Notes from the Quik Pro Part III

4 03 2010

Parko Defeats Dane? Wait...that's not right.

There is white smoke rising from the Coolangotta Vatican. A new Pontiff has been selected. His name is John Paul Dane I. But the Pope is not perfect. He is human. He has his faults. Like the time he told Africans not to wear condoms. For the sake of future surfing generations, Dane should never wear a condom.
 
The storyline of the day was upsets. Big, nasty ones. After witnessing favorite sons Joel Parkinson and Mick Fanning lose, Australians must feel like Dick Cheney when he found out his daughter was gay.
 
Kai Otton’s disposal of Mick Fanning was impressive indeed. Yesterday I spoke highly of his backhand surfing on the tricky Snapper walls. The day after he threw the bones like a craps shooter on a roll in Vegas, and Ottz beat the house. Then he ran into Pit Boss Bobby Martinez. No person should be able to surf Snapper on his backhand like that. I am convinced Bobby sold his soul to the Devil many moons ago at the crossroads of Bates Road.
 
Speaking of Rincon, It should surprise no one that the only two Americans remaining grew up in close proximity to the California pointbreak.
 
Jordy Smith beat Kelly Slater soundly. He deserved that one, but he has been on the good side of several close calls including his heat with Bede Durbidge. Bede was underscored on the 6.5. That I am sure of.

When Kelly Slater surfs we watch like a dog  sticking his head out of an open window of a moving car. We are happy. Win or lose.
 
Taj Burrow is quietly winning. Everyone is talking about everyone else. What about Taj? “When God? When does he get to see the Goddamn sailboat?”
 
Adriano is the best Brazilian ever. I would not be surprised if they built a statue of him overlooking Rio. Jesus is old news. Yesterday there were approximately 5,000 babies born in Brazil. They were all named Adriano.

The most important ingredient in competitive surfing is quality waves. 2009 was a weak year as far as waves go on the WCT. When the waves are good not much else matters. Even bad decisions can’t screw up a good thing. Which leads me to the comment of the day…
 
“Nice Guys Finish First” summed up the decision to run the women’s draw after round 4. “I just heard that when the Cavs meet the Lakers in the NBA final they are going to halt it after the series is tied 2 to 2 and hold the final game of the WNBA finals. Kind of let Kobe and Lebron rest a little you know.”

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141 responses

4 03 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

After a humiliating incident on the headland that divides QLD and NSW last night, I have been placed on some sort of offenders list.
I don’t care.
I light up a Gitanes and raise the car seat up from the reclined position. My head spins. My Corolla radiates as a heady mix of aromas. Wet carpet. Hash. Gin. Vodka. Red Bull. Body fluids. Blue cheese. Mos Burgers, which is peculiar, as I didn’t know they were in Australia. Sheila. Sheila. Sheila. Sheila take a bow.
A drunken urge to once again try to put away those thoughts of Kelly has rendered it impossible for me to go back to the hotel. I should have listened to Jamie. Never trust a working girl, just trust in yourself and Red Bull. But here I am. The paltry Stab Magazine per diem barely keeps me in pain au chocolat let alone pay for a destroyed hotel room with ‘Charlie Don’t Surf’ smeared on the wall with the faeces of an indeterminable animal.
Everyone thinks it’s fucking easy to be the only actually literate surf writer. I mean, look at Tim Baker. That guy can’t even finish a novel and is asking people on the Internet for help, for fuck’s sake. When did anything good start on the Internet? What was it that Zappa said? “Most rock journalism is people who can’t write, interviewing people who can’t talk, for people who can’t read.” Where does that leave surf journalism? I’m fucked. Hard. I’m too good to be wasted on this shit.
I inhale deeply on my Gitanes, then exhale like a backlit Dietrich. I always smoke like someone is filming me, even when I’m alone. Out of the Corolla and into the open air, I spot Dane. He’s flying a rainbow-coloured kite on the headland, his girlfriend filming him with a Super 8 camera and taking photos with a Lomo Lubitel 166+. A Quiksilver minder is telling him he’s late for his semi-final. “It’s all good”, Dane says, “…all part of the plan”. His girlfriend giggles as he deftly pulls the strings. “By not turning up, I win – can’t you see?” The minder is on the phone, gesticulating wildly. By this time, I’m back in the car, masturbating wildly. The kite is in the sky, oscillating wildly.
“Like Zappa said, dude”, Dane, now on a roll, continues, “Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.”
I cum. Hard.

