Mick Fanning vs. Stab Magazine

22 03 2010

In December Mick Fanning clinched his second Dream Tour world title. Now he is dealing with a public relations nightmare. Photo: ASP

You have most likely heard about it by now. In its January/February edition Stab Magazine published a story titled “Tales of a Fucking Jew.” In it writer Charlie Smith recounts his altercation with Mick Fanning at a December party in Hawaii to celebrate Fanning’s second world title. Smith stated the newly-crowned ASP World Champion called him a “Fucking Jew” four times. The issue has been subsequently pulled from the newsstands, most likely due to pressure both legally and financially.  

There are a few things I find completely absurd about the situation. First, the statement Mick posted on his web site. I do not know who is advising him, but he should have just apologized unconditionally. End of story. Instead he fires a shot at Stab. He states: “Prior to the exchange with the reporter, I had refused to speak with him because I understood he worked for Stab Magazine and that it had previously published articles which I believed were racist and anti-Semitic.” He continues. “I strongly object to views, statements and comments of that nature.”  

That’s why you felt to need to call Smith a “fucking Jew” four times? Because you “strongly object to views, statements and comments of that nature?” Never mind the fact Smith is not Jewish. But your statements were taken out of context right? It leads me to wonder in what context is it acceptable for a surfing champion to call someone a “fucking Jew?” Fanning stated he was trying to be ironic. Well, congratulations. You succeeded. What’s next? A photo op with a surfing Rabbi?  

Second, for the most part the surf media is not touching the story. The only publications on the story are the Australian newspapers and tabloids. I understand the surf media might view this as a non-story and would rather focus on surfing, not verbal altercations between a journalist and a surfer. I can respect that. But I suspect this is a financial and access driven decision.  

Let’s imagine for a moment if Kobe Bryant or Peyton Manning called a reporter a “fucking Jew.” What would happen? It would be the lead story on ESPN and every single media outlet in America. It would be career suicide. They would be losing endorsements deals, backpedaling and apologizing unconditionally. But this is surfing not the NBA or NFL. And surfing can be so absurd at times. Instead, Stab is being painted as the bad guy here because they had the balls to publish the story and have published so-called racially insensitive stories in the past. 

I am not suggesting Fanning should lose his livelihood for this or I am not going to pretend I am outraged by his comments. What I suspect is Fanning simply had a little bit too much to drink and said something he shouldn’t have.  

Smith told the Australian newspaper on Saturday an inebriated Fanning was upset about an earlier article in which he had criticized the surfer’s “boring” sense of style. Well, one thing is certain. Mick is no longer boring.

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120 responses

22 03 2010
Cyrus

I’m starting to wonder if the Aussies are just pretty racist in general, or at least exhibit behaviors of racism and throw racist words out there without realizing how bad it is. Mick’s right about Stab at least possibly being racist: http://www.cyrusisboard.com/2010/02/stab-magazine-publishes-article-with.html

Nice work exposing this story. Surf media in the U.S. absolutely blows. It’s nothing more than making sponsors happy. A story about Mick Fanning being racist won’t make sponsors nor the industry happy. I’m in the middle of a fight with ESPN’s surf writers over this story: http://www.theextremescene.com/blog/bobby-martinez-blasts-kelly-slater-channel-islands-reef-and-asp I guess fat boy Jake Howard and his bosses can’t handle criticism. If they can’t handle a story like that, no way they can handle exposing the world champ as being a possible racist.

Nice work exposing this story Nug!

22 03 2010
Jimmicane

I agree with this completely. This is major news that should be reported on.

22 03 2010
T

Whatever i use the slang “Jew” all the time as do most.

THAT SHIT ABOUT ICAH WAS WAY WORSE AND NOT EVEN NUG HAD THE BALLS TO WRITE ON THAT!!!

The Wilmot family was a thousand times more a victim than Jews, Charlie Smith, and Mick Fanning but they dont matter because they are good decent people trying to better a country and its children. Oh and THEIR BLACK.

22 03 2010
Barney

A. Mick is the current world champ. Wilmot is not.
B. The Wilmots matter. They just aren’t as high profile.
C. Jed Smith apologized without blaming other. (stab)
D. You are an idiot.

22 03 2010
sheapez

Yes this is major news…NOW!
Mick Fanning/Eugene was wasted and saw Chas Smith, Eugene possibly had to pick up the tab for everyone at the bar earlier that night and called one of his mates a “fecking juw”. Then upon seeing Chas in his proximity he let the racial slur fly again. Did he mean it in its literal sense? Not a chance in hell! He’s pissed at Chas, he’s wasted beyond comprehension and it should of been left at that. No threats or punches were ever thrown. This wasn’t at a press conference or after a heat. Chas should of dropped it there and moved on to staring aimlessly at Luke Stedman. Shame on Eugene for his outburst. Much bigger shame on Chas and Stab for bringing it to the world. Mick isn’t racist, he was just wasted and lacked a better insult at the time. The only major news in all of this is that this went to print!
The real major news for 2010 is Jeremy Flores exposing the judging racism on the WT!!! Check out this link for more on this developing story
http://blog.demonfactory.com/2010/03/17/jeremy-flores/

22 03 2010
The Nug

That’s an angle I didn’t see. So, it’s Rip Curl’s fault for not picking up the entire tab at the party? Cheapsakes must have spent it all on those Micktory hats and T-shirts.

Maybe Flores has a point. Maybe the judges are racist. That is if racism is defined by deducting points from surfers who neglect turning on rail.

22 03 2010
sheapez

I would be willing to bet just before Mick’s outburst he had heard someone or called someone a ferking juw in a much lighter context. It’s Rip Curl’s fault for making all those gay Micktory hats and T-shirts. Those things are just plain unbearable and could be a partial reason for his anger that night.
Where did the ASP find judges so intelligent that they can figure out the math to have Flore’s losing by hundredth’s of a point every time.
I like your definition of racism Nug! Hopefully the rest of the year the judges become even more racist towards skimboarding.

