Notes from the Quik Pro Part II

3 03 2010

Bede Durbidge was near perfect in round three. Photo: ASP/Cestari

Fuck you Henry Ford and Thomas Edison. As I watch surfing on my computer I am convinced the mute button is the best invention ever.

Snapper Rocks came alive on Tuesday. The waves were tricky. The sun finally came out. The difference between a nightmare and a dream is ever so slight. Sorry, I stole that last line from one of the commentators. I promise to never do it again.

The first heat of the day. Two Brazilians. Adriano de Souza and Jadsen Andre. “Two birds with one stone” turned into “I want both to win.” I now have a strange desire to snuggle up with a soccer ball.

Six months ago Bede Durbidge did not have a clothing sponsor. Surfing is not fair. Baseball is not fair either but at least talent is rewarded, not hype. Bede should have signed a contract with the New York Yankees. Instead, he is a Kansas City Royal. Kansas City is now known for tubes and BBQ Sauce. Surfing is not fair.

Andy Irons gives the best post-heat interviews. He should do the commentating with Occy. Oh, my bad. This is a Quiksilver event. It’s like asking a Jew to go to confession. Surfing is not fair.

Dane Reynolds is no Kelly Slater. Sometimes Dane isn’t even Dane. Kelly is always Kelly. They passed the Olympic torch last week. Surfing’s torch needs more seasoning. Life is not fair.

Like many, I think Jordy was pushed. Tiago Pires won the heat. I read somewhere that Jeremy Flores thinks the judges have biases towards Americans and Aussies. He thinks the Euros are often short changed. Jordy is South African and Flores was beat like a French-headed step child.

I totally wrote off Kai Otton. He impressed. Kai didn’t have the highest heat score of the day but for some reason I still remember his waves. Beating Dean Morrison at Snapper is not easy. It’s like beating the Devil in a game of hand grenades in Hell.

I see that Adriano de Souza and Bede are on opposite ends of the draw. I would not be surprised if each made the final. But this is surfing. And surfing is…not fair.

QUIKSILVER PRO GOLD COAST ROUND 4 MATCH-UPS:
My picks in bold.
Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 2: Chris Davidson (AUS) vs. Taj Burrow (AUS)
Heat 3: Bobby Martinez (USA) vs. Damien Hobgood (USA)
Heat 4: Kai Otton (AUS) vs. Mick Fanning (AUS)
Heat 5: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Fredrick Patacchia (HAW)
Heat 6: Daniel Ross (AUS) vs. Dane Reynolds (USA)
Heat 7: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Kieren Perrow (AUS)
Heat 8: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Jordy Smith (ZAF)

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179 responses

3 03 2010
sheapez

Hi, my name is Shea and I find Nugable very entertaining.

3 03 2010
hi

tell SURFER they suck and i didnt renew my subscription.

3 03 2010
hi

Sorry that sounded rude,

” Due to the editorial direction I am no longer willing to meet the monetary requirements to keep my subscription current. “

3 03 2010
sheapez

Sorry to hear that. Now is a great time to renew then, I just sent my check in the other day. 12$ for 12 issues of Surfer and Surfing mag. Enjoy the webcast today.

3 03 2010
The Nug

Welcome aboard. You are my favorite Lopez…after Gerry and Cory of course. Seriously though. Big fan.

3 03 2010
Yair

You are a genius!!!
And there was no doubt that Kelly was the best of the best yesterday.

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Question for the Nug: Do you honestly believe Dane Reynolds deserved to win his heat yesterday? And what are the chances that he gets within .25 points of the required score to move on in the dying embers of the heat? Flores is righteously pissed.

3 03 2010
The Nug

Yes he deserved to win.

3 03 2010
Huey

Sorry nug but Surfing is fair.

Its surf comps that AREN”T>

3 03 2010
The Nug

Plus 1 for Huey.

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Flores would totally be a world champion skimboarder

3 03 2010
Pull out

TRy OUR NEW UNDERWEAR LINE!!

