is Sam George lost in Africa??

I mean they sure are proud of being printed on recycled SWELL magazines…..

10 05 2010
superstoker.com

good post no one should get away with this

10 05 2010
Schlurg

V.O.R. isn’t that Dubai, Texas?
God, the dispersant solution is classic Americana.(Oil spill? I don’t see
no oil spill!) Toxic goolash “Dispersed”. Shared w/ all the oceans species.
Not just those on your dinner plate.
Lack of regulation led to this morass.
Thanx for the post, Nug.
Oh and by the way,FUCK YOU Transocean, BP, and Halliburton!!!!

10 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Hey Schlurg and Suntory…. what is the name of the dispersent?

I think Halliburton relocated it’s corporate headquarters to Dubai, pretty sure.

Whenever the Global Coolings of the world suggest… “how can we pay for that?” , the obvious answer never comes to mind. End corporate offshore loopholes to avoid taxes. And never give govt contracts to those who don’t file returns. Period.

10 05 2010
Perkus Tooth

Halliburton=Bechtel 2.0. Leaner, meaner, and a whole lot more dangerous.

Thanks to British Petroleum for effectively killing subsequent offshore oil mining attempts from the US government. If there’s one thing politicians like less than reliance on foreign fossil fuels, it’s committing political suicide by unpopular support of drilling legislation.

Gotta feel for New Orleans, but they did just win the Super Bowl. As a lifelong Bills fan, I can say with fair certainty that Buffalo would take an A-bomb, then let Ty Pennington preside over the reconstruction if it meant winning the Super Bowl. AND letting Adam Lambert reside there for a month.

Also, who was that guy that won the Nike contest?

10 05 2010
Dick cheney

That bastard gabe kling won stupid floridians

10 05 2010
the solution

…but makes too much sense for the government.

10 05 2010
Dick cheney

we don’t employ people in overalls,it looks like the easy way out

10 05 2010
Old Kook

Jeebus Christus….

Bubba and Bubba have a possible solution…… how much do you think corpo America will pay to shut them up?

11 05 2010
Wounded Albatross

I love it!

Them boys are thinking! Respect!

10 05 2010
Dick cheney

Screw you damn hippies,I’m too busy trying to destroy the middle east and finding new babies to eat,Does your car run on hopes and dreams? mine runs on the tears of children and fisherman mrrrrr (grunt)

10 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Wow, that’s a price to pay for a 1-4 record Perkus…..

10 05 2010
Mike

@ Perkus, As a lifelong Bear fan, I too would allow an A bomb to decimate Chicago for a Super Bowl victory, but adding in Adam Lambert residency is too high a price so the deals off. I’ll assume his residency would precede the bombing and I just couldn’t do that to my family with the impending doom and all.

Now if I were still a Cub fan, I’d be open to just about any deal that didn’t involve a goat and a fire.

10 05 2010
EPA Spokesperson

Dear American Public,

We are currently reviewing the challenge in the gulf and at this time have inconclusive findings that we’ve handed over to the Department of Energy for further review. Their thorough processes and extensive knowlege of similar hiccups is a great resource for the American people to rest their confidence upon and allow the investment community the time to purchase an alternative opinion. We will be glad to broadcast the subsequent report made by a special panel commissioned by British Petroleum.

As for the inflammatory commenting on surfing blogs, we are referring these information terrorists to the department of Homeland Security.

In Money we trust,

The Environmental Protection Agency

10 05 2010
Dick cheney

I told you I’d tell somebody^^

10 05 2010
Bill O'Really

Check out this cartoon boys…. like a Volcom cartoon only without the WRV product placement.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/10/alex-gibney-casino-jack-f_n_568340.html

Funny stuff if it wasn’t true.

10 05 2010
Mike

Nice video “the solution”….

America’s best minds at work.

Better call Global Cooling, speculators should send blue grass futures soaring!

10 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Gentlemen (and Caligirl) it is time. Time for a serious response from the most serious reader of this most serious of surfing blogs.

It is time for the proletariat to rise against their bourgeoisie masters and seize the means of production. Nug’s post should inspire us all to action.

And by “proletariat” I mean my yogurt hose. And by “their bourgeoisie masters” I mean the taut fabric of my eighties vintage OP testicle-suffocating corduroy shorts.

And by “Means of Production,” I mean Karina Petroni’s haunches.

You see, that was the problem with Marx; the Bolsheviks read it too literally. Brother was just typin’ to score some strange, f’shiggity.

10 05 2010
Mike

clap clap

10 05 2010
Jamon Bagels Facebook Page Editor

Hello Nugables,

Glad to be with you all again after my unfortunate firing from David Mailman, a misunderstanding at most. I return in response to the rumors floating the wireless coconut about the release of a sex tape featuring 5 black guys, Kendra (?) and a Breakfast Sandwich, my new client.

At this time, I reiterate that Jamon Bagel was not present during most of the filming and only made a brief cameo during the DP scene as a cock ring. As the scene concluded, Ms Kendra then “acted” as if she was noshing on the nutrionless dough filled salty pork product while the “actor” wearing the sandwich enjoyed lunch off screen.

After consulting with breakfast, it has been decided that we will not post the photographs on Mr Bagels Facebook page. Please respect Mr Bagels privacy as he’s turned his life around now and is presently enjoying fatherhood and his devotion to his wife, Hash Brown.

Sincerely, Jamon Bagels Facebook Page Editor

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Thats why I pay you and your firm the big dough, Mr. Ed. I would only like to add that Ms. Kendra was not acting in that scene. That was the real the thing. She cried afterwards, big tears of joy.

10 05 2010
steve nash's eyeball

I bet Pao Gasol has a 13″ cock. I mean proletariat, er uh, yogurt hose. Lol

11 05 2010
blame game

Hearings starting to heat up.

Next up on Blame Game is Bp vs. Transocean.

click for the tragedy that is our government

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=1n&tag=watchnow

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I say we boycott BP.

I am already doing my part. Why, just this morning I filled up my chainsaw with Exxon Mobile gasoline. That’s right baby. Exxon Mobile – making dolphin safe fuel since 1990.

Don’t ask about the chainsaw. I’ll have the nebulaic spatterings of blood, marrow, splintered bone and grey matter cleaned off the basement walls by noon.

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

I heard they are talking about using human and pet hair to help clean up the oil spill.

http://www.accessatlanta.com/AccessAtlanta-sharing_/donate-hair-save-the-524481.html

If that’s the case, let’s send Laird to the Gulf so he can SUP using an upside-down Machado as a broom to clean that slick up.

Our Laird and Saviour to the rescue again.

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Far far away there is a once-bluegreen planet called Dearth, where people fuel their machines with Spoil, a volatile and toxic sludge that, when burned, poisons the air and when spilled, poisons the ground and the water for decades to come.

In this world, the people are capable of learning something only by completely fucking everything up. Whats worse is that they quickly unlearn their lessons. After catastrophic accidents, the more greedy and ignorant Dearth dwellers soon start to advocate making THE EXACT SAME FUCKUP again. And they do it really vigorously, pointing out that those who disagree with them are pussies and cowards.

So even though their fuel of choice is completely fucking up their planet and periodically fouling their oceans while destroying both their food and livelihoods, and even though there are many ways to use other fuels that in the long run are cheaper, cleaner, and will create jobs, the Dearthlings just shut off their minds and keep right on using it.

The really sad thing is that most of those who call for the continued use of Spoil are not even making money off of it. But they are dumb enough to ingest the propoganda of those who are, creating an endless loop of PR-reinforced lies to support a product that damages their planet and threatens the quality of their future.

Hahahaah! I was just kidding. No place that fucking stupid could really exist. Sheesh!

11 05 2010
Mike

No wonder that breakfast sandwich needs a Facebook Page Editor, he’s a genius. Genius. Breakfast and Sci fi writer wrapped up in one flavorless dough hole… Kinda like Orwell if he wasn’t Kosher.

As for Enoch’s plan to save the gulf, I Mike, will shave my long hair off and donate it to the cause….. oooopppppsssss, I promised Mark he could have my locks.

I guess it’s his only chance to be cool, so I’ll have to honor my promise to Mark and he can wear my hair and watch his life improve like a Hair Club For Men commercial. You’re welcome Calibammy.

That’s me, always giving. In Christ our Laird, Mike

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Jamon,

LOL’s!

@Mike,

The Onion began a slow descent into self-parody many years ago, but every once in a while they unearth a gem like this:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/20000-tons-of-pubic-hair-trimmed-in-preparation-fo,2909/

Which may very well save Sheapez’s beloved Gulf.

11 05 2010
Judge and Jury

Curious as to how many 7,000 mile plane trips to surf the combined commenters above have logged in the past few years.

Hundreds? More?

How many millions and millions and millions of gallons of jet fuel have Slater and Jack Johnson and Al Gore and Bono and Van Jones and Rasta burned in the past 3 years?

The verdict is in Bru. Hypocrisy rules the world.

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Yes, J&J, anyone who advocates cleaner fuels while not living in a cave and eating maggots is a hypocrite, and their arguments are worthless. And because of that, we should keep burning that oil. At least, the oil thats not floating around in the ocean and killing everything.

Thanks for your comprehensive intellectual tour de force.

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

PS, thanks for proving my point. You are now an honorary citizen of Dearth.

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Judge and Jury,

If you had read my comments over the past 4-1/2 years here, then you would know that I ride a menstrual cycle to all my favorite surfing destinations. It may be unpredictable, sound angry at certain times of the month, and hate my drinking habits – but it’s clean burning and it still feels good when I stick my key in the ignition.

So there.

11 05 2010
Mike

Don’t know why you’re so angry judge and jury, I told you you could wear my hair! You’ll be a rock star until the glue gets wet.

Too bad for Enoch that his ignition so rarely wants a key since he’s become so independent from lubrication.

Man, I loved the onion.

11 05 2010
Mike

You know, Enoch really is in touch with his romantic side and probably shaves his balls….

Because the hair has turned grey.

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

The only thing gayer than shaving one’s scrotum, is watching PeterPerfect eat a hot dog while he does the Lambada with Davey Havok.

11 05 2010
blame game

Its not our fault.

The Wright brothers built the plane. Fuck them.

Slater flies because of quiky. So fuck quiky. Jack johnson flies for his fans. Fuck his fans.

This is so much fun passing the blame.

The real lesson is neither side wants to do right, they only want to point out what the other is doing wrong.

Fuck bush/obama and every other member of government in the history of this country.

Including the new nominee for SUPREME COURT who has never actually been a judge but Knows alot about the constitution.

11 05 2010
Still Searching for Your Point

…maybe you accidentally stabbed yourself with it.

11 05 2010
Mike

Mark gets his mind rolling and forgets what direction he pointed to as he pushed the ball over the edge. Eventually the ball (point) stops at the same place he pushed off from, ignorance.

The improvement is that he now does so anonymously and saves himself a lot of grief.

That and a new head of hair will make each day sunnier, every wave two feet bigger and his cock might get hard again… ( a rumor that Smyrna Jeff and Eddie confirmed )

As Monte Burns so famously quoted… ” Who is that fine you man Smithers, I like the cut of his jib”…. Smithers responds, “Why that’s Mark sir, he was working the lot, but with his new look we promoted him to parts division!”

11 05 2010
Mike

Oooppssssss… Burns “Who is that young go getter”…. how I fucked that quote up is a case against legalizing medicine.

11 05 2010
Mark Facebook Page Editor

Dear Public,

Due to overwhelming interest in Mark’s new appearance, it is my unfortunate responsibility to inform you all that your account activity has frozen our server. As we work round the clock to rectify this technological disaster, I feel it is my duty to reiterate that even when the mythical Mike’s hair arrives, and it has not yet been recieved, that simple cosmetic addition to Mark’s appearance may or may not make the transformation in and of itself.

As you know, even the best hair piece does not necessarily reflect massive weight loss or significant gains in my clients intelligence. It also has no effect on bone structure or hygeine, both relevant factors in our attempt to gain Mark access to middle management.

Please bear with us while this unprecedented demand has rendered our technology temporarily overwhelmed. As more information becomes available or Mike’s hair arrives and is fitted to my clients enormous scalp, it will be our privilige to make that information available.

Thank you all for your interest, patience, hope and prayers

Marks Facebook Page Editor

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Mike, can you just give me your hair? I wanna make a sweet sweet mullet, and let it fly in the wind while I skimboard.

11 05 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

Dont fuckin fuck with me you weak squishy bagel!

MY FUCKIN MULLET ROCKS! IT IS MORE YOKED THAN YOUR WHOLE FAMILY, INCLUDING YOUR UNBORN WEAKLING DESCENDANTS.

WATCH ME RIP AND FEEL THE SPRAY…LIKE A FIREHOSE SET TO 11 AS I TEAR THE ROOF OFF YOUR LOCAL SHOREBREAK!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11 05 2010
Mike

No Jamon, I promised Mark.

And he begged, so pathetic, but I have a soft spot for those who have less.

Funny how Global Cooling seems absent from our realm. Probably a tough week to spin “conservatism” when it’s clear there is nothing conservative about Oil.

11 05 2010
Global cooling

Present!

Lets get this strait, I’m not Mark. A couple of weeks ago he slapped me down saying I was “a hater” or words to that effect as I wasn’t so much down with Jadsen Andre and his reverses to victory tour (But actually I’ve repented of that take after watching him at Lowers. Dude’s the real deal…I stand corrected). Believe it or not, there’s more than two (perhaps Judge and Jury as well) who comment here who aren’t Stalinist’s such as yourself.

Whether oil is a conservative issue or not I don’t know. I do know that until you stop using it and come up with an alternative to it, you should probably shut up or some might think you a hypocrite. We’ve confirmed you drive and you fly and you ride surfboards and you heat and cool your house. You along with all the others here who are gnashing their teeth about oil, how’bout you put your money where your mouth is and stop using it.

Like the comment at the top points out, Comrade Obama is BP’s biggest recipient of political cash – ever. Stew on that one and then go light some cars on fire and lay in the street or however your feel the need to express yourself.

How cool has it been this spring? Mammoth got 6 in. last night (cold and dry too). What’s my name? The left is the biggest scam goin peeps. See it for what it is! Can I get an amen!

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Jesus, every idiot who apologizes for Big Oil thinks that anyone who uses it is not allowed to argue for an alternative. That argument is as empty as it is tired.

This has nothing to do with Obama himself, or with ideology. It has to do with a self-perpetuating sytem that works against ALL of our interests, and that of our children. Big Oil has used the political system to create a form of economic oligarchy that kills free market alternatives. And we shouldnt be pissed off? Because we are basically forced to drive and fly? Cmon Global Cooling, if you cant do better than that, stay home and stay quiet.

At least at one time you had the good sense to realize that Jadson is the most spastic surfer on the tour. Now you really have nothing going for you.

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Amen.

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Like Rapunzel of ye olden times, Mike graciously offers to “let down his hair” to Mark.

What is next, them riding off to some romantic castle where they will live happily ever after? The lion laying down with the lamb, as it says in Revolutions?

Would this blog survive without them?

11 05 2010
Elwood

@EW and everyone else,

when can we start talking about ass play again?

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Elwood,

Whenever PeterPerfect comes back.

11 05 2010
Tony Hayward

Yáll just shut tha fuck up an go surrf

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Tony,

Now why didn’t we all think of that sooner? Profound. I Googled “just shut tha fuck up an go surf” and realized you are the first enlightened lad to utter those words of genius.

Good on ya ol’ chap.

My life will never be the same.

11 05 2010
mark

Once again I don’t understand Mike’s vain attempt at humor.

I have a full head of hair although it is mostly gray.

And I am not Global Cooling or Judge and Jury or blame game. I am tired of aliases and bein a hater and the rest of the crap that goes with upholding a rep as a legendary surf blog commenter. I am done with it all.

Fuck off and die Nuggets.

11 05 2010
mark

Especially that stale breakfast sandwich with the uber gay green license plate and the skimboard in his trunk.

Clueless fuckin BARN!

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Um, Mark, what did I do to upset you? If you are not J&J, then you have no beef with me. Unless you’re mad cause I want to take Mike’s mullet away from you….

11 05 2010
mark

@Regal Beagle

I am no longer speaking with you.

11 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Today’s word is…. Projection.