22 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

Dear Mr. Fanning,
lesson number one in dealing with the media in general – and chas smith in particular- is never give an idiot an audience. End of lesson.

22 03 2010
Global cooling

This is not worthy of a post Nug…nothing to see here. Shea’s comment probably gets it right.

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

First, Mick is a professional athlete. Read the ‘professional’ part again, in case that didn’t sink in the first time. We aren’t talking about some dope who wins local air show contests. This is the current World Champion of professional surfing.

Second, giving a professional athlete a pass for everything they say, just because they are drunk, is one of the most retarded defenses I have heard. Impaired judgment often leads to brief outpourings of previously guarded truths. Eugene had the freedom to belch forth those epithets; Chas was free to report it for the Moderator’s at Stab; and we are free to comment on Nug’s evaluation of the incident.

Third, the first paragraph of Cyrus’ comment asks a provocative question that begs the balls of someone to investigate further.

Fourth, PeterPerfect is gayer than Liberace’s piano bench.

And lastly, Mark’s mother’s breath smells like a rhinoceros asshole being fed to a pack of rabid boars treading through a pool of rectal incontinence.

22 03 2010
sheapez

Just because he was drunk doesn’t make it right at all. Mick should of never said what he did. Chas and Stab weren’t offended at all though, they thought it was fucking cool. Shock journalism on display at it’s worse.
@Cyrus, Ozzies in general are a pretty loose bunch without much rhyme or reason…especially the girls.

22 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Fucking ham sandwich.

22 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

Don’t get the Poupon up yer pee-pee hole Jam’. Shit really hurts ! And the coarse grain style Guldens is even worse …

22 03 2010
T

Sorry, I didnt realize racism only mattered when someone of importance ( like world chimp of surfing means anything in the real world) expresses racism.

I completely agree with you barney on one thing, i am idiot why else would i be wasting time on a blog…

22 03 2010
GDub

Racism and prejudice blow. It ain’t cool to go around calling people f-ing jews, niggers, or whatever, even if you are drunk and joking. It especially ain’t cool if you’re in any way under the media spotlight, be it a pro athelete or otherwise.

And yeah, Aussies are generally racist. They call rap music nigger-beats. Dickwads.

25 03 2010
Simon Muirhead

i am Australian and I never in my life heard the term nigger-beats until I read it in your post. You are just making things up to stir the pot i think and excuse to have a go at aussies. I am sure the yanks will have a world title in the next decade or something so hang in there;)

22 03 2010
LeBron James

Does anybody else think that Eugene might have mistaken Chas Smith for another writer who has been known th write scathing comments about him, and also writes for STAB occaisionally – Lewis Samuels ???

Hence the jewish reference???

This in no way makes it ok for what was said. But it was the first thing i thought of when i read the magazine. Mick Fanning isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, and i’m guessing Eugene could be even blunter.

22 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

“I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.”
-Chris Rock

22 03 2010
Voice of reallity

Great story nuggy.

Enoch had it right, Fanning is supposed to be a professional. Was mel gibson just spouting off drunk? That said and once again, it all could have been difused so easily, but was instead spun with legalese.

As for no surfing medium capturing the story, who is surprised? All the good stories in surfing go unreported, doens’t fit their ad profile. Funny that Jimmicane mentions it, isn’t that kook with Surfing?

Now Nug, tell us the story of the Volcom IPO!

Seriously, there is no surf “journalism” because access has become a privilige.

22 03 2010
VP of Common Sense

Mick Fanning, meet John Mayer.

John Mayer, meet Mick Fanning.

Your ‘nigger’ and ‘Jew’ passes have been revoked by the me, the VP of Common Sense.

22 03 2010
VP of Common Sense

T,

Go back to the shallow end and reread people’s comments before responding. And read them with a ‘retard to civilized person’ translation book by your side.

22 03 2010
VP of Grammar

“Your ‘nigger’ and ‘Jew’ passes have been revoked by the me, the VP of Common Sense.”

One too many uses of ‘the’ in that stellar comment, ol’ chap.

22 03 2010
VP of Blown Aliases

How are the waves in NZ Mike?

22 03 2010
The Nug

What is the over/under on an ASP sensitively training and/or dealing with the media seminar? 7.5 days sounds about right.

22 03 2010
Shamus McRearload

They should sensitively train Mick Fanning to introduce something besides a power hack and floater to his arsenal.

22 03 2010
Costanza, Seinfeld, David and Samuels

I am totally going to show up to the Bells event with curly orthodox sideburns sewn into my Micktory cap.

22 03 2010
This just in

Half of the ” Jersey Shore” cast has jumped off The Jersey Turnpike due to a new 10% ” Tanning Bed Tax” passed with Healthcare reform last night.

22 03 2010
Elwood

@ EW …. “gayer than Liberace’s piano bench.” …. NICE!

For my comments on the matter refer to EW @ 12:28, less the Mark’s mom reference cause I’m outa the loop on that one.

22 03 2010
Bondi sucks

Have any of you guys read the offending articles? I think it’s one on the most accurate insights into the North Shore that I’ve read.

Here are some outakes:

A large TV in the living room is playing a mixed martial arts fight, Revelers are screaming, grabbing each others shoulders, hopping up and down like frogs, slapping their palms against the tile floor and being otherwise unruly.
An ill wind blows.

Someone introduces me to surf journalist and author Tim Baker near the kitchen in the hope that we will spar. Tim has paired the ‘Micktory’ hat with the ‘Micktory’ t shirt. He informs me he doesn’t like a lot of what I do. Too negative.

Mick stands of to the side, beer in hand. He looks slightly wobbly and is wearing Rip Curl boardies and a black t-shirt with some red font. Many congratulate him and he nods when smiling. Tim Baker exhuberantly wanting to breed good vibes, tells me he’ll introduce me to Mick. I follow him over. Tim says, “Mick this is Chas Smith.