3 03 2010
pete

flow and style my bru, check the criteria, tiago had a few too many little bogs, whilst jordy oozes power flow and style. good to see solid carving outscores OK barrels, a welcome change from the perry era. jordy breaks through tomorrow against the kellygod.

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Jamon Bagel: Another unabashed Reynolds apologist. This ain’t the Dark Ages, folks; there’s no Messiah coming. He’s got an highly-developed New School style without the requisite power, cunning, and instincts. Basically a Josh Kerr 2.0.

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

Not fair is having to listen to Todd Kline chirp his annoying rant. Surfing isn’t fair, yesteday a booger burned me and got drained. I was pissed! But Jordy beat tiago because he is a better surfer and maximized the waves hesurfed. Tiago got barreled, but mead several opportunities to showcase top 44 surfing. Parkos dad could have pulled in to that wave. Back to the epic webcast, worst commentators of all time:

GT and Kline tied for most annoying
Dino Andino a skipping record, no wonder he got clipped
Dave Stansfield ( sorry Dave, this ain’t ABC sports)
shmoo, god remember when him and kline were together in the booth? Painful!
Mailman. (although from readng you here, it’s not your views, I like what you have to say, it’s your voice, maybe a voice coach could help you?)
that Brazilian dude!
There must be more, need coffee…

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Pete,

Flow and style are important. But you, like the judges, checked the ‘turns in the critical point of the wave’ criteria at your mental door. Check the critical turns that Tiago made. Each time he did one, I fully expected him to fall. Yet each time he willed his way to a landing. Whereas Jordy never came close to pulling those critical manouevers. He surfed safe, while looking fairly smooth. No wow factor whatsoever.

Jordy’s definitely a better overall talent, that just didn’t bring the goods to that heat. He should be packing for Bells right now, but the bi-polar judging lets another puck past the goalie.

Oh well, if the comp runs today, perhaps justice will be dispensed.

3 03 2010
JEwish people

Better chance is for hitler to return from the dead with an Hallmark apology card for us.

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

what was dane’s girlfriend wearing? did he find her in a children’s book?

at least jordy has a miniscule chance of beating slater today, tiago, no chance.

best commentators of all time:
kelly
occy
snips (come on, the guy is straight up)
cote (especially if Gerry is with him)
ryan hakman (that;s what we need in the booth, more real surfers)
enoch ward (come on man, send them your resume)

3 03 2010
pedro

Tiagi allready did it in the past. Remember!

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

who wears underwear anyways? Euros?

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Tiago had no chance of beating Sl9er huh??

Comment of the Weak!

3 03 2010
What if

Quikie may be following slater.

Think about last year kelly rode those horrible boards (wizard sleeve/ aka Pamela anderson) making his run for 10 a failure. Now look at him this year. His surfing like his boards are cool again.

By the time the webcast is over it will not matter what quickie produces next time, It will be viewed as great .

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Mike, Mark, or Mailman:

Please dig up the record of Tiago vs. Slater. At this point, I think it would be an “upset” if Slater beat Tiago.

3 03 2010
Deal of the day

Nugable is on sale for FREE.99 and comes with an insert.( Mikes Life)

3 03 2010
The Nug

Yeah but the photos suck.

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

@ enough warts excuse me, tiago had as much of a chance against slater as keiren has against bede.

@ what if huh?

people i’d like to see in the commentators booth:
gerr
benji
derek hynd

3 03 2010
What if

Just sayin the best way to make yourself look good, is to look bad first.

I dunno know just trying to make excuses till mailman swoops in with their real reasoning.

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Barry Dingle: Just let it go brother.

3 03 2010
Randomrandomness

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I’m sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesn’t matter.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I think what Randomrandomness was trying to say through all that convoluted prose, is that his priest never touched him. At least, not in a sexual way. Just in a way that allowed the priest’s penis inside his butthole.

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

It never ceases to amaze me; people so asinine they actually REPLY to the very stuff they claim to despise.

