This Post May Contain Adult Themes, Drug References and Sex

19 01 2010

Tim Baker wants you to help him find the Flow. Pic: Peter Eastway/Surfing World

Veteran Australian surf journalist Tim Baker is writing a novel and he wants you to be a part of it. According to Tim, he’ll be posting his “great unfinished novel” in short installments and he wants the public to help him with comments and suggestions.  

“Hopefully, you might feel compelled to follow, comment or even pass it on to others. I kinda like the idea of having a bit of a conversation about it as I go, like you would about your favourite soap opera. I mean, I have a pretty clear idea where it is going but I’ll take your ideas/suggestions/criticisms onboard as I go.”  

The first installment or chapter of  Flow  chronicles the adventures of  “Camel,” a fictitious head of a major surfwear company who, interestingly enough, likes to “swill huge quantities of piss, take drugs, frequent strip clubs, hire hookers, (and) wallow in this decadent haze into the wee hours.”  

Like any good novelist, it appears Tim has loosely based the story on elements of the truth and his own experiences writing about the surf industry for more than 25 years. But I’m fairly certain the old disclaimer that states “any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental” applies.  

Take a look for yourself and tell him what you think.




16 responses

19 01 2010
Jamon Bagel

I will take a look at that, Nug. But first, I have to say that by God, Tim is SHACKED in that picture. Hammy is jealous.

19 01 2010

But did he make it? Come on Tim. Tell the truth. Soon after the photo was taken you were rolled like joint after a 3 hour session.

19 01 2010
Tim Baker

Farkin oath I was, that entire section just looped over in front of me and was already foaming in my path in the shot. That was Lance’s Rights a few years ago, and three boatloads of pros, including the Wolfpak, were out there so I was taking what I could get. Including lickings.

19 01 2010
Jamon Bagel

Wrong Answer Baker!

Correct Answer: Farkin oath I made that! The entire section just looped over in front of me and was already foaming in my path in the shot. That was Lance’s Rights a few years ago, and three boatloads of pros, including the Wolfpak. So I just floated that shit, threw a little boardslide, came out sideways into a 360 and sprayed those cocky motherfuckers like they were a house on fire.

19 01 2010

It’s fitting that he used that typeface on the blog, because as I’m reading it all I can hear in my head is typewriter keys being pressed. By a monkey.

19 01 2010
Reddo's brother Fredo

Baker seems like a putz.

Why can’t we get some current info on what the top pro’s are doing in the off season? Where did Dane-Wardo-Gadangs-Slates-Currens-etc. surf during these past weeks of west coast magic?

And what about some info on this fuckin freak from Brazil? You know the 16 year old that is blasting MAN airs and connecting into the rest of the ride like a bizarro Curren. Gabriel Medina or something. Kid is gonna win the world title some day.

Nug has potential but he is at a point where he could either go all Curren-Bobby-Dane on us but then again he could go Adam Virs or Gabe Kling too.

Depends on how bad he wants to wear the mantle and win.

Brown or Coakley? What will it be Rockin Nug?

19 01 2010
Jamon Bagel

Peter, you know monkey typing, so I will take your word for it. Cannot WAIT for your novel to hit the shelves.

Fredo, your assessment of Baker is deep and well-reasoned. That guy has no chance of ever making it as a surf journalist.

19 01 2010


Dude, approximately 46% of today’s comments are yours….what that means exactly I don’t know.

20 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

First, let me state that Tim Baker is a better surfer than I.

Secondly, his face is much gentler on the retinas than my marred visage.

Thirdly, he could probably, in all likelihood, beat me up. For I am built like an extra small pair of pantyhose stuffed with the emaciated ribbons of a decomposing ninety-year old women’s muscles.

That said, the first cut of his jib has the aftertaste of a rice cake topped with a single appletini-tinged maraschino cherry. In other words, the sweetness at the end almost made me forget the nothingness in my belly.

Tim is a good writer… for a dude that’s so old his prostate resembles Chris Farley jazz dancing in front of a fun-house mirror. Tim is so old his library card was written in Sanskrit on the back of a redwood plank that Captain Cook wiped his ass with.

He’s even old enough to be MY FAHHTHAHH.

20 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

… and I can’t believe there was no reference to the sweet lustre on Mick Fanning’s balls after Tim’s fersh polishing in that first episode.

For THAT, I must commend Tim Baker.

20 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

“fersh” is the new “fresh,” bitches.

Ryan Seacrest said so.

20 01 2010

According to Tim, he’ll be posting his “great unfinished novel” in short installments

hmm…surely this adds fuel to the fire….
likebitchin anyone?

20 01 2010

@ Reddo’s brother Fredo (21:01:14) :

kelly surfed the ranch PERFECT last weekend

20 01 2010

@ Fredo,

That sounds great…. why don’t you burn a bunch of gas and follow those dudes around next swell we have. Take some photos, maybe you can even catch them bangin some broad behind their gal’s back…. then report it all back to us. We’d love it. Of course you won’t get paid anything for doing it.

21 01 2010

shithouse, sorry

21 01 2010
The Nug

There can only be one Nug or Nugget. You sir are an imposter. I challenge thee to a surf-off. Loser buys the beers.

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