Inside A Transworld Surf Editorial Meeting Part II

20 10 2009


Inside the Transworld headquarters in Carlsbad, California.

Editor Chris Cote storms in…

Chris Cote: Okay, quiet down everyone. As tradition dictates let’s give thanks to our savior, leader and mentor… aSalaam ‘Alaykum Sal Masakala!

Everyone: Sal Masakala aSalaam

Chris Cote: Okay brozas. Welcome. Research tells us we aren’t so doing hot in several key demographics. Sure… we have the whole pre-teen and clergy crowd down skippy, but we ain’t testing well in Middle America.

Liam Ferguson: Yes! Mid-dul America! I already have the ad department working on Cheeze Whiz and Walmart.

Chris Cote: Okay bros…any ideas?

Liam Ferguson: (Stands up…stretching…) I have to excuse myself. I have a fundraiser sponsored by the San Diego Chamber of Commerce and the NRA. Duty calls.

Justin Cote: (coughing…places hash pipe gingerly on boardroom table… ) Boat trip… Indo.

Chris Cote: Uh, wasn’t that your idea last month?

Justin Cote: Okay. Bass fishing excursion with tow-ats on fan boats? Kind of a Deliverance meets Modern Collective vibe.

Chris Cote: Awesome. That’s not a half bad idea. Mitch Coleburn did look pretty saucy with that moustache in Surfing Mag.

Casey Koteen: Uh…I don’t think there are any waves where there’s bass fishing.

Chris Cote: Heck there’s no waves on the entire East Coast but that still doesn’t stop Eastern Surf from producing a magazine every month.

Casey Koteen: Good point.

Aaron Checkwood: (adjusts monocle…speaks in a thick German accent) All of these photos are crap. (slams fist)

Chris Cote: Here we go again.

Justin Cote: How about a NASCAR photo feature. No… I got it. How’z about you send me and Chris Ward to Colorado and do the whole Bubble Boy thing. ‘Where’s Wardo. Is he in the balloon? Am I retarded for watching this?’ It will be huge. Cross promotion and all that shit.

Casey Koteen: Lost would pay top dollar for that type of placement. AND…we can interview Wardo’s alarm clock.

Justin Cote: Do they have alarm clocks in jail? I’m just sayin’.

Chris Cote: Hey broza? Why don’t we just have Wardo edit the issue? The Joel Tudor SURFER issue was huge. When Transworld turns 50 I suppose we’ll start mailing it in too.

Aaron Checkwood: Uh guys? There’s a world title race going on. Joel Parkinson?…Mick Fanning?….ring a bell?

Justin Cote: Come on Cheekwooooood! Fuck those guys. It’s all about Dane Reynolds yo. Ry Craike…Dusty Payne….Julian Wilson…represent bitches. You know we care even less about the WCT than Volcom.

Chris Cote: That’s right… we know who our daddy is. (nervous laughter) Okay, we’re done here. This meeting is adjourned. All Hail Masakala!

Everyone: Sal Masakala aSalaam

Click here for Part 1 of Inside a Trasworld Surf Editorial Meeting



20 responses

20 10 2009

Interview Wardo’s alarm clock……. brilliant.

20 10 2009

Bubble boy rocks! Nice work Nug.

20 10 2009

“Heck there’s no waves on the entire East Coast but that still doesn’t stop Eastern Surf from producing a magazine every month.”

Ha ha!

20 10 2009
tim baker

This was funny. I laughed.

20 10 2009

Not bad Nug! Hard to find anything funny in surf related writing these days

21 10 2009

is portugal about to go right now?

21 10 2009

Apparently the some of the events structures were washed away in the storm. Where is Dave Mailman whn you need him for an update?

21 10 2009
John Fante

Chas Smith is getting grilled by the Rip Curl corpos. Seems they want him to just re write the press releases like trained sheep. Read his updates over at Stab.

21 10 2009
Not Chris Cote

How dare you Nug? Writing something funny is something I have labored upon for a decade now. I’ll keep trying one broism at a time.

21 10 2009

Has it occurred to anyone that the actual bubble boy (or ballon boy…whatever) is just 25 years and a couple boosts of heroin away from looking exactly like Wardo?

21 10 2009

@ John Fante


21 10 2009
22 10 2009
Blasphemy Rottmouth

Portugal is about to start.

I am hunkered down in my den, with a loaf of olive bread, a fillet of salmon, and the necks of three virgin game hens. Nom nom nom.

I also have a tube sock ready in case Dane or Ozzie provides something spectacular.

I will fuck Dave Mailman with my shoulder blade, if there aren’t some ridiculous shacks this morn.

Adios, mi amigos… time to pass out on the couch with my trusty bottle o’ Jameson.

22 10 2009
The Nug

Blasphemy, your three virgin game hens obviously have not met Jordy Smith yet. Put the tube socks away. Although Portugal has been a wank fest so far, it’s not your type of wank fest. And although your offer is generous, I think Mailman is more of a fibula guy. Clavicles aren’t his cup o tea. He’s French.

22 10 2009

I like that one guy’s site in Santa Cruz better. Sorry Nug.

22 10 2009
Marv Albert

It’s okay Mark. That site has been defunct for a while… just like your career. Tell your mom that we all say “hi.”



22 10 2009
The Nug

So do I. But I have peculiar taste. I also drive a foreign car.

22 10 2009

What if Mark and Marv shared a girl? Marv in his french maid outfit that Mailman lent him and Mark buck naked….. oh fuck, I can’t fantasize like Blasphemy, leave it to the master.

Mr Rottenmouth, please expound upon the comedy that would be…..

So the mega swell has passed and the CT boys are battling it out at Oceanside North Jetty…. another dream tour dream.

22 10 2009

Wow, you guys would be stoked!!!! DAVE MAILMAN is hosting his own blog!

Check it out!

The Zombies live.

Davey, do you still call the chick that dumped you freshman year at college…. and I mean drunk calling only leaving messages?

23 10 2009
Blasphemy Rottmouth

I wait, like a mongoloid anticipating his first succulent ear of corn, for the start to this contest…

… I plan to email Dave Mailman a few friendly barbs… if he’s lucky enough to commentate the first few heats before the whisky takes me soul.

The anticipation is making my bowels quake with rampant gaseous expulsions. They smell like ‘Inside the Goldmine’s’ feeble attempts at popcorn-stale humor.

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