Mick says, “So you’re Chas Smith” while shaking my hand. The he says, “Fuck you. You know, fuck you. You write so much shit about me. So much fucking shit.”
I respond, “I think I’ve only written that you’re boring and I’ve probably criticised your clothing.”
He says, “Fuck you. Fuck you. What are you going to do now that you’ve met me? Go write that I’m not boring anymore?”
I respond, “Maybe. It sort of depend on you.”
He says, “Fuck you. What makes you so cool? Why the fuck do you think you’re so cool?” I look down at my white helmut lang button up and perfectly trim grey pants. I do look pretty cool tonight. My hair is nicely mussed too, but I respond, “ahhh, I don’t think I’m that cool.”
He says, “You fucking write so much shit about me.”
And I really haven’t so I respond, “Are you sure it was me?”
He says, “Don’t be a pussy, I fucking never read what you write but people tell me that you always write shit.”
His eyes are wndering around my mouth. I respond, “Oh”.
He says, “Fuck you. You know, you are a fucking J**”
I respond’ “Sorry?”
He says, “You are a fucking J**”
I respond, “No I’m not Jewish. I am English with a little German…”
He says, “Fuck you. You are a fucking J**. ou totally write off surfing and the you make money off of surfing. You are a fucking J**.”
I am intrigued by Micks analysis but respond, “I don’t make that much money off surfing.”
He says, “Fuck you. I should punch you in the face. I should punch you in the fucking face right now.”
I am scratching my chin and trying to figure out an appropiate response. I am smiling broadly. I stand a head taller then Mick and he is leaning into me. Eyes still pulled to my mouth. We are only a few centimetres apart.
Out of nowhere a large bald man wearing a “Micktory” tshirt grabs me and pins one arm behind my back while throttling my neck. “Get the fuck out of here” he says….

22 03 2010
Bondi sucks

Have any of you actually read the offending article? Mick comes off as ignorant dickhead.
Mick to Chas “Don’t be a pussy. I fucking never read what you write but people tell me that you always write shit.”

22 03 2010
lazer®

Enoch Ward is gayer than a figure-skating Eric Massa.

22 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

I mean a Johnny Wier reach-around.

22 03 2010
Multiple Names are also Homosexual

Or a dance-off between Kala Alexander in drag and Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior.

22 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

And Adrian ‘Ace’ Buchan in general.

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Perkus Tooth is gayer than the ‘Scissors Sisters’ roasting moose cocks around a campfire in Greg Tomlinson’s asshole.

22 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Enoch Ward is gayer than Queen at a Turkish bath.

22 03 2010
Peter Perfect

If anyone knows Liberace’s* sweat stool, it’s eunuch, he bought it at action.

Yes, I’m back. Bring on Hells Boring frickin’ Bells. Yawn.

*sweet jesus, just how fucking old are you?

PS I guess ‘Fanndroid’ is dead (sorry Iberico pan con tomate) as he’s no longer a robot. Guess he could be a Nazi robot from the future.

22 03 2010
Peter Perfect

action? auction, fuck. I quit. Again

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I wanted to watch the whole video that Shea linked to, but Jeremy’s voice is too annoying for me to plow all the way through.

He sounds like a clown being raped on a bed of bicycle horns.

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Bell’s should be about as exciting as Lewis Samuels’ career since he left PostSurf.

**zing**

22 03 2010
the lantern

OK You pricks are getting way to PC. It’s time to stir up the hornets nest.
Before i post a comment about this fanning Jew debacle that some people are going to consider racist I want put a question out there. Racist stands for racial discrimination so am I a racist for ripping on all races equally? I hate you all!
Here’s some stereotypes that aren’t always true but a lot of the time they are. I’m white so I’ll get the ball rolling with the white trash. Yes it’s true you can go for a drive through trailer parks and poor neighborhoods and find white trash. Rotten alcoholic dead beats with IQ’s lower than Eugene on pay day. White chicks suck. Do you know how many white chicks are fat or skinny fat.(they might look thin but they are not toned at all and grabbing on to them is like grabbing a marsh mellow) Many of them eat to much bread and drink to much alcohol and suffer from yeast infected vagines. Worst vagines ever actually. Go to Latinas or the rare hot Asian girls that don’t look like a tree monkey to find the princess.
Black people. They do commit more crime. Statistically lot’s of them have aids and they smell funny. Sometimes they can even be spotted out on a stoop eating fried chicken and watermelon.
Aboriginals. Yes you can find them on any given day of the week but especially after welfare payment day in parks all around Australia sniffing petrol and drinking goon straight from the sack.Hey when they pass out they have a free pillow!
Jews. People have NOT been trying to exterminate them since the biblical days because they are nice people.They have hearts of stone and live to make money and money and more money and never give any back to the people.
Asians. the Chinese are aiming for world domination. They breed like flies.(thank god for the one child policy) Unfortunately the countries they move to don’t have one child policy so it’s common that after 20 or 30 years of Chinese living in a city they completely take over a neighborhood and thus u have china town.
Japanese. These people are soulless robots. Once a proud nation of warriors they got the life crushed out of them from above one fateful day in Hiroshima and ever since they are sniveling bowing cowards that smile when they are unhappy. serve tea when they want you to leave their home and say yes when they mean no or don’t understand. How about that pan face? You’ve never seen a better poker face than a Japanese involved in confrontation. On the plus side the chicks have skin like silk and tight puss. Their orgasmic power squeal is unrivalled for volume and intensity. Beware of their crocodile smile.
Indians. these people smell. Like really smell. The combination of lack of personal hygiene and a diet that is probably 10% spice is pungent to say the least. Plus their jibber jabbing in loud and obnoxious enough to make you want to cut your ears off. I say jail time for any Indian within ten meters of a phone. NO I do not want a new internet provider, learn to speak English properly you curry munching prick.
It’s not a race to say. More a nationality. But the English. Oh how i hate their accent. Fingernails on a black board sound better. I’ve been known to move to the other side of the room when English people have started talking to me. Fucking limeys. I know there’s a lot of seppo’s on this site so can you tell your president next time he feels the need to flex his muscles to serve the UK this time instead of Japan or Iraq.
Philippines/Thais Yes they will marry someone they meet on some dodgy dating site. Yes they will take a green card. Yes they will get a divorce, yes they will take half the mans possessions. Happens all the time. Oh and if she introduce her ‘cousin Trong’ that is going to be staying at the house for a few days while your away on business that’s not her cousin and mother is not sick and needing 25 thousand dollars for a life saving operation.
Arabs. They really do wear towels on their heads. A lot of them are really Muslims and some of the like to blow things up. A lot have anger management issues and they like to mutter and curse in a strange tongue reminiscent of a herd of goats getting molested by a sex starved camel. They also smell. Worse than black people but not as bad as Indians.
So am i racist? I think i discriminated against a healthy percentage of the worlds ethnicities so one might say I am not really discriminating at all. In fact if your a red Indian you should feel discriminated against because i left you out. I always did have a thing for Pocahontas.