3 03 2010
Roxy PRo

If your wondering the ROXY pro is on hold.

We are talkin about shit that doesnt matter????

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Eh?

3 03 2010
al Cholic

Hi my name is AL Cholic and i find nugable enlightening…..

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Are you by chance related to Al Coholic?

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@ Perkus Tooth 12:01…

It was kind of hard to figure out what you meant with that combination of words. My interpretation is: You are calling me a Dane Reynolds apologist because of my comment that Flores would make a great skimboarder, correct?

Also please clarify…are you saying that Dane has the new school style but lacks power? And you are saying this in the context of defending Jeremy Flores?

Just want to make sure you said what I thought you said…

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

One of my kids had cholic when they were young. Thankfully, they grew out of that shit. I got tired of cleaning up all the stuff he spewed from his mouth.

3 03 2010
al Coholic

You guys are mean, I used to be a pro !

curler

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Comps on. Adriano vs. Ace.

3 03 2010
smyrnajeff

Without Mark this site is doomed.

3 03 2010
Randomrandomness

im so bored at work… i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies

3 03 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

What the fuck are you saying bagel boy? You want some beef with your ham?

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

ace should have a hotter chick. dane too. i wish i surfed like adriano.

enoch, is there something you want to say about your catholic upbringing? would make sense at this point.

do you guys all know each other? you all probably live in costa mesa.

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Uh-oh.

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

For clarification: By equating Flores to a skimboarder, you insinuate that Reynolds’ surfing is somehow inherently superior, made manifest by Flores’ resultant heat loss yesterday. Your interpretation is correct in that I find you and your ilk shameless Dane-swallowers, a mindset sadly reinforced with each sponsor-influenced heat decision. And again, since you seem lacking in comprehension of my oft-repeated verbose on the subject; yes, I believe calling Reynolds ‘powerful’ is like calling you ‘insightful’.

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Wow Perky, you got a lot from that skimboarder comment. I think you might have issues.

3 03 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

You are both gonna have issues in a minute, Ja-Maimed Bagel and Perkus Toothless. Hahahahahahahaha!!!

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Just be funny; leave the heavy lifting to the more-qualified.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Barry,

Yes. We all know each other here. But strictly in a ‘biblical sense.’ None of that plutonic nonesense. You’re either all in, or all out.

I live in Kabul. As do most of us who comment here. Pick up the phone, and give me a hollah. We can get together sometime and ‘chat’ as they call it.

Cheerio!

3 03 2010
Randomrandomness

Getting a high five from your dog when you’re stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

3 03 2010
Randomrandomness

I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

OK Perkus, I will let your words speak for themselves. From now on all heavy lifting is up to you. Try not to sprain anything.

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

And also, I bet Jeremy Flores is bitchin at rollerblading…

3 03 2010
Elwood

Taj is finally finding his form…. look out!

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Randomrandomness has a buttplug made out of spider legs, bondo and a sandwich of smashed armadillo assholes.

3 03 2010
Elwood

Regardless of judging, commentary, etc… there is one thing for certain:

there is nobody out there that is even close to threatening the A list pro’s. The beat downs given by Bede, Kelly, Mick, & Co. and now Taj are ridiculous.

The only new guy that looks like he may have some juice for the long run is that Jadson dude… not there yet but he’s only 19.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Bobby has been on point. He has no chance of winning against the remaining field on his backhand, but I’m rooting for him. I’ll root for anyone who is willing to throw down some honest comments about his fellow surfers and the tour.

Waves are still pumping.

3 03 2010
Mike

Come home from insane waves and Bobby is strangling a Hob good.

I’m feeling religious! God Bless you all!

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

May the Laird bless you to Mike.

Amen! Hallelujah! And fuck Jed Smith and all that he loves!!!!11!111!111!!!

3 03 2010
Elwood

Round 4 – Heat 3/ Rincon winter 09-10… Why Bobby is the the best backhand surfer in the world….

Hope be beats Fanndroid’s ass in the quarters.

