Bells Preview

26 03 2010

Joel Parkinson rang the Bell in 2009. Look for Parko to have a strong showing in 2010. Photo by ASP/Scholtz

First, I need to rant about something. Josh Kerr should be given a special wildcard in every event this year. Period. Take a wildcard away from the event sponsor at each stop. From what I understand ASP doctors misdiagnosed the severity of his ankle injury last season and he lost his spot because of it. He belongs on the Dream Tour. End of story.    

Next, the following is my Fantasy Surfer team. If you want to join the Official Nugable Clubhouse, all are welcome.*    

Jordy Smith
His punts are like spring rainbows. His rails rain oceanic blood like Samurai swords murdering the Easter Bunny.    

Kelly Slater
The Lumpy Gravy at Bells might just kick-start his quest for 10.      

Kai Otton
His curly locks are so shaggy even Pottz is envious. His backside is lethal.  The way he was surfing at Snapper leads me to believe he’ll make the quarters at the very least.    

Dane Reynolds
When rookie roadkill lies lifeless near the Great Ocean Road, the Venturian Candidate** will need an alibi.    

Owen Wright
Everyone has Owen on their team. He’s like the lone black kid at an all-Asian school when they pick sides for the basketball team.    

Kekoa Bacalso
Bam makes my team just because he likes to drink, buries the rail and rides for Rip Curl. It’s not fucking astrophysics.    

Andy Irons
I really have two Hawaiians known for hatred of cold water on my team? Yeah, I do. ***   

Gabriel Medina
He is green. He is Brazilian. He can huck. It will be interesting if he draws Mick Fanning**** or Parko early.  

Lastly, Shea Lopez graciously agreed to give his thoughts and experiences on Bells.  

Shea On Bells
“Rip Curl does know it’s 2010? In the midst of all the changes to the tour, this year is the perfect time to reinvent this comp. What constitutes a good wave in the now is a far cry from what my dad and his friends searched for in the ’60s. I understand and fully respect the history behind this event, but Bells is a hoo-haw of a wave. The wave is mushy when small, and even mushier if it actually gets big. At size, it’s only barely double overhead, breaks wide of the bowl and closes out across to Winkipop — where the real wave begins. A masters, retro fish, or longboard event would be much more suited for the wave.    

My disgust for surfing heats at Bells was unequaled anywhere on the WT, or even the WQS. My preparation consisted of surfing Winki and praying the event moved there or Joanna. My best result being a fifth at Joanna, while my brother got a third at Phillip Island. The most memorable heat I surfed at Bells was after a long night of partying with some childhood friends of mine. They were just along for the ride and I never minded showing them a good time. Long story, short version. I puked numerous times in the line-up and then blacked out momentarily in the shorebreak. As I stumbled up the beach I had no idea I’d just beaten one of my childhood heroes…until the video crew came rushing up to interview me. A similar experience unfolded that very night, except the next morning Dorian put me in a severe combo situation. 

That’s it. That’s all I can remember of relevance from 10 years at Bells. With numerous quality waves in the area, it’s a shame to waste so much talent on the bunny slopes of Bells.”   

———
*Even if Fantasy Surfer is a colossal failure so far this year and it might make you a little gay by playing.
**Venturian Candidate is a registered trademark borrowed from Enoch Ward. 
*** Mark’s Mom loves this pick.
**** I thought I was hallucinating when Mick’s name was not mentioned in the pre-event release. This is still a Rip Curl event right? He’s world champ? I can’t imagine why he was left out.
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284 responses

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I agree with Shea. I surfed Bells exactly once – just to say I paddled through the hallowed waters where our beloved Bodhi met his maker on that 100 year swell. I spent the rest of the trip at Winki catching fun waves while keeping a wary eye out for the sharks.

I hate sharks.

The ASP could even market the contest better if it was The Rip Curl Pro Winki.

Who isn’t pro-winki? Riiiight PeterPerfect?

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

And thanks for the new post, Nugs. It was growing tiresome having to scroll down through 300 comments every time I wanted to emit some gas from my keyboard.

But 300 comments??!

Congratufuckinglations!

26 03 2010
the lantern

@eunuch wart

You know why there where 300 comments?

because it’s not nugable anymore.

It’s the lantern show!

PPl flocked in to see king lantern ruling his new domain

26 03 2010
341!

The number of comments on 02/26/10.

One glorious month ago.

Long before we had to scroll through the drivel being espoused by the Stab defector. Go back to your home. You belong with those Neanderthals.

26 03 2010
the lantern

@341

Tell the boys at stab to stop moderating the site and i will go back

censorship offends me lantern

26 03 2010
jim b

Good job on the site Nug.

Looks like 200 plus comments on a fairly regular basis with some decent stars like Shea joining in.

I even like the Lantern although the racist humor is a little too much. Mark is tired and needs to take a break as do Mike and Enoch Ward. Especially Mike with his lame liberal ideological bullshit rants.

Anyway keep it up and hopefully CaliGirl will stick around. She sounds like a fiesty little thing.

26 03 2010
the lantern

@ jim b
I”ll be suprised if we here from cali girl for a while.After hearing the lanterns love advice she is probably holed up in some bohemian bar with great dane.Either that or plotting the demise of great danes ranga.

I agree it’s a great little site. 3 cheers for gold nugget.

If we have to have a washed up pro spinning the yarn can’t you at least get a successful one? What about occy? that guys jaw is to die for! Nah just kidding.Occy is a kook (apart from his backside bottom turn to reo) His massive jaw weighs him down and he loses balance and falls off a lot.What about danny wills? That guys a gentleman and surely has a lot of free time on his hands.

suggestive lantern

26 03 2010
ed

I don´t think Jordy, Dane, Owen or Medina will do good at bells, the wave just doesn´t deliver.

Guys like Kelly, Parko, Mick and Andy have way more experience fucking killing any type of wave.. but wait.. Mick fucking killing a wave?? well.. the wave is just as boring as his surf, it suits him

just my 2cents

@shea
even Rio was better than Bells??

26 03 2010
shealo

Rio was always fun…and that’s all I’m saying. Plus I got a 2nd there in fun lefts. Some kook named Taj beat me in the final.

26 03 2010
Bondi sucks

Jordy’s got a good shot. He’s got that big drawn out turn that throws lots of spray like Parko and Andy.
Dane rips any wave but will go better if they move it to winki. He’s on a bit of a roll as well with his last 2 competition efforts seeing him end up in the semis.
Andy has won here twice, maybe 3 times? Could be time for some competitive redemption. Wouldn’t hold the breath though. As long as he drops one of those brutal layback hacks he borrowed from archy/pottz I’ll be happy.
Winner will be Slater or Jordy

26 03 2010
The Nug

Dearest commentors,

Please take note. I don’t moderate the comments, but there are a few unspoken rules.

1. Be entertaining.
2. Lay off underage surfers.
3. Have fun.

26 03 2010
Might I Suggest...

…that Sheapez buries more rail on a single turn than the lantern will bury in his next five lifetimes.

That is if Lantern ever leaves his basement.

26 03 2010
Might I Suggest...

….that last comment just slipped out. I dont know who I was bashing…just a memory of a boring dream I had a week or so ago.

26 03 2010
SHE

@nug

Josh Kerr really got bent over by the new and improved wildcard committee

26 03 2010
Ponto Pete

Wow, just finished an epic surf at my namesake, so rad…. me that is. I’m on fire with my new diet and this flawless 12-6″ I just scored from Surftec. So cool to have Shea Lopez share his insights, wish I could meet you in person. But I’m pretty down with a lot of pros cause I’m in the bro scene. As Nug can attest to, I’m the most pro surfing knowlegable person on this site. Even my mom knows her shit and my dog. Have to get back to being ethical on the lot right now, gonna make a million dollars this weekend! Then I’m taking Enoch , Jamon, Elwood, Mark, Nuggy, Smyrna Jeff and Cali girl on a boat trip to the Maldives…. Fuck Gorkin though, he gets too drunk sometimes when we bro down. Man, can’t wait for Bells. I pick Jordy, he’s rad and he knows some chicks. Someday, I’m gonna take my act to Bell’s and blow them all away with my rail work. Yeah, that’s ripping of the highest order. Oh, Mailman is of course invited on the trip, one of my inner circle. Sheapez is cool too. Fuck Trauzer.

26 03 2010
Elwood

sounds wacked but I’m looking forward to the Brazil contest way more than Bells. The first time we may actually get to see some of the new crew strut their stuff.

Keep an eye on Pat G. at Bells. Only cause he’s a bigger-taller regular foot and that seems to work well there…. maybe he can pull a 9th. Same with A.I… he could pull a 9th or 5th so he can hang around and die a slow death the second half of the season.

@ Perkus Tooth (15:40 last Post). Did you ever see that photo a long time ago where Slates had some piece of shit car on the North Shore with the shot gun seat layed back with all his boards piled up and he had Pam riding in the back seat behind him….. no other surfer on the planet (pro or not) could ever pull that move off.

26 03 2010
Dave Maleman

Bon Jour mates, just enjoying a spot of tea with the missus when I noticed Nug finally had posted something new to comment upon. The last thread was becoming obnoxious and once my issues with Mark were resolved ( thank Laird), I return to the business of disseminating ASP messages through random blogs.

Well, it’s almost upon us and I can’t wait to see the elite pro’s deal the cards at the Bell’s casino!!!! The music festival is to die for and the trinket bazzaar will have your lady spending money you didn’t know you had. I hate to say who I think will win, BECAUSE I AM EVERYBODY’S BEST MATE! Especially Mark.

Boy, the energy down here at the Bell’s carnival is so great, I haven’t even checked the surf yet!!! Rincon will be hopping and I know the girls are frothing to rip it up for the crowds.

I’ll be back in a few with the complete statistics for every Bells event since 1976! Then I can explain the new rulebook that even Jamie wouldn’t burn!!! So great to get this season started and tune in for all the action as Brody promises one Bell of a Show!