Vote 1 lantern

22 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

anybody who actually read this… thing in it’s entirety please post up, those who did not post down. and no lying. i’ll take the first post down …

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Ye gods!

We have just been attacked by Leo’s retarded brother… Bart Tolstoy.

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Lantern,

Are you trying to give Dave Mailman a boner by posting a comment with more words than Mark’s Bible?

22 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

the lantern: Yet more proof that Crystal Methamphetamine+White Supremacy=Unrepentant Messageboard Drivel

22 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

money …

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Lol @ Perkus (15:17).

Maybe you aren’t THAT gay after all.

22 03 2010
Mike

@blown aliases

cyclone was fun, now the weather is killing the points.

22 03 2010
mark

lantern is gayer than rob machado,stuart bedford-brown and matt george having a bitch slap pillow fight in the bedroom of an angelic young slater whilst the prince slept.

22 03 2010
david duke

bonus points to the first guy who can produce a photo of mick surfing in a white hooded wetsuit.

22 03 2010
the lantern

Shalom!!!!

Chaswazzer writes surfing off and yet makes money off it.That is Fannings motivation for calling him a Jew. Seriously. Who gives a fuck. People that complain are given to much power these days.The lantern is a true advocate of freedom of speech. People should be able to express themselves. If farmer joe doesn’t like the little black boys that sneak into his farm and steal chickens should he pretend there is no problem in case people think he’s racist? Farmer Joe is going to be angry.His livelihood is being fucked with.He should be able to express his outrage by marching up to the little black boys family whilst they are eating fried chicken on the stoop with the water melons they stole off farmer bob and say ‘give me back me god darn chookens ye theivin nigglets stole off a me ya black carnts.’
The lantern feels It’s important to be honest with oneself. If you don’t like something you should be able to speak your mind. I’m not a Mick Fanning fan excuse the pun but I take my hat off to him for ripping into Chaz.He has every right to be angry.For every 2 articles stab writes fellating Dane or Jordy stab writes something bad about Mick. Good on stab to. They don’t like Mick and they say their 2 cents worth while most of the media is out having a Mictory wank.
Vote 1 lantern

22 07 2011
tashi

Freedom of speech versus being nice and considerate. Why wouldn’t you just call your mother a “c**t” then when she is not bending to your will, when dinner is served a little bit too cold? Would you call your girlfriend (or boyfriend) a slut then for speaking to someone else who roused in you jealousy? Freedom of speech permits it. But is that the kind of energy you want to bring into the world. You seem to revel in it. The thing is, you have your freedom of speech, and so does Mick. And actually, Mick has the privilege of being a role model. Unlike you, many people will pay attention to what Mick says. So the bigoted and vicious world you are trying to create with the reckless compassionless abuse of “free speech” is hopefully offset by a more reflective and evolved surf culture spearheaded by a more mature and considerate Mick Fanning.

22 03 2010
the lantern

A Hasidic Jew walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The Hasidic Jew replied, “Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?

22 03 2010
KKK

@the lanturd,

We agree 100% with everything you say… even the part about white trash. Why don’t you move down to Alabama? You can move into Mark’s garage and be right around the corner from all our meetings. We can all put sheets on our head, burn crosses and act stupid together. We live in a world where calling someone a Jew is the worst form of insult we could think of.

We pity Mick Fanning, and we would like to recruit you into our cause.

22 03 2010
THE FUTURE!!!!

mick grew a mustache and shaved off everywhere but under the nose,he got so mad at his surfing being called boring that he had to stir up the pot,so he grabbed every other aryan looking kid in cooli and started the first ozzy clan (no not ozzy wright) they started a company called the “he-man Jew haters club” and now the the SS bolts and swaztica’s (don’t know how to spell it not so down with that company) are standard for any “whitey” on tour,and ya’ll are gayer than singfried and roy on ecstasy wearing white tiger out fits

22 03 2010
the lantern

It’s now officially a policy of the lantern to post this amazing song by borat after any article involving jews

Lyrics to Throw The Jew Down The Well :

In my country there is problem,
And that problem is transport.
It take very very long,
Because Kazakhstan is big.

• Throw transport down the well
So my country can be free
We must make travel easy
Then we’ll have a big party

In my country there is problem
And that problem is the Jew
They take everybody money
And they never give it back

Throw the jew down the well
So my country can be free
You must grab him by his horns
Then we have a big party

If you see the Jew coming
You must be careful of his teeth
You must grab him by his money
And I tell you what to do

vote 1 lantern

22 03 2010
Grote Turkeylips, The Elder

I’m not so sure Mick is a racist. I mean, has anyone ever confirmed that he has indeed raced? For all we know, he could drive extremely slow. Perhaps he does not drive at all – and like a conscious citizen, partakes in public transportation. All I’m saying is this: without video proof of ones racing skills, people who make racist comments may just be observing the true race-drivers and relaying their own race-based interpretations.

Or something.

22 03 2010
mark

@lantern

where do you live buddy?

22 03 2010
mark

@lantern

I think I like you.

I wrote a fictional story about Borat’s sister at Rocky Point perving on Granger and Clay but not so much Cote. It was published on a website called Post Surf. No one appreciated it.

