2010 Nugable Gear Guide

23 03 2010

1. Drugstore Flip Flops
$4.99
You need a bottle opener on your sandal like you need another hole in your head. That’s so 2007. Use a lighter or your teeth to open that bottle and save 40 bucks in the process. They also have these things called bottle openers. And don’t worry about the blisters on your feet. They build character. These rubber gifts from God will protect the soles of your feet from broken beer bottles and the crack vials that litter your beach.



2. Used bar of Wax

Free
I’m fairly certain they sell this stuff at surf shops. I can’t recall ever buying a bar of wax. Somehow I always have half bar in my ride. There’s a bar melting in my car as I write this. I have no idea how it got there. I probably stole it from some unsuspecting grom. Sometimes I find a perfectly good bar just sitting on the beach. Buying wax is for suckers.

3. Casio 8-Digit Calculator Dual Time Watch
$15.99
Forgot about those high-priced surf watches that keep track of tides and have all those bells and whistles. Fuck that shit. This bad boy has a calculator and it’s a chick magnet. I saw Dane Reynolds use this same watch last summer trying to calculate how much to tip the waitress at Dennys. It was money.

4. Beer Can Covers
$2.99
Did they make drinking on the beach in your city illegal? Not to worry. The beer can cover disguises your liquid lunch with the utmost class. Stick it to the man and enjoy your suds in peace.

5. Zig Zag Rolling Papers
$1.59
The most important tool of any surfer’s arsenal is undoubtedly the rolling paper. Whether you’re a young hipster rolling tobacco or a crusty, old stoner enjoying a pre or post-surf spliff, these always come in handy. I trust no man who cannot roll an adequate joint. You shouldn’t either.



6. Recycled Wetsuit
Free
New wetsuits are overrated. The last for less than one season. Sure, they keep you warm and are super light, but they aren’t exactly sturdy. What’s the answer? Bust out the old suit in your garage when your hi-tech number breaks down. And it’s good for the environment to recycle.

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322 responses

23 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Somewhere in Carlsbad, Chris Coté is now placing his shriveled little scrotum in between the glossy pages of his latest Trannysworld issue, and repeatedly bashing them with a ball-peen hammer.

23 03 2010
Enoch Ward

That was an expert way to lighten things up after the last post.

Many LOLS and OMG’s.

23 03 2010
the lantern

Number 1 is guru. BOYCOTT REEF
Buying surf labels is crap.They get their clothes made in china and sell their products are ridiculous prices given the poor quality of the threads all so that andy irons can support his coke habit, slater can buy another beach house and dane reynalds can keep being an alcoholic.
All you PC bitches out there should know that your precious surf industry is being held up on the back of little chinese street urchins working 16 hour days to the crack of a whip in sweat shops. Not to mention the pollution to the envrionment all the smoke stacks cause. If that doesn’t appeal to your moral outrage think about how the jobs are taken away from your own country and given to the chinese. All so they can pay a couple of over privileged athletes.
If your still not convinced what about how wearing a surf label makes the average punter want to call the fashion police. Loud colors and glaring logos makes the wearer look like a teenager or a dirty old wizard trying to hold on to the last scraps of his youth. Pack of sheep.

vote 1 lantern

BOYCOTT SURF LABELS

23 03 2010
Bone an Raized

AAHHH!
Just twisted up “an adequate joint,” burning as I write this.
AAHHHH!

23 03 2010
the lantern

5 Number 5 is bullshit.Not all surfers smoke weed. Nothing good comes out of smoking weed. However here are some negative effects of using this DRUG.
Enhanced cancer risk, Lowered sperm count, Diminished sexual pleasure, addiction, sleepiness DOPE , impaired short term memory, reduced ability to perform tasks requiring concentration and coordination, impaired comprehension, paranoia and anxiety/panic attacks.
It’s not just a bit of harmless fun.

Say no to drugs and yes to lantern

23 03 2010
the lantern

4 – Alcohol may have a government stamp of approval but it’s still a drug. Arguably the worst drug in society and without doubt the one that causes the most problems.
Alcohol was banned in public for a reason It should be banned altogether but the government is making to much blood money from it and history tells us the police are to incompetent to stamp out this scurge on society. Drink driving related fatalities, domestic violence, public violence and disturbing of neighborhoods. Obscene and unruly behavior of youth, adultery and many, many more problems facing modern society can be blamed on this heinous demon nectar. Not to mention the clogging up of the health system from all the people with alcohol related health problems.

Vote 1 lantern

p/s girls should be banned from drinking beer or consuming any other products containing yeast .Say no to yeast infected vagines.

23 03 2010
Nug

@lantern
Do you own a shotgun? And If so, can I borrow it?

23 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

the lantern: Diminished sexual pleasure? You, sir, are smoking the proverbial wrong shit.

Also, I grow bored of your incessant ranting, as well as your ill-informed opining on every ice-riddled thought passing through that month-old oatmeal mush Allah saw fit to plant within your skull. You sound very much like the product of unprotected sex between Eddie Murphy and his transvestite, sans any comedic intuition. Please consider joining the cast of RuPaul’s ‘Drag Race’ or becoming an Elton John roadie as is your heart’s obvious longing, then get back to us.

Sincerely,

Perkus

23 03 2010
sheapez

@nug,
Those are all necessary accessories for the hardcore surfer.
If you could add an app to filter out all the lanterns verbal spooge then your list would almost be complete.

23 03 2010
the lantern

@ nug. Sorry sir. i don’t earn a shot gun. What do u want to borrow one for? The drugs got u feeling a little low?
@ perkus tooth. I take it this means you are a stoner? You should quit before you get cancer or become skitzophenic.
By the way. Tranvesites can not bear cihldren u dumb stoned oatmeal mush brained twat. If it really pleases you you can think of me as a hilarious white eddie murphy.That guys funny as fuck in RAW and DELERIUM and un PC to boot.
I’d have more bad things to say to you but the name perkus tooth is out of this world. How did u come up with such a delightfully off beat label for yourself?

23 03 2010
south brazilian bro

i dunno what is funnier, the post or lantern’s replies. lol

question: is Havainas flip fops cheap in the U.S? here in brazil they’re cheap and still fashion, good shit. pretty damn durable too.

23 03 2010
the lantern

@Sheapez of shit
I think you made a mistake. You meant to say a lantern update on Iphone apps so none of you miss out on my delightful banter.

Making friends

Lantern

23 03 2010
the lantern

@ south brazilian bro

I don’t know about in The US and A but in australia havianas are twice the price of in brazil.When the lantern went to brazil he bought several pairs as they seemed like a good investment. I congratulate you sir on living in the homeland of the worlds finest females.

23 03 2010
La Madera

7. A used pair of Alana’s G’s

23 03 2010
Things that make me go Hmmmmm

are there any other surf blogs where i can comment back and forth with everyone and have some laughs without being subjected to 24-7 lantern gnar?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

23 03 2010
sheapez

@lantern you should call yourself @kryptonite. You’ve had the same effect since your arrival to this super website. Go find yourself something green to put in your pipe and chilllllllllllllllllllllllll…please.

23 03 2010
t

Totally awesome.

Vote lantern down.

Any thoughts are who lantern could be?? I say Perry Hatchett.

tazzy on , no webcast again.

23 03 2010
t

Go Green Lantern Or just go

23 03 2010
the lantern

@ the nug
I think you should consider removing the comment by ‘the lantern’ under the mick fanning vs stab magazine article at 15.08 that lists his hatred of various ethnic groups.It’s very offensive and if certain watchdogs got wind of it u could have problems with the site.

23 03 2010
trauzersnake

The lantern is full of hot gas. Much like I’ve been getting from soup and what not I’ve been getting from all these concerned neighbors since i’ve been back east dealing with the tragedy of a sick parent. something stinks in here.

@Enoch Ward, please go back to being Blasphemy Rottmouth…you were much funnier back then, and you could even reinstate your stupid website.

And on the subject of Jewish folks from the last post, if I had three wishes one would be that Lewis Samuels would rekindle postsurf….well, maybe make that five or six wishes.

Finally….@ Mark, Obamacare is going to be signed into law, which I MYSELF think is ok, because working poor and the common man will have human access to healthcare, which is the right thing if America is supposed to be the greatest country on earth…..and you have yet to even comment on this.

for the THIRD TIME…….I QUIT!!!!!

23 03 2010
Demon

Welcome to the Land of the Lantern… aka Dr. Scatology

23 03 2010
trauzersnake

aka Dr. Cumdumpster.

23 03 2010
mark

@trauzersnake

sorry about your sick parent.

i actually did comment on the health care deal but you must have missed it. probably got drowned out in all the hoopla over the lantern.

not worth going into again. besides it has already passed and been signed.

23 03 2010
trauzersnake

@Mark

Thanks, bud.

Lantern=cumdumpster.

Aloha

23 03 2010
Bondi sucks

I apologise to everyone for I believe it was I who brought the lantern to this website.
He was getting moderated heavily on Stab and made a comment wishing for a place of no such thing. I told him about nugable.com
I guess I’m kind of like that guy who brings his loud mouth friend that secret pointbreak noone is meant to know about.
Hang, draw and quarter me.

23 03 2010
the lantern

Trauzersnake = Chronic masturbater

It’s a real tradgedy america’s getting free health care for the poor. The country is overpopulated and if people can’t afford health benifits they die and that’s natures way of culling the population of it’s white trash and black rabble.

So many of the worlds problems are caused by over population which is why mother nature is fighting back. Floods, earthquakes, fires, plagues it’s all happening people call these incidents a tragedy but the lantern says it’s for the good of the planet and mankind as a whole in the long run.

Make the chinese one child policy a global affair.

vote 1 lantern

23 03 2010
trauzersnake

@Lantern-

No argument at all about being a chronic masturbater-no unnecessary population increase here (unless my glue goes down the wrong sewer pipe and somehow merges with that of Enoch Ward). In fact I’ve made a living of it on these dumbfuck blogs…it’s no act, mate.

My only hope is that vermin like yourself get flushed down the next flood, earthquake, fire etc. Like you say, that white trash needs to be culled.

Peace.

23 03 2010
Mike

Late to the party with basically nothing to offer but repeats, Lantern sounds an alarm we’ve been banging. Lantern you are preaching to an anti corpo choir, get with the program straggler. Glad to read you outing Andy for his flake issues. Dude, you’re too far behind the peak to pull in and that isn’t because you are sitting deeper! It’s because you missed the lineup.

Another nice read from Senor Nug…. Never trust someone who can’t roll a perfect joint…. yeah. And buying wax is for suckers… If you buy a stock Al Merrick, they’ll give you TWO FREE BARS!!!

On another note, their are some good mags in the Southern Hemi. Tracks is like a novel compared to TWS! Normally, Surfer/ing don’t have enough editorial to crack off a good shit, but this issue of Tracks has made it two weeks with my prolific ass.

