Bells Preview

26 03 2010

Joel Parkinson rang the Bell in 2009. Look for Parko to have a strong showing in 2010. Photo by ASP/Scholtz

First, I need to rant about something. Josh Kerr should be given a special wildcard in every event this year. Period. Take a wildcard away from the event sponsor at each stop. From what I understand ASP doctors misdiagnosed the severity of his ankle injury last season and he lost his spot because of it. He belongs on the Dream Tour. End of story.    

Next, the following is my Fantasy Surfer team. If you want to join the Official Nugable Clubhouse, all are welcome.*    

Jordy Smith
His punts are like spring rainbows. His rails rain oceanic blood like Samurai swords murdering the Easter Bunny.    

Kelly Slater
The Lumpy Gravy at Bells might just kick-start his quest for 10.      

Kai Otton
His curly locks are so shaggy even Pottz is envious. His backside is lethal.  The way he was surfing at Snapper leads me to believe he’ll make the quarters at the very least.    

Dane Reynolds
When rookie roadkill lies lifeless near the Great Ocean Road, the Venturian Candidate** will need an alibi.    

Owen Wright
Everyone has Owen on their team. He’s like the lone black kid at an all-Asian school when they pick sides for the basketball team.    

Kekoa Bacalso
Bam makes my team just because he likes to drink, buries the rail and rides for Rip Curl. It’s not fucking astrophysics.    

Andy Irons
I really have two Hawaiians known for hatred of cold water on my team? Yeah, I do. ***   

Gabriel Medina
He is green. He is Brazilian. He can huck. It will be interesting if he draws Mick Fanning**** or Parko early.  

Lastly, Shea Lopez graciously agreed to give his thoughts and experiences on Bells.  

Shea On Bells
“Rip Curl does know it’s 2010? In the midst of all the changes to the tour, this year is the perfect time to reinvent this comp. What constitutes a good wave in the now is a far cry from what my dad and his friends searched for in the ’60s. I understand and fully respect the history behind this event, but Bells is a hoo-haw of a wave. The wave is mushy when small, and even mushier if it actually gets big. At size, it’s only barely double overhead, breaks wide of the bowl and closes out across to Winkipop — where the real wave begins. A masters, retro fish, or longboard event would be much more suited for the wave.    

My disgust for surfing heats at Bells was unequaled anywhere on the WT, or even the WQS. My preparation consisted of surfing Winki and praying the event moved there or Joanna. My best result being a fifth at Joanna, while my brother got a third at Phillip Island. The most memorable heat I surfed at Bells was after a long night of partying with some childhood friends of mine. They were just along for the ride and I never minded showing them a good time. Long story, short version. I puked numerous times in the line-up and then blacked out momentarily in the shorebreak. As I stumbled up the beach I had no idea I’d just beaten one of my childhood heroes…until the video crew came rushing up to interview me. A similar experience unfolded that very night, except the next morning Dorian put me in a severe combo situation. 

That’s it. That’s all I can remember of relevance from 10 years at Bells. With numerous quality waves in the area, it’s a shame to waste so much talent on the bunny slopes of Bells.”   

———
*Even if Fantasy Surfer is a colossal failure so far this year and it might make you a little gay by playing.
**Venturian Candidate is a registered trademark borrowed from Enoch Ward. 
*** Mark’s Mom loves this pick.
**** I thought I was hallucinating when Mick’s name was not mentioned in the pre-event release. This is still a Rip Curl event right? He’s world champ? I can’t imagine why he was left out.
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