Style Bandits Part II

13 01 2010

Higher flyer Dane Reynolds is the "new" face of the ASP tour. ASP/Cestari

A few months ago I stated style is the most overlooked aspect of the ASP’s judging criteria. Of course with a sport as subjective as surfing it’s difficult to explain style. It just is.  

Another ASP press release arrived in my email inbox yesterday. This one explained the “new” ASP judging criteria. Below are the some key excerpts.

Surfers must perform to the ASP judging key concepts to maximize their scoring potential.

“It’s paramount that the ASP Judging Criteria evolve to reflect the ever-progressing envelope of high-performance surfing,” Perry Hatchett, ASP Head Judge, said. “The revision of the criteria for 2010 is the result of discussions between our respected panel of judges as well as the world’s best surfers.”  

It is important to note that the emphasis on certain concepts is contingent upon the location and the conditions on the day, as well as changes of conditions during the day.  

Judges analyze the following major concepts when scoring waves:
– Commitment and Degree of Difficulty
– Innovative and Progressive Maneuvers
– Combination of Major Maneuvers
– Variety of Maneuvers
– Speed, Power and Flow
  

Now let’s look at the “old” judging criteria.  

A surfer must perform radical controlled manoeuvres in the critical sections of a wave with speed, power and flow to maximize scoring potential. Innovative/Progressive surfing as well as variety of repertoire (manoeuvres) will be taken into account when rewarding points for waves ridden. The surfer who executes these criteria with the maximum degree of difficulty and commitment on the waves shall be rewarded with the higher scores.”  

Basically the same criteria, right? The only real difference appears to be the added emphasis on high-performance surfing (and the fact it was in easy-to-read bullet point form rather than paragraph form). 

I still don’t see style mentioned anywhere. It’s also interesting to point out the photo accompanying the release was a shot of Dane Reynolds. With Slater in perceived limbo, are they trying to make him the face of the tour?  

How this will affect the surfers remains to be seen. If history tells us anything, it’s change happens slowly. One thing is for certain. When the tour hits the Gold Coast of Australia next month we’ll be watching and waiting…with bated breath.

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59 responses

13 01 2010
Lawrence of Alabia

Speaking of bated breath, I surfed an ultra-secret spot off of Bates Road yesterday and this morning. Don’t ask me to reveal the spot either… ‘cuz I aint’s tellin’.

13 01 2010
The original Jimmy Football

I always get air on my kite board

13 01 2010
Murph

@Lawrence of Alabia
I think the Spanish referes to it as “The Corner.”
Would it be safe to asume you are a Master at Bates?

13 01 2010
fla

weakest post yet,

13 01 2010
Harbinger of Doom

I have a question for Steven Nug…

When you base your article critiquing something that never existed in the first place, does this make you a douchebag?

The answer: Yes.

“Another ASP press release arrived in my email inbox yesterday. This one explained the “new” ASP judging criteria. Below are the some key excerpts.”

By putting “new” in quotations, I’m assuming you were directly referring to the ASP press release. However, upon closer inspection after reading said release, the ASP never used the term “new”, they used “revised”. Which is clearly is.

Now, you obviously felt the compunction to use the word “new” to strengthen your critique and bridge a weak alignment to your second observation that a Dane Reynolds image accompanied the media release whilst implying this is a clear snubbing of Kelly Slater (again, with no proof).

Finally, the beginning of the above quote implies that you are tired of receiving ASP press releases (“Another…”). Well, if it is too much of an inconvenience for you, perhaps you should just asked to be removed from their distribution? Complex thought, I know.

The problem today is that wannabe pseudo-journalists (like you Steven) fail to even read (let alone comprehend) the material that you share such strong opinions over. My advice: please “new”…hang on, “revise” your thoughts before posting.

…muppet

13 01 2010
The Nug

Dearest Harbinger,

When something is revised it becomes “new.”

Kindest regards,
Nug

p.s. “Another” is a word that implies more than one, not something negative.
I enjoy the releases. But like most press releases they are written by PR minions, and for the most part, much ado about nothing. Also, you know what they say about when one assumes… It makes an ass out of U and me. Welcome aboard.

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

Harbinger of Doom=cumdumpster

13 01 2010
SmyrnaJeff

Harbinger of Doom would get his ass kicked if he ever paddled out to Ponce or Smyrna.

13 01 2010
fla

someone is man crushin on the NUG, just remember he is a dude

13 01 2010
fla

st. augustine actually and I am completely straight before you get hopes high.