3 03 2010
The Nug

Fuck just got back. We are on? Kai Otton is my hero because he has a sheephearder cut his hair.

That was something. The last time Mick Fanning fell on a wave some cat named Booth was yelling from the Ford Theatre in Latin.

3 03 2010
Elwood

Ok…. props to the judges for scoring that last exchange right…

I was certain they were gonna score Mick in the high 7’s for that wave…

3 03 2010
The Nug

I was thinking the same thing.

3 03 2010
Elwood

I take everything back and 8.93 for that last wave…. doggie door barrel and no critical turns… you gotta be fucking kidding me. That wave wasn’t even in the same ballpark as Bede’s yesterday.

3 03 2010
The Nug

I was thinking an 8. A little overscored. One of those turns was “crisp” as hell.

p.s. I promise to never use the word crisp ever again.

3 03 2010
Elwood

I was looking a mid – high 7’s… Mick’s gonna probably cover the 6.79 he needs, but he really should be chasing an 8 right now.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Kai’s giving Bobby a run for his money as the best backhander in this contest.

3 03 2010
The Nug

I think Kai is looking a little better than Bobby. Close. Damo looked really good on the backhand the other day too.

3 03 2010
Elwood

Go Freddy P….

make it 3 in a row for the screw-footers.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Clink, clink, clink.

**Pop**

Glub, glub, glub, glub… glub

{{shrugs – why not}}

Glub, glub… glub, glub, glub

Sssshhhhhlllluuuuuuuurrrpp!

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Cheers to you Kai Ottz!

3 03 2010
The Nug

The Man formerly known as Blasphemy would take a bullet for Kai Otton right now.

3 03 2010
Elwood

Wow…. first upset of the contest is a Huge one..

Nice work Kai.

Who is Kai sponsored by???… maybe Foxx outa sign him up.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I would fellate Kai Otten, his father, his father’s father, and his pet ferret. I may even go the route of the artist formerly known as Lazer, and eat a kernal of his scat corn.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Hawt Damn Freddy!

What are these goofy’s eating anyway? Are they surfing for Team Power Balance?

3 03 2010
The Nug

This is funny. I checked the stats just now. The following terms were searched to find Nugbale today.

who is blasphemy rottmouth
mick fanning sex toys
whales vagina retard
alana blanchard poster
Jed smith surf writer

Nugable readers are the best.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Are Mick and Joel dopplegangers? They are both doing the exact same turns, and finishing with the exact same reverse. They should just let Joel surf Mick’s heats for him.

3 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Dane just made it to his heat. He was tie-dying a t-shirt and developing a roll of kodachrome 64 at the same time while using a letterpress to update his website.

Mick and Joel dopplegangers? I thought I was drunk…

3 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Oh Adobe Flash, I hope you get trapped under a burning sofa and die a slow, horrible death.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

That was a nice hack. But Dane is surfing as if he picked the wrong easel and beret with which to paint his masterpiece. In other words, a little more fartsy, than artsy.

3 03 2010
Elwood

did somebody remove one of Dane’s fins before this heat?

3 03 2010
Clifton Evers

now i get to see some sick surfing. thank you mr dane reynolds. fuck yeah.

3 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Daniel Ross raises his hand to find how much time is left in the heat. In a related incident Dane raises his hand to feel the breeze between his fingers.

3 03 2010
Mike

Holy shit, Blasphemy’s soulmate is out of the contest!

Did I miss something, why is Mark “retired” again! Though it sounds like Global Cooling has drunken Mark’s Kool aid. Smyrna, call the big guy and see wha’ts up?

All you disciples of Dane, I want you to know 2 things…..

First, thou shalt not hold false God’s before Dane.
Second, enjoy the show before it ends.

3 03 2010
Clifton Evers

oh i am fucking enjoying it. i am a convert. dane reynolds is the messiah. it is embarrassing that he has to surf a heat with dan ross. shame on you asp. in future dane only begins in the final.