4 03 2010
The Nug

@Charlie
Your words resonate with truth. But it is only surfing. A wise man once said, or maybe it was Cyndi Lauper….”Girls just want to have fun.”

They really sprayed your walls? That’s fucked.

4 03 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

Not ‘sprayed’ Nug, ‘smeared’. Words are important. Well they used to be. Now I get five Aussie cents a word for writing dribble for Stab.

5 03 2010
ButSeriouslyNow...

shit ( literally ) — now THAT was funny…

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

*applause*

Alright so listen yo. You know for me for you, you know I was really feeling that post. Seriously dawg, that was HAWT!! The dawg was REALLY feelin’ it na’mean??! You really hit your stride up on that stage. It was straight dope. Whuuuut!!

*ahem*

(Wife made me watch American Idol on Tivo with her last night)

Anywhoo. That was perhaps you best post ever Nug.

Excellent.

Many LOLS.

4 03 2010
@ random

Im confused ? What did you cum to: Dane, the kite or dane’s girlfriend???

If it was dane or danes ranga you are a twisted Ozzie……….

4 03 2010
GDub

How ’bout the Jordy/Dane matchup coming up? Everything we wanted to see, or just another fortunate turn of events for the industry?

Ummm, I want to see it. You want to see it. But still, feels kinda like a WWF fight or something- two big sweaty dudes jumping on each other while some fatass dude’s eyes turn to dollar signs and we all clap like giddy little sheep. Yay. Yay for those marquee matchups.

4 03 2010
@ random

are you talkin about Brodie carr??

mailman said he is really skinny when he is naked.

4 03 2010
@ Seppos

Im going to crush Bobby and Dane and the 2 16 year old models……

not really taj burrowed

4 03 2010
Fake Charlie Smith

@ random,
What did I cum to? The sound of my own voice, of course. Watching Dane’s young, impressionable naïveté sent a frisson of excitement through my loins, but merely stirred the beast. It did not sate the beast. Have to run, police have arrived…

4 03 2010
sheapez

@nug

lunchtime= macaroni and cheese with my daughter… I laugh, she asks ‘why you laughing daddy’. I tell her I’m reading a funny story about flying a kite. Now I have to make up a G rated version of @charlie flying his kite.

Loved the NBA analogy!!!! hopefully the guys come back on the court with the same touch, they were feeling it yesterday

4 03 2010
Jimmicane

First of all, Bede was not underscored. He surfed that wave so goddamn safely, you can’t give an above average score for that garbage. He is the Ruben Feffer (Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly) of surfing. He is vanilla. He is Tim Duncan of surfing only not a champion. Fuck Bede.

And another thing, the Cavs will not make the finals. Have you watched the Magic lately? Apparently not. Watch Sunday.

4 03 2010
The Nug

Bede The Merciful will not be kind on your soul.

4 03 2010
sheapez

I love my Magic Jimmy! They’ve been hitting those threes!!!!!!! Cavs vs Magic is a similar matchup to Jordy(Cavs) vs Dane(Magic). If Dane is hitting his threes he can’t be beat, and neither can the Magic when they’re on.

4 03 2010
Rick James

It has been said that i too have a Magic Jimmy…..

4 03 2010
@ random

I never sat at the cool kids table, then one day they were at my table and i had to leave………..

4 03 2010
George bush

Enjoying a surf now and then in Ventura, I am a Dane guy…, but he didn’t beat Parko. Perhaps the new head judge understands what the WCT desperatley needs is new faces on the podium. Dane would be a good start.

Dane/Jordy IV: Dane is 3-0 against Jordy including a drubbing in macking lefties in Tahiti and a close one at J-Bay.

4 03 2010
George bush

Anyone seen that Gieco commercial with Charlie Daniels? Bobby should have addressed his fellow tour goofy’s after that heat against Otto and said “That’s how you do it son”.