@Chris cote…. Hire the fucking Nug and watch your demographic include IQ’s!

23 03 2010
Viking Leech

Fuck, I just tried to sell two used (and in great shape), fairly new fullsuits on Craigslists and didn’t get shit for responses.

23 03 2010
Mike

So I post up and refresh and here is Lantern again suggesting population control. What’s next, questioning God? Well that would be Dane to some and Laird to others, but my point remains the same… we’ve already covered that shit ad nauseum.

That’s why the boys are glad I’ve been away from the internet and this damn site has gotten back to talking about surfing.

Some of you would like to know that I have no idea what is happening with geopolitics right now and I don’t give a shit. Good surf is pretty fucking distracting and all this green bud during harvest doesn’t help much.

23 03 2010
the lantern

@viking. If you offer these stooges a couple of free blocks of wax with your full suits your sure to get a sale.
@trauzersnake your quite the poison tounged adder. Wishing death on a charming young lantern. my, my

vote 1 lantern and recieve a shiny new block of wax

23 03 2010
Global cooling

The Lantern must be most sagacious if the bozo commentators on this site are so down on him. Turns out most of you are PC sheep…actually I’m not surprised now that I think about it.

23 03 2010
the lantern

@ mike. God does not exist. He’s just like a tooth fairy or santa claus for adults. Jesus was a dirty wizard that couldn’t afford a decent pair of sandals and didn’t know much about hair cuts.The bible is a fictional story written by a group of evil men to form a church and control the population. Some of these men even molest little boys. so ‘holy’.
@ mike i suggest u read my comment at 15.19 seeing as people have said i’ve been writing comments that are to long, it expresses my opinions about marujuana abuse.I’m worried you will get cancer or suffer from other side effects of this nasty gate way drug.

say no to drugs and vote 1 lantern

23 03 2010
the lantern

@ global cooling. You sir are a gentleman.Thanks for your vote.

Down with PC – vote 1 lantern

25 03 2010
transvestite

Thanks for the free crack and blow jobs last night lantern you sure know your way around a set of balls!

25 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

Fucken’ FUNNY !
And only one clean, crisp sentence .
Nugable gas bags all, plz. take note …

23 03 2010
Mike

@Lantern 16:34 of the Fanning thread….. fucking good joke dude, can I poach it? You guys know that Mel Gibson is an aussie…. things that make you go hmmmmmm…. sorry ML.

You (Lantern) also know that several of us have been red flagged at Stab… here’s what you do. Create an alias and crack the editors code. If you need help with an alias, Mark has plenty discarded to choose from. Speaking of Mark….

Fuck off Global Cooling….. but NOW you have health insurance! You can get the meds you so desperately need to get control of your multiple personality disorder!

23 03 2010
Mike

Anonymous must be getting pretty lonely on Stab with Lantern defecting to the States and all.

Thanks Lantern for your concern about my gateway Marijuana smoking. Maybe if I was drug free like you, I’d be 4 steps behind on every subject and posting repeats non stop. I could re read your comment above, but it was pretty fucking boring the first run.

Bless you all and may you walk in God’s light….errrrr Lanterns.

23 03 2010
the lantern

@ mike poach away but lay off global cooling. that guy doens’t enjoy pc sheep and is therefore my allie in this hostile alien land.There are many enemies but i am 40 foot high with unstoppable confidence and i will TAKE power.
Thanks for the tip on stab but i’m having more fun here now.
What did you get red flagged for at stab?
You might think i’m 4 steps behind mike but I’m new to this site so what’s old to you is new to me. Smarter than me or not your brain would be functioning better without the weed.

vote for lantern

25 03 2010
transvestite

take control sweetie!

23 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Vicking Leech

What size and what mm? I think some of us here might actually be surfers…

23 03 2010
mark

@mike

not global cooling. would claim it if so.

hope you are having fun lefty. catch a cool green one for me and appreciate where you are. savor the countryside and take some deep breaths of that sweet kiwi air.

p.s. 10 foot face powerful south swell a-frames this morning with light crowds and oil glass. unreal march so far with 2 more days to come of this south and 3 west swells due before the month is over. not a bad time to be “stuck” in so cal i guess.

23 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Mike and everyone else. You may have missed my last post in the last thread. Let me sum up: do not respond to Lantern. Do not acknowledge or engage. He is blessed with the rare capacity of utterly failing to recognize his own stupidity, and his logical reasoning capacity is on a par with that of peat moss. The only thing that keeps him around is your responses, and he will not stop as long as even one of us is drawn out by his massive effusion of festering oxen scat.

To sum up, I have taken the liberty of cut/pasting (Mailman-style) this page from the Anti-Stalkers handbook. Simply replace the phrase “your stalker” with “The Lantern”:

Decline any and all gratuitous contact with your stalker. Do not respond to his pleading, romantic, nostalgic, flattering, or threatening e-mail messages [or blog comments]. Return all gifts he sends you. Refuse him entry to your premises. Do not even respond to the intercom. Do not talk to him on the phone. Hang up the minute you hear his voice while making clear to him, in a single, polite but firm, sentence, that you are determined not to talk to him. Do not answer his letters. Do not visit him on special occasions, or in emergencies. Do not respond to questions, requests, or pleas forwarded to you through third parties [aka aliases]. Do not gossip about him. Do not ask him for anything, even if you are in dire need. Relegate any inevitable contact with him – when and where possible – to professionals: your lawyer, or your accountant.

That is all. PS, Lantern you are dead to me.

23 03 2010
the lantern

@jamon bagel
Go eat some bagels you jew hugging cretin.I’m livening up this joint and whether people respond or not i’m here to stay.You just made sure of that. I”m going to keep commenting here until the day i read the dreaded ‘your comment has been saved for review’ after i post.
The lantern is an extreme guru

vote 1 lantern

25 03 2010
transvestite

extreme guru of the butthole! vote for lantern

23 03 2010
Global cooling

@ Mike – Already have health insurance as I try not to depend on government handouts but if I nursed a dope addiction such as yourself, I’m sure my brain would be addled enough to buy into this latest lurch towards Communism.

Lantern – I must address your unbelief in the Deity. He’s actually very real and as a matter of fact will soon be coming back. Angry. Take the ultimate contrarian position and actually believe in and follow Him. There’d be no regrets.

23 03 2010
Mike

@Jamon… just read your eloquent homage to an unwanted house guest, bravo dude. But would you really buy a wettie from Craig’s list?

Not surprised you are “christian” GCooling. When you mention Fear and Anger, you must be a true believer in your fantasy. Mix in a lack of empathy for anyone other than yourself and you’ll achieve the socialism Money demands and the collateral damage will be incurred by the masses subject to “capitalism”.

One more thing GC…. because I am capable of enjoying a mild inebriant during my very productive life does not make me drug addled. Not everyone falls victim to the cliche that led you to detox.

I caught one for ya today Marky even though Ponto was probably all time.

23 03 2010
mark

The Lantern is Lewis Samuels.

True story. BVB told me so.

23 03 2010
Frank Woodbury

Looks like our Flower Girl is at it again screaming about his “very productive life” which surely includes “world class art”.

Hey Lantern maybe Mike can arrange YOUR wedding flowers yeah mate?

Nahhh. No girl would ever consider marrying a sad and lonely man like you Lantern. Your words reek of one who is alone 23 hours a day and if anything will be moving towards 24 a day soon.

Good luck with your new venture here on Nug.

23 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I stuck my wee wee in a toaster once.

23 03 2010
Enoch Ward

You all seem to be talking to a ghost.

Is it me, or are all of you responding to someone or something that once existed, but has now been extinguished. I… err, a friend once left a comment at PostSurf back in the early 1970’s that went something like this:

“There’s this great little juke joint where I once lived, overlooking the water, and it’s called Arbunckle’s. Raw oysters caught that day in the bay as big as your hand, and a buck each; fried pickles, catfish nuggets, crawfish smashed potatoes, and buckets of ice cold amber cervezas on tap. The deck is a great place to sit; view over the marina, constant breeze, pretty girls….and then it never fails: a tourist tosses a patient seagull a hushpuppy or french fry. Then, here they all come – a hurricane of shrill squawking, feathers, bird shit everywhere…same thing every time. And the gulls always check back, eager for that scrap…

Boogie boarders… are seagulls; scavengers that bring nothing; attention-starved parasites that must use provocation because they lack wit.

C’mon, guys; stop feeding the damn seagulls.”

As Jamon has coherently put it: STOP FEEDING THE DAMN SEAGULLS!!!!!11!!

23 03 2010
Enoch Ward

And by boogie boarders, youknowwhatimean.

23 03 2010
Mike

Why Wood Frank try to Bury me again?…. you got to get a hold of your schizophrenia sister Callibammy. And when your daughter gets married Mark, someone is gonna fleece you and I’ll let you twist in the wind…. or not.

Fuck I hate seagulls, rats with wings.

Hey Everyone, Mark NOW has access to insurance! Pelosi delivers an early Xmas gift to Smyrna Jeff’s cousins!!!!!!!!!!!

24 03 2010
Schlurg

E.W.
I blew out my shoulder last week. Doc says,”NO SURFING!”
The waves have been so good, I just couldn’t take it.
I’ve been riding my kid’s body board.
Now, I’ve always been a dick dragger, found it to be an efficient tube stall,but
does this brief foray into the world of prone waveriding turn me into a
youknowwhatimean?

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Schlurg,

You must not have read my… uhhh, HIS follow up comment:

“… there’s nothing inherently wrong with boogie boarding. It’s downright cute, if you ask me. It is like watching my son crawl for the first time. I hearken back to that moment with pure elation. My wife and I were sooo excited! We took pictures and videos… even called my parents to tell them how cool and advanced our son had become.

And then he learned to walk. You know something? At that moment, we completely forgot how excited we were when he was worming his way around the house on his belly. Now, he could move about the house in a manner that was infinitely times faster than before. To pardon the cliché: the glass roof had been shattered.

Sure, I see pictures of him on his belly when he was a wee little suckling, and think, ‘awe, that was such a quaint and endearing epoch in time.’ Alas, a fact is a fact.

It’s been seventeen years since the last time I said it on this site, but I’ll say it again: Boogie boarding is like fucking an hermaphroditic Indonesian prostitute with a strap-on jelly dong. It may look like you’re doing it; but in the end…

… It’s just not the same, is it?”

24 03 2010
Mike

Hey boys

Stab just broke the news….

“Matt Biolas is the worlds best shaper”

He’s taking orders in Oz right NOW and Stab censored my comment.

Nothing like insecurity masking commerce.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ enoch ward
Seems your a racist to huh. racist against bodyboaders. Your probably discriminating against them because your an old kook and they sit deeper than you at your local reef and take the best waves.
NIce analogy with seagulls but the lantern is really more of a golden eagle.Strong, majestic and ever so powerful

25 03 2010
transvestite

ooooooh so spicy!

