Jordy Smith was one of many top seeds regulated to the loser's round. Most of them, including Jordy, made it out alive. Photo: ASP/Cestari
A tsunami warning cancelled the event on Sunday. I fully expected Pat Robertson to claim those damn convicts had it coming. He did not and there was no tsunami. Unless you consider Jamie O’Brien’s impending arrival.
In nearly every post-heat interview the surfer is asked about the board he is riding. He is never asked about his boardshorts. Think about that for a moment.
Kelly Slater is nearly 40. He is still the best surfer in the world.
Progressive surfing is not defined by being airborne.
The event is being aired live on TV in Australia. I believe it’s on a wakeboarding channel. I can’t recall the name because the announcers never tell us.
A salty teardrop cascaded down my face when Craig Anderson exited a small barrel and hit the lip during his second-round heat with Bobby Martinez. Bobby won the heat but Mr. Anderson won my heart.
Dean Morrison is not human. He may be a sea monkey. But sea monkeys are adorable creatures.
Dane Reynolds proved he is human in round one. In round two he proved humans can sometimes be superhuman. Surfing is Dickensian at times. Dane is both Great Expectations and A Tale of Two Cities.
If a Jehovah’s Witness came to my door over the weekend, I would have invited him in and told him about Damien Hobgood’s backside hacks. “They are glorious,” I would have said. Then he would refuse to drink with me and I would have thrown him out the door head first. They wear helmets for this very purpose I would have reasoned.
Watching Kekoa and Jay “Bottle” Thompson in round two was like watching two flies hump on the wall for 30 minutes without a climax.
Luke Stedman’s legs end at his ear lobes. If humans share 98% of the same chromosomes as chimpanzees, Luke Stedman shares 98% of his chromosomes with ostriches.
I had a bowl cereal this morning. I checked the side of the milk carton just to make sure Andy Irons wasn’t on it.
Finally, 4 of my top 5 rookies are still alive and there are some intriguing round three match-ups, including two back-to-back scorchers. Owen vs. Taj, followed by Bobby and Andy. Later, we get Fanning vs. Simpson and Parko vs. Dusty Payne.
QUIKSILVER PRO GOLD COAST ROUND 3 MATCH-UPS:
My picks in are in bold.
Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Jadson Andre (BRA)
Heat 2: Taylor Knox (USA) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 3: Tom Whitaker (AUS) vs. Chris Davidson (AUS)
Heat 4: Taj Burrow (AUS) vs. Owen Wright (AUS)
Heat 5: Bobby Martinez (USA) vs. Andy Irons (HAW)
Heat 6: Damien Hobgood (USA) vs. Luke Stedman (AUS)
Heat 7: Dean Morrison (AUS) vs. Kai Otton (AUS)
Heat 8: Mick Fanning (AUS) vs. Brett Simpson (USA)
Heat 9: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Dusty Payne (HAW)
Heat 10: Fredrick Patacchia (HAW) vs. Kekoa Bacalso (HAW)
Heat 11: C.J. Hobgood (USA) vs. Daniel Ross (AUS)
Heat 12: Dane Reynolds (USA) vs. Jeremy Flores (FRA)
Heat 13: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Luke Munro (AUS)
Heat 14: Kieren Perrow (AUS) vs. Mick Campbell (AUS)
Heat 15: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 16: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Tiago Pires (PRT)
Nugable 
Kelly, Dane, Jordy, Parko, and Bede all in the bottom half of the draw. Taj and Mick in the top…. interesting.
Kelly being the no. 6 seed doesn’t have to surf against wild-cards all year. When he won the title 2 years ago, he ONLY lost to wild-cards prior to the quarters…. that’s scary.
Nug…. SImpo taking out Fanning….. nice
Nice writting! Congrats!
You MUST be american…to think that Brett Simpson can take out Mick Fanning, surfing at his homeland.
Much nice to watch Owen Wright, but TAJ is excited by his parents support…hahaha
You think the goofies will beat the regulars (Bobby & damo)? I doubt it. Lets see.