Enoch reads Mike’s generous donation of an element that could improve Mark’s life immediately and he projects what that offer would mean if he actually contributed to building another’s self esteem…. Projection, which in Enoch’s case involves some gay fantasy.

Projection…. Global Cooling finds the down time between high speed trading of other peoples money and projects that someone who isn’t as ethically compromised as himself is hypocritical. Next he trots out the tired cliche that in order to have a valid point, one must enter a paradigm solely of himself… another projection because he can’t find one independent thought within the perpetual propaganda that are “conservative” talking points.

The reality is someone as invested in poor decisions as GC remains has two paths he can take….. rationalization or change. One involves growth, the other enables his lowest common denominator, Money. GC will take the coin every time no matter what the “hypocrisy”.

As for his antedoctal challenge, most of us would prefer to live cleaner lives with less environmental footprint… as surfers we engage the natural world in a unique way. Solutions to Money’s collateral damage exist, but won’t be explored until Money expends every last ounce of the dirty resource that is the scourge of our earth and at our collective expense and Money’s gain. Please remember all, Global Cooling embraces socialism for the banks risk of our savings, while implores the cold reality of capitalism on the road kill that is the American Middle Class. As lesson in hypocrisy Global Cooling falls asleep to as Mammoth powders.

Money appeared before Congress yesterday, indignant as only an amoral compas can read. Three worshippers of profit stood proudly in defense of a disaster that will effect an entire region while Money makes more Money on that disaster.

Last week, a false stock crash was floated to gauge the reaction of a complacent society. The recent “recovery” is merely an attempt to lure available equity back into the market before another fleecing is ordered. Anyone who enters that casino deserves to lose, Money’s intention is quite transparent…. more is the only goal, no matter how that occurs.

As Big Oil has purchased all the alternative technology in an attempt to “stay the course” and anonymous investors are pandered to instead of the actual products or consumers, Money controls a game that is technologically obsolete.

I’ll fly to better surf as often as I can. I drive when I need to. And I do so knowing there is a better way. Obama has failed liberalism ( whatever that means) more than he annoys conservatism ( a hijacked ideology that no longer resembles it’s core principles). Money distracts an apathetic public with the diversion of partisanship, while it works in concert to consolidate wealth at everyone’s expense. The circular logic of hypocrisy resonates with Global Cooling because it allows his conscience an out.

And as Money’s mistake continues to ruin a vast ocean as I write, no one will be held responsible because we all are. Revolution baby, one financial institiution at a time. They will see you soon Global Cooling, America was formed upon dissent, the sheep are getting restless and Money sold waaaaaaay to many guns to the right wing nutbags.

That’s our new word for today boys and girls, Irony.

Money will be attacked by the fucks (teabaggers) who voted all along for Money. You know the type, reactionary “christian” conservatives who thought conservatism meant protecting THEIR piece of the pie. The result when the selfish realize that the agents of that greed have moved up the food chain into their immediate proximity and see them now as prey…. an ugly lesson in Irony.

As for the impression that Mark is indeed Global Cooling, that is completely false. Mark has a soul. A challenged good man who will soon sport some damn cool hair.

In the Laird, we do trust.

14 05 2010
Global cooling

I started reading this but then fell asleep, hit my head on the keyboard and am replying from my hospital bed.

As I don’t want to incur further injury to myself, I can’t actually read the whole post. So I’m gonna just guess that mid way through your post you agreed with me and now believe in freedom and the Constitution as it was written by the founders. Good to have you on board “Voice of reason”!

God Bless

11 05 2010
mark

@Mike

That was the most boring piece of shit comment you have ever vomited up onto the pages of this blog.

Move dude. We don’t need your stringy haired, patchouli oil wearing hippy ass in this country anymore. Go to some liberal utopia where you can be amongst those with whom you can relate to the most.

Aloha, in this case, means get the fuck outta here Lefty.

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Also, that was a good example of what happens when one side doesn’t like the way the argument is going, or doesn’t have the logical ammunition to fire back. Time for name calling and the good old “love it or leave it” trope. Thank the laird that Jefferson, Hamilton, Payne and the boys didn’t buy that one back in the good old 1770s.

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

heh heh. Mike is a hippy.

11 05 2010
Mike

I’m sorry you didn’t understand Voice of Reality’s message Mark, but I’m sure he will provide you the cliff notes if you request them. I read the definitions were quite literally.

I am amused at your admission of being a “legendary surf blog commenter”, we all knew your stature, but such a blatant display of ego seems gauche… you might enjoy googling the definition of that word but that would infer you had intellectual curiosity.

But you proved VOR’s point, you’re so distracted by partisian anger that you can’t see your true predator. That’s what you call enabling those like GC Mark. Man, you’re gonna learn lots of stuff inbetween your legendary comments.

11 05 2010
Mike

Back on topic boys…

@ Mark…. Who is more responsible for the Gulf Oil Spill?

A. Halliburton
B. Transocean
C. Brittish Petroleum
D. Comprehensive Deregulation of Industry
E. Barak Obama

A letter will do, but only an essay will reveal your truth.

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Now THIS is more like it.

Pass the popcorn Elwood.

11 05 2010
Enoch Ward

“I’ll fly to better surf as often as I can. I drive when I need to. And I do so knowing there is a better way. Obama has failed liberalism ( whatever that means) more than he annoys conservatism ( a hijacked ideology that no longer resembles it’s core principles). Money distracts an apathetic public with the diversion of partisanship, while it works in concert to consolidate wealth at everyone’s expense.”

Bullseye.

11 05 2010
Mike

Man, is breakfast gonna taste good tomorrow in Boston or what?

11 05 2010
Elwood

@EW,

Ill make sure to “butter” the popcorn for ya

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Breakfast is ALWAYS good in Boston. Or wherever I am. Its a blessing, being delicious.

Elwood youre gross.

11 05 2010
mark

@Mike

I don’t know who is more responsible. Do you?

How much jet fuel was used for you to fly round trip to New Zealand 10 plus times? Could solar or wind power get that 757 moving and up to 30,000 feet?

Did you wear a wetsuit this winter? How many boards have you torn through in your life?

Mike if there is really an alternate to oil that makes sense then wouldn’t you think that the oil companies and others would jump on it and make a fortune off of developing it? You act like there is this magic potion that would make everything easy but it hasn’t been fully developed because of suppression by the oil industry. Do you really believe that?

You are a good guy Mike but you live in a land of fantasy and best case scenario optimism and you seem to look the other way when it comes to the mathematical equation of making it all penny wise.

Now get back to blasting bong hits and swigging Stella’s and don’t forget to make yourself comfy because Maddow and Olbermann are comin on soon and you want to make sure not to miss it. You need to get your ammo for your next set of 10 paragraph long comments tomorrow.

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Wow, same argument again. This is wearing so thin….

11 05 2010
Mike

Really JB, a 32 point homecoming, better check for burning cars in the streets before the drunks realize they still have a game left to play.

11 05 2010
Tony Hayward

Maybe I’ll use that hay shit for the cleaning, first I have to buy a couple cattle farms in south america though, because meat and dairy products will skyrocket…

11 05 2010
Mike

@ Mark… alternative technology exists, no fantasy.

Money has too much invested in oil to promote an alternative. That simple.

It doesn’t matter what we think, but our arguement amuses Money because it keeps you from thinking.

If Money is mandated to end “our addiction” to oil, they would lead the planet in green technology development the first day. That simple.

As for the bong rips and Stella’s, I’ll cruise down tomorrow and you’re buying. We can watch Maddow together and pray to a photograph of Pelosi.

11 05 2010
ed

@superstoker

nice videos, how would you (anyone?) call that drop at 1:30 on Matt Meola’s video??

Has everyone sold their cars already and are now activists for better public transportation?

chears

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Putamadre! You guys just cant stop saying the same fucking thing over and over. Please see my comments at 12:42 and 19:51, as it gets kind of tiring responding to the same inane argument again. And again. And again.

PS, In order to be more non-hypocritically in favor of alternative energy, I have stopped wearing clothes, brushing my teeth, and wearing condoms. God help us now.

13 05 2010
ed

it was just a fucking joke. But yes…everyone is free to take it literally and do so!
And on the joke, I’m not saying the same fucking thing. Because I’m not telling to STOP using the oil and use an alternative energy (GC) , what I’m saying is to use it in a different way.

anyways…
did not find your 19:51, maybe you meant 19:01

sunny day.. good waves
WTF I’m doing here????

11 05 2010
Mike

The key to “conservatism” is someone else’s sacrifice Bagel. An inpenetrable wall of “belief” in that which you deem sacred…. regardless of fact.

Please put your condom back on, Kendra has it in her contract.

11 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Here is another Dearth story for the dimmer bulbs among us.

Many scientists on Dearth have developed effective alternatives to Spoil. Both alternative fuels and machines that use the fuels. Why arent these alternatives adopted, you ask?

Its simple. A massive infrastructure has been developed over more than a century. This infrastructure is material, political, financial and social. It exists to ensure that Spoil is consumed, at an ever-increasing rate, to generate ever-increasing profits.

At this point, the infrastructure of Spoil is in place. It is basically a giant, multilayered machine that generates billions of dollars PER DAY, and does so at very little net cost relative to profits.

Any attempt to tamper with this infrastructure is met with massive resistance. Why pay development and overhead to develop new technologies when profits NOW are at all-time highs? Why indeed? If the goal is money today, the answer is Spoil, now.

The only way this equation changes is through political will, and by allowing a truly free market to develop the alternatives. That is why Dearthlings should be angry, because that hasnt been permitted to happen. The free market has been bought out, so Big Spoil is subsidized and protected. Who pays for that? Well, the stupid Dearthlings, of course.

But are they angry? Well, yes….but only at the other Dearthlings who suggest there is a better way.

Pretty fucked up place, eh?

11 05 2010
trauzersnake

@mike-

That was fucking rad dude!

11 05 2010
trauzersnake

@mike-

That was fucking rad dude! Money vs. Humanity? I take humanity bro. Fuck greece! Fuck goldman ballsacks! Fucking total treadmill dude.

11 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Sometimes only breakfast can illuminate the hangover.

11 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Where you been Trauzer?

Jamon’s on fire writing a childrens book for Global Cooling, Mark and ed to understand. Modern day Dr Seuss.

Greece is the canary in the coalmine, the first to fall and set up to destabilize the euro. Money has a plan and owes China waaaaaaay too much to lose reserve currency status.

What’s worse than a desperate bully armed to it’s teeth?

12 05 2010
ed

There are indeed many things I need to understand, ever…

“This infrastructure is material, political, financial and SOCIAL”. forget about your car and start using public transportation, start breaking this fucked up structure

“The ONLY way this equation changes is through POLITICAL will”
pretty much all changes that took place in human history came from small groups – SOCIAL

how about that Matt Meola drop at 1:30?? How would you call it VofR?

12 05 2010
Tony Hayward

Shut your mouth and go surf ed! You better!! Bloddy schmuck!

And ya’ll don’t forget to take advantage of all the new deals dodge has to offer you! Change your car TODAY for a brand new V8! Fell all that power in your hand. Forget about public transportation, who in bloddy earth wants to share a ride with 50+ other people?? And also forget about all those crazy south americans fighting to make it free, they are taking bullets for doing so!

peace

12 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

You are right Ed…but those small social movements only create change in the big picture through political movement and legal changes. So its all connected.

And getting pissed off about it is a good start….whether or not you use petroleum products.

11 05 2010
Dr Seuss

You can’t legalize marijuana until we run out of heroin, fucking imbeciles.

11 05 2010
trauzersnake

@VOR-

I’ve been lurking. Watched a lot of the contest last week (just went back to work last week-money calls) glad to see another post and all this great stuff…yes Hammy is in a zone. Shit, looks like they won’t even need to land a billion chinks onto the beaches of the west coast. They’ll just cash their chips and come walking in with their cocks hanging out. (Well maybe just their little helmets poking)

11 05 2010
Mike

Already happening Trauzer, but they prefer Mexican ports of entry because of the deregulated “security”.

Even zoom photographs reveal inconclusive “evidence” as to your hanging out suggestion, but point taken and spot on.

11 05 2010
Mike

Douch and turd…. a Southpark miracle.

11 05 2010
trauzersnake

@Mark-

I wish coke was still cola, and a joint was a bad place to be. Back before Nixon lied to us all on TV.

And are we rollin downhill like a snoball headed for hell?

With no kinda chance for the flag or the liberty bell…

I wish a ford and a chevy would still last 10 years like they should…

M Haggard

Cheers.
LMFAO @ Dr. Seuss

12 05 2010
Judge and Jury

@blasphemy rottmouth

Laird suping w-an upside down machado moppin up the oil spill?

pretty damn funny. unlike anything mike has ever written.

But i’m not mark.

12 05 2010
Judge and Jury

Jamon Bagle is a weak writer.

Sorry bro. You fuckin suck.

12 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

If you arent Mark, you should be.

In any case, that makes two who have now abandoned the discussion in order to insult me personally.

Global Cooling, will you make it trifecta?

12 05 2010
Enoch Ward

A thoroughly entertaining read this morning boys. Inspired convictions and comedy. I was able to make the drive into Burbank on a batch of my homemade methane – so Fuck You BP!

And by ‘BP’, I mean my Big Penis. Damn thing always gets in the way when I step on the gas.

Trauzer knows what I mean.

12 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

You drive to Burbank? No wonder you are the way you are, heh heh.

12 05 2010
100

FUCK YEAH!!

my first time!!

12 05 2010
ed

“getting pissed off about it…”

I’m too peaceful of a soul to get pissed off with things like these. And also I have to save energy to get pissed with real problems, like ASP judging system, bias!

“…is a good start”

There is no need to start nothing, I’m already there… I’m Willian Blake

12 05 2010
ps

how can someone make a drop like that??? It’s been hard for me to understand… maybe I should change my name to “kookier than old kook”

12 05 2010
Schlurg

Instant fan, I am. Fucking kid is amazing!!!!!!!!
Surfs clean too, doesn’t look like he’s gonna take a crap, like so many Hoppity
Hoopers! That drop is sick!!!

12 05 2010
Grote TurkeyLips, The Elder

I am typing this to you on an ancient computer in San Diego as I am about to furtively dive across the border in search of some empty waves for the long weekend. Wish me luck compadres.

I am praying to my Laird and Savior that I do not get kidnapped by a large, mustachiod Federali who sports a thick trunk of pulsing man-flesh betwixt his iron-like thighs.

At least, I pray I don’t get kidnapped.

By the grace of Laird, I hope to serenade you with story when I return on Monday.

Peace be with you all.

Amen.

13 05 2010
The Black Swan

Jadson admits his shortcomings, “I am training to try and do carves like Mick Fanning. If you can make the carve and big air then you get the high score. My carves, I have to learn and improve. One of their turns is better than three of mine.”

13 05 2010
stego

maybe he can take a pill or something

13 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

All day I tried to come up with some kind of response to Black Swans posting. In the end, it was a dinosaur who did said it all.

13 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

I mean said it all. Not did said it all.

Off day….it happens.

13 05 2010
George Jefferson

Andy wins J-Bay.

Weezy said she can just FEEL IT.

13 05 2010
Chaz Smyth

Sherman Hemsley would share a hot tub with you, Mark. Nothing wrong with it, but you may want to pray first…. or wear a condom. One is religious hope and one is immoral protection….

14 05 2010
stego

Yes, the pill may help him. I had a friend, the ankylosaurus, he was often shaking, like, fucking uncontrollably shaking. And this one doctor gave him some pills and it help him a lot.

But that was a long, long, time ago. Now we are all dead and being burnt by lazy humans all over this land you call “world”. We used to call it “big toilet”. We were also moving around in search of better places in big toilet, but we used our own power to do it! Fucking lazy humans, now you burn us with no mercy!!

You’ll pay the price for it, as we did for going on that sacred place, crazy old pterodactyl warned us about it, he saw things we couldn’t see but we all thought he was crazy, we even call him crazy old pterodactyl, he warned us, we did not listen.

Hey, anky just told me to chill because he is not being burnt, he is actually cruising on the gulf of mexico, he is having a good time. Can you hear him??