26 03 2010
Dave Maleman

@she…. what really happened was we held a board meeting and decided to allow anyone within earshot a chance at a wildcard! Brilliant move by the Rip Curl boys. Raffle will be at 8PM tonight underneath the ferris wheel over by the Volcom Booth. None other than Neil Ridgeway will preside and the winner will get to have dinny with Damien Hardman over in the Rip Curl Food Court! Of course, Rip Curl and Fuel will be on hand to air all the mischeif and there’s even a rumor that Tom Curren may arrive in Melbourne any moment!

As for Rod Kerr, he shouldn’t fake injuries just to avoid Parko’s half of the draw.

Cheers boys!

26 03 2010
the lantern

@ ponto pete
The lantern is going to follow your boat trip around in a larger more powerful boat and drop in on you all.
Joss Krap is a kook. People are making such a big deal out of that ugly straight air followed by a standard issue air reverse. What about the second air reverse he did.The turn afterwards threw 1 foot of spray.THe guy can’t do turns, is inconsistant with his airs and has an ungainly style like a string puppet.Plus he goes home to some other mans leftovers.Rusty should fuck him off and either get JOB back or find someone who deserves a real sponsor such as bede.FOX wetsuits for a surfer ranked in the top 5 every year? Rangas are the new negro.Talk about discriminated against.

Liberace lantern

p/s anyone find it a co-incydink joss got overscored on his 2nd air and a rusty rider ended up winning a rusty contest?

26 03 2010
Rincon Bowl

Man, I’m so tired, can’t you just hold the comp down the bay a bit…. I feel so fat and lazy.

26 03 2010
The Ghost of Bhodi

Better hope its not a 100-year storm…

26 03 2010
Taj's Bagel

GT: ” oh right now, we have Taj’s Bagel just exiting his first round annihilation over Bart Simpson, how did it go out there?”

TB: “Aaawww, fer sure, felt good yaknow, yeahr had priority and was just hoping the ocean went flat for the last 18 minutes… so stoked, for sure”.

GT: “Once you built that big lead with that one turn out the back it’s almost as if it was destiny for you”?

TB: “Fer sure, yeahr that one turn early…. was that this heat? Had a rough nite with me chick and not really feelin it this morning for sure. But yeahr, the first set was still glassy before the wind turned on, good for the win I reckon for sure”.

GT: “Taj can you move closer for the camera shot, lean in…”

TB: “Pretty sobered up GT, think I’ll keep me distance for sure.”

GT: “Excuse me Taj, Adriano is up and riding, wanna go through this wave with me?”

As Taj turns toward the windblown high tide he finally spots Adriano “finishing” his last turn in the shorie… ” Yeahr, I reckon Adriano will get a score for that one, for sure”.

Camera pans the beach, then back to GT as Taylor Knox strokes into his wave.

GT: ” Good luck next round Taj,”

As the crowd hoots Taylors wave the camera focuses on Taj…. ” Yeahr, for sure, can’t wait, thanks mate”

Taj throws a shaka and Rip Curl goes to the Fanning commercial.

Now you don’t have to watch it boys!

26 03 2010
the lantern

i wouldn’t be suprised if taj’s bagel was jamon bagel

stinking. just stinking.

if u have to rip on tane beeblebub at least throw in a few pedafile jokes.

lantern grace

26 03 2010
the lantern's inner spirit

i’m illitimate inside, i’m sad

26 03 2010
Mike

Pat G has no chance Elwood and anticipating brazil is wacky. I can’t wait for Pipe because that will mean winters on us again.

Bede Durbidge will win the Bell’s trophy over Taj.

For all you bettin fools, that’s the goods…. Mark, please bet responsibly.

26 03 2010
Elwood

@ Mike…. Pat G. chance to break through the 3rd round… that’s all mate. I’m thinking a Bede/Kelly final…. 50/50 who wins.

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

*sniiiiiiifffff*

**aaaahhhhhhhh**

You hear that?

The sounds of silence.

No more static. No more muffled background noise. No more ill-conceived claims after two-point rides. Nevermore…

Quoth the Nug.

Alas, this scourge has been lifted. Now, where were we?

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Ah yes, I remember.

@Taj’s Bagel:

Lmfao! Good read mate! I don’t know if you are Jamon Bagel, Taj’s Burro, or both. That was a fun read.

Now that I’m seeing double, triple, and sometimes quadruple… I belive it’s time to turn in for the evening.

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Myself 23:46

*smacks head in epiphany*

Mike is a fucken genious.

Sorry Mark, but it’s true. Stellar work today, amigo.

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Seriously… “Dave Maleman”??

ROFLCOPTRZ!!!!1!!!1!

I still have tears streaming down my face after reading that. My stomache hurts so bad that I must finish the whole bottle tonight. Because Mark’s Jeebus told us that alcohol is good for the stomach.

The Alias war has been lifted to another level gentlemen.

We all must step up our games now.

27 03 2010
the lantern's inner spirit

i am a total halfwatt, but i keep posting just to make puns of my own name! I’m like that ham sandwich guy, except i’m a sandwich short of a picnic

vote 1 for lights out!

27 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

I can’t take credit for being Taj’s Bagel, but I do now count myself as a fan.

27 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

And if I were gamblin man, I would have to credit the work to a certain artist based north of Ventura, lately travelling in the southern hemisphere…

27 03 2010
jim b

“world class” artist.

27 03 2010
the lantern

The lantern was over at follow the fish tv dropping off a bit of hate mail that unfortunatly got stuck in the old ‘your comment has been saved for review’
when i came across the name shea lopez.thinking what a twat this washed up pro is on on this here site i thought i’d check the video.You have to endure half a minute of fishes crook head rambling on but then it shows shea with some other loud mouth obnoxious american gumby having an argument and carrying on like a pair of 4th graders

Check the link. It’s probably the best thing ever on follow the fish

http://followthefish.tv/?p=190

king lantern at 120 kw

27 03 2010
SHE-RA princeess of power

@Lantern

Mike Todd has been a friend of mine for years. I’ve stated before that I’ve never picked a fight and always stood up for myself, as was the case in Scotland. Nothing on that video am I ashamed of. I joke often with my friends about the comments that were made by Mike and myself. At least I had enough restraint not to call him an f….ing midget.

Yes the Lantern I am a washed up pro, but at at least I’m not “the lantern”

27 03 2010
the lantern

shea lopez making a huge scene on the beach after a bad heat.

http://followthefish.tv/?p=190

27 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

i’ve known shea since he was a 13 year old grom with amazingly advanced skills and all through his adult / competitive life and a twat he’s not.and he’ll never be ‘washed-up’. when he’s “done” with pro surfing he’ll leave on his own terms. the guy has a brain and a life plan, lantern. trust me on this one …

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@ButSeriouslyNow

You may want to use smaller words than “brain” and “life pattern” if you want the message to be heard by its intended audience.

Crayons may help as well.

29 03 2010
Wounded Albatross

A LITE_BRITE would be cool.

27 03 2010
the lantern

@butseriously now

Go watch the clip.

Video footage doesn’t lie.

King lantern

27 03 2010
the lantern

@ Eunuch wart.

I just wanted to inform you that the black guy next door with the 12 inch cock has been pleasuring your wife as an eunuch is not up to the job and even if he was she doesn’t want warts.
Go back to your basement and complain a little more troll.

Adios

Lantern

27 03 2010
the lantern

Say goodbye to the lantern show

The lantern is leaving the comforts of home for a brave new world. There will be icy waters, fresh fish and deserts, slabbing reef barrels and exotic broads.

My kingdom is in your hands

Freerange King Lantern

27 03 2010
the lantern

4 in a row

A lucky 4 leaved clover to finish things off

woo

Fortunate King Lantern

27 03 2010
peterbowes

what is it with you enoch? –

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I am not sure who you are or what you are talking about Peter.

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Mike,
What? No surf in NZ? Is the local greenery stoking your alias creativity? Anyway, I know it makes you happy. So keep on delivering, my man!

Yeah, EW, the “Maleman” is a funny guy! Funny you never commented on that before. Hmmmmm.

Can’t wait for Mark’s boat trip. Sounds like fun. Hope we’ve got an internet connection so we can keep up on the latest Nugable news and can watch all the comps on aspworldtour.com. I hate to miss the contests. I’m actually watching the O’Neill CWC Tasmania right now. I love listening to “Slamin'” Sam Lamiroy and Toby “Murdz” Martin on the mic. They rock!

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

PS people. Is it like a bad case of herpes? Or is it really gone? If it’s the latter, praise our dear Laird in Heaven!!!

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Slammin’ Sam and Pottz are comparing Lighthouse Beach in Tazzie to a section of J-Bay… Tazzie world champ in 2020, Sam? Ya’ reckon’?

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Mike,
Maybe the other editors could take a lesson from the guy editing the webcast in Tazzie. He cut to the action in the water while Pottz was interviewing Davo! Progress! Whooohoooo! Davo through to the semis! Pottz says he’s the Ozzie version of a Tasmanian Devil. Whooooohooo, again!

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@D.M.

You think Martin and Lamiroy would enjoy me dropping by their webcast for a chat? I probably better steer clear, as you Cote and Condor are the only ones who seem to have fun with it.

Somehow, I don’t think Peter Bowes would.

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

& Pottz hates me for sure.

Am I the second most hated man in surfing?

27 03 2010
peterbowes

why enoch, wasn’t that you who dropped by k’baa last night all undone and exposed?

all deleted now of course, you must have clicked on the wrong site –

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Hear that Mike! All the local surfing community pitching in down in Tazzie to make the event happen. Just like in “La Jolla”. Good ol’ ASP stoking out the locals once again!

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Blas,
Sorry to report there is no “Send a message” function on the CWC website. Remote location, not receptive to anything but the most basic internet functions. Be happy there’s a live feed!

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Yes Peter, that was me. I found your site through Nug’s link a while back. I liked some of the articles by Clifton Evers. Evidently, you do not like me… or at the very least, does not know what my ‘deal’ is. And that would make two of us – since I have yet to find out what my ‘deal’ is either.