Then u chosed the wrong regular (Dean “leash” Morrison)…u never know what he is going to pull (leash) in this heat.
We have to keep watching…cause the curling is over.
I am also Irish, Sioux and a little crazy.
nug. all but one of my picks are into round three. If your predictions pan out, I’m pretty sure I’m going to smoke you
Wow, heat 5 is must see TV! Remember when Bobby made Occy look very slow?
Heat 4 is a killer too…. Taj on his forehand.
Damo will destroy Malia’s ex husband. ( hottest chick in my fantasies )
Parko and Payne! yeah…. Fanning will send simpo simply home
Fuck I hate Dingo.
Sorry Nug, but Ace doesn’t have the act to beat Taylor if it’s good, although Taylor can beat himself.
Kelly should build mo, Dane and Jordy better not sleep through their heats.
Pretty damn good draw overall and as far as third rounds go, pretty urgent.
Let’s hope it runs today!
heat 12: Dane better ride something with a little rocker against Jeremy (he will) and needs to be on his game as the waves on offer suit Jeremy’s surfing.
Dane doesn’t need to worry about J Flo and his goofy ass surfing. Simpson will make it further than most think and I like Bede for the comp. P Gadauskas, I’m rooting for him, but he’s fucked. Looking forward to some barrels.
Yeah, Dane has to bring his game, Jeremy can light up the pinball machine.
Simpson made it farther than anyone thought, now it’s time for the machine to light him up…. much to Enoch’s viewing pleasure!
If Quiksilver is not already making trunks like these they are totally blowing it.
Simpson is basically Fanning without the speed and power – Mick wins.
@ GC (13:11)… classic! said it before… Simpo needs 15lbs of muscle mass to have any change.
Looks like comp is on today boys..
Looks out for Jadson Andre or whatever the fuck his name is…. he was the most impressive rookie thus far and surfing backside… a fluke??… find out soon..
That should be a 9 from Adriano. Damn.
I’m not a fan of that little claiming brazo but sheesh he ripped that wave.
If these conditions can hold, some entertaining surfing is gonna go down.
1st interviewing whits while someone is surfing.
2nd his hairdo.
If Ace Buchan was a man, I’d be gay for him.
Also, it’s a toss-up between Kelly Slater and Taylor Knox for the “As I Age I Look More and More Like an Ice-Head” award.
Also, I would have paid at LEAST $3.75 to watch Dustin ‘Toothless’ Barca mop the floor with Adriano ‘The Proboscis Monkey’ De Souza.
These commentators are completely full of shit; Hellen Keller would have known that Taylor Knox’s last wave was more than a 6.
GO BOBBY!
I like Bobby, but I’m committed to cheering on AI. He’s earned my support.
But I wish both could win here, much like I was hoping both Adriano de Souza and Jadson Andre could lose.
While I’ve got you here Mike, tell me; in your view, what does the Supreme Court’s recent ruling mean for precedent in corporation’s rights regarding the right to bear arms? I mean, if I am Quiksilver, can I constitutionally arm every one of my employees and make a Quiksilver Army? More to the point, would it be legal for Kelly, Dane, Julian, and Jeremy to roll around with AKs, thereby justifying the ‘Young Guns’ marketing tag?
nice chop hop Andy
All right Bobby!Man why is Andy trying unsuccesful carving 360s,cause Kelly does them in his sleep?And then he dont try to make something out of his last wave,put some fucking heart in it!
Bobby goes off! Andy hesitated on some hits on that first wave… kind of backed off safe. Safe loses against in form reckless.
Perkus, The corpo’s don’t need guns, they have bank and Money owns. Arms are a poor man’s comfort, but you can only shoot so much before Money finds your position and buys your silence.
Mr Malia Jones sure looks awkward although the first hit is exactly what Andy avoided.
Karl Marx…he’s back!
Andy is less than past Andy and must agree that the turns just aren’t there…not yet at least…he needs a trainer like Taj.
I think Perkus Tooth is Jamie O.
I agree with Bucaneer. He at least had a CHANCE on that last wave-looked like it hit the inside pretty decent.
Money is Sted’s mid faced check turn. How is this guy on the CT? He should just graduate to porn. Taylor got screwed! Enoch you are a classic, when is your surfer profile coming out? Andy is a KOOOOOK!!!
AI is speeding while standing still. I guess it must be too much coffee…
Andy interview: Someone explained to him his value win or lose from a promo standpoint. Pimped his sponsors and uncharacteristically upbeat after a tough loss. Earning his check. He’ll get it together by Jbay. Bells will be tough unless Winki shines.
Todd Kline needs to retire. He is singlehandedly ruining this webcast.
I heard Kline gave Kelly a blowjob when they were teens and now Kelly keeps him employed by Quik so he won’t tell.
Coffee…. hee hee.
Do they have cheap, easy blow in Oz? Or is that only readily available in Any Town USA… you know, War on Drugs epicenter… wasn’t that Reagans legacy GC? Deregulation and illegal abundance… two ideas that find the same meeting place in the end. Isn’t it funny how we lose everytime we add the word “war” to false effort.
But heck, private prisons are a true growth industry! Invest in Marriot detention services!!!!!!!
did dingo just pull kai otten’s leash?
There was no way that waves shoulda been a 9…. granted Mick ripped it but nothing outa the ordinary.
I agree with Elwood.Micks 9 was overscored.But Simpo was not going to beat him today anyway. Now Parkos scores seem right,but Dustys scores were definetly being lowballed. Come on judges get it to together!
Mick’s 9 could not have been surfed any better.
Powerful carves and huge spray with no hitches in the giddyup.
An air would not have looked right.
Survey says!?
Elwood and Buccaneer are fired!
And where the fuck is that Ace Buchan heat winning wave re-play hmmmmmmmm? Fuckers!
Been watching on the Quik app. on my iPhone which has been wickedly lame. Perhaps they should take notes from Vans! Cheers:)
I daresay you could castrate me with a rusty spoon whilst using the tail-feather of a bald eagle to tickle my browneye and I’d still surf more stylishly than Daniel Ross.
I’m not sure if Perkus Tooth is an alter-ego of someone who has already been posting here, or if they are someone new.
If it’s one of you silly bastards that have been posting under a different name… stick to Perkus.
If you are new here, then welcome comrade. I enjoyed reading your comments. And I have never read a word by Johnathan Lethem, but I may have to now.
I, like Mailman, will have to catch the heats tomorrow, as I am buried with a deadline at work. On the plus side, I missed what one can only assume was a snooze fest in Heat #3.
Enoch Ward, you kiddie-porn connoisseur, don’t you recognize me?
My best guess?
PeterPerfect or Laser.
Or my son.
God how I love CJ Hobgood. Living proof that anyone with good Christian values, a twin brother, and a $300-a-day methylenedioxymethamphetamine habit can win a World Title.
You can refer to me as ‘The Commenter Formerly Known As lazer®’ if it tickles your fancy.
Actually I just got fed up with the imposters and their incessant pilfering of my good name. Nug, I demand you put your foot down! Lewis Samuels would never have let this happen…
Oh wait
man if you in to kick outs with no wave footage to speak of this webcast is fucking epic.
Anyone care to lay a wager that this is where Flores derails the Dane-train?
6.0 on a turd would have been a 7.0 if he stuck the 360 this one could go either way I’m going dane though
Nice push.
Hey guys, missed the heat…. why was Flores pissed?
You got Bede Nug and Mark? Dude is smokin Munro.
Bede = Andy 5 years ago..
The dude is killing it…. those waves were 9’s.
Mick’s was a high 7 / low 8
someone should get flores some comfort food I’m thinking some freedom fries
Yeah Elwood, he’s killing it… ridiculous.
Podcast, not so much.
Good on Taylor for giving Marlon Bacon props for his fin works.He is a underground legend in north-county and a good shaper too,rode his boards for about 5 years in the 90’s and they were great boards.
