The Roundup: New Year’s Edition

1 01 2010

Peeking into perfection in Portugal. Photo: Matty Thomas

The Roundup is a compilation of recommended clicks this week in the world of surfing and beyond. If you have any suggestions, links, tips or just want to call me an asshole, email me at

A Cortes Bank paddle session with Kelly Slater, Greg Long and Peter Mel. (Surfer Mag

Australia’s Surfing Life speaks to Lewis Samuels and they tell us what surfing sites are worthy of “cruising.” (ASL

2009 might not have been the best year in surfing but Marcus Sanders lays down the highlights. (Surfline

An old video but worth a look. Josh Kerr shows us how to win a heat when the waves are crap– two massive airs. (Matty Foto Blog

Clifton Evers tells Taylor Steele Inc. to go fuck themselves. (Kurungubaa)

Note to travelers and gullible watchers of Fox News. Odds of being a terrorism victim on a flight: One in 10,408,947. (The Grip)

A member of President Obama’s entourage is injured by a surfboard? (CBS)  

…and you thought Haywood Jablome wasn’t a real person (Ben

America is fucked. First cars, then electronics. Now the Japanese even make a better Snuggie than we do. (Asian Snuggie)




6 responses

1 01 2010
Magnum Q. Meatwhistle

I agree almost completely with Clifton’s article.

And that drip named Steve that commented over there is a real hoot.

And by ‘hoot,’ I mean dense.

1 01 2010

Modern Collective was a shitty film, BTW. It tried to sell moldy (onshore) as ripe, looked like a lot of out takes. Fine with me, new generation I’ll see you as the wind turns onshore and I’m moving on with the day.

Best quote from Clifton’s commentors… “Surfers make sheep look like independent thinkers”. Maybe even dumb enough to gift Taylor with a new direction, thank you very much.

Drifting off to sleep…

4 01 2010
Blasphemy Rottmouth

Lol @ Lewis’ list of Pro Surfer websites. I would bet gold-clad ham that he spent less time on those sites than it takes Kekoa Bacalso to exploit and digest the payload from three of his own infected ass pimples.

Dane’s blog stands out only because he can’t extract the turgid knuckles of Bauhaus from his stunted Paleolithic-shaped skull. Memo to Dane: just because you can surf marginally better than all the other pustule’s that have never won a contest doesn’t give you the right to Bogart the “artistic emo surfer” crown from such worthy and equally heralded rim-jobs like Timothy Koran, Donovan Frankenreichtur… or that sappy drip Jack Yawnston.

The rest of his laughable Pro-Surfer links do not merit mention from anyone who can read anything below the second line of the DMV Sight Test Chart.

4 01 2010

@Blasphemy Rottmouth

It took Gorkin 3 tries to pass his DMV test.

Of course he did 12 bong rips before he walked in and was also hungover from a raging kegger in Cocoa the night before.

4 01 2010

What is Mark’s fascination with Gorkin?

Mr. Rottmouth responds to the original post with incisive perspective, clever humor and his signature deviant bend and Mark responds by invoking a floridians example of poor public education in the south.

4 01 2010
Bird Rock Bandits

Dear Mark

While we appreciate your enthusiasm, before we can allow you to offer our unique brand of hospitality ( threatening Lazer in the WindanSea parking lot), you must first join our brutal street gang.

Your initiation begins as every other sunday with our worship at church. Chatting over coffee and cookies follows with a short prayer of forgiveness, then it’s on to the beach parking lots. Over time, perspective will soften the next phase of your initiation process. As with all secret societies and republicans, that process is based on our faith and our vicious instinct of intellectual insecurity.

Once formally accepted, you can begin your reign of terror upon all… especially Hawaiian “pros”. Any Hawaiian will do, as long as you can trip them into spilling beer.

Thank you for your application and we look forward to you praying with us on Sunday at church. By the way, inclusion into our banging lifestyle does not include access to the south end of the channel at WindanSea. Thats another club based on talent, not faith.

In white God we trust,

The Bird Rock Bandits

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