At the moment, I would guess that my deal seems to be temporarily carrying out a short-term sentence in the septic wasteland of Southern California while surfing in South LA, Ventura and SB Counties; inebriation; blowing off steam here at Nugable; and tickling ‘tards who take themselves extremely seriously.

Not being a professional surfer or connected in any way to corporate web of poppycockery that pulls the strings in the world of surfing, grants me more latitude than most who are bound by the ‘rules’.

So yeah, being a professional asshole who has a mind that only allows a scant three hours of sleep per evening has its blessings and curses.

I am sorry if you fall into the latter category.

You should see the shit I come up with for my real job. It may not be as flabbergasting as what Mike does, but it would really confound your quest to find my ‘deal.’

Yours in our Laird,

-E.W.

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

And Kurugulabaa.com does sound similar to my favorite website: KangarooBassFarts.com – so don’t blame Nug, it may have been an honest mistake.

I’ll say no more of this matter.

Cheers!

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Classic quote from Pottz: ” The only way I could beat Kelly in a heat was to keep him from catching any waves!”

27 03 2010
peterbowes

I know what your deal is enoch .. that’s real easy to figure

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Thank you Peter for having the wherewithal to understand my plight. And also for the rhetorical question earlier.

And I am heartened that you extinguished my comments there. Between you and me, they were pretty much the most outrageous comments ever left on a surfing blog. I mean, I have written a lot of things here and over at ye olde PostSurf in the commentary sections, but those words were without question, the most crass, ridiculous, cunning, devious, shocking, and earth-shaking things ever typed by this humble scribe. I was ashamed the moment I pressed ‘Submit’.

It was for the betterment of mankind that they never saw the light of day.

Believe me, I read the other comments in the two threads I participated in – and goodness grief, did you ever save me some major embarrassment. The comments threads on surfing blogs certainly need to be taken waaaay more seriously.

I appreciate that you are doing The Laird’s work, Peter. And much like my recent abdication from commenting at Pontiff Jed Smith’s ‘Stab Mag’ under extremely well thought-out pseudonyms, I shalt not visit your pious website anymore out of respect for the momentous work that is being done there.

May you return to working the miracles of Kugarbuyaa.com to their utmost.

Consider yourself free from my wee wee ever being placed in your toaster. Ooops, I didn’t mean to give away the contents of the comments I alluded to in my second paragraph.

I apologize.

27 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Enoch Ward has no clothes!

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

When one is constantly tangling one’s own weiner in the spokes of their cruiser as they coast along the boardwalk, it behoves that one to take up nudism.

Alas, it is a burden I must carry.

Please pray for me.

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

It also behooves one to hire a spelling Nazi to back check one’s comments.

Cockfuckery!

Is Mick Fanning hiring?

27 03 2010
peterbowes

thanks enoch, always good to know that a bloke knows which can to shit in ..

27 03 2010
Peter Perfect

@enough ward ‘behoves’? I’m wondering exactly when was the last time you saw your dweinerog.
I’m thinking of that wonderful era in Paris at the turn of the 20th century. What a splendid time that was.
You, sir are like a guy from the olden times who lands in modern times and people think he’s wacky. That would make a good film.

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

‘Behoves’ was my ode to irony… wait, that was Perkus Tooth’s excuse.

27 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Irony? We’ll have none of that rubbish served here, sir. The audience has been declared free of this menace. Castor oil and liberal rubbing of the glands has all but eradicated this beastly occurrence.

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Somehow, I think Mike is behind all of this…

Bastard!

27 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Mike, Mark, whatever, just a couple of whiners from OyVeySurf.

27 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Not that there is anything wrong with Jews who surf. Tel Aviv is surf city.

27 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I am heading to GoDaddy right now to copyright OyVeySurf…

Lol.

27 03 2010
The Nug

27 03 2010
Mike

Hey Marky, will you be my publicist? You always know what to write.

Davey Maleman…. Now I understand you…. alone in another time zone with no tv ( socialist third world nation france) and nothing to do but comment. Got me through the evening myself, but offshore switch today has me crusty and salty…. just like a toasted breakfast sandwich.

Could probably blame the empty, dark sky for my drinking, but you all would know better. I’ll always find an excuse.

Oh, and there’s more green around here than the hillsides…. fuckin sick. Glad I told the wife I was quitting before I left.

Get on a plane Enoch.

27 03 2010
Mike

I find that video totally offensive Nug.

Tel Aviv has rad surf chicks and some fun peaks. Weird jetty setups, but I got wet everyday on a family vacation.

Sincerely,
PC sheep

27 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Ahhh, its so much fresher around here now that Gollum has fallen into the Cracks of Doom. Kind of apt, that one.

Other than that, I can only say that

in the will floats the universe

and in the universe floats the will

gnight lads

27 03 2010
mark

i miss the lantern.

27 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Enoch Ward fancies himself some publicity! How surprising.

In other news, that great big yellow hot thing rose in the east again, and the Bagel’s as stale as ever.

Predictions for Bells: A Gudauskas will surprise, a goofy-footer will do better than expected, Jane Smeynolds (see?) will remain spectacularly average, and Kekoa Bacalso will surf inebriated at least twice.

Oh, and Andy Irons will ring the bell. Count on it.

28 03 2010
Skud

Andy will not ring the bell. why? he hates cold water and crappy waves, plus this year is Andy’s last gasp, his death rattle, at best. my guess is he’ll do the whole tour simply for the sake of not looking like a complete douche for taking somebody else’s wildcard slot. he’ll go down early at Bells and completely lose interest in Brazil. if J-Bay and Tahiti go apeshit than it might kick his ass into gear, which is a possibility considering Tahiti’s early-season opening day and what looks to be an active swell season for the underworld. his only other hope for breaching the top 10 is that the deal-with-the-devil type luck of The Search delivers some serious juice to the Caribbean before heading to Pipe. forecasters are predicting an “extremely active” north atlantic hurricane season on the heels of the pacific El Niño, so i guess anything is possible.

Though i’ve got him on my fantasy surfer team for Bells, go figure…

28 03 2010
sheapeace

Found this on lostenterprises.com and thought I’d do a little cut and paste for everyone at Nugable to read. Ryan Divel has been an influence(positive and negative)in my life since I was just a tadpole in the Lowers line-up. Divel and the rest of the crew at …Lost taught me to always see a person for their “true colors”- then,and only then, would you form your own opinion on said person. His comment at the end, “people should be hated because they’re stupid ,and do stupid things”, is a beauty.

Words by Ryan Divel
As many and most of the surf community has heard by now, world surfing champion Mick Fanning has got himself into a bit of a pickle. He was quoted making some comments at his sponsors (Rip Curl) team house that were anti-semitic and closely rivaling that of Mel Gibson from his well documented tirade. Most everyone that knows Mick will tell you what a great guy he is, I’ve personally drank a pint or two with him, so this entire situation is shocking for all parties involved.. Not to mention what a publicity nightmare this brings for Rip Curl. We all have been with a friend when they rattle off comments we take for jibberish,(usually fueled by alcohol), but the stakes become higher when you’re the World Champ, and the recipient is a journalist. Mind you I don’t want to give the impression this is “ok” or justified, I feel Mick screwed up. Bad. But rather than be the master of the obvious, I wanted to write a few words before posting words by Charlie Smith and Mick himself. Take both for what you will, but understand true hate for a person based on their religion, color, sex or just about any classification besides their actions is wrong. People should be hated because they’re stupid, and do stupid things.

29 03 2010
Light MY FARTS

“Some people are tools and some people are tool sheds”..

28 03 2010
Viking Leech

Fuck pro surfing.

28 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

“People should be hated because they’re stupid, and do stupid things.”

So then I I should hate Perkus Tooth? Seems kind of harsh….

28 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I’m with Viking Leech. Fuck Pro Surfing.

Amateur surfing is where it’s at. I saw one of the local amateur’s at my favorite bilge break, and he recently pulled of two floaters in a row and finished with a chop-hop. And he never even fell off!!!!!

!!!!

His stoke alone was unreal. His claim and hoot didn’t even scare off the guys who were in the process of slashing his tires about two blocks off the beach.

Amateur surfing is where it’s at boys.

28 03 2010
Rapture

Life is harsh

Pro surfing is a nice distraction from life

28 03 2010
Bondi sucks

I’m so bored I’m watching the webcast of the Bells press conference. Ha. At least the webcast is looking like it’s working

28 03 2010
Grote Turkeylips. The Elder

@bondi sucks,

So when you say their webcast is working, you must mean that the cameras panned away to a wall when the surfers were speaking, correct? You know, getting tuned up for the contest and all…

28 03 2010
Bondi sucks

I mean I clicked on ‘live’ and a webcast started. I didn’t have to download anything or hunt around for some random link to an alternate site.
But yes you’re right a camera panned to a wall of the surfers looking bored and being asked the same questions as every comp. Before that there was a camera on the beach at bells. It looked 1ft and unsurfable.

28 03 2010
Grote Turkeylips. The Elder

Did anyone ask Mick if he’d finished Cliff’s Note’s version of ‘Mein Kamf’ yet?

And by ‘Cliff’s Notes’ version, I meant the LikeBitchin archives.

28 03 2010
Bondi sucks

No they asked the media if anyone had any questions and no one had any.
Obviously Stab and Nug weren’t there.

28 03 2010
shea-brite

@bondi sucks
Those press conferences are so contrived you could just enter a different sponsor and/or date and replay anyone of them from the last 10 years. “I’m so excited to be here”, “I have some great boards”, ‘everyone is surfing so good”. Those are a couple of my favorites. Did you hear any good ones today?

28 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@shea-brite

In your experience, has any member of the ‘surf media’ ever offered to physically just suck your cock at one of these press-conferences? I mean, the only difference between that, and what normally takes places is some slight mussing of your boardies.

Those press conferences are like a chain-gang cock-suckathon… without the moneyshot. Such a tease.