Flores surfed good but his turns looked like the best guy at your local beach break killing it while danes turns even on shit waves looked like the turns I do in my dreams and then I wake up and need to clean my sheets due to enochturnal emissions
Nug, this is without doubt your finest effort to date. Whatever controlled substance served as your muse, keep her around. Do it for all of us.
Thank God I put my reserve C-note on The Bede at 4:1 If he Durbs this whole damned thing its drinks on me for the whole crew. Even Mark, when he unretires next.
Missed the Dane/Jeremy heat. Has young Flores learned to put it on a rail or finish a turn yet?
HOw old is Mick Campbell??
That dude is inspiring… regardless of what happens.
It aint like the dude is gonna win the contest, but guaranteed he could whip anyone else on tour in a fight.
kieren is the new barton lynch
mick campbell is the new mick campbell
todd kline is the most annoying commentator EVER!
Does GT count as a commentator?
I may just be meat and dough, but it seems to me like you can just turn the sound off and play something less annoying. Like Miley Cyrus.
That’s one fucking funny breakfast sandwich….
Would much rather be a breakfast sandwich than a Pat Guadasokulous right now. That was a severe beating. Like if you took that guy that plays Frodo Baggins and put him in the Octagon with the giant ex-pro wrestler guy heavyweight champion guy. And some pit bulls. Plus, a rabid iguana.
Yeah Jammy, but they aired a Pat G interview over a Tiago big score.
Priorities.
They missed both of Tiago’s waves….
I just watched Jordy’s heat. First one I watched of the day. I hope it wasn’t indicative of the scoring that was happening all day.
Tiago deserved that heat.
Tiago was robbed!
Dream tour indeed.
Impressive day at Snapper but is it enough to silence the Nugable world tour critics?
If not then you guys need to grip a get and stop being such neggy Nancys. Today was the best day of pro surfing in 8 months and, in case you haven’t noticed, no lay days at all besides tsunami Monday.
When you consider that even a 3 foot drop in swell would still be smoking then it could wrap up tomorrow as long as the wind doesn’t go too northeast in the arvo.
Serious, commited ripping today and round 4 arguably contains the best of the best of the pro tour.
I can’t wait for tomorrow mate!
And yes Tiago was robbed.
Almost as criminal as fuckin Bush blazing into Iraq on questionable intel.
GT is not a commentator. He never was a commentator. He is the west coast equivalent of Todd Kline sans hat dujour, but instead of blowing Kelly for surf fame, he blew the whole surf industry.
I think Jordy took it, those turns were crisp.
I just toiled through the highlight clips of each heat today in an effort to catch up. Unfortunately, I realized something about halfway through the clips. Quik wasn’t showing the best waves from each heat. I mean, the final results more or less lined up, as I don’t think anyone moved forward undeservingly except for Tiago and possibly Knox. But the waves they were showing did not match up with the scores being awarded.
And I mean that with all due respect.
Watch the so-called ‘highlight’ clips of Adriano’s heat, the Coolie Kid’s, and then Slater’s heat. Does anything called ‘wave score’ jump out at you?? Like 7’s and 8’s in some heats and high 8’s and 9’s in others? Home beach advantage? Check. Judges lulled to sleepy over-exaggerated scores by the exact same thing they’ve seen from these Coolie kids for the last five years? Check. Hack, cough, hack, cough… these kids had colds today. And then I was struck by the blinding white light, when it occurred to me that the editors merely made a mistake and were either running the wrong scores with the right waves, or the wrong waves with the right scores. In either case, it fit right in with the webcast I watched in the first two rounds: clustefuckeration.
And before the Ozzie knuckleheads start screaming that I’m picking the nose of their sovereign country, let me say two things:
In form surfer so far is by far Bede Durbridge. Perhaps my favorite surfer by a mile. No corporate monkey’s cock in his ass, humble, and works his Fijian fanny off in every single heat.
Dane Reynolds will never be a champ. There is no competitive fire and the nerves are evident at the most critical moments. He may win a comp or two before bowing out to follow the path of The Brucie, but he will not win a title unless the Bubonic Plague takes out the rest of the ensconced Top-10.
