Five Photos, Five Quotes

1 02 2010


Subject: Jay “Bottle” Thompson.
When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
-Robin Williams


Subject: Jamie O’Brien 
It’s impossible to get anywhere without sinning against reason.
-Albert Einstein


Subject: Alex Knost
Though I believe it sinful to be queer, it has at least saved me from becoming
a pillar of the establishment.

-W.H. Auden


Subject: OP Pro 1986
Crazy people can often be very charismatic.
David Mazzucchelli, Asterios Polyp


Subject: Frank Zappa
Rock journalism is people who can’t write interviewing people who can’t
talk for people who can’t read.* 
-Frank Zappa
*Maybe he was talking about surf journalism.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

56 responses

1 02 2010
Thank God the fiery is out

THANK YOU Alex knost for confirming the rumors. He is definetly my favorite FAGGOT longboarder in the world. I heard he can deep throat a 9’6 and NUG at the same time……………..By the way who the fuck cares about him and what he thinks?????? LADY GAGA?????????

1 02 2010
Jay

Love that Zappa photo and yeah, the same could be said of the surf industry.

1 02 2010
Mike

Frank was a very cool dude and independent as all fuck. He had an opinion on everything, including surfing. Told me not to get a job and to keep traveling, never stop and to quit smokin weed. RIP Mr Z.

The “riot” at the OP was a perfect example that a surf contest could be lost within a carnival of commercial chaos.

Fish sure has a fascination for prosthetics, doesn’t he.

Corporate stooge burns the lessor participants rules, but obeys his money masters with consumate product placement.

Give Knost credit…. he opened the “Rainbow wave” closet and looks what’s piled out…. Chas, Jed, Derek and even our own Nug.

1 02 2010
Demon

@Thank God… I am totally amazed by how well you comment while at the same time giving your poodle fellatio???

I’m guessing you have to put him on his back. I mean if he were to be on top while you were doing it, then do you hold his balls to one side with one hand so that you can see the keyboard? Seriously?!?!

Maybe you have that fancy voice/type software. Fuck! That won’t work. You wouldn’t be able to talk into your mic because your mouth is full of Benji’s bone.

Do you let him finish in your mouth? No. You’re prolly a spitter?!?! I’ve only had sheppards. They kind of taste like spoiled mushrooms. Not too bad as long as you can wash it down with some good ole Tallahassee moonshine.

L8

1 02 2010
trauzersnake

LMFAO @ Demon

1 02 2010
Enoch Ward

Re: The Volcom Pipe Pro

Chris Cote’s announcing is analogous to this:

You’re badly drunk at an orgy and blindfolded. Then, suddenly you are staggering towards the toilet in the dark because you have to poop really badly, and some random asshole keeps popping a tapered glass thermometer in your butt. You flail at them blindly in desperate anger, but lose control of your bowels anyway. Everyone winds up being pissed off because they were lying there having a good time and now all of a sudden they have Astroglide and poop on them and the party euphoria has been quelled.

Am I right or is it just me?

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that he’s a pretty good announcer until you realize he’s pimping just about everything except his miniscule pee pee… which he has reserved for Gerry Lopez once Chris dupes him into a couple of roofie-filled glasses of wine.

Amiright, Mr. Coté?

1 02 2010
trauzersnake

A little off topic, but I am OVER all this free-range, organic food bullshit. I don’t give a FUCK if that chicken was cooped up- roast that fucker! Or better yet, deep fry it. Don’t give me some blue tortilla chips-give some some goddam doritos. Like we discuss here so often, another thing for someone to SLAP A LABEL ON and sell to you hook, line, and sinker. I wish all these fuckwits would go buy a few acres in Kansas and start their own fucking farm, ’cause I got news for you, that’s the only way you are going to be organic. I’m goin’ to get a goddam cheeseburger-before they make it illegal….ASSHATS!

That is all.

1 02 2010
Enoch Ward

@Trauzer

If we rid this world of free-range chickens, we won’t have to worry about excuses from the Brazilian ASP contingent if Chopes goes North of ten feet for the contest this year.

1 02 2010
trauzersnake

@enoch ward-

I raise a cold bottle of stone and a marlboro light to you, good sir. The only thing that would be cool about free range chickens is if they gave you a 12 gauge to shoot ’em yourself…”If yous can catch this chicken, then yous can catch Creed.”

1 02 2010
Enoch Ward

Speaking of free-range chickens:

They do have nice breasts once you pluck them. Small, yes. But firm and taut. Like Alana Blanchard’s right gluteal cheek. The left one? Not AS much. The right one’s best.

I would like to cuddle Alana’s right butt-cheek like a newborn infant’s head. After they wipe all that shit off of it, I mean.

And let it dry off a little.

What is that stuff? Pus and ketchup?

What were we talking about?

1 02 2010
Enoch Ward

And I shant leave out Bruna Schmitz.

Bruna’s left breast demonstrates a peak of German Idealism. By which I mean, “firm”-style pillows with taut nipple-defining cloth.

I would quantum tunnel through mountains of old chub (the bait, not the beer) to be skinned and recycled as the faux-leather purse strap that dangles in the precious sweat between her armpit and blossoming boobage.

Which is just to say, I am in awe of their suppleness.

I apologize for the digression.

1 02 2010
trauzersnake

@BR-

I’m losing track of who’s winning the battle of aliases between Mark and yourself-

Jeebus christo, man!

1 02 2010
trauzersnake

In fact I was hoping Frank Woodbury would weigh in on this organic, free-range thing.

1 02 2010
Enoch Ward

I’d punch my dead ancestors in each of their toothy mouths, just to lick the mudflaps of the laundry truck that picks up Bruna’s panties. On a side note I can’t get up from my desk at this moment for it seems the Ringling Bros. Barnun and Bailey Circus has set up shop in my pantalones.

**sigh**

1 02 2010
trauzersnake

…Or how about jamon bagel? I KNOWS they don’t make no organic ham ‘n cheese. I also knows that an organic sandwich is neither a happy of good sandwich.

1 02 2010
Enoch Ward

Who is this BR of whom you speak?

And we all know Mark is currently suffocating under the weight of his mother’s goiter as she gently prods his rectum open for a temperature check. Poor feller took to a fever earier today when he realized his mother was caught breaching just outside the lineup at the Volcom Pro yesterday.

1 02 2010
trauzersnake

That was supposed to be “neither a happy sandwich nor a good sandwich….daddy’s had his elixer, now it’s bedtime.

G’NITE!

2 02 2010
Enoch Ward

And speaking of alter-egos:

I promise to reign in that blasphemous fucker Othello Von Murderhole. Dude always gets mixed up in trivial arguments with the lickers of the so-called “taint.”

2 02 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

I left this little layered nugget (see below) over at Stab. Thought you ‘may’ be interested. You have a mind that may be able to absorb it. Slurp, smack, smack… ahhhh, that cock swaddle tasted wonderful. But…

I thought it was one of me best pieces.

Get thee back here hence, braheim.

“@Bert,

Learning French is like lubing your anus with grape flavored fruit-rollups before Ryan Seacrest walks into the room. It is easy. It is relatively painless. But the next day, three buckets of bleach, a box of SOS pads, and six of Jed Smith’s used condoms won’t wash away the shame.

Look, picture me as a Chinese man about to invade your home with a musket filled with sweet potato gravy skins. Then, as I’m about to insert the shaft of the musket in your wife’s puckered asshole, I blurt out “miso honey.” Not understanding Chinese, you angrily attack me like a famished wolverine nibbling a few kibbles through Blake Lively’s knickers.

Centuries later, as a sulking ghost carelessly drifting through the Volcom sweat shops being operated by Aussie sweat-slaves in the middle of Nebraska, you will realize that you fucked shit up big time.

Laugh now.

Cry later.

Brew.”

2 02 2010
Jamon Bagel

Organic Prairie hardwood smoked ham, offering delicious, ancestral taste, is a boneless pork roast made from the hind quarter of a humanely raised, free-range, heirloom breed organic hog.

2 02 2010
Jamon Bagel

Sulfites hamper my ability to carve it off the top and snap straight into the pit. You can read that a few different ways.

2 02 2010
Mike

I’ll have to visit the convict site again Enoch, although “Mike” is prohibited from free expression, hence a minor boycott.

I tried to do Pot Roast humor and realized how ingenious always commenting in Breakfast Schtick is…. kudos Jamon.

I thought Chris Cote did a great job, especially with Alex and Gerry in the booth. Chris kept the flow light, Alex was scared to speak up and Gerry hit the high notes… an unlikely pairing that felt natural…. free range even. Hate to say it, but most entertaining booth from the last ASP season.

I’m gonna have to pick up a TSM again…. maybe the funny cherub is on to something cause he sure made the Volcom Pro watchable. Having waves didn’t hurt, but it was a treat to hear a candid point of view for once.

2 02 2010
Jamon Bagel

PS, Welcome back Mike. Been gone a bit myself, somewhere mountainous and steep. Could not agree more with your assessment of JOB. That photo says it all, burning the rulebook while rocking the sponsor logo.

2 02 2010
Mike

I’m afraid to comment Enoch… and a shower may not be good enough to wash the imagery from my subconcious. I thought I lived within a tortured mind, but clearly I am amatuer. Thanks for the video link…. something about watching girls in a changing room.

AS for Sweatshops in Nebraska, thank god Obama’s job program works out afterall! And Volcom returning Manufacturing to America! Except for the importing unintelligent and lazy slave labor (aussies), must be some reverse NAFTA exchange program.

2 02 2010
Mike

Jamon, you might be interested in a change of scenery…. where nearly all farming is organic and free range. Best part breakfast friend, they haven’t invented hash browns or bagels yet….

I can make it happen….. check out the link.

2 02 2010
Mark

@Trauzersnake @22:43

I have not commented for awhile in any capacity.

Bored with the internet and over So Cal. Thinkin of headin west.

2 02 2010
But Seriously Now

just please don’t come east of the mississippi, any of you west coast blog buffoons. pretty please …

2 02 2010
Jamon Bagel

While the dearth of bagels unsettling, I will say that Kiwi meat pies are far superior to the greasy Aussie variety…there is really no comparison.

2 02 2010
Firestarter

Did JOB burn the R off his board?????????

2 02 2010
Mike

It’s about introducing the bagel, Jamon to a nation hungry and tired of tomatoes on toast or french fries.

Poor Mark, every North Shore contest is another reminder of rash decisions that end poorly. Still think Ponto is better than V-land? I know a certain Honda dealer in Kanehoe looking for a lot manager with a short memory….

JOB’s R. sure is stealth Firestarter. He is “for sale” though and currently Red Bull has purchased his billboard (body) rights.

2 02 2010
Jamon Bagel

@But Seriously Now: Too late.

2 02 2010
Frank Woodbury

MuckFike.

2 02 2010
trauzersnake

@Hammy earlier-

Well I’ll be a free-range, organic, humanely raised horse’s ass.

2 02 2010
Mike

It appears Surfline made a good decision… Nug delivers.

Sorry Frank w, but the Aloha needs to fly home, and now, he knows where that is. Home. But you had to find out on your own. No loss because you will win.

2 02 2010
Enoch Ward

@Nug,

Nice interview with JO’B. I was pulling for that poor ol’ chap to win. He seems to be fairly candid (at least for Surfline standards) in interviews.

Would love to hear what his plans are when his surfing ceases to be relevant in the public’s eye in about five years.

Maybe next time.

3 02 2010
M

As a great pipe surfer I’m thinking jobs relevance will last a bit longer than five years. Come on, he’s not some Cali air guy for christsake, he just happens to be able to do that too. Shit I still think about a Ronnie burns part in some movie from the early nineties.

3 02 2010
Enoch Ward

@ Nug again,

Check yo’ in box foo’.

Owen Wright’s nose is so big he has to breath through his mouth anytime he occupies a space smaller than the Space Shuttle hangar.

3 02 2010
Enoch Ward

And not to get all gay up in this mug, but here’s an interesting bit I found on Wikipedia today:

“Nug and Yeb, the Twin Blasphemies, are the spawn of Shub-Niggurath and Yog-Sothoth. Nug is the parent of Cthulhu and the parent of Kthanid via the influence of Yog-Sothoth. Nug is a god among ghouls, while Yeb is the leader of Abhoth’s alien cult.[1] Both Nug and Yeb closely resemble Shub-Niggurath.”

I’ve read all of Lovecraft’s works forwards and backwards… but I never realized you were named after Horror-SciFi royalty. If you’re Nug, does that make me Yeb? And what does that make us? Derek and Chas without the cuddling?

{{shudder}}

I need to stop now.

3 02 2010
Firestarter

how much do you get fined for burning the asp pamplet( rule book????? its 5 pages)))))) insider nug

3 02 2010
Kampion,Hynd,Warshaw and Hawk

@Mike

Great advice you told Frank to give his friend Aloha. I think he is going to take it. No shame brah.

3 02 2010
logo leaver

Why would your employer surfline get everybody dialed in on Jaimes RUSTY quiver a week before he drops them for the boards hes been riding the whole time (tokoro)?????????? Please enlightn us nug on the ways of advertisement and product placement…..

3 02 2010
The Nug

I’m not 100% on this but I pretty sure Jamie is still riding boards shaped by Rusty, but he’ll use Tokoros and others from time to time. A lot of guys do that. Hell, Bobby M. has or had a Merrick signature model but rides DHDs.

What I find interesting is in Skateboarding board sponsors are everything. With a few exceptions surfing has not been able to give shapers the credit they deserve. If you want to go broke become a shaper. If you want to get rich design size medium T-shirts for hipsters.

4 02 2010
logo leaver

@ nug
Sad part nug is the People at Surftech thought that they would combine the two( slim fit tees and surfboards) when they began overseas production in thailand. This introduced the wave of popouts our current industry is faced with. Other sites offer 3 surftechs for $897 (they are junk) but for the beginner this is too good to pass up. This has ruined the cost of labor for American shapers. So pretty much all the shapers who have their logo on surftechs and Randy French can born in hell………ONE QUESTION WILL ANYONE EVER WHEN AN ASP TITLE ON A SURFTECH???????

3 02 2010
Meatwad

hatchett gets the fucking axe the asp does something right mark your calendar

3 02 2010
The original Jimmy Football

I have a great picture of Franks Zappa kite surfing in Maui

3 02 2010
Mike

You know, Logo leaver makes a good point.

But the ASP pimped a title showdown ad nauseum and allowed Gavin Gillete to derail an entire marketing campaign and a legit season….

So I get where your leading Logo L, but you’re applying logic to a disfunctional process that is compromised beyond recognition.

3 02 2010
Frank Woodbury

@Mike @16:10

Sound logic. Great point.

3 02 2010
Enoch Ward

The judging in various contests has blown swollen frog balls for years. It seems that the ASP’s decision to forego Mr. Hatchett’s extension was a logical place to start.

Miles away from the final solution.

But a start.

3 02 2010
Hog Flu

@ Enoch Ward

Good comment mate.

You touched a bloody nerve. Fair Dinkum.

3 02 2010
Mike

Without an independent ASP, none of us should expect accurate judging. Almost impossible with multiple compromises juggling and at best, a subjective opinion. Money usually wins… unless Bede makes another semi. Non threatening and invisible, but never falls.

3 02 2010
Enoch Ward

@Mike,

Agreed.

Or, should I say, “of greed.” But seeing heads roll amongst the entrenched members of an archaic judging panel will always bring a smile to my face. Perry is but a pimple on the ass of the established quo of Quiksilver, Billabong, Rip Curl and soon to be Volcom et al. That is the belching rectum whom we all must fear before they expel another debacle of a season. Still, seeing Perry’s pimple being expunged will mean there’s one last itch to scratch… until the new jester is appointed to take his place.

3 02 2010
Enoch Ward

I think I may be older than Methuselah by the time Nug puts up the next post.

Gotdamnit man, it doesn’t have to be perfect, does it!!??

Good god, I just sounded like an editor for Transworld Surf.

3 02 2010
Mike

You are one to talk Enoch…. you weren’t especially prolific… glass houses and all.

Though that magazine does suck, it’s editor did an very good job in the booth at the Volcom Pipeline. Yeah, they bought Banzai’s domain name and changed it to Volcom.

One head judge leaves, another is appointed. The only way to save the sport is to change the format drastically. Incremental “change” including judges will only reinflate the surfing bubble. Or is that banks…..?

Only way to save it is to destroy it first. Anyone see the pictures comparing Hiroshima and Detroit? They show 2 of each…. one the day after the bomb, one now. One thrives, one dives.

The ASP of surfing is like Detroit.

3 02 2010
Enoch Ward

Heh heh.

I love you Mike.

4 02 2010
Rottmouth,Enoch,Meatwhistle and Lewis

How does that Billy Idol song go? Dancin with myself?

4 02 2010
The Nug

Like the name. Any relation the Kampion, Hynd, Warshaw and Hawk?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: