Nugable Exclusive—Fox News Interviews Sunny Garcia

4 08 2009

sunny-interview 

Fox News: Okay America. Today we have a special guest. Former world champion surfer Sunny Garcia. Thanks for joining us Sunny.

Sunny: Thank you for having me.

Fox News
: So Sunny. Why do you hate America?

Sunny: What makes you say that? I’m a proud American and a proud Hawaiian.

Fox News:
Are you really a United States citizen? We all know President Obama isn’t a citizen and you’re both from Hawaii. Heck, Obama is a surfer too. I’m beginning to see a pattern America. Can you produce a birth certificate Sunny?

Sunny: Are you fucking crazy, brah?

Fox News: Did President Obama offer you a cabinet position yet?

Sunny: The Obama cabinet? What are you talking about?

Fox News: Everyone knows there are only two qualifications for joining the Obama administration. You have to have a pulse and you have to be, well…creative with your taxes. God knows the President is going to raise the tax rates higher than the French system. Speaking of France. What all this I hear about the European invasion?

Sunny: You mean all the Europeans on the WCT this Year? I think it’s great as long as they respect the Hawaiians when they come over here.

Fox News: So it’s a real threat then? Are they more dangerous than North Korea? Should we start building bunkers and storing canned food and water?

Sunny: I thought we were going to talk about surfing.

Fox News: My producer tells me the Hawaiians have their own team at the ISA World Surfing Games? Why is that? Can’t they complete on the American side? Are they trying to secede from our great nation?

Sunny: Hawaii has always competed separately in surfing. We have a lot of talented surfers, and like I said, we are proud of our heritage.

Fox News: So you think you are too good for us? Like the Hollywood elite running around trying to tell us how to live our lives?

Sunny: Look buddy. I’m going to kick your fucking ass. You like beef?

Fox News: No sunny. We talk about beef, mad cow disease and swine flu in our next segment. Thanks Sunny. Next up… Fox News Investigates. Did Hawaiians bring swine flu to the mainland hidden in cans of Spam? And new scientific evidence suggests raw sewage is actually good for the oceans. And later we examine reports from archeologists who used carbon dating to test the age of Obama’s African birth certificate. Turns out his carbon footprint was a little messy. Stay tuned America. Fox News. We report. You decide.

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5 responses

4 08 2009
Jeff

Epic!

4 08 2009
Joey

I watched the Volcom flick on Fuel TV last night and there was mini-interview with Sunny where he suggests the CEO’s of the big surf companies should give back. I’m parapharing but he suggested they live in mansions and profit off the blood sweat and tears of surfers.

4 08 2009
mike

great one !

4 08 2009
James Jr.

“Did Hawaiians bring swine flu to the mainland hidden in cans of Spam?”

Classic!

30 12 2009
Mrs. G

Sunny did NOT do this interview… its a joke

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