Surfer that should be the most pissed: Tiago
Constant amazement: Slater. At age 76, it’s amazing that he can still keep his dentures in his mouth when giving soft-ball interview after nut-slopping interview at the conclusion of yet another heat in which he embarrasses kids that are the same age as his grandchildren.
Lastly, I would like to congratulate Mike on Mick’s 2010 championship victory. Hack, cough, hack, cough… 9.0.
A formula that any diaper wearing immature mind can love. Then again, maybe that ‘highlight’ of his 9 point ride was a result of bad editing, and I’m just blowing flatus into the proverbial wind.
Wouldn’t be the 2,443,6665,825th time Quiksilver has fucked things up royally.
Perhaps I should have stated this sentence better: “I don’t think anyone moved forward undeservingly except for Tiago’s and possibly Knox’s competitors).
Very close heats that I think rewarded the wrong surfer for advancement.
Especially Tiago.
That shit was highway robbery and back alley rape. The Yeti’s cock lives on luck, but was far from impressive. If you could combine his cocky will to win with Dane’s raw talent, then you’d have something that could win a title or two.
@Leroy,
The waves haven’t been awful and they haven’t been excellent. Today they were good. And under this current system, just like its champ, you get what you ask for.
But there are way too many surfers and boggy heats for this to remain a successful endeavor. This Round 3 had a number of excellent matchups only because the round one competition was so off-kilter. The judging was even further off-base. Though they didn’t all pan out the way we thought or hoped, we were INTERESTED. Contrast that with rounds 1 and 2. Not one fucking person besides the mother’s of Blake Thornton and Marco Polo cared that they were offered as sacrificial lambs to the gods of round 2.
There are only 5 or six surfers who have a realistic shot under the current system. So, if you want to leave this archaic system, then at least cull the pool down to those half-dozen and throw in a half-dozen more who can tickle our dark horse fantasies.
The rest? Let Mike and Mailman decide. They no a hell of a lot more about this shit than I do. I just watch and type dump truck loads of observations into cyberspace for you to read or scroll through.
Fuck you and all that you love.
I haft drunk tha last of my j-bottle and am sufficiently… as they say, “lit.”
I am now going to cra;ll into a corner and passs out.
Tiago was underscored and Jordy was pushed through.
Mick’s ‘9’ was a joke. That was barely an ‘8’.
Camera work is a ‘1’.
Commentary is a ‘1’, thanks to the constant explanations of what a ‘goofy’ is along with that roving homosexual doing interviews – not that there is anything wrong with that, is there ‘Eunuch Ward’? Speaking of gay, GT is actually more amusing than that guy whose name I could not be bothered remembering.
And Slater looks dangerous.
@ Leroy
Read enoch,
If quickie is the biggest surf company in the world, How bad are the other contests going to be.(webcast/cameras)
I doubt anyone else has more money….
@ mailman
Please pass on that fans would love Heat highlights to show both scoring waves from each surfer in every heat.
No disrespect but how hard is this??? At least then we would have clear view of the judging.
After watching that “podcast” last night, I know why Dave Mailman goes into hiding round this time o year.
Todd Kline is a disaster.
Mark is probably cool with Jordy getting pushed, but Tiago got robbed and off camera to boot.
Kind of reminded me on one Olympic event. Soft, teary eyed bio of a “favorite” and the race starts. THe sentimental “favorite” found last place in the four man heat easily and the entire race was filmed from his last place perspective… proving that Money reports what Money pushes.
Bede was mad, off the charts and my new favorite. TKnox got fucked.
Didn’t see Micks heat, but I can kinda play it out in my mind as I type. Really, was any different than any of his heats? I guess I’m finding common ground with Enoch, I didn’t even bother watching it on Heats on Demand.
Loved damo’s interview when CJ was mentioned….
Peter Perfect, you are generous in your camera score…. but I have to agree with you, GT is gay as all fuck but more entertaining than the Quik brigade. And can Blakey turn anything into a compliment? Think so.