24 03 2010
Randomrandomness

Please leave, the lantern. RRness wants to be the most annoying contributor on this here fine surfing blog.

24 03 2010
Jah-sh

Best gear guide I have ever seen in my life. “Never trust someone who can’t roll an adequate joint.” Such truth!

24 03 2010
CORPO

dont usually push Surfline but they got footage of teahupoo that everyone should see.

Is manoa’s last wave the biggest ever there?

24 03 2010
Bondi sucks

That last wave was a 18 year old kiwi kid.

24 03 2010
bucksfizz

I’m new, yes, and I prob won’t stay, no; however, I have been having a laugh… And one thing Mr Lantern has succeeded in elucidating beautifully is the gift that some Americans have for taking themselves way, way, too seriously… come on, lighten the f*ck up! and Lantern you owe me wax! warm water and make it snappy, leaving for Indo Friday.

24 03 2010
ed

oh.. I need a mayhem now!

you know what´s funny? I bought some zig-zag once in south america and they were “made in spain”

stegosaurus btw

24 03 2010
Anklyosaurus

Stegosaurus what? I had a stegosaurus for breakfast today.

24 03 2010
4kinGoogleit

herbivore

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ buckfizz. About time someone finally got it. I’m just here to push the envelope,be uncensored and make people think about things from a different point of view.
That chopes vid on surfline is intense. I really enjoyed the wipe out at 4.19
Trex eats stegosauras for breakfast

vote 1 lantern

And get off your high horse u PC pussies

25 03 2010
transvestite

the lantern and me having some fun! he was ripping and then he ripped my butthole

24 03 2010
Anklyosaurus

That Stego doesn’t think I’m a herbivore anymore…

24 03 2010
Anklyosaurus

….sorry, “an” herbivore. Just because I am a giant armored reptile with a boulder-whip for a tail doesn’t mean I have no respect for grammar.

24 03 2010
mark

mike is a “HERBivore”.

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Heh heh… that sort of thing is why we keep you around, Mark.

24 03 2010
the lantern

jamon bagel is a drug fucked jew
mark is a gentleman
and where the fuck is eunuch ward?

24 03 2010
the lantern

What do you call a jew from jamacia?
Jamon Bagel

24 03 2010
CORPO

a blackman who happens to be jewish.

Someone in a time far far away the Jewish religon was incorrectly labled a race.

24 03 2010
the lantern

Repeat after me

The lantern is good, the lantern is great, we surrender our will as of this date.

25 03 2010
Scrotie mcboogerballs

This guy is my hero…..

24 03 2010
the lantern

4 in a row

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Nug,

Are you planning on working up a Rip Curl *yawn* Bells preview?

We need to begin wagering now. You know… if gambling were legal and all.

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Bone an Raized, from yesterday. Three foot and offshore, very clean & fun. Better than I went to bed thinking it would be.

This morning I found a new break, paddled out and yelled, “I fuckin rip, motherfuckers! Watch me ride this breaker!” Then I dug rail on the takeoff, wiggled out of it and did half a cutback. Not to mention a failed tube stall.

Afterwards I yelled “Did you fuckers see that? Fuck yeah! Look at me! You’re all a bunch of kooks. I am your KING” and paddled back inside of everyone, trying to see if I could get more than one wave in each set.

For some reason, no one seems to like me.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ eunuch wog
I’ll place a bet on slater for taco bells

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@EW,

If Taj wins again, put me in the toaster oven at 500 degrees and just walk away.

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Jamon 9:58

I see what you did there. Heh heh.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ jewish bagel
sounds like you stink it up in the line up bro. Terrible style. I’d have thought a stoned jamacian would be a bit more relaxed. and as a jew i’d have thought u’d not want to draw attention to yoruself in case anyone noticed u and thought theyd try to steal some of your milllions of dollars that you never spend.
You really must be a most unpopular little man

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ drug fucked bagel
I’ve still got my money on slater but i’m secretly hoping taj will win now.
If taj wins all you mothers and fathers in victoria had better lock your underage daughters up. the triple chinned office man will be out to play!

24 03 2010
the lantern

How many people here think the lantern is racist and how many people think the lantern gets a laugh out of putting the racist cat in amongst the PC pidgeons?
You loud mouth seppo’s should all go and have a panadol.

Vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
the lantern

4 in a row undisturbed by @ corpo

24 03 2010
ed

Throw the jew down the well
So my country can be free
throw the lantern down the well
so the jew can fuck him

bring the jew back from the well
Then we have a big party

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@EW…

You are cleverer than some…

24 03 2010
God

What is worse than the lantern’s banter? …

24 03 2010
Might I Suggest...

…to God that He familiarize himself with Enoch 23:14 and Bagel 20:09, two very important passages in the Holy Document that is Nugable.

PS, Welcome back God. We missed You.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ ed
don’t be silly noone wants to party with jews.They don’t like to spend their money so everything will be stoogey and of inferior quality.

lantern is god

your first clue to my identity

@ might i suggest that you go fuck yourself with a jamacian bagel

24 03 2010
ed

saturday was poker night, again… this time at jew´s house.

as always we started with a few guinness and some green.. cigarrets.. ballantines.. cigarrets.. bright.. bright.. bright.. bright.. some ballantines in between.. a lot of talk, good and bad hands.. a cigar.. more green…

anyways, it was 7:30am I was at my friend´s porch, 20$ richer, smoking a blunt of considerable size, overlooking a flat but beautiful ocean. A few last words… last laughs… went home.

I tell you something, nothing was of inferior quality

you should open up your eyes and stop with the prejudice

this travelling of yours can be a good time for it…

PS. hey guys I promise it´s the last time I refer my words to la´turd, I´m new here and I want to hang around so I´m willing to follow the rules.

PS2. I´m not really good on keeping up my promises, specially when the words “last” and “time” are involved on the promise

PS3. I whish I had one!

24 03 2010
ed

a guy that get´s in a line up and yells “Did you fuckers see that? Fuck yeah! Look at me! You’re all a bunch of kooks. I am your KING”

??

24 03 2010
things that make me go hmmmm

wouldn’t it be fuckin WILD if turned out that mark was the lantern?!

you gotta admit that would make him the ALL TIME KING of the aliases.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

24 03 2010
the lantern

I really think you should remove the racist comments from this website. They are most unsavoury

24 03 2010
the lantern

Bad news for all my friends.
In the very near future the lantern is going traveling and won’t be on the internet for quite some time.

i’m sure jamon bagel will miss me ever so much

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
Joe Biden

This a Fucking Big deal!

Lantern shut up

24 03 2010
trauzersnake

@ Lantern-

There’s never a fucking category 5 cyclone when you need one.

24 03 2010
trauzersnake

If Mark is Lantern, somebody please call the looney bin, for fuck sakes.

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@ed 10:41….

This is for you:

http://www.answers.com/topic/satire

Peace & Breakfast,

Hammy

24 03 2010
ed

I think you missed my point…

maybe I should have written “the” guy instead of “a” guy.

got it?

24 03 2010
Knox, Biden, Martinez

Fuck… FUCK… fuck….

Bring on the Bells preview.

24 03 2010
Dave Mailman

JB & EW,

Thank the Laird you guys are here! Too good. Anyway, just back from “Not the Eddie of Snowboarding”, and let me tell you it rocked! Check the footage of Xavier De Le Rue’s winning snowboard line and tell me that wasn’t heavier than Mark’s mom. No offense, Mark! Then watch Candide Thovex in his first time ever on the face. Those two are true champions from whom a few of our “pro” surfer friends could learn a thing or two… No naming names, but they’ve been mentioned in the comment threads from the last couple of posts.

24 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Trauzer,
As much as we love to “hate” Mark, it would be beyond blasphemous to even insinuate that the Master of Many Aliases would stoop to such an base level of inanity…

24 03 2010
trauzersnake

@Dave-

I love Mark. He’s my favorite guy on this site. I just feel bad for him if he is truly that insane.

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Welcome back Brother Postal,

Candide is fucking unbelievable. The guy gets no credit stateside for what a sick man he truly is…

Hope you got some of that white stuff yourself!

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Ed,

Oh, okay. Dense dough today. It happens.

24 03 2010
100!!

May the one we don’t speak of die in a terrible fire.

Or at least get AIDS.

Or, stub is toe very badly.

24 03 2010
Dave Mailman

JB,
Not too many freshies myself. I was working. Here’s the link to check the highlights…. http://freerideworldtour.com/en/

24 03 2010
Dave Mailman

JB,
Not much shredding of the rad for me. Too busy busting lines on the mic. Most of the champs from the last 15 years were there, plus with the action on the mountain, lots of things to keep me babbling… Check the link below for the highlights. Not of my commentary, thank Dane and Laird, but of the riding itself.

http://freerideworldtour.com/en/

24 03 2010
Mike

Don’t any of you guys work?

24 03 2010
Joe Biden

you would be a sad man to comment here off the clock.

24 03 2010
smyrnajeff

101 you cum guzzlin, twat twidlin, lantern lovin, obama worshipin, s.u.v. drivin, left coast leanin, health care hoardin porch monkeys!

24 03 2010
mark

@Mailman

how can you call my mom fat and then just blow it off by sayin “no offense mark”?

bullshit mailman you fuckin CUNT! why don’t you drop by lowers this year and i will fuckin knock your fuckin TEETH OUT!!!! BITCH FUCK!!!!!!!

I am so fucking SICK of you snooty elitist industry goo guzzlers with your left wing “we know whats better for you than you do just TRUST US” bullshit smirks hiding behind your oakley blades and your quiksilver trunks eatin fuckin sushi with Hakman and Hodge and fuckin Kwock at the worlds finest restaurants while people like lantern run wild on the net slinging racist blasts quicker than a parko drop in.

gotta go but i WILL be back DAVE!!!!

24 03 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

…even I was intimidated and confused by that last outburst….

BUT I AM STILL FUCKIN YOKED!!!!!!!!

24 03 2010
Joe Biden

@ mailman

My constiuents are in lines waiting for an expat guide to freedom.

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@ Mike 11:42…

“Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door–that way Lumbergh can’t see me, heh–after that I sorta space out for an hour. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.”

24 03 2010
T

Go check Surfermag.com. After seeing nugable Patterson and crew decided that they should carry it.

@nug, this site is being used by everyone (other surf websites), you better copyright and get yo piece.

24 03 2010
mark

oh yeah DAVE gotta question for you. what is your mom like? is she fuckin FAT? does she have droopy TITS? total gnar v-veins swooping and gliding like a 16 year old jackie dunn joy ridin his sisters 66 falcon along hana fuckin highway?

do you like peope talkin about your family? how about your sister? would you mind if i watched while lantern FUCKED HER? come on mailfuckinMANNNNNNN! BRING IT On you LINT LICKER!!!!!

24 03 2010
G.G.D.K

Whats a “surf shop” these daze.I reckon you can only be called a “surf shop” if it’s within 30mins drive from the coast (and must have atleast 3 surfboards to sell-cos you need them to go surfing appentally).How can a “surf shop” be a 2 to 3 hour drive in land from the coast.Thats why the ‘surf industry’ doesn’t give a fuck about surfers anymore.There making too much cash from westies.Selling the dream to inbred in-landers.
latern has some REAL good points sometimes,
that the common folk seem to miss or don’t want their dream (tour) bubble to break or maybe they are on the gravy train as well…

24 03 2010
dkny

DUH!
Far more trunks are sold inland and have been for a longwhile.

A Quiksilver shirt comes with every muddin truck bought used in Florida. (thanks kelly)

24 03 2010
Vicodin

Mark, you need me. Real bad.

24 03 2010
Faldo

Don’t forget the best deal in town… Two and a Pib $2.99

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ GGDK
Right on sir. You just forgot to put BOYCOTT SURF LABELS at the end of your rant.
After all.Who wants to support child slave labor and mass polluting smoke stacks.

All you people bitching about the lanterns racist this and the lantern that are hypocritical white colonists if they are sporting surf labels. What’s not racist about exploiting little yellow kiddy winks to work for 50 cents a day in china so you can wear your shitty overpriced threads and they can use the excess cash flow to sponsor some spoilt dick pro with a bad attitude such as taj burrow, andy irons or pat gudang.
If you want to surf.GO AND SURF. You don’t need the surf labels crappy stickers and loud logo unfashionable clothing to tell the whole world.

BOYCOTT SURF LABELS

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
peace love and happiness

The Guduaskas family are some of the best people this Lantern infested planet has ever produced.

Supporting the surf industry supports some of our favorite addictions–Watching guys risk their lives for peanuts, girls surfing in bikinis, and the freedom to blog negatively about pro surfers that surf like we do… in our wildest mary jane induced dreams.

It would really suck if the surf industry wasn’t around. All of us would end up spending even more time looking at internet porn, or tasty breakfast sandwiches.

BOYCOTT THE LANTERN

24 03 2010
corpo

hey mailman !

24 03 2010
Vicodin

I am going to take four of me now.

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

In honor of Tiger…

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@Jamon bagel
U hypocritical nightmare of a bagel muncher.
Your last comment is derogatory towards women..it’s sexist and objectifies women as objects. How does that make you any better than the lantern who you accuse of being racist. Really the lantern is not racist at all. He just likes to say outrageous stuff that is taboo to push the limits of free speech.
P/S Your poor work ethic is nothing to be proud of.

Vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ Ed
There are always acceptions to the stereotypes.Congradulations on finding your Jewish soul mate. I hope you enjoyed your nice romantic evening together.
Stop being such a pussy. Follow the rules? It’s a god damn surfing blog for gods sake.Say what you want. Good god man stand up and be a man.

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
the lantern

Here are the lanterns power picks for who will win the round 1 heats.

Heat 1 Dane reynalds
Heat 2 Damien Hobgood
Heat 3 Bobby Martinez
Heat 4 CJ Hobgood
Heat 5 Kelly Slater
Heat 6 Adriano De Souza
Heat 7 Taj Burrow
Heat 8 Mick Fanning
Heat 9 Parko
Heat 10 Bede Durbidge
Heat 11 Jordy Smith
Heat 12 Taylor Knox
Heat 13 Brett Simpson
Heat 14 Dusty Payne
Heat 15 Owen Wright
Heat 16 Dean Morrison

Vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
peace love and happiness

@lantern,
Everything you say is a contradiction to something else you’ve already said.
You want us to boycott surf labels…yet you already have the 1st round heat winners predictions up for the Rip Curl Bells Pro.
Lantern, if you really do surf, you’d know you cant be goofy foot and regular at the same time. Pick a stance and stick to it.

24 03 2010
the lantern

4 in a row again!

vote 1 lantern and recieve a free block of wax

24 03 2010
The lantern

eeeesh lantern.

i came from stab to get away from you and i find your worse than ever.

24 03 2010
Bone an Raized

It’s good to be back on a familiar theme

24 03 2010
Dave Stansfield's larynx

pete mel just said blaspemy rottmouth

green lanter, step up your game dipshit

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Stansfield,

Where is the Condor commentating? And what did he say about me. Errr, Blasphemy Rottmouth?

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ peace,love and happiness.
I beg to differ look at the way dane reynalds did a frontside snap right after his backside varial on his blog.Look at JOB going switch at massive pipe.
Life’s full of contradictions and the lantern is life. The lantern hates surf labels yet enjoys watching the worlds best surfers go head to head. Go figure!
And god damn it man! You ruined my 4 in a row

Vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
Dave Stansfield's larynx

Condor is in HB for Vans pier classic, he said he still loves you and just cause he’s not on the white anymore, he still loves you.

24 03 2010
The Whip

@ the whip (14:56:59)

You are not the real whip, you are a fake whip. You are Rip Curls Fanning not Quiks Slater.

The Whip looks forward to The Lanterns poor spelling and antagonising posts, The Lantern provides many a hearty LOL, I just knew he would be a hit over here on nugable. The Lantern thinks the whip has a small wormlike penis and the whips wife likes riding large black cock. The Lantern is disgusted by the lack of culture and poor morals associated with The Whips home on the Gold Coast.

We do agree on one thing and that is Fanning is a boring world champ. The Whip has concluded that he is a bogan and he is a fuckwad, he is a cunt to surf around and is only too happy to drop in on The Whip and many others. The only people who defend Fannings behaviour are his bogan mates who ride the coat tails of the “champ” or the Rip Curl spin doctors. I have it on good authority that he is indeed fairly simple. If Rip Curl actually made something that wasn’t bogan inspired then I still wouldn’t buy it because of the Fanning factor. Fanning negates all the good work Steph Gilmore does, Steph is a pleasure to watch and full of positive energy.

I agree with Peace love and happiness about the Gudauskus Bro’s. I don’t know them but from what I have seen here on the Gold Coast they are surf mad, easy going and living the dream. They are just always out surfing together no matter what the conditions. They will keep surfing post career because they love it where as I don’t think guys like Fanning will.

24 03 2010
The Whip

Actually I have just worked out Fake Whip is the lantern. Eeeesh.

24 03 2010
Dingh L. Berry

I do not like these got dam sun of a dick Lantern. Why you make racist comments? I own 7-11 and work very hard, pay tax. I can now go to doctor. This is good. If you racist bitch ever come to Oceanside, I will punch you…and kick you out of my store.

FUCK ON YOU, KOOK!!!!

24 03 2010
Wounded Albatross

@ Lantern make that cool water please!

24 03 2010
Barry Dingle

@ Dingh L. Barry I like your name, wanna get a slurpee and talk about how much we hate the flashlight

24 03 2010
Barry Dingle

@ yoked, do you work out?

24 03 2010
Chuck Buckets

You can call me chucky, and if the lantern was paddling out while I was coming down the line, well I’d just have to…

24 03 2010
Chuck Buckets

I once put out a cigarette on the HB pier with the spray from my cutback, true story!

24 03 2010
Chuck Buckets

I think The Lantern is Chas Smith, lttle faggot.

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I once chucked buckets after 750ml of Scotch followed by 4 burrito supreme’s from Taco Bell and a ride on a helicopter in CAT-3 hurricane winds.

24 03 2010
Mike

Very funny Marky 1635.

Raining mad right now and not a single telecast about “Storm Watch 2010” on either of two stations. Funny what passes for news when Money runs the station. No war coverage and fearful weather reports.

Anyone suggesting that Jamon isn’t working on company time needs to understand that breakfast is served only until 11:30 weekdays. Time to put that 10 mil to use Bagel.

Where’s Elwood?

Before I go, I have to at least insult or prod the Mailman once…. Sorry Dave, things are going too well to pull out the ASP vinegar. Funny how good surf makes life so much easier.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ the whip
I must admit i may have misjudged you sir. Your comment regarding mr fanning shows u may have opened your eyes to the truth! Congratulations!
I”m becoming quite the popular one here on nugable.They seem to think i’m some sort of racist but really i just like to stir up the hornets nest by letting the racist cat in amongst the PC pidgeons. Once more i’m not a racist i’m an anti-PC crusader who believes strongly in freedom of speech. The lantern says all these do gooder pricks like making a mountain out of a mole hill and people should be able to say what they want when they want.

can i count on your vote mr whip? i’m offering a free block of wax

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
mark

once again not me mikey.

just took a long lunch and watched ponto glistening in the afternoon sun with sweet little runners. a beautiful past time surfing is. i love it.

24 03 2010
the lantern

Your all discriminating against me for being a lantern.
A lantern is a rare breed.
There fore you are discriminating against a minority group
You racist hypocrites.

One love

lantern

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ mark
watching porn. You my friend just made baby jesus cry.
That is also degrading to women and man kind in general.

won’t somebody please think of the children

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
mark

I quit. Sorry Nug.

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@mark,

If I can get Condor to give you a shout out during the contest tomorrow, will you come back?

24 03 2010
peace love and happiness

@lantern
You are the type of person that would murder baby jesus in the name of lantern to ensure your rule.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ peace love and happiness
Now Now, that doesn’t sound like the earth child you make yourself out to be with your hippy name. You sound like an angry young man lashing out at poor old lantern.

Now whose the contradictive one????

You are!

love for all gods creatures

lantern

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ mark
Don’t quit! jesus loves u.
The lantern and enoch ward want u to hang around to.
Sure you might have your flaws but your a good fellow at heart.

redemption lantern

24 03 2010
mark

@enoch ward

if you can get lantern to check into fleahab i will come back.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ mark
I believe it was just a couple of days ago that you said you like me.
Whatever your mad about jesus would be very happy if you forgave me.
If jesus can forgive your porno hand party i’m sure he expects you to give others the same opportunity.

hell hath no fury like a women scorned

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
Dingh L. Berry

the lantern=jism ash can……Got dam sun ofa dick!!!! get the fuck out of my store you whole-ass motherfucker!!!!!!

24 03 2010
the lantern

don’t be such a dingle berry

and learn how to spell

24 03 2010
sheapez

Jamon Bagel 20:09:21: Wise words we must all attempt to live by.
The future of Nugable is in your hands.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@Sheapez
Or you could just embrace the lanterns shining light.
The lantern is not racist and has realised you simple minded folk don’t comprehend racially off beat humour so he’s moving on to other topics.
On the plus side you only have to ‘put up with me’for a little while longer and then i’ll be away from the internet for quite some time. Hollow reef slabs await!

You are but a lamb and i embrace you into my fold

vote 1 lantern for god

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@mark,

I have no idea who you are talking about.

24 03 2010
the lantern

@ eunuch wog.
don’t be coy old mate. it’s your old mate lantern who u asked what dinosaurs he enjoys just the other day.
When are you goin to get back to your good old self and start writing cunts off?
Your take on owen wright was priceless.

Anyone else keen to see a rematch between owen and kelly?

backside vs frontside

young vs old

blond vs brunette…well bald.

tall vs short

a battle fit for a gentleman!

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
sheapez

Chas Smith reply to Mick Fanning cut and pasted from Stabmag.com.

The events of Saturday night, December 12, have taken on an apocryphal glow. I had been invited to Mick Fanning’s celebration at the Rip Curl house by Rip Curl’s international media manager Dane Sharp. I was introduced to surfing journalist Tim Baker. Tim and I talked for some time. He explained to me that he did not enjoy what I did. Said that it was too negative and the point of surfing is a positive communal experience. He also did not like that I had written that Mick Fanning was boring and asked if I had ever met Mick. I answered no. He told me that Mick is a great guy and I should meet him. Mick was standing near and alone. Tim went over and I followed. Mick was angry and called me a fucking Jew. I was dragged out of the house by security.

I wrote the story. It was published in Stab, the same issue which included a glowing report on Mick’s world title run titled The Secrets of a Champion. The story was not sensationalized. It was not put on the cover. It was not put on the web. It would have been easy to stir up controversy right away but that was not the intent. The intent was to share a true moment that happened on the North Shore. A snapshot.

I don’t know why Mick called me a fucking Jew but I would have written whatever he called me, or said to me. I did not bait him. I did not catch him off guard, I was not looking to shamelessly destroy an icon. He was not being ironic. It has been said that I should have known that Mick was not happy with me, but I have no idea who is not happy with me. It is not something I think about.

The Australian media picked the story up six weeks after the issue hit the stands and a maelstrom ensued, general perception being that Mick was drunk and ignorant and I was malicious. I was not malicious. I told the story truthfully, including Mick’s language. It was a story because it happened and because it is rare in this surf industry to find anything real. If nobody ever tells a true story what is the point? What is the point?

Frankly, I have a strong and personal attachment to the Jewish community. I have traveled through Israel while studying in the Middle East and witnessed firsthand both the strength and tenacity of the Jewish people. I have been every¬where from Eilat to Kiryat Shmona. I have seen the daily hardships that arise from being a persecuted minority. I was, in fact, in Jerusalem when a suicide bomber detonated himself on an Egged bus, killing all aboard. The senselessness of this act, the sadness, I will carry forever. I did not re-print Mick Fanning’s words to incite and anger, or to heap an unnecessary amount of vitriol on an extremely tender issue. But I could also not ignore what he said. – Charlie Smith

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I dropped this response off at the Chas sob fest this evening at Stab:

“I do not fault you for reporting this incident, dear Charles. We reap what we sow.

Many of us just find it amusing that you were chosen by destiny to be the lightening rod for this particular racial issue. First Jed. Now you. I fear for the next Derek Reilly article. Your collusive delusion led to an illusion that resulted in this desperate diffusion.

Eventually, all the “ironic hipster faux comedy” nonsense will catch up to anyone with enough latte’s in them to bloat a blimp. It’s a medical fact.

Even for you, dearest Charles.

Ironically, without your past history at Likebitchin, this would have blown over like the air that sails through Jed’s ears. Alas, you built this house on a foundation filled with too much fly ash and are merely reaping the dopey seeds have sown in rice-cake fascist love stories. You will survive. But the noose has tightened.

Almost as tight as Jed’s asshole.

(I will post this comment elsewhere, so feel free to delete this in the name of poppycockery).”

…at least you will be able to read it here.

I do applaude Chas for not backing down with reporting the events. That is his job and his unalienable right. The rest, speaks for itself.

Whhheeeeeeeee!

25 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

… and his CT ‘reporting’ still sucks as bad as anything ever written on the ASP….

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

The fact that Tim Baker is involved further nuances a story that already has built more momentum than Mark’s mother walking down a flight of four stairs.

24 03 2010
Mike

Contest tomorrow? Yeah, that’s the call…… oooppppsssss, you mean Bells eh?

That’s like aspiring to the fat chick at the end of the bar, only to get dumped for her “ugly” sister in a foul mood.

Wake me up when Taj claims his second and the Aussie self wag machine goes off the charts celebrating another title (parko). Then, after David Mailman’s 3 month hiatus, the tour will reconvene and Kelly or Mick will finish out the season and win at Pipe because the other loses to Flynn Novack in a 4th round heat!!!!!!!

Gotta love it.

24 03 2010
Mike

Chas wrote a story that had a weird catharsis and felt it necessary to defend his objectivity. If he were not such superficial moron, he would’ve have had credibility and his defense would become superfluous.

I do take exception to his inclusion of a Jewish state as being the eternal victims. One suicided bomber reflects oppression from the enemy that Israel herds in an open air prison and saturation bombs with American planes and American bombs. This country also receives ridiculous financial aid from the US, has infiltrated the highest organizations in the US Military and banking consortiums. Hardly the victims they play themselves out to be.

Fanning was a temporary idiot saying stupid bullshit. He probably saw Chas’ hair and figured the fag needed a come down. Bad decision, but Rip Curls problem not mine.

Fuck Rip Curl anyway. All the surf corpo’s actively fight against OUR best surfing interest and it’s pretty sad that the only “journo” willing to question Money is a flaming non surfer who is too busy with the scene to understand the surfing.

Wow, contradictory motivations are the industries only independent offering, the sign of a sinking ship.

27 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP ( loudly, heartily ). but why the need to call anybody the homosexual equivalent of “nigger”, even chas smith? leave that to ‘the lantern’. you totally nailed it with moron– why dip into douchebag level with the king douchebag ” journalist himself ? how about ‘cock smooch’ instead ? name certainly fits ….

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Big suprise. I leave one comment, and now they turn off the comment button all together.

Mike, pass me a doob.

24 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@shea

Thanks for clearly delineating your cut/paste posting. Mailman, see how he did that?

And I should clarify to Mike that my job description was lifted from the film Office Space, as was my tribute to Tiger. I am sure most of you picked up on that right away, but it being harvest time in NZ, Mike’s recall might not be razor sharp.

Water’s up to 42 degrees here, and I am thinking of switching to the 5mil gloves. Life is good.

24 03 2010
SHE

I would comment further, regretfully, I live in fear of stepping in a pile of shit larger than Mark’s mother.

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

C’mon Shea, step it up and put forth your thoughts. What’s the worst that could happen??

24 03 2010
sheapez

I’m a lover not a fighter, just so happens I disagree with so much I see. If I had all the answers, I would offer my thoughts more freely. So for now, I will gladly take a backseat to those far more educated than me.

BTW- My Brother just destroyed his heat in Tasmania!!!

24 03 2010
The Nug

Cory may have destroyed because I finally tested the Lopez flip flops. Good Karma. They have a dirty drugstore vibe without the blisters.

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@shea,

Tasmania was goin’ orrrff today.

In light of recent events here, it would take catastophic failure of the English language to not make some sense. You sir, have nothing to fear.

Besides, a little heckling never hurt no one.

Except for PeterPerfect. He’s so gay, Elton John refused to wipe with his face – declaring that Pete was ‘too dainty and soft.’

24 03 2010
Enoch Ward

And yes, ^^ that was turribull joke.

24 03 2010
Occys underbite

This was a stroke of marketing genius by the boys at Stab. Well written and not apologetic. Puts Micks shithouse excuse for a press release in stark contrast. Taking the high ground and defending truth in print is world class. Hahaha. Bravo.

24 03 2010
concerned

@ sheapez – there’s a lot of sheep in tasmania. You could have a sexy incestuous barnyard party with your bro!
In regards to that article from stab chaz is way smarter than mick fanning and that whole article had him looking like a bed of roses and fanning looking like the drunken yobbo he always is when eugene appears. Unfortunately for Chaz anyone familiar with his writings will know he is a superficial twat that only cares about himself, status and fashion issues, or should i say fascist issues.So they will see through the article as a cover up to make him look good and fanning look bad. At the end of the day. Who cares what fanning said. The media are just having a big beat up over nothing as usual.
where you at whip? Come and chuck your 2 cents worth in old mate.

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
The Nug

I may be crazy but you guys are insane.

Oftentimes comedy is the best remedy to bring colliding forces together.

Stay tuned for the Inaugural Nugable Racial Surfing Draft™. (with apologies to Dave Chapelle). It will be bigger than Fantasy Surfer and the web page will actually work.

25 03 2010
Mike

What about Ask Nug?

Shea has proven to be a good sport, but he’s too into the mix to rock any boats…. especially staring down “retirement”. Corporate contraction is an evil reality to those not necessarily contending for a world title.

The reality is, Billabong employees were rooting for Fanning last December. Things that make you go hmmmmm…..

25 03 2010
sheapez

@Enoch Ward and @Mike

I am very fortunate to still have the backing necessary to pursue my childhood dreams. The companies/people that support me, “let me be me”, I love the penguin movie Surf’s Up. Which brings me to the point; I’m a father, a husband, and a public figure. Everyone on here is fairly anonymous, except Mailman. I must be accountable for everything I type, just as the world champ must be accountable for everything he says. So, in some cases, it’s better I bite my tongue rather than bite the hand that feeds.

I’ve never picked a fight, always stood up for what I feel is right, and like being able to share a little Sheasight on @nugs website.

I’m off now to enjoy this beautiful Spring day in Fl. by taking the family out fishing on my boat ❤ peace love and happiness

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Sorry, but if Chas went to Israel and saw the Jews as a ‘persecuted minority’, it’s time for me to resurrect Fake Charlie Smith.

25 03 2010
the lantern

@peter perfect

I think that’s exactly what you should do. Bring it!

25 03 2010
America

Lantern,

What you dont understand about America is everything is made in China/thailand/etc… Its not just Surf Clothes.

Walk into America’s favorite store WALMART ( or at least look at the website PEOPLE OF WALMART) and you will find the only thing made in America are the underpaid employees.

Corporations have outsourced almost every production job in this country. The businesses that chose to stay behind cannot compete due to the salaries Unions deamand.

and stop putting Vote Lantern on every post. Its a waste of time, many Americans dont vote and the ones that do are saving every vote for SEPT.

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Sheapez,

I understand. But nothing would prevent you from using a name like ParkerPerfect or Magnum Meatwhistle that are, like, totally anonymous. Then you could tell us all what Lyndie Irons looks like when she’s naked.

I’ve heard about those orgies you guys have on tour.

Don’t lie now.

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ america
It’s the same in australia. More and more products are being sent off to china for manufacturing.Even iconic Australian products. I just concentrate on the surf labels because it’s a surfing forum.

maybe i should change to

bow down and worship your new king lantern

@ enoch ward. If you want to see lyndie naked just turn up at her crib when Andy tan is out on tour with a bag of coke and she’s all yours.

25 03 2010
Fidel

Looks like Mark got rid of Dave Mailman for awhile.

Kind of a gnarly comment he made about Dave’s sister but I know Mark and he really isn’t a bad amigo. It seems this Lantern guy has him and everyone else on edge.