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

The Lantern’s thoughts on race remind me of a night light that has lost three of its four watts and is bravely flickering like an anemic strobe light against the oncoming doom of darkness in his vast skull. And as the last vestiges of his archaic brain cells fall victim to the Meth, the bulbous little lamp that could will be extinguished by the onslaught of deep, dark nothingness.

Then, and only then, will he be shuffled off to the home of the padded walls and helmeted slobber fucks.

His parents will weep briefly.

They will then tell the newspapers that he was adopted from a Yak farm at the tender age of two, and thereby absolve themselves of any association with their former son.

22 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Hallmark®,

**Call me**

You can have the movie rights in exchange for an evening with Alana Blanchard.

22 03 2010
trauzersnake

This comments thread is some sort of new low. It reaffirms that I made the right decision to quit. at least common folks have access to healthcare now.

late

22 03 2010
I dunno

I was there, Mick had been drinking for 8 hours straight and was passed out in bed less than an hour later. Chaz was a smartass to Mick when Mick asked him to leave, Mick didn’t want someone at his party who’d talked shit about him before.
Yes, Mick shouldn’t have said it, but whoever said good on Stab (in the back) for printing the article is crazy. Haven’t you ever said anything you regretted? Doesn’t Mick have the right to be off the record the night he wins the world title and is blind drunk?
Mick is one of the nicest guys in surfing.

25 03 2010
stu

that actually says quite a bit, don’t you think? Surfers are the softest pro athletes out there. First everyone wanted to punch Lewis out, now surf writers who don’t suck pro balls are all jews.

22 07 2011
tashi

I agree with you that probably Mick is a nice good-hearted guy who only strikes when provoked. It was probably intended as a personal attack. However, Mick has accepted a public position, and it is proper that anyone who accepts this position has a broader social responsibility. No-one is forced to enter into these competitions, but it comes with the turf that the public will pay big money to those at the top of the hierarchy, but in return the public demands elite social responsibility. We in the surfing world accept readily that oceans should not be polluted, because that directly affects us, and we demand that others who do not surf respect that… because we are aware of how it affects them too ultimately. Non-surfers might not be as aware of that and might flick cigarette butts onto the streets not understanding the consequences. Similarly, Mick needs to be aware of how his careless perpetuation of hateful cultural stereotypes (the false generalised notion that Jews more than other people put money before ethics, and that anyone who puts money before ethics is therefore a Jew) will be observed by young impressionable people who will then repeat those hateful words. He needs to be aware that the consequences are that when those words are repeated, actual Jewish people are in instances targeted and feel actually threatened. Racism against any ethnicity is unnecessary. Mick along with other elite athletes with his greater influence is helping build the future of this already turbulent world. The media helps generate his income, and this needs to be respected, so he needs to mature and accept the responsibility along with the privileges.

22 03 2010
the lantern

@Enoch ward 17.20
Pure brilliance.Even if its way off the mark it’s such outstanding word play.The lanterns light is shining bright on 120 kw.
You know you love me

vote 1 lantern

@ mark. i’m australian

22 03 2010
tj

mmm.. just read the article… yes mick does sound like a toolkit to me.
But can we trust Chas’ account of the situation? maybe, maybe not.
Mick has admitted to calling him “an f***ing jew” and that is wrong.. but the whole situation is ‘a fly on the wall” scenario – we don’t really know what exactly went on between the two.. was there that much agression? was it playful banter? was it complete drunken slur? was it somewhat provoked? whatever it was it happened at a Mick Fanning world champ after party between Mick and Chas and that is always going to be written about in the pages of stab loosely or to the t…

22 03 2010
THE FUTURE!!!!

Fuck you does kinda sound like fucking jew if your drunk enough….or mick fanning

22 03 2010
Bobby Bane

I just came across these tweets at HadesTwitter.meph from one of my favorites, Yasser Arafat; great thread.

“Just finished discussing the new River Styx Ferry tax with my boys Martin Luther and Ronnie Burns; total ghecheh w mecheh!”

“Man, that joke never gets old between us…’Ronnie BURNS’! HA HA! Holy crap, that one’ll last like my fury over Masjid al Aqsa!! Funny shit, though!”

Antigone was there too. I heard of honor killings, but an ‘honor burial’?? That’s the type of thought I try to spare my people’s women from. Dumb بنت !”

“Speaking of hating Jews, just caught an ASP update from back upstairs. Turns out the Fanndroid is straight OG-PLO! Mother fucker! Found my anchor on Fantasy Surfer, I did!!! Yasser out!

22 03 2010
Bobby Bane

Is Mark seriously still bringing up his PS ‘Borat’s Sister’ flop? That was ages ago. Let it go, man. Didn’t last summer’s weeks of South Shore swell purge those lamentations from your system?

23 03 2010
Skud

Is anyone really all that surprised that the major surf media outlets have had nothing at all to say about this? They’re dependant on suckling the teet of ripquikabong, and they’re not about to go piss all over mommy’s funbags for the sake of “journalism”. They’ve never done it in the past, why would they start now?

Never forget, if the surf brands had it their way, every last mile of surfable coastline from Mexico to Russia would be as crowded as lower trestles or the superbank. Seriously, if they had it their way, not a single wave breaking on this blue planet at any given time would go unridden by any less than 200 kook bastards wearing their boardshorts and rashguards. All the while they’re trying to sell you some bullshit idealized image of this wonderously fullfilling and majestic individual pursuit. And you wanted honesty…

23 03 2010
the lantern

@skud
Your a hypocrite. How is discriminating against somebody for being a jew any different to discriminating against somebody for being a ‘kook bastard’.
Why should the surf industry make a big deal over what fanning said?He was right Chaz is a fucking Jew and a cafe mincing latte sipper to boot. If you want proof of what an arzenhaller Chaz really is read his recent article over at stab titled “colors of a to can” in which he demeans some poor kid whilst talking himself up and attempting to crush his hopes and dreams. In my opinion he sunk to a new low in that article.
Mick Fanning is far from the worst behaved pro surfer. Paul fisher is the lowest person in Australia. I’m going to repost what i wrote about him before so u can all see what rotten people are sponsored by surf labels. Did you know in order to afford to pay out millions in marketing fees to advertisers and athletes most surf labels get their clothes made in china. Which means they also support sweat shops, child slave labour and vile ozone polluting smoke stack factories. Yea billabong. Your Dave Rastovich organic hippy line really makes up for all that.
I say boycott surf labels that don’t make their product in their own country. Buy local made products and support your local economy. The qualities better and if you don’t buy a surf label you don’t need to sport horrid loud colors and massive ugly logos. You can look like a gentleman in your fine threads instead of some overgrown teenager that wants to label himself to the whole world as a ‘surfer’.