13 01 2010
Demon

@fla – St. Auggie? You gotta be a graduate of Florida School for the Deaf & Blind then…

13 01 2010
SmyrnaJeff

@fla

You are probably from the Gulf.

Kook.

13 01 2010
Demon

Haha @Jeff.

13 01 2010
Nathan B Forrest

Hardbawler… Panties in a wad over something? Are you upset because you didn’t use the word ‘new’ when you wrote the release? I think you did a decent job with your release. I think Nug did a better job shooting it full of holes.

It’s not your fault that the ASP is slowly sucking the life out of surfing. We aren’t trying to kill the messenger.

My guess is the truth hurts sometimes.

13 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

@Harbinger of Doom

You’re an asswipe and a butt clown, a pathetic piece of taint cheese that’s been left in the sweltering Haitian heat too long.

You’re an immature, narcissistic, semi-literate putz. Your values are as vapid and pointless as your feeble, drooling attempts at prose. You and your kind are the lowest form of vermin Mother Nature has ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of this good green earth.

You will never amount to anything on your own because you are a spoiled, ignorant, momma’s boy. You are of no consequence and everything you do in your life will be of no lasting value. To call you garbage is an insult to the refuse, flotsam, and jetsam of this planet.

You are a horrendous tumor upon humanity.

Now kindly go back to humping the leg of your sofa.

Or something.

13 01 2010
Murph

If anyone is doing the snubbing it’s the 9 time champ and he has the asp by the balls.

only took you 30 something years to realize people want to see high-performance surfing all the time. Bet the ASP had a meeting before the release to aviod using the word “new” at all costs. Perhaps Nug exposed the notion the asp is trying to save face from the threat of the rebel tour, who are pulling the their strings. without the threat of a new tour it would have been business as usual and that’s a fact jack.

13 01 2010
Viva los rebels

My two cents: While the ASP is maybe trying to save face, I think we are all missing the point. The criteria is not “new” or even “revised.” That’s probably why nug put in quotes. The criteria is exactly the same. Am I right?

This is a blatent attempt to appease the surfer’s and the fans. Weather or not its successful or a failure remains to be seen.

13 01 2010
Jamon Bagel

BR = Bitch Repudiated!

HoD, please come back! This is fun! Even though reading your writing is like eating rotten, offgassing tuna on mildewed whitebread while being flogged with stinging nettle and forced to view images of Rush Limbaugh naked and slathered in canola oil.

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

@Jamon-

While 100% accurate, that’s uhh….repulsive.

13 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

Now hold on guys. I may have been a little harsh on the Harbinger of Doom.

Harbinger’s ranting may be a singularity in this universe; if you shaved, flayed and salted a pack of baboons and tossed them into an Econo van lined with random newspaper clippings and filled with highly territorial badgers protecting their horde of jerky, and then jabbed spikes into murder-holes along the sides, and then you paid Lewis Samuels to photograph the shredded newsprint imbedded in the spattered gore coating the van’s interior, and you repeated this process 10,000 times, eventually you MIGHT find amidst the serum and entrails a string of gibberish that approaches Harbinger’s manifesto here. Can I write a longer run-on sentence? I think not.

I mean, can there be any doubt that he is a predatory chicken-hawk who sodomized frightened twinks bound prone in open-backed hospital gowns while cursing his mother?

By the way, that baboon vs. badger van process is called an “L. Ron Hubbard”. It’s what he wrote “Dianetics” with.

True story; look it up on Mapquest.

13 01 2010
holy freshmouth

I think this would be a good change: for all waves ridden that don’t conform to good style (think Kelly, Joel, Parko, Mick, Andy, Dane (who occasional gets a little on the ugly side, Jordy, probably a few others) then a point is to be deducted from wave score. This effectively ends the ASP careers of those not mentioned above which is win for us the spectators. Add a few guys currently not on tour (Mitch Coleburn, Jamie O to name a couple) and the tour is significantly upgraded.

13 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

@Holy Freshmouth,

Dad?

13 01 2010
holy freshmouth

Yes, it is me your father. Your conservative God fearing Dad. Come back my son…

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

Holy Freshouth?? Sounds like a terrific place to expouse my massive payload of tadpoles!

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

I meant to say FRESHMOUTH…oops.

13 01 2010
Jamie O

Blasphemy Rottmouth u r so moral and perfect all the time. do singing birds and mice dress u in the morning?