4 03 2010
Rick James

Been hearing a lot of accusations of COCAINE use during the comp. Does the asp even drug test?? (in countries other than France)

And is a G as astronomically prized as the say in OZ. (thinking about a smuggling trip on nugs boat “the keiran Perrow”)

4 03 2010
stu

don’t let chris cote hear you mention coke, particularly if the names Andy or Bruce are close by. Nobody is doing anything wrong on tour, understand? I said NOBODY!

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Speaking of randomness:

I absolutely have to give mad props to that one Gudauertyw6ski brother. The one with the blonde mullet that is not on the CT. The one with the eeenteresting look. Yeah, him. So, I do not normally buy into the whole ‘retro’ fad, as they say in modern parlance. By when you can pull of the Triassic Period, circa the dawn of time, I give you all the mad propz in the world.

Word.

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

I’ll ride a triceratops naked through a field of Ryan Seacrest fans listening to Adam Lambert gently sodomize Boy George if Jordy doesn’t beat Dane.

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Ward: How the fuck were you thinking dinosaurs at the same time I was?

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Holy shit!

Great inebriated minds think alike.

What is your favorite dinosaur?

Mine was always the Steggosaurus until I saw Jurrasic Park. Then I switched to the raptors. They are so cool.

4 03 2010
The Nug

My favorite dinosaur is the Pterodactyl. I did not know how to spell it so I looked it up. For some reason my dictionary has a photo of Owen Wright.

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Apparently dinosaurs had feathers, a precursor to the birds into which they would eventually evolve. I imagine that is why Jordy is able to walk upright.

4 03 2010
The Nug

I have been enjoying Charlie’s Quik Pro stories in both Surfing and Stab.

I have been also enjoying Steve Shearer on Swellnet. http://www.swellnet.com.au/news/365-the-outsider—day-four

4 03 2010
sheapez

@nug

Thanks for the link to Swellnet. Joel lost because of the safety turn Steve mentions.

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

This is getting creepy.

4 03 2010
VillageIdiot

GW –
You judge surfing about as well as you govern. Watch the Dane/Parko heat again, there is no possible way you could logically (not a strong point for Evangelicals, I know) believe Parko won. You truly are everything that is wrong with this world, surfing included.

4 03 2010
VillageIdiot

That’s George Bush, not the real Gdub. Sorry

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Jordy looks like a cross-eyed Woolly Mammoth.

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

And Dane looks like the Neanderthal who speared him. There’s your billing for this heat, Quiksilver! ‘The Surfin’ Cave-Dweller vs. Creature from the Pleistocene’!

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Fred Flintstone vs. Barney Rubble in The Battle for Bedrock!

4 03 2010
mark

I am “nice guys finish first”.

Gotta take credit for a good quote since I very rarely get recognition for my work on this site. Except last week.

Also hats off, or “cheers” as the convicts say, to SmyrnaDane. I hope he fares well here on the left coast.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Hi Mark.

Welcome back. But more importantly, what is your favorite dinosaur?

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Or, in limerick form:

There once was a surfer named Dane
Whose diff’rences brought him acclaim
But a Saffa named Smith
Might set Quik’s plan adrift
While he splits twenty cougars in ‘twain

4 03 2010
The Nug

@mark
Gold star then. The moral of the story is stick to one name. But I do like Symna. He’s the type of guy I’d like to hunt alligators with on a fanboat, drunk on tequilla and Billy Beer.

@Shea
Steve at Swellnet is good huh?

4 03 2010
Rick James

is steve a racist too?? (it would make him even cooler)

4 03 2010
The Nug


Billy

4 03 2010
Uncle tom

I remember them beers, that was back in the day when you could put your dog on any coon walking the dirt road…….

4 03 2010
sheapez

@Nug

Steve has a fine eye, and not just for a mans thigh.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Enoch Ward,
That sir, is an insult to the tundra mammoth.
To think that Jordy was once an exciting surfer, now modifying his act so he doesn’t have to work as a game warden. Surely even the cougars are having second thoughts about riding his Woolly Mammoth.