23 03 2010
T

Major surf outlets??

Surfer/Surfing= same company.

Surfline= balllicker for ad revenue

Transworld= aims at only children (no need to teach the young on racism)

Is there anyone else??? (other than Longboard mag/ and that sponger publication)

I Second a boycott…..

23 03 2010
Common Sense

@Lantern

“Your a hypocrite. How is discriminating against somebody for being a jew any different to discriminating against somebody for being a ‘kook bastard’.”

Are you that dumb?

Really?

Someone is born a Jew. They have no choice. Just as you were born a retard and had no choice.

Someone chooses to be a kook. Something you have also done.

In summary, you’re a waste of oxygen, and your words are clogging precious space in this comments thread.

23 03 2010
blackman

Actually I am born black and choose to be a jew.

23 03 2010
the lantern

Actually a bastard is someone who was born out of wedlock.Hardly something that a child has a choice in.Some people don’t have a choice in being a kook either.They are born with a lack of talent.
Whose the idiot now @ lack of common sense.
How about you get the jews to give back the money they extort off people and stop being tight wads then people will stop writing them off.

vote 1 lantern

23 03 2010
the lantern

Fishtales is the worst excuse for a human being from Australia. Germany has Hitler. America has Bush. England has 98% of it’s population and Australia has fishhead.

His attitude towards women and sex is downright vulgar. They say that the people that brag a lot about how much pussy they get are the ones that hardly get any action that doesn’t involve a bottle of lube and a wanking dock.Fishhead fits the bill. What about how he’s out gallivanting around the globe giving Australians a bad reputation.He’s hammed up the aussie accent to the point where it sounds like he has a speech impediment.I’m Australian and I can hardly understand his slurred drawl at times.Thanks to him and other alcoholic piece of shit bogan Australians that go traveling these days Australians are starting to get a bad reputation on the traveling circuit.Ten years ago People where happy to hear someone was from Australia.Now we’re in the same basket as loud mouth obnoxious Americans and whinging poms.

Fishhead and other redneck plebs such the Harrington twins and wade g are unfortunately idolized by grommets.some role model for the youth.What are reef thinking?

Other than the heinous attitude towards life lets take a moment to ponder fishheads physical attributes as a boardshorts/sandal footwear model.Fishhead has the worst hair ever, a big unsightly boof of fluff that looks like Kramer got out on the wrong side of bed.What about that tomahawk of a nose?That things bigger than his little white worm.I expect that the only girls that would fuck that roughnut would be loose bar bangers that would demand 12 inches of steel for full satisfaction. Upon seeing fishheads drug withered appendage he’s probably had many a slut give up on his lackluster pork sword and jump on to his nose for a bit of clitoral stimulation. A girls got to get off somehow. Those teeth,so big, so yellow.Do they glow in the dark?Not a very good backdrop for a thin bloodless pair of lips.The beady little eyes.So heartless,so jaded.not a shred of human decency to be found. This troglodyte never heard of suncream and moisturizer,his skins as dry as learther and scaley like the cold blooded reptile he is,stomach covered in a rug of unsightly hair and bloated into the beer gut of a man ten years his senior.Looks like the pricks got a yeast infection.

Does this sound like a good poster child for a company wanting to hawk boardshorts and sandals?This drug fucked moron is a mascot for everything that is wrong with the youth of Australia.Sure a few delinquent youths and surfer bogans might be impressed by his antics but as a global company he’s sure as hell not going to impress the majority of the target market.I’m amazed that with such poor judgment reef has enjoyed so much success.

Reef make some good footwear but I won’t be buying any tell they get fid of fishhead.

Boycott reef and vote 1 lantern

p/s I’ve never once laughed at any of fishheads efforts.The only thing that made me laugh was that photo at followthefish.tv where his widgety grub is hanging out and it’s about 3 inches.
One last thing. He surfs like a downright kook

23 03 2010
Bobby Bane

Diogenes couldn’t have found a rock using this Lantern.

23 03 2010
Robot

Lantern is an automated response system.

Type a comment on Jew you get JEW DOWN A WELL comment.

Type in sorry Ozzies, and you get THE FISH Comment.

Next form of advertising on the net.

23 03 2010
Might I Suggest...

…that Lantern purchase a box of crayons and write his comments on the wall of his basement apartment. Lant, just stay clear of your pile of soiled diapers and be careful not to trip on that hardbound limited edition collectors copy of Mein Kampf.

When you first showed up, I said everyone is welcome to paddle out at our break if they know what they’re doing and have a little respect…

What you did was show up on a fucking SUP, shit your boardshorts and take donuts on every single set wave. Time to paddle yourself in and take up skimboarding.

23 03 2010
CORPO

Might i suggest that might i suggest loves to cuddle with the industry lantern hates.

Poor lantern has no idea how far “Cali” surfers have their heads up the industry’s ass in attempt not to miss some hot shit.

23 03 2010
mark

Another great day of surf in Southern California.

Let the good times roll!

23 03 2010
the lantern

Might i suggest that you love it and your a jew
The Lantern has been taking all the biggest set waves and totally ripping. Who are you to tell King lantern how to ride a wave?
The lantern lives in a palace, dresses in tailor made finery and doesn’t own a copy of Mein Kampf. Might i suggest you watch an episode of southpark. Cartmans rips on jews are out of this world

vote 1 lantern

23 03 2010
mark

Throw the Lantern down the well.