13 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

@Jamie O,

I think you’re getting me and Lewis, I mean PeterPerfect mixed up. I am dressed by a parade of toothless Brazilian midgets named Adriano, Nico, Tico, Meshach, and Abednego. They have very soft hands and use just the right amount of talcum on my freshly shorn balls.

13 01 2010
bucaneer

@Smyrnajoke the best you can come up with is to call strangers kook? I will not bother with counting how many times you have done this but it is really weak. Fuck off and get a life moron.

13 01 2010
Mark

@Jamon bagel @14:06

Actually Rush Limbaugh has lost a lot of weight. I’m not saying I wanna take a frickin sauna with the guy but looking at him naked now wouldn’t be as repulsive as it would have been 2 years ago.

Just sayin.

13 01 2010
SmyrnaJeff

@Bucaneer

Your beach has the worst surf in all of Oceanside and you still claim it?

I bet Mark could take you down in a man on man heat in 6 to 8 foot powerful surf any day.

Kook.

13 01 2010
Jamon Bagel

@TrauzerSnake 14:46: BR outrepulsived me at 15:15. No one outrepulsives BR.

@Mark : Just sayin’ what??? I’m not sure I like where you’re headed with that…

@SmyrnaMarkJeff & Bucaneer: Timeout! Bad boys! Bad! Play nice or no breakfast for either one of you!

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

@Mark-

Man, you are one lucky so’ bitch. First you live on the north shore, then you catch ALL those days in June on the south shore, then you move here right into the best winter in a long time, and apparently don’t have to work very much (see above). Then BAMA wins the BCS National Championship and is probably now a dynasty under Nick Saban.

Man, that prayer shit must really work. Just sayin’

Can you throw one in that the Chargers piss on the Jets on Sunday? Thx dude.

13 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

@Trauzer,

“No one outrepulsives BR.”

While I am no PeterPerfect□, if you think no one out-repulses me, then you obviously haven’t yet met Mark’s mother.

13 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

Btw, whoever did the Holy Freshmouth bit made me LOLCOPTRZ!

Brilliant!

13 01 2010
SmyrnaJeff

@trauzersnake

Mark is busy selling a Ford Escape Hybrid right now but he wanted me to tell you the Chargers are goin all the way.

13 01 2010
Jamie O

where is peter perfect?

13 01 2010
bucaneer

@Smyrnajoke I guess you do not read that well but the point was you do not know me or Mark or any of these other people you call kook or ever seen us surf so what the fuck.And I do not know about 6 to 8ft powerful surf but I surfed 10 to 12ft surf today at k-55 righthand pointbreak and thank Laird I did not see anyone but good competent surfers out there and I do not care where they came from and I am not calling them kooks.@Jamon Bagel I had jamon sammy for lunch so I am good bro thanks.

13 01 2010
Elwood

@ Trauzer (15:51)….. “Spermwash”.. hehehe

13 01 2010
Mark

@bucaneer

K-55 is a burger.

13 01 2010
SmyrnaJeff

@bucaneer

Actually I know Mark pretty well.

13 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

@JO’B

Right now, PeterPerfect□ is frolicking with a bear in a serene meadow amidst a heavily-wooded cliff overlooking a left-handed point that’s being battered by a heavy West swell and furious winds. He is elated that there is no excuse needed for the inability to summon the courage to paddle into the catacombs of the toothy grey suits. Instead, he’s pounding keys in the soft glow of his lapto… errrr…

… PeterPerfect□ you say?

I have absolutely no clue where that weasely little rascal is. But I have heard he was recently at the end of his grueling 12-hour shift, his yellow rubber overcoat covered in greasy codfish gore, when he looked up and saw the welcome site of his best friend Dave’s familiar face there to relieve him of his shift.

Suddenly, without warning, the catwalk at station 8 gave way, dumping Dave into the creep-feed grind-impeller below. He lunged forth to save him; although he grasped the sleeve of his yellow rubber overcoat, he could hear the sickening cracking of his leg bones as he was sucked into the hungry maw of the fish stick grinder machine; he knew it was too late for his friend Dave.

Suddenly, He felt his arm following him into the white meat vortex. He struggled mightily; by a miracle, He was able to snatch his right arm back out of the impellor screw and scramble back up the listing and ruined catwalk to safety.