Must be why PeterPerfect has them all recorded and logged in Dewey Decimal format in his basement.

28 03 2010
trauzersnake

Viking Leech @ 17:31=comment of the week.

@Ponto Pete, arhh, Mark…Didn’t I say you were my favorite dude on this site a couple of posts ago? WTF??

28 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Enoch Ward, even a sap like should have figured out by now that labeling these knob-slobbering suckups ‘surf media’ is like calling Marine Layer Productions ‘art’.

Apologies in advance to Nug for slighting one of his Blogroll. An old camera and some alternative-retro Quiksilver gear does not an artist make.

28 03 2010
Bondi sucks

@shea-brite

Yeah there was more then a few. “Bells just has so much history”. No one dropped the good old “No kook has ever won bells” unfortunately.

Andy had a little dig when he said he was lucky all his bells heats “have been at the bowl and not at Rincon, thank god”

28 03 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

Fuck A.I.! Alan Iverson cant fucking surf! I shoot my Victoria Plane Wrap EX at his ankles, watch him fall down. NOW TRY TO PLAY HOOPS A.I. BETCHYOU WISH YOU DIDN’T TRY PRO SURFING!!!!

TOO FUCKIN YOKED!!!!!

28 03 2010
Mike

Andy has no shot at Bells, quit dreaming. Slow and pudgy describes both he and the wave and that adds up to…. not who you guys remember him as. He never was that light on his feet, even in his time…tick, tick ,tick.

Hey Shea, Mick’s thread was exhausted…. in industry parlance…. let the dead dog lie. Besides, criticizing in any way, shape or form someone who surfs better than you is the best way to keep from getting a magazine job. Seriously, what other sport treats their elite athlete’s like babies packed in flour sacks? These “idols” have been so carefully manipulated that the subjects are insulated from any honesty. Or scrutiny. Mick is just the latest.

29 03 2010
sheagosurfnow

AI’s time in OZ has treated him well. You’ll see much quicker, lighter surfing from him at Bells.

‘Seriously, what other sport treats their elite athlete’s like babies packed in flour sacks?’, very true Mike

“no kook has ever won bells”, That statement totally validates the quality of the wave.

and Mick is gonna grunt his way to victory at Bells.
I’ll take Mark’s Mom on a date if he doesn’t

28 03 2010
mark

@trauzersnake

ponto pete is mike.

if you weren’t dealing with a sick parent i would make a comment along the lines of ” looks like you are more gifted in the cock department than the brains department”.

but since you are dealing with a sick parent i wont say something that inconsiderate.

28 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Perkus Tooth

Wow.

Just… wow.

Calling me a sap whilst predicting A.I. as Bells Champ in two separate comments.

You sir, have nailed the definition of irony in more ways than Mick Fanning’s Lutfballoon knot.

Bravo, ol’ chap.

Bravo!!!

28 03 2010
mark

@mike

i last surfed ponto in 2004. i prefer reefs.

and i no longer sell cars. quit my job yesterday. will be here 5 more months until my dog eddies quarrantine bloodwork comes back and after that i am double live gonzo.

life is short and i plan on ringing that opening day north swell bell at laniakea in early september.

have a nice life mike.

28 03 2010
Mike

My bad form Trauzer, lost both my parents last year, hope your situation goes much better dude.

Mark, why are you such a ping pong…. back and forth, flip flop, republican? Hang in there buddy and make the best decision for your family and you and it will all turn out well. Taking a risk and realizing a better opportunity is called growth and you’ll come away much stronger, with more conviction for the right path. Aloha. And yes, I too look forward to next winter.

No one to kid around with anymore… Enoch, you asleep?

28 03 2010
The Nug

I almost got ran over by a porpoise today. It was surreal. I named her Mark’s Mom.

28 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Mark: Laniakea? Well, that’s your prerogative, but I’ll be at Mokes if you wanna see some REAL HEAVY RIPPIN’.

Just kidding. But seriously, you should drop by.

Also Enoch Ward&Fanclub, Andy Irons will win. Sure as the Pope’s brother molests deaf children, he will. I’ll iron Tim Gunn’s wardrobe wearing a French Maid outfit if he doesn’t.

28 03 2010
Mike

Perkus are you short of memory? Last time someone claimed a victory pre contest with a condition, someone was licking Ruben Stoddards asshole. Lucky for Tim Gunn cause Andy has no chance. Better shave your legs….

Porpoise Nug? Try waking up to pee in the night and having the house door blocked by a herd of cattle grazing. Talk about collateral damage….. them fucks leave a mess after they’ve been chowing. Someday I’ll tell you about castrating the bulls, oh fuck. Sometime a free place to stay isn’t necessarily free and I could’ve been stampeded when that rubber band was secured. Brutal.

28 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Perkus,

That comment was more homosexual than Chas Smith eating an unbaked tapeworm from Derek Reilly’s colon.

28 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Nug,

The bottle knows.

Or, the bottlenose.

I see what you did there.

28 03 2010
Mike

@Enoch….
Chas and Derek? Did you see the YOu tube clip or were you filming?

28 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

I did. But it was fairly tame when weighing it against the footage of Perkus Tooth spanking his wee little gristle whilst he’s intoxicated on A.I. circa ’02-’04 without making any comprehensive comparison to this… thing… we now refer to as AI that is now ‘competing’.

My solemn hope, as I swore before the Snapper contest, is that AI does not embarrass himself enough to tarnish a once great legacy.

Snapper did nothing to help.

Bells, on paper, offers no such redemption.

Andy: please calmly walk away from the gleaming door knob, and retire to your immaculate wife and all that affords a once-upon-a-time dominant king. I will be sending you recording devices shortly (if you promise to focus on Lyndie).

The winner at Bells will be Bede.

So fuck you, and all the corporations that you love.

28 03 2010
ed

I fucking scored last night haha

suckers

28 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@ed,

We’ve all been there and done that. Just remember, the inflation hole is behind her left ear and you don’t need a generator if you can muster the lung capacity.

Good on ya, mate.

29 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Just one question.

Will Occy vs. Curren be the most highly anticipated heat of the contest, like last year in J-Bay?

I would have to say, yes.

29 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

@ nug … you’re fucking with me right? RIGHT!? what you wrote about jordy? punts like spring fucken rainbows !?!?!? cheese and crackers me son, that is right out of the chas smith textbook of “how to write the lamest shit ever while trying be tres cool by thinking i’m fucking with peoples heads when i actually come off as a complete moron ( execept to his editor at ‘ing who is also a complete moron for running it and is just as clueless ) and don’t even know it…”, first chapter, third paragraph. you miss that one or something? to paraphrase joaquin phoenix, the anti-semite mel gibsons younger brother in signs– there are alot of things i can take and some things i can’t. but what i can’t take is when the nug, starts writing like chas fucken smith. i don’t ever want to see you write like that again . sweet jesus please. or did i miss the joke?

29 03 2010
Irrelevance

Divel in the World we live.

late but I also agree Fuck Pro Surfing and its industry.

29 03 2010
Rock bottom

….is when the boyz from lost… are giving you life advice….

29 03 2010
Sam Walton

I was over at the Wal Mart website and saw this. I have been buying stuff from Walmart since I was a tadpole in a cespool. His store has provided me with every action figure I have ever wanted. The store has taught me everything I need to know about life in America.

You must advertise in places your are not welcome and always see items as a profit.

” BUY LOW , SELL HIGH”. Sam Walton.

29 03 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

Fucking convicts. This thought goes through my mind all the time now. Well, that and fucking neo-nazi, racists convicts. You know what I mean. It’s fair to say this trip to Oz has been memorable so far.
After a week of Sydney clubbing, copious amounts of pepsi and pills, the comedown is hard. My shaking hands can barely light my herbal cigarette. The Red Bull is not helping. The women at the car rental place recognise me as the ‘Jew’ who is out to wreck the great white dope’s career. No-one has recognised the irony that Eugene is often a Jewish name and means ‘noble’. Fucking convicts. They want to throw the Chas down the well. Hell’s Bell’s.

Of course, after the fat, mars bar munching tarts recognise me, my BMW is no longer available. I’m driving to Victoria in a Hyundai Getz. 2008 model. It’s not even a convertible. I plug in my iPod and put the new Tomorrows Tulips on blast to lift my spirits. Alex Knost’s new band is like the Velvet Underground and I want to be its Edie Sedgwick.

This time I’m driving alone. Cheryl, the hot blonde part-time model and hostess for motor-shows and plastics conventions, visibly shuddered as I pulled up at her place in Penrith (ironically Eugene’s place of afterbirth) in the Hyundai. She made a feeble excuse about missing Australian Idol and ran back into the house. Ironically, the front yard of her house was home to three Holden Gemini’s up on blocks. She said something about Jap motors. Ironically, that was Alex Knost’s old band.

Torquay is about as glamorous as Dane Reynold’s girlfriend and yet not half as interesting. It’s fucking freezing and these yobbos drink beer wearing shorts and ‘thongs’. On their feet. Fucking convicts.

I arrive at the press conference late. I see Andy Iron’s fat brother answering questions. Except he doesn’t have a fat brother, just a fucking crazy one who wants to be JO’B when he grows up. Not likely. The conference is the same old shit. Love Bells, love to ring the bell. Hell’s Bells. Esteemed company. Bored shitless. Crap waves. Except they don’t say those last two while the microphones are on. Nor do they mention Winkipop. We all know that it’s because they can’t get a good camera angle that they don’t run it there. So they make the contest about Easter (of no importance to the long-suffering Jews) and crap music that Oz bands play. Pub rock. Schlock. Hell’s Bell’s.

Later I see Andy and he vaguely recognises me. We’ve met 17 times. Once he does join the dots, he asks me if I ‘have some’. He makes a strange gesture with two of his fat fingers. I pretend I don’t know what he’s talking about. He mumbles something about trying to figure out whether to wear a 3mm or 4mm wetsuit and I wonder whether there is enough neoprene in Torquay to cover him, Freddy and the other fat Islander whose name I can never remember. Pow. Zap. Bam. Andy goes back to eating the four litre container of Pauls chocolate ice cream with a soup ladle. Lindy whispers that she’s sprinkled diuretics over the ice cream. This appears to be his lunch. And his training regime.