PAY BACK TIME he says…

14 05 2010
BitchFuck

i agree with many of the opinions being gaseously released in this post, but let’s make something abundantly clear: without the unmatched potency as an energy source that is fossil fuel, most of us do not exist. no industrial revolution, no “baby boomers”, no jet age, no information age. oil has been the sole catalyst that has allowed technology and society to advance to the level it’s at today. don’t bitch about these evil oil corporations when you actively and willingly enjoy the enhancements to your quality of life that their endeavors provide. never surf anywhere ever again that you can’t ride your bicycle to, then come here and bitch. until then, you’re just another hypocrite who makes it somebody else’s job to fix the problem without effecting the luxuries you so gluttonously enjoy.

14 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Whooo-hooo. What is that now, half a dozen? Do you guys have ANY other argument? Maybe even one that makes sense? Bitchfuck, please scroll up if you dont understand what I am talking about. Nice reductionism though, no society without oil. Even Stego and Ankylosaurus are capable of more complex thinking than that.

14 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Nice name, too. Are you also Mark?

14 05 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

mowing my lawn is going to be vastly more entertaining – and enlightening – than this blog’s slow, inexorable death rattle and tis truly a shame. my sentence structure sucks, don’ give a rats ass about use caps and i don’t know a single one of you in-the-basement types with your ritual-cyclical keyboard pecking and checking back hours on end for a response to peck some more( or do some of you never leave ? ) but i like you. all of you. hang tough laddies, summers almost here and there’s south sells to chase.it’s been fun and via con dios. suckers…

14 05 2010
Mark

Not me mr. Bagel.

BTW I apologize for being so mean to you. I was in a major brawl with my wife for about a week or so and it caused me to be a “little snappy”.

Kind of how Sunny Garcia was a ” little snappy” at Neco Padaratz.

14 05 2010
Global cooling

@voice of treason (sorry unable to type reason)

I drank 4 expresso shots and got through two paragraphs of one of your posts. Somehow you think the the crony banking/financial system is an invention of conservatives…Red state folk perhaps. Truly you are stupid and if not, just grossly misinformed.

Now the monstrosity that is our current financial system with a few big banks aligned with the Fed and treasury is a bi-partisan creation, but you must know that at least now and in the last 5 years it has been mostly lib Democrats growing and feeding and refusing to regulate the leviathan.

Chris Dodd head of the Senate banking committee; Barney (censured for housing an 18 year old male prostitute in his house) Frank head of the house banking committee.

Almost all the big wall street $ goes to Dems. Golman Sachs, AIG, etc. In particular B. Hussein Obama has been a darling of wall street $. Look it up asshat. In summation, your premise that conservatives created the system and now are pissed about it, is false. Yes we’re pissed about it, and Dems and Repubs who have been apart of and voted for this too big to fail garbage are done.

Who gave us too big to fail, Tarp, and the “stimulus”? Answer: George Bush, Barack Obama, and the Dems in the congress. George Bush failed in being a real conservative…he would never be elected again by conservatives.

The greater blame goes to the Dems. They will be crushed in November along with the weak moderates who just go with the flow (see Bob Bennett in Utah and Charlie Crist in Fla.) . A second revolution is coming. People in masse have seen that big government is a failure and want no more of it. Look for leaders like Gov. Christie in NJ if you wan’t to see what is coming.

14 05 2010
John John Florence

You are so illiterate that I find your posts nearly unreadable.

14 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Voice of Reality dim bulb.

There are no liberals. The playing field has been moved so far right, no center exists, it’s degrees of “conservative”.

Campaign finance reform was the only hope for “democracy” and the supreme court decision (conservative) flushed Humanity down a corporate toilet filled with Money and the compromised (Senate).

Reagan’s anti trust de regulation and 30 years of poor stewardship including the democratic disaster of NAFTA has created an environment where only business matters. And an entire separate parasitical business paradigm ( finance industry) is based on faulty math and speculation with impunity for risk.

THEY ARE ALL FUCKED.

I’m fiscally very conservative, socially very liberal. I produce. Is there a party that I would naturally fall into? Or are you projecting again? You’re not very good at that, btw.

Conservatives have given us deregulated, privatized everything and everything is failing everyone but the shareholders…. the achilles heel to corporate ideology. Through the distraction of peoples lowest common denominator ( religion, hate, prejudice), Money keeps the electorate cosmetically divided while it (Money) infiltrates the system until it becomes the system.

I don’t defend any democrat who fails (Dodd). That’s the difference between progressive thinking and selfish (conservative) thinking. I make my opinions with the information I recieve, you gamble on a party line belief that Money is always the winner and therefore gets to write an unnatural history.

Projection and Irony…. maybe you should read that boring comment again Global Coolant.

Oh, and thanks for the oil spill, apologist. If you were a surfer, you’d care and it’s not cool that a foreign corp fouls an entire region over an antiquated resource.

Gotta go fill my neighbors SUV up and let it idle in the driveway all weekend to charge the battery…. told him I’d look after the beast while he was gone. You should come by GC, the exhaust plume is the best wind indicator so you never miss another good surf.

14 05 2010
Mark

Global Cooling called Mike an asshat.

Current score: G.C. 1 V.O.R. 0.

14 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Now why would you jeapordize that new toupee’ Mark… maybe a cancer survivor or the oil spill really is a better recipient. I’m sorry, recipient means the person who accepts the gift.

Enoch implored me to dumb it down for you.

VOR 23,896,785,884 Mark…. the judges are still reviewing tape to find any score.

But interesting what you did pick up on during the exchange, the lowest common denominator.

Try not to get too drunk this weekend with your wife just home. Maybe pay her a little attention, seriously Mark, that’s all they really want.

Today’s word boys, proactive (preventative). Do something nice before you’re in trouble and the shit may not hit the fan. Imagine that, like a plan. Or just take as much now as you can and ignore the fallout, global’s philosophy.

But man, how good was Ponto today?

14 05 2010
trauzersnake

Wow man. I guess I’d call it like the following:

VOR: 2,050,500,005

MARK: 5

GLOBAL COOLING. 0

TRAUZERSNAKE. 12.5 (inches that is)

16 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Hey boys, Lewis Samuels is writing over at Quiksilver…. errrrr STab.

16 05 2010
Ten Years Gone

126 you turd tickling, Prius driving, skinny jean wearing, 6’2″ riding, Huffington worshiping, elitist fucking know it alls!

16 05 2010
Sorrows of young Dante

Hey boys.
I hope you all didn’t miss me to much. I’ve been in hospital after another suicide attempt gone wrong. Just got out and the fingers are keen to work the keyboard!
I’m headed out to that oil spill with a boat and skimming device and a horde of empty 44 gallon drums.God bless you BP. I”m going to get me some black gold!

16 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@V.O.R.

Never, ever… not even for one minutia of one iota of a pussyfarting second into a funneling Finger of God’s would you catch me posting comments at Stab, or any other likeminded warriors in the dumbing down of a dumfounded generation of degenerate, disease-ridden poachers of anything worthwhile on this doomed planet of decadence.

I will however, occasionally leave remarks under various aliases as a means of fine tuning my ability to practice the fine art of “Not Being Gay” when Idiocracy completes its coup de tat.

Oh, and there were some fun waves down south. The plane ride? Not so much. I am taking a parachute next time… and that’s no joke.

16 05 2010
Enoch Ward

… picked the wrong fucking time to post. I have nothing to do with the thing that posted above me at 16:39.

16 05 2010
Columbo, Barnaby Jones, Magnum P.I. and that father-son duo on Streets of San Francisco

Enoch Ward comments after a long day of nothingness on Nugable TEN FUCKING MINUTES after Sorrows of Young Dante emerges from the ashes of the Psycho Ward in eastern Dee Why?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

16 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Columbo, et al…

I said I was a practicing my retardation skills so that I would blend in once Generation Brawndo (Red Bull) takes control of the wheel.

I never said I could mimic a mongoloid marmot scrapping for bits of squirrel scat on the cusp of Half-Dome’s precipice in Yosemite. In other words, Sorrows of Young Dunce.

16 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

I like salmon.

16 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

..and skimboarding.

16 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

but I REALLY like skimsalmonbagelling.

17 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Hope you scored Turkey lips….

They did let me get in a dig on Jed though.

Seriously, could lewis take a worse photograph? It scared my nephews and they had nightmares about clowns!

Yeah know, usually I’m supportive of an insecure breakfast sandwich pimping his vocation, but the whole “I’m saltier than a skimboarder” schtick only gets my yoke.

17 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

You are correct – that picture of Luigi Samsung is terrible. He looks like he just unloaded his spastic belching colon onto a truck stop restroom wall; leaving a galaxy of aerosolized fecal spew and heavily scratched mirror that resembles a scat constellation.

But maybe that’s just me.

17 05 2010
Bruce irons

Just wait on the new SUFFER.

I get interviewed by Lewy and then make him swallow 4 foot of a cold hard shotgun while I smoke Meth.

17 05 2010
Horatio M. Monsfrottage

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Horatio M. Monsfrottage. I’m the founder of the Anti-Lewis Samuels Society. Hereby, I will tell you what made me form such an organization and how I plan to use it to disentangle people from the snares set by Lewis Samuels and his winged feces flinging monkeys. One of my objectives for this comment is to give Lewis a rhadamanthine warning not to violate strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains. I have one final message for you before ending this brief diatribe: My message has always been that Lewis Samuels’ ideals are colored and flavored to appeal to quarrelsome money-worshippers like Mike.

Hence, once Lewis realizes that he has a problem, maybe then he’ll see that he really struck a nerve with me when he said that he understands the difference between civilization and savagery. Good and evil. PostSurf and Stab. That lie is a painful reminder that Lewis sometimes puts himself in charge of toying with our opinions. At other times, one of his chums is deputed for the job. Like that hateful person named Bloatfoamy Rottmutt. In either case, if Lewis thinks that our only chance of saving the planet is to accept unending regulations and straightjacket “reforms” from his drones, then he’s sadly mistaken.

If one needs a sign that Lewis is immoral, then consider that he contends that the rules don’t apply to him and that, therefore, the Earth is flat. This bizarre pattern of thinking leads to strange conclusions. Some of which, even Mark and his phony identities agree with. For example, it convinces lubricious storytellers (as distinct from the foolhardy vandals like Fake Charlie Smith who prefer to chirrup while hopping from cloud to cloud in Nephelococcygia) that some people deserve to feel safe while others do not. In reality, contrariwise, the unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally overlooked when speaking specifically about PeterPerfect’s open and affirming lifestyle choices.

Specifically, Lewis once had the audacity to tell me that he is a tireless protector of civil rights and civil liberties for all surfers… and Yoked Skimboarders. My riposte was that my sources tell me that he intends to wage a clandestine guerilla war against many basic human and breakfast sandwich rights before you know it.

Well, not on my watch, buster!!!

I am therefore calling upon all good citizens of Nugable to bring the communion of knowledge to all of us. In short, Lewis Samuels’s henchmen lie about their animadversions, and then, when we’re all convinced that no harm will be done, they portray cold-blooded rash-types as dunces. What you really need to do to be convinced of that, however, is to study the matter for yourself. I’ll be happy to send you enough facts to get you started.

Just write to me at moistguntfabric@gmail.com.

17 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Lewis? Is that you?

20 05 2010
Dave Mailman

Enoch has such a colorful imagination. Nice work Mr. “Ward”!

17 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Seriously, Horatio returns from vacation with nothing to do except offer his mia culpa. No wonder Hollywood is so fucked up… aren’t there any comic book characters left waiting to be blockbustered?!?!

Bruce irons is a “hunting accident” waiting to happen….on a “dude cruise”. Seriously, how gay is that name and not very original. For some reason, Greg Browning probably winces when he hears that production title. But man does Bruce look butch holding a shotgun, grimacing and half naked.

Memo to Andy, avoid “dude cruise” hunting trips like the plague. Cheney was only hunting quail, but Bruce is hunting pig bottoms!!!!!!!

18 05 2010
hMMMMM

PBS newshour last nite with the head of NOAA. (dumb bitch)

Link provided.

She made a point that if Tar Balls get into the loop current they would be very small.

Tennis and Softball size tarballs began washing up yesterday in Key West but they are not yet sure where the OIL is coming from.

I wondered if people in Russia knew when the communists were pushing propaganda.

18 05 2010
Smyna Jeff's dog Rover

Bark bark, If those “tennis balls” make the gulf stream and the well is not capped, the east coast is in for some gassy summer days. Might even run all the way across the atlantic to Great Britian…. my dad would call that ironic if he knew what that word meant, bark bark.

18 05 2010
Mike

There are news stories every day about conflicted Republicans and it’s almost to the point of mundane. Here is a story that should get a chuckle from both Mark and Global Cooling. Apparently, George Bush isn’t the only one faking military service records….

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/17/richard-blumenthal-vietnam_n_579656.html

Our government is fucked.

18 05 2010
Garth Helmet Von Meatsocket

If ever I had a tough comment to write, this is it. And I’ll make this brief, for all our sakes.

My passionate challenge is to convince you that Nugable.com is an obnoxious, choleric primate. I guess I should start by saying that ignorance is bliss. This may be why Nugable’s cat’s-paws are generally all smiles. Nug’s stories about quislingism are particularly ridden with errors and distortions, even leaving aside the concept’s initial implausibility. It’s easy for us to shake our heads at his foolishness and cowardice. It’s easy for us to exclaim that we should strike at the heart of his efforts to smear and defame many of our favorite surfers and surferettes. It’s easy for us to say, “Nugable.com has become a patsy to its own malevolence.” The point is that it’s easy for us to say these things because there are some simple truths in this world.

First, this blog frequently sprinkles its speech with the guttural argot of dangerous louts. Second, Steve’s narcissistic self-identification with all of the traumata of its repressed diathesis towards global terrorism has made it rob us of our lives, our health, our honor, and our belongings. “Yeah, no fucking shit” you may say to yourselves. And finally, it takes more than a mass of meretricious, disaffected libertines to teach larcenous, militant anarchists about tolerance. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to maximize our individual potential for effectiveness and success in combatting it.

Nugable’s deeds are an icon for the deterioration of the city, for its slow slide into crime, malaise, and filth. Much like Mark’s penchants for robbing poor people with his favorite red Swiss Army Knife. Still, Nugable accuses many of us of being morally questionable whenever we state that our fervent belief in radicalism allows us to perform all sorts of outrages, misdemeanors, felonies, and atrocities and feel perfectly justified in performing them. All right, I’ll admit that I have a sharp tongue and sometimes write with a bit of a poison pen, but the fact remains that Nugable doesn’t want us to oust him and his frowsy lapdogs from anywhere we find them disarming us morally, making us rootless and defenseless, and then destroying us. It would rather we settle for the meatless bone of cannibalism.

Let us postulate that the consequences of Nugable’s vicious epigrams, particularly from a moral point of view, are not favorable. In that case, this website once tried to convince a bunch of us that it commands an army of sentient horse lips that live in the hollow center of the earth and produce earthquakes whenever they feel like shaking things up a bit on the surface. Fortunately, calmer heads like mine prevailed and a number of us informed the rest of the regular commentators here that as long as the Jameson keeps flowing and the paychecks keep coming, Nugable’s deputies don’t really care that it is totally snippy. We all are, to some extent, but this blog sets the curve.

This seems so obvious, I am amazed there is even any discussion about it. Most people don’t realize this, but this website has, in fact, presented evidence in support of its claim that it has the mandate of Heaven to manipulate public understanding of denominationalism. Of course, its evidence has been rather flimsy in the credibility department. It’s generally a lot easier to find evidence that Steve Nug’s emissaries have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times – stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize his mudslinging barbs. It is sincerely not a pretty sight. Nugable is a waste product of biological evolution.

And one more thing: Oh fuck it. I love this blog and I love all of you and I am saddened to see it go the way of the barking spider. May we all meet again, on some distant shore of some distant blog. Maybe it will be a rendezvous at a blog called Campfire Tales. Maybe it will be at a blog called Feces and Ball Crush Torture. Who knows?

All one can really know is that PeterPerfect is gayer than Bruce Irons doing power squats on the barrel of a shotgun barrel lubed with Freddy Mercury’s saliva.

Amen.