Especially if he puts his own music on to ‘set the mood’.

4 03 2010
The Nug

Bravo. You had me for a while.

I say we all join forces and make the best surf site in the world…at least until Interpol or the CIA shuts it down and we end up in Guantanamo. But there’s waves in Cuba right?

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Nug, you OK?

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Oops

4 03 2010
The Nug

Women are on. I think I just saw Hemmingway in the competator’s area. Anyone else see that?

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Some hijinks are afoot here.

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Someone fess up quick…

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Rosie Hodge has a purty mouth.

I want to touch it.

With my lap dragon.

4 03 2010
mark

My uncle in Alabama has 2 cases of Bily Beer, unopened, at his house.

He also has an early seventies Lincoln Town Car with under 100 miles on it.

He is getting a little senile so I have thought about just selling them out from under him and going to Austrailia for a year.

Any bidders?

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Someone’s identity has been breached and I want names, addresses, phone numbers. We need to notify their next-of-kin.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

You know there are women in Australia who have IQs in three figures. None of them are involved in this webcast.

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Nug what’s going on brother? You spelled ‘competitive’ fine in the post.

4 03 2010
The Nug

Must be all those Vietnamese classes I’ve been taking.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Lisa Andersen. Boobies.

4 03 2010
rick james

Super spectacular nugable???

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

And by three figures, you would of course mean skinny, medium, and fat, correct?

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

You used to be funny, what happened? Has your indentity been hijacked as well?

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

I’ve been sayin’ it for a while now, brother.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Writing a complaint that contains absolutely no creativity about a website’s visitor’s lack of humor is like writing a complaint to a prostitute because she didn’t cuddle afterwards. She’s just going to open the letter, see there’s no money inside, and throw it into an apartment complex dumpster.

I really thought we had something special.

You fucking bitch.

*grabs blanky, crawls into corner and starts sucking his thumb*

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

We do have something special. That part-time Jewish surf writer tore us asunder. If I meet him in a carpark there will be no mercy.

Give the freakin’ trophy to the Golden Girl and send the men out. And by men I don’t mean Claire Bevilacqua.

4 03 2010
The Nug

Look out soon for a Nugable iPhone app. It will cost $50 bucks and it will have cool features like ability to access the Internet you are already paying $100 a month for. You’ll also get a link to goggle maps so you can find the closest liquor stores and medicinal marijuana dispensaries.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Nothing like getting amped for your heat with a little Kylie Minogue.

Sound familiar PeterPerfect?

Heh heh.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Still not funny. You lose. BTW, I have had been amped by a little Kylie Minogue. But I don’t kiss and tell.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Rosie Hodge should change her name to Tiffany, or Lisa, or anything else. I mean, when you hear the name Roseann Hodge, does anyone immediately think “hot chick?”

My pig-radar goes off the charts when I hear a name like that.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Sorry, even worse. Hodge = hog. Roseann = Rosanne Barr. Obvious humor. Jay called, he wants you on the show.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@PeterPerfect

Alright dammit, I quit.

Wait. I’m not Mark.

Or are I…??

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Don’t quit. White Lightning was the 3rd best surfer of the upcoming Goldy crew a few years ago. Now look at him.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

That roving ‘reporter’ is making my ears bleed. Worst Australian accent ever. And that’s saying something.

4 03 2010
The Nug

She makes the Jet Star Airlines girl sound like Stephen Hawking…

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Here’s a funny joke:

A man walks into a bar and shoots PeterPerfect.

The end.

LOLCOPTRZZZ!!!!11!11!!!

4 03 2010
The Nug

What I like about Silvana Lima is she speaks English better than half the USC football team.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Dear Rosie Hodge,

My wife died mysteriously this morning when I pushed her in front of a bus. I need to be consoled. Please answer my calls. I left you 33 messages on your Iphone during your heat against Chelsea Clinton. I also taped some poems to a rock and hucked it through your bathroom window.

Yours Truly and Forever,

E-Dubbs

P.s.

I am not a creep… at least, not like PeterPerfect.