Later I see Kelly at the supermarket. He just nods. Taj’s trainer is there too, buying fresh fruit, pasta, vegetables, protein powder, eggs and low-carb beer. Taj looks far more interested in Kelly’s girlfriend, who he’s mistaken for a high school student, than any broccoli. Without averting his eyes from her he says “I’m hungry”. Kelly stares at Taj, but the steely Kelly stare barely fazes Taj. Taj has the eye of the tiger but a look that says he wants to stroke a kitten. He says, “I want to stroke a kitten”. Taj’s trainer makes a frantic phone call. I now have an erection. Any of the above things could have triggered it. I stand with frozen peas in front of my skinny jeans. They melt.

Out in the supermarket carpark, I hear the Velvet Underground playing through trebly speakers. There is a Kombi van parked there with a rainbow painted down one side. A half-empty case of VB is on the ground. On the front of the Kombi someone has drawn the Quiksilver logo and written ‘marketing sucks, man’ underneath it. A Frisbee flies past my floppy fringe. Dane Reynolds giggles. A dog sniffs my crotch. My nemesis pulls up in a supercharged white Ford Falcon. It’s a 2010 model. The unmistakable sound of the bells at the beginning of AC/DC’s Hell’s Bell’s booms from the speakers of Eugene’s steed.

I long for home.

29 03 2010
Lennon, Stern, Einstein

Fucking Genius.

29 03 2010
trauzersnake

Mike-

sadly, i did not. Mom passed on saturday. Thanks for the kind words, bro, seriously. (you too Mark-thanks)

Chris

29 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I normally don’t take anything very seriously when commenting on a surfing blog, but dammit Trauzer, you done tugged at me blackened heart strings.

I wish you and your family the best in spite of your loss. You, unlike most poor schmucks in this world, at least have surfing to ease your troubled mind.

I look forward to your comments here when you are feeling up to it again.

Chin up, lad!

29 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Fake Charlie Smith scores a perfect 10 from this judge.

29 03 2010
Elwood

Trauzer…

sorry to hear about your loss…. hope we can cheer you up over here.

Looking forward to when you cum back in full force.

29 03 2010
mark

sorry chris.

29 03 2010
trauzersnake

@EW, Elwood, Mark-thanks a million boys. Definetly hope to at least surf pretty soon.

29 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

My condolences as well, amigo.

29 03 2010
Peter Perfect

@trauzersnake, condolences. Going for a surf at the next available convenient opportunity will do you the world of good, old chap.

29 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

For maybe the first time ever, we all agree on something. Trauz, you are a solid snake and this sandwich wishes you much strength and peace.

29 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Hey Trauzer Chris,

I lost my dad a few years back. It sucks. I know how you’re feeling and hope you work through it. I know it sounds cliché, especially right now, but life does go on. A few words of advice to help you through this difficult time: Go surfing. No matter how shitty the waves are, they will give you a morale boost.

All the best,

Dave

29 03 2010
Peter Wadsworth Longfellow

There is no god. Perhaps not even a Laird.

Proof?

Trauzer has lost his mother, while The Lantern, presumably, is still breathing.

Bollocks.

29 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

A ‘solid snake’? Perhaps the Bagel can redeem himself. Well put.

29 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Really @Perkus Tooth? Perhaps the bagel can fucking do one post without being self-referential. It’s as lame as the languorous light bulb is dull.

Argh, just did it. Fell for the trap.

29 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

I can appreciate a one-trick pony’s ability to live up to its name. Perhaps your expectations are too high. A bagel by any other name…

29 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Still have yet to hear from Mark. How about it, Marky-boy; slightly longer drive, less crowds, and a 100% guarantee your car will get broken into while you’re in the water? Hard to say no to that methinks.

29 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Anyone know what the swell outlook is for Bells?

I need to know whether or not to call in my prescription for Ambien.

29 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Ah Peter, if my hallmark is breakfast references, your is a total lack of entertainment value. Or humor. Dude is going through a rough time and you are worried about food jokes.

Check my last 10 or so comments. Very little (f any) self-reference will you find. Or would find, if you could process information, or think critically, through your irrational and crippling hatred of a savory morning meal option.

29 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Ambien is your friend, my friend. Seriously, they’re better off holding this contest at Phillip Island (controversial, but it has a bike GP!) or relocate to the open beaches. No ‘significant’ swell at least until the weekend. Boring. But Johanna can be pumping at 3-4 ft while Bells is a high tide lagoon.

29 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Can someone stick the dummy back in the Jamon’s mouth? And by dummy I mean Jordy Smith’s chorizo.

29 03 2010
Enoch Ward

My wife is constantly complaining about my drinking problem. Yet, I’ve told her over and over again, that I just drink to calm my mind enough to allow me a few hours of sleep at night. She tells me to just take Ambien – which I do occasionally partake in. Except that Ambien usually knocks me out for far too long.

Today, I gave her the glorious news that the Rip Curl Bells contest is about to start.

First thing she says is, “Hallelujah! No more drinking or pills for a few days. You’ll be lulled to sleep in no time.”

Maybe I should just “go green” like our friend Mike.

29 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I once watched a slug struggle to swim through a pool of molasses.

Which is another way of saying the ladies are surfing Bells today.

29 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Well at least it’s offshore. Bells bowl doesn’t even break at this size, which will suit the women. And Adriano.

29 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Predictable, and even kind of funny from a sort of a third-grade perspective. Apart from that, you, Mr. Perfect, are your own version of Ambien.

But thank you for the insight into your own preferred spicy breakfast option. Things are starting to make a bit more sense now.

29 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Awe c’mon Jamon.

Just because you are being criticized by PeterPerfect, who is gayer than the colored pubes that make up Hulk Hogan’s mustache, doesn’t mean you have to take them personally.

Take me for example. When Peter Bowes expressed his disdain for me a few days ago, did I over-react and counter with a poorly written diatribe containing too many words and not enough substance?

Well… did I??

Wait.

I just did the math. Don’t answer that.

29 03 2010
Peter Perfect

With all due respect Enoch, Paul Bowles was a respected author. Besides, I love Morocco, even its most obnoxious outpost of Tangier. What? Who? Peter Bowes? Who the fuck is that?

Jamon Bagel, you are dead to me.

29 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Agreed, Peter.

And we can all agree that Perkus Tooth is gayer than a blog update on Ricky Martin’s website.

Yeah… who knew Ricky was gay?

Didn’t see that one coming.

29 03 2010
Peter Perfect

I have no idea who Perkus Tooth is, but good luck with that.
Ricky Martin jokes? Seriously, get a new gag writer.
And an enema.

29 03 2010
EW Done Screwed Up

@Nug,

My bad. I thought Coco was 19?

She was born in 1991 according to the ASP website. Anyways, point taken. No more borderline jokes.

*bows head and walks away*

29 03 2010
mark

@perkus tooth

surfed all over mokuleia countless times. can’t complain about gettin barreled beneath the awesome spectacle of mt. kaala with only yourself and a friend or two.

i’m just sayin that when it is a solid 8 to 10 foot out of the northeast in early fall there isnt a wave in the state that matches the speed, power, length and hollow perfection of laniakea.

29 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Ah, that is great news Peter. Thank you. And thank you for the honor of quoting me as you turn your spiny backside and scurry into the underbrush.

@Mark…, you said the whole state….are you claiming better than H-Bay? Just curious.

29 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

EW, point taken. At least that gave us the opportunity to learn more about your rather anemic sleeping habits.

In a matter than may or may not be related, tonight I learned that when you run out of tonic you can go ahead and mix your gin with root beer. It is not nearly as bad as you might think.

29 03 2010
mark

best waves in hawaii:

#1 10 foot west-northwest swell pipeline with 20 mph east to southeast trades

#2 8 to 10 foot northwest swell honolua bay with HOWLING 25 mph trades

#3 10 foot northeast swell laniakea with suoer light south winds

#4 that place on kauai that i can’t mention ( o.k. kalihiwai fuckin everyone knows anyway besides you wont catch one )

#5 sunset beach on a 10 foot northish northwest with really light east-southeast trades.

29 03 2010
Mike

@Trauzer…. can’t remember who told you to paddle out, but your routine will save your sanity. Take care of your surfing and your surfing will take care of you. Yeah, I poached that gem, but it still rings true. I had to be strong for my sisters and had a delayed mourning deal, better to get it over with and be the Chris your mom loved so much.

@Enoch…. despite the snippy breakfast sandwiches insinuations, I too have the bad habit of drinking at night. Sleep like a baby for 6 hours and then the mind works overtime. Not healthy, but ambien is a corporate evil. Too many Americans are hooked on mood drugs and Phizer laughs at it’s sheep.

As for the green, it sure makes 5 beers feel like 7. Never before the morning surf or any business meeting…. but you can write like Tolstoy under it’s spell. You WiLL need an editor the next morning!

@PeterP…. You’re so right about Johanna, saved one of my trips to Bells. Considering that they ditched Sunset without any drama, why such the tit suckling with Bells? I’m well aware that Rip Curl is located in Torquay, but in my perfect CT world, the Bells festival ( and that’s the important part) would be better served with a 6 star QS. Sorry Dave M, there I go again making sense.

Wow, I never knew Mark was from Hawaii??!!!???? How did that slip by me? I think I mentioned Kalihiwai to him once and he got so scared he shat himself. Well brother Marky Mark ( because of your new 6 pack abs), you mentioned the obvious draws, but missed the gems in your Hi analysis. Shall I? Not my style big boy. And the boys won’t recognize you on a shortboard… yeah Mark!

Hang in there Chris and go get wet.

29 03 2010
Ponto Pete

@ Mark… what are your top 5 spots in San Diego? Please don’t include my spot… even though we both know it’s the bombiest of the bombs. We’ll miss seeing you in the lineup at Beacons, Cbad and of course Pete’s land.