Later that morning, as the coroner sifted for scraps of Dave’s body, he was struck by an epiphany like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist: he had escaped only because his yellow rubber overcoat was covered in the overspray of 12 hours of oily fish gore, unlike Dave’s freshly cleaned and dried rubber raincoat.

Then and there it occurred to him, as he pondered his friend’s horrid demise:

“There but for the Grease of Cod go I.”

Ehhh…

13 01 2010
lazer®

Style is to surfing what Astroglide is to pornography; it makes the ride smoother and difficult maneuvers seem effortless, but in the end all you really need is a two-foot rubber cock, a homeless Filipina refugee and a cheap Polariod to brighten some poor heathen’s day.

Sorry, that wandered a bit.

13 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

Lol@ Lazer®.

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

@BR-

I think it was actually the bagel that said no one out-repulses BR,and I pretty much agreed with hammy’s assessment…..until I read Lazer’s comment above.

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

@Bucaneer

Smyrna Jeff LITERALLY and biblically knows Mark like he knows his left testicle.

Btw, is that place with the great pancakes still right across the street?

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

@BR-

Man, I can’t take my hand off my cock long enough to type a comment as long as what you can. That’s like a “sideways compliment”

AlKEEHALLLL!!!b

13 01 2010
bucaneer

@trauzer Yeah the pancakes are still there, and every spot has its day, I am just saying.

13 01 2010
trauzersnake

Speakin’ o’ astroglide….conan o’brien sure could use some.

14 01 2010
Jamon Bagel

Conan can afford plenty of astroglide. Plus he gets a gift certificate (good for one free delicious early-morning sandwich) for having the best closing line ever in a resignation:

“Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.”

If only Slater could say the same…

14 01 2010
mark

I take back my claim that this winter rates an 8.5 in So Cal.

This winter is a 10.

14 01 2010
Jamon Bagel

Dammit…can’t a California Bagel move to New England without having to hear about epic freaking surf every damned day!!!

PS, It’s flat here, with chunks of ice where the lineup should be.

14 01 2010
Jamon Bagel

And just because every time a wave breaks here, someone takes a picture of it and it becomes a surfline feature, don’t be fooled my hungry friends. Your odds of getting reasonably surfable waves on any given day are about 75-1.

14 01 2010
The original Jimmy Football

@ Jamon

Ice chunks make for great jumps when your kite boarding
Just an FYI

14 01 2010
m

@The original Jimmy Football (14:46:17) :

DIck draggers make sweet jumps too!

14 01 2010
Elwood

@Mark

Wasn’t I claiming the best fall/early winter in SoCal a few weeks ago and it’s hasn”t stopped since.

I think the most recent swell was the 13th OH North Pacific swell since Labor Day.

Kinda sucks for Nug cause each blog would easily be hitting 150+ posts, but too many of us are surfing or beat to shit from surfing… oh well.

Gotta go hit the hot tub with some Advil and Vodka to get the back ready for it’s 11th straight day of 3 hour sessions.

14 01 2010
Lawrence of Alabia

@Elwood,

True dat!

14 01 2010
PeterPerfect

Somebody call? You guys are even fucking funnier now than you were on Leewin Samuelstein’s (was that his name?) site. Even that moronic hamon-nada sandwich is mildly amusing. Do go on, boys.

Dane Reynolds can go from super-stylish to having the stance of a New Zealand rugby player doing the haka in less than the click of a 10fps Canon DSLR. But he does remind me of a first year art student, cute but corruptible. I bet Sarge wishes he was back covering the tour, or just covering Dane’s face with his misshapen, sparsely-haired testicles.

The tour is responsible for Joel going from being spat out of insane tubes and flicking out with barely an arm raised to now turning to the beach and doing jazz hands. The tour must be crushed.

14 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

@PP

“Dane Reynolds can go from super-stylish to having the stance of a New Zealand rugby player doing the haka in less than the click of a 10fps Canon DSLR.”

Marry me!

14 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

@Dave Mailman,

I know you’re reading this right now, basking in the fuzzy glow of your laptop as you peruse these pages while huddled underneath the covers of your queen-size bed, next to that sexy wife of yours.

Take your right hand out of your boxers and rejoin the masses.

And by ‘masses,’ I mean Jamon, Mark, Mike, Demon, Elwood, Murph and I. Shoot, you bring three more friends, and we can call ourselves The Charger’s Offense.

I, of course, would be Shawn Merriman.

He plays the tight-end right?

Wait.

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