3 03 2010
Clifton Evers

fuck you flash, fuck youuuuuuu. fucking stupid software glitching bitch. i need to watch the messiah ffs

3 03 2010
Clifton Evers

noooooooooooo

3 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Clifton Evers = Dane Dick Suck.

Bede is surfing well…

3 03 2010
Global cooling

hiccupp….

Uhh when is somebody close to Dane gonna intervene and force him to ride a standard shortie when conditions call for them?? What was up with those butt drag pseudo turns?

3 03 2010
nice guys finish first

bede kills

3 03 2010
The Nug

If I smuggled drugs by sea I would name my boat the Kieren Perrow. It would be invisible.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Lols at Nug 16:44.

3 03 2010
nice guys finish first

dane reminds me of that guy in high school that loved to drop acid

3 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Bede’s fave move is an air. One day he’ll actually pull one off.

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

can’t they just say “fell”? Have you ever said, almost pulled that last floater but unfortunately I came unstuck.” is Dino Andino in the booth?

3 03 2010
clifton evers

@peter perfect.

Well, maybe. But since flash fucked up the whole thing I didn’t see whether he is really a ginger or not. And I don’t do Rangas.

3 03 2010
The Nug

@Clifton Evers.
Everytime Dane surfs Pontious Pilate buys two 2×4’s and a box of nails from the Home Depot in Hell.

3 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Flash is worse than board rash. At least board rash goes away.

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

battle of the february elevens. modern collective in black and white.

3 03 2010
Randomrandomness

In the 80’s I drank 1 glass of water per day. Now I average about 9.5. I feel exactly the same. Fuck water I’m over it, completely over it.

/and yes Enoch Ward, accurate descriptions.

3 03 2010
nice guys finish first

i just heard that when the cavs meet the lakers in the nba final that they are going to halt it after the series is tied 2 to 2 and hold the final game of the wnba finals.

kind of let kobe and lebron rest a little you know.

3 03 2010
The Nug

Fantastic.

3 03 2010
Elwood

Classic….

WTF… Are they even gonna let us know if they are gonna finish today or not.

3 03 2010
Global cooling

is that for real? Chicks on next?

3 03 2010
Global cooling

8.33 overscore

3 03 2010
The Nug

Jordy’s 8.33 was not as good as his 7. Not even close. That being said, he is still beating Kelly.

3 03 2010
m

are the guys done for the day or are they coming back later on?

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

God I love Lisa Andersen.

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

I bet you could train a monkey to surf better than most of these girls. why are we wasting head high nugs on this? i’m predicting many “ustuck” calls…

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Jordy definitely deserved that heat. Scoring is still looking like a drunk epileptic trying to pin the tail on Taj’s Burrow. Overall, I think the right guys, based solely on the surfing today, made it through.

Score one for team Mailman.

The men should be finishing in manly conditions.

Its not fun watching ladies grapple with these conditions.

And by ladies, I am not referring to Silvana Lima.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

And by masturbation, I do mean Coco Ho’s bottom turns.

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Please don’t disparage Sivana Lima; if she were the last woman on earth, got me completely smashed, and my dog was on the rag, I’d giver her a go. But only if she promised not to throw feces everywhere once we finished.

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

The women’s tour just isn’t as much fun without Alana Blanchard. I do miss her.

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

actually, coco is killing it. she looks like she’s out cruising at v-land. lisa is hot but sounds like she might be medicated.

3 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

No joke Barry, Coco Ho surfs better than us.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Perkus, you are a brave, brave soul.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Boobs.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Coco is ripping. If only she would allow me to gnaw on her kneecaps after rubbing them with wasabe and small cubes of calf slobber. For her, I would compose sonnets, fast for a month, even drive the speed limit for one month.

She surfs like a woman, not a girl.

What the hell are we talking about again??

3 03 2010
m

@ enoch

“and small cubes of calf slobber”

amazing!

3 03 2010
Charlie Smith

Hey! What the…??