“Wow mate, you just got smoked in that heat, but we’re so glad you are back on tour. Your surfing looked “crisp” out there and the board went unreal”
Even Andy was surprised with that one. Bobby can’t find a good Merrick and Andy loses on an insane one. Seriously, did Blakey watch the same heat I did?
I disowned my own son five years ago after his first commentating gig.
Passed like gas, my man! Passed like gas…
adriano – looked very good.
Knox – as I see it, should not be on tour. Always a let down to see some nice outside rail work, setting up the inside race track section, pumping, pumping…floater 😦 . No ability to go above the lip. One trick pony. This is 2010.
OWright – difficult conditions separate the contenders from the pretenders. Not saying Wright is a pretender just yet, but despite the hype, he’s not at the level of the big 5.
Fanning- hard to bet against him getting title #3.
Parko – ditto above.
Payne – the performance gap between Parko and Payne was wide. Payne is will never be a top 5 (probably 10) surfer. I thought this before the season and this heat confirmed that. Being able to do reverses in the right conditions and having reef honed barrel riding ability isn’t near enough.
Kekoa – should not be on tour. I watched closely as here was the chance to unleash his (supposed) powerful hacks and gouges. His weight was not a factor as the waves had juice and he had speed to blow it up, yet what we saw were check turns and three pump bottom turns. The emperor has no clothes people.
FreddyP – totally underrated in my book and have thought this for years. His back hand is just as good as Bobbie’s (for sure some of you will gnash your teeth on that one as it’s written in stone that Bobbie’s is best).
Dane- almost lost it (had me nervous). Nobody more exciting to watch; Best surfer in the world (not smartest for sure). Like nobody else can take the torch from Kelly and put the ASP on his back.
Bede – take back what I said above…Bede is the best surfer in the world (only kinda joking). Ripping. No shocker at all if he was to win the title this year.
K9- same as it ever was. Any venue that has a sniff of a barrel the guy has to be the favorite to win. The ability to get barreled, to know when to get barreled, and when to exit the barrel and when to stay in barrel is unparalleled ever. The second half of MJ’s career was not as much about attacking the basket and doing crazy circus highlight reel dunks (although it was there if he wanted to) but about his backing in and hitting 15 foot fadeaways. Kelly’s fadeaway is the barrel. It’s unstoppable.
Jordy- watching the highlights, it didn’t appear to me that Tiago was robbed. Did the highlights not include something?
F..K Dane, Jordy, and everyone else…
Bede is the MAN!
The controlled recklessness of his turns can only be compared to Andy in his prime.
and he has my teeth…..
@Global Cooling…
Reading that comment was even more boring than watching Fanning surf…
Considering Fanning rips, I take that as a compliment. Thanks for reading!
@ Elwood – spot on, totally agree.
Tiago was robbed.
Flores is a jackass. He needs to watch video of his girlish surfing before the starts slapping the water. Man-up little boy…
My head hurts.
After imbibing a sizable portion of an 18th century elixir, I blacked out and, if the authorities are to be believed, I apparently raped my neighbor’s bougainvillea.
Final round going to run today?
That’s the first comment that ham sandwich has made that hasn’t been self-referential. This may be a breakthrough in his therapy.
On another note, Jordy’s wave (8.0) only semi-critical move, should have been no more than a 7 given the scoring yesterday.
Tiago’s wave (8.17) showed commitment. A great tube ride – nearly as good as Bede’s – a critical re-entry and a small successful tube ride. Easily a 9.0.
That puts Tiago ahead. And I used to judge – not at this level though.
So just a regular ho hum night there then huh Enoch…?
Rod Brooks made it sound like today is a go to finish as the rest of the contest window doesn’t look good.
meh, should have read ‘only ONE semi-critical move’
Jordy was polished whereas Tiago was a bit “hitchy”; that’s just the surfers they are. I mean, a case can be made that Jordy is the best in the world (not saying he is, but the case can be made) whereas Tiago, well nobody would make a similar case for him. Granted the barrel he had was good.