23 03 2010
The Nug

@Mark
Nothing beats a decent combo swell. Good surf today at my nook for sure.
@Lantern
You’re going to have to figure out a way to use less words or to make the words you do chose more entertaining. Just sayin’.

23 03 2010
Goo Goo Muck

The only thing more annoying than all the ethnicities Lantern hates combined?

Lantern himself.

23 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

It was the best of times at Nugable. We had reconvened a solid core crew from Postsurf. Eunichs, sandwiches, righties, lefties. All were welcome. There was turmoil, there was namecalling, there were perhaps too many dick jokes.

What there *wasn’t* was a bunch of bullshit racism and outright hate. And those who stopped in and tried to troll for it were quickly outsmarted, outmanuevered, and outgamed. Defeated, they crawled away to other, more typical comments sections.

But with the emergence of the Lantern (or, as I like to call him, The Shit Firehose), this all changes. He doesn’t know that he’s lost. He is the guy at the party that everyone tries to avoid, the guy who sits next to you on the bus when there are plenty of open spots, the guy who doesn’t take a social cue and just keeps talking, far too loudly. What’s worse, he has no concept of how stupid one has to be to write off entire groups of people and think it’s fine to do so as long is one is an “equal opportunity” fuckwit.

And like a stalker ex-girlfriend, the more you tell him to go away, the more he takes *any* contact as encouragement and comes right back for more. In other words, he is fueled by our collective disgust.

The only way to turn out the Lantern is to pretend it doesn’t exist. Just skip over its (and its alias’s) massive blocks of attention-starved diarrhea and continue as before. As simple as ignoring the shouting drunk at the end of the bar while you enjoy a few rounds with good friends.

Trust a hearty breakfast on this one, friends. It is the only solution. Goodnight Lantern, and good luck waking up.

23 03 2010
Randomrandomness

In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn’t a professor to wake me up.

23 03 2010
Bone an Raized

I’m w/ you Jamon! I kinda feel the same way about Chas.
Think Mick is getting what he deserves. Use the slur, pay for it, YOU IGNORANT ASS!
Good surf across the Pacific!
How’s the surf in your neighborhood Jamon?

23 03 2010
Bob Friggin Marley

Fact is, Fanning is being made to look like a racist but the author is more of an ACTUAL racist type of writer. He and Reily, who shares a similar editorial disposition, enjoy putting the race cat among the PC pigeons. They pretend they’re being ironic but they’re really just promoting their own prejudices and attempting to spread a little anti-left confusion among the youth, more for their own amusement and ego trip than anything else.
To them, the surf world (which should be all Hemingway and Noll and other macho homo-erotic icons) has been ruined by PC, lefty, greeny, caring, sharing ’60s bullshit. They want to make their mark by shocking the shit out of the older generation and playing with the ignorance of the youth. They do this by employing, admittedly, some refreshing and excellent writing, ruined by stratospheric levels of arrogance, regular editorial felation of those they love to ensure strategically important loyalty (AI, the wolf pack, Dane, Jordy,any pro who wears tight jeans and/or a discernible hairstyle), and dissing anything that aint macho dick swinging.
They’re so far ahead that shallow is the new deep; hate is the new love; and of course looking at the world through race-tinted spectacles isn’t just fine, kids, it’s FUNNY!
I complained about one Charlie Smith’s piece on likebitchin saying he was basically glorifying fascism and race hatred (can’t remember if it was the post about how great Portugal was under a fascist dictator and what a shame apartheid ended; or the post that was simply photos of real lynchings of black people in the US South circa 1959, ‘lynch tourists’ watching them with huge smiles and obviously cheering. Of course the piece had a gleeful intro. There have been many vile posts and writings along those lines by CS and/or DR).
“Yep, I’ve been doing quasi-fascism for a long time, buddy”, was Smith’s predictably smug response.
I believe he really is that way inclined, so getting a chance to sit on the high-horse and watch drunk, stupid, white australian (ie built in ignorance of the whole race issue) Mick Fanning get nailed for being antisemitic … hoist on Stab’s twisted petard … well you can be sure that CS and DR are cackling like SS man-monkeys in their bondage dungeon as they discuss how the Stab Reich project is progressing.
Meanwhile, poor little brother Jed was just trying to keep up with them and of course went over the top and had to grovel to Icah Wilmot’s dad. Not cool. Thing is, he was so straight about his apology – sounded like he actually cared – that he emerged far more of a man than Derek “I don’t do smug” Reily, and his Fascist in Espadrilles sidekick ever will.

23 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

@Bone a.R….

Good ole phantom swell right now, and I am not liking the buoy data at all…next 24 hours will tell…

23 03 2010
Chas Smith

A pox on anyone who should consider me as a writer with the shelf life of the latest trucker-hat trend. Emo is still cool right? And the hipster hasn’t devolved into self-parody yet, right?

Besides, I’m already hoping on the next underground trend in which males get boob jobs and split their penis’s in half. It’s like so totes the shiz.

Derek already got horn implants in his forehead. He’s adoreable… just like Steds.

23 03 2010
SHE

Racism shouldn’t even exist in this day and age. We’re all a bunch of mutts anyways. Crude generalization I’ve found when traveling- The more mixed the ethnicities become the hotter the chicks are…ever seen a hot inbred?http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/Woolz1/InbredMyspaceLoserGirls.png
Let’s talk about something else now–The Lantern– The Lantern surfs faster than the two time world champ. The Lantern shreds over every mere mortal. The Lantern surfed a bigger wave than even the almighty Laird . The Lantern always hoots for himself. The Lantern wears a puka shell necklace and has a tribal tatoo. The Lantern loves how it makes him feel when he boasts about himself from a third-person perspective.
The Lantern needs to grow up before he paddles outside.
@Lantern listen to The Nug at 11:40:12 and they’ll let you catch a wave or two.