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Sweet Jeebus, Laird Almighty. I thought the internet would crash at 1,000 comments… but noooooooeeewww. It just keeps on a tickin’.

I wonder if Lewis will cry a little less when he masturbates this evening?

18 05 2010
Mike

I have the andedocte for your boredom Enoch and your next hit script….

The Green Lantern! Coming to theatres, June 2011. Produced by Enoch Ward.

Another blockbuster from a vapid braintrust in Hollyweird.

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

… but it does have Blake Lively in it. The things I would do to her delicious body cannot be written in any language known to mankind. It can only be explained through sporadic forearm thrusts, lotion, Kleenex, and severe bouts of Tennis Elbow.

18 05 2010
Gerard Depudpoo

Cher Nugable,

Mes yeux étant fermé à clef sur votre bel appareil, mon esprit se noyant dans l’éveil chaud et épais, j’ai massé l’huile au-dessus de vos bras musculeux, vos larges épaules et votre coffre puissant, fonctionnant votre peau dans un affichage brillant.

D’ailleurs, j’aime le blog.

18 05 2010
Mike

The genius of Enoch, inappropriate in 15 fluent languages….

yeah I know, vapid and genius all in one package.

Any of you world travelers been to las Flores in Salvador? By world travelers I mean you EW… nobody else is around after the neutron bomb killed this blog.

18 05 2010
Garth Helmet Von Meatsocket

Punta Manga was firing at 8’ when I surfed there back in the late eighties. Heavier than it looks. I got spanked several times. I have no idea what the place is like now. But I’ve seen pictures and the wave still looks good.

18 05 2010
Shamus McRearload
18 05 2010
Tumbleweeds

Tumbleweed: ” Hey trash blowing in the wind, which way is Post surf?”

Trash blowing in the Wind: ” Fuck if I know, I just got free of the gay house of mirrors over at likebitchin and I’m scared to look for Post surf until this wind dies down”

Tumbleweed: ” You can hang out with me and see where we end up”

Trash blowing in the Wind: ” Nah dude, you’ll just end up blowing up Jed’s skirt at Stab, he’ll censor you and then use you for toilet paper”.

Tumbleweed: ” Where’s that house of mirrors you say?”

18 05 2010
Bra-dude

THE DRIFTER IN VOGUE????

It looks like his YELLOW TEETH and corpo branded board …..

but no way that guy lives in a tent and puts peanut butter in his dreads….

18 05 2010
Rick Van Winkihole

What in gawd’s name just happened??!?

This is outrageous!!!! Another oil spill??? I can’t believe this. When are they going to learn? Why, just yesterday I went swimming in the pristine waters off the coast of Louisiana. My backstroke never felt stronger and my kinship with the various mammals that swam alongside of me. All was well with my prized Gulf Coast when I went to bed last night. Now, I come to this blog this morning and learn that there has been an atrocity committed against my precious earth??!

I am sickened.

Well, this just goes to show you that you better enjoy things while you can, elstwise they be taken from you the next morning.

Thank you for brining this to our attention Mr. Nugable. I am going to tune into CNN right away to see if they have picked up on this awful and appalling travesty.

18 05 2010
Ken Mosabbi

In my whole entirety long lifetimes of living I have never read such uplifting data on thoughtfully important topical posts. I once did try to attempt doing the surfing in the ocean’s seas of waves. Unfortunately and very much sometimes sadly with all due respect and salutations, I feel down off towards sand on my board. No cement substrate could hold or anchor down with affirmation my feet. I cried too sometimes almost always maybe yes indeed.

I thank you sincerely and posthumously impromptually likewise blog writer and author of truly amazing letters and paragraphs.

I most likely somewhat probably will make more very many comments on your next forthcoming shortly and forever and ever blog postings.

With all due respect and hearty emancipations of gaseous and sweet odious thankfulness,

18 05 2010
Ken Mosabbi

Hahaha. Oopsie-daisy mistaky my achy breaky hearts I forgot to leave out and never put my name at the summary and conclusion at the end of my commentary words and syntactical mindfulness.

I apologize and am sorry and sad with grief for these days of mistakes and accidental forget me nots.

-Ken

18 05 2010
trauzersnake

@EW-
“For those of you who do not know, Lewis Samuels once wrote a book about a transexual’s struggle with explosive diarrhea while wearing pantyhose. It was called “To Kill a Stocking Turd” and was a critical failure.

LMFAO!!!!

Nice work on hitting 1,000. How long will it take this post to reach 1,000?

Dammit I’m gonna miss this shit!

18 05 2010
Mike

I’m sure Ken would read so much more fluently if he just adjusted his font to Japanese…. when I figure out that trick EW, it’ll be game on.

Unfortunately, I am not only against leashes and fun/retro boards, but also painfully behind the techno curve and probably will never figure out your keyboard mastery…. but your writing is always there.

Don’t you worry your 12.5 inch cock, Trauser… soon a new forum may emerge from the blankness of steve and you can post your magic to the delight of any eyes that enjoy the wealth of your humor. “Kill a stocking turd” deserves a forum and the Bagel will not allow you to sacrifice your art in vain.

A new day is dawning Trauser, follow the light to the darkness!

Where is that Jam sandwich and his new blog anyway?

Stay tuned for details….

Mike

18 05 2010
Mike

Apologies for mistaking the unmistakable (EW) for trauser’s often inspired comments. My sincerest offer of wrongness to Sir Ward.

I should have known…. when trauser fills with blood and becomes hard, his brain lacks the necessary blood to function thoughtfully. Still funny, but obviously compromised and close to passing out.

Kinda like marks life minus the giant cock.

18 05 2010
Marks Facebook Page Editor

Good PST afternoon Nugables,

Great news today from our Calibammy brother and boy do we need it on this gloomy, flat day. Mark scored San O this morning and dominated as usual the challenging lefts. Spray was felt as far as the Surfer Magazine corporate headquaters, but somehow missed the Surfing Mag offices next door. To the employees, it felt like rain, but as the spray cleared the tell tale signs of salty discharge stamped evidence of Mark’s powerful rail work.

But Mark is on FiRE in all phases of his storied life and his reunion with his beloved wife has been the second honeymoon she has always dreamed of. At his new job, Mark is KILLING it, slaying the depression with a sales acumen that until now is unheard of. Holding court over the sales lot, Mark is a man possessed and he even had time to double down on Boston the other night…. En FUEGO Marky!!!!

The excitement around this office is palpable and as I write this, my hair stands on end. I invite you all to log onto Marks facebook page, we’ve added many new interactive links and a full montage video of Marks last week!

I do have to temper your collective enthusiasm to reiterate that Cali Girl will no longer be permitted access to Marks friends network… her activity borders on stalking and Marks personal relationship is no longer vulnerable to her considerable temptations.

The Summer of Mark is upon us, may we all raise a glass and toast the Man with the Most! Cheers!

Marks Facebook Page Editor

18 05 2010
Dave Mailman's Facebook Page Post Production Staff

Bon Jour Nugables,

At this time, we here at Dave Mailmans Facebook post production headquarters would like to inform you that the firing of his Facebook page Editor has not been followed by a new hire and our colorists, producers, flame artists and writers have been languishing in the absence of direction. We assure you that Dave’s life remains vital, we’re just one editor away from providing you the up to date information on Dave’s every move.

As you know, our economic distress has delayed our hiring process and Dave’s funds have been allocated to his elaborate wedding celebration. We are looking for Corporate Sponsors now to underwrite the crucial last moments of Dave’s free life and bring them to his many fans.

We look forward to serving you soon, thank you for your continued patience and concern,

Dave Mailmans Facebook Page Post Production Staff

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

*slow clap… stands… crescendo*

Well done, amigo.

Check you email for translations…

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Stupid monkey jizz always makes the “R” stick when I type ‘your.’

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Mike intimated a few comments up that Mark had reunited with his wife and is enjoying the second honeymoon he always dreamed of. Let me take you all on a journey, if I may, into that supposed dream reunion:

She lets him buy her drinks… screwdrivers to be specific. She thinks they’re “classier than just JD and shit.” After 9 or 10, she tells Mark to take her home. She pukes in the parking lot on the way to the car.

There is little conversation in the used Datsun as it rambles down the dirt roads to their mobile home. When she slips into the bathroom to “change into something sexy,” he eyes her mail on the sofa. Her name isn’t Helene anymore – it’s Lurleen.

She comes back out wearing a man’s t-shirt with chewing tobacco stains and her panties still wrapped loosely about one ankle. She leads Mark to their re-nuptial bedroom.

They have a water bed, naturally. Luckily for him, she’s up for a session of no-foreplay-doggie-style, which is really for the best because her breath still smells like orange puke. Another plus in her favor is that she doesn’t mind Mark banging her head off the wall while he makes passionate unfulfilling sex to her.

Just as Mark nears the home stretch, he feels someone watching him. He turns, and witnesses a kid, maybe 5 years old.

“Bastard! Her head banging against the wall woke him up!” he frantically surmises.

The runt still has a pacifier in his mouth and is still wearing diapers, for Laird’s sake. But Lurleen wants to finish. “Hold on a minute, Tater,” she tells the kid. “Momma’ll get you a Diet Coke and a pack of Doritos in a minute.”

The end.

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

By the way, I do not know Mark personally. And that was a completely fictitious story.

Mark, you know I love you braheim. I love you like the brother I ate in the womb.

18 05 2010
5 year old kid

who knew there was a camera running……

18 05 2010
Mark's Facebook Page Editor

Dear Enoch Ward

Your weak disclaimer may render you immune to shame, but we here at Mark headquarters take our resonsibility seriously. Your futile attempts to cheapen the reunification of such marital magnitude shows your obvious lack of empathy towards the fragile stage of challenged relationships world wide.

As a global Icon and role model, Mark’s path in life has exponentially more significance than your petty criticism and cynicism. Don’t worry, I’ll explain this last point to Mark in private.

We stand firmly behind our client and his continued effort to be the Mark we all know he can be…. and WILL.

Sincerely, but with some anger…

Marks Facebook Page Editor

18 05 2010
5 year old kid

who are all these strange people anyway mommy……

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mi… errr… Mar… errrr, The Facebook Editor,

*ROFLMAO!!

*(Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off)

18 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

Bagelable?

18 05 2010
NHL Fan

Soon you Nugables will know the anonymity that my sport enjoys today.

Maybe the NHL needs a new Facebook Page Editor?…..

18 05 2010
5 year old kid

uh oh, that scary breakfast is back…..

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@NHL Fan,

Are you kidding me? I have been posting some awesome stories and jokes in the comments section at The Morris Ladipus Agency for months now that are pure fuckin’ gold. I am sure to score a mega surf-journo deal out of that honeypot.

*crickets*

What?

Too soon?

18 05 2010
Tumbleweeds

Tumbleweed: ” what’s the fascination with a breakfast that can’t aspire to brunch?”

Trash blowing in the wind: ” or a blog between three people”

Tumbleweed: ” yeah, we need to kick out Elwood”.

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

There are waaaayyy more than three people following this blog. I’m pretty sure most Hawaiians would need their toes to count all of them. As for the number that comment here?

I’d put the number at five during a normal post… 7-10 during a WCT contest. The rest are vapidly typing inane garblecockery into the Twitter ether, in the vain hopes that their mindless mewlings will find purchase with someone ranked “slightly higher” on the flawed ASP Machination… forcing that victim to re-Tweet the Idiocracy into the cycle of dumbnification that has enamored this lost generation of retarded zombies hell-bent on eradicating all living brain cells.

Like Jamie O’Brien.

18 05 2010
Mike

Never question the sage advice of a tumbleweed…..

19 05 2010
Jamon Bagel

That was so good/bad I laughed/cried and then went to sleep all confused.

18 05 2010
Mark's Twitter Communication Specialist

Look, all we’re trying to do is keep people updated on Mark’s latest move, a job we all are committed to do. If you don’t like our approach to information dissemination, I suggest you, Enoch, stop using all derivatives of Oil or accept it’s compromises.

Remember the premise post guys or Mahalo means goodbye.

Oh, and Mark just burped.

18 05 2010
Breaking News

Enoch reads even gayer in French…. just sayin.

Oh the power I now weild….errr it’s all good, no worries.

May Laird help us all now…..

18 05 2010
Dave Mailman's Facebook page editor

Cher Nugable,

Mes yeux étant fermé à clef sur votre bel appareil, mon esprit se noyant dans l’éveil chaud et épais, j’ai massé l’huile au-dessus de vos bras musculeux, vos larges épaules et votre coffre puissant, fonctionnant votre peau dans un affichage brillant.

D’ailleurs, j’aime le blog.

00Rate This

18 05 2010
Enoch Ward

Dear Laird, Pandora’s box has been unleashed. Strangely, her box doesn’t smell like the mounds of dead carp carcasses that are stored in Mark’s mother’s nether regions.

18 05 2010
Lunch

All breakfast does is give the illusion of joy but the reality of beginning your day of slavery. Conversely, I provide a mid day dose of redemption and all dinner really means is enough food to soak up the alcohol. Scoreboard lunch.

19 05 2010
stego

You guys are weird…

19 05 2010
Worf Speed

nuq DIchDaq jIH lan wIj Daq DaH vetlh Nugables ‘ej PostSurf ‘oH Heghpu’ PeterPerfect ‘oH homo HIja’.

19 05 2010
Lunch

You win Worf… can’t figure it out but the ending…. gotta go prep the most anticipated meal of the day.

This can’t go on much longer…..

19 05 2010
Lance

Has anyone tried to comment over at PostSurf since 1000? Are they really turned off. I would try, but I don’t want to wreck the milestone.

19 05 2010
T

MARVIN FOSTER DIED!!!! Wonder from what??

19 05 2010
trauzersnake

comment 1001 at postsurf is awaiting moderation! WTF??

19 05 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

Lew… er, “Some Guy From PostSurf” has turned the comments off.

Turn out the lights PostSurf’s over they say that all good things must end
Let’s call it a night the party’s over and tomorrow maybe Mike’ll start a new blog again

What a crazy crazy blog, never seen such fucked up people
Laughin’, arguin’, look at you you’re havin’ fun
But look at me I’m almost cryin’ but that don’t keep me from masturbatin’
In misery cause for me PostSurf’s over.

Turn out the lights…

Once I had a love undyin’, I didn’t keep it – wasn’t tryin’
Life for me was just PostSurf and then Nugable
I commented so many times, had to have my party wine
But one night they up and said sweetheart the party’s over.

Turn out the lights…

19 05 2010
Old Kook

…….time for Nug to freshen it up. Would hate to hit the 1000 mark and have the lights turned off.

RIP PostSurf.

19 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Sorry my friend Old Kook, but your memorial needs to include Nugable.

Nice try Trauser tryin go resuscitate Post Surf… but the plug was pulled when Mailmans internet went down and the comments went inactive for too long, no pulse left. Dave hung in there, alone for such a long time, but you can only cut and paste the ASP rulebook to an empty audience so long.

19 05 2010
Tws

Marvin Foster took his own life.

19 05 2010
trauzersnake

I’ve seen clearer videos of most convenience store robberies than that from the Punta Lobos, Chile Big Wave contest.

19 05 2010
Dingh L. Berry

Do not talk about convenience store robbery you big snake son of a dick motherfucker!!!

19 05 2010
Tannhauser Deckardsworth

There’s a contest on at Stab for free custom boardshorts. Mike, my money is on you baby. Do us proud!

19 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Oh Enoch, you know the game…

The cloud of a writers strike and the “success” of “Who wants to be a Millionaire” gave studio suits the impression that the sheeple were so anesthetized that they would digest any vomit…. minus directors, writers and premise. Really, just cameramen and an insurance policy in case some moron “wins”. Imagine the savings from a heavy labor paradigm.

Who needs talent when you can rent morons for free. Create an environment for infighting and watch a mayhem that could never be scripted. Reality.

Now Taylor Steele mines the same well which inspires QUiksilver. Wonder how many “art directors” random submissions render obsolete?

Hollywood realized that talent could be circumvented. Has Quiksilver?

19 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Sorry, kinda drunk, but I watched that shit go down and TSteele is just the latest vulture of free submission. Ok, Quik had their ears open.

The race to the bottom is almost comprehensive, welcome to Corporatocracy.

20 05 2010
20 05 2010
Hmmm

whats the point????