Hopefully Lantern will get eaten by a big shark while on his surf trip. Then things should mellow out.

25 03 2010
Scrotie mcboogerballs

I just lit my bong with a lantern…..

25 03 2010
Scrotie mcboogerballs

@ lantern…You should do a lantern facebook so you can piss people off 24 7 except I use my real name so people can really take swings or spit on me in public,maybe you should try doing that too (and don’t even pull that ” I wanna take a swing and spit at you” BS,beat you too it) and cory fucking rips

25 03 2010
OriginalJud

Dingh L. Berry- dude Im still laughing, funniest shit in this whole thread

the lantern- count me in as a lantern fanboy, I was glad to see him appear here

I been down to Brazil many times over the last 15 years as i married a Brasileira.
They manufacture all their own cheap chinese shit- everything in their big box stores is Made in Brasil. The way the USA used to do back in the day- we manufactured shit and people had jobs and the economy churned. Now its only the banks and the corporate conglomerates hoarding cash.

My brother in law just rolled in the other day and brought me a brand spanking new pair of Havaiannas World Cup USA editions. yeah boyeee

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Mark,

Did you hear Pete Mel this morning? Boo-ya!

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

We learned that the Condor prefers the T-Rex due to its low center of gravity. I would counter that T-Rex’s arms are too short, thus, making rail grabs and gnarly windmills when recovering from bogged lip bashes far more difficult.

But who am I to judge such things?

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ original judd. Brazil has their fair share of chinese products but they do have a lot more home made trash for the plebs to purchase.I guess it’s more affordable to employ factory workers in brazil because while their wage is way ahead of a chinese factory worker it’s still pretty damn low! Lifes tough in brazil if your not rich.The divide between rich and poor there is bigger than marks boner after he reads about the land of milk and honey in ye ol book.
Thanks for the support and let me congratulate you on choosing your wife from the finest collection of females on gods green earth.

lantern power

25 03 2010
Elwood

@ Mike…. I’m around.. like to say I’m chillin but this blog has been anything but mellow…. got my gal in town this week so backin off the Nug a bit.

@ Lantern… You are much better without the racial “humor” and the shorter comments work much better too. Been there… done that with the racial humor and it’s a dead end… loosing battle and you end up lookin like a tard in the end…. just the way it is mate.

@ Mark… Feel your pain on the healthcare BS… but tone it down a bit… it can’t really be that bad can it?

RE: Bells. It’s gonna be Kelly, Bede, or Taj. Jordy and Dane don’t get past the quarters and the new crew gets spanked… more by conditions then comp’s. Goofies and F..ked. That wave is usually a mess and maintaining consistency from round to round is the whole game.

25 03 2010
Wait for it..

Uh, huh huh huh…

25 03 2010
100!!

Anyone posting after this smells like Mark’s mom.

25 03 2010
201

Didn’t u mean to say 200 mr 100

25 03 2010
201

@ Elwood……You had a crack at the racial humour to. What happened there?

25 03 2010
Mike

The only thing wrong with Health Care is they didn’t push uni single payer Elwood. Never even tried. Money won’t allow it. A failure packaged as historic win.

Sheasight….. you better trademark that SL, sounds good. Candor is nothing to fear and can be rendered objectively.

That is another issue with a “bro” industry. Any critique is reacted to as if an attack on the revenue streams already humming when it can just be an obvious observation. Similar to the Republican “War President” suggesting any criticism is treason….. to Money.

The surf media is so insulated by it’s advertisers, it becomes mute.

25 03 2010
America

Blasphemy is have a 3some webchat with MEL AND COTE Right now….

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Amarkica,

I Mark a shout out on the Vans Pro this morning. Cote and Condor are riffing. I told them I lived on a whaling boat – constantly searching for the ever illusive Mark’s mom. **chortle**

25 03 2010
things that make me go hmmmm

Does Mike even have time to surf down in Kiwi Land with all of the comments he is nailing on Nugable? Get out there and get barreled kook!

And when, pray tell, does the Lantern leave on his trip? And how long will he be gone?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

25 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

“Illusive” eh?

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Eunech ward cant spell.

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

*sigh*

Aye. She is but an illusion. I be sailin’ yon waters fer many a year matey, with nary a glimpse of her wenchiness. Me plank yearns for her bearded blowhole – yet she haunts me dreams, barking “Avast ye yeller-bellied scoundrel, AVAST!!”

Yarrrrrrgh.

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Illusive = Deceptive.

At least in English.

Forgive me for not speaking Lantern.

25 03 2010
Spelling Nazi

I believe you meant “Eunuch” Ward, Mr. Perfect.

That Lantern fellow is turning you all into retards. Be strong, men.

25 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

I know, it’s just that “elusive” would have worked so well there.

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Spelling Nazi, that was irony you fucking americano twat.

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

*bows head, walks away in shame*

25 03 2010
Spelling Nazi

Would that be Chas Smith irony, or Mick Fanning irony?

Or regular irony?

25 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Irony is a foreign concept on these boards, my friend.

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Spelling Nazi, Mick Fanning thinks irony is one of the essential vitamins in his breakfast cereal.

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

And yes, I know that ‘iron’ is a mineral, not a vitamin. See what I did there americanos? Irony. It’s good for you. Now go and watch three to the beach in crappy onshore pier.

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Mick Fanning presses his shirts on an irony board.

25 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

For the record, I have boatloads of respect for Sheapez, both his surfing and his attitude.

Me, personally, I would crap my boardies if faced with large Chopes. Wish I could claim otherwise, but it just aint true. The sound alone must be unbelievable at that place.

At size, it goes so far beyond what I ever even imagined a wave could look like…awesome in the real sense of the word. I remember watching footage of the ASP guys before they paddled out at an early comp there, and Taj was fucking PALE GREEN before his heat. He looked like he wanted to cry.

I would love to hear more honest takes on what it is really like, mentally, to drop that ledge.

25 03 2010
AI

I prefer a line of meth mixed with gunpowder off slaters dick!!

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Dear Jamon Bagel, you do realize where Taj grew up, right? Not only does the Margs area have freakin’ huge waves (and a left-hander where a contest will never be held because the locals will slit the throats of competitors the night before competition begins – why do you think they surf crappy Margs main break?), but several scary left-handers up the coast of WA that take the gonads of a t-rex to take off on. And did I mention white pointers?
You don’t have to worry about Taj’s balls because he’s new school. Look more towards the east coast and the Gold Coast in particular for that. If you get my drift…

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ jamacian bagel. I always knew you where a pussy.haha.u’ve probably never left the 2 foot dribble at your local shitbreak.

25 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

PP,

I am absolutely not calling Taj a pussy. What I am saying is that place fucking scared him…as it would scare any normal human being because it is was so much heavier than anything that had been seen up to that point (maybe I am wrong about this…any commment Sheapz?).

Ultimately, Taj and most of the rest sacked up and went… And that is what I want to know more about. What it feels like mentally to paddle out, paddle in, and step off on a set wave at real Chopes.

25 03 2010
the lantern

What about eunuch warts role playing speech? I expect the guys spent a bit of time in pay per view webcam sites appeasing his role playing fetish.
Have u been to the Philippines eunuch? U could hook yourself up the real deal for the same price as one of your chat shows. just sayin*

*nug trademark

Lantern rips

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ jamon bagel. Tane beeblebub might not be a pussy but he sure as hell knows his way around an underage pussy like the back of his hand.
Lock up your daughters victoria.The horny office man is coming to town!

25 03 2010
Mike

Bagel, I panicked at medium chopes, alone, paddled in and straight to the airport… haunted me for several years. Never had seen a wave do that and it freaked me out. Duck diving was a lesson in mass velocity. To see what these guys are doing 20 years later is amazing.

Big and windy here Mark, had a gnarly paddle and a few that didn’t push too wide, but the weather right now is fucked. Seeing as you are all egoed out about chest high ponto on a longboard, I’ll take your best swing, but you would have had NO chance today…. although you may be big enough to duck dive hour long sets on a 10’6″, 4 inch thick piece of gloss coated shit.

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Oh Hammy, “I am absolutely not calling Taj a pussy.”
Your honour, may I present exhibit A:
“He looked like he wanted to cry.”

hamon nada

oh, lantern wanting to burn bright, it’s just your penis when you urinate that’s burning tonight

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

mike, someone who shall remain nameless running one of the first contests there told me he wanted to call off a round because he thought that there was enough medical assistance to cope. no shame there

25 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

P,

Is it really that hard to understand? That the dude was scared and still went? Fuck, I am crying right now, just because your stupidity makes me so sad.

-JB

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I would never surf Chopes. But I would watch from the safety of the channel whilst clad in a life-preserver, snorkel and water wings… just in case. One can never be too careful these days.

Come to think of it, I would treat Chopes the same way I would treat a date with Mark’s mother.

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

PeterPerfect is gayer than the squirrels that gather nuts outside Clay Aiken’s Springtime hillside retreat.

(First hand account of said squirrels provided by Jamie O’Brien)

25 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Mike,

Those epic paddles always pay off in the long run. Whatever doesn’t kill you…

Hope it cleans up soon.

As for Chopes, I found Pipe to be heavy enough. As heavy as I want to go, but as it’s been revealed around here lately, I am a pussy.

Fair enough.

25 03 2010
sheasight

Back from fishing; no fish but some sweet lobsters for the grill.
@jamon bagel
Paddling in at Teahupoo is like nowhere else on the planet. That first year, when Cory got all those bombs, EVERYBODY was shitting their pants. Honestly, I’m scared shitless of big teahupoo…as everyone should be. If you’re not prepared to die, then you shouldn’t be out there. I remember the handful of truly big waves I rode out there like it was yesterday…what did I do yesterday? Thinking about it, I remember those waves a lot better than what I did yesterday.
GREEN, sitting only 20 feet away from the pit, in a tiny boat, inhaling gas fumes all day will turn anyone GREEN.
Taj might not be Kelly or AI in the big stuff, but he’ll give it his best shot every time.
There’s a ton of examples out there of big wave surfers also being drug addicts. A likely reason for the assimilation of these two groups- The rush and experience you get from big waves is a drug, and a very addictive one, one that you never know when your next fix is coming. Substitutes for this feeling must be found. Drugs are the only way for some to keep the mind and body going until their next big wave fix. “Only A Surfer Knows The Feeling”…”Only A Drug Addict Needs The Feeling”

25 03 2010
The Nug

Somtimes there is gold in them there hills and this is a perfect example. Nice #11.

25 03 2010
201

@ jamon bagel
Do your tears smell like bagels? You really are a big sook.Have a panadol, on me.

The lantern rips.If the lantern went to Chopes he would be hijacking Dorians jet ski,riding solo into a 20 foot bomb then stepping off on to the board he ‘borrowed’ off ramoa, leaving the ski to it’s own devices whilst he proceeding to acid drop into the barrel of the decade and make the cover of the first issue of nuggable magazine when it goes to print.