4 03 2010
The Nug

Quick update. Fake Charlie Smith was just hired by Stab, Surfing, Hustler and the New Yorker.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Wot! Not Rolling Stone?

4 03 2010
The Nug

Jann Wenner likes them younger.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

… and Playgirl.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Alas poor Eunuch, he used to be swell.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

I wonder if Jessi Miley-Cyrus goes by Hannah Montana when she puts on the singlet?

**crickets**

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Men’s is ON next! Sweet jesus we can talk about something more interesting than Hannah Montana.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Carissa Moore is the female Dane… or so I have been told. Is she old enough to receive one of my brilliant sonnetts?

I shall refrain until there is confirmation.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

I’m going to crack open another bottle of Chateau Lafite. Eunuch is drinking the urine dribbling unabated from a drunk passed out in an alley.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

PeterPerfect,

You may as well chug Charlie Smith’s jizz straight from the cock. It has a much fuller body, and there are far fewer bubbles.

4 03 2010
The Nug

What time does the Holy Trinity of the Gudauski surf?

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Women’s heats are almost over, Nug, so we wont see the Gudauski’s surf today.

4 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Gentlemen,
Have I been conspicuous by my absence? Probably not…
I wish I could blame my disappearing act on taking Mike’s advice to consume numerous bottles of red wine by the fire with my fiance, but that would be a lie. I only do my drinking to numb the pain after endless days in the central commentary position at ASP comps. Such binge drinking often leads to being hungover at work the next morning, which is one of the reasons you most likely won’t be hearing my sardonic commentary on too many ‘CTs this year. That and the perfect storm of unfortunate circumstances that will keep me from making an appearance at the Hang Loose Pro in Brazil (my half-Argentine bride to be, babysitting duties and my secondary gig as my own wedding planner).

Something that will send shivers of joy up Dingle Berry’s spine, and which will keep less knowledgeable surf fans from confusing me with Snips, Gerr, Stanfield and Nuno Jonet when I’m in the box. It would be hard to mix me up with Cote, since I only drink after work and not while I’m actually on the job.

In reality, the time difference is killing me and until yesterday there wasn’t much to stay awake for. Also, I’ve been experiencing the same technical difficulties with the “Adaptive Flash Stream” as our friend Pedro Perfecto has, who by the way I have deduced is currently hanging out somewhere in Spain. Apparently, according to JFlo’s resident conspiracy theorist (a.k.a. his Dad) the Anglo inventors of the AFS are as biased against European internet users and i.p. addresses as the ASP judges are against the surfing of the Euroforce.

Due to this clusterfuck of modern technology and my refusal to watch on a pixel-filled and constantly buffering/freezing Windows Media Player stream I’ve taken myself out of the rotation and have had to live with a meager diet of Heats on Demand. It’s had me so depressed that I even gave up on hitting the refresh button here on Nugable and entirely missed out on Notes from the Quik Pro Part II and over a half-century worth of comments from Part III. Now that I’m back in virtual reality, I have to say that I’ve enjoyed the last 5 posts here more than anything penned by the author of ‘I Pee Myself’ since said author’s last PR post at the scene of our historic house parties. As our mates from the Land of Oz would say, good on ya’ Nug!

And lastly, before I slink upstairs and silently slip into bed with my lovely bride to be, I’d just like to answer your questions about why they didn’t finish the men’s comp yesterday.
If you’d been listening closely, in between moments of buffering web streams, explanations of which foot a goofy puts forward, which side of the board to wax and interviews while waves were being surfed, you would have heard King Kelly explain that due to the strong sweep (current) running down the bank, it would be extremely difficult to have to surf 4 times in the same day. Since Kelly is not only the King, but earns twice what Bob McKnight does in yearly salary, he is also the Boss of all things Quiksilver. Therefore, it was plainly obvious that the Semis and Finals would be held at a later date so as to avoid the same fiasco that happened to Dane at Trestles last year.
Dear Laird, heads would have rolled if Smyrna’s new namesake and Fake Chas Smith’s newest muse was bundled out of the event due to lack of physical fitness when everybody knows (especially the Quiky Big Wigs, Brodie, the new Head Judge, and JFlo’s conspiracy theorist dad) that he is the Chosen One to win the event. Just sayin’.
And on that note, I will let you get back to the Roxy Pro brought to you by the dulcet tones of the Surfing Sex Bomb (what a cougar) and the Ugly Duckling…. Lisa and Kliney, back to you in the booth!