The gulf is fucked nobody cares and the few that do are laughed at.

MORAL: The US and its people deserve this and we can only hope now that the Southeastern US and its economy crashes completely.

You get out of life what you put in and Americans have put nothing in for a long time.

20 05 2010
Schlurg

The “hope” that the southeastern US and it’s economy crashes completely, is fucken lame! This is an ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER. This isn’t about calibammy’s brethren paying for their ignorance.
Think pelagic species decimated by toxic plumes.
The effects of this morass will reach far beyond the gulfs shores. The Gulfstream will have oil showing up in Mailmans wax in no time.
I hope I’m wrong.

20 05 2010
hmmm

I live in fla and understand all too well.

The economy crashing do to the slick is the only way MOST FAT ASS AMERICANS will even care. $$$$$ is all that matters to the US.

Remember when gas was $4 gallon and Hybrids were the rage???? What happened??

Its so dishearting, Day 30 and Surfer’s website still hasnt even mentioned it.

Pros/photogs from where I live, St. Augustine, dont even care . (jimmicane and gabe kling)

Instead this 6.0 win is the “best thing ever”, he could of thought about mentioning the oil spill that is going to impact his home state and its neighbors?

but that would take considering someone other than yourself and thats not acceptable in surfing.

The point is I will be there to cleanup up the beach just like I do every monday when all the tourist are gone and their trash remains.

And your not wrong, Lets see what makes it to PENICHE first RIP HURL or the TARBALLS????

20 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Hmmmm is right about it all. I’m obviously ashamed for this environmentally, but Americans feel entitled to wealth without effort. We don’t hold our elected officials feet to the fire about anything and the apathy of the south is a direct correlation to religious submission and deep seeded racism. We literally had our bill or rights taken away and now our constitution while tea party morons whine about raising taxes…. when THEIR taxes have been lowered by the black man.

Money V Humanity…. and Humanity better fight like hell because we’ve allowed Money a monster head start. I don’t see it happening, our shallow culture will just embrace the victim aesthetic and become even more divisive. Nobody is personally to blame, everyone else is and no one wants to lift a finger.

Where is our “justice department”? Not one single Bankster deserves jail time? BP controls the media presentation of THEIR disaster?

Time to emmigrate boys to better surf.

21 05 2010
Global cooling

Ahh the days when there was no VOR. Mike was the only communist on this site, but now we get Pravda in stereo.

Hey VOR how ’bout addressing my name GLOBAL COOLING? Does it piss you off that I mock your (well, you and your comrades) theory (a fact to you of course) of anthropogenic global warming that you “progressives” (that’s what you like to be called right?) have pedaled as fact?

Please discuss. Tell us all here how the earth is warming and we need to lower our carbon footprint because if we don’t, the .05% of carbon that man contributes is going to cause the poles to melt.

Also, what is this knee jerk defense of the president I’ve noticed from you? Aren’t you disappointed that he’s the president of the crony banking fraternity? We’ve hashed this out before, yet you persist. “Too big to fail” – the legacy of BO. If you want to go down the road that there’s not much difference between Bush and Obama on some of the big issues, I’ll agree with that. Bush started with the “stimulus” and Obama took it to a another level, but Bush is just as guilty.

But poor Barack, he was handed the presidency at such a bad time. Really, none of this (high unemployment, unprecidented spending, destruction of the currency) is his fault……That about right? BO can’t fail…it’s impossible, all perceived failure is really George Bushes failure. The teflon pres. as it were.

Now I see in a comment above from you, that you admitted to something I suspected all along…mainly that you post in a state of drunkenness (we know already that Mike is stoned while posting) so your ramblings should be taken as they are – by a drunk – and should be dismissed by all the decent clear headed Nug readers (have of which are loaded as well but at least aren’t boring).

So Mike (the pot head) and VOR (the drunk) are carrying the progressive torch! Go get ’em… the bagel’s right behind you!

I’ll check on your sure to be scathing reply in a few days (whereas you’ll be up late tonight typing your riposte; Should be the most happening Friday you’ve had in some time!)

20 05 2010
Bathsheba

Voice of Reality seems to have 98 quips, quibbels, quarrels and complaints versus roughly 2 solutions.

This blog is a joke and it is no surprise that Steve has basically given up. It consists of 40% Mike and 40% Enoch Ward and 15% Mark-Bagel and 5% everyone else.

What is next in the post Post Surf era?

20 05 2010
Tannhauser Deckardsworth

@Bathsheba,

You forgot the 0.5% bed wetting, mule cock gargling, boogie board worshipping non-thinkers that inhabit this site.

Good to have you back.

20 05 2010
Schlurg

Down by the wellhead,
Oil plumes spewin up, nozzles of dispersants spewin at the spew.
Dispersant is solvent that breaks down the oil on a molecular level.
Imagine how gnarly this shit is.
It’s so gnarly, that the EPA are making them switch to a “less toxic”dispersant.

We’ve got a bad monster movie in the works.

20 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Can’t you write something positive Shlurg? Bathsheba will stop reading and we’ll be down to only cynics. We should all take his lead and invest in Oil, ignore the wars and pray for mores.

Laird bless you Bathsheba, let’s focus on the positive!

Gabe Kling ASP champ! Yeah!

20 05 2010
Bathsheba

Boring comments.

BTW funny to watch the dirtbag president of Mexico standing on the south lawn of the White House lecturing us on immigration when his country is far tougher and more brutal than Arizona.

The Obama administration will go down in history as the beginning of the end of the American dream.

21 05 2010
George W.

Yeah, wasn’t me….heh heh. Darn tootin!

21 05 2010
George W.

Its the Mexicans! Yeah! Them dirtbag mexicans!

20 05 2010
Schlurg

Afraid “the beginning of the end of the American dream”
started a long time ago.
Closer to the last throes of THE END!

How’s that for positive, VOR?

20 05 2010
Voice of Reality

@Schlurg…

This experiment in democracy is destroyed by a cultures devotion to Money. Root of all evil is a concept that stands the test of time. Allow Money to control anything and the humanity involved becomes collateral damage to Money.

Bush’s puppet masters spent 30 years planting a time bomb ( deregulation) and the next president has an entire party devoted to selling that dream while having nothing to add other than a devotion to Money.

Obama was fucked from day one and never realized that his fight was far more comprehensive than any individual “issue”. It is the fight for humanity and would require systemic change.

What are we to do? What’s the solution? Patronize ourselves as often as possible. The only way to kill the snake is to take away it’s prey.

Keep believing Schlurg, it’s a modern call for pure patriotism, not a phony war on terror.

As for Bathsheba….. that phony president in Mexico introduced George Bush to his idyllic business model… an elite supported by modern day serfs.

And it’s nearly complete.

Happy Friday debt slaves… it’s not an accident or a coincidence.

20 05 2010
Mike

Why does it take VOR to carry the message that EVERYONES current situation begs for?

Are we immune to continued pilllaging of the ideals we’ve been sold as rights?

Is a scripted sound bite more effective than your personal current state of urgency?

Is hate and division more compelling than unity and resolution?

Our modern America would never even fight a revolutionary war. Heck, it doesn’t even cared to… someone else’s “job”. Probably a Mexicans job…. better be legal or at least cheap. But does it matter when there literally is no enforcement of the laws already in place and who does that favor… Money.

Unfortunately, apathy and entitlement equal road kill and it’s no coincidence that so many find themselves a victim to their Money…. or what they thought was theirs.

Money V Humanity.

20 05 2010
The Honorable Reverend Haywood Jablome

“This experiment in democracy is destroyed by a cultures devotion to Money. Root of all evil is a concept that stands the test of time.”

Mike.

Tsk. Tsk.

You sound like a devout follower of our dear Laird’s Bible. Oye Vey. This is where the lefty’s and righty’s lose me. Money is the root of all evil? Or… the LOVE of money is the root of all evil? Meanwhile, every sentient being since Magogg Uggbooty first stumbled out of the cave has used currency as a form of trade. Get your pious dildos out of your ass long enough to recognize that the environment ALWAYS takes a back seat to politics. Because the political realm is generally ruled by benevolent dipshits following in their parent’s shadows with pushed college GPA’s and healthy trustfunds pillowing their failure… pretty much like every corpo fat cat.

Aye… now thar be the question ye scurvey dumb fuckskulls.

Blow up ye olde system… or start anew elsewhere?

I, for one, have already purchased soil abroad lads… I suggest ye do likewise.

21 05 2010
Mike

I follow no book of fairy tales Jablome, only used a familiar phrase to paint the obvious that seemingly hides from the oblivious. Sometimes you have to translate for those less inclined… the frustration of mining an empty mind.

But you make good points regarding the trust fund gen. In my day, you fail at high school and USC opens it’s lauded arms to catch your fall…. as long as your folks can afford an exagerrated tuition. Now most kids graduate virtual serfs and the trend will continue to smaller enrollment.

As another commenter above lamented Mexico, George Bush regarded that country as his role model. Reduce the middle class to wage slaves and consolidate the top of the economic triangle to a connected few. It is a plan going quite well and old Georgie was only the conduit for the plan, hardly the author.

Vaya con dios or as they say in Texas, God Bless y’all.

21 05 2010
Voice of Reality

Here is what happens when the Global Coolings of the world get their business first model…. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/21/science/earth/21conflict.html?partner=rss&emc=rss

Like asking Chris Dodd to oversee banking. Did the 9/11 Commission have their report printed in 2000?

Layers of compromise filters layers of incompetence and a centrally owned Media reports only that which the board of directors approve… one big happy family.

21 05 2010
hmmm

I would like to announce that SURFER has now posted a story on the OIL Spill.

Fucking treehuggers.

I would like to also announce that GABE made a mention of the SPill during an interview on ESPN.

Thanks to both of the above on behalf of the GULF OF MEXICO.

Now will one of you explain why surfer waited a month????

21 05 2010
Morton Beefknuckle

Oh good grief! There’s been another oil spill??

It seems like it was just a few weeks ago that we had a huge spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and now this? Another spill? In the same area???

My goodness.

Thank you Nugable from keeping us up to date and current with our environmental news. This post is timely, and just what we needed to deal with this calamity.

21 05 2010
Old Kook

At this point, whether you’re on the right, the left or a centrist. I’d say all have to agree that this calamity of epic fuckwad proportions is painfully horrific. Blame lies squarely on BP, government oversight and severl “moneyed” groups. Regardless of your political or socioeconomic leanings, you can’t deflect the obvious.

We all are here beacause we surf. We, I would hope in turn, have a vested interest in the environment if not just the ocean. With that said, maybe we can lay down the partisan bullshit and demand action and culpability. Do any of us want to see this happen on this level ever again?

So instead of just bitching on a blog (which really is damn fun, though), take a minute to write a sober, well thought out letter to those that are in power.

Will it help?? (Yeah, I know the real answer there, but one can hope). It’s better than fuckery on a blog with diatribe going nowhere.

Let’s save the interweb for what it’s meant for. Porn and bashing pro surfers we’re not as talented as. With that said….dammit Nug put up a new post.

***Back into my corner I go*****

21 05 2010
The Honorable Reverend Haywood Jablome

@Old Kook,

Spot on mate.

But watching righties and lefties argue till they’re blue in the face, knowing full well that they haven’t a sandwich’s chance on Kekoa’s plate of convincing the other side of the apparent errors in their ways can be fun too. Without brother Mark and brother Mike on this blog, we’d just be reading brother Enoch Rottmouth flex his third grade humor and knowledge about lots of bullshit. And the late brother Dave Mailman’s ASP updates.

Too bad Pope John Paul Nug the First found greener pastures writing hardcore gangsta rap songs for Suge Knight and can no longer fulfill his duty of posting stuff here for zero cash moolah. Although, slaving to post blogs with no filthy lucre as a means of compensation should make brother Mike happy.

Nigga hasta eats too, ya feels me!

21 05 2010
Gurgling EunuchMewl

Memo to the next asshole who starts a blog like this (which I may or may not religiously follow)… disable the embedded comments ability. There is nothing more fucking annoying than coming to a blog, seeing there are three new comments, and having to scroll through 300-400 comments trying to find the new ones.

And to those who insist on nesting, just fucking post at the bottom and use the @ sign to address your friend or foe.

*ends rant*

21 05 2010
Old Kook

@ Gurgling: Here, here. I second that, wholeheartedly.

22 05 2010
Dick cheney

OK what the hell I go on stab and someone took my other name misspells it and writes a bunch of bull? I am dick cheney,scrotie mcboogerballs and,the future,forget thousands of fisherman and tourist dependant locals screwed by oil this makes me angry,If the FAKE SCROTIE READS THIS, SUCK MY SCROTE(bp can do that too) any other multiple personalities wanna come out cuz I think this site may be pulling a postsurf and I wanna know if it’s just 4 dudes sitting in a room going back and forth from pornotube with different names,cuz I’m starting to think….(first time in a while and yes I am getting a headache from the act)

22 05 2010
Mike

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

The Senate is fucked, hound your rep…. they really are supposed to work for you. Incumbents are lost amongst lobbyist influence ($).

Nothing to be proud of, we’re the laughing stock. Earn your patriotism. Adios.

22 05 2010
Mike

Dear Steve Nug,

I love Chicago Bear football and my criticism of that fucking team makes my comments here seem tame.

I know you don’t give a shit, but check out this link…

http://beargoggleson.com/2010/05/11/bears-dont-rank-in-cbs-sports-power-rankings/#comments

A blog with NO commenting secures national sponsors….. this dude is selling nothing and YOU have an active “clientele’ and industry exposure. Too bad you’re not as intelligent as the dumb fuck that rolls out some football “expertise” off season to very few readers.

A template to freedom.

23 05 2010
trauzersnake

Brooks and Dunn=Cumdumpsters

23 05 2010
Mark

I believe Nug lost his fire for this site right around the Lantern-Sorrows of Young Dante period roughly 4 to 6 weeks ago.

Personally I thought the Lantern laid down some mean tracks here and should be commended for his anti-drug and alcohol stance amongst the legions of hammered stoners that fill this minor league roster.

BTW watched the Shane Dorian surfline wipeout piece where he describes his 2 wave hold down at Mavericks in horrific and sincere detail. I think I stained my Hanes right when he grunted “kaBOOM” describing the detonation of the second bomb right before he surfaced for air.

Hard to relate to that.

26 05 2010
trauzersnake

I’ve stained many a pair of hanes whilst grunting “kaboom” It washes out though…..usually.

23 05 2010
trauzersnake

@Mark-

That shane dorian wipeout was gnarly-but you should watch the one with Neil Mattheis @ Mavericks. THREE wave holdown AND manually paddled out and in. Great storytelling too. Hard to top that…..and live. BTW Merle Haggard is rolling over in his grave right now….even though I don’t think he’s dead yet.

23 05 2010
trauzersnake

…not only 3 wave hold down, but a trip thru the rocks too. GNARLY

23 05 2010
Boomerang Thoughtbubble

“Stab: Been jealous of anyone else’s itinerary?

“Taj: [after scoring Keramas] I think my itinerary is pretty flawless but I did get pretty jealous watching the waves at that 6.0 contest at Trestles. I was watching that going, “Man, I would love to surf Lowers like that right now.”

Well, it’s nice to know that “average” Trestles has the upper tier of the WCT frothing their jealous nuggets. I, for one, would love to hear Mike continue his argument as to why the 6.0 wasn’t ‘The Most PROGRESSIVE Surfing Contest’ we’ve witnessed. I would also love to hear him spin tales on the days where it was better than ‘average’ so those of us who weren’t born before 1940 can know what that was truly like.

After all that yarning he’s wont to do, I can’t wait for Mike to repeat his adage that Trestles isn’t a World class wave.

If World Class surfers are frothing to surf ‘average’ waves at a supposed ‘World Class’ break causes one to type…

… wait…

… shit…

“MEDIC!!”

“Call in the medic”

“Mike’s anti-depressants weren’t delivered on time.”

24 05 2010
trauzersnake

Fuck, anybody know of any good free porn sites?

26 05 2010
Elwood

“You Jizz”

25 05 2010
stego

maybe you can masturbate with this http://www.livestream.com/oilspill

25 05 2010
SMyrna Jeff's Diaphram

Taj probably saw easy money at Trestles and realized without Kelly it was easy pickings Mark. If Keramas was good, he wasn’t sweating lully heats at low tide.