I came here to watch the men surf. I didn’t sign up to chat about females. So, how did Dane’s hair look? Were their any oopsies (where the male competitor’s cock accidently slips out the bottom of their trunks)?

Was Bede fully shaved?

These are important points for my next piece. It shall be titled “I Have Nothing To Say, But A Homosexual Slant Is Like Totally Original.”

KTHXBYE.

XOXO

3 03 2010
Mike

Dingle is Mark.

3 03 2010
Elwood

The boys are consistently dropping 8’s and 9’s in solid surf with good weather…

can someone please explain to me WTF is going on here? Are we done for the day?

3 03 2010
Mike

Kelly lost? WTF.

3 03 2010
Barry Dingle

god this is hard to watch, enoch, amuse us…

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Barry,

Amuse you? That’s Nug’s job, not mine. But I was just thinking that if I were lying half-dead in a hospital and either Bruna or Sally took a dump in my IV, I’d probably spring back to life, mend my ways, and lead a better existence henceforth.

Probably.

3 03 2010
Elwood

@ Mike,

?? … is at the root of why they (ASP, oops I mean Quik.) could possible conceive of pulling something like this that woman’s surf product account for almost 50% of the sales and they make much more $$/sale on woman’s product…. chicks will drop $70 on a bathing suit no problema

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Chas will be happy. The men will surf at the end of this siesta.

Nikita Robb has more wiggle, jiggle and giggle on her backside than Mark’s mom doing the River Dance with a live octopus in a vat of perfectly chilled double-dark cherry Jell-O.

Not that I would know from first hand experience (I’ll leave that to Jordy to explain). No, I just went through the ASP Women’s profiles for the first time. Roseanne Hodge?? Hubba hubba.

Lisa Anderson does have a sexy voice.

Unlike Todd Kline.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I just read my last comment (gawdamn the inability to delete your own comments) and do not feel as though I maintained the flow from start to finish whilst keeping my rail.

I believe as though I am beginning to feel the effects of my favorite distilled beverage uponst my parched brain.

‘Nother round???

3 03 2010
Todd Kline

You guys are hurting my feelings, please stop! I’m doing the best that I can, I mean geez, it’s noy easy up here. you guys are right, Lisa Anderson is hot but has really bad breath. Anyone know where Chas is?

3 03 2010
Mike

I’m proud of you Elwood, nice presumption.

The goldy is filled with chicks… who surf. The beach scene there is hard to understand until you visit. HB is contrived surf, surf, surf. Coolie doesn’t have to try, it just is and the sheila’s have way more discretionary income because fashion is a priority.

Those chicks like to get rooted and thank Laird for that. Ooooopps, I meant dane.

That reaffirmed, I thought the CT had rid itself of the sideshow women’s tour.

Do you guys remember the days when it would be semifinals in the morning and you get all hyped about a Curren/Occy showdown? The tide is dropping, the wind is slack and super fun peaks are popping up. Without fail, the womens final would be sent out into the day’s best conditions.

An hour later, Occy and Curren paddle out to drained out, textured sideshore slop. I know, because I always got out in time to see the finals.

“Fucking winds turning on….better ride up to the pier for the final!”

3 03 2010
bored

this site is tired.

after nug goes to work for surfline who will take over?

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@bored,

Well Mark, you can go right back to sleeping with your sister in Alabama.

It’s a win-win.

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Peter Perfect 16:32:21

Dude, you are ON!!! Mark this day. You have set a new standard for Peterperfection.

Lazer, you need to reclaim your name and your game….I remember when you used to bring it.

Enoch, I recommend Alka Seltzer. It can dent even the worst hangovers.

Kai Otton, I light a candle for you. You, the new Sarah Connor, have defeated the Fanndroid, giving new hope for the future of humanity. All hail!

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

It’s business time.

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

PS, Fuck Evan Lysacek. Jeremy Flores definitely would have brought home the gold in male figure skating.

3 03 2010
Jumaine

You know when I’m down to my socks what time it is. it’s time for business… that’s why they call them business socks.” Aw yeah…

3 03 2010
Mike

Kai Otton delivers Blasphemy from Rottenmouth.