I didn’t watch live, but didn’t Jordy get a smaller wave at the end that he got a clean barrel on with sharp turns and hits. I thought it was scored low, but I could be wrong.
@Global Cooling,
I went back and rewatched the highlights from the key heats just to be sure it wasn’t the whiskey talkin’ when I commented last night.
Alas, everything I wrote was true. There was no rhyme, rythym, or rhyson to the scores being levied. Pat Gudaiuhdekhbbcghla’s 4 pointer against Slater? Dane was defintely overscored and that heat looked like a draw to me. They should make them surf another heat to determine the real winner.
I would like to take a baseball bat to the knees of every judge.
Except you Peter. You seem far too intellegent to have made it to the level of incompetency required to judge on the CT. Sorta like the Supreme Court here in the States.
Enoch, global ice station zebra, today def. looks like the best left in window. Swell should be 4ft but perhaps dropping in afternoon, good swell direction but ESE winds not perfect – but it’ll do.
@GloCo…
Yeah, Fanning rips, Taylor cant surf, and Jordy beat Tiago in that heat. You have demonstrated your genius.
Nothing left except to throw a claim.
Tie goes to the better surfer…or should. That would be Dane so he wins.
Now as soon as we can get a certain four justices off the court we’ll get some sanity out of it…
What about J flores barrel??? it was foamy but it would be in any clip out today.
IF Bede Was AI or FAnning or anyone his barrel would of been a 10.
Only saw highlights and they obviously lie
The idea that Mick sucks is EWards, which I respect cuz it’s his view…His view. It’s an absurd view, that I doubt you hold yourself but instead look to others for ideas and fresh takes. But hey I could be wrong.
Global cooling, I agree that Jordy is one of the best cougar-lovin’ surfers on the planet. But each time you hit the water you have to prove it.
Totally agree about Tiago, but that tube was worth more – enough to push him past Jordy. If everything goes to plan and the big guns win every heat, we may as well crown Mick now. And that would be a shame.
You’re right about K9. K9’s tube sense is unsurpassed. Some people say there are better barrel riders, but K9 can find ’em better than anyone else. His slash/stall for the tube he got was magic and worth more points in my book. And the way he stalled that bottom turn on the second wave after the barrel to make his off the top more critical saw Potz having an orgasm.
Speaking of orgasms, Enoch, thanks for the compliment – judging isn’t rocket science – but these guys are all over the place. Gudauskas’ 4.83 was a 6 easily.
French fry, J flores “barrel” was a foam burger. He was duly rewarded for staying on his board. It wouldn’t even rate on Surfline.
Bede’s lack of a 10 was probably due to judging shock for the claim + he fell at the end.
Yes, GloCo, you are wrong. Again. This sandwich has been bashing Fanning since the heyday of PostSurf. Ask anyone, even my good friend Mike, an otherwise-quite-sane individual who inexplicably does not agree that watching Mick surf is like watching a dot-matrix printer produce bar graphs in black and white.
Jamon Bagel, I dare say that you were a bit late to the picnic that was PostSurf.
See how I did that? Associating Jamon Bagel with a picnic? Fucking brilliant. I don’t know how you do it every time…
We do need a new nickname for Fanning, though. Medicine-Ball-Mick? Bede’s looking more original at the moment. And that’s saying something…
How about the Fanndroid?
PS, I didn’t roll in too late to the PostSurf bruncheon, just showed up as a pair of slacks.
Perfect. You sir, are Jamón Ibérico. Fuck the bagel.
Let’s always refer to him as Fanndroid here and see how long before Chad or Jed or ‘that Jewish guy’ use it in a story. Or even Nug…
How ’bout “stale bread”? All agreed then…good.
It’s on soon chaps! Seeing that I’m already drunk, this should be fun. PS: I am currently in Europe, I don’t drink in the morning unless it’s special circumstances. And by that I mean every day.
Oh GloCo…the saddest part is how you rated your own comment a thumbs-up.