4 03 2010
Perkus Tooth

Jesus fucking Christ Mailman. I refuse to read that on principle.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mailman,

Dayum Foo’.

Are you planning on submitting that comment tto the Oprah Book of the Month club? Maybe I will print it out and read it later after I get my Ritalin shot.

4 03 2010
The Nug

@MailMan
How much does Tolstoy want as ransom to release you? Shall we get Euros or Dollars?

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Also @ Mailman,

Can you put covertly slide your finger in your fiance’s butthole for me when you slip into bed later? It will help my fantasy’s when I polish one off in the bathroom later.

Thank you, good sir.

4 03 2010
Peter Perfect

Mailman, you may not be next to the fire, but you’re firing. I’ve downgraded to the ASX stream, which in layman’s terms means blocks of 20 pixels moving randomly, but with commentary. I *hate* Adobe.

Lisa is a Surfing Sex Bomb indeed. And she still has more style than any woman surfer ever on tour. Oh, and boobies.

BTW: Fake Charlie Smith is JO’B

4 03 2010
The Nug

Oh how I want Dane to win. I just made a Jordy Voodoo doll out of a Babe Ruth bobblehead and a tube sock.

Here we go. Semiiiiiiiiiiiis!

4 03 2010
Dave Mailman

I was only planning on making one comment today, but had a lot of things to say.
Perkus, if your A.D.D. makes it to too hard to focus for the minute or so it would take, so be it.
E-Dub, my ladies an MD, I’ll fly her out on the next available flight to administer whatever drugs you need.
Nug, Euros only please. Dollars ain’t worth shit nowadays.

4 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Would it be too obvious to say we’re all hoping for an all SoCal final here on the Goldy?

4 03 2010
The Nug

Yes All SoCal would be nice. We should secure the Popemobile and just to be safe keep Bobby away from the Coolangotta Book Depository.

4 03 2010
Dave Mailman

PP,
I tried that for awhile last night. Got a migraine faster than Fanndroid and the rest of the Coolie kids got knocked out of the comp…

4 03 2010
Dave Mailman

Blas,
Just for you, I’ll give it a try. Will probably get me banished to the couch for the night, but what the heck! Why not!?!

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mailman,

What is your favorite dinosaur?

4 03 2010
The Nug

Taj crushed that wave could have been an 8.5 if he landed that air. Probably a 7.33

4 03 2010
Dave Mailman

EW,

Does a Woolly Mammoth count as a dinosaur? If not I’ll go with the Bro-ntosaurus. I’m a closet Cote fan.

4 03 2010
The Nug

Cote’s Closet is my favorite feature on Transworld.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Bobby!!!!

Beautiful aerial. Mid 9.0.

4 03 2010
The Nug

Taj is on fire. That last turn by Taj looked like b/s Disaster down a handrail. B’s air was nice too. Great heat so far.

4 03 2010
Dave Mailman

OK bad boys (no gentlemen on this site). It’s time for me to leave the Land of Oz and head off to La La Land. I just hope that when I wake, our Laird and Saviour will have made my wildest dreams come true. That Jesus has come back to save the Earth. Just kidding. That Dane has won the comp! All my fingers are crossed!

4 03 2010
Dave Mailman

OK, just one last one. I do believe that TB is ripping, but BMart’s BS Air was worth way more that a 6.67, and I think his first wave deserved a bit more thanks his linkage and flow… Surprisingly, the AFS isn’t bugging out AS MUCH today as yesterday, but still too annoying to stay up to watch for another couple of hours. So once and for all, I bid you goodnight!

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

You are correct Mailman. Criminally underscored. The height alone was excellent. But I do think Taj’s Burrow surfed better overall and deserved the Final berth.

4 03 2010
WattsRiots

That was so fucking classic. Announcer, “Do you have a sentimental favorite”? Bobby, “What do you mean”?