But I’m just a diaphram shoved up Jeff’s ass because Jeff thought Mark would get him pregnant.

25 05 2010
mark

SmyrnaJeff and myself have never had relations beyond an occasional Old Milwaukee and a bowl full of chron while night fishing off of Ponce.

25 05 2010
Good ol boy dictionary

“relations”….. sex without a condom.

25 05 2010
Blade Jugulacerate

Don’t be fooled boys.

“Old Milwaukee” is Floridian for “Cleveland Steamer.”

When he wrote “a bowl full of Crohn’s,” that should have been the tip-off.

25 05 2010
San Clemente Rumor Mill

Heard a rumor that Paul Fisher shagged CaliGirl during the Nike 6.0 contest.

The clerk at the hotel where they met said that she walked out with an unsatisfied, empty look and commented that Lantern had a bigger Gorkin and more staying power.

25 05 2010
SmyrnaJeff

I miss Nug.

25 05 2010
Wounded Albatross

Is “Bathsheba” Mr. Kelly Slater in real life?

26 05 2010
G.G.D.K

Rumour (mark)too:
The lantern went on a sudden trip just before the Oil spill happen.

The Truth is,
The lantern was driving the boat,not BP.
He’s comment after the spill,was as,
as follows;

“sooo so stoked,that Fanning won’t floater his way to another stolen world title,this year,
If I had to kill and fuck the ocean with my boating skills to make it happen, then so be it,
like
rad-E-kool dude, gnarly,
It’s King Kellys number 10 in 2010,
no Micktory eva again or I’ll smash another Oil filled Ship into ‘the Search Pro’ next.mark my words,aaarrrrr motherfarkers”

26 05 2010
Good ol boy dictionary

Hey Yaw’l but spessially Jeff,

Don’t cry a river cuz nuggies gone missin, it’s along crewl break in da ASP skedjule wid noddin to post bout pro surfin. Shur, Ornge County had a context at that creampuff peek, but the drreeeeem tour fell asleep and one of our boyz took home the World Title!. To us it is becoz Nike is a corporashun and we conservatives shur luv our commurshals.

Hey Mark, dam dude, that Rand Paul guy shur is mixin it up wid dem radical libbies eh? Fuck yeah disintegration, peel back that bullshit Martin KIng equality crap and get em back to tail of the bus. Dreeel baby dreeel dat oyl so as we can keep our monster trucks runnin on Hi octane! Whyle Im at it, fuck dem mooslims in the sand and steel all dat oyle for the good ol USA! Jus as long as dem fags mind ther manners and qwit begging for my marriage! Dat shit is sacred, don’t they eva go to church??!!!!

Az fo the oyl slick cummin, we dwon here say God wanted us to be indypendnt from Mooslems, so hes deliverin FREE oyl to us! Me, Jeff and the booyz r goin down to the beech and collectin us some supplies. Thank God and praise BP!!!! What’s dat Gorkin?……

BP stands for Briddish Petroleum?! Who da hell allowed dem to dreeel in our gulf anyway?!!!!! Fuggin Obama.

26 05 2010
Bathsheba

Mark is a fucking kook.

26 05 2010
Judge and Jury

We all agree. Mark’s a barn.

27 05 2010
@ G.G.D.K.

You’re a fucking idiot, have you even read any report on the spill itself? Its from a well, which was being drilled, not an oil tanker you fucking idiot. Rigs and ships, two very different things. Get your facts straight you look like a bunch of wankers

28 05 2010
stego

oil spill??

28 05 2010
Scribonerus Libido

Boy oh boy, another oil spill eh? I don’t believe it. Next thing you know, Nug will be telling us that Gary Coleman died.

Pssshhhhhttt!!!

29 05 2010
Chuck Buckets

this site is an endless bummer!

30 05 2010
Mark

If I started my own blog, not half ass but 100% focused and well researched and hopefully well written with some good long interviews with legends and not so much legends would any of you halfwits read it? And also up to date frothing hardcore well explained minite to minute pro tour analysis?

To be continued.

30 05 2010
G.G.D.K

RE:@G.G.D.K.
I read a BP spono’d paper, and it doesn’t lie so fuck u,
back OKkk.

IT said ship, not a well$,
& I believe it,
also I believe that baby ju’sus is cumming back to suck up all the bad Gass and save the day once again.\Amen

Papers don’t lie…only people do

P.S. Bring back Bush,no oil spills under his control,
He just fucked up other countries not he’s own,
In the true Amercian spirit
oi oi oil

31 05 2010
smyrna geoffrey

Hey Enoch. Someone named queequeg took you to task over at Kurungabaa after you evidently oFfended his Hull riding sensibilities. Looks like they censored your comments though.

Why no response? Are you beaten?

31 05 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mark (Smyrna whoever),

I have been camping near the Cali / Ore boarder for a few days with my family. The internet was the least of my concerns. Just before our embarkation, I did see that my two rifled responses to the offended “Huller” were edited by the Almighty powers that be o’er yonder. I shrugged and muttered, “another surf blog bites the dust of irrelevancy.”

I visited “yonder” once more upon my return this evening and that will be that. For me to continue an argument as trite as a boogie-boarder’s dignity in a forum less affirming than Mussolini’s manicurist would make as much sense as two mute burglars attempting a knife fight from several furloughs apart.

What I have learned in my brief four-decades of commenting on PostSurf and Nugable, is the unfortunate fact that the Wild West was never won by gunslingers and renegade lawmen – but by the cruel and tyrannical bitch-slap of governmental thunder belching. Pity… that.

There but for a brief respite amongst two surfing blogs went I. PostSurf and Nugable providing the catharsis for the few who didn’t fit the stereotypical surf-blog molds:

1. Those who know no words in excess of three syllables.

2. The preachy muthufuggaz whose collective butthole’s are wound tighter than a dehydrated deer tick and whose sense of humor would only be understood by the aging perpetual college students who soil their patchouli-scented panties at the thought of learning to speak Chinese; or the puerile teen female who worships at the altar of Dane Cook.

We know who Queequeg is. And may he rest there in silent peace. Peter Bowes and Clifton Evers are extremely gifted writers who I have the utmost respect for. That I have chosen against partaking in their bloggy banter should be a relief to the rice-cake thin testicles of their minions.

Now that Nugable has run its course, I believe I am finished with surfing blogs and the endless monotony of nothingness that spews forth from the rotten, retreaded mouth of a gutted and pilfered sport.

Perhaps I will see you on the other side.

-E.W.

Doody calls.

1 06 2010
trauzersnake

@EW-

Say it ain’t so, mayne!

2 06 2010
Satan

May america(including every man, woman and child) and its greed burn in BP made hell forever.

****lantern has been spotted on stab

3 06 2010
Mark

#EW

Good riddance em effer.

3 06 2010
trauzersnake

May Urine Van Der Sloot feel the pressure of peruvian cock on his filthy taint forever more. Amen.

3 06 2010
Sammy J.

I feel it is my duty to inform you all that yes, indeed, Nugable is correct when he posted that there was an oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico.

Thank you, and good night.

3 06 2010
Mark

Sucks that Nug bailed without a peep to his commenters. At least Lewis gave us a Dear John letter.

Nug is a typical liberal. Loves to preach and lecture but as soon as things go south and his interests are no longer being served he bails without a word.

3 06 2010
Mark

Killer head high a-frames today in North County.

4 06 2010
Simon Oarghasm

Oh my. An oil spill? Well, I hope it doesn’t get too bad.

4 06 2010
The Grim Reefer

From the Grim Reefer….

aka Elwood
aka Lennon, Stern, Einstein
aka Anontio Cromartie

Nice knowing you boys, it’s been real.

Mark, if you start a blog I’m down with you. Just don’t elimidate Mike, or I aint gonna hang around.

Now that’s it’s summer I’d rather go perv out on the sand than banter with you loons anyways.

Late,

Elwood.

5 06 2010
the lantern

joy for the world the nug is dead……whahahahaha……nug took a leaf out of dantes book but he didn’t write a swan song.
Righto cunt……..one of you bastards go and write a fresh new uncensored blog and i’ll be there to write you all off.
Enoch ward your a dirty old man with leprosy
Mark, Jesus called. He said he was to busy eating peters fish to talk to you.

6 06 2010
the black swan

Shaka-laka lantern brother!

5 06 2010
Mike

@Elwood…. “elimidate”???

I go away for a week and come home to Enoch quitting, Mark claiming, Elwood inferring he has a life, Nug playing the absentee principal and a surprise visit from a banished and joyless lighting fixture. Sounds about right, with the obvious exception of no breakfast.

Time for another trip, but I’ll be glued to my laptop goggling Mark’s for new blog.

BTW… Enoch, I hate wearing underwear so I have no need for Patchouli.

As for the esteemed Trauszer, may the dutch rapist find the justice Aruba has sold.

Interesting note….. In Mexico, EVERY news cast begins with lengthy daily coverage of the oil spill. Yeah, Mexico is reporting the carnage while America supports BP’s obstruction of information. Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmm……… but there I go taking the water dish away from my pet deer tick again.

Wish I could say it’s glad to be home, but I must follow Blaspemy of Transelvania and bid you all adieu.

Start your blog Calibammy.

Good luck SN.

6 06 2010
Stu

ahahahahahaha. enoch ward and mike getting beat down by kurugabaa!! even ‘surfer’s journal light’ could see through your attempts. you fools tried to infiltrate stab and likebitchin too. you suck!! i enjoyed watching your demise once postsurf failed and this piece of shit blog folded up. you don’t understand surfing or surfers at all do you? we take ourselves super seriously in case you haven’t noticed. go back to reading porno mags and surfing crap waves and leave the serious stuff to big boys.

6 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

I am temporarily unretiring just to tell Stu he has exactly half the brain plasma of the unidentified flying gnat-thing I just squished all over my copy of Jugs.

6 06 2010
trauzersnake

One last time??…….

Stu=Cumdumpster.

6 06 2010
Oliver Tits

“Surfer’s Journal Light”

Haw haw.

I have no idea what else you were talking about, or what that website peddles, but that there tells me all I need to know.

Try hardest.

7 06 2010
fart

bummer

7 06 2010
Mark

Got on WordPress and began a little research on blogdom.

Lotta legalese and stipulations and fine print. Makes me think that the real reason Lewis bailed had to do more with lawyers knocking on the door of his rank studio apartment in the Sunset district than boredom with his blog. Not sure about Nug. Seems like Steve would have stepped it up after his Slater interview rather than give up.

Anyway I love surfing and for some reason I am also infatuated with the pro tour. Am I a decent writer? Not sure. Am I funny? Not half as much as Enoch Ward or Lewis Samuels. Do I have self discipline? HAIIIILLLLLL NO!!!!!

So maybe starting a blog would simply turn into yet another well intentioned but half ass failure. And it would most certainly increase my odds of a beat down should I choose to return to the North Shore.

Maybe I will just move up to the NorthWest and become a single drop of rain?

7 06 2010
Mark

P.S.

Paul Mccartney fuckin SUCKS!

7 06 2010
obbama

now,,now,, mark, me and the first lady had a wonderful threesome with that little english prick….

7 06 2010
Pancho Via

Sad to hear about that oil spill. Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you guys out.

7 06 2010
Ron B

Heard about that oil spill. I feel so bad for the people of Alaska. I am driving up there tomorrow to see if I can help out. Wish me luck!

7 06 2010
Mike

How would Stu have known? The editors at that insular blog did wipe me clean, but Stab remains open to “infiltration”. Seriously dude, isn’t that the nature of a blog, commenting?

Helen Thomas received a presidential courtmarshall after not towing the Israel company line and freedom of speech suffered another critical loss. As precedents pile up, our first ammendment is vanishing before our eyes. What occurs at Kurungabaa is the same type of censorship…. a private audience regulating a public resource… in fear of the truth.

It’s definitely their perogative, but it’s also an exercise in ignorance.

You got me Stu. We’re you really spending every moment watching that site because they had Ari Fliescher(ed) me in mere minutes. But I’ll let you get back to the big boy activities of serious stuff in a surf industry.

Mark, both Lewis and Nug left abruptly… although Lewis signed off. I think it had more to do with their ambitions within the surf industry and less with lawyers visits late at night. Start your blog and PLEASE move back to the rock, you’re ping ponging almost makes you sound republican.

8 06 2010
Q.Q.

Mike,

I didn’t like the way they treated you and Enoch over there and let my small voice be known. I’ve actually commented there more than here or PostSurf or anywhere else over the last year or so (please don’t call me names because of that). I’m just not as funny as you fuckin’ blokes. Here’s the deal mate:

Kurungabaa is like listening to a few mates sitting around a sidewalk cafe on the trendy side of the shore, sipping lattes, retelling stories from people who have been there and done that. That’s what they do. Very well crafted posts and very well mimicked responses by a very ‘well’ educated and specifically targeted audience. A very narrow path they have laid, but it is easier to be narrow, no?

PostSurf and the bastard son of Nugable brought to life the image of whiskey soaked mates around a campfire somewhere in Nicaragua, ribbing to near fisticuffs one moment, while tearing up in laughter the next. Unpretentious times by a few blue collar blokes, roughnecks, bedouins and the occasional professional surfer. Like it or not, PostSurf did something that no other blog did… perhaps inadvertently, perhaps through Lewis Samuel’s genius… by fostering a community of creativity and freedom that appealed to everyday surfers who could read and write and completely blew apart every heavily censored form of surfing media; from Kurungabaa, to Stab, to TransWorld Surf, to Surfline, to JoeSchmoe’sSurfBlogDotCom.

The only place Clif misspoke was when he said you could get the same “banter” of PostSurf and Nugable at ASL, Surfing, Surfer, Surfline, etc… which is embarrasingly ignorant on his part. But I will cut him some slack, as he is an Australian Doctor. Yes, like Phil in America. Fact: nothing has remotely approached the pure hilarity and mayhem that transpired at PostSurf at any other surfing website. Funny thing is, that everyone knows this. PostSurf was like the old ‘Run Man’ when everyone else was trying to make the next ‘Bunyip Dreaming’. Sure Bunyip was good, but provocative and edgy? No.

Clif was right. Separate but equal. Segregation in 2010… works for surfers apparently, since we are stuck in the 60’s mentally. You just happen to be the Negro side of their little equation.

If only we could have seen the heavyweights square off.

I would have paid good Euros to see Blasphemy Rottmouth go toe to toe with a few of the holier-than-thou’s from the stodgier-than-thou website. Like watching a dragon devour a wagonload of Amish peasants.

Speaking of which, where did that asshole go?

8 06 2010
Slater's Caddie

What is Kurangulbaaa?

8 06 2010
yo

todd kline is the industry’s bitch (as well as slaters)

8 06 2010
Slater's Caddie

Yes but those balls are so very tasty with your mom’s yeast discharge buttered on them. 😉

9 06 2010
yo

does that mean your not gay and that being a “bitch” is just a day job????

8 06 2010
Lamonte Peenywhistle

My girlfriend tells me I have Halliburton every morning before I brush my teeth. It may have something to do with my spreading gingivitus. I hear that mouthwash is an effective way of treating Halliburton, but I think I’ll let my doctor tell me for sure. He likes to tell me lots of things when making me turn my head and cough. Maybe he tells me to turn my head because my Halliburton?

Anyways, I just hope that Halliburton doesn’t have to do with crude oil spilling into our precious ocean. I mean, at least spill non-crude oil. I hear non-crude oil is much nicer to animals and such.

Thanks for letting me share, Mr. Nugable.

9 06 2010
BVB

“I told them we are trying to get away from precisely the sort of “banter” that took place on these sites: Postsurf and Nugable. We don’t need it here. I have begun blocking the IP addresses they have used to date. I will continue to block whatever IP addresses they use and comments by them as soon people notify me as these trolls pop up. If anyone wants to discuss this please email Pete or I. Any comments by them people identify and want removed please let me know.”