Heroic lantern

25 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@EW,

Some of us are aware that you have surfed the place. I believe you once referred to it as easy. But was it big?

And by big I mean big. I mean like Marks mom big. (laird forgive me)

25 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Shealobster

Thanks for insight. That is how I would imagine it…and a good point on the addiction analogy. The rush after getting spit out of one of those things has got to be borderline overwhelming and last for days…no drug I can think of would match it.

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

No, hamon nada, you’re crying because you’re a fucking pork product on a bagel and you have an identity crisis. There’s your *irony*.

I could have a freaking car accident, be declared brain dead and still be 100 IQ points above your repetitive, obnoxious, self-referential ass. Let me guess, you’re a first year English lit loser. Laird, I used to hate you assholes. As students.

Eunuch, Clay Aiken? Liberace? Yes, and *I’m* gay.

25 03 2010
The Nug

Mom?

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Caught out again! Oh Nug, what a lovely bunch of followers you have, son. What *is* that smell in the basement?

25 03 2010
The Nug

I heard Fake Chas might be writing a Bells Preview? Did you hear that Peter?

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

I’d love to, but I’m fucking swamped with my actual cushy job of not doing much at all. I’m snowboarding by day and drinking and putting shit on the fucking bacon bagel at night while watching wannabe fanndroid fascists try to get on the ‘dream tour’.

Seriously Nug, does Fanndroid actually understand Tool? He just reacts to the way the music makes his pee pee jiggle, right?

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Lol @ Nug 15:07

My mom taught English for a while as well.

Maybe that’s why we’re all a bunch of repressed, half-drunk assholes.

*calls upstairs*

“Supper’s ready?! I’ll be right up mom.”

Brb.

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ eunuch wart
Ye gods man. Your role playing online with your mommy? Your one sick puppy old mate.Somebody send a hooker to this mans house stat! Before he goes insane for lack of vagine.

Helpful lantern

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

“Taj might not be Kelly or AI in the big stuff, but he’ll give it his best shot every time.” Hear that ham sandwich? I agree that he doesn’t have the style in the big stuff, but he *knows* the big stuff. No-one in WA doubts his cajones.

25 03 2010
the lantern

Sounds like Peter Perfect isn’t very considerate of the jewish community. Or the muslims for that matter.The constant use of the word bacon could really offend their senses. Don’t you think about other peoples feelings before you post?
You sound like you are an alcoholic.That’s not very perfect! Your liver must be screaming.
Fanning is not a fascist he’s just a drunken yobbo that was angry and said the first offensive thing that popped into his alcohol hazed mind. If you want to offend or shock people a little racism in the mix works a charm. Doesn’t mean you actually are racist or a fascist. Do what u have to do to achieve your objectives!

I say put a pair of gloves on fanning and chaz and let them duke it out! Danny green the little mongrel can be the ref !

Satisfaction demanded lantern

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Dear ‘the lantern’ (and this is the last time I’ll ever write ‘the lantern’) fuck off back to Qld where they have no internet. Or colour television.

Yours,

Practically everyone who posts here.

25 03 2010
hahahaha

Have a look at the Tasmania comp online right now. Pottz keeps looking at the other announcer like he has two heads.

25 03 2010
the lantern

It’s bad use of English to write ”dear the lantern’
It would be better if your wrote something like ‘Dear lord of the universe lantern”
You say your perfect but your so uneducated you don’t even know the basic rules of English. Maybe you have should joined Nug when he was in a year 6 special ED exchange program in Australia to learn the alphabet because the American education system is lagging so far behind the rest of the first world countries.

King Lantern

P/S I’m not from qld and I doubt you’ve ever been to WA .Your knowledge of the area sounds like the half comprehending opinion of a learning to surf Swede who is scared of reef breaks.

25 03 2010
sheapez

Anybody still getting the feed from Tasmania?

25 03 2010
sheapez

Anybody still getting the feed from Tasmania? If so, anyone know how Cory’s doing?

25 03 2010
Bondi sucks

The scores were down all day. Even on the beach the competitors didn’t know them. Cory’s heat looked close. Wardos looked even closer. Hope they both got through.

25 03 2010
Bondi sucks

Never mind they both got 3rd

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

The order of these comments is tripping me out. All of a sudden, a bunch of new comments showed up.

Additionally, I can’t feel my face.

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ eunuch wart. i found your elusive whale. She’s hiding out on the home page at demon factory

25 03 2010
Reevis Taylor

Yo lanteen…..what up bitch….think that shit’s cute mothafucka. What yo cracker white ass don’t realize is that 400 years of slavery and being held back by the man build up a LIFETIME A HATE!!!!! MOTHAFUCKAA!!! Bring your european-ass, debtor prison, potato famine, digeradoo lookin’ cracka ass to the west coast and we’ll let your lily bitch ass know what time it is sucka!!!

BIAAATCH!!!!

tha duece here….what up???

25 03 2010
Reevis Taylor

@Enoch Ward-

Man, that’s your name for real??? shit. DAMN YO DADDY MEAN!!!!
I bet you and that crocodile dundee motherfucker could play REAL NICE. two little white cocktail weenees and shit. HAHAHAHAH!

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Sheapez,

It does not appear as though your brother surfed today. Looks like they held things off for a day. Besides, everyone knows the sheezy is at the Vans Pier Pro In HB.

Right?

Ehhhhh… right?

25 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Reevis,

This is not my real name, per se. It’s just the name your mother screams out every time she has an orgasm…

25 03 2010
Reevis Taylor

Man, my momma don’t have no orgasms…..SHE JUST HAS KIDS BITCH!!!! Besides……ain’t nobody named “Enoch Ward”……Maybe just the milkman Ennis Ward, from Watts, back in the day. Stupid ass bitch.

25 03 2010
Reevis Taylor

“I once knew this white bitch named enoch ward…

his comments on the blog was perfect english and raw…

he sucked dick like muthafuckin’ lockjaw…”

BIAATCHHH!!!!!

25 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Guys, I’ll be back when you get rid of the semi-literate 25W light bulb. Seriously, he’s either the Carrol brother who can’t surf or Lewis Samuels after a stroke. Or he could be Jed after a cup of coffee…later

25 03 2010
the lantern's inner spirit

I’m a tosser. I’ll go now.

25 03 2010
the lantern

These comments have gone crazy

@ reevis. Your kind of funny but i have to say.Only in cali could u find a surfer that talks like a gang banger from the bronx.I also share your hatred for the man! As a wealthy white land owner i choose not to work but the man still takes to many god damn tax dollars!
@peter perfect. Don’t quit on my behalf.QUittings imperfect and you wouldn’t want to seem like a hypocrite now would you. Your whining and bitching entertains me.Keep it up.
@ DAvid Mailman. I saw a photo of you! YOu have an admirable percentage of grey in your beard.If you grew it out you could become an amazing dirty old wizard!

200kw lantern……….so much light to shed

25 03 2010
the lantern

Does anyone want to be friends with me?

I like long walks on the beach and reading by lantern light.

25 03 2010
Mike

No Nug, they only teach the boys the alphabet because the girls in 6th grade are all out on pregnancy leave….

25 03 2010
Mike

Now that’s priority…. I post a response to Nug and WordPress realizes my stature and elevates me above our esteemed moderator.

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ nug

Can i write an article for you to post on your amazing website?

journalist lantern

25 03 2010
CaliGirl

Hi everyone! Did you miss me?

My lawyers told me to lay off the comments for awhile ever since it came out that I was one of Tiger Woods mistresses. Can you say “golden showers” in the “golden state”? I can! I also learned a phrase called “hole in one”!

Anyway now that I have some coin I am flying down to Bells to cheer for Taylor Knox. Go Carlsbad!!!

P.S. The Lantern is awesome! I hope I see him down in Oz. We can sink some V.B.’s and post together!

Also you guys need to lay off Mark’s mom. I had dinner recently with her and Mark at Tip Top in Carlsbad. She is a great lady and let me tell you she can take down a tri tip quicker than Kekoa Bacalso can request three scoops of mac salad on his plate lunch!

G Day Mates!

25 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Peter Perfectly Dense 15:32…

…I will try one last time. Try to find where I said Taj was a pussy, or not solid in big surf. You can’t cause I didn’t. What I said was that he looked pretty fuckin spooked (and who wouldn’t be at that place?). And then he paddled out anyway and dropped into the heaviest wave on the planet. That is the very definition of cajones, my angry friend.

Now back to my 10-page essay on Wordsworth…

25 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@EW…

…I see what you were doing there. Funny way to entertain yourself when things get slow…

25 03 2010
CaliGirl

Oh yeah one more question for the Lantern.

Do you live in Sydney? I have always wanted to drink a beer with Simon Anderson at the Antler Pub in Narrabeen. Maybe you can take me there after I cruise on up from Torquay?

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ cali girl
Sorry to disappoint. i don’t drink alcohol so i won’t be joining you for a drink.
the lantern certainly does not live in sydney.The most horrible rat race of a city that harbors the capital of bad trends and cafe mincing latte sippers which is bondi.
Are you some sort of professional groupie? or a global stalker? Your tenacity impresses me.
Good luck in bagging your man which ever one your after but don’t bother trying with tane beeblebub unless your underage. He likes them fresh.Stay clear of Jordan smyth.The rumour in the mill is that he has lice.If your a milf stay away from deano.He WILL eat your baby. If great danes ranga is not on the scene maybe hit him up.He’s been a good boy or so he says but that gets boring for everyone after a while.You also share an alcoholic love of beer so maybe you can bond over a vb or go on a date to an AA meeting together.Who says romance is dead?

Cupid lantern

25 03 2010
the lantern

@ jamacian bagels

Seeing as we’ve both been ripping on peter imperfect does that mean we are friends now?
I’m having a bbq on saturday if you want to come and toast some bagels to accompany all the kosher grinds

25 03 2010
CaliGirl

So is that a firm no?

25 03 2010
Brown dirt Cowboy

I thought this was an Elton John Gay fan club website.

Sorry. I won’t be back.

25 03 2010
Mike

How can you suggest that Taj is a pussy Jamon?!

Wow Mark, I love the Tip Top…. have a french dip for me.

Did anyone see George Bush wipe his hand off Bill Clintons shirt after shaking a Haitians hand? Funny stuff that old monkey gets into.

Surfed next to a dude today riding an Elwood…. google the shaper Elwood and I’ll score you a t shirt. I asked him if he was ever on Nugable between sets. He said his girlfriend is visiting and he hasn’t been on line, but he didn’t deny it.

26 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Mike….That is the last straw. I quit!!!

26 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

OK, I’m back.

26 03 2010
the lantern

@ jaded bagel.You remind me of Slater always talking about quitting yet always coming back for more.Only difference is Slater has talent.