I don’t know if he didn’t understand, or if he was just thinking “fucking sentimental, are you kidding me?”!

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

This heat so far between Dane and Jordy is uglier than PeterPerfect’s colon after being invaded by Lewis Samuel’s fist.

4 03 2010
Barry Dingle

Uglier than Dane’s girlfriend. Jordy’s warming up, look out Taj. Taj is looking too stiff, needs to loosen his shoulders, like peterperfect has to loosen his sphincter. Lewis’ hands are huge!

4 03 2010
Barry Dingle

Bobby’s interviews are all time. I’m sure the O’neill guys just cringe, at least he didn’t drop a bomb this time.

So glad Todd Kline is not in the booth…

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Wah – Wah – Wah

Talk about taking the wind out of the sails. These guys looked like they were trying to lose. The waves did their part by being shoddy as well – typical for the final rounds of an event.

Taj just won the first comp of the year. He shouldn’t even have to surf against Jordy in the final.

4 03 2010
buccaneer

Why the fuck did they run the mens comp at hightide? The girls had way better waves at the lower tide earlier,stupid fucking convicts. The surf was just crap for the Dane Jordy semi.I wanted to see those guys kill it but that was painful to watch and fucking boring.pffft.

4 03 2010
Barry Dingle

jordy beat dane in the mod coll popularity poll, and then gets the edge here, but damn is dane likeable. can’t wait for his next blog post.

4 03 2010
mark

the organizers screwed the pooch big time with this event.

running the final in lackluster waves while squandering a great opportunity by running the ladies during the better low tide in the morning.

no wonder pro surfing gets zero respect.

plus jordy, great surfer that he is, did not beat tiago OR bede.

hard to get pumped for the season under these circumstances.

4 03 2010
Elwood

The pro’s did their part to make it a solid event…

Thanks to … Dane, Bede, Taj, B-Mar, and Jordy (kinda). And Nug for providing the forum for some decent commentary. As far as Quick, ASP, announcers, etc… I don’t even want to go there… it will just make me in a foul mood.

Why they didn’t hold the finals last night in solid low tide conditions during prime time I don’t get….. maybe ask Dane… huh?

So next up we get to watch a bunch of heats in high tide side-shore Bells… yeah!

Slater and Bede will be out for blood at Bells… look out.

4 03 2010
sheapez

I have no comment at this time for what happened to the Quik Pro

4 03 2010
WattsRiots

I do, fucking tragic that they sent Dane & Jordy out into that mess. Fucking bullshit.

4 03 2010
sheapez

That was the Quik Pro?

4 03 2010
Mike

Long day on the road in Nugshood, even checked Padang Padang (28th St). Asked around, no Nug. An hour to kill, what about Newpy shores?…. “where’s the Nug?” Two kids shrugged the unfamiliar term.

Meeting at Trump International. Why do they call a golf course “international”? Funny part is, one of the most localized rights in the world is located just below the course. Used to take a hike to get in and you better have known anyone else out. Now, there is a wide path, perfect for strollers and triathlete’s to access the point. Even a designated parking lot. Sometimes you can’t go home.

Lunada looks fun and is handling the cross wind!

Cold as shit, I negotiated LA while my gun leaks on my paperwork!

Traffic, Malibu, then the searing windsheild of Oxnard blinding the northbound 101.

Exhausted, I pull up the Nug and realize I missed the contest. Taj is paddling out to beat Jordy and my wife pulls the car up for dinner. I know that asking for 30 minutes of patience will mean at least 27 more masterbation sessions before my next taste. My basic instinct is to say “I’ll catch it on Heats on Demand” and I get in the car.

Walk into the Restaurant and the epiphany hits me…..

” Will they even film the final?”… without any sense of cynicism.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Mike,

We missed having you here at our “central commentary booth.” Sufficed to say, all the hype that had built up from yesterday’s stellar surfing was brought to fizzling conclusion in the blown out chop of Snapper. Dane and Jordy wilted under the pressure and Bobby just used up the remaining luck that was with the backsiders. That left Taj to timidly grab this neutered bull by the horns.