HAW. CLASSIC. NUTSACK DILLWEED NON-CENTS*9$! CLOSE UP FUCKING SHOP WHEN “OTHERS” MIX IT UP. BLOK DIS AN BLOK DAT. PAT BUCHANAN WUD B PROUD O YO STYLEZ. FUCKIN PUSSY ASS SHIT BREATHERS^5! NO FUCKING SKILLZ FOR VERBAL COMBATZZZZ. YOOOO. LOLZ TO THA COPTRZ!!!11!

NEWZ IGNANT BAT: U JUST GOTS RIK-ROLLED. LOOK IT UP ON U-TUBE DIMWITS.

PEECE YALLZ.

9 06 2010
The Nug

Programming note: I’m on hiatus. Perhaps I’ll muster up a few posts in the very near future.

9 06 2010
Penor Tucksworth

Alright Nug, but be careful – they just had a giant earthquake in Hiatus and lots of people were killed, and I heard there is some rioting in parts, so you may want to wear a helmet and flak jacket while you’re over there.

9 06 2010
Cyrus

You’ve been missed Nug, surf industry needs your posts. Hope you can find a way to make money off the site.

9 06 2010
Tanner Georgehamiltonski

“muster up a few posts”?

You know you can build fences using things other than posts. I would suggest concrete… or even brick depending on the style of trailor you live in. At any rate, I hope you can find the right posts you’re looking for… wood may be cheaper than metal these days. Home Depot has a great deal going on the 4×4’s and 6×8’s right now.

9 06 2010
Fake peterbowes

thank god, your monkeys are slinging their feces all over our beloved cyberspace… wanker

9 06 2010
Fake Clifton Evers

I agree Fake PeterBowes. I nearly had a heart attack when Nug’s uncircumsized heathens came all over our faces. I only admit this to you, my dearest confidant, that it did taste better than I thought.

Well, back to playing Doctor with my closest friends. You all have fun in this disgusting place.

9 06 2010
Fake Nug

Well dudes and brochachos, I finally made bail. That second felony for posession really puts me in a bind now. Mike must be much more discreet in his shipments of fine green to my trailer. County wasn’t so bad though dudes… I made nice with Nig… African American community and they accepted me like their own. I never knew acceptance could make my butthole feel sooooo damn good.

Well, now that I’m free, Rockin’ Fig and I are goin’ down to Mex to score Mike’s secret spot around the rocks at the one place in that one town. Wish me luck broheimnals.

I’ll be back soon buzzed like a muthufucka and ready to throw down some tasty posts to help you all deal with the boredom of waiting for swell, the three years wait for the next WCT event, and all those boring ass surf blogs that have shunned you out of petrified fear. Surfers… we take our selves so damn serious for being a bunch of clowns, eh brah!!?

Lates mates!!

10 06 2010
Mark

Take your time Nug. No need to rush.

10 06 2010
trauzersnake

Which is longer: a hiatus or a sabattical? I tried to take a break from masturbating once….and let’s just say I made neither hiatus nor sabattical status. More like “floating holiday” maybe. Come back soon Nug!

10 06 2010
Mark

@Trauzersnake

Sounds to me like you masturbate often.

Are you married? Do you have sex with different babes around town?

Whats the scoop broheim?

10 06 2010
Fake Derek Reilly

Trauzersnake jacks off so much his wee wee calluses are harder than a hog’s hoof. He has to wear carpenter gloves and lube with llama spittle and turtle wax when he gets in the mood… every 13.5 seconds.

In fact, he once stuck his wee wee in a toaster and the damn toaster short-circuited the 12 volt panel in his single wide.

Pretty soon, he’ll only be aroused by the sight of Chas Smith prancing nude around his room with his micro-junk tucked cleanly betwixt his freshly shorn thighs…

… just like me.

11 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

True story. I was in that toaster. Still have the nightmares.

11 06 2010
Voice of Reality

In Chicago on business….

Picked up the Tribune at breakfast…. the Blackhawks have just won the cup, so the first 3 pages of the “News” featured the parade info. Page 4 featured a discussion about whether Oprah is appreciated in Chi town. Next few pages enjoyed a discussion about a nuclear plant nearby followed by the crime blotter. Standard stuff. Then came the dog playing jump rope with a handler page. Rob B took up the next page with a myriad of legal abuses.

And there I came upon it. The first mention of the BP spill, page 16. Almost 6 full paragraphs! Across from it, a report on how Obama is threatening Iran and any nation that contributes to it’s oil production ( seriously).

8 pages later the front section of the paper expired without a single mention of either Afghanistan or Iraq.

To say American priorities are misquided is the definition of understatement. As long as Oprah feels appreciated.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm………

11 06 2010
Mark

@ Fake Derek Reily

Whats up Enoch? My mom says hi.

11 06 2010
Fake Dave Mailman

Hi everybody. My balls are about to be castrated, but before that happens, I thought I’d tell you what’s going on over at aspworldtour.com – since I know you all don’t have access to it yourselves:

TAITO BEACH, Chiba/Japan (Thursday, June 11, 2010) – Red hot summer season is back in Japan. In terms of international climates, Japan has also had very inconsistent weather, and has yet to enter the rainy season. As far as weather charts read, tropical patterns and the summer season is definitely here.

2010 will be the sixth straight season for the Real B voice Pro Longboard TAITO pres. by Kaido serving as the final event for the Surf Festa ’10 at Taito Beach in Isumi-shi of Chiba-ken.

Real B voice Pro Longboard TAITO pres. by Kaido will commence June 12th Saturday.

As the performance level raises to the max yearly on the ASP LQS Tour, Bonga Perkins (HAW) as well as Josh Constable have entered the event this season as well as many of the world’s top surfers.

Keegan Edwards(HAW) as well as Kevin “Magic Foot” Conelly (USA), Brett White(AUS) are only the few.

Domestic young surfers like Taiki Mori, Yuji Hata, Kota Sakuraoka can shake up the world. Veterans Eugene Teal and Nobuhiro Ogashira are as sharp as ever.

All the hottest action will be at Taito.

Live via internet is available on your laptop or for iPhone mobile users will have all the hottest action thru ASP LIVE ON DEMAND. A purchase of application for i-phone will be required.

SAN BARTOLO, Lima/Peru (Tuesday, June 8, 2010) – Silvana Lima (BRA), 25, has claimed the Movistar Peru Classic presented by IPD over Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS), 19, in clean two-to-three foot righthanders in San Bartolo.

Event No. 5 on the 2010 ASP Women’s World Tour, the Movistar Peru Classic culminated in dramatic fashion today with some major upsets and stunning performances.

Lima wasted little time in the Final bout, assaulting the glassy righthanders with a barrage of hi-fi fin throws and searing carves, amassing the highest heat total of the event, a 16.50 out of a possible 20, to best her young Australian opponent.

“I feel great!” Lima exclaimed after exiting the water. “I knew I needed to put up high scores early on because Sally (Fitzgibbons) has been surfing so well all event. I have some really good boards and I fell like I have been surfing well. I’m so stoked right now!”

The win marks Lima’s third elite victory of her career and vaults the South American from 7th to 3rd on the ASP Women’s World Tour ranking.

“It’s the biggest result I have had since last year,” Lima said. “It’s really good for me. I feel like I have been surfing well this year but haven’t been making heats. This is very good for my confidence and the rest of the season. I wish we didn’t have such a big break though.”

Fitzgibbons continued her sizzling level of performance in Peru, logging in excellent wave scores in virtually every round of competition. Today’s result marks her third, consecutive Runner-Up finish this season, firmly cementing her place at ASP Women’s World No. 2.

“Another bridesmaid,” Fitzgibbons said. “It’s a good result all the same and great for my rating, but I want to win one really bad. Silvana (Lima) was ripping though. I couldn’t really get into a good rhythm in that heat. I felt good all day, but she got the jump on me and I was never able to answer back. It’s all good though. We’ve had amazing support here in Peru and I’m looking forward to the next one.”

Sofia Mulanovich (PER), 26, former ASP Women’s World Champion (2004) and 2009 Movistar Peru Classic winner, once again pulled out some late heat heroics to best Chelsea Hedges (AUS), 26, in the Quarterfinals but was unable to overcome a rampaging Fitzgibbons in the Semifinals.

“It’s disappointing for sure,” Mulanovich said. “Sally (Fitzgibbons) was surfing really well and I could get the waves I needed. I started out with a strong heat, but got the best waves at the end. It’s another strong result, but I would have liked to make the Final.”

Stephanie Gilmore (AUS), 22, reigning ASP Women’s World Champion and current ASP Women’s World No. 1, suffered a last-minute defeat at the hands of Lima in their Semifinal bout.

“It was an interesting event and we had challenging conditions throughout,” Gilmore said. “The past few days have been pretty fun on the lefts, but today it felt a bit between swells. It was too small for the left and still kind of big for the right. Equal 3rd is a good result but I felt like I have had a nervous energy about me all event. I hadn’t prepared enough on the righthander and that showed in my wave ion.”

Despite the somewhat uncharacteristic loss, Gilmore still retains a healthy lead in the hunt for her fourth consecutive ASP Women’s World Title, and will use the mid-season break to recharge before the end of the year.

“I’m going to go home and then on some surf trips to Indonesia,” Gilmore said. “I’m working on a film project with Ava Warbick and I’ll use the time to recharge before the US Open in July and then onto Portugal after that.”

The next stop on the 2010 ASP Women’s World Tour will be the Rip Curl Pro Portugal from October 7 through 11, 2010.

For more information, log onto http://www.aspworldtour.com

MOVISTAR PERU CLASSIC FINAL RESULT:
1 – Silvana Lima (BRA) 16.50
2 – Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 10.77

MOVISTAR PERU CLASSIC SEMIFINAL RESULTS:
SF 1: Silvana Lima (BRA) 11.77 def. Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 11.00
SF 2: Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 14.60 def. Sofia Mulanovich (PER) 11.56

MOVISTAR PERU CLASSIC QUARTERFINAL RESULTS:
QF 1: Silvana Lima (BRA) 13.43 def. Claire Bevilacqua (AUS) 11.23
QF 2: Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 11.86 def. Paige Hareb (NZL) 10.50
QF 3: Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 15.27 def. Coco Ho (HAW) 13.70
QF 4: Sofia Mulanovich (PER) 14.14 def. Chelsea Hedges (AUS) 13.43

Current ASP Women’s World Tour Top 5 (After Peru):
1 – Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 4716 pts
2 – Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 4224 pts
3 – Silvana Lima (BRA) 3612 pts
4 – Sofia Mulanovich (PER) 3588 pts
5 – Chelsea Hedges (AUS) 3180 pts

ARUGAM BAY, Sri Lanka (Wednesday, June 9, 2010) – A fully fit and recovered Julian Wilson (Australia) is ready to launch himself onto the Association of Surfing Professionals (ASP) Star Tour at next week’s ASP 6-Star SriLankan Airlines Pro which will run at the famous Arugam Bay pointbreak on Sri Lanka’s superb south east coast.

Wilson is one of the world’s most exciting, progressive, new-age surfers capable of outstanding performances in all conditions.

A serious ankle injury and subsequent operation severely disrupted his 2010 year-to-date, but he has recovered and the 22-year-old, Queensland surfer is looking forward to tackling the ASP tour with the ultimate aim of qualifying onto the elite ASP Dream Tour.

“Before this season began I set a high goal to qualify, but the injury certainly set me back a fair way and has taken close to four months to heal,” said Wilson.

“Over the past month, it has rapidly improved and I’ve edged my way back into competition with events in the USA and Brazil last month and right now coming into Sri Lanka I feel like I’m finally prepared and ready to go.”

“There’s a lot of the ASP qualifying season to go this year and I have not ruled out the possibility of chasing ASP World Tour 2011 qualification � it’s everyone’s ambition to make that tour and 2010 was meant to be my first full season dedicated to chasing that tour, and while I’ve had a set back, right now I’m back and set to surf my best so we’ll see what happens.”

As an ideal lead up Wilson just spent a week in Western Australia surfing with Taj Burrow and Mick Fanning.

The righthand sand-bottom point waves at Arugam Bay may well have characteristics that are similar to the perfect points around Noosa which is close to where Wilson lives and has honed his surfing.

“None of us know this wave at Arugam Bay, but we’ve heard it’s a great high performance set-up so it’s exciting to be heading to a new location and I’m very grateful to accept a wild card into this event,� added Wilson.

Remaining wildcards will be announced in the coming few days along with a fore on likely conditions for this exciting new quality event which s in just over one weeks time.

The line-up for this year’s event is outstanding and a few of the interesting high seeded surfers competing include Adriano de Souza (Bra), current world number four rated surfer Jadson Andre (Bra), former ASP world champion Sunny Garcia (Hawaii), Japan’s Masatoshi Ohno, South Africa’s Royden Bryson and David Weare, Spain’s Hodei Collarzo and Kolohe Andino (USA).

The SriLankan Airlines Pro will be live web and will include a quality produced and globally distributed television show along with television newsfeeds distributed internationally throughout the event as well as highest quality digital images focusing on the event, the environment, wildlife and of course the abundance of surf from the region.

Bon Jew, mon ami!

11 06 2010
trauzersnake

I was thinking about penetrating over at kurungabaa, will they know my IP address?? I don’t see what mike and EW said over there that was so offensive. Although it is an entertaining little spat.

11 06 2010
Fake Truth

@Trauzersnake,

It is not possible for you to have read what was said there because most of the comments were deleted, and in some cases edited to fit their criteria. Guess the academia in Oz is about as open minded as it is in the States, eh?

Btw/ 300!!!!

You knuckle dragging, mouth breathing, flingers of dookie.

11 06 2010
mark's pastor

“For all of you out there across the globe who have fought so hard to tackle the hideous enemy of our planet, namely carbon emissions, that bogus god you worship named “Climate Change” or “Global Warming”, there is some really bad news that will be very painful for you to process. But it is my duty to pass it on to you anyway.

Are you sitting down?

Okay, here’s the bombshell. The current volcanic eruption going on in Iceland, in it’s first week of spewing volcanic ash, NEGATED EVERY EFFORT you have made in the past five years to control CO2 emissions on our planet. Not only that, this single act of God, in it’s first week, has added greenhouse gas emissions to the earth’s atmosphere estimated to be 42 times more than can be corrected by the extreme government regulations proposed for annual reductions in the U.S. Cap & Trade bill and all the other countries’ combined efforts. Ponder that statement for just a moment.

I know, I know…. (have yourself a group hug right now)…. it’s very disheartening to realize that all of the carbon emission savings you have accomplished while suffering the inconvenience and expense of driving Prius hybrids, buying fabric grocery bags, sitting up until midnight to finish your kid’s “The Green Revolution” science project, throwing out all of your non-green cleaning supplies, using only two squares of toilet paper, putting a brick in your toilet tank reservoir, selling your SUV and speedboat, going on vacation to a city park instead of Yosemite, nearly getting hit every day on your bicycle, replacing all of your $1 light bulbs with $10 light bulbs …well, all of those things you have done have all gone down the tubes in just the first week.

The volcanic ash emitted into the Earth’s atmosphere in the first week has totally erased every effort you have made to reduce the evil beast, carbon dioxide (CO2). And, those hundreds of thousands of American jobs you helped move to Asia with expensive emissions demands on businesses… you know, the ones that are creating even more emissions than when they were creating American jobs, well that must seem really worthwhile now.
I’m so sorry. And I do wish that there was some kind of a silver lining to this volcanic ash cloud but the fact of the matter is that the brush fire season across the western U.S.A. will start in about two months and those fires will negate your efforts to reduce carbon emissions in our world for the next two years.

So, grab a Coke, give the world a hug, and have nice day! This same sort of atmospheric contamination by CO2 emissions from volcanoes has been going on now for the last 4.6 billion years since the earth was born. And you can’t do a damned thing about it.”

11 06 2010
Jamon Bagel

Nice cut/pasted argument. Very clever, especially the totally non-cited use of numbers (42 times greater? Why 42? Can it really be measured that specifically? By whom? Over what period of time?).

But let’s assume for a second that you aren’t full of shit. In which case, your argument is that because volcanoes emit CO2 into the atmosphere, we should do the same. As much as possible.

Reminds me of a line in Strange Brew (nominated for a Best Picture in my own custom alternate universe):

“Well, the brakes are out….no point in steering now.”

11 06 2010
Mike

I was worried about that volcano, but being gross consumers is not rationalized by an act of Mark’s God. Our “futile” efforts are acts of respect and too little respect is offered in this world of Me. The world of Money, Global Cooling.