And that set wave you got yesterday at San O was insane.

Signed Mark’s groupie Ponto Pete…. errrrrr dual personality.

I quit.

29 03 2010
Master of the Obvious

Because of my extensive knowledge of Hawaii, here are my top 5 breaks in Hawaii….

1. Pipeline
2. Sunset
3. Lani’s
4. Honolua
5. Tunnels… there, I said it, but don’t even try it or you will get eaten by a tiger shark or fucked by a Taylor Camp Hippy. Don’t know which is worse.

30 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

dump trucks section or tunnels proper ?

29 03 2010
mark

oh yeah and 8 fuckin foot ala mo on a south southwest swell at dead low tide with 10 mph north winds and “rock and roll hoochie koo” by rick derringer blasting on the car stereo as you pull into the lot at 4:45 am blowing huge fragrant herbal smoke rings out the window and slamming your head on the dashboard.

29 03 2010
mark

@Ponto Pete

Horseshoe, D.M.J.’s, Swami’s, Blacks and NewBreak.

29 03 2010
PeterPerfect's Shaft

My favorite spot in Hawaii is taking it in my Gas Chamber with a Log Cabin while leaning Off-The-Wall as Pupukea shoots Avalanches into my Pipeline.

But that’s just me. I am, after all, a Backdoor specialist.

29 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Obviously none of you fools have ever ventured to the Big Island.

Good. We like it that way. Also, Pipeline may well be the best wave on the planet; that said, your chances of getting a quality wave on a good day are less than that of Enoch Ward finally achieving his fantasy three-way with Barbara Streisand and Luciano Pavarotti.

29 03 2010
Bondi sucks
29 03 2010
PeterPerfect's Shaft

@Perkus Tooth,

**sounds of jubilation**

Congrats on your invite to the Pipe Master’s this year. Yeeew!!

It is now obvious that you can count to eleven…

Lol!!

29 03 2010
PeterPerfect's Shaft

@Bondi Sucks,

That video is classic. A.I. Looks ready to roll. I’ve never seen floaters and OTL Reo’s that sharp. Remind me to never stack a new board anywhere near his quiver. And by quiver, I mean quivering hands.

Perkus better be preparing his bib and appetite.

That shit-sandwich is going to be messy.

30 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Mike,
Funny you mention turning that one into a 6 star. A conversation that I’ve had with BJ many times. He just rolls his eyes and lets out a laugh. Every time. Great idea in a perfect world. In the one we live in, it’ll never happen…

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Mike, yep about Bells. Just like main break Margaret River is the worst spot to surf on a good day along that whole stretch of WA, it has the best vantage point and carpark!

30 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Peterperfect’s Shaft 23:08…

Lewiblashphenoch, you do know how to put words together.

LMBUSTASUBEFTC (laughing my breakfast up slapping the table and spitting up bold ethiopian fair trade coffee)

30 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Peter…

…and that was not at all personal. I am guessing you laughed as hard as I did.

That said, I am willing to start fresh. Fresh like a…hmmm….something nicely toasted…. Let me think about it.

30 03 2010
mark

@perkus tooth

i lived on the big island for a year. met my wife there.

not talkin about the surf however.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

One thing I’ll say about Ai’s comeback, is at least he’s aware that he’s not surfing great. Still better than Roy Powers.
Speaking of which, I have no fucking idea how Roy Powers ended up on the tour. I’m sure you flag-waving baby killers will have an idea but I believe it may involve lube. And PeterPerfect’s Shaft.

30 03 2010
not real Gabe kling

Roy requalified by ripping me off at Pipe masters. Would of one if wasnt for the Hawaiian judge, aka the juiceman…………

30 03 2010
Mario Van Peebles, Jr.

Someone should step forward and claim the Fake Charlie Smith comment. Mike?

“I stand with frozen peas in front of my skinny jeans. They melt.”

I laughed so hard after reading that, that I tooted into my chair.

30 03 2010
Magnum Q. Meatwhistle

Abortion is a wonderfull thing. Something that Lantern’s mom should have excersized more liberally.

Roy Power’s surfing is not a wonderful thing. His stay on tour will be aborted, thankfully, when they cull the top how-ever-many down to however-many whenever it is that the ASP reportedly will do such a thing.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Nug knows Fake Charlie Smith is me. He’s already outed me. AND NOT THANKED ME FOR TAKING THE FUCKING TIME OUT TO WRITE ANOTHER ONE. Not that I’m bitter. Much. I think I’ll approach Stab. They could use some talent.

BTW, Mike couldn’t write like that if gave him a piece of my mind. Laird knows he could do with some of my mind. Still, he’s smarter than Mark.

30 03 2010
Shamus McRearload

Good work Pedro.

I would thank you for the LOL’s as Enoch Ward, but EW was banished to the dunce stool in the corner, and is not allowed to comment here after yesterday’s fiasco.

So that should cheer you up, mate.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Shamus McRearload, you sir, your alias Enoch Ward, and Blastoma CottonMouth are a disgrace to this site. Everyone here is trying to keep it classy.

PS: Your collective sperm smells like a tannery.

30 03 2010
Jed Smith's Lone Teste

Did someone say classy? And Sperm?

I’m hungry.

And lonely.

30 03 2010
Mike

Wow, I wake up to find seriously inspired comedy comment after comment (minus Mark) including Peter Perfects shaft’s gem.

Then someone suggests that I was somebody’s fake and Perfect Peter gets his panties wet and all jealous and takes a swipe at me… Dude, you PP are the only one gay enough to write that shit as Chas.

It’s not a testament to your intelligence Peter, but to your instincts. Now go cuddle with Matt W and dream of decent Ocean Beach.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Of course you’re lonely, Jed Smith’s Lone Teste, your owner wears a sailor cap and alternates between brave, stupid and racist so often even his mother is afraid to take his calls. When was the last time you really had some form of ‘release’? 2007? A good year. You should be proud.

30 03 2010
The Nug

@Peter Perfect
I outed you? Sorry. But I won’t tell anyone about the 5000 unit run of “Alex Knost is My Homeboy” T-shirts you are making. Frankly, I thought you should have went with “Even Freddie Mercury thinks this shirt is Gay” or “Listen to George Michael.”

If you would have emailed me gold like that I would have just posted it separately.

A direct quote form Chas… “Fake Chas is almost better than the real Chas.”

Thanks to Pedro Perfecto.

But you guys suck….I feel all guilty for not posting anything new yet. Maybe I suck.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Nug, yes, you did out me. ‘Alex Knost is My Homeboy’ is also the name of my new website which I have not registered as yet, so thanks. Why don’t you come over and beat up my girlfriend while you’re at it.

PS: Chas really said that! Links please. I need to masturbate. Slowly. Marine Layer Productions loads too slowly.

PPS: Wot, no Ricky Martin reference? Thank the Laird.

30 03 2010
The Nug

Yes. It was in an email. I have probably already said too much.

30 03 2010
Enoch Ward

“Why don’t you come over and beat up my girlfriend while you’re at it.”

I don’t think Nug wants to beat up his buddy Chas.

30 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Oh shit.

I’m back. I can feel my arms, legs, and penis just fine now. It’s really me.

Hallelujah!

30 03 2010
Bed fellows

When did Rip Curl and Ford become so tight. Noticed that Steph has been rockin FORD for awhile but now their sponsoring the ASP event too.

Why would they sponsor an Australian Female Surfer?

(again??? Wasn’t serena brooke on their team at one time)

30 03 2010
Mike

If Nug beat up Chas( gay bashing), would the police classify that as a hate crime Enoch?

Now if Peter Perfect fought Chas, they’d call that a “cat fight” and charge pay per view.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Nug, hence the ‘fake’ Chas you added, I’m guessing 😉 a bit too close to home?

Enoch Ward,
That’s all you really are, yes? Arms, legs, and penis. All the same length. Of a thalidomide baby.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

@ Mike, only if we’re actually dressed as cats @ the time. With pipe cleaners for whiskers. Oops, Chad just got a boner. Miaw.

30 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Pedro,

I am a grower, as they say.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Oops, I meant Chas, not Chad. Damn you dateline. I’m drunk, it’s 10pm where I am. Or 10am…whatever…

30 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

The REAL Top 5 Breaks in San Diego

5. La Jolla Shores, right out in front of the Marine Room. In July on a windswell.

4. Imperial Beach Pier, after a drenching rainstorm with strong onshores

3. This one is secret. Hint…Petey likes it.

2. OB Middle Jetty. High tide + red tide.

1. Dog Beach (Del Mar), when the lagoon is really flowing.

30 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

PS, Peter if you really are Fake Charlie Smith, I retract my earlier comment about you not being funny.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Ask Nug. He knows. He is all seeing.

30 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Why do these comments threads always dwindle towards the topic of cocks and gayness?

Oh.

Right.

Someone mentioned Charlie Smith.

30 03 2010
Anklyosaurus

Fuck you all. I’m goin’ clubbin.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Great, give my regards to the sea lion pups!

30 03 2010
Anklyosaurus

AHHHHH Hahahahahahahaha! Get it???

30 03 2010
Enoch Ward

By my calculations, if it’s 10pm where PeterPerfect is, then that would place his precise location in the bushes outside Charlie’s favorite bathhouse.

It’s called “Gomorrah’s Puddin’ Playground” for those of you who didn’t already know.

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Gomorrah’s Puddin’ is the name of my website, bitch. Stay off my turf. This your last warning. Charlie Smith knows Europe about as well as well as you know the inside of a vagina.

30 03 2010
mark

I am no fan of Gabe Kling but he got fuckin ROBBED in that Pipe Masters heat with Roy Powers.

Despite my many faults I can truly say that I have always believed in the concept of fairness. Whether it is a pro surfer getting ripped off by a judge or a star athlete getting special treatment in the court system or even Lewis Samuels getting sacked for not being politically correct.

Too much fake, insincere bullshit in this world.