If you guys only knew true religion and of course God like I do, you would be going to heaven. As it is, your chasing the wrong ghost and it’s ok for me to exclude you… well, more than ok, it’s written in stone!

Glory be to God in the highest and peace to his people (no one else) on earth. Basically the bible belt and Utah.

Oh well, try to enjoy purgatory.

3 03 2010
Mike

Funny how ornry and bored Mark is after he quits Pabst Blue Ribbon.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@ Mike,

Yeah, me n’ Bede are toiling amongst the fire and brimstone otherwise known as the Quik webcast. We hope to carry out Apolyon’s sulfuric will and render agony to the glistening ordained one so-called henceforth The Dane.

But, I hath a warning for you heretics. As it says in II Durbridgeonomy 13:666 – “Lo though I travail through the valley of the shadow of behemoth Snapper, I shalt fear no Dane. I shalt smite him with my rod and my staff of few-stickers. Him wilt I kill. For my foe is much weak in his mind, and thou dost deliver him into mine hands. So saith The Laird.”

So there you have it. The scriptures are holy.

And they have spokeneth.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

9.27

I am dumbfounded.

Do these judges even use the right side of their brains? You know, the side that exhibits logic? That was a good wave. Not an excellent wave.

But if that were Tiago, he would have garnered an earth-shattering 6.0.

Local crowd powers the battery of the bullshit artists formerly known as the ASP judging staff.

3 03 2010
Turdanista

If that was a 9.27, my evening Steaming Grogan was a solid 12.06.

3 03 2010
Mike

‘spokeneth”…. hee hee.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Ottz vs. Bobby

Whose backside will be the tightest? In a non-Chas sense.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Ottz was slightly underscored with his last wave. 5.77 shoulda been a full point higher. But how ’bout Bobby? Lookin’ good there so far, amigo.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

St. Dane of Alabia is about to surf.

Let us all bow the knee and observe wild wonder of the Venturian Candidate.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Bobby wrecked that wave. I predict a high 9.0.

But, the judges will give it a 7.0 since he ain’t a Coolie.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

8.33

A compromise that only the US Supreme Court could love.

3 03 2010
Elwood

Something about Latina’s and their backside…. best in the world.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I fell as though I am about to sin.

In my pants.

3 03 2010
Mike

@ Elwood, Bobby is a guy… backside and all.

Guess the “heliview” kills Dave Mailman’s assertion of budgetary compromises!

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

At the halfway point (13 minutes), the future of The Dane is in the balance.

Dane has outsurfed Parko by a mile, and yet the judges have left the door wide open for Parko. Why? Only the Laird knows how Parko got an 8.5 for that mediocre mess.

Even Potz just backed me up.

I am drunk.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Nevermind.

That barrel by The Dane made me think he has a slight chance against The Bede.

Pete Mel is about to blow his jizz all over the commentary booth like a fireman in 1960’s Alabama hosing down the people that Jed “the Greek” Smith loves to manipulate.

3 03 2010
SmyrnaDane

I have decided to change my name, move to Ventura and beg Dane Reynolds to let me mow his yard and wash his truck every single day.

Hey Mike can I crash on your couch for a month or ten until I can find a waiter job or construction job or somethin?

I am willing to fly for Stella’s at your command AND I twist the meanest dooquah in all of Central Florida.

P.S. Can Gorkin come too?

3 03 2010
Mike

Joel is broken and beaten…

2 mid 8’s and he’s comboed, ouch.

3 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Lazer, what did you think of that heat? Did the sponsors push Dane through again? Too bad he has no power….might have scored higher.

3 03 2010
Mike

Didn’t ask about you smyrna…. what about Mark?

3 03 2010
SmyrnaDane

Gorkin jus let me know that he is changing his name as well.

He will now, in honor of Dane Reynolds, be known as “Dorkin”.

Hey Mike is there a liquor store within walking distance to your pad?

Thing is my truck broke down so if I am going to fly for Stella’s I will have to either walk or use your chicks car.

Does she have a killer rig? Because if I am gonna live in Cali I don’t want to be seen drivin a fuckin beater.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Jordy’s ‘rapping’ sounds like a waterballoon filled with sour cream and defunct trust-fund bank notes being fed slowly into the rabid mandibles of a seizuring epileptic.

Or, the sounds of sucking.

3 03 2010
The Nug

Shit. I thought they were done for the day. What did I miss? Apparently there is white smoke rising from the Coolangotta Vatican.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Jordy looks like a serial killer cloaked as a truck driver who is trying to avoind child-molestation charges in another county.

He surfs really well though.

But that’s just me.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Jordy looks like a serial killer cloaked as a truck driver who is trying to avoid child-molestation charges in another county.

He surfs really well though.

But that’s just me.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Hmmmm. A double post.

Perhaps I am significantly drunk.

Better check the fridge again to be sure.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Nug,

Got some X? I am pretty sure an orgy is in order after that last heat.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Bede was RIPPED on that 6.5?

That was a point to two under. Fucking unbelieveable.

3 03 2010
Mike

No Way… changing of the guard in old skool conditions.

3 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Jordy has been ordained by the gods… of suck.

Tiago and Bede BOTH beat him and yet, he’s still ticking in this comp.

The only dissapointment in a stellar Quarterfinals.

3 03 2010
Elwood

Bede and Jordy was a toss up. Was hoping for Bede… but I don’t think he was that ripped… he didn’t have the projection in his turns that he did earlier… but still ripping and still the Man.

3 03 2010
Elwood

@MIke,

Used to be married to a Latina… her backside is the only thing I miss about her.

3 03 2010
SmyrnaDane

One more thing Mike.

The Gieselmans want to know if you get Fuel T.V. as part of your cable package?

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

I’ve come around on Dane Reynolds. And not in that way. I used to think he was a Quik marketing scheme being forced up surf culture’s collective rectum; I must apologize. He’s grown on me, much like a hemorrhoid or expanding prostate, and with each painful swelling I am reminded of why all the hype surrounds the guy.

That said (lest Jamon Bagel thinks I’ve grown soft), I still think Jordy Smith is a more well-rounded surfer than Dane Reynolds. However, it does appear Reynolds has found a competitive streak amongst the indie-clutter filling his noggin, the lack of which I previously found off-putting. My hope is that now that he realizes that to keep people interested, you must show you care about what you do.

‘Till tomorrow you boot-licking sunzabitches

4 03 2010
sheapez

@Nug

Everything appears to be fair, at least on the surface. 3 most exciting contest surfers into the semis. The token goofy is the best of the bunch and a joy to watch.
The judges have made baby steps towards changing the way they score rides, not just waves. That might sound bad, but is a huge jump from years past.
Reading Nugable comments in the morning puts a smile on my face

4 03 2010
Randomrandomness

I want to make a porn site called “girls with daddy issues”

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

What if Dane were to win this thing, and get a little taste, and decide he wants more victory.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….

4 03 2010
Global cooling

the implication is that in the past Dane never tried hard…which is rubbish. He gives it his all (always has). His problem has always been his refusal to dial it down a notch when called for.

4 03 2010
@ random

i get my dog high all the time and he never returns the favor, this is the worst part of being a pet owner….

4 03 2010
@ random

If there was a gang fight between an LA based mexican gang and the BRA boys who would win??

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Man, some of y’all love mining for implications.

I don’t doubt that Dane surfs hard. What I am suggesting is that if he decides to focus more on winning, and incorporate a bit of physical and mental fitness into his current non-regimen, and develop a smidgen of strategy, we could be looking at a real force on tour.

That is all.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@ @random

We all would win. Because in a perfect world, they would all kill each other.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Oh great, Eunuch is answering his own questions…

4 03 2010
Easy E

C’mon Bobbo! Take out Taj and make this a non-aussie affair

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