Actually I didn’t, but now that I’m aware of the feature, I’ll be doing it from now on.
cheers!
Mick catches the first wave. It is classic Mick. Fast and turny without any sort of “what’s he going to do next?” Mick surfs so amazing. Totally amazing. But there is no doubt what he will do next. Great flow. Turn to turn. Never pumps between moves. Awesome flow. But he is not going to do a carving 360 or a method or a chop hop or anything weird. He gets a high score.
Simpson beat Fanning at Huntington Beach.
Mick catches a second wave. Linked moves. Smooth hack, top turn wrap around, top turn snap. All linked. All technically number one. He gets a higher score. 9.07. The announcer says, “We didn’t see a lot of the innovative or progressive, exactly, but he links his maneuvers together so well!”
Simpson is comboed with 18 minutes left in the heat. He loses.
FANNDROID IS THE FUTURE…RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
Iberian bacon is the best! Long live Fanndroid!
Fuck! I have blown my cover. I am actually Chas Smith. Well the one at 13:40 anyway. The first one was me too, but Chas’ words from Stab, ’cause I thought it was appropriate to the discussion and didn’t have anything better to say. Anyway, M. Jambon de Bayonne, just wanted to let you know that although I have the utmost respect for MEF, I think Fanndroid is a classic call for a Mickname. Stay smoked! How are those slacks by the way?
I pull up hard at the Snapper carpark in my rental from Bayswater Rentals. It’s a Toyota Corolla. The brakes are hot from the run down from Duranbah. And so is Shelia, the patient prostitute in the passenger seat. “Maybe next time I’ll get it up, sweetheart”, I say, my eyes already focussed, laser-like on Kelly’s ass. It was a long night, one that even a very expensive phone call to Jamie could not solve my lack of ‘incentive’. “Damn you, homosexuality!”, I cry, but the words are internal, just like the butt-plug in Adriano de Souza’s ass that’s remotely-controlled – programmed to make him wail like a banshee whenever he doesn’t fall off at the end of a wave. Shelia has clocked off, I say “you can hang around baby, I have a press pass.” The next sound I hear is the door slamming on the burnt orange Corolla. Shelia has already spotted Chris Davidson in the carpark. This is not going to end well.
Chris Davidson has just been labelled as ‘Australian’ on the webcast. Ladies beware tonight.
Adriano is down amongst the free-surfers. Some of them scored higher than he did. A kneeboarder currently has him comboed.
That first heat was pretty exciting. Think it was a fair result. Slater’s contest to lose if it keeps up like this.
CONFIRMED: bobby was listening to DMX yesterday.
@ Peter Perfect 13:53
That is the funniest thing I have read in a long long time… My boss wants to know why I am laughing my ass off, you effin bastard.
I am in Europe and drunk, Jamon. I am not happy about Adriano getting through another round. The thing I hate most about Adriano is that he doesn’t have any friends who can tell him his claims are lame. This reflects poorly on his choice of friends and his lack of ability to watch back his heats and see he’s being a complete douchetard.
But then, it he watched his heats back, he’d see he is a style vacuum and do the right thing and drive his rental off the QLD/NSW border.
Can he put Flores in the passenger seat?
Hope we get a few more installments from the “Chas Smith” saga and witty cracks from Peter Perfect to keep me entertained in between Heats on Demand tomorrow morning!
And Jamon, try not to get yourself fired… or would that be fried?
By the way, Peter? Where in Europe?
Mailman, as much as I’d love to divulge where I am, let’s just say that there was a strong hint earlier. I am on a non-surfing related enterprise, but I have been in a North African country you appear to be familiar with.
Fanndroid up next. Take a drink whenever the commentary mentions him as ‘the fastest surfer on the planet’. I might need to set the alarm for Slater…
Stay strong Mailman, It’s going to be a long year. Stay strong.
Peter Perfecto,
Saludos desde Francia! No tome demasiado sangria!
Hasta luego!
El Cartero
Funny you mention that, Jamon. They’re actually good buddies, so the possibility exists!