30 03 2010
SmyrnaJeff

Top 5 breaks in Florida:

#1 New Smyrna Beach

#2 Ponce Inlet

30 03 2010
shhhh.......

THOSE ARE GOOD SPOTS BUT TRY TO KEEP EM SECERET.

30 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@SmyrnaJeff

Now THAT was fuckin’ funny.

30 03 2010
Wait for it...

Almost there…

30 03 2010
200!!

You circle-jerking, dinosaur fellatin’ homosexuals!!!

30 03 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

@Mark,

YEAAAHHH BRO! I see where ur coming from. But I always thought the naive view of procedural justice is that it is the poor relation to substantive justice. That is, procedural justice is only justified by its tendency to produce substantive justice. But that can’t be right because we don’t reject the results of the procedure that we know aren’t substantively just. Of course, we don’t want to say that procedural results are all that matter. The interesting question is how substantive and procedural justice are related: is it true, as Plato says, that a society with perfect procedural justice will be perfectly just substantively?

MY FUCKING BRAIN IS YOKED TOO!!! GWAAAAAAAAH!

30 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Lay-day @ Bells. Even when they run the contest it still feels like a lay-day. Why is that? I’m outta here. See y’all tomorrow.

30 03 2010
SmyrnaJeff

i wonder what that fuckin queer mike is doin right now?

probably doin the huntington hop at some shithouse burger in new zealand. if mike had balls he would travel to a real wave in indo and get pitted instead of smokin an ounce of pot a week at some leftist commune on the north island.

30 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Sweet dreams Pedro. Put your finger in your girlfriend’s mudhorn for me before she falls asleep, m’kay?

KTHXBYE.

30 03 2010
SmyrnaJeff

gorkin surfed in an air show contest at piha a few years back.

said the waves sucked and the chicks all had hairy pits and didn’t know how to skull like a good ole gal from central fla.

30 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Fake Chas Smith rules. And I’m sleeping on the couch tonight. Go figure?!? Sweet dry dreams boys! Hopefully she forgives me tomorrow. Nighty night everyone!

30 03 2010
Mike

WE warned you mailman….. Oh, but she’s argentine and will be a sex kitten for life (?). Now you’re sleeping on the couch, next you’ll be relegated to the garage ( which you’ll turn into the only part of the house that your buddies are welcomed in). Fair warning my friend. The game changes.

Marky Marky Mark, nice stab at Florida, bet your alter ego SJ is pissed. I guess I am not a real man because I didn’t take the trip that your longboard prevents you from taking.

Yoked Skimboarder…. dude, your “intelligent” comment was a mess because you don’t know how to use the vocabulary you lifted and the ideological “direction” that inspired the mess escaped your steroid crusted yoke.

Peter Perfect, if Chas got a boner why is he a bottom? I let you boys sort that out.

It’s fascinating that when a post gets too played out, the infighting begins…. a cyber “Lord of the Flies”, if you will. Maybe that’s it, Nug is doing is psychological dissertation on the sociological impact of being bored.

Wonder if that’s procedural or substantive?

30 03 2010
anonymous

top 5 aliases on nugable

#1 bone and raized

#2 yoked skimboarder

#3 things that make you go hmmmmm

#4 mario van peebles jr.

#5 kampion, hynd, warshaw and hawk

30 03 2010
nevermore

Sean Davey yeah, Bells sucks big hairy sweaty balls. Always has.

30 03 2010
Antonio Cromartie

Time to Paaaaty!

The Jets payed of my bitches and now the goveament is gonna pay for all my kids health insurance.

30 03 2010
Dave Maleman

Top 5 aliases on Nugable…..

Jamon Bagle
Enoch Ward
Mark’s Dog Eddie
Voice of Reality
Trauzersnake

Got a blister on me bum from a rusty spring in me couch, the little lady has banished me from the bedroom, but I’m making do. Cheers.

30 03 2010
Gorge Bush

“Tonight I would like to inform the American public that we have a terrorist in our midst. Intel has provided me with a profile of the treasonous evil doer and I authorize a full on assault against the perpetrator of heinous acts against the state of Goldman Sachs…. eeerrrr the United States.”

“This enemy combatant is posing as a car salesman, but do not engage with the perp. Call you local authority if you see a large man surfing a longboard at any soft, easy break between Solana and San O’nofre. He may have infiltrated some church in that area and claims to be my biggest fan, although we know how devious his alias’ can be. Also, he claims to be a Hawaiian local and loves to talk about himself. It’s in the best interest of all concerned if we can apprehend this terrorist before he unleashes terror.”

“My generals tell me that if we round up everyone fitting that description, we can take our time vetting the prisoners who won’t be allowed Miranda rights or due process in this time of my wars”

“I am Gorge Bush and I approve this message”

30 03 2010
Louis Samules

I find it interesting that Nugable has stolen the audience that I do not recognize from my much more entertaining blog that I abandoned last year. Not that I read any of the comments from my genius posts that I graciously offered the morons as a privilege.

30 03 2010
Mick Fannings taint

” Ah christ Peter Perfect, wait your turn mate…. Chas is busy licking me nethers into a froth. Me secret weapon, the pre heat rim job by me fans”

“Fuck off Eugene”, Peter P tells Mick, “I’m not here to lick your ass, I’m here to suck your cock”

“Aw right mate, carry on then”.

30 03 2010
Enoch's keyboard

Help! Someone please, Blasphemy has gone to work and I’m stuck in this dungeon full of deviance. I’m covered in drying liquids and sticky residues and I’m suffocating. His family won’t come down here and the door is locked. For humanities sake, Help!

30 03 2010
mark

i would wager mike has, MINIMUM, 13 beers in him right now.

30 03 2010
PeterPerfect's Shaft

Mike is on a roll tonight.

30 03 2010
Norm Turner

Good day San Diego. As you know, we allowed our only cover corner to leave town and replaced him with a piece of burnt toast (Nathan Vasher). I believe this valuable addition to our secondary will improve the pass rush we haven’t generated in some time.

Additionally, although we allowed Michael Turner to depart last year, we believe Darren Sproles is an every down back. As head coach of your beloved Chargers, I promise to bring the excellence I brought to the Raiders for this fine city.

30 03 2010
Voice of Reality

Mike drinks Coors light ( hypocrisy of a liberal) and that Lions Red shit is like 5%…. 13 beers would kill him.

And anyone who knows Mike knows he won’t drink until sundown which is another 6 hours. Poor fuck, he’ll run out of weed by this afternoon and then return to his political websites as his mood worsens.

All because the wind turned onshore for one day, the tragedy of drug (wave) addiction.

30 03 2010
charger fan

It’s NORV Turner you dumb ass.

You would think someone spending a month in New Zealand would be fishing and hiking and soaking up all the wonders of mother nature. And SURFING.

Not sitting at a computer puking up the same worthless rants he does when at home in between arranging flowers for a bunch of fat sluts who have NO BUSINESS wearing white.

Hey Mike why don’t you take a break dude? Go for a freakin HIKE or something bro. I am sure that Jimmy Bagel and Goldberg Sacks and Rottenbreath and David ” I swear I was in a frat at U.C.L.A. before I started lickin industry taint” Postman and Rachel Madcow and Keith Oberbarn and Stevie Ray fuckin NUG will all still be here when you get back.

You are not the “voice of reality” my fine liberal nutcase. You are the voice of the psycho babble minority that somehow, someway has taken control of a center right nation that is STILL GREAT.

Give it BACK BITCH!!!!!!!

30 03 2010
charger fan

And the Bears STILL SUCK!!!! And the Chargers will rise from the ashes and ascend into greatness in 2010!

30 03 2010
PeterPerfect's Shaft

Mark,

Try Decaf next time. And waaaaaay less Meth.

In other words, stay away from El Centro.

30 03 2010
Vicodin

Charger Fan, you’re up.

30 03 2010
mark

nug is vicodin.

i can just FEEL it in the way the words come off the screen.

30 03 2010
Vicodin

Nug, set him straight or you will get none of me.

30 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Oh Mailman, Mailman, Mailman. It is all so predictable, this fatal waltz of nuptial obligation, and yet we each think we will be the exception.

My heart weeps for you. Love is never just, and the heart seldom keeps its promises.

Plus, you shouldn’t have banged them groupies.

30 03 2010
trauzersnake

@Norv turner and all the charger fans…..we’re fucked, they never should’ve got rid of marrty ball or drew B. I would like to again like to thank all the commenters here; enoch ward, mike, mark peter perfect, jamon bagel.. and any others i may have forgotten… and oh yeah, the man himself, for the kind words, really helps make things better. just one request…can we replace the Laird with willie nelson? guy is the shit….

thx.

30 03 2010
trauzersnake

that should have been… I would like to again thank….

30 03 2010
Voice of Reality

@Charger fan, your post registered anger, but failed to address your team. I know quite well who your coach is…. and Trauzer is right. Marty had the team rolling and just need to allow his O-Coordinator to open things up, specially on third down. AJ Smith ran him out of town and your toughness went with him. Brees on the other hand had a horrific playoff injury and who knew he would come back so strong. River is the real deal, all the pieces are there for a great team, no leadership. Biggest change since Marty left…. less productive line play on both sides of the ball. Fundamentals. But damn, that receiving core is big and long. Should be a cakewalk in that division…..

@Mark, I’ve been communicating with clients while I’ve been gone, using this site as I always do…. as a segue between business emails. Surfed twice today and scored huge yesterday, don’t worry about me. Though I thank you for your concern and want you to know how much I appreciate your attention.

30 03 2010
Mike

@ Jamon… maybe that’s why dave’s on the couch, his puma read his comments regarding his rather prolific single life!

Happens every time and no one listens, do they?

30 03 2010
Donavan McNabb

If they trade me to the Raiders I’m going to kill myself…right after I sleep with Mark’s Mom.

30 03 2010
trauzersnake

LMFAO @ Donavan McNabb

30 03 2010
trauzersnake

…and leave Mark’s mom out of this, moms are IRREPLACEABLE!!!