In other words, you didn’t miss much in the way of professional surfing.

Just conjure up any final from the Bud Tour on a Sunday afternoon in ‘Victory at Sea’ conditions, and you have painted a reasonable picture of today’s event.

And now, fellow patients of The Nug Assylum, we have the bogfest that also goes by the name of Bells Beach to look forward to.

Chin up lads!

There’s always more bourbon in the fridge.

(at least at the Ward household)

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

“…due to the strong sweep (current) running down the bank, it would be extremely difficult to have to surf 4 times in the same day.” -Slater, as quoted in Mailmans opus

“”Don’t listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son.” -Shitmydadsays

Bottom line, it was ON yesterday. And what the fuck are all the guys hiring personal trainers for if they cant manage four heats? And there was a FUCKING JET SKI to tow them around.

Bad, bad call.

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

PS, thanks for everything, Nuggy. Your shit gets better and better. Plus, that photoshop job on Dane’s head/hair? Inspired.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

We missed you to Jamon. You better get your shit together before Bells. It’s called “calling in sick.” That’s what we do when it’s business time around here.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

P.s.

Jamon and Mike:

What are YOUR favorite dinosaurs????

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Extensive apologies EnWa. Dinnertime is not my strong suit. But I am gonna hire a personal chef, and do some tai bo, and you are gonna see a whole new high-protein Hammy come Winkipop!

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Anklyosaurus, obviously.

4 03 2010
YOKED SKIMBOARDER

Anyone wanna go fight some beach volleyball players? I’m down, man!

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Both of those last comments were fake. I am pretty sure anklyosaurus left them.

4 03 2010
Anklyosaurus

wha?

4 03 2010
Bagel/Dinosaur/Skimboarder Impersaonation Disorder Specialist

Please be advisd that I am taking extensive notes…

4 03 2010
Mike

Jammy is running out of steam, go to bed.

@Enoch… Tyranusauraus, only name I know. I believe in “creation” now and fully “believe” the dinosaur epoch is a clever, left wing conspiracy to pimp Darwin when I now know…. God created Earth in 14 seconds. Cool thing was, Adam and Eve were genetically futuristic to the herd they bore. Impossible you say…. you have no piety.

God bless you angry men emoting on some inconsequential blog by a dude who used to be in the “industry”. Sounds like masterbation to me…. damn, can’t get that shit out of my mind.

The “side effect” of another ASP contest.

You wanted it so bad, and your buddy gets laid.

4 03 2010
Enoch Ward

Lol at whoever is trolling under other aliases.

Jamie O must be hopped up on Red Bull and bored□.

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

Jamie does not have the sesame to pull it off. Clearly its someone with much more dough.

And Mike, anklyosaurus says you are dead wrong about me running out of steam and maybe needing sleep. And by dead wrong, he means absolutely right. Either way you dont want him hitting you with his tail.

Gnight lads.

4 03 2010
Jamon Bagel

PS, any of you get down to SD, do not miss the Museum of Creation in Santee. It is…awe-inspiring.

Now gnight!

4 03 2010
Mike

Are you experiencing a “security breach” EW?

4 03 2010
Smyna Jeff's dog Eidde

Bark bark, Jordy’s nipples are close, bark bark.

Bark bark, uncle Mark is a Jordy groupie, bark bark.

Bark bark, Jordy is an anal junkie, bark bark.

Bark bark, the “assa saffa” lost to Taj acting to Lightning’s script, bark bark.

Bark bark, bell’s is gonna go off, bark bark.

4 03 2010
Elwood

What happens to the new crew from hereon…. they got f…kin school-yarded in Round 3 by the usual suspects….

4 03 2010
Taj's Burro

Tonight the shouts are on me owner.

Two bales please.

Ta.

4 03 2010
Taj's Burro

Oh yes,

Dream Tour my ass.

The surf in that connie today was pure suckage.

5 03 2010
trauzersnake

what the hell’s happening here? I’ve gotten more wrist pain from scrolling these last couple of threads than from beating off. Just because the contest fizzled dosen’t mean nugable dot com has to. c’mon boys!

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