23 03 2010
the lantern

@ bob frickin marley.Your comment id dead on the money. i especially like the line the racist cat amongst the pc pidgeons. Oh how the lantern hates ppl that are PC.C.S and D.R have written a few articles that are a bit off like that recent one on stab colors of a 2can but they’ve written some outstanding litrature.

@ CORPO ..lol

@ The NUG Nice commenting forum u have here sir. Do you have any suggestions on how i can be more entertaining?I find myself fairly entertaining but that’s because i’m an egomaniac.40 foot high and empowered.

@ jamon bagel. Your probably a fucking jew. Go eat some jew food i mean bagels.The lantern doesn’t drink alcohol.The lanterns the guy at your house boning your missus while your out getting drunk and watching fooseball like the pleb that you are.

@enoch ward. where u hiding out old mate. Your comments are inspirational.

23 03 2010
smyrnajeff

I bet Mark is stoked with this Lantern loser.

Takes the heat off a little if you know what I mean.

23 03 2010
the lantern

@smyrnajeff – it’s funny you say that. In the last nugable article mark professed to liking me.I was flattered but the latin has a preference for the latino female.
The lantern is no loser.The lantern is a module of success.Jeff is a shit name.It conjures up images of a village idiot drunk on smirnoff vodka talking to himself in the rain.

23 03 2010
Bone an Raized

Of the 498 surfers polled@Bowls this weekend,which of course makes up about 2% of those that surf there, none of them miss Mark.

23 03 2010
La Madera

Oy Ve.. .I’m over this

23 03 2010
tj

@ lantern – wade g (wade goodall?) in the same category as bogan Fishhead?
I think he’s quite the cultured, quietly spoken young fella. Why do you suggest he practices boganism?

23 03 2010
the lantern

The lantern witnessed footage of wade goodall driving around in a car with his red neck bogan comrades writing off this and that which was all very well until they decided to drive into a trailer park where retired people lived and there was an old guy on the side of the road looking a little confused and wade said something rude to him and then refered to him as an ‘old cunt’ to his friends and they all laughed at him.
Not very quiet or cultured but ever so boganish

vote 1 lantern

23 03 2010
Mike

@Lantern 16:34…

Fucking hilarious, mind if poach that joke?

You guys did realize Mel Gibson was an Aussie….

23 03 2010
the lantern

@ mike
Sure feel free to tell that joke.It’s a little ripper if i do say so myself.
yea i knew mel gibson was an aussie. Who cares if he called someone a jew.People make such a big deal over nothing these days. They where getting roasted in gas chambers 70 years ago. Get over it already.

vote 1 lantern

24 03 2010
Uhhhhh... huh huh huh

Derrrrrrr…

24 03 2010
100!!

Anyone who posts after this will taste the hemorrhoid juice that leaks from Lewis Samuels’ taint every time he sneezes.

24 03 2010
God

The lantern displeases me. Continue your nonsensical babbling and you may find yourself in the dark.

24 03 2010
WattsRiots

I like Stab mag. Calling Mick boring – that is dead on!

25 03 2010
DemonFactory » Chas Smith calls Bullshit on Mick Fanning

[…] the pissing fest between Stab’s Chas Smith and Mick/Eugene Fanning. If not, then go check out Nugable to get caught up first before you read the rest of […]

25 03 2010
Fish

Fanning is an idiot. Stab was right to call that Kook out. The fact he gets a hall pass from the surfing community is bs.

25 03 2010
Taj's Burro

Yoo hoo, Mickie… Alcohol = Truth Serum.

No go fuck yourself.

25 03 2010
stu

hate to break it, but this is really Target and Nike 6.0 at work. Mick was framed. Look for the “Kolohe’s not a Jew-Hater” adverts coming soon to a TWS mag near you.

25 03 2010
stu

I heard Mick’s brother was friends with a Jew – and Mick had him killed.

26 03 2010
Ye Old Surfe

Surf media? Surfer, Surfing, TWSurf, and the rest of them are nothing but glorified advertising sections.

26 03 2010
Blasphemy ball ache

The real issue is Chas smith all of a sudden claiming to be a real journalist reporting on ‘important facts’ in the ‘interest of the public’ – farcical coming from him. He, along with Derek Reilly are very bloody lucky they’ve taken all that racist likebitchin.com content offline, or he would be strung up by anyone investigating this story. Micks comments were, whatever. He’s not racist, and thats that.

26 03 2010
The Lantern

For those that really care, you’ll find footage of me on RedTube’s gay porno link. And yes, I’m the one with my face to the camera.

Vote 1 Lantern

29 03 2010
Dick Fanning

He probably isn’t a racist in the sense that he goes about his day caring what race people are. He’s just really dumb and ignorant and probably would have joined the NAZI party if it was already in power, or was even moderately popular in Australia. The best athletes often say ignorant things that make them more famous and this will likely do that for a moment. I would love for surfing media to acknowledge that drugs and fighting aren’t cool and that having a brain doesn’t hurt your surfing. Also, can we please stop using “respect” as an excuse to kick ass in the water… its f’**in ridiculous.

9 04 2010
cool shirt.

I’m not the biggest fan of Mick, actually think hes a dickhead. I grew up on the coast and saw him spit on chicks at parties, complete disrespectful pig. his comments dumb and racist but were in the company of people that wouldnt have taken it seriously.

In saying that, stab is just searching for a story. For some reson the guys from stab think they are cooler than most because they wear skinny jeans and fucking ray bans. The word journalist has been used very loosely here.

10 years time chas smith will be still trying tobe a journo attempting to write puff pieces about how he is above the old surfing industry and scene, mick will be loaded, happy, maybe a few more world titles but with shit fashion sense according to stab. whos the winner.

19 05 2010
Dan

Mick was calling Smith a “Jew” because he knew Smith was racist toward Jews and it would piss him off.

There is really not much more to this story.

7 05 2011
4 11 2011
Laurice Branscome

Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to assert that I get in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently fast.

22 11 2011
Mick Fanning: Ironic or Racist? |

[…] Nug’s piece against the surf media and industry with contrast to how a similar situation might have played out in real sports and real media is here. […]

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