Observant lantern

26 03 2010
Mystery Solved

Gollum lived on a small island in the centre of a lake at the roots of a mountain. He survived on cave fish, which he caught from his small boat, and small goblins who strayed too far from the stronghold of the Great Goblin. Over the years, his eyes adapted to the dark and became ‘lamp-like’, shining with a sickly pale light in the dark…

26 03 2010
Joel Patterson Vagina

Do to the fact that i cant help but touch myself when i see mick fanning i have decided to pull the Race blog from the site. (that and rip hurl said i wouldnt get my new mirage trunks (Aka Emperors robe)

26 03 2010
skud

when will the lantern learn that Jamaican is not spelled “jamacian”?

26 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Fidel,
Mark, the Master of Many Aliases, didn’t scare me away. The internet mysteriously cut out here at the house after my last post, and has only now started to work again. Everyone at France Telecom insists that there was no problem with the internet connection nor with the wifi box, and I had full bars on my computer signal but an eternally loading blank page on the screen. I can only assume that Mark and/or his mother are closet practitioners of voodoo and put a transatlantic hex on my Mac.

Mark,
I don’t have a sister. My 72 year old mother still runs 10 miles a day, so for someone her age, not much to poke fun at it the physical fitness category. But let’s call a truce. Just between us, we’ll use a common French rule of thumb to getting along better in the future: No talking politics, religion or personal finances. And I’ll even throw in: No picking on mothers. Although a few Frenchmen may protest!
One question though. Why do you get so bent out of shape when I take a crack at your mom, and nary a peep is to be heard from you when she cops abuse from the flower child or the commenter formerly known as Blasphemy Rottmouth?!? Hmmmmmmm!?! Pray tell dear sir.

26 03 2010
Dave Mailman

And I’m glad someone finally deduced the answer to the enigma…

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Speaking of which, I saw Mark’s mom breach just outside the lineup at the Vans Pier Pro a moment ago.

True story.

Just ask Pete Mel.

26 03 2010
Dave Mailman

CaliGirl,
Play nice with the newbie. He hasn’t been here long enough to understand. And rumor has it he’s a little slow on the pick-up. Nice to have you back in town. Congratulations on your lottery jackpot! Say hi to Mark and his mom for us the next time you’re out for dinner with them!

26 03 2010
the lantern

@ dave mailman
ARe u planning on growing your beard out? YOu could make a movie ‘septic wizard lives the expat dream in france.’
I”m hosting a bbq tonight.It will be an alcohol free affair with fresh seafood,prime cuts of steak and many other tantalizing side dishes.All you have to do is pledge your allegiance to king lantern at the door and it’s free. Tane beeblebub is not invited as i’m worried if some other guests bring their teenage daughters he will molest them.

26 03 2010
mark

@Mailman

Deal.

I can’t stand the way that I get sometimes. And I can’t explain why I get so twisted over your words and not so much Blasphemy or Mikey. Your a good guy Dave and I am STOKED that it turns out you don’t have a sister because I felt like shit for what I said.

Anyway I am a sellin fool this weekend and will try my best to put surfing ( the waves here have seriously not stopped for months Windansea PUMPED this past week ) and Nugable on the back burner until April. Gotta pay the bills!!!!!

Aloha!

26 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Bon courage for the job, Mark! For any of you who do have the time and the cash for the flight, Mundaka will be firing for the next week or so…

26 03 2010
the lantern

@ DAvid mailman.
I’m sure the locals at mundaka would just be so happy to hear you just posted that on the WORLDWIDE web. HEY EVERYONE COME AND SURF THIS BREAK,IT’S NOT MY LOCAL BUT THE MORE GRINGOS THE MERRIER
shine on you dirty wizard

just sayin *

prosperous lantern

nug trademark*

26 03 2010
Mystery Solved

@Mystery Solved, 16:12..

You sir, are a scholar, a gentleman, and quite possibly a genius. It all falls into place. I am going to pour you a gin & tonic right this minute.

26 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

I wouldn’t take it that far, M.S., but I have to admit it really does make a lot of sense. And I take mine with extra lime, thank you.

26 03 2010
Mike

Mailman, I never make fun of Mark’s mom, ever. Too much obvious material to utilize without having to go low brow. Glad you two girls kissed and made up, but you didn’t have to wake the sleeping ogre to do it.

Thanks for the Mundaka tip, we’ll all pass it along.

Nug, please post something new so we can get back on topic. Dave M and Mark are insufferable slobbering slobs who have even fucked up breakfast boys comments. Pretty tough for Enoch to carry this shit alone.

26 03 2010
Mike

Before I go Mailman…. why don’t you trade a map to the Euro secret spots with Mark and he’ll give you the Bali secrets he stole from his mate.

Hey Bagel…. Check out the WQS 6 star schedule for February mate, you may be surprised that a certain fave of yours jumped the proprietary info shark.

Off to perfect lefts and no car buying…. Sorry Jeff,eeeerrrrr Cali girl, eerrrrrr Ponto Pete.

26 03 2010
the lantern

Don’t worry mike

the lantern is here to pick up the pieces

a good king looks after his flock

benevolent lantern

26 03 2010
300!!

You peckerheaded homosexual leviathans!!

26 03 2010
Ponto Pete

Just got finished ripping high tide Ponto on my paddleless SUP, now it’s off to sell, sell, sell! Yeah, riding an SUP without a paddle is like going leashless for most of you, but I can steer that thing like Laird… only he needs the paddle.

I love how Jordy looks tough in his ads. I don’t even mind his nipples being so close together. I think Brucie is rad too, hope he wins my fantasy surfing league. I think I have a chance with Cali girl, but I have to keep it cool with the wife and family and all. Maybe she’ll come by the dealership today while I am killing it?

26 03 2010
Rahm Emmanuel

I went to a ballet concert with Mike once.

Afterwards we took a shower at my place and then sat on the couch and smoked a doobie while listening to “tiny dancer” by elton john.

Within 3 minutes we were hugging and crying and singing the chorus together.

The next morning as we basked in the afterglow and spoke of single payer and immigration reform Mike said he had to go surfing.

It was a beautiful experience.

26 03 2010
Vicodin

Your turn, Mike. I am here for you.

26 03 2010
John Boehner

It’s true. I was watching through the window, masturbating furiously.

26 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

On a surf-related note: Does anyone else believe that the ASP will not allow Mick Fanning to win another World Title? I mean, three would put him in Andy Irons’ territory, and I think there can be a consensus that Mick Fanning’s no Andy Irons. Thusly, I think this year’s updated judging criteria was implemented to ensure Mick stays at two, which seemed like a statistical anomaly anyway. Say it to yourselves for a second: Mick Fanning, 2x World Champ? Doesn’t ring true to me.

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Perkus,

You are treading some dangerous waters amigo. You better hope Tim Baker and Mike the Shark don’t smell your dig on Mick.

In conclusion, I agree with what you said.

26 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Between Joel Parkinson, Taj Burrow, and Mick Fanning, I think an appropriation of 2 World Titles seems accurate. So each, by this point in their careers, should be a 2/3 World Champ.

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

We can call it the 2/3 compromise – similar to the 3/5 compromise that used to be in the Thirteenth Amendment.

26 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

As a corollary, I’d like someone to come up with the figures on whether Kelly Slater’s dominance comes from his uncanny ability to consistently bed quality tail without getting too tied down for an extended period of time.

‘Tho I’d let Bar Rafeli tie me down and do unspeakable acts on my willing flesh. I won’t get too specific, but it’d probably involve a chainsaw, six gallons of EasySpread, a firm cantaloupe, and a prosthetic limb.

26 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Forgive me, that was a departure.

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

With the exception of that cesspool of scabies named Pamela Anderson, Sl9er’s has had an impressive list – though I’d take Lyndie Irons over them all. Being a married bloke myself, I certainly believe AI is “doing the right thing.” Screw more titles, AI should just retire to the bedroom and make money posting pictures and videos of his exploits with that lovely woman online. He’d be richer than Slater and Bob McKnight together in less than a week.

And that would just be from my subscription alone.

I’d spank my loin baloney so hard that Mark’s mother would feel it as she migrates South for the winter.

26 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I was saving this for PeterPerfect, but I couldn’t help myself and posted this comment at the Vans Pro: “Ryan Simmons haircut is gayer than the oiled up knot of a balloon filled with Munga Barry’s breath.”

I think Condor liked it.

I think Stansfield would like to strangle me.

The feeling is mutual.

26 03 2010
mark

It’s on.

North Korea just sunk a South Korean warship with 40 plus sailors feared dead.

Red skies at night.

26 03 2010
the lantern

@ eunuch wart.
Your off your beak mate and you have most certainly never been to south america. lindsay crackiron is nothing special. Just take your average 2 bit beach groupie from a local surf comp send her to the dentist for some teeth whitening and to a surgeon for some new fun bags, powder her nose with a bit of coke and hey presto! Another plastic whore that would snort u out of house and home.She certainly sent andos over the edge.Or was it the other way around?
Well if you’ve still got a crush on her after i just opened your eyes to reality go round to her house while andos is at the bell with a big bag of coke and the next thing you know u’ll be balls deep.Oh that’s right your an eunuch.Well good luck!

helpful lantern

26 03 2010
the lantern

They shot the wrong boat!
Damn commies should have done something useful for once and shot one of those pesky japanese whaling ships!

seashepard supporting lantern

26 03 2010
America

Dont get our hopes up. The slant eyes* couldnt see the rocks and ran aground.

* nug trademark racism

26 03 2010
Elwood

I remember Pamela A. was on the Stern show about 15 years ago… She confessed that she had a bunch of different types of vibrators. When Howard asked why she needed so many she indicated that only 1 was for her and the rest she used on her dude(s). This was at the same time she was dating our King….. things that make you go Hmmmmm?

26 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Elwood, are you inferring that Kelly Slater would be willing to take a vibe up the muddy-tunnel in hopes of pleasing Miss Anderson?

Judging by his performance on Baywatch, I’d venture the answer’s a resounding ‘maybe’.

The real question: Did he, in turn, get to use a set of K2.1 FCS fins on his beloved? You know, to return the favor?

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Back to the roots at the CWC Tasmania… I love camping. This post reminds me of Baja trips down to the tip back when my friends and I had more free time. Except Baja was a lot warmer and drier!

http://www.oneill.com/cwc/tasmania/blogs/jarrad-blog-24-march

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Mike,
Make sure you pass the word on Mundaka. Would love to see a Maori v. Basque face off on the peak. Seeing as the Basques are the home side, I think they would win. I’ve never seen anyone get a set wave off the local pack on the peak without another local or three dropping in… As for trading maps with Mark, Europe has too many socialists for him, and I’ve already got all the contacts I need to pillage the Indo archipelago. Don’t plan on doing it anytime soon though. You know. Balls and chains…

27 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Check out Jed’s referencing PS and using LS’ name to get suckers like me to read an article about Alex Knost… or not!

http://www.stabmag.com/jed/tomorrows-tulips-their-spelling-not-mine-to-play-in-sydney/

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