@Trauzer… my only sin at Kurungabaa was calling out the writers as longboarders… thin skins. Amoeba thin skins as Enoch so aptly described.

Now what FAke Mailman was thinking is altogether to brief.

12 06 2010
trauzersnake

Corporate prison we stay

I’m a dull boy work all day

Saw my reflection and cried, so little hope that i died
feed me your lies, open wide
weight of my heart not the size…

A.I.C.

They fucked Layne Stayley….Never even gave the dude props…..Weak.

12 06 2010
Mark

i nominate Treauzersnake for Music Czar in Mike’s new government.

12 06 2010
Marks Facebook Page Editor

Good Afternoon Nugables,

It has become apparent that certain impending disclosures force our office at this time to confront a revelation that we had hoped to avoid, but now realize is imminent. Mark is gay.

No, not in the “merry” usage of a word commonly associated with large, fat men with unusually small penis’ and a library of aliases. We wish it could be term that is comically applied as some random explanation for such a wide stance within a car dealerships bathroom stalls, but alas that assertion would be just a diversion from the scrutiny we must accept as fate.

Maybe we should have seen it coming, after all, we are engaged daily with Mark and his multiple personalities and have on more than one occasion been responsible for delivering his version of events. Events that have proven as false as his failing marriage and his excuse for riding a paddleless SUP.

Despite our collective embarrassment here at Mark’s Facebook Page, continued failure to admit Mark’s truths can and will not be allowed to continue.

Soon, other mediums will release the physical and photographic evidence that forces our hand in this matter. In an effort to get out in front of this story, we reiterate that Mark is a christian conservative and contributor of the EIB network. His affiliation with the GOP is rock solid and in good standing. His love of country music is genuine and male. In short, none of the hallmarks of Mark’s character shall be questioned except the glaring omission of his “alternative” sexuality.

As faithful employees and devoted servants of Mark, it is our duty by the ethical standards of our Facebook.com agreement to confirm to you all that Mark is gay.

We are sorry for the confusion this may create with you all, but we know that delaying this admission would only intensify the impending deluge of evidence.

Thank you all and may the lord, Mark’s God, bless you all,

Sincerely,

Marks Facebook Page Editor

12 06 2010
Mike

Fuck, I’m shocked! Who could have known? Enoch?!

12 06 2010
Mark

Look’s like someone is on the sauce big time.

12 06 2010
Mark

I feel sorry for Mike.

Gotta be a sad man that sits alone in a hotel room in a strange city and roasts his good buddy on the internet slinging rotten feces around like Rod Kerr and Newling back in the day.

“Tears that soak a callous heart”.

12 06 2010
Mark

“Weight of my heart not the size”?

Layne Staley was the MAN.

12 06 2010
Mike

Hotel ballroom Mark, ballroom.

Don’t feel sorry for me though, the drinks were on the clients tab tonight and I deserve the sleep I’m about to enjoy.

Kick ass tomorrow on the lot or in the surf, brother calibammy. And who the fuck is Layne Staley anyway? Larry Craig’s alias?

Can’t wait to be home, I miss lake Pacifica and my mistress, the south wind.

13 06 2010
Voice of Reality

Have you boys seen the new ad for Von Zipper featuring alpha male Andy Irons wearing a glamorous fur coat? Zsa Zsa Gabor with 3 World titles and a renaissance pending….

Leave it to GT to gay even Andy up. The power of Money.

Lewis Samuels’ Bruce article is the platinum standard for all to follow.

13 06 2010
Mark

That ad was actually a parody of a photo of Bunker Spreckels ( another Kauai legend ) from Surfer in the early seventies.

It is becoming painfully obvious that Mike is fuckin CLUELESS. He doesn’t know who Layne Staley is? He doesn’t recognize the Bunker reference in Andy’s ad and probably didn’t get my Rod Kerr-Mike Newling reference earlier.

I guess if it isn’t covered on MSNBC or The Daily Kos then Mike doesn’t care.

13 06 2010
trauzersnake

I’ve gotta say this little exchange has to go to Mark. I didn’t realize the Bunker Spreckles reference in that ad either, but now that he said it, yeah. Sadly, Layne Stayley is probably the ultimate poster boy for victim of money vs. humanity. Sure, Jerrry Cantrel wrote all the tunes, but come on man….a little props are certainly due for putting a voice to it. I wouldn’t be suprised if Jerry just fed him the stuff. Tough to replace that….a little props. Not too much to ask.

13 06 2010
Voice of Reality

Bunker Spreckles, really? Obscure references from contrived “legends”. What’s next, the Eric Haas model? At least he would deserve the attention.

But I’ll take my lumps, good on you Mark. You are more of a groupie than I am, well done.

Ironic though that Bunker represents a gift squandered and Layne represents a loss (according to Tsnake) remembered.

I think the Bunker reference would have been more appropriately Bruce than Andy. Just sayin. You know… guns, drama, and no titles fits the younger brother much better.

The real question is, considering surfing advertisings target demo, who will get the VZ vague reference other than Mark?

Scoreboard Calibammy. Hope you had your green on the green tonight, but purple looks gold for tuesday. Thanks for the edukashun.

13 06 2010
Voice of Reality

One last thing Mark, what do you allude to with Newling? Tour stories used to be well guarded before everyone became BFF’s and had camera crews twittering their every fart….

Enlighten me Calibammy. Was it part of the Bainy/Page flight to Japan?

13 06 2010
Mark

I miss Nug.

And CaliGirl.

13 06 2010
Mark

#Trauzersnake

I have never claimed to be a big wave rider but had a couple of moments at Sunset in the early nineties.

Sitting in my friends car in the lot PSYCHING to that song Dirt by A.I.C. fuckin POUNDING the dashboard as Layne Staley screeched through the speakers.

“Aaaaaahhhhhh want you to SCRAPE MEEEEEEE……. from the WAAAAALLLLSSSS….and go Crazeeeeeeee……like you made me”

Pure froth mate. Pure froth.

14 06 2010
trauzersnake

@Mark

Hell YEAAHHH!!!…..Then you can even slap on some of the unplugged stuff for beers and sunset over Keana Point afterwards. Good stuff mate.

14 06 2010
Mark

It’s actually Kaena point not Keana point bro. It wasn’t named after Keana Reeves in honor of his genius performance in Point Break.

But those are just details. Sorry if I am ruining our buzz.

14 06 2010
trauzersnake

That’s cool, bro. And that’s keanu reeves. But yeah, when I was over there back in the day I’d listen to some AIC to get pumped for a certain left-west of waimea. Or is it wiamea?

14 06 2010
Voice of Reality

Oh cool, Mark and trauzer are bonding over the surf they passed on to get drunk with their “buddies” while enjoying a sunset and correcting each others spelling.

How do you spell “gay” on Oahu?

And that left is rubber duckies Tsnake, Marks favorite wave. No wonder I never saw you guys.

14 06 2010
Thomas Coochietrain

Well I’ll be a fingerless sloth… I heard there’s been an oil spill. And so soon after tornado Katrina devastated the Gulf of California? I pity those poor Alaskans, their igloos, and all the small to medium sized animals that are going to be so greatly affected by this leaking tanker. Someone needs to kill the heads of Chevron for this… and Aloha Petroleum too. Thank my lucky stars that I work at Gas n’ Go, so my conscience is clear.

I would love to help out, and I have lots of warm clothes and plenty of vacuum cleaners, so where do I sign up?

14 06 2010
Satan

Hello my children, sorry I have been unable to post. Busy days at the Whitehouse leave little time for relaxation.

Did you hear, THROUGH FAITH AND HARD WORK, the mercenaries from the US have found gold in Afghanistan. (real gold not TEXAS T)

If you stand by your convictions I will reward you!!(hold on: what Saddam? Mr. Hayward says he needs a few more months to get the job done, OK but it better be a Tarpit when he is done)

These rewards will show over time, but my children you must be patient. (espescially you NUG, once BOB MCKNIGHT overdoses the job is yours).

14 06 2010
Bill O'really

The revelation that Afghanistan holds copious amounts of minerals shocks me and I now advocate that America stay the course, in regards to Afghanistan. We can not allow the Taliban or dare I say, Iran, to use these minerals for evil doing. It is an issue of our National Defense to round up these minerals and hold them until the Karzai government can build it’s police forces to sufficient levels so that we can stand down. It worked strategically well for the liberated people of Iraq and I’m sure General Mc Crystal has a similarly efficient plan to liberate the Afghan people. All it will take is Congress’ approval of trillions in future generations tax revenues to mine that country dry as we simultaneously lower taxes today on our wealthiest .02%. Halliburton has volunteered to dedicate it’s resources to a secret, no bid contract, a patriotic duty we have come to expect from this global icon of corporate security services.

14 06 2010
Shawn Hannity

Thank you Bill for that report.

Like I said, this surprise finding is being contingency planned throughout all levels of the US Dept of Homeland Security and we will all sleep safer tonight knowing that these precious minerals are being liberated from the axis of evils in Talibaniski, North Korea and most importantly Iran.

Did I forget to reiterate the extensive threat that Iran poses to the US? Well, mark my words, Iran is using their significant oil deposits to fund a massive assault on Mainland US soil sometime later this fall if we don’t allow mother Israel to retaliate first! I say nuke em all once the fine minerals are extracted so that we can eliminate the substantial risk of fundamentalist crazies whose jihad against the US is imminent.

Thanks for that report Bill O’really and look for Wolf Blitzzerts opinion in the next hour. Good night America from FOXED News.

14 06 2010
Clifford Bowes

I have a burning desire to vent my spleen on Fox News. For practical reasons, I have to confine my discussion to areas that have received insufficient public attention or in which I have something new to say. Assume for a moment that Fox News is a drooling, hydra-headed monster of force and terror. It therefore follows that in my observations upon resistentialism, I have expressed no opinion thus far of the mode of its extinguishment or melioration. I will note, however, though I still have nothing to propose, that Fox News intends to create a new social class called the Kurangabaa-ites. Pusillanimous loons, quasi-crafty suborners of perjury, and the most asinine serpents I’ve ever seen will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their assistants.

While I aver that Fox News has every right to its incomprehensible, surly opinions, I wish that one of the innumerable busybodies who are forever making “statistical studies” about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means something. For example, I’d like to see a statistical study of Fox News’s capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a statistical study of how many frowsy simpletons realize that Fox News, with its craftiness and xenophobic Kurungabaa-ites, will entirely control our country’s exuberant riches in the coming days. Fox News will then use those riches to take us over the edge of the abyss of sexism. The moral of this story is that I’m at loggerheads with it on at least one important issue. Namely, Fox News argues that it is as innocent as a newborn lamb. I take the opposite position, that Fox News argues that the Universe belongs to it by right. I wish I could suggest some incontrovertible chain of apodictic reasoning that would overcome this argument, but the best I can do is the following: Shooting one’s mouth off in a public forum on the basis of flimsy facts is neither prudent nor smart. Let’s remember that.

Fox News has been trying to convince us that everything is happy and fine and good. This pathetic attempt to make human life negligible and cheap deserves no comment other than to say that today, we might have let Fox News grasp at straws, trying to find increasingly ruthless ways to lay the foundation for some serious mischief. Tomorrow, we won’t. Instead, we will increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences. Fox News wants all of us to believe that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable. That’s why it sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. Does Fox News really know anything about the put-downs it claims to support? No, it doesn’t.

Fox News’s claims are not the solution to our problem. They are the problem. It may seem at first that Fox News’s ploys are doubtlessly despised by everyone but intemperate rotters. When we descend to details, however, we see that it criticizes me for penetrating the sunny façade of its obloquies with the sharpened stick of reality. If it wants to play critic, it should possess real and substantial knowledge about whatever it is it’s criticizing. It shouldn’t simply assume that the best way to serve one’s country is to take rights away from individuals on the basis of prejudice, myth, irrational belief, inaccurate information, and outright falsehood. If anyone should propose a practical scheme for saying “no” to Fox News’s pathological, pudibund catch-phrases, I should be quite disposed to incur almost any degree of expense to accomplish that object. In the meantime, let me point out that I find it necessary, if I am to meet my reader on something like a common ground of understanding, to point out that there’s a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There’s a time to love and a time to hate. There’s a time for war and a time for peace. And, I avouch, there’s a time to force Fox News into deserved bankruptcy. Or, to put it less poetically, if it were true, as Fox News claims, that it is a spokesman for Laird himself, then I wouldn’t be saying that most of you reading this letter have your hearts in the right place. Now follow your hearts with actions.

Although Fox News was likely following the dictates of its conscience when it decided to calumniate helpless deviants, the fact remains that it is thoroughly versipellous. When Fox News is among plebeians, it warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against antagonism. But when it’s safely surrounded by its expositors, Fox News instructs them to resort to underhanded tactics. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that we have not only a right but also a responsibility to ring the bells of truth. Don’t make the mistake of thinking otherwise. Fox News does, and that’s why there is still hope for our society, real hope—not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of antihumanist pantywaists and Krudungabaa-ites but the hope that makes you eager to take a strong position on its causeries, which, after all, squander irreplaceable national treasures. That’s all I’m going to say in this comment because if I were to write everything I want to write, I’d be here all night.

14 06 2010
Wolf Blitzzerd

Wolf Blitterd here and this is the Command Center for FOXED News! Tonight we’ll discuss Israel’s complete innocence and justified aggression against the “humanitarian” effort for those inhumans, the Gaza scum. Log onto FOXED NEWS website and you too can donate financial assistance to the Israeli paramilitary state!

Our next segment features the evil Iranian attempt to destroy Israel and the threat that the Iranian National Guard poses to downtown Denver. Stay tuned, your city may be next!

We’ll finish this episode of my show by demonstrating how illegal wiretapping of our secular population will expose them for the potential terrorists they obviously are. Charlie Schumer appears in this segment to reiterate the obvious threat any enemy of judaism is to American soveriegnity and our enduring devotion to Israel.

So let’s get this started everyone. After the commercial break, we’ll talk to Anderson Cooper who is reporting the bottle rocket launched from within Gaza, another act of aggression that WILL be reciprocated proportionately. American F-16’s will deliver punishment and Anderson will be there to document the justified carnage that the GAZA pagans so rightfully deserve!

14 06 2010
Simon O

EW…..is that you??? (I know htat IP adress) How is the tennis elbow, mate?

14 06 2010
Urine Van Der Slut

Don’t be lookin’ at my IP Adress…….could get ugly.

14 06 2010
Peter Bowels

…Would you have any Grey Pouppon??

15 06 2010
Shawn Hannity

That had better not be any Aussies commenting on this insular blog! After our morning SUP session, we gathered at our local to discuss the insurgency ( aussie commentors) and have non declared a War on foreign Commentors in response to their insolence and third grade educations.

Bad enough to have a Dutch murderer aboard, but at least he’s fighting the war on Peruvian female terror, the precursor to Iranian aggression and our Pakistani brothers resistance! And as you know, everything is six degrees of separation from Osama Bin Laden! That man is diabolical! He can do more mayhem from a random mountain cave hooked up to a mobile, solar powered dialysis machine than one can imagine. He’s even called a jihad on Oil!!!! We’ll teach him!

Back to my original point, I do get rather heated percolating so many warfronts…. But listen here Kurungabaa longboarders, stay away from our cozy blog! We don’t like you vic criminals one bit and there are never too many wars for us to wage! As long as the Christian conservatives donate their young men for us to battle, we’ll fight on into perpetuity!

And Mr Bowels, we eat plain old boring mustard! Like Frenchs….. errrrrr,

Where’s my fucking production assistant?! How the fuck did France invade our store shelves with Frenchs Mustard? Don’t they know that we’ve sub contracted our ENTIRE retail sales to China!?!?!

What’s that?…. French’s is an american company? Fuck those Gaza loving French and all that expensive imported wine! Fucking socialists just like those fucking longboard pussies at Kurungabaa!

Ahhhhh! I’m so worked up, where’s my fucking breakfast, production assistant!!!???!!! Do you think Bill O’really eats fucking French’s mustard? Fuck no!

25 06 2010
Taylor paul

Jon Stewart bit your slogan on the Daily Show.

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