30 03 2010
trauzersnake

“I’ll fly a starship across the universe divide-and when i reach the other side, i’ll find a place to rest my spirit if i can_ perhaps i may become a highway man again…. or i may simply be a single drop of rain…..but i will remain, and i’ll be back again…”:

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Trauzer,

I had the unabashed privilege of meeting Mr. Johnny Cash at a wrap party for one of his specials back in the early nineties. Yes, I am an old mu’fucker. And I was but a dollop of mushed corn kernels uponst a steaming batter of turd pie at the time, but He meandered my direction, so I feebly stepped into his path, struck an awkward stance, and thrust my scrawny hand forward in an attempt to garner a handshake. I made this decision fully knowing that he rightfully saw me as a lowly pigeon’s stool that impeded his progress towards freedom.

My shame was undaunted.

Despite my insignificant presence, He grasped my hand, looked me dead in the eyes, and said, “awright, good job tonight…” before vanishing into the tunnel towards his ride.

Now, I have lived a successful life when compared to some. When compared to The Man in Black, I have lived the life of an ingrown hair on a rodent’s claw. But one thing I will never, EVER, forget, is that fucking handshake.

The point, I suppose, is this:

Johnny Cash, The Highwaymen, and Kris Kristofferson’s songwriting are akin to Slater’s genius, while Mick Fanning is akin to Toby Keith singing above a burning cross with bed-sheets over his head.

Or, something.

31 03 2010
Elwood

@Mark,

Dude…. Ventura has got your name written all over it. Think about all those soft reef breaks along 101…. no need for liquid diets with those breaks. Not to mention there’s no University nearby and no liberal freaks for ya to stress about.

Plus I’m sure Mike would let ya live in his garage for a while till you get settled… that would make for a great episode or two.

Just don’t wait for the wind to die in the afternoon.

31 03 2010
Mike

@Elwood….

Mark would fit in Ventura. But his family wouldn’t. He knows where he needs to be and it will all be good.

Enoch and Johnny Cash…. wonder what Johnny said when they met… “Blasphemy? what kind of name is that?” Young Enoch kicked at a fallen napkin with his hands in his pockets and replied demurely, “Rottmouth, sir”.

That’s how it all got started, Young Enoch networking himself into an industry player… one star at a time.

31 03 2010
Rabbi Bartholomew

Why did I retire? Oy Vey.

31 03 2010
mark

@trauzersnake@23:38

Thanks a lot for making me cry 2 hours before a job interview.

I love that song. My father was a promoter for country music concerts in Alabama and Georgia in the late 60’s and early 70’s before we moved to the Bay Area and, according to him, my life was forever ruined by surfing and pot smoking and Santa Cruz liberals.

He died when I was 16. We went through some tough times and ever since then I cry whenever I hear that Merle haggard song ” If we make it through December”.

I realize that I am opening myself up to even more ridicule from

31 03 2010
mark

the other commenters on this site and I don’t even care. Your the man Chris. I’m gonna call my mom right now and tell her that I love her just for you.

Hopefully she isn’t still asleep since she probably got home at 4 a.m. from her date with enoch ward.

Gotta keep laughin! See you in the water some day bro!

31 03 2010
mark

p.s. Mike can’t relate to real music like that. His favorite song is “both sides now” by Judy Collins!

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

In keeping with the cryptic tone over the last few days –

R.I.P. David Mills.

One of the best writers in La-La Land.

The Wire. Homicide. NYPD Blue. ER. Etc…

…let us hope The Lantern is the next to succumb to ‘unnatural causes.’

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mark,

Our date went splendid. Your mother is quite the specimen. I have nothing bad to say about her today.

Except that she kept telling me she thought Precious she was too thin.

31 03 2010
Angry Villagers without a Pitchforks

If Nug doesn’t put up a new post quick, We are going to burn down his trailer park.

We will keep the alcohol and green for ourselves. Mark can have the meth.

But the rest? BURN IN HELLL!!! You here us??

31 03 2010
Angry Villagers without Pitchforks

Couldn’t even spell our name right, we are so furious.

31 03 2010
trauzersnake

Mark-Mahalo bro. Good luck with the interview.

31 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Has it really been a year since we last heard from Brother AVWP? Man, I miss that angry villager.

31 03 2010
Mike

Mark is going to call Chris’ mom?

Am I missing something?

Merle Haggard?

Please Nug, for Mark’s sanity, Post Anything……

And if I know Mark, he doesn’t need luck getting a job, he’s a salesman. Keeping the job, he may need some luck. Go get em, Calibammy.

Fucking sun doesn’t come up here until 7:30, but the wind is still east!

Nice sleep Dave the Mailman? Or is the doghouse open during the day today?

31 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

I only have the footage of one contest to go on, but it seems to me that Stuart Kenneday surfs a lot like the Fanndroid, only better.

31 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Kennedy!

31 03 2010
Dave Mailman

My back hurts like shit, but I’m a happy little puppy! I get to sleep in the human bed tonight!

31 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Puppy…yes, yes, that is perfect. Keep looking cute and wagging your tail, and you might occasionally get fed, heh heh.

31 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Oh, and Peter, you might want to try a google image search for Stuart Kennedy. I think you will find it to your liking….

31 03 2010
sheangri la

“I’ll have a Fanning with a twist, please”

“Oh, you mean a Kennedy”

31 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

EXACTLY!!!

31 03 2010
Jamon's puppy Dave

bark bark, I’m so fucking sick of breakfast round here and all I want to do is spoon an Argentine puma, but she gave me away to this loony bin posing as a meal, bark bark.

31 03 2010
Anklyosaurs

This is what it’s come to, Nug. You are being called out by a 13,000 pound shambling armored dinosaur with a brain the size of a walnut.

MAKE A NEW POST DAMMIT OR I WILL SMASH YOUR PUNY LAPTOP WITH MY MASSIVE BONY TAIL.

31 03 2010
Anklyosaurus

Fuck I spelled my own name wrong. I told you my brain was small.

“Ankylosaurus was an ankylosaur, whose intelligence (as measured by its relative brain to body weight, or EQ) was low among the dinosaurs.”

31 03 2010
Skud

My Bells predictions:

1. The most exciting part of the entire contest will be when Rip Curl announces the official location for the Search event. The rest of it will blow goats and be lackluster as fuck.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Nugs,

If you are hard up for a post, just pay PeterPerfect in blow jobs to write Fake Chas Smith articles.

I would read them.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@PeterPerfect,

You should start your own blog and post articles as Fake Charlie Smith.

*wink, wink, nudge, nudge… say no more, say no more.*

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I really like Fake Chas Smith.

It’s bordering on a homosexual lust, actually. But certainly not gay – just to be clear.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I just read the earlier comments and realized that Mark cried…

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!

31 03 2010
mark

this post is so old that when it started lantern was still around.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is so old it was written in Sanskrit on parchments made of coagulated Gerry Lopez toe-nails.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is so old there’s a hyperlink to it on the Dead Sea Scrolls.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is so old it was written back when Mick Fanning loved Jewish people.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Sweet game, Mark.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is so old it’s still moist with primordial soup afterbirth.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is so old Methuselah remembers the first time he read “…his rails rain oceanic blood like Samurai swords murdering the Easter Bunny…” before caughing up a nut from laughing so hard.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Somebody better stop me or I’ll go all night…

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is so old it was actually penned by a lone tadpole in Nug’s father’s testicle in 1968.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is so old that Captain Cook famously expounded:

“In one place we came upon a large company of naked natives, of both sexes and all ages, amusing themselves with the national pastime of Nugable.com.”

Cook went on to say, “And where the hell did Lewis Samuels run off to? What a bristling faggot.”

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This post is so old, it was around when our Laird and Savior had His moment of doubt and pain…

… Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name… ‘Bell’s Preview’ whoo-hoo.

Whoo-hoo.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Okay, the last one did it. Too far.

I apologize.

Whiskey.

I loathe ye, and I love ye.

May I haff ‘nuther?

31 03 2010
The Nug

Something tells me Enoch is behind this. http://ow.ly/1tq9A

31 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@ EW (the last several hours)…

I havent heard of anyone entertaining themselves that thoroughly since Peter Perfect locked himself in a Greyhound latrine with a laptop full of shemale porn on a transcontinental express in inclement weather.

31 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

and also…

This post is so old, traces of it have been found in the fossilized feces (aka coprolite) of Ankylosaurus magniventris, an armored herbivorous dinosaur that existed between 68 to 65.5 million years ago, in the final Maastrichtian stage of the Late Cretaceous Period.

31 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Dinosaurs pretty much rule.

Though Jamon may prefer the Anklebiterasaurus, I would proffer up the much-feared Pliosaurs from the same Cretaceous Period… not to be confused with The Lanternocerous that was indigenous to the Gaseous Period.

That said, this post is still older than the wooden teeth in Erik Hogetz’s skull.

31 03 2010
Elwood

@ EW, Trauzer, etc.

Cash, Nelson, and throw Orbison in there too = Laird/Dane/God status.

On the other hand Elvis was a quack. He stole the black man’s music and put a pretty white face to it…. no other top selling artist music has had less staying power. Elvis sucks and John Wayne was a fag.

31 03 2010
Elwood

@ Shea-Lo.

Big wave surfing = Drug addiction.

War = Drugs.

Any correlation here?

Anyone who hasn’t seen the movie “The Hurt Locker” check it out… great fucking movie.

1 04 2010
mark

@nug

no more mom talk or i am outta here and i will take all of my alter ego’s with me.

your site will spiral downward in popularity and all of your advertisers will bail and you will have to get some shitty job like web consultant, flower arranger or car salesman.

or maybe dave can get you in as an industry fluffer.

1 04 2010
smyrnajeff

@elwood

mark was born in a town that is 58 miles from the town where elvis was born. they have similar styles.

plus mark, like elvis, was quite the lady’s man when he was younger until he fell prey to the rock star car salesman lifestyle with all of it’s